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Chapter Text

Konoha feels stifled. What’s left of every building is covered in soot, and the oppressive smell of smoke and metal fills the air. Shinobi mill around the razed streets, regarding the broken storefronts and homes, asking to bum a cigarette or grab a drink, doing anything to temporarily distract from the feeling of bone-numbing exhaustion. It’s a given that shinobi die in battle or on missions, but that doesn’t detract from the mourning, from the bitterness and defeat of your village, your home , being destroyed. Konoha, even with The Yellow Flash and multiple bloodline limits, was no match for the Kyuubi’s rage, and the mere fragments of the city it left behind are a constant harsh reminder of the village’s ruin, and the beloved Hokage’s sacrifice for it. 

In a small makeshift medical tent lying behind the Hokage tower, secluded from the village, Kakashi stares blankly at the baby lying on the medical table in front of him. Tears refuse to come, but his brow is furrowed as he clenches his fists at his side, resisting the urge to go wash them. The baby, at least, seems unaffected by the somber mood as he gurgles softly in his sleep. His shocking blond hair and ruddy cheeks seem to suck up all the light in the tent, unapologetically drawing attention to himself without even being awake. Kakashi is then struck by how normal  the baby looks, how vulnerable and small he is, how, without the three whisker marks on his cheeks and the foreboding seal etched onto his stomach, he could easily be mistaken for any other child, have a normal childhood after being taken in by a clan or the orphanage– how, without those damning marks, this innocent baby would never be identifiable as the jinchuuriki, in whom the Kyuubi was sealed. 

The baby weakly flails his fists around and accidentally tugs on his own hair. With his attention drawn to it, Kakashi immediately thinks about how relieved Kushina must have been that her baby wasn’t cursed with the same bright red hair as her, how embarrassed she would’ve been if Sensei had to be surrounded by not one, but two passionate redheads. The clash in family pictures would’ve been horrendous, he thinks, and is thoroughly taken aback by the sheer absurdity of his own thoughts. He tries to imagine what the baby might have ended up looking like in Kushina’s worst nightmare: Minato-sensei and his kind smile and soft eyes, but with jarringly scarlet locks, and suddenly begins to laugh. His quiet chuckles slowly escalate into laughter that forces itself out from his belly, full-body guffaws that have him clutching his sides in pain. And once Kakashi’s body gets used to the feeling of heaving with a morbid sort of glee, he can’t stop, he ends up having to grab the table in front of him to brace himself as he doubles over, the sounds of his hysteria making medic-nin and injured shinobi turn to look over in concern at him. 

Kakashi’s reputation precedes him; shinobi from Kumo to Suna whisper in awe of the Copy Cat Ninja, curse the Sharingan Bastard, revere the son of the White Fang, but everyone forgets that for all his battle prowess and high rank in ANBU, Kakashi is still just a fourteen-year-old, robbed of his childhood, his only family, his best friend, his teammate, and now, his only remaining father figure, Sensei. 

Sensei, if only you could see me now, Kakashi thinks as his hands and shoulders shake, look at me. I failed the biggest mission you’ve ever given me, and here I am, laughing at your baby. This is a new level of disrespect, even for me. I have no idea what to do with this kid, I don’t know what I’ll do when he wakes up. Sensei, you know I have no idea how to deal with kids, why did you leave me alone with him? Why me? Somewhere in his mind, Kakashi is aware that his shoulders and hands are still shaking, but he’s not laughing anymore, his chest is heaving– Obito is so much better at dealing with babies, probably because he is one, but I’m not Obito, Sensei, I’m not him, I wish he were here, I wish you were here, Sensei, Sensei– 

“MY ETERNAL RIVAL!” Kakashi jolts. Beside him, Gai clasps his shoulder and glances over his face, assessing him. Vaguely, Kakashi feels the chakra in his Sharingan eye pulsing, and as he reaches up to adjust his hitai-ate and calm his eye, he realizes he had been crying. Kakashi immediately feels his cheeks redden and goes to wipe his eyes. 

“Gai… what are you doing here?”

Gai’s hand doesn’t leave Kakashi’s shoulder. Somehow, Kakashi appreciates the grounding gesture. He’s not sure if he would if it were anyone else. Kakashi promptly puts that fleeting thought away before he can even begin to assess it. “My friend, we couldn’t find you after the battle, and once we heard about–” Gai fumbles over the Yondaime’s name, unsure if Kakashi wants to hear it, but barrels on anyway, “about Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai, we wanted to find you to make sure that yo– to make sure that everything was alright.” 

“Well, you found me,” Kakashi starts, pointedly not responding to the latter part of Gai’s statement, and then catches on. “We?” He takes his eyes off Gai's face and suddenly registers the presence of Genma and Jiraiya behind him. Fuck. How did I not see them?  

The magnitude of his grief must be obvious to anyone, then, if he couldn’t take his eyes off of the baby and Gai’s face to see Genma and Jiraiya right behind him, let alone sense their chakra signatures as any other competent shinobi would have. No one mentions this, and Kakashi is infinitely grateful for them sparing his pride. 

Genma chooses this moment to speak up. “Can I see him?” He swallows. Kakashi looks properly at Genma for the first time, and takes in the deep bags etched under slightly puffy and red eyes, and the dulled, far-away look he has. The senbon he usually carries in his mouth is nowhere to be seen, but his lips are dark and scabbed over, like he had bitten them too hard one too many times. On one level, Kakashi knows Genma is only two years older than him, and that he is a better ninja than Genma, but right now, Genma looks old. And he looks so, so tired. 

And Kakashi realizes that the two people who harbor the most guilt for the loss of his Sensei are in this tent, looking at each other. Genma, who served as the guard of the Yondaime Hokage, and Kakashi, whose mission it was to protect Kushina and her baby. The knowledge that Genma feels the same guilt as him overrides the protective instinct Kakashi feels towards Sensei’s kid, and so he steps aside so that Genma, Gai, and Jiraiya can see the newborn baby of Minato and Kushina, and the Kyuubi’s jinchuuriki. 

The baby had woken up sometime during Gai calling out for Kakashi, but miraculously remained silent during the whole exchange. Now, with all four of their eyes on him, the baby’s azure eyes flit between the three teenagers and the man standing with them, small mouth opening and closing as his hands lightly fist on either side of his head. Sensei’s eyes, Kakashi thinks, and is struck with the sudden urge to cry again. Gai’s hand, who still hasn’t left his shoulder, clenches. The striking resemblance between the beloved Yondaime and his legacy isn’t lost on anyone. 

“What was his name again?” Genma croaks. Kakashi keeps his eyes trained on the baby, determined to give Genma his privacy. 

Kakashi knows the answer, but he doesn’t want to respond. He doesn’t want to say the name aloud, he doesn’t want to be the one to tell Genma Sensei’s kid’s name when it should’ve been Sensei and Kushina instead, when no one should’ve had to ask in the first place because Sensei and Kushina should’ve been alive, Genma should’ve learned the baby’s name over dinner or while Kushina visited Sensei at the Hokage tower, they should’ve learned his name by hearing how Sensei cooed over him and doted on him, by hearing Kushina scold him for not showering after training or eating vegetables. Genma and Gai should’ve learned the baby’s name as Sensei and Kushina wanted it to be learned, with that brand of unconditional love that comes naturally with being a parent and the joy of bringing a child into the world. They shouldn’t have to hear the name from Kakashi’s mouth, Kakashi the Friend Killer, Kakashi the Sharingan Bastard, Kakashi who grew up alone, whose memory of his parents are as much rumor and legend and nightmares as they are real experience, who has no idea how to form the word with the same tender weight Sensei and Kushina would’ve given it. So he refuses to speak. He keeps his eyes stubbornly on the boy, who is slowly picking up on the negative energy and is beginning to squirm. 

Blessedly, Jiraiya takes pity on Kakashi, and answers instead. “Naruto,” he says, giving the word the weight it deserves. “His name is Naruto.”

And like magic, when Naruto hears his name for the first time, his expression clears. His already wide eyes get impossibly brighter, and he starts to move his fists more enthusiastically, blubbering nonsensically at the four men staring down at him, all completely out of their depth. 

He recognizes his name, Kakashi realizes. That means Sensei and Kushina were able to speak to him before they died. It’s like that lifts a weight from his chest, the fact that somewhere in his subconscious Naruto knows what his name is supposed to sound like, has heard it from the two people who matter most, and hasn’t been stripped of this one grace is almost overwhelming. He wants to hear Sensei say it one more time, he wants to hear Kushina cooing to the baby in her womb just one more time, he wants–

Gai startles him again, finally moving the hand that had steadfastly remained on his shoulder to Naruto, reaching out with a finger that he waves in front of him. Naruto is immediately enchanted by him, and he reaches to grab Gai’s finger and shake it about. Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi sees Gai smile, something softer and more private but equally as genuine as his bright grins, teeth and all. Immediately, Kakashi feels more relaxed. He may be flat-footed around babies, and other people generally, but maybe if Gai were with him, things wouldn’t be so bad. 

“What are we going to do with him now?” 

And Just like that, Jiraiya voices the question Kakashi had been staunchly avoiding. Kakashi looks frantically back at Naruto, ridiculously hoping he could provide some insight, and finds Naruto still grabbing Gai’s hand and staring intensely at it. Kakashi’s heart squeezes, just a bit more. Jiraiya, completely oblivious to Kakashi’s impending panic, continues– “It’s not like Minato and Kushina have any relatives here, and we can’t even send him to Uzushio because it doesn’t exist … Do you think someone else could take him in? He’ll die otherwise!”

“I don’t know how many families are going to be willing to take in the jinchuuriki right now, shinobi or not. It’s not like most people knew Kushina-senpai was pregnant, too, so they wouldn’t be able to figure out that Naruto was her kid….” Genma chews on his lip and looks away, frustrated.

“Maybe we can give him to one of Minato’s jounin friends? Shikaku was always reasonable and I think he had a kid a bit ago… Or Inoichi, Naruto’s hair could probably blend in with the Yamanaka clan, although I know it’s a little off–” 

And Kakashi suddenly remembers exactly why this conversation with Jiraiya feels so off to him, and blurts, “wait, aren’t you his godfather? Why don’t you just take him in? You’re the only person he really has right now!”

Jiraiya, for his part, looks massively uncomfortable, and rubs the back of his neck, saying “Well, my loyalty is to Mount Myoboku before Konoha, everyone knows that, and I’m busy traveling… It’s not the ideal place for a kid, and I don’t really have any experience raising one… I don’t know if Minato and Kushina would really trust me with their kid, I mean, you know how I am…”

Kakashi scoffs while Genma and Gai look up at Jiraiya in shock. “Sensei and Kushina named you, you of all people, godfather to their child. Do you think Sensei made you godfather to his only legacy because he thought it was funny? Do you think he did it for a laugh?” The longer Kakashi thinks about it, the angrier he gets. “Are you really as stupid as you seem?”

“I don’t think either of them expected to die the day Naruto was born! No one expected the Kyuubi to get out! They probably just wanted to name me an uncle! I’m not equipped to raise a kid!” 

Kakashi is starting to get so angry he feels the small sparks of chidori at his fingertips. His sharingan is beginning to awaken in his covered eye again, and he knows he’s oozing killing intent, but he can’t seem to shake it even though Naruto is right there. Sensei and Kushina are dead, they died trying to protect the village they loved and the child they sacrificed everything for to bring into the world, the baby they forced into being the weapon of the village because they had no other choice, and Jiraiya is just walking away, like a coward. Kakashi feels the sudden, inexplicable urge to pull his mask down and scream right in Jiraiya’s face, and actually moves his hand, but Gai, perceptive as ever, steps in before violence can ensue. 

“With all due respect, Jiraiya-sama, if you can’t raise Naruto, who will? The Yondaime himself named you Naruto’s guardian in their absence. Who else is there? The closest people to him and Kushina-senpai apart from you are my eternal rival, Kakashi, and my dear teammate, Genma. And though I love both of my friends dearly, it is clear to me that neither of them, nor myself, are equipped to healthily raise a child at our tender ages. Shinobi ability and parenting ability are not the same. Besides us, the Yondaime was close friends with Shikaku Nara, who must spend his energy retraining the jounin troupes and acting as the leader of Konoha until a temporary Hokage is chosen as the advisor to the Yondaime. Not to mention, he has his own son as well. Inoichi must continue to lead the Torture and Intelligence division, certainly very hectic during this time. I do not think the Yamanaka clan would be an ideal place for Naruto. Jiraiya-sama, please, it should be plain to you that Naruto has nowhere else to go. If you refuse to accept it from the Yondaime because your primary allegiance lies elsewhere,” Gai steels himself for his last effort. “Take Naruto in for Minato-sensei. Do it for your student, whom I am sure you loved dearly. Imagine how Minato-sensei would feel, knowing his beloved teacher left his newborn baby alone. How could you face him after abandoning his legacy?” 

“Gai…” Kakashi’s visible eye widens as he stares at Gai. He had always known Gai had conviction and honor, but this was the first time Kakashi truly saw Gai stand for something outside of a battle. Genma looks at Gai too, with something like approval and pride. Kakashi, for the umpteenth time in the last hour, is strangely grateful for Gai’s presence.

“You have to understand, kids, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t take him in, it’s just not feasible. I have nowhere to stay, and I have…” Jiraiya very briefly flicks his eyes to the back of the tent before returning to meet Kakashi, Gai, and Genma’s eyes. “Research, that I need to be working on. I’ll be traveling indefinitely. I can’t just bring a baby with me for that.”

Genma laughs, but it’s dry and mocking. It doesn’t sound much like the easygoing teen Kakashi knew tangentially through his “rivalry” with Gai. “Everyone knows your research is just peeping on girls in hot springs and bars so you can write your shitty porn, Jiraiya. Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai literally had copies of Icha-Icha Paradise that they jokingly annotated on their bookshelves. You’re not fooling anyone, just stop making excuses and take responsibility for once in your life. He’s a baby. ”

“I’m telling you, I can’t fucking take him in! It doesn’t matter how much you kids think I can, I’m incapable of it at this point! He needs to stay within the city as the jinchuuriki, and I can’t tie myself to Konoha! I’ll try to be involved in the kid’s life somehow, but this isn’t what I signed up for! I just can’t do it.” Jiraiya is frustratedly running his hands through his mane of white hair, starting to get visibly angry. 

Kakashi is an elite shinobi. He understands the value of patience in battle. More importantly, though, he understands the importance of picking your battles at all. So, he inhales deeply through his nose, closes his eyes, and looks directly at Jiraiya. “Fine. It’s clear you’re not up to the task. It’s useless to continue arguing about this. Even if we could somehow force you to take Naruto in, it’s obvious that you would be a horrible parent, given that you couldn’t even address Naruto by his name just now.” Jiraiya visibly flinches at this. Good, Kakashi thinks. He continues. “We need to find a place for him to grow up safe and happy. If you’re so set on going directly against Sensei’s wishes, you better have a good alternative plan.” 

Jiraiya actually thinks before he answers here, which Kakashi hopes means that he actually gives the slightest damn about the son of the Yondaime and his best student. “We could just give Naruto to the orphanage.” Kakashi opens his mouth to tell Jiraiya that’s a fucking stupid idea, but he continues, “there are bound to be a lot of orphans because of the amount of destruction. Nobody knows that Kushina was pregnant, but the only other person I’ve ever seen with hair like the kid’s was Minato, so hopefully, people should make the connection. If they figure they’re taking care of the Yondaime’s kid, maybe they’ll treat him well.”

Kakashi looks to Gai. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything that isn’t thoroughly offensive at the moment, regardless of his objective feelings on the matter. Gai, praise him, seems to be calmer. “Jiraiya-sama, while I agree with my eternal rival’s sentiments wholeheartedly regarding your blatant cowardice regarding Naruto, I agree with you that perhaps sending him to an orphanage may be the best course of action. Although people will be more likely to label Naruto as the jinchuuriki than the son of the Yondaime, Naruto will have the opportunity to grow around other children his age. I do not feel comfortable burdening Minato-sensei’s friends with a newborn because they have their own families, and I am aware of our own shortcomings. Not only are we young and highly inexperienced, we are also active shinobi. We could neither bring Naruto on missions with us, nor could we leave him behind. Thus, giving him to the civilian-led orphanage with good faith seems to be our best option.” 

Jiraiya nods, looking relieved. Asshole, Kakashi grimaces. “I’m going to go talk to my toads and give them an update on everything that’s happened since last night.” It’s an obvious ploy to get out of the tent and Kakashi’s obvious disdain towards him, but Kakashi lets it slide. He’s pissed enough without having to look at Jiraiya’s face even more. He looks back down at Naruto, who has found time to grab Gai’s other index finger with his other fist, and is now aggressively waving them around, mesmerized by the movements. 

It hits Kakashi at that moment how little he can do for this innocent baby. If Sensei’s wish had just been to go out into greater Fire Country to track and assassinate someone who was thinking about hurting Naruto, he could have done it. If Sensei needed Kakashi to fight alongside him on the battlefield, he could have done it. But raising a baby? Kakashi could scarcely imagine what a newborn baby could eat. His apartment was nowhere near suitable for a baby to live in, with weapons strewn about haphazardly, uncovered food on tables and counters, and he had no desire to ever step foot into the Hatake Clan compound ever again, lest he relive the first five years of his life. 

But I should be able to, he thinks. I failed one mission already, I should be able to make up for it. But I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t raise a kid, I can’t love a baby, I don’t know how to do this. Kakashi feels weirdly like he’s floating and like he’s about to collapse. I failed Sensei, I failed Kushina, and now I’ve failed Naruto, he breathes heavily through his nose, and tries to accept this as his reality. I failed. All I can do now is try to move forward. 

“–the orphanage, like I said, is another feasible option–” 

“–I mean, they’re shinbi, they’ll see the hair–”

“–the seal–”

Kakashi tries to regulate his breathing, slowing down his heart rate and forcing himself into battle calm so that he can focus less on the fact that he is an abject failure of a student, and more on possible solutions to the current problem of Naruto. The longer he inhales, the cooler his head feels, the more concentrated his energy gets, and the voices of Genma, Gai, and Jiraiya float softly around him until they become blurred tones that meld in together with their chakras, subtle markers of human presence around Kakashi instead of the suffocating reminders of his failures they were before. He feels the chakra in his eye settle, stretches his fingers, and straightens his spine so he stands at full height, poised and ready for battle. When he opens his black eye, Gai, Genma, and Jiraiya are looking at him warily. Kakashi is vaguely aware of the staticy feeling of his hair and clothes, the light shimmering of chakra around his body. He decides whether or not to care. He does not. 

“Jiraiya.” Kakashi looks up to meet his eyes and hold his gaze steadily. Maintaining eye contact, Kakashi pulls up his hitai-ate to reveal his sharingan, three tomoes spinning lazily. To his credit, Jiraiya doesn’t flinch, but he sees Genma and Gai’s eyes widen in his peripheral vision. “I will remember every single detail of this exchange, down to every second of hesitation. If I figure out you’ve disrespected Sensei’s wishes even more than you already have, I will kill you. If I’m called a traitor and made a missing-nin for that, I don’t give a fuck. Naruto is all I have left. Do you understand?” Kakashi keeps his voice flat and inflectionless, as he would during an interrogation. He doesn’t have much in the way of emotional and passionate appeals like Gai, and he doesn’t have the inherent protective instinct and ability to make connections like Genma, but Kakashi is the son of the White Fang, the youngest Commanding Officer in all of ANBU, and he is a Sharingan. He understands war, even if the battle lies in negotiation and coercion.

Jiraiya straightens, too. When he responds, his voice is grave. “I understand.” 

“You will take Naruto to the orphanage. You will do your part to conceal Naruto’s identity as both Sensei’s son and the jinchuuriki if anybody asks you. You will not just drop him off and leave, you will see that he is safe, situated, and cared for. You will make sure that the head of the orphanage is competent.” Jiraiya nods, and something else occurs to Kakashi, something that had felt off since he found out Sensei and Kushina had died. And since Jiraiya had to agree to the terms he set, he may as well keep going. “And while you’re outside of Konoha, knowingly going directly against your student’s wishes–” Jiraiya finally flinches, “you will also do research on who exactly was responsible for taking advantage of Kushina and releasing the Kyuubi. You will also find out exactly which of the village advisors and elders was the traitor that told someone that Kushina was pregnant at all. This will be your top and only priority until you find information. I do not give a singular shit about your porn. Am I understood?” Gai and Genma are still looking back and forth between Kakashi and Jiraiya warily. There’s no way they didn’t also figure out there was a traitor of some kind, instinctively, but Kakashi voicing it has made it a certainty rather than a suspicion. Kakashi knows himself. He is never wrong. Jiraiya doesn’t respond, so Kakashi repeats, this time more forcefully, “ Am I understood? ” 

Finally, Jiriaya nods. “You have my word. I will take Naruto. I’ll make sure he’s got someone good taking care of him, it’s the least I can do as his godfather.” 

“That’s the first thing out of your mouth tonight that hasn’t been complete bullshit,” Kakashi says. Nonetheless, he’s satisfied. He covers his red eye again and starts to lessen the flow of his chakra until he feels his sharingan stop spinning and come to a rest beneath his hitai-ate. 

They all look down at Naruto again, who is still softly gurgling and playing around with Gai’s fingers. Again, Kakashi thinks about how much Sensei and Kushina would’ve loved this cheerful baby, would’ve been head over heels for him, would’ve leveled cities to protect his tiny, chubby fingers, just to see the stretch of his mouth into a guileless smile, and allows himself one more moment of self-hatred for failing his mission. 

Outside, the sun is starting to rise, and the sunbeams are filtering through the layers of soot, dust, and smoke to shed small pools of light along the sides of buildings and the ground. Naruto will start to get hungry soon, and as Kakashi looks hastily across the medical tent, there’s nothing they could possibly give Naruto to tide him by. He has no idea what babies eat, but he’s pretty sure you can’t give a newborn baby soldier pills. 

It looks like Gai comes to the same conclusion, because he swallows, eyes still on Naruto, and says, “Jiraiya-sama, I think the time has time for you to take Naruto. He has been here for quite a while, and I think he will start to get hungry soon. We need to give him to someone who knows what they’re doing.” He holds Naruto out to Jiraiya, who takes him hesitantly. 

Genma speaks up. “The higher ups will wonder what happened to Naruto. I don’t know who they’re going to appoint Hokage right now, but as soon as you drop Naruto off, find Shikaku-san and tell him where Naruto is. Even if he can’t adopt Naruto right now, I know he’ll want to know where he is, as Minato-sensei’s friend.” 

“I will. I’m sure Naruto will be in good hands there, the color of his hair is unmistakable. And who could refuse a newborn baby, even if the Kyuubi is sealed in it?” Jiraiya chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. 

It doesn’t work. “Stick to your word, Sannin. I will find out otherwise.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Well, I’ll be going now. You kids get some sleep, alright? I’ll check in soon, or at least send Fukasaku or another toad with a message.” Jiraiya steps outside the tent, the sun now giving his white hair a soft glow. 

They watch him leave. As soon as Jiraiya is out of sight, the exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours hits Kakashi like a punch to the gut, and he keels over onto Gai’s shoulder. He feels himself breathing– panting, really– heavily, and his hands are clammy. Chakra exhaustion, he realizes. 

“My rival!!” Gai panics and looks down at him. “Are you feeling unwell? We must have one of these honorable medic-nin heal you!” 

Kakashi shakes his head softly. “N…. no. Follow Jiraiya, I need t- to follow him, I don’t know if he’s,” Kakashi swallows around his dry throat, “if he’s keeping Naruto safe….” He tries to push himself away and off of Gai’s shoulder, but Gai quickly clamps him down with a chakra-enhanced grip. 

Genma moves around Gai to bracket Kakashi on the other side, sighing. “Come on, man, we’re all tired. You made the guy promise to keep him safe, you’ve made your case. The most you can do for anyone right now is rest. You’re no use to anyone in this state.” 

Kakashi shakes his head, more aggressively now. There is a stubborn downturn to his mask-covered lips, faintly reminiscent of Obito, as he mumbles, “I can still be,” he tries to catch his breath– when did he get out of breath? “I can still be useful, let me go, let me go follow him, Gai, let me go–”

“ Kakashi .” At the sound of his real name out of Gai’s mouth, Kakashi stills. “I cannot let you continue to be reckless. You will burn yourself out, and then you will fail your mission from Minato-sensei again because you will have died instead of living long enough to see Naruto grow up and protect him.” 

“Gai–”

“My dear teammate, please allow me to finish. Kakashi, you did the best you could have. You completed the mission the Yondaime gave you to the best of your ability. I am absolutely positive that Minato-sensei would be extremely proud of how you are ensuring that Naruto is taken care of. You know you remember every single detail of your conversation with Jiraiya-sama, and you know you will find out if he even thinks about going back on his word to you. You have done everything you possibly could have done, and more. And I promise you, as soon as we are able, I will come with you to check in on Naruto and ensure that he remains youthful and healthy. But for now, please, sleep .” Gai loosens his grip on Kakashi’s shoulder infinitesimally. “Can you do that for me and Minato-sensei, my eternal rival?” 

Kakashi feels his lids starting to get heavy and his vision starting to blur, and it seems like he has no other choice but to give in to his exhaustion. Gai guides him to a pallet, and asks a nearby medic-nin for a bottle of water. And with a quiet sort of care not normally associated with Gai at all, he helps Kakashi lie down as Kakashi continues to lean against him, and brings the light blanket up to tuck Kakashi in. Kakashi feels something press against his palm once his head hits the pillow, and slowly brings his hand up to his face so that his strained eye can focus on it. “...Soldier pill?” 

Gai’s lips quirk up. He speaks quietly now, and Kakashi feels himself getting lulled to sleep by the naturally rhythmic intonation of Gai’s voice, as he says, “If I’m not here when you wake up. I don’t want you to lose any energy.” 

Kakashi nods, a short, abortive movement that serves more to adjust his head on the pillow below him than actually show any comprehension of Gai’s statement. Kakashi is mainly focused on how he doesn’t think he would’ve made it out of last night alive without him and his uncanny ability to put exactly what Kakashi wants to say into words. He feels Gai’s hand brush against the cool, scratched metal of his hitai-ate, hears Genma murmur “We’ll be back soon,” and senses the two chakra signatures of just about the last two shinobi in Konoha he can force himself to give a damn about getting farther and farther away. Once he can no longer sense the energetic green of Gai and Genma’s sharp but subdued blue, Kakashi accepts his fate and finally, finally succumbs to sleep. 

Shimura Danzo stands at the head of the cedar table, looking down at what remains of the Yondaime Hokage’s Council. Although he stands on a cane, brow furrowed, eyes sunken, he exudes a quietly cunning power that establishes his position as alpha in this meeting. Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu, his former teammates, flank him on either side of the table, exuding an air of self-satisfaction and arrogance that comes with knowing you have the most power in Konoha and being drunk on the fact. When Danzo sits down, the rest of the table will have to look at him, Homura, and Koharu together, whether they like it or not. Despite their age and declining abilities, there is no doubt that they are all former disciples of the Nidaime Hokage himself, the Lion of the Battlefield, Senju Tobirama. Despite their small number and the vastness of the table they sit at, Danzo, Homura, and Koharu overwhelm and suffocate the dim meeting room in the Hokage tower, making the normally spacious room feel as confining as the deepest cells in the Torture and Intelligence building. They have done so on purpose. 

It’s obvious, then, that the meeting room’s other occupants pick up on their energy quickly and steer as far away from them as possible. In the end, Shikaku and Fugaku draw the short straws, sitting next to Homura and Koharu and representing the Jounin Forces and the Konoha Police Force, respectively. The Inuzuka, Yamanaka, Akimichi, Aburame, and Hyuga clan heads also line the table, and chatter amongst themselves, checking in and catching up with each other after the disastrous events of the last three days. Jiraiya, the only Sannin in Konoha, Genma, guard of the Yondaime, and Kakashi, Commanding Officer of ANBU, sit near the opposite head of the table. Together, the three of them face off Danzo and his two accompanying advisors, unsure of what this meeting will bring. 

As soon as both of them are situated, Kakashi turns to Jiraiya, who anticipates what Kakashi is about to ask and answers before Kakashi can say anything. “I dropped Naruto off successfully. They know his full name is Uzumaki Naruto, but because the orphanage head is civilian, I don’t think she made the connection between Uzumaki and Kushina. I didn’t mention the fact that he is the jinchuuriki, and his parents didn’t come up. The orphanage is safe, and they seem like competent people. I’m not sure what will happen once they find out about the seal, but they seem to understand that they can’t just throw a newborn baby out for that reason.”

Kakashi narrows his one visible eye, and mentally weighs the pros and cons of leaving the meeting right now to find Gai and visit the orphanage. Danzo is a creepy motherfucker, though, and this meeting is important, he thinks. Naruto will just have to wait. Kakashi turns to Genma instead. “How is Gai?” 

Surprisingly, the only indication that Genma is at all shocked that Kakashi cares enough about Gai’s wellbeing to ask after him is his right eyebrow twitching. “He’s resting up. He’s been recovered for a while now, but I’m forcing him to take it easy so he doesn’t completely screw himself over when he trains. He’ll be glad for you to stop by.” 

If Kakashi stops by, he can get Gai to visit the orphanage with him and watch Naruto from afar. And if they need to talk to anyone, Gai can do the talking and make sure that neither of them get in trouble for wandering through the civilian part of town while they’re on-duty. He doesn’t say this out loud. Instead, he gives Genma a short nod, and says, “I’ll make some time.”

Genma and Jiraiya’s eyes both widen, and Kakashi very determinedly pretends not to notice both of them glancing skeptically at one another. 

Mercifully, Danzo chooses that exact moment to call the meeting to order. He lightly touches his walking stick to the ground, and says, not bothering to speak over any of the chatting clan heads, “I would like to address the issue of choosing a Hokage.” 

By the way a hush immediately fell over the room, it would be as if Danzo had screamed, or released a throat paralysis jutsu. He continues as if the room had been this silent the entire time, staring at a spot just above Jiraiya’s left shoulder, avoiding eye contact with any of the twelve other shinobi sitting at the table. “While we, too, mourn the Yondaime’s tragic demise and appreciate the sacrifice he made to protect the village, we are of the opinion that a Hokage must be chosen at once, in order to preserve Konoha’s image amongst the other hidden villages. We cannot afford to be weak, now more than ever.” 

“ We,” Kakashi hears Inoichi mutter next to him. “This is pathetic.” 

Kakashi has only had access to these meetings for the past year and half, during which time, only three meetings of this level were called. But Kakashi is sharp. He picks up on Danzo’s verbiage just as quickly as Inoichi, and likes it just as much. That is to say, Kakashi is immediately on edge. 

Shikaku picks up on his window to prompt Danzo to continue, although he does it without much enthusiasm. “Danzo-sama, by calling this meeting I assume that you already have someone in mind for the position. Is that correct to assume?” 

Danzo nods, resting his palms at the top of his walking stick. Kakashi is starting to become thoroughly annoyed by Danzo’s decision to continue standing once the meeting has started. Sensei never did that when he led meetings. “That is correct, Shikaku-san,” Danzo responds. “We believe--” 

It seems like Kakashi wasn’t the only one who got frustrated at Danzo’s blatant show of superiority, because Inuzuka Tsume interrupts. “Danzo-sama, why don’t you sit down with the rest of us? I’m having a hard time hearing you,” she smirks. 

Kakashi immediately stills every single muscle in his face so that he doesn’t give into instinct and immediately drop his jaw at Tsume’s comment. Anyone with half a brain cell or even passing knowledge of the Inuzuka clan understands that they are trackers, there is no way in hell a kunoichi as powerful as Tsume is having a hard time hearing Danzo. Fugaku is focusing extremely hard on a piece of lint on Shikaku’s shoulder, while Shikaku himself has elected to remain completely still. Chouza, meanwhile, is doing nothing to hide his mirth, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Inoichi looks about two seconds away from following suit. 

Danzo lowers himself into his chair with about as dignity as he can muster after having his pride wounded by Tsume at the first official meeting he has called. He waits a moment, refusing to directly acknowledge her, and continues on. “We believe that Sarutobi Hiruzen is the ideal choice, given that he is already acquainted with the position. We are in a state of emergency, and there is no one else we could feasibly declare the new Hokage. We do not have the resources to take any jounin from the battlefield and rebuilding efforts currently, nor do we have anybody to train a new Hokage. Are there any objections to this proposal?” 

That… actually isn’t a bad suggestion. All the current clan heads are heading important branches of Konoha that we can’t redirect resources from, and there is no one in the current group of jounin that has the skill and political savvy to take the hat. Glancing to his left, Kakashi assesses Jiraiya, and laughs inwardly. There’s him, but he can’t even be trusted with a baby, let alone the future of Konoha. I think that pretty much settles it. I would’ve liked it to not be Sarutobi, but it’s the best option we have. All I need to do is focus on training and making sure I don’t disappoint Sensei and Kushina. Whatever gets me out of this meeting. 

Shikaku, living up to the Nara clan’s reputation, speaks up. “Danzo-sama, I appreciate your haste in calling this meeting, and I understand your thought process quite easily.” He remains focused on the stack of papers in front of him, keeping his face entirely, purposefully blank. Kakashi is instantly reminded of the fact that Shikaku often leads trial proceedings and assists Inoicihi with particularly challenging interrogations. “Why have you and your allies chosen The Professor? Why not you yourself, Danzo-sama? I was under the impression that you’ve been interested in the Hokage position for quite some time now. Giving up the opportunity to act as Konoha’s fifth Hokage, even temporarily? Indulge me in explaining your reasoning further.”

The temperature in the room drops ten degrees. Shikaku continues to hold himself in that signature Nara way, body lazy and slouched, eyes sharp and alert. Some eyes widen, some shift in their seats, Homura and Koharu openly staring disgustedly at Shikaku. Kakashi, though, is curious. It is unspoken yet common knowledge that Danzo has lusted after the Hokage position since the Nidaime took the hat, yet is constantly turned down. Kakashi is aware that Danzo fancies himself as a sort of “Shadow Hokage,” who works towards the same goals as his public counterpart. Danzo’s delusions of grandeur peaked during the Sandiame’s era through ROOT, which was supposedly disbanded. But from the way Danzo’s grip on his walking stick tightens and his lips thin, Kakashi figures there has to be something else at play here. 

Every single person, save Homura and Koharu, turns to look at Danzo directly now. Even sitting at the back, Kakashi can feel the weight of every clan head’s stare, the cold, assessing gaze of war-hardened and politically savvy shinobi. Danzo is not the leader he fancies himself to be. He is not the genius that Kakashi is. And so when Danzo responds, Kakashi very subtly uncovers his sharingan. 

“Shikaku. Thank you for your…. Concern. Although I regret to have to answer this question in such a… public manner, I will, as you say, indulge you.” Danzo briefly clenches his jaw and then releases it. “Currently, I do not feel as though I could contribute greatly to the welfare of Konoha in the position of Hokage. Like everyone else attending this meeting, I could serve Konoha better through my own unique duties.” 

Shikaku’s gaze narrows, and he turns away to look back at the stack of papers in front of him, absentmindedly running his fingers the writing on the top sheet. The temperature of the room continues to drop, and in the corners of the room, Kakashi sees shadows begin to dance and lengthen across the walls, and Genma meets his eyes from across the table, panicked. 

Then, for reasons unbeknownst to everyone in the room, Shikaku releases his chakra and the room immediately lightens again. “Well, Danzo-sama, that certainly is a viable explanation. Thank you for putting the needs of Konoha above your personal desires. This will be remembered. Are there any objections to Danzo-sama’s recommendation for the Sandaime to take the hat again now that we’ve all heard his explanation?” He pauses, and briefly meets Kakashi’s eyes as he scans the table. As Shikaku lets his eyes pass over Kakashi, he casually brings his hand up to scratch at his hairline, resting his fingers along his forehead for a split second more, before continuing on to check on the remaining members of the table. Kakashi immediately takes that for the symbol that it is, and keeps his sharingan uncovered. “None? Perfect. Then I will bring the news to Sarutobi-sama. With no other aims for this meeting, Danzo, will you dismiss us?” 

Danzo complies. People get up and stretch, clan heads returning to their usual chatter. Kakashi hears Tsume’s signature bark of laughter and then a dull thud, he suspects she’s hit Shibi Aburame rather forcefully as they converse. He remains close to Genma and Jiraiya, standing with them in order to maintain the facade of interaction, but as soon as both of them saw Kakashi’s sharingan still on, they stayed quiet. 

Kakashi feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around. “Shikaku,” he says, avoiding any formalities. 

Used to Kakashi’s constant insolence through his friendship with Minato, Shikaku just smiles dryly. “How are you holding up?”

“Fine. Gai’s been making sure I sleep and eat. Genma’s been good too.” Kakashi jerks his head to where Genma stands behind Kakashi, and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I’m trying to get back to training as soon as I can, though.”

Shikaku nods. “And how is he?” He glances up quickly at Jiraiya while he says it, intending the question to be heard by him as well. 

There’s no question about who exactly Shikaku is referring to, but Kakashi doesn’t dare to refer to Naruto by name here, not in front of so many people who he doesn’t yet know to trust. “He’s okay. Jiraiya dropped him off at the orphanage a few days ago. I haven’t been in to see how he’s doing but according to him, he seems fine.” 

Both of Shikaku’s eyebrows shoot up into his forehead, a rare but clear sign of shock. “Jiraiya-sama, he’s not with you? I thought Minato named you godfather?” 

Genma snorts from behind Kakashi. “Yeah, we said that too. This asshole doesn’t give a damn about Minato-sensei’s wishes, I guess. We decided the orphanage was the safest option.” 

“And you agree with this?” Shikaku asks Kakashi directly. 

“I don’t approve of it. But I know it’s our best option.” 

Shikaku looks assessingly at Kakashi and then Jiraiya for a moment, and nods. “I would have offered,” he says, glancing away. He feels guilty, Kakashi realizes. “But Yoshino and I have Shikamaru to take care of, and the Jounin division…” he trails off. 

The absurdity of Shikaku implicitly asking Kakashi for forgiveness is not lost on him. “Don’t sweat it. We know the position everyone’s in, which is why we decided this was the best option. I think it’ll be fine.” 

Shikaku nods, looking slightly relieved, and then straightens again, seamlessly transforming from Shikaku, Minato’s friend and first-time father, to Nara-sama, commander of the jounin forces and advisor to the Yondaime Hokage. “Kakashi,” he says in a low voice. 

Kakashi immediately snaps to attention, slouch lessening, and meeting Shikaku’s eyes. His sharingan still pulses with chakra, Obito’s triplet tomoes turning lazily in his eye socket. “What do you need?”

“I know you recorded the relevant parts of this meeting. I have a hunch that Danzo, and by extension, Homura and Koharu, are hiding something from us. I have no idea what it is, but the fact that Danzo values whatever he’s doing enough to reject the Hokage position after so long is extremely concerning to me. And my hunch is never wrong.” 

“I figured the same thing,” Kakashi cocks his head lightly. “But why is that relevant to me?” 

“Danzo is one of the people who knew about Kushina’s pregnancy.” Kakashi feels his blood run cold, and senses Jiraiya and Genma both stiffen in their places behind him. “I need you to make sure whatever it is he’s planning does not bring harm to my best friend’s legacy. Am I clear?” 

Kakashi feels like he can’t breathe again, and tries to fight the urge to wash his hands. Or worse, find Gai and do something stupid, like ask Gai to tell him about his day as a distraction. Instead, he says, “we have no idea whether or not we need to worry about Danzo based on this meeting.” 

Shikaku levels a flat stare at Kakashi. “You and I both know you aren’t stupid. You’ve memorized this entire meeting. Tell me, Kakashi of the Sharingan, how many instances of possible dishonesty did you catch in Danzo’s speech and body language this past hour?” 

Automatically, Kakashi responds, “twenty-three, sir.” 

“Right. And you’re telling me there is no possibility of any of those twenty-three instances having anything to do with the newborn and vulnerable weapon of this village?” 

Kakashi gulps. “No, sir.”

“Are you willing to take that chance, at the risk of not only Konoha, but the will of my best friend and your Sensei?” 

“No, sir.” 

“Good. Do you understand what I am asking you to do, Kakashi?” 

“Yes.” 

“Indulge me. For the sake of Minato, what exactly am I asking you to do?” 

Kakashi’s eye begins to throb, but he meets Shikaku’s gaze steadily now. “Whatever it takes.” 

Shikaku maintains his stare for just a moment longer, and then clasps Kakashi’s shoulder. It feels different than when Sensei and Gai did it, but Kakashi doesn’t find himself hating this either, strangely enough. “I’m proud of you,” he says, and Kakashi hastily moves to cover his sharingan as an excuse to draw attention away from the fact that his one black eye is beginning to mist over. 

“Right,” he says awkwardly, “thanks.”

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, okay? I know I can’t be a parent, but Minato and Kushina would murder me if I just disappeared from the kid’s life entirely.” Kakashi nods again, and Shikaku finally releases Kakashi from his presence. 

Kakashi, Genma, and Jiraiya step out of the meeting room, not wanting to be alone with the steadily decreasing number of clan heads and Danzo. The walk down to the street is quiet, as the three of them process Shikaku’s demand of Kakashi. 

When they reach the street below, Jiraiya takes the opportunity to speak up again. “Kakashi, Genma,” he begins, waiting for both boys to turn their attention to him. “I have to go back to Mount Myoboku and tell the Elders what’s happened here. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” 

Kakashi immediately wants to do things to Jiraiya that he is fairly certain would classify him as a missing-nin, but he is too tired. Thankfully, Genma responds instead. “What the fuck, old man! You can’t even stay to check up on your kid? What’s wrong with you?” 

“I don’t like it either, kid. But like I said, it’s just not feasible. I can’t bring a baby to Mount Myoboku, and I can’t take him while I’m doing research, either. It’s not safe for either of us. I can’t stay in Konoha, no matter how much I want to, either.”

But Kakashi is past the point of giving a damn about Jiraiya’s lack of commitment to Naruto. “How will we be able to contact you if something comes up?” He asks instead. 

“You can contact me through your summons,” he responds. “Pakkun has access to the sage realm, too.” 

“Pakkun?” Genma asks. Kakashi waves him off. He doesn’t have the energy for this right now. 

“Anyway, before I leave, I wanted you to have a copy of this. It’s Minato and Kushina’s copy, so keep it safe.” Jiraiya pulls out a small, white, hardcover book from his back pocket. “You don’t have to read it, but I thought you might like it.”

Kakashi looks unimpressed at the cover, refusing to acknowledge the fact that he now possesses something of Sensei’s. Something he can keep. “‘The Tales of a Gutsy Ninja?’ You couldn’t think of anything better to name your stupid book?” 

Jiraiya chuckles. “I’m better at story writing than title writing, but that’s neither here nor there. Just keep it safe for me, alright? And if anything happens, send me a message. Even if I’m in the middle of something, I’ll travel back here as soon as you and Naruto need me. Okay?” 

Kakashi looks at Jiraiya, already retreating to Konoha’s gates, and sighs. “You better not be lying, old man.” 

And with that, Jiraiya shunshins off, leaving only a trail of leaves in his wake. They stare at the spot where he disappeared for a moment longer, and Kakashi starts to feel the exhaustion from interacting with so many people and using his sharingan for so long. 

Luckily, Genma catches on. “Let’s go find Gai,” he says, elbowing Kakashi. “God knows you need to tell your eternal rival what happened today.”

“Ugh, don’t say that,” Kakashi grimaces. “It sounds weird when you do.” But Kakashi moves with Genma anyway, debating how much chakra he will have to use to cover his ears when Gai greets him at the door. 

For some reason, he doesn’t really mind that. 

Chapter Text

Gai prides himself on his training discipline. Every morning, rain or shine, Gai wakes up at 4:30 to run 50 laps around the village, first on his legs, and then on his hands. After his cardio, Gai makes his way to training ground 7 for weight training for an hour, then spends the following two hours engaging in taijutsu practice. On duller days, Gai will wrap his hands and punch the dummies in the clearing until they turn to dust, meticulously checking and adjusting his form for weight and agility differences in various enemies. More often than not, Gai will enlist the help of Genma or Asuma, and spar against his dear teammate and fellow Konoha chuunin in order to hone his taijutsu. When both are available, Gai will fight through the whole training session, while either Genma or Asuma sits out and calls out various scenarios and places where Gai’s form is less than impeccable. On energetic days, Gai will fight both Asuma and Genma at the same time in order to keep his kenjutsu intact. Days like those always leave the three of them plastered to the ground after a few rounds, exhausted and yearning for dango or a trip to Yakiniku Q, but satisfied. Gai’s absolute favorite days, though, are far and inbetween, when he catches his eternal rival when he happens to be in the exact right mood, and issues the perfect challenge to Kakashi that convinces him to go through katas and spar with Gai via their rivalry. Gai has found that the best way to extract his eternal rival from that dark and isolated mental space he lives in is to make the challenge needlessly extravagant and showy, and make the punishment as pointless and long-winded as possible, in order to motivate Kakashi to properly win. Because as much as Kakashi grumbles and scuffs his feet as the challenge is issued, once it starts, Kakashi does not participate halfway. Kakashi will sprint to the other side of the village with no regard for his appearance or reputation in order to meet Gai on top of the Nidaime’s head and play rock-paper-scissors, as long as someone is keeping score. And once the initial challenge is completed, Kakashi will spar endlessly with Gai, the only one who can keep up with Gai’s taijutsu endurance, and use his sharingan to point out weak spots, nitpick Gai’s swings and follow-throughs to the exact degree of imperfection. And when his eternal rival roughly grabs Gai’s elbow to adjust Gai’s stance when holding a katana, Gai only feels joy and honor to be training with the heir of the Hatake clan, the Samurai of the East, and none of the shame that normally comes with being corrected. 

Today is one of those days. Last night had marked a month since the Kyuubi attack, and Gai had visited Kakashi at his apartment to find him standing at his sink with the water running, mask down, eyes unblinking and far away, sharingan activated. Gai made as much noise as he could coming in to let Kakashi pull his mask up and maintain some semblance of privacy, but as soon as Kakashi sensed someone else in his home, he lashed out unthinkingly. His gaze was blank and unseeing as he slammed Gai against his wall and pressed the tip of a kunai to his throat, only snapping out of whatever state he was in when he heard Gai yell, for the third time, “My rival!! Kakashi!! KAKASHI ! ” 

And like a switch had been flipped, Kakashi gasped and gracelessly fumbled away from Gai, completely alike the always-alert, perfect shinobi Gai sees on missions. “Gai….. sorry, I….” Kakashi hastily covered his sharingan and awkwardly looked around the room, as if one of his shelves or couches could offer him an explanation. None of them did, so Kakashi redirected: “I’ve been distracted today. Did you need me for something?” 

And Gai saw then, the real consequences of Kakashi continuing to isolate himself in his grief, how much the weight of being the only surviving Hatake and member of Dai-nana-han weighed on him. On one level, everyone in Gai and Kakashi’s rookie class knew Kakashi had issues– no early teenager known as “Friend Killer” in international bingo books got by without any severe mental handicaps, but Kakashi had always seemed fine on missions and in the few social events he had been dragged to by Gai. No one thought anything of it. But Gai thought of it now. Kakashi had lost his clan and his team, but Gai will be damned if he ever lets Kakashi think he’s alone. 

Instead of saying this directly, Gai just flashed his signature smile and gave Kakashi an eager thumbs-up. “My eternal rival! I was wondering if you would honor me with your presence tomorrow morning for training! I am training with nunchaku and would appreciate your assistance!” 

Kakashi took the opportunity to come back to himself, and nodded. “It’s been a while since I’ve sparred against a decent kenjutsu user. I’ll be there.” 

Gai felt his cheeks heat up at the words, because he knew his eternal rival didn’t mean his words as a compliment. Kakashi just objectively considered Gai to be good enough to train against, and that meant more than any compliment would have. “Splendid! Then, the last person to get to training ground 7 tomorrow morning must do ten additional laps around the village on their hands! Are these acceptable terms, my eternal rival?” 

Kakashi took a moment to ponder the terms, even though Gai knows Kakashi always accepts them. Surprisingly, Kakashi flashed a thumbs up too. “I acknowledge and accept your terms, Gai. Tomorrow morning, then.” 

And so led Gai to where he is now, running across the rooftops to the training grounds as the first signs of the sun hit the clouds above Konoha. The village is beautiful from this vantage point, the twists and turns of the roads, the contrast between the shaded alleyways and the outlines of rooftops, the trees, the Hokage monument, which have just started to get streaked with scarlet and gold. 

Gai hops down onto the streets halfway across the village so that he isn’t cheating in his rush to the training grounds– a challenge won dishonorably is a challenge lost, after all. He wonders how Naruto is doing, as it’s been almost a month since Gai or Kakashi had been able to see him. As soon as the Sandaime had been settled back into office, he’d put in place a series of new laws, supposedly to help Konoha recover “as a community” from the Kyuubi attack. He had agreed with Kakashi’s idea to conceal Naruto’s identity as both Minato-sensei’s son and the jinchuuriki from the orphanage in order to protect him. However, in order to preserve that law, the Sandaime had ordered that Naruto himself was not allowed to know about the details of his identity. Kakashi had fought viciously against the law, but Sarutobi-sama himself looked resigned to the law, like he couldn’t have done anything about it, himself. Gai ended up having to drag Kakashi out of the Hokage’s office as he slouched and refused to utter a single word, leaving electricity to crackle in the air and the faint smell of metal behind him. 

As he passes the main road, he hears the faint sound of crying. Who’s crying so early in the morning? If it’s a human, they certainly sound young. I must help them if they’re in distress! Kakashi will understand. Gai takes a second to divert from his current line of thinking to wonder when exactly his eternal rival became Kakashi in his head, and then thoroughly puts away that line of thought. He frantically follows the sounds of distress, even as it takes him farther away from his destination, and runs through possible courses of action if the person is severely hurt or in need of medical attention. He pays no attention to his surroundings, focused solely on wails growing steadily louder, until he reaches the source of the noise. 

It’s coming from what seems to be a small blanket laid on the side of the road, Gai carefully approaches, not wanting to frighten what lies beneath even more. If it’s a wounded animal, he figures, he can take it to Tsume Inuzuka and see if she knows what to do. If it’s a baby, he can take it to the orphanage, unless it’s a clearly identifiable clan child, in which case, someone will have to answer for child neglect. 

But once he reaches the blanket, Gai sees a shock of blond hair, and gulps. In a show of uncertainty he would almost never be caught displaying in front of his dear teammate or eternal rival, Gai turns around, walks a few steps backward, before turning back and reapproaching the baby. He tries again from a different angle. He checks the angle of the now steadily rising sun to see if the lighting is making a Yamanaka baby’s hair brighter, or a civilian child’s hair blonder. But no matter how he looks at it, the infant abandoned on the side of the road is Minato-sensei’s son, Konoha’s jinchuuriki, the baby Jiraiya promised he would see to safety, Naruto . 

Even though Gai was never particularly close to Minato-sensei or Kushina-senpai, he feels like someone punched him in the gut at the sight of Naruto. Kakashi needs to know , he thinks before anything else, and swiftly cradles Naruto against his chest. 

He leans down to look at him and tries talking to him and he runs, narrating the scene. “Naruto, this is where my eternal rival and I– you will meet him soon– meet to run laps around the village and train. You will soon learn to spar with us, I hope! Nearby is where your father used to train his team, which my eternal rival was on, as well. I am looking forward to the day where you can follow in Minato-sensei’s footsteps and continue training of your own there, as well.” Gai bounds past the main gate, going as fast as he can without dropping the baby, knowing Kakashi will probably get worried about him, saying, “Naruto, beyond these trees are the more advanced training grounds! I am excited for you to witness my eternal rival and my advanced sparring here. Kakashi himself sometimes trains his sharingan here with the help of certain Uchiha clan members, although most of them aren’t very fond of him. Did you know your mother was very good friends with Uchiha Mikoto? Maybe if my eternal rival and I end up raising you together, the Uchiha might be nicer to him because of your mother and Mikoto-san’s friendship. I’ll have to ask–” 

“GAI!” 

Gai skids to a stop, immediately, not realizing just how fast he was going because he was so focused on keeping Naruto calm. Kakashi stands just before where Gai managed to stop, looking shocked and, almost…. Worried? 

“Gai! What took you so long? I was almost going to find Genma, you’re never this late. What the hell are you carrying with you?” 

Instead of answering directly, Gai slowly uncovers the part of the blanket that faces Kakashi, flashing him Naruto’s immediately recognizable yellow hair. “I found him… on the way here. I thought you needed to know.” 

Kakashi’s visible eye narrows. “Found? You mean you didn’t stop at the orphanage?” 

Gai gulps, and braces himself for the reaction he knows he is about to get once he reveals the truth. “My eternal rival… you are correct in your thinking. I didn’t stop at the orphanage. Naruto was…. I found him crying on the side of the road.” 

Kakashi doesn’t respond. Kakashi doesn’t say anything for three, five, and then ten whole seconds. Gai takes his eyes off of Naruto, blissfully unaware of the situation yet again, and looks up. Kakashi is standing utterly still, the beginnings of chidori crackling at his fists. Gai feels his hair beginning to stand on end. In the distance, despite the clear day, he thinks he hears a thunderclap. 

“Let me get this straight,” Kakashi begins, voice deceptively calm and inflectionless. “You found Naruto, crying, on the side of the road? Meaning that someone from the orphanage put him there ? Meaning that, if you hadn’t issued this challenge to me last night, Naruto might not have been found by anybody for at least another few hours?” 

“My eternal rival, I agree, this is extremely dishonorable. Luckily, it seems like Minato-sensei’s precious child was fed relatively recently, as he stopped crying once I picked him up. However, we need to find him food he can eat, water, and I suspect he needs to be changed. Kakashi, what will you do?” 

Kakashi uncovers his sharingan and stares and Gai. “I’m going to memorize the moment you saved Naruto’s life and Minato-sensei’s legacy. We’ll get Genma and see if the three of us can’t figure out a way to keep this kid alive and happy.” He pauses, and thunder cracks again, louder this time. “And then, I’m going to find Jiraiya and kill him.”

Gai holds his gaze. Normally he would be concerned about Kakashi’s extreme display of emotion, but he can feel his own chakra crawling through his neck and his arms, the ground beginning to rumble underneath him. The only reason Gai restrains himself is so that he doesn’t accidentally hurt Naruto, who has started to sleep soundly again. He allows himself this one moment of fury with Kakashi, allows both of them to expend as much unnecessary chakra as they want, because Gai knows they’ll be getting no training done today. 

“Let’s find Genma. He’ll be able to help,” Gai says, breaking the moment. Indulging in their own fury for too long would only harm Naruto further. Gai knows next to nothing about raising a baby, but he’s pretty sure infants can pick up on emotions pretty well, and he doesn’t want Naruto growing up with killing intent and bloodlust around him. 

As they run back towards the opposite side of the village where Genma lives, Gai thinks about how Naruto had inadvertently provided him with an amazing new conditioning idea. Running with leg weights has become a part of my daily routine, but I never thought to consider how much holding even a small weight in my hands at this speed can inhibit my reaction time and precision. Yosh! I’ll make sure to purchase arm weights later today! 

He looks at Kakashi just to his side, and is jolted out of his thoughts. Kakashi is running with his back unusually straight, posture perfect, completely alert, as if on a mission. Doing a quick check to see if Naruto is still asleep, Gai allows himself another quiet moment of fury on Kakashi’s behalf. The Sandaime isn’t stupid , Gai thinks, he saw Kakashi in Team 7, on missions, and in ANBU even when Minato-sensei wore the hat. He knows Kakashi has lost everyone he considers family. He has to know Naruto is the only person Kakashi has left. How dare he, Gai clenches his fists around Naruto a bit tighter, How dare he strip my eternal rival of the one thing he has left.

It settles in Gai’s mind, then, that he will do whatever it takes to help Kakashi and Naruto. If that means Kakashi wants to return Naruto to the orphanage and bully the head into taking proper care of Naruto, Gai will support him. If that means Kakashi wants to run away from Konoha and raise Naruto in the Daimyo’s court, Gai will support him. If Kakashi wants to take Naruto to the middle of Ame and train him to be one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, well, Gai will have to start brushing up on his kenjutsu. 

Sometime in the middle of Gai’s musings, the three of them arrive at the Shiranui household. “Arriving” at the “Shiranui household” was actually putting it quite politely. In actuality, Kakashi and Gai walked up the side of Gai’s house, deftly disabled the myriad of traps Genma had set outside his window, and climbed onto Genma’s bed. 

“What the FUCK, Kakashi!” 

Well. They had climbed onto Genma, who had been lying in his bed. There was some frantic hushing, scuffling, and fumbling with a switch, and when pale fluorescent light finally floods Genma’s bedroom, Genma stands, arms crossed, peering down at Kakashi and Gai who sit shoulder to shoulder on Genma’s bed, the latter cradling Naruto, who has miraculously remained asleep the entire time. 

Genma, my dear teammate, looks like somebody’s mother , Gai amusedly thinks. I wouldn’t mind him being my mom. Wait, what? Gai shakes his head slightly trying to dispel that train of thought, shooting Kakashi a look that he hoped conveyed his thoughts weren’t important after seeing Kakashi’s furrowed brow. Yes, I think Minato-sensei’s precious son could benefit.

“So,” Genma starts. “Is anybody going to explain to me why it seems like you have kidnapped an infant from this village’s orphanage, or am I going to have to take you down to T&I myself?” 

Kakashi is completely unaffected by Genma’s threat. “Shiranui, has chewing on poisoned senbon fried your entire brain? I’m asking seriously, so that we can take you to the hospital and then take the kid elsewhere.” 

Genma, well-practiced in the field of putting up with Kakashi’s constant bullshit, elects him and moves onto Gai instead. “Gai, please tell me you and Kakashi have a legitimate reason for potentially getting us in serious trouble with the Hokage. If you do, that’s fine, but if you were just bored or feeling antsy I’m going to have to ask you guys to stop mercilessly disturbing the precious few hours of sleep I get every night because Kakashi needs an outlet for his angst.” 

Kakashi scoffs. “I do not angst .” 

Genma snorts as Gai turns to him, eyes apologetic. “My eternal rival, I find it surprising that a shinobi as remarkable as you has such little awareness of his own image.” 

“Image? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop being weird.”

“Gai, as much as I love making Kakashi uncomfortable by exposing him to the fact that he has emotions that can be perceived by other people, you are bothering me on the one day off I’ve had in two weeks. Fess up or leave. Why did you take Naruto?” 

Kakashi snorts derisively. “You think we took Naruto? Where do you even get off?”

At Genma’s confused look, Gai softly fills in the blanks. “My dear teammate, we would never dream of stealing Naruto from a stable and nourishing home. We didn’t steal him. We– I found him. This morning.” Gai quickly looks up at Genma from where he had let his gaze fixate on Naruto, and sees that Genma doesn’t seem to want to respond, so he further elaborates, “yesterday, my eternal rival and I decided to have a challenge as a part of my early morning training. On my way to the grounds, I heard crying, and found Minato-sensei’s precious son alone at the side of the road across from the orphanage. I immediately took Naruto to where I Kakashi and I were supposed to meet, and he suggested we come to you. So here we both are.”

Genma looks between Gai and Kakashi, astonished by the sheer amount of things Genma feels they ended to address. Most pressingly, though: “Kakashi, your first instinct was to come to me for help? I’m so touched!” 

Kakashi rolls his eyes. “Second.”

“Second?”

“Murdering Jiraiya was first.”

“Oh. Oh, well okay, that makes sense. I’m honored that was your first thought after the obvious reaction, then.”

Genma can see Kakashi smirk from under his mask. “Don’t get too cocky, Shiranui.” 

Genma allows himself a small smile back, and then claps his hands together, all business. “Right, since I’m probably the only one here who knows literally anything about raising kids, you will listen to me when I say something about keeping Naruto healthy. Am I clear?” Genma waits for Kakashi and Gai to give stiff, quick nods, and continues. “I’m willing to bet Naruto hasn’t been fed since last night, and there’s no way that’s healthy. We need to get Naruto milk. Gai, come downstairs and help me look for formula. If one of my parents runs into us you’ll be easier to explain than Kakashi. Kakashi, just… hold Naruto and try not to make him cry, okay?” 

As Gai gently but efficiently transfers Naruto into Kakashi’s hold, Kakashi tries very hard not to think about how he has to consciously direct chakra into his arms to stop them from trembling. Alone in the room, Kakashi looks down at Naruto, eyes scrunched shut and light brows furrowed in his sleep, and allows himself to run a finger down Naruto’s soft cheek, where whisker marks are bordering on invisible. He allows himself to use the hand cradling the back of Naruto’s head to slowly card through Naruto’s blond locks, marveling at how similar it catches the light to Minato-sensei’s.

At just over a month old, Naruto is tiny and fragile– tinier, Kakashi thinks, than a baby should be at this age. The span of Kakashi’s hand covers almost the entirety of Naruto’s back, and the hand that cradles Naruto’s head and neck feel abnormally large in comparison to the small body it holds. The possibility that Naruto could’ve been neglected or malnourished sends a spike of anger through Kakashi, and he starts to feel his hands tingle with the beginnings of chidori. 

Immediately, Kakashi catches himself, cursing loudly. Shit , he thinks, what could have happened if I didn’t catch myself in time? What if I was distracted? Kakashi stares, wide eyed, at Naruto, who blicks owlishly back up at him. What if I killed Naruto, just like I killed Rin? Just like I basically killed Obito? I could’ve just killed Sensei’s whole legacy by accident , because I’m a fucking failure at people. I don’t understand how to not hurt things when I hold them, why in the world was I given Naruto without any supervision? I’m not meant to help things live, I can’t do that, I can only kill them. Sensei, Kushina-senpai, why did you have to leave me here? Couldn’t one of you have stayed behind? Why did you make that god damned pervert Naruto’s godfather? What if someone fucks your kid up even more? This whole village hates the Kyuubi because of the attack and now Naruto is stuck with me , and Gai and Genma but I could’ve just killed your baby , Sensei, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t even deserve to live anymore, I’m tired of killing the people I love, my hands aren’t built to hold babies, I can’t do this! Kakashi hears himself heaving again, like the first time he saw Naruto, and scrunches his eyes shut so he can stop the flow of tears and chakra to his orbital pathways. He steadfastly tries to forget the weight on his hands, tries to forget the last time he felt his hands clasp around muscle and fat like this was when his chidori went through Rin’s heart, tries to forget the only reason he’s allowed to hold such a small and fragile symbol of life, the weapon of Konoha, the legacy of his master, is because his master is dead , Jiraiya doesn’t give a damn about Naruto, and the whole village seems like it doesn’t even care. Obito should’ve been here instead of me. Obito should be here instead of just his stupid sharingan that doesn’t even work correctly. Obito had so much practice being around his little cousins and his siblings in the clan, but who the hell would I have been able to practice with? Who lets Kakashi the Friend Killer touch their baby? I can’t do this, Sensei, I can’t do this, why does it have to be me? You could’ve told me where you were, you could’ve let me protect you, I could’ve died for you, and now I’m here and Naruto has the same hair as you and the same eyes and I almost killed him, Sensei, I almost killed you. I don’t deserve this. 

Naruto is crying openly now, disturbed by the patches of wet that have fallen onto his tiny onesie from Kakashi. Kakashi doesn’t even notice, head bent furiously over as his shoulders shake, grip tightening on Naruto’s tiny skull and back with panic, trying and failing over and over to catch his breath. He feels like he’s choking, like he imagines Rin felt in her last seconds, like something keeps trying and replacing to restart and calibrate his heart but it’s going too fast, like there’s static stuck in his airway, like he’s breathing in just enough air to realize he’s choking but not enough to forcefully inhale and open his passageway. It’s only by the miracle of muscle memory and years upon years of training that Kakashi doesn’t drop Naruto, who has begun to squirm and wail in Kakashi’s hold. Kakashi doesn’t even notice, he just keeps trying to force the chakra out of his eyes and his hands and into anywhere else; the lights start to flicker, the floor starts to rumble, Kakashi feels bile rise in his throat–

“KAKASHI!” Distantly, Kakashi feels hands grip his shoulders and shove them back. But he can’t open his eyes, he’s nonsensically afraid if he opens his eyes his sharingan will burn through the cloth on his hitai-ate, he can’t open his eyes because he’s afraid if he opens them he’ll see Rin and Obito looking disappointed at him instead of Genma and Gai, and he can’t afford knowing he has somehow managed to fail his team even after death. He can’t open his eyes or respond, he just keeps shaking his head, taking huge gulps of hair. Suddenly, he realizes his hands are empty and panics more , did he drop Naruto? Where is he? Is he hurt? Is he crying? Desperately, Kakashi tries to regulate and stem the flow of his chakra so his lungs don’t feel like they’re being fried. “KAKASHI!!! Pull yourself together! The house is about to fall apart!” 

Kakashi feels a warm, chakra enhanced hand on the back of his throat, and Kakashi finally has enough energy to reach up and pull his mask down, dry heaving into his own lap. Ten seconds, then thirty, then an entire minute passes, and Kakashi finally gathers enough strength to sit up straight and open his eyes, though his sharingan throbs with the dull pain of chakra overflow. Blearily, Kakashi takes stock of the room around him, so out of it that he forgets to pull up his mask, and entirely misses Gai and Genma’s twin expressions of shock. Luckily, the room is exactly how it was. The floor didn’t actually crack, and the light remains steadfastly on. The only difference is that now, Naruto is quietly guzzling formula from the bottle Gai is feeding him, and Genma is busy putting privacy seals on the door and walls. 

Kakashi feels his back thud against the wall behind him as he slouches and looks up at the ceiling. This is so pathetic. I’m literally the youngest Commanding Officer in the history of ANBU, and I can’t even hold a baby without hurting it. And then nearly destroying the house because I’m feeling sorry for myself, and now Gai and Genma have both seen me looking like a complete nutcase again , I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this. His shoulders move up and down as Kakashi sighs loudly. He contemplates pulling his mask back up and decides to leave it; if Gai and Genma haven’t already left by now, Kakashi figures he can trust them to shut up about his face. He looks up at Gai as he moves to sit next to Kakashi, and unconsciously curls in on himself a bit. 

“My rival, what happened?” Gai murmurs as to not further disturb Naruto. He lets his eyes sweep over Kakashi’s profile, too concerned about the tear tracks and bitten lips to marvel at the fact that he is probably one of the first people to ever bear witness to the Copy Cat Ninja’s face. 

Genma turns around from where he stands near the door and nods with an air of finality, a familiar senbon hanging from his lips. “Kakashi, this room has been effectively sealed, so whatever you say here and whatever we talk about afterwards never has to leave this room if you don’t want it to. We just want to keep you and Naruto safe.” 

Kakashi lets out a breath very slowly, and keeps his eyes stubbornly away from Gai and Genma when he grumbles, “I got frustrated and ended up nearly electrocuting Naruto because I couldn’t control my own emotions.” 

Genma lets out a low whistle. “That’s rough, buddy.” 

Gai bumps his shoulders against Kakashi, still cradling Naruto. “My eternal rival, I understand your fright. I think it’s most youthful of you to admit that and share it with us. But that’s why my dear teammate and I are here! We will help you with Naruto so that neither of you feels alone in this. Yosh! Until you’re more at peace, my precious teammate and I will hold Naruto. You don’t have to stress yourself out, okay?” 

“Yeah, and if you were the only one who ended up raising Naruto, we’d have two emotionally constipated war machine man-children instead of just one. I honestly think Kushina-senpai would haunt us for ruining her kid like that.” 

Kakashi shorts, and allows himself a small smile. “Thanks,” he says, a little clearer than the last time he spoke. The room settles, then, and the only sounds remaining are of Naruto eagerly finishing off the bottle of formula.

“Let me put this little one to sleep, and then I think the three of us have some important planning to do. My dear teammate, where would be the best spot to place Naruto so that he’s not disturbed?” 

“Ah, right. Let me put something together.” Genma gets up, chewing his senbon thoughtfully and regarding the cluttered room. He looks skeptically at his worn furniture, silently assessing the sturdiness of his desks and chairs, and then nods. Immediately he gets to work, dragging the two spare chairs from the corner of the room towards the desk on either side. He breaks a bottom blinder off of each of his small windows, and uses spare scotch tape and twine from his desk drawers to bracket the other two now-exposed sides of the desk. Genma then opens his closet and rummages around the sparse insides, making a soft sound of satisfaction when he finds an extra set of sheets, which he then drapes around the chairs and blinders so that the cloth lines the desk. He fastens the loose ends of the cloth down to the chairs, desk, and floor with tape, and then throws one of his pillows into the contraption. Genma steps aside, smiling broadly, and gestures to the mess of wood next to him. “Ta-da! Isn’t it great!” 

Kakashi cocks his head lazily to the side. “Genma, what the fuck is this?” 

“It’s a makeshift crib, dipshit,” Genma huffs. He carefully takes Naruto from Gai’s arms and places him on the mess of blankets and pillows. “Now he’ll be warm and safe, and we didn’t even have to go bother my mother. Trust you not to understand my genius, god damn.” 

Gai, on the other hand, is ecstatic. “My dear teammate, this is splendid! You have proven what a formidable and innovative shinobi you are! Naruto will surely sleep well here!” He whispers with enthusiasm, carefully regulating his volume so that Naruto remains asleep. 

Gai rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, well, if there was any time for weird bouts of creativity, this is it.” He shakes himself out of his awkwardness, and then looks at Kakashi. “Hey, could you seal Naruto in here?” 

Kakashi’s one visible eye widens. “What the fuck , Shiranui? Do I have to kick you out of your own house?” 

“Shit, no! Not like that, that’s not how I meant it at all! I meant can you reinforce the crib so that Naruto can’t accidentally destroy it if he rolls over and so he can’t just climb out while we’re not looking or something?” 

“Oh,” Kakashi lets out a breath, relieved. He didn’t think his sharingan could handle another awakening in this time frame. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He fishes out spare tags from his pouch and draws a few weak seals, and then plasters them onto the four sides of the makeshift crib. He nods decisively, looking over his work. “Yeah, this should do it.” 

Genma slaps his thighs with an air of finality and then looks between Kakashi and Gai. “Right then. Let’s discuss the battle plan, shall we?” 

And so, the three teenagers find themselves in a bastardized iteration of where they started the morning. Kakashi and Gai are squished next to each other, sitting at the head of the bed with their legs extended, while Genma sits with his legs crossed at the foot of the bed. Kakashi feels acutely aware of every part of his shoulder and forearm that are making contact with Gai, and for once, not in a highly suffocating way. Actually, he quite likes the feeling of Gai’s arm next to his, the silicon of Gai’s jumpsuit and mesh of Kakashi’s undershirt spreading warmth throughout Kakashi’s upper body. And before he can stop it, Kakashi catches himself debating whether or not he can fake a stretch and push their knees together. Then he realizes Genma would definitely notice, which means Genma would definitely make fun of Kakashi for it. But Kakashi doesn’t even know– want to know , he mentally amends– what exactly Genma would be making fun of him for, so he decides to be thankful with what little physical contact he gets, and focus instead on the extremely important task purpose of the meeting. He pointedly does not meet Genma’s eyes, which have already found his own and are silently laughing. Instead, Kakashi clenches his uncovered jaw and wills Genma to shut the hell up for just one second. 

Luckily, Genma does. Thank fuck . Instead, he says, “Right. So let’s review the story from the top, because a lot has happened between when you disrupted my precious few hours of sleep and now. If I miss anything, you stop and tell me, okay?” Kakashi and Gai nod in unison. “Okay. So this morning, Gai gets up to meet Kakashi at the training grounds at 4:30am. On the way there, he passes the street with the orphanage, and finds Naruto lying on the side of the road in a blanket, and he’s crying. Gai shits bricks, and brings Naruto to Kakashi, who also shits bricks, and then both of you came here, right?” Gai and Kakashi both nod again. “Right. Okay. Now that we’ve got that straight, let’s address the obvious question. Who the hell thought it would be okay to leave a month-old baby on the side of the road, and why did they do it?” 

Kakashi laughs. “He’s the jinchuuriki. There’s literally no other explanation.” 

“But even if Naruto is the jinchuuriki, my eternal rival, Naruto is still a baby first. Plus, he bears a striking resemblance to the Yondaime Hokage, even now. I must admit, I am struggling to imagine why someone would do this, as well,” Gai muses. 

“Well, barely anybody knew Sensei was going to have a child in the first place. So even if Naruto does look exactly like him, I don’t think people are going to immediately make the connection.” 

“Okay, that’s fair Kakashi, but that doesn’t change the fact that the head of the orphanage just threw out a month old baby to starve and die , even if they’re the jinchuuriki. How could someone be so cruel– especially someone whose entire job is to nurture and raise children?” 

“... I don’t have a straight answer for that, Shiranui.” Kakashi runs his hands through his hair, and takes a breath. “My best guess would be that someone saw the seal and freaked out. The Kyuubi attack was only a month ago, and parts of the village are still being rebuilt. Because the orphanage is run by civilians, they probably don’t know the significance of the jinchuuriki themselves, and were acting more out of hurt and impulse than anything else. That’s all I can really say. Were they asked to do it? Who exactly did it? Was Naruto behaving badly? When exactly did they do it? Your guess is as good as mine with those.” 

Silence settles over the group as the three shinobi grapple with just how badly Naruto was treated. What went on for the past month? What else don’t we know? Why couldn’t we have just found out? Kakashi looks to the ceiling for the umpteenth time since he arrived, bordering on feeling powerless. Fuck, Sensei, he thinks, if you were gonna die, did you really have to leave us with this shitstorm to deal with, too?

And with his uncanny ability to always sense when Kakashi’s mind begins to wander, Gai brings Kakashi down to earth and says, “My eternal rival, there’s no use trying to figure out the exact circumstances of Naruto’s treatment for the past month. All we can do is try to figure out the root of the problem, and how to best solve it. If we keep fixating over details, we’re only going to harm Naruto more.”

Kakashi blinks slowly, and feels the same steely calm he feels in battle settling over him. “Alright then,” he says, “let’s figure out what the hell is going on here.” 

They talk for what feels like hours, until their legs cramp and the sun has claimed its spot in the sky above them. And yet, for all of their bickering, bouts of anger, and close calls with the sharingan, they have made definitive progress in their determination of Naruto’s neglect in the month following his birth. First, the mandate put forth by the Sandaime that banned all discussion of the Kyuubi attack, and by extension, Naruto as the jinchuuriki, also banned any positive discussion of the jinchuuriki as a host and weapon of Konoha. The Hokage can’t possibly hope to control every conversation made by every shinobi and civilian in the entire village, and so the mandate ensured that the discussion of the Kyuubi and the jinchuuriki was limited to frantic whispers and gossip, almost all untrue, and certainly all vilifying an infant. Second, Jiraiya’s pointed absence, and the Sandaime’s order that Kakashi, Gai, and Genma remain uninvolved in Naruto’s life further ensured Naruto’s isolation from the orphanage, as well as the civilians misinformation about Naruto and his role as the jinchuuriki. The fact that no shinobi had come to see Naruto in the month after he was dropped off further exacerbated rumors about Naruto’s status, and only supported the notion that Naruto is a curse to be rid of, certainly not anybody worth protecting. Third, These rules put forth by the Sandaime are diametrically opposed to the image he cultivated as the Hokage– a nurturing, intellectually curious man, known as the Professor throughout the village. Halting any productive discussion about Naruto was a highly uncharacteristic decision to make, and when Kakashi, Gai, and Genma consider this along with the Sandaime’s behavior when telling the three of them to stay out of Naruto’s life, the only explanation remained is that the Sandaime’s hand was forced into these mandates. Which then begs the question, who is forcing the Sandaime’s hand, and why?

It took no discussion to determine who was pulling the strings behind the scenes.

“Danzo,” Genma breathed. “There’s no way it’s anybody except Danzo.” 

“That’s what I was thinking too. It almost fits too well.” 

“I understand the man is strange, but why exactly does he fit this role? Pardon my ignorance, I just want to make sure that we’re not accusing the wrong person, despite my dislike of Danzo-sama,” Gai said. 

Kakashi looks over. “At the meeting he called a month ago, Danzo suggested that the Sandaime be reinstated as the Hokage.”

At this, Gai’s brows shoot up. “He suggested the Sandaime be Hokage? What happened to himself?” 

Kakashi nods, a small grin on his face. “That’s what we thought too, at the meeting. Shikaku asked him about it, and Danzo said he had ‘other duties’”– Kakashi makes air quotes– “to attend to.” 

“And everybody and their mother knows Danzo and the Sandaime had some weird dynamic going on beforehand– and we still have no idea what happened to ROOT,” Genma pipes up. “At this point, there’s nobody else it could be. The vast majority of clan leaders right now were Minato-sensei’s friends, anyway, and I know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt Naruto.” 

Gai nods, then. “Yosh. That makes sense. Danzo is now our primary suspect. But then, what do we do now?” 

Genma takes the senbon out of his mouth and points at Gai with it. “Well, we know who’s forcing the hand, so now we just need to find out why .” 

“Right. So what do we do now?” 

Kakashi looks outside and smiles wryly, his wry expression uncharacteristically exposed. “Well, ladies, I’m so glad you asked. First, the three of us have breakfast. Then, we’re raiding the library.” 

“Hey, did you find anything in the Senju archives?” Genma asks. “We’ve only gone through the Uzumaki so far, and we didn’t learn anything that we didn’t basically already know through Kakashi.” 

“Mmm, yeah, I think we picked up some records, but there were just about as many as there were for the Uzumaki, so I doubt we’ll be able to figure anything out,” Kakashi absentmindedly responds. Gai makes a general noise of agreement, and the sounds of pages turning and scrolls rolling fill the room again. 

Between where Kakashi sits on the bed, Gai at the desk, and Genma on the floor (“It’s only right, I’m the host!” Genma had insisted), piles of books and scrolls are strewn between them, forming a miniature library on shinobi history and chakra theory. Earlier, the three had gone down to the library and borrowed as many as they could each without being suspicious, and then stole the rest. Now, they had to use a combination of wall walking and a truly impressive level of dexterity to walk across the room without ruining the whole setup. At some point, Gai jumps out of the window with no explanation and leaves Kakashi and Genma to call after him, and returns soon later with rods, hooks, and a large tarp in tow. Together, the three of them manage to fasten the rods to two parts of Naruto’s makeshift crib and use whatever supplies they have on hand to hang the tarp from them. 

“Yosh! Now we have a place to keep track of every important thing we find so we don’t have to mark up or tear out pages from the library books!”

Genma looks over, affronted. “You were considering tearing out pages from the library books? Who the fuck raised you?” 

Kakashi shrugs, completely unfazed. “Me.” 

Nevertheless, the tarp comes in very handy as the sun goes down and back up again, Genma and Gai taking shifts to leave the room and change the baby. 

Surprisingly, the three of them approached changing, feeding, and burping Naruto with a kind of mission-driven level of focus one could only expect from three emotionally constipated and severely socially stunted genius teenagers. In the corner of the tarp, they drew a system: Kakashi was to be in charge of making the formula at the first babbles of discomfort from Naruto, characterized by increased restlessness and more violently swinging fists. Then, either Gai or Genma would feed Naruto the formula and then make him burp. Kakashi was also in charge of making sure the towels Gai and Genma wore on their shoulders to protect potential vomit were also clean. Whoever didn’t feed and burp Naruto was in charge of changing duty, which was to be done on the roof so the smell doesn’t spread, as quickly as efficiently as possible, and then throw the dirty diaper directly into the garbage disposal on the side of the house. Neither Gai nor Genma made a fuss about changing Naruto’s diapers, because Minato-sensei wouldn’t have either, and this is their duty to him and his son. 

Severely overwhelming the rest of the tarp by the third day of being shut in in Genma’s room with breaks only for the food and the bathroom are scribbled notes about Senju Hashirama's diplomatic strategy concerning the nine Tailed Beasts, excerpts from the legend of the Sage of Six Paths, with “Sharingan?” circled repeatedly, notes on Uzumaki chakra reserves, information on fuinjutsu, along with the numerous appearances of “examine later????” “need more info”, and “3rd lied about this”. 

Eventually, Kakashi lets his head fall back against the bedroom wall and groans, having finally finished the last scroll he was supposed to read. Gai turns from where he’s writing “jinchuuriki special powers?” on the tarp, and Genma lazily opens his eyes from where he’s dozing off on the floor. Rubbings his hands up and down his face in fatigue, Kakashi looks over. “Okay, team, what have we got?” 

“My eternal rival, we now have an abundance of information on all nine Tailed Beasts, as well as the power the Kyuubi in particular has. We can draw from the minimal information we have about the Uzumaki and what we know firsthand about Kushina-senpai to conclude that Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai’s precious child naturally has incredibly large chakra reserves, even without the Kyuubi’s influence. We also know now historically that the Shodaime Hokage used the Tailed Beasts as bargaining chips with other villages so that the jinchuuriki’s powers would be evenly distributed in order to create a balanced shinobi nation between Konoha, Iwa, Kiri, Kumo, and Suna. As of right now, I think that’s it.” 

Genma rolls over so he lies on his stomach, and looks up at Kakashi from his spot on the floor. “So that basically means we know why the Hokage aka Danzo would hypothetically want power over Naruto. But how does that explain him forcing the Sandaime to pass all of these laws that exacerbate the already existing prejudice and hatred towards Naruto? If you wanted to control Naruto for his chakra, wouldn’t you want him healthy? If you wanted Naruto to become a weapon of Konoha, wouldn’t you want him to grow up loving the village? It doesn’t make any sense!” 

Gai and Kakashi let the thought sink in for a few seconds, nonplussed. 

“ Fuck , yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t make sense.” Kakashi ruffles his hair. “But there’s no other reason Sarutobi would make those rules, and there’s no one else who could’ve planted that bullshit in his head in the first place except Danzo. We have to be missing something huge here.” 

“We’ve looked through all of Konoha’s archives, though, my rival. And Konoha has the largest archive out of the five shinobi nations. Where else could we possibly find information?” 

Kakashi runs his hand over his left arm, where his ANBU tattoo feels like it’s burning a hole. “I’m not saying we keep looking through the archives,” he says carefully, not wanting to risk anybody else hearing his suggestion. “But I’m not saying we stop looking.” 

Genma and Gai’s eyes widen. “Are you saying that we–” Genma starts. 

“–I’m not saying we anything. I’m saying I alone should keep looking and see what I can find, because I’m the only one that could even get access to where we need to look. I need you guys to figure out how the hell to contact Jiraiya.” 

Gai and Genma look at each other incredulously. “Why would we need Jiraiya?”

Kakashi sighs deeply, and lets his shoulders sag. “Because as much as I hate that family-abandoning, porn-writing, privacy-invading toad fucker, we need a new Hokage. And he’s the best we’ve got.” 

Genma groans around where his senbon is lodged in his mouth. “God dammit, man, but alright. Okay. I’ll see if I can summon Fukasaku. Do you know what you need to do?” 

Fumbling with the fabric of his mask hanging loose around his neck, Kakashi grimaces. “Yeah. You know I do.” He hums thoughtfully under his breath, and then looks back up. “We need to come up with a contingency plan if something goes wrong and I die.”

There’s a clatter somewhere in the room as Genma scrambles to stand. “If you die ? What the fuck , Hatake!” 

“I’m not saying I want to die, you idiot!” Kakashi snaps back. “But we all know what I’m about to do is… not safe. At all. I’m just the only one of us who has a chance of getting out and surviving. Who knows what Dan– what he ’s using to protect his files. We also need to figure out what to do if we can’t get Fukasaku, or if Jiraiya is even more of an asshole than any of us realize, and refuses to come back.” 

“Alright. Okay. Assuming we each go our separate ways as soon as this conversation is over, let’s give us twenty-four hours to regroup. If Kakashi or Fukasaku isn’t in this room with us by this time tomorrow,” he looks over at Gai, “We’ll wait an extra three hours, and then go and look for you. How does that sound?” 

Kakashi shakes his head. “But that doesn’t account for if there are more files than I can read in a day, or if things are harder to find. I can’t just leave and then come back if I’m in the middle of reading. We need a signal of some sort.” 

“How are we supposed to communicate then? We can’t use hand signs because we’ll be apart from each other, and we can’t do anything verbally because we’ll be easily detected that way.” 

“I’ll leave a member of my pack with you. If anything goes wrong, I’ll have Pakkun relay a message to them if anything goes wrong. He can shunshin to any member in the pack if need be, and because he’s a ninken, his chakra won’t be detected. That sound good?” 

Gai and Genma look at each other before both nodding. “Alright,” Genma said decisively. “Twenty four hours from now.” He reaches out to clasp Kakashi’s shoulder. “We’ll see you then.”

“Right. Bisuke!” He calls, and a small, light brown puppy with glasses immediately appears. Kakashi jerks his chin to Genma and Gai. “I’m leaving you with them. I need to head out to take care of something quickly, and if something goes wrong, Pakkun will relay the message. I just need you here as an anchor. You can just sleep or something, if you want, but don’t get in their way. Okay?”

“Sounds good, boss! Stay safe!” Bisuke yaps, immediately finding a corner of Genma’s bed that feels comfy and lying down. “Don’t take too long!” 

Kakashi huffs out what could have been a laugh, pulling up his mask, and starts to climb out the window. 

“Kakashi–” He turns back to look at him from his spot on the windowsill, pausing at the use of his name. Gai looks him directly in the eyes, gaze burning. “Make sure you come back.”

Kakashi holds his gaze for a moment longer, and tries to figure out what he could say that would put Gai and Genma at ease. “I’ll see you ladies in a while,” he eventually settled on, and gave them both a lazy salute before smoothly jumping out the window. 

Gai stood straight, staring at where Kakashi left through the window, and took a deep breath.

“Gai,” Genma reached out to touch his shoulder. “He’ll be fine. He always is.” 

“I’m not worried about him getting out alive, my dear teammate. I just have no idea what my eternal rival will find. He has been through more than the rest of us, combined… I don’t want him finding anything out that would hurt him, or drive him to act irrationally. If my eternal rival were to act rashly and prevent himself from helping Minato-sensei’s precious child, I know he would never forgive himself.” 

Genma considers Gai’s words. “You care about Kakashi a lot, huh?” 

Gai turns, laughing. “My dear teammate, of course I care about him! He is a valued shinobi of Konoha, and he is my friend, just as you are!” 

Genma raises his eyebrows. “Gai, you know that’s not what I meant.”

Gai laughs again. “What did you mean, then?” Genma’s expression doesn’t change. Gai keeps up the act for a few more seconds, and then deflates, looking away. 

“I know. I know,” he repeats, sighing, uncharacteristically uncertain. “What do you expect me to do? There’s no way… Even if he did feel the same, there are too many realistic obstacles. He has so much to deal with, and now Naruto….” He trails off, and lets his words sink in for a few seconds. “It just wouldn’t work. This is all I can do, as his friend, rival, and fellow shinobi.” 

Genma deflates a little. Gai is right, he knows, but something about seeing his teammate so subdued bothers him. “Okay, well, let’s get started on calling Fukasaku. We can’t just sit here talking about our feelings while that bastard is risking his life, now can we?” 

Just as Genma predicted, Gai immediately perks up with the change of subject. “Yosh! Let us summon Jiraiya-sama’s toads! We need to get him updated! My dear teammate, do you have a spare scroll to use?” 

“Ah! Um… yeah, I think I do, let me just–” Genma rummages through his cabinets and desk drawers, pushing aside the piles of scrolls and books he, Gai, and Kakashi had inhaled over the past three days. “Oh! Here it is!” He waves the large scroll at Gai victoriously. “Let’s get started, shall we?” 

Genma rolls the scroll onto the floor, and pulls out a brush and a small bottle of ink from his pouch, fluidly tracing the characters for a summons. He stops only to quickly remember the exact way Fukasaku’s name is written, bites his hand, and then slams it down to the seal at the center of the scroll.

Immediately, a small puff of smoke appears, and in its stead, a small toad with almost criminally bushy brows. “Hello, Shiranui. Maito,” he says, nodding his head to both teenagers. “What do you want with my boy?” 

Gai, earnest and direct as ever, answers promptly. “Fukasaku-sama, we need Jiraiya here as soon as we can possibly get him. We need to discuss the events of the last month regarding Naruto.” 

“That’s it? You couldn’t have sent a messenger hawk?”

“Look, sir,” Genma cuts in. He takes the senbon out of his mouth. “We need to ask Jiraiya if he’d be willing to become the next Hokage.” 

Meanwhile, Kakashi sprints across the village, towards the Hokage tower. He makes a point to climb up the long spiral staircase instead of climbing through the window as he may have usually done, so traces of his chakra linger in case something goes wrong and his pack needs to find him. Masking his heart’s fluctuations and chakra levels, he saunters towards the ANBU archives and casually bypasses the guards there. Even though he is the Commanding Officer, he’s never bothered to learn any of his subordinate’s names and faces outside the field, so when he passes Ox and Salamander, he doesn’t offer pleasantries or even a second glance. 

Pretending to busy himself with mission scrolls along the wall, Kakashi quietly takes stock of the room around him. Only one or two other ANBU members are present, neither of which have offered Kakashi a suitable reason to remember them, meaning they will be easy to get past. He casually walks to a shelf that offers more cover across the room, pretending to be immersed in the scroll he had picked up earlier. As soon as he isn’t exposed, he whispers: “Pakkun!” 

Immediately in a puff of smoke, the leader of Kakashi’s pack appeared. “Hi, boss,” he drolls. “What’s up?” 

“I need you to find the entrance to Danzo’s office. I’m almost positive it’s connected to this room in some way because of ROOT, but I need you to confirm it for me. Do you remember his chakra signature?” 

For a pug, even a talking one, Pakkun could be surprisingly expressive. He levels a look at Kakashi. “Boss, what do you take me for? This room is small. Give me five minutes.” 

Kakashi’s visible eye crinkles. “I’ll give you and the pack extra treats after this. Thanks.” Pakkun offers him a quick nod, and then gets straight to sniffing out the edges of the room. In the meantime, Kakashi actually does spend time reading the scroll he had randomly picked up, haphazardly trying to feign like he was actually perusing the library.  

Sooner than expected, Pakkun appears in front of him. “Already? Well done , Pakkun.”

Preening from the praise, Pakkun says, “there’s a seal on the 47th page of the book fourth from the far left in the shelf towards the back, the one with all the Kiri bingo books. You have to release it.” 

Kakashi nods. “Thanks, Pakkun. Listen, while I’m in there, I need you to stand guard and give me a warning if anyone comes in. And if something goes wrong, go to Bisuke. He’s with Genma and Gai, and they need to know if I’m not coming back.”

Pakkun grimaces. “Alright boss, whatever you say.”

Kakashi leans down and pats Pakkun’s head. “Well,” he says, “let’s be quick about it, then.” 

Surprisingly, opening the passageway to Danzo’s office and workstation was a lot simpler than he thought it would be. How has nobody come down here already if it was so easy to get here? Kakashi wonders. Well, to be fair, I don’t think people would’ve had a reason to, before now. And I guess most people aren’t in ANBU . 

Matching his chakra to the natural energy of the living entities around him, Kakashi masks his chakra so that Danzo and the ROOT shinobi he’s positive are guarding the entrance are unable to detect him. He prowls down the dimly lit passageway, keeping his ears attuned to any noises around him, until he sees Danzo’s mercifully empty office. 

Well, mercifully empty apart from the two ROOT shinobi who have yet to sense him. Groaning inwardly, Kakashi weighs his options. He can either try his luck at chakra masking to see if he can just avoid their peripheral and sneak past them, or he can just put the chidori through both of them and move on. In the short term, the chidori definitely seems like the better idea, especially because he can just kill them both at the same time. But if Danzo comes in and sees the two dead bodies of his guards, Kakashi will risk a higher chance of getting caught, and he doesn’t want to deal with possible treason charges, or extra blood on his hands. Although he supposes, it might be better to have his blood in case the really important things are sealed . 

He looks down at Pakkun, who shrugs. Great. Thanks for the opinion, he glares. Well, I’m a bit tired of killing, so I guess I’ll use it as a last resort. “Stay here,” he mouths to Pakkun, and moves cautiously around the ROOT guard standing to Kakashi’s right.

What the fuck? Kakashi thinks. I thought ROOT was supposed to be ANBU-level? Danzo’s gonna be screwed. He chuckles a bit to himself, stopping only when he looks behind him to see Pakkun leveling him with an unimpressed glare. Right. No time to make fun of ROOT. Obito would make fun of them with me though. Ugh. 

Kakashi silently thanks Danzo for keeping his door hinges well-oiled as he soundlessly opens the door, shutting it behind him. “Alright,” he says, uncovering his sharingan and feeling it pulse to life. Under his mask, he smirks, sharp and vicious. “Let’s see what the damage is.” 

He has no idea how much time has passed. Kakashi feels nauseous, like his head is going to burst, but he can’t tell if it’s from how long he’d been using the sharingan to memorize every single word Danzo had written down, or from reading what Danzo kept inside his office. 

It had taken a few minutes, but eventually, Kakashi had found Danzo’s files on the Kyuubi attack, nestled in between other unimportant files in the cabinets to the right of his desk. After pages upon pages of notes about the Kyuubi, history of Konoha, and the value of a Tailed Beast’s chakra that Kakashi had inhaled in the last seventy-two hours, Kakashi found something new. At first, he couldn’t tell what it was; the illustration took up almost the entire page, and the vast majority of it was in dark ink, but once he made sense of the harsh vertical lines and the fuinjutsu notes that accompanied it, Kakashi saw red. 

Seal the Kyuubi . Control the Kyuubi. Harness the Kyuubi. The words seemed to jump out of the page tauntingly at Kakashi as he read them. While his hands shook, Kakashi had kept reading, forcing himself to push forward, only to become even more nauseated. 

The Kyuubi thrives off of the negativity and corruption in this world. Its container must have a sufficient amount of negative energy to most effectively harness the Kyuubi’s power. The more rage and hatred the container shoulders, the more reinforced the Kyuubi’s chakra reserves come. Best use of this tool will be to take advantage of isolation and bad treatment by village and seal away. 

Kakashi couldn’t believe his eyes. He pored over more and more texts from Danzo, further detailing the plans for the Kyuubi’s chamber, the exact age the jinchuuriki would be mature enough to understand his neglect, the training he would undergo along with ROOT, and the hatred Danzo would breed against the village, against the shinobi world, against himself . 

Orochimaru research will aid in controlling the Kyuubi. Once the transplants are completed, I will be the sole master of the weapon. For ears only. Kakashi reread the small phrase tucked into other reports several times, trying to figure out what he meant. No doubt about it, Danzo is a traitor to Konoha for this, but this simple note wouldn’t be admissible in court. And that didn’t matter now. 

The Kyuubi. The container. The jinchuuriki. The weapon. Never, ever, was Naruto referred to by name, never referred to as Sensei’s son, never the revered legacy of the beloved Yondaime Hokage, never the last remaining member of the Uzumaki clan in Konoha. A tool. Danzo didn’t give a fuck about the fact that Naruto was a newborn, orphaned baby, as long as he could get some use out of him. 

And now, Kakashi stands, gripping the last of Danzo’s files and trying to put them away. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. Kakashi feels the paper he’s holding wrinkle as he lets his chakra escape in blind fury. This man is a traitor. He’s trash. He’s the worst possible shinobi you could be. I want to kill him. This man deserves to die the most dishonorable death possible. Kakashi feels his eye start to bleed, his head pounding from using the sharingan for so long without a break. 

And suddenly, Kakashi hears Pakkun start to bark. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Kakashi hurries to cover his sharingan as Pakkun appears next to him, saying, “Ready to go, boss?” 

Kakashi shoves past his exhaustion and nods. “Always ready, pup. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Kakashi holds his breath as Pakkun touches his leg and suddenly feels like his guts are being squeezed together– a common side effect of reverse summons. 

When he feels his feet again they are fumbling below him as he drops unceremoniously onto Genma’s bed, yelping on impact. Bisuke yaps frantically and jumps off to make sure he doesn’t get squashed, and Kakashi immediately keels forward over the side of the bed and takes deep breaths, trying to make sure he doesn’t throw up now that he has the chance. After a few seconds, he finally manages to find words. “Thanks, Pakkun, Bisuke,” he says. He reaches into his pouch and tosses them each a snack, which they catch smoothly. “Get some rest, you’re done for now.” 

“Hatake Kakashi, giving out dog treats,” someone intones deeply. “Never thought I’d see it.”

What the fuck? Kakashi slowly moves his head up from where he had placed it in his hands to try and quell the sharp throbbing that had yet to cease. “Who– ah. Alright. Let’s get this over with, then. But first, Genma, please can I have some water?” Genma nods and moves swiftly from where he stood, and hands Kakashi a bottle a couple seconds later. Kakashi takes it gratefully and turns to face the wall so he can remove his mask and chug the bottle. Hurriedly, he moves to replace it, and then turns around to face Gai, Genma, Fukasaku, and Jiraiya, who are all looking at him expectedly. “You’ll want to be sitting down for this.” 

Genma and Gai look back at him, eyes wide. “You mean you found–” Gai starts. 

“–look, can you just cut to the chase, Kakashi? I’ll tell you right now, I’m not going to be Hokage, it doesn’t make sense for me, and–” 

“Listen here, you toad bastard–” Kakashi snaps, completely ignoring Fukasaku’s affronted face as Gai tries to apologize for his behavior. “I have been up for damn near twenty-four hours straight going through a traitor’s files that involve your godson. If you actually give a singular fuck about Naruto’s wellbeing, as you say you do, you will shut up and listen to what I am about to say. Sit down, don’t sit down, I don’t care. But just stay quiet. I don’t have time to deal with your nonsense otherwise. Am I clear?” 

Jiraiya grumbles something that sounds like a complaint about respect, but Kakashi moves on anyway. “I memorized the contents of every single file I saw in Danzo’s office. For my own sake, I wish I hadn’t. But here is what I know.” Kakashi moved to turn the tarp inside out so that it formed a blank slate, and swiftly wrote out a summary of all the documents, providing rudimentary illustrations when he felt they were necessary. The longer he wrote, the wider everyone’s eyes became, until Kakashi wrote the conclusion he had reached earlier at the very bottom and circled it. 

Kakashi turned back around to face Gai, Genma, Fukasaku, and Jiraiya, who all looked very, very disturbed. “Jiraiya,” he met his eyes. “You and I both know this can’t go on anymore. The only reason Danzo had this opportunity is because he had a puppet as the Hokage. Apart from assassinating Danzo and risking all of us being exiled from Konoha, the only thing we can do is appeal to Sarutobi by himself and provide a suitable replacement for a Hokage. There’s no way we can guarantee Naruto’s safety otherwise. Even if Danzo stays on the Hokage advising council, any replacement will be less likely to blindly agree to everything Danzo and his two cronies suggest. They’ll be able to check Danzo’s power more effectively. If you actually give a damn about Naruto, you’ll step up for this.”

Kakashi’s statement echoes in the cramped room, and Jiraiya sighs, resigned. “Kid… I can’t be Hokage. I’m not built for it, and my primary loyalty isn’t even to Konoha. It’s to Mount Myoboku. It’s nothing that has to do with Naruto or Minato, but I just can’t.”

Kakashi feels bile rise in his throat. “You’re abandoning your own kin,” he sneers. “I’m disgusted with you. You’re worse than trash. Get the fuck out of this house before I kill you myself, you lazy, perverted piece of–” 

“You didn’t let me finish, brat!” Jiraiya cuts him off. “Would you lay off me for two seconds? I can’t become Hokage. But I know someone who I think can.” 

Kakashi isn’t convinced. “Who do you think can replace you that Sarutobi could possibly accept as his successor?” 

Jiraiya’s answering grin is wolfish, and when he replies, it slowly spreads Kakashi, Genma, and Gai’s faces, too. “Well, we’ll have to find out where she’s gambling right now first.” 

Chapter Text

From where they stand at the entrance to the Hokage’s office, Sarutobi Hiruzen looks old . Minato-sensei hadn’t even been Hokage for two years, and in that time, it seemed like Sarutobi’s body finally took the hint that he was aging, and made up for all the lost time by decaying exponentially quicker than anyone Kakashi had ever seen in his life. When Kakashi was still on Team 7, and would climb in through the window and wait for Sensei, Rin, and Obito to walk through the doors for their next mission assignment, the Sandaime had looked older than the average shinobi but no less formidable, but certainly wiser. The Sanadime looked every bit of the title he had earned, The Professor : a quietly authoritative figure you did not want to battle intellectually or physically, someone you were scared out of your mind to disappoint. Now, it looks like the robes wear the Sandaime instead of the other way around, his hat casting a deep, long shadow across his face. Against the afternoon sun, the Sandaime’s face looks sunken, wrinkles etched even deeper into his skin, under-eye circles more prominent. Sitting alone in the center of the open, spacious room, Kakashi feels more like he’s with his pack on a hunt than approaching the Hokage for permission to leave the village– and find someone better than the Sandaime at his job. 

As he stands, waiting to enter the room, with Genma, Gai, and Jiraiya flanking him, Kakashi suddenly realizes that for Jiraiya’s seemingly unwarranted caution earlier, they aren’t alone. This isn’t a four-on-one interaction, at all. It’s not even the four-on-four interaction Kakashi had been anticipating because of the usual rotation of ANBU guards the Hokage had at all times. Kakashi takes a minute to regulate his chakra levels to match three, four, five…. Seven additional hidden shinobi in the office. 

Root , Kakashi sneers inwardly. So Danzo’s got spies where nobody else can see them, huh? I guess that toad bastard does have some use in him after all. 

As the four of them had stepped into the Hokage tower earlier, Jiraiya had suddenly grabbed Kakashi and Genma’s shoulders as they started to climb the stairs. 

“We can’t tell Sarutobi-sensei the truth,” Jiraiya said, looking panicked. 

“Why not? You know the old man is practically itching to hand the hat off to someone else, you remember what he was like the last time we saw him!” Genma snickered around his senbon. “I’m sure if we told him what’s going on he’d kiss the ground we walked on.”

It’s a testament to how wary Jiraiya was that he didn’t even acknowledge Genma’s comment. “I’m sensing more than the usual auras in the office. I don’t want to accidentally run into anyone and have to fight or get arrested for treason. All we can afford to tell the Hokage, and hopefully whoever else is in the room, is that we’re looking for Tsunade because he was abandoned, and we need to find someone who can take care of Naruto that doesn’t have a conflict of interest. We’ll say we’re going to leave immediately so that Danzo can’t take any immediate action, and we’re taking Naruto with us.” He looked to Gai, who was cradling Naruto in his arms. “Hopefully seeing the kid’s face will warm him up, too. Well, on we go.”

Thankful for the first time he can remember that Jiraiya had opened his mouth, Kakashi flicks his eyes over to where Gai and Genma stand. If either of them had sensed the foreign hidden shinobi in the room, nothing on their faces betrayed it. Kakashi robotically moves forward along with the other three, until they all stand in front of the Hokage’s desk. Kakashi’s initial impression of Sarutobi Hiruzen from the opposite side of the room only rings truer now, their proximity drawing attention to the slouch in the Sandiame’s shoulders, the furrow of his brows, the purse of his lips. Here is Sarutobi Hiruzen, drowned in white fabric, unknowingly surrendering himself to his predators, completely and blissfully unaware of being hunted in the first place. Kakashi smiles wolfishly under his mask. He couldn’t have asked for a better state. 

Jiraiya cuts off Kakashi’s Machiavellian train of thought as he takes half a step forward, addressing his old teacher warmly. “Sensei!” he booms jovially. “How are you? Me and the toads miss you!” To anyone else, Jiraiya would seem completely genuine– and maybe he actually is, Kakashi thinks– and not at all like he is about to risk treason for the sake of a baby with frankly giant lungs. 

The Sandaime’s eyes crinkle warmly as he responds. “Jiraiya, it really has been too long. I’m doing as well as I can hope to be doing in my old position, but if this is what is best for the village, then I will fulfill my duty in honor of Minato and the position he carried as Yondaime Hokage.”

The Sandaime’s eyes flit over to glance at Kakashi almost too quickly to be noticed, but Kakashi caught it nonetheless. The infinitesimally brief look of pity that was directed at him filled Kakashi with a kind of irrational anger that he immediately felt the need to dispel. Fortunately, Hatake Kakashi has always been skilled in the arts of suppression and compartmentalization, so for now, he shuts up, and hopes that handling Tsunade-hime to the Sandaime on a silver platter will quell his frustration for now. 

“–enough about me, though, Jiraiya, why did you all come here? With Naruto in tow, no less?” He arches a brow at the baby now squirming in Gai’s gentle but unrelenting grip. “I thought I made it clear to you that individuals with conflicts of interest shouldn’t be around Naruto.” 

Kakashi feels his left eye start to throb, but luckily, Genma steps in to diplomatically cover up the probable shitstorm Kakashi would brew if he were to start talking. With a seemingly casual hand grasping Kakashi’s shoulder, Genma says, “Yeah, about that, Hokage-sama. We really didn’t want to interfere, but we actually found Naruto abandoned on the street outside the orphanage a few days ago by accident and had to take him in so he didn’t, you know,” Genma used his free hand to take his senbon out of his mouth and use it to gesture vaguely in front of him, “die .” He leveled his gaze to the Sandaime, who flinched. 

“We could sit here and talk all day about the amount of things that could’ve gone wrong in Naruto’s physical and emotional development by cutting out any potential family figures this early on, but we’re on a tight schedule here, so I won’t. The fact is, if we didn’t just so happen to be passing the orphanage on our way to training, Naruto would’ve been left out there for god knows how long before someone could’ve snatched him up, killed him. We have no idea when the last time he had been fed was. And if someone did kill him, or if he died, setting aside completely the fact that the Yondaime Hokage’s month-old son would have died, someone who,” Genma smirks derisively, “you just claimed to be honoring by taking up this very position in the first place, if Naruto were to die, Konoha would no longer have a jinchuuriki. You know what an unrestrained Kyuubi so soon after its attack would do to Konoha, wouldn’t you?”

The Sandaime’s eyes narrowed. “Now, I understand that you feel strongly about Minato’s son, but do you really think that concocting this story is necessary? Honestly, boys, I didn’t expect you all to go and steal the baby from the orphanage just because you felt some sort of survivor’s guilt or warrior’s duty to protect him.” He reaches for his pipe and continues to speak, trying to sound pleading, but in effect, just ending up with patronizing. “Listen, I and so many others know just how persuasive Kakashi can be when he has his mind set on something, but don’t you think this effort is all a bit unnecessary? Genma, Gai, how could you let him get in the way of my specific orders? I know he has that blind faith in Minato, but why did none of you check him?” 

Kakashi nearly reels back with how quickly his sharingan activates, and clutches at his eye over his hitai-ate, “listen here, old man,” he chokes out, not giving a damn about protocol, “you can say whatever you want about me, but don’t bring–” 

“HOKAGE-SAMA!” 

The cry cuts cleanly through Kakashi, and he turns to locate the source of the noise, along with the Sandaime, who looks bewildered. Both of them look over at Gai, who is clutching Naruto to his chest and using his outer hand to shield Naruto’s ears so that he remains undisturbed. His shoulders are heaving, and he looks so aggressively downward that Kakashi can only see the top of his bowl cut from where he stands. 

When Gai looks up, Kakashi’s breath stops halfway through his throat. All at once, Kakashi remembers exactly why he bothers to associate with Gai, why he’s okay with Gai flamboyantly calling him “eternal rival,” why he accepts Gai’s ridiculous challenges without a second glance. Gai looks up, and he is all of his father and more at only 15. Gai looks up, and Kakashi is suddenly face-to-face with the sheer force of Gai’s loyalty. 

“Hokage-sama, with all due respect, your comments just now were completely unwarranted and highly offensive to me, my dear teammate, and my eternal rival.” Gai’s hair is starting to fly around his face with the force of his chakra, his hands are starting to emit a glowing green. Panicked, Jiraiya quietly takes Naruto from him as Gai continues talking. “To suggest that we are so reckless as to forcibly remove Naruto from a place that is presumably a source of stability and home for him is to suggest we have no regard for Naruto’s needs as a baby, let alone your position as Hokage. To suggest that we went through all the trouble of stealing Naruto, only to bring him to you and flaunt him in front of your face is to suggest that all four of us here, including Jiraiya-sama, are stupid. To suggest that we would elect to take care of Naruto instead of a qualified, civilian orphan because we have delusions of grandeur is to suggest that we think that the three of us, teenagers, two of whom grew up without a family ourselves, a different two of whom are severely traumatized, and all of whom are front-line shinobi, are qualified enough to single-handedly raise a child is to suggest that we have no sense of self-preservation, no real concern for the well-being of Minato-sensei’s precious child, and no sense of duty for Konoha because we are more than well-aware of our need as active shinobi at this time. To suggest that we lied to you about the reason we took Naruto is to undermine your trust in three of your most valuable active shinobi: one of the youngest jounin candidates, the previous guard to the Yondaime Hokage, and the acting Commanding Officer of ANBU. To suggest that Naruto  wasn’t neglected, Hokage-sama, shows a surprising level of arrogance and complacency from you I would have never expected from the Professor. It shows that you put no thought into the repercussions of the frankly stupid rules you called us over a month ago to instill. But more than all of that, ” Gai’s fists are shaking violently where they’re clenched by his sides. The energy in the room is restless, the curtains are billowing, and the door is rattling in its frame. Kakashi can feel cloth in his mouth from where his jaw lightly drops. Vaguely, he’s aware of Hokage pausing, shocked, pipe halfway to his mouth, and Jiraiya and Genma matching flabbergasted looks.  

“More than all of that, ” Gai says venomously, “to suggest that Genma and I are only here because Hatake Kakashi convinced us is the height of insult and dishonor. To suggest that two of your best shinobi are so weak that we let ourselves get swayed to effective treason by a friend is to disrespect the people you chose to help lead this village yourself. To suggest that the only reason Genma and I are here is because of blind loyalty is to suggest that your Commanding Officer of ANBU is frail enough to be swayed by his own emotions and grief, not to mention  blatantly and horrifically honoring the mantle of the Yondaime Hokage and Minato-sensei as a shinobi and person. Do you have even the slightest idea of everything that my eternal rival has endured? What he has forced himself to ignore and push through for the sake of your village? What impact his relationship with Minato-sensei had on him? Hokage-sama, while I take severe issue with everything else you said, I could have stayed quiet. Now, I am well aware of my own biases towards Hatake Kakashi, but to suggest that Genma feels the same is frankly absurd, and shows just how little attention you truly pay to the shinobi– to the children and teenagers – that pledge their lives to protect the village and you. My eternal rival’s love and dedication to the one last person in this godforsaken village who could see Kakashi as more than a mere weapon to be used and a bingo book bargaining chip and actually like a son is anything but blind. I’m sorry, Hokage-sama, but I can’t forgive this. Apologize to Kakashi right now, or I swear on Minato-sensei’s life I will take his precious baby from Jiraiya’s hands and flee Konoha and raise Naruto with Kakashi and Genma by myself. How dare you act so callously. How dare you– ”

The door flies open as a powerful gust of wind pushes the hat cleanly off of the Sandaime’s head and into the wall behind him. The papers on the Hokage’s desk go flying, the window screens slam, and Kakashi feels suddenly lightheaded, realizing just how large Gai’s chakra reserves must be to accommodate for his ridiculous levels of daily physical conditioning. All the same, something inside Kakashi’s chest feels utterly light, and he fights the inexplicable urge to cry. Gai is never one to shirk authority, and yet, he has done it. For me, Kakashi thinks. 

“GAI! Think of the baby! ” Genma yells, cutting Gai off. 

Gai’s eyes frantically widen, and just like a switch was flipped, the wind abruptly stops, and Gai steps out of the cracks he had made in the floor with the force of his blind anger. He immediately runs to where Jiraiya stands far away with Naruto in his arms, fussing over the baby, apologizing to Naruto softly and returning him to his spot on Gai’s chest. Gai walks back to where he was standing before, bouncing Naruto lightly in his hold, soothing him after the disturbance. When he reaches them, he looks, surprisingly calm, at the Sandaime, who in turn looks completely shell-shocked. “Hokage-sama, while I regret that my words were delivered in a way that disturbed Naruto, I do not retract any of what I said.” Shifting Naruto so his head rests on Gai’s shoulder, he continues, “I can easily leave. Genma and Kakashi can just as easily neutralize however many ANBU guards there are in here, and my eternal rival’s ninken pack can keep us from getting tracked. If you have any interest in seeing the rest of this meeting through and finding out why we brought Minato-sensei’s precious child here, you will apologize to my eternal rival.” He blows a strand of hair out of his face. “Immediately.” 

Seconds tick by. The Sandaime slowly brings his pipe to his mouth and puffs once, twice. He looks across the four shinobi standing in front of him assessingly and looks at Jiraiya, who meets his gaze. Hiruzen raises his brows. Interesting. Kakashi still looks rather shell-shocked about the whole debacle, and Genma seems very put-upon, looking twice his age in his wiry, sixteen-year-old body. 

He takes a breath. “My apologies, Kakashi, for any insult.” 

Kakashi, if at all possible, looks even more uncomfortable. He nods once, jerkily. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” 

The Sandaime turns to Gai now, his withered, expectant gaze all the more clear now that his hat is off his head. “Was that sufficient?” 

Still fussing over Naruto, Gai looks up and raises his thick brows. “Hokage-sama, if you have to ask me whether your apology is sufficient, you don’t feel any remorse at all, do you?” Gai’s pitch-black eyes level the Sandaime’s brown ones. “But I suppose it’ll have to be. I don’t think Genma is too keen on becoming a missing-nin,” he smiles wryly. 

Genma thankfully takes the cue and redirects the conversation. Chewing lazily around his senbon, Genma folds his arms behind his back, widens his stance, and tilts his chin up to look at the Sandaime from down his nose. The perfect image of protocol, the Sandaime thinks amusedly. The perfect soldier. “Right, Hokage-sama, now that we’ve got all that sorted, we were actually going to ask your permission to go find Tsunade-hime.”

At this, the Sandaime is openly shocked. He raises his brows and leans forward on his desk. “Whatever do you need Tsunade for?” 

Genma sighs. “Well, based on the rules you yourself implemented a month ago, Naruto isn’t allowed to be raised by anyone who might potentially have a conflict of interest. That not only erases us, but practically every clan parent, given how close Minato-sensei was with his jounin class. Then, on top of that, Naruto was literally thrown out like trash by the only orphanage in the village. We couldn’t just lob him with a random civilian family either, because of the stigma around the Kyuubi right now. And we obviously can’t let him die. That leaves no one in the village that can take him. Tsunade is a medic, someone with maternal instinct, someone who understands chakra and the challenges Naruto will likely grow up with, and left the village before Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai became candidates for Hokage. She’s the perfect person.” Genma falls from his formal stance, lazily taking the senbon out of his mouth and deftly twirling it between his fingers. “Is that an adequate enough explanation for you? We need to leave soon, anyway. Naruto’s got to have lunch soon and we want to make sure he’s fed before we leave.”

“I’m sorry, am I hearing this right? Are you suggesting that you’re going to leave as soon as you leave this office?” 

Another long-suffering sigh. “ No. As I just said, we need to feed Naruto first. That’ll probably take an hour or two because he needs to be burped and changed. Then we’re going to leave.” 

“Why are you taking the boy with you? Wouldn’t he just make it harder to travel?” 

Gai pipes up. “Well, who would take him while we’re going, Hokage-sama? We have no idea how long it’ll take to find her, anyway.” He passes Naruto on to Genma, rolling his shoulders to stretch them, as Genma begins to soothingly bounce Naruto in his arms to calm him back down. “Plus, actually seeing Naruto herself might make Tsunade-hime more likely to accept. No one can turn down a cute baby. Also, there’s the fact that he’s rather tragically malnourished.” 

Sarutobi Hiruzen heaves his shoulders in a hefty sigh for what must have been the thousandth time since Kakashi, Jiraiya, Genma, and Gai made their way into his office. “Tobirama-sensei, give me strength,” he mutters. He adjusts himself so he sits more regally in his chair, and puts his pipe down. “I take it you’ll be going to her whether or not I say yes, am I correct?”

Surprisingly, it’s Jiraiya who answers this time. “That’s correct, Sensei.” 

Hiruzen already feels a headache coming on from the sheer amount of time his eyebrows have spent parked halfway up his forehead in this meeting. “Well, alright then. Positions, shinobi.” 

Fluidly, all four of them slide into formal stance, save Genma, who widens his feet with everyone else but keeps his hands firmly around Naruto instead of folding them behind him. “Kakashi, jounin, Jiraiya, sannin, Genma, tokubetsu jounin, Gai, chuunin, I hereby assign you to the A-rank mission of locating Senju Tsunade and returning her to Konoha for the purpose of Uzumaki Naruto’s care. You are dismissed.” 

Betraying no emotion, the four shinobi nodded in unison and then shot out the window right next to the Hokage’s desk, Naruto in tow. 

Leaning back in his chair again, Hiruzen massaged his temple as he brought his pipe back to his mouth. “Wait till Koharu hears about this one. Those boys…” 

Back at Genma’s, Kakashi, Gai, and Jiraiya were frantically trying to feed Naruto and pack for a mission of indefinite length all at the same time. After a near half-hour of bickering, chaos, and bumping into each other, Genma stands like a troop commander in front of Kakashi, Gai, and Jiraiya, who are listening with varying degrees of respect. 

“Alright, men–”

Jiraiya snorts. “Men? Are we going to battle?” 

A wry smile. “We may as well be. Last I checked, Tsuande-hime wasn’t too pleased with you, was she, toady?” 

Jiraiya grimaces and, perhaps aptly, doesn’t dignify Genma’s jab with a response. Genma plows on, “ Men, we have about a thousand things to do and about zero time to do it. Based on the fiasco we just endured, and the fact that my parents still don’t know and cannot ever find out that I’ve been housing a baby who happens to be the Kyuubi’s jinchuuriki and the Yondaime’s son, two socially inept shinobi I’m almost ashamed to call my friends, and a lousy old pervert in my room for the last few days, we have to create a system to clean this shithole out and prepare for our upcoming mission.” Genma nimbly crosses the crowded floor to the crib/whiteboard combination and adjusts the tarp so that an unused patch is most visible. “Here’s everything we need to get done in the next hour or two. One, return all the books and scrolls to the library. Two, seal Naruto’s crib. Three, feed and change Naruto. Four, get all of us packed. We can figure out our plan of action from toadie once we’re already on the road. Have I missed anything?” 

“I think you got us covered,” Kakashi says. “Who’s doing what?” 

“Hatake, you’re getting us packed. Go home and grab as much as you can, water your plant, and make sure you pack enough for all three of us. Toadie, I assume you’ve got your shit sorted?” Jiraiya nods. “Great. Gai, you’re in charge of getting all the books back to the library. Think of it as some kind of physical conditioning.”

Gai’s eyes light up. “Yosh! If I don’t manage to carry all the books and scrolls back within three trips, I will do an extra one hundred laps around the village!” 

“Toadie, you’re in charge of sealing the crib, and the formula and food for Naruto I’ll bring up in a second. And I’ll feed and change Naruto. Now, disperse!” 

And just like that, Kakashi and Gai zoom out the window, one holding an inordinate amount of books, while Jiraiya unfurls a large sealing scroll and frantically muttering as he tried to remember fuinjutsu, and Genma stands on the roof, cradling Naruto in his arms. 

Looking down at the bright hair and ruddy cheeks that have already started to look healthier, Genma allows himself to smile. Minato-sensei, Kushina-senpai, you better be helping us out from up there. There’s no way this won’t end well otherwise. You gotta do it for both your kids– Naruto and Kakashi. If this mission ends up failing and we have to raise Naruto ourselves, Kakashi’s going to be beside himself freaking out. You gotta help us, Minato-sensei. 

Jolted out of his thoughts, Naruto starts to make abortive, whiny noises now that the bottle has completely drained. Great. Onto the next part, Genma thinks. I’m turning into a god damn mother. He chews on his senbon as he adjusts Naruto so he can burp the baby, and suddenly feels about ten years older than he already is. Looking down through his bedroom window, Kakashi and Gai have already returned, the room spotless apart from the three neat, identical packs, and are those bentos? Did Hatake Kakashi make us bentos? I have to be going insane. 

Genma looks heavenward as he lightly rubs Naruto’s back, and thinks, God, I wish this were a cigarette. 

They all look at each other, brows raised, eyes carefully unreadable. Like wolves circling each other, assessing their opponent’s strength, anticipating the next move, determining when and where exactly they should strike, their eyes flit around the table, the only thing moving amidst stony faces. The general din of the room around them seems to fade, and the only sounds anyone at the table heard were their own feet tapping, fingers drumming, hearts beating. 

The stillness seems to stretch on for hours. No one wants to break first. But someone has to. 

A sigh. The scratch of a glass on meticulously polished wood. The clink of plastic chips rattling against each other. 

“I’m all in.” 

And suddenly, a jubilant roar as the woman with thick, blonde hair throws her cards facedown on the table. She stands, rather crassly, as she downs the rest of her drink in one go. 

“A ROYAL FUCKING FLUSH, LADIES. LOOK AT THAT. A ROYAL FLUSH.” She bellows. “HAND OVER MY WINNINGS, YOU FILTHY LOSERS.” 

Her face, flushed with alcohol and glory, looks radiant as she messily pushes the money and odd ring or watch into a large briefcase provided by her companion. 

She claps one of the sour-looking old men next to her on the back, yelling an arrogant apology for her victory directly into his ear in order to be heard amidst the ruckus of the bar. Leaning over the table, she reaches at the last untouched cup of sake and downs it too, aiming for a flirtatious slap against the corresponding man’s head. In her drunkenness, she vastly underestimates her own power, and accidentally sends him flying into the wall. 

Paying no heed to the sudden yells around her, the woman gets up, still laughing, with her companion and her pet, fastening the large black briefcase against her side as she forces her way out the door. And just like that, the light and hearty atmosphere within the bar seems to dissipate. 

The men lethargically gather their cards and chips, making half-hearted conversation with each other– groaning about their loss, asking about a home and kids. 

One of the younger boys at the table though, remains seated, staring down at his full house in disbelief. He turns his hands so that they rest palms up against the table in defeat. Not even bothering to look up, he asks the older gentleman next to him, “Who the fuck was that?” 

The older man grasps the younger’s shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly, then turns to look out through the windows of the bar behind them. Amidst the monotone layers of early morning indigos and greys, one crown of pale blonde retreats in the distance. 

“That,” the man replies, with a slight air of wistfulness, “is the Slug Princess, Senju Tsunade.”

While the men at the bar lusted over her and the idea of besting her in the bed and in the betting pool, Tsunade stands in an alleyway with Shizune and Tonton, clutching the oversized briefcase to her midriff, and panics about her latest winning. 

“This is the fourth one in a row! This never happens!”

“I know, Shishou.” 

“The last time this happened was right before Da– was right before that happened! Something’s gonna go horribly again, I know it!” 

“I know, Shishou!” came the frantic response. “But you can’t just freak out every time you catch a winning streak. Maybe you’re just getting better!” 

Tsunade stomps a heel-clad shoe against the gravel petulantly. “Can and will! Something’s about to happen, there’s no way it won’t!” 

“I know, Shishou!” Shizune nearly snaps. “Look, do you want to return the winnings?” 

Immediately, all the panic flows from Tsunade’s body as she regards her companion incredulously. “Are you out of your goddamn mind? Are you actually dumb, Shizune?” 

Shizune harrumphs. “That’s what I thought. So now that you’ve won, no use worrying about it. Just keep your eyes peeled for anything strange, if you’re so insistent that it’ll happen.” 

“Can’t we just leave? Isn’t that safer?” 

“Shishou…. We came here yesterday–” 

“–and we’ve stayed in villages for less time! We haven’t even unpacked, Shizune, please.” 

“Shishou, I’m so tired. We haven’t stopped traveling for practically days now!” 

“Ton! ” 

“See, Shisou, Tonton agrees with me! Please, can we stay here just one more day? All of our luggage is in such a nice room at the hotel, did you see the beds? Shishou, you can’t possibly not  want to stay there. Please?” 

Tsunade grimaces and jerks her head away from Shizune. “Fine. One more day. But if anything seems to go wrong in that time, we leave. Understood?” 

Shizune beams. “Understood, Shishou!” 

Tsunade allows herself a small smile at her apprentice’s obvious relief. “Come on, then. Let’s get back to the hotel, shall we?” She turns on her heel and marches out of the alleyway, back towards the bar. She doesn’t bother to check if Shizune had followed her, the extra clack of heels and light bouncing of pearls tells her everything she needs to know, not to mention Tsunade can’t name a place other than the bathroom that Shizune hasn’t followed her to in the last ten years. Tsunade effortlessly slides the hefty wooden door of the inn with a singular, immaculately manicured hand, and strides through to the bar area, and approaches the innkeeper. 

“Evening, Mai-san! Hope we didn’t completely ruin the bar earlier,” Tsunade laughs as she breezes past the desk and to the stairwell. 

“Nothing that can’t be fixed in a day, Tsunade-hime, Shizune-san.” As she laughed, the crow's feet around Mai’s eyes deepened, furthering her image as a kind, maternal woman completely at odds with the raucous bar she kept. “Now,” she limped over to the end of the counter to look up at Tsunade and Shizune who were already halfway up the stairs, “you two get a good night’s rest, and you better not be stingy with breakfast tomorrow, what with those winnings I saw you get today.” 

Mai’s eyes sparkled despite her mildly threatening tone, and Shizune laughed, a ring that echoed through the stairwell. “It’ll be the full traditional for both of us tomorrow morning, Mai-san, don’t you worry,” Shizune said. 

 “Good girl. Now both of you, sleep well!” 

“Goodnight, Mai-san!” rang out one last time in the empty stairwell as Mai looked at Shizune and Tsunade’s retreating backs for a split second longer and smiled. 

In their small inn room, Shizune looks up from where she’s setting aside her clothes for tomorrow. “Shishou, why don’t we spend the day sightseeing? I thought I saw a pretty tower when we were entering earlier, it might be a nice way to relax, right?” 

“Whatever you want, Shizune. We’ve got these winnings, cursed as they may be, so I’m all set.” 

“Well, alright then. I’m glad you’re on board.” Shizune removes her haori and tucks herself into bed. “Goodnight, Shishou. Congrats on the win.” 

Shooting one last smile at her apprentice, Tsunade flicks the lamp light off and gets into bed too. “Night, Shizune. Here’s to hoping I’ve just gotten that much better at gambling.” 

“Oh, fuck .” 

(Tsunade was right the first time. She absolutely did not get that much better at gambling.) 

It took a while to reach this point, however. It began, as most things do, by just waking up.  

“Shishou! Sightseeing today! Let’s get ready!” Shizune eagerly shook Tsunade’s bed, looking uncannily like an overly-excited puppy. “Shishou! We can’t waste the day! This is the first real time we’ve had off!” 

Tsunade groaned, shielding her eyes from the sunlight now streaming in from the window. The back of her head felt prickly, the way she always felt when something is off, but it could have also been due to the fact that her entire head was also throbbing like mad, most likely due to the sheer amount of sake she had managed to drink in two short hours last night. 

While Shizune excitedly flit about the room, putting away their clothes and sorting their luggage in preparation for the day ahead of them, Tsunade sat in front of the inn vanity and stared listlessly at her reflection. Her hair was mangled and her eyes bloodshot from lack of proper sleep. Snatching the brush from the counter, she managed to tame her hair into her normal style and use every last ounce of her patience to not snap at Shizune, who now was humming delightedly under her breath. 

Once Tsunade finally got ready, they descended to the main floor of the inn, where Mai greeted them warmly and provided them with a hearty breakfast. Shizune and Mai fell easily into conversation, Shizune admiring the line of pearls Mai donned today. After serving them, Mai walked back to her place behind the inn’s counter, and Tsunade felt the prickle in the back of her head worsen. Probably just the idea of eating right now. 

They finished their meal and offered their thanks to Mai, whose eyes crinkled around the edges endearingly. But the farther and farther the two kunoichi walked away from Mai and to the door, the more painful the prickling in Tsunade’s head became. 

Tsunade touched the doorknob, and suddenly, every inkling of something wrong she had felt since the moment she woke up fell into place with one realization: 

Mai wasn’t limping this morning. 

“Shizune,” Tsunade said in a low voice, “Take Tonton and run.” 

Shizune’s eyes widened. She met Tsunade’s gaze, and then flicked it slightly over to where the counter was. Only a second later, realization dawned in her eyes. “Are you sure? You’re not recovered yet.” 

Tsunade grinned, but it was more of a grimace than anything else. “I’ve done more with less. Take Tonton, leave normally, check for shinobi as discreetly as possible, and shunshin out of sight. If things go bad, I’m going to need you to pop in. Understood?” 

“Understood, Shishou. Good luck.” 

This forced a laugh out of her. “Luck? Shizune, I’m still a Sannin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. I don’t need luck. I will win.” 

Shizune left through the wide sliding door, and Tsunade turned back around to face the counter and closed her eyes. 

“One, two, three, four…. Five more of you?” Tsunade opened her eyes and looked at the shinobi who had henge’d into Mai. “Honestly, I’m quite flattered. But did you hurt Mai-san? If you did, I might have to actually try in this fight. For her honor, you know.” 

The shinobi who had henge’d into Mai did not respond. 

“Right, well, I guess you wouldn’t want to answer me. But let me ask this, for both of our sakes– why don’t we take this outside? ” And with that, Tsunade brought the side of her chakra-enhanced fist into the hefty door of the inn. 

Hair still miraculously in place, Tsunade grimaces at the now-completely collapsed inn behind her, the cracks in the ground beneath her, and wonders why she bothered putting on makeup this morning. 

Throb. Right. It was for the horrific eye bags she woke up with. And to cover the fact that she is painfully, painfully hungover. 

For the most part, the six shinobi that had ambushed seem prepared to keep fighting, except for one, whom Tsunade isn’t sure whether she killed or just knocked out. Tch. 

“Couldn’t you have waited till I wasn’t still half drunk? You people are so inconsiderate. Lord .” 

Tsunade sweeps her left foot behind her, distributing her weight evenly across her body. She shakes out the fist she used to blow out the storefront and brings it loosely in front of her face, keeping the other relaxed to guard her midriff. She takes a deep breath– in for three, out for three– and settles her gaze on the middle of the five shinobi who are currently closing in. 

“Alright,” she smirks. “Let’s dance.” 

But no one came forth. 

So Tsunade waits for another second. Then another three. A minute passes. 

Sliding out of her stance, Tsunade laughs a bit. “Already given up? Man, and I was just about ready to start fighting too. And right after I had that amazing one-liner… You’re really making me feel old…” 

Slowly, the shinobi in the middle draws a kunai from their pouch, and something in Tsunade’s brain clicks. 

“That grip… You’re Konoha shinobi, aren’t you?” 

No response. 

“Why do your masks look so different? Have they changed ANBU that much since I’ve left?” 

No response. 

“And why are you attacking me, anyway? I got permission from Sarutobi-sensei to leave! So you guys have to be––” Something settles in Tsunade’s gut and lodges itself there, filling her with nausea and unease. “ oh. Oh, I see.” 

Still no response. Tsunade narrows her eyes. 

“Are you cowards going to fight me or not?” 

Then, so quickly Tsunade hears the sound of metal slipping cleanly through the air before she can even see it, the shinobi slashes their arm open and lets blood spill from the open wound. 

The effect is immediate. Tsunade immediately feels weak at the knees and fights the bile threatening to rise up her throat. Fuck. Fuck, I can’t be in this state right now. Snap out of it, Tsunade, snap out of it! 

Tsunade crumbles, bowing over the ground as she clutches her chest and tries to ignore the sharp smell of iron wafting through the air. She grips the crystal that hangs from her neck and focuses on steadying her breathing and feeling the movement of chakra around her as the shinobi steadily approaches her. 

Well, if only one of them is going to interact with me, may as well get rid of the rest of ‘em. 

Instantly, Tsunade floods her chakra paths, bathing her in a light green aura and filling the clearing where she stands with the sharp smell of maple syrup. She raises her right foot, balancing her weight, and slams it down, keeping her arms bent by her hips to help ground her. The ground erupts into fissures, and then explodes outward, trapping the five shinobi before her underneath the resulting boulders. Given their weight, they should be dealing with incredibly painful rib fractures that will prevent them from moving for a long, long time. Or at least until Tsunade heals them. If she feels like healing them. 

And before the shinobi with the slashed arm can move or retaliate, Tsunade quickly makes three hand signs– boar, dog, horse– and brings her hands to join the intact ground beneath her. Instantly, a mud dome encases the shinobi, layers and layers of chakra-infused earth forming a tight net. Tsunade strides over with purpose, idly wondering where Shizune is right now, if she’s in the trees, but doesn’t want to expend unnecessary chakra on locating her chakra signature. After she reaches the dome, she stands for a second and lets her chakra flare a bit, to be showy. Once again, Tsunade is reminded of how good her eternally youthful image is– good for men who underestimate her in gambling and bar fights, and very good for robotically-trained shinobi who look at her deceivingly dainty arms, her meticulously filed cherry-tinted fingers and toes, and her low-cut top, and think Tsunade’s reputation has been twisted and magnified by hearsay and legend and word of mouth. But in reality, Senju Tsunade, the last remaining heir of Hashirama and Tobirama, Sannin of Konoha, legendary kunoichi, the woman who single-handedly transformed battle medicine, is much more than what the whispers make of her. 

Lazily, she tosses one of her loosely-tied ponytails back and inspects the damage around her. Three of the shinobi seem to be suffering head wounds, the other passed out from the sheer blunt impact. And the last, encased in a dome. 

Tsunade has yet to break a sweat. 

She decides to take pity on him; he is, after all, a fellow shinobi of Konoha. “If you want any chance of getting out of here, or fulfilling what I am pretty sure is your duty, you will talk. The other option is me sealing the microscopic air holes in this dome and leaving you here to suffocate and die, which will take practically none of my chakra, and all of fifteen minutes.” 

A pause. “Tsunade-hime,” she hears, muffled by the earth. “A message from Danzo Shimura of Konoha.” 

Tsunade’s eyebrows shoot up. “Not from the Hokage? What happened to the Yondaime? Last I checked, Minato was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about the whole affair.”

Another pause. Eventually, it seems like the shinobi decides answering Tsunade directly isn’t in violation of his mission, so he responds: “the Yondaime Hokage is dead. Just over a month ago, the Kyuubi was released and nearly destroyed the village.” 

 This time, Tsunade actually makes a noise of surprise. “ Dead? Who’s the Hokage now?”

“The Sandaime.” 

“The Sandaime, Tsunade-sama. ” 

A sigh. Tsunade takes this as a signal to reinforce the dome a bit. 

The shinobi croaks, “The Sandaime, Tsunade-hime.” 

Momentarily appeased, Tsuande returns the dome to normal. “If Sarutobi-sensei is Hokage again, then why are your masks….” She trails off. “I am going to ask you a question. If you answer me, it will be to deny my statement. If you don’t respond, I am going to assume what I have said is true. Given what it is, I will not harm you any more than I absolutely must if we fight. Do you understand?” 

“I do, Tsunade-hime.” 

“Very good.” Tsunade drums her nails along the top of the earthen dome. “Some of my sources tell me that there are not one, but two elite assassination and tactical groups housed in Konoha. One is ANBU, and is sanctioned by and for the Hokage. The other is ROOT, and is not sanctioned by the Hokage. Are you a member of this group?” 

Tsunade waits for ten seconds, and no answer comes. She looks heavenward. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I really am going to kill Sarutobi-sensei when I go back there. “Right. Okay.” She straightens. “I am going to dissolve this dome, and you are going to deliver your message to me. I am alone, and I am willing to listen to your message, which means you have no reason to fight. If you decide to fight, however, I would remind you to think of the state of your four–sorry, five– comrades, and of the fact that I have not exhausted my chakra reserves at all. Do you understand the conditions you must agree to in order for you to get out of this dome, and, probably more importantly, deliver the results of this mission to your master ?” 

Like this, Tsunade is a completely different person than who she was at the poker table not twelve hours ago. Then, she was an overly-excitable civilian gambler with a devilishly good figure. She was young, she was enticing, she was a flirt who could drink the five men around her under the table with no effort. Now, standing casually over the dome that easily covers her opponent, Tsunade is a spitfire kunoichi with the blessing of Senju Hashirama and Uzumaki Mito around her neck. She is the Slug Princess and disciple of the Sandaime Hokage, she is older and wiser than any of her enemies have given her credit for– and most importantly, she is about to make this poor ROOT shinobi sorry he ever tried to engage with her. But for now, she brings her hands together, and says, “ Kai!” 

The dome immediately crumbles gracefully around the now-crouching ROOT shinobi, forming a neat circle of dirt around them. Tsunade notes, with mild interest and amusement, that they managed to heal their own wound while they were trapped. 

“Stand. And deliver your message.” 

“Danzo-sama would like you to return to Konoha or send him a message, because he currently requires your medical expertise and assistance for research he is currently doing with Orochimaru-sama.” 

Tsunade wonders how she still manages to be surprised by what this shinobi is telling her. “Orochimaru?” she presses, feeling the name of her former teammate roll around in her mouth. It tastes sour. As much as she loathes to admit it, she misses him. “Why are Danzo and Orochimaru working together?” 

“That is not part of the mission parameters. Danzo-sama simply requires your medical expertise in this research with Orochimaru. What shall I tell him?” 

Something's not right. Something is about to go very, very, wrong. Tsunade thinks about the oversized briefcase filled with gold in the corner of her inn, and curses it with such vigor that Tobi-ojichan would be proud. 

“You will tell him nothing,” Tsunade takes a threatening step towards the shinobi, “Until you tell me what exactly Danzo and Orochimaru are researching, and why they need me specifically.” 

The ROOT shinobi hesitates almost imperceptibly. Tsunade almost allows herself to smirk, but then the shinobi brings a kunai out again , and slashes his wrist again . And Tsunade feels herself crumble with the sharp smell of iron, humiliatingly, again . 

“You have one week to consider Danzo-sama’s offer,” the shinobi says, returning to their robotic state. Distantly, as Tsunade counts in threes, she registers the shinobi getting away. 

Still gulping down air, Tsunade’s first thought upon registering that she is alone in the clearing is, predictably, FUCK. 

The second, she voices out loud. “SHIZUNE!” She calls, and, in a flash, her raven-haired assistant is by her side. She sighs. “I need a drink.” 

“GOD, I’m starving.” 

“Shiranui, you’ve been saying this for hours now. You’re practically louder than the baby,” Kakashi rolls his eyes. 

“That doesn’t make it any less true!” He retorts. “C’mon, it’s raining, Naruto is hungry too, we may as well stop to get some grub. The town looks nice!” 

Kakashi scoffs, but doesn’t say anything, mostly because his stomach has been growling for the last three hours too. Instead, he silently defers to Gai. 

“Yosh! We aren’t too far off, and this will be a good place to replenish our strength and ensure Naruto has a chance to eat and rest!” 

The three shinobi look at Jiraiya, who is walking slightly ahead of them. Thankfully, his shoulders slump in relief too, and Kakashi quietly laughs. He was probably just avoiding saying he wants to stop so we’d take him more seriously . 

“Right! Let’s stop. I’m pretty sure there’s a bar around here, and I could definitely use a drink.” 

The dour mood immediately lightens, and the four shinobi weave through the small civilian town. The streets, for the most part, are empty: the streetlamps bathe a soft yellow light on the cobblestone that lies beneath older wooden buildings and storefronts this late at night. Every now and then, they will pass a civilian couple who look very much in love, or a still-drunk businessman stumbling blindly down the sidewalk. 

Eventually, they reach a small bar at the end of an alley, noticeable for its small neon sign. It looks less crowded than anywhere else, which Gai says will probably be better for Naruto. As soon as they enter, though, the host looks between the older man with white hair cascading down his back and the three clearly underage boys, one of whom is holding a baby, and promptly tells them to find another place to dine. Rather exhausted, they pull off a rather awkward maneuver which involves Kakashi almost revealing his sharingan, Gai frantically stopping him and then having to calm the baby, and Jiraiya exasperatedly sliding the host a few bills, and find themselves directed to a booth near the back of the restaurant. 

And just as they reach the end of the bar, Jiraiya abruptly stops. 

Genma runs straight into Jiraiya’s back. “Toadie, what the hell was that for?” 

But Kakashi and Gai, who now flank Genma on either side, can see exactly what made the Toad Sage stop in his tracks. Standing just before them, soft blonde hair made yellow gold in the bar light, cheeks flushed from alcohol, and a smile half-frozen onto her face, stands Senju Tsunade. 

“Well, ladies,” Jiraiya grins, his eyes not moving from where they meet Tsunade’s, “meet the Slug Princess.” 

Kakashi rolls his eyes. “We know who she is, Toad Bastard,” he says, “Can she help us is the question.” 

Tsunade’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly. “Sorry, I have a lot to process. First, Toad Bastard ? Jiraiya, these kids are treating you with absolutely no respect, and you just let them?” 

Jiraiya sheepishly rubs the back of his neck while Genma snorts. “Yeah he does. It’s the least his useless ass can do. You’ll find out in a second.” 

Tsunade raises a brow. “Okay. Secondly,” she turns to face Kakashi. “What the hell is the son of the White Fang doing here? Don’t you have clan duties?” 

Gai looks like he’s about to say something extremely vile in defense of him, so Kakashi neatly steps in. “My father died about four years ago. There is no more Hatake clan.” 

Tsunade grimaces. “Why is everyone turning up dead? I’m sorry, kid, that must’ve been rough for you. If I knew I wouldn’t have brought it up.” 

Kakashi is so shocked at the show of sympathy his visible eye widens. “Uh… Right. Yes. Thank you, it’s no big deal,” he manages to say. 

“Glad we settled that,” Tsunade pushes forward. “Now,” she says more authoritatively, “Thirdly, and certainly most importantly, why in the world is there a baby with you ?” 

Seemingly out of nowhere, another woman appears next to Tsunade. “ There’s a baby ?” She frantically looks at Naruto. “Is he okay? How long have you been traveling with him?” 

“Who are you?” Genma says, at the same time Gai says, “I believe so! We have been traveling for about 8 hours, but he was fed and changed right before we left, and asleep for the vast majority of the trip. We were hoping to feed him now!” 

“This is Shizune, my apprentice,” Tsunade says. “Maito, you have the right idea. Shizune can help with the food and figuring out if anything is wrong with him.” 

Gai looks up from where he’s handing Naruto’s bundled form to Shizune. “I’m sorry if I’m being overly presumptuous, Tsunade-hime, but how do you know my name?” 

“My, aren’t you polite?” She gives him an indulgent smile. “At least one of you has the right idea, then. Kid, you look exactly like your father. And I may have been outside of Konoha for a while, but Maito Dai has been a legend for longer than when I’ve left. You should be proud to carry on his legacy.” 

Kakashi saw Gai’s eyes start to water and he felt his heart squeeze. “Thank you for your kindness, Tsunade-hime,” Gai said impressively evenly. “Allow me to properly introduce ourselves. I am Gai, a jounin candidate for Konoha. My two companions are Shiranui Genma, my dear teammate, tokubetsu jounin of Konoha, and former guard to the Yondaime Hokage, and Hatake Kakashi, my eternal rival and Commanding Officer of ANBU.” 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, kids,” she nods. “Now, will anybody actually explain to me why you’re traveling with this baby?” 

Jiraiya sighs deeply. “Right. It’s in our best interest to get the hard part over with. Why don’t you and Shizune join us at our booth?” 

She nods as he directs their large group to the back of the restaurant, where Tsunade finds herself, for the third time in the last 48 hours, surrounded by five men of various ages, and for the second, crowded around a small table, lit only by a flickering fluorescent light. Tsunade sits on one side of the booth along with Shizune and Gai, who are muttering amongst themselves about how to properly take care of Naruto, what Genma and Gai have been feeding Naruto, if Naruto was well-behaved on the trip over. In the other booth, Jiraiya is sandwiched between Kakashi and Genma, who both look equally uncomfortable at either end of the booth.

Tsunade looks at Jiraiya across the table, and for a moment, they are jounin in the midst of the Third Ninja War, trying to forget the crumbling world around them, looking for cheap grub with Orochimaru, interleaving gossip about other shinobi with battle plans, conspiring about the enemy’s weak points and powers. And now here they find themselves, so many years later, and Tsunade has an inkling that they are about to pass on that Will of Fire to the next generation, sitting at this very table. 

“Alright. I have two questions. First, why are you traveling with a baby? Actually, now I have three questions, sorry. First, yes, why the baby, two, who is the baby, and three, there’s no way the four of you just so happened to be on a mission that just so happened to be where Shizune and I are. So, why do you need me?” 

“Well, easiest question first, I suppose,” Jiraiya responds, placing his hands on the table. “We need you to come back to Konoha with us and be the next Hokage.” 

Tsunade spits out her beer, which Kakashi very narrowly dodges. Shizune jerks her head up, nearly banging her head against the bottom of Gai’s jaw in the process. 

“You WHAT?” 

Jiraiya’s voice does not waver. “We came to retrieve you in order to be the next Hokage.” 

Tsunade laughs, slightly hysterically. “Jiraiya, you must be out of your goddamn mind. There is absolutely no way I’d become Hokage.” 

“Why not? It’s not a frontline position, you can still gamble in your free time, and you’d be no more committed to the village than you already are.” 

Tsunade takes an aggressive swig of her beer and slams it down on the table angrily. “Every single Hokage has died a premature death, giving their life for a village that does nothing for them in return. Only a complete fool would actually want the position. Ojii-chan sacrificed his life for a village that went against his very ideals. Tobi-ojichan was too hardened from Ojii-chan’s death and then he had to go fight in a war too, and then the relationship between the Uchiha and the Senju got even worse. Then Sarutobi-sensei was way too soft for his own good, letting his own friendships rot the city from the inside.” She smacked her lips together. “And then that Namikaze – he was young and he seemed good, but at the end of the day he was just––” 

It all seems to happen in slow motion: Kakashi, lunging over the table and yanking Tsunade forward by the neck of her haori, completely uncaring of the fact that he may as well have been ripping off her shirt. Tsunade’s beer, topping over half-full onto the floor. Jiraiya, immediately leaping up and having to jerk Kakashi back. Gai, yelling and clutching Naruto closer to his chest. Shizune, immediately using her body to shield Naruto as well. Genma, panicking and pleading with Kakashi to let go , exchanging a frightened look with Gai– 

–And then it all comes crashing down at once. 

“KEEP SENSEI’S NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, YOU PATHETIC GAMBLING BITCH!”

Tsunade uses two chakra enhanced fists to throw Kakashi’s hands off her. She stands up, slams one heeled foot on the table and leans over to get inches away from Kakashi, who stands exactly where she left him, visible eye burning with rage. She keeps her voice softer than Kakashi’s, but no less venomous, when she says, “Do you know who the fuck you’re talking to, you snot-nosed brat? I’ve done more with my pinky toe than you probably have in your ten-something years alive. I’ve killed men three times your age and your size. If you kneel and apologize right now, maybe I’ll consider not completely kicking your ass.” 

“Shishou, please –” 

“Hatake, I’m begging you, sit down –” 

Kakashi gets out of the booth and stands, hands clenched at his sides. The light begins to flicker and he’s starting to feel goosebumps along his skin again when he says, “Follow me outside. Now.” 

Kakashi immediately storms out of the bar, Tsunade hot on his heels, both only made angrier by their lack of food and excess of alcohol, respectively. Jiraiya, Genma, Gai, and Shizune, who now holds Naruto, scramble outside after them, only to see Kakashi and Tsunade gearing up for a fight in the dimly-lit street. 

“Do you know who I am, you two-bit hag? I’m the youngest Commanding Officer of ANBU. I graduated from the Academy at six years old . I’m an S-ranked-nin in all five shinobi nation bingo books, but more than all of that, I’m young enough that I didn’t have to live through the Third Ninja War. I’m young enough to not give a singular fuck about who you are, Sannin or granddaughter of Hashirama or whatever!” Kakashi screams across the road to wear Tsunade stands. Genma and Gai exchange yet another panicked look; they’ve never seen Kakashi raise his voice like this. Kakashi is talking so fast and so loudly now that his words are starting to slur together, his hands are shaking with lightning he doesn’t even notice crackling through his fingertips, his voice keeps cracking because he has never raised it to this level in his life. And yet, Kakashi keeps screaming ,  “I’m young enough that no matter what I accomplish for this village, all I ever do is live through the failings of the war you were supposed to have ended! And Sensei knew that, and he was the only person who saw that there was something wrong and actually cared enough to try and fix it, SO KEEP HIS NAME OUT OF OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!” 

And fast enough for only ninja to process, Kakashi appears, enraged, right in front of Tsunade who stands dumbstruck, right hand poised back, about to punch right through her chest–

“KAKASHI! YOUR CHIDORI!” 

Genma’s scream rings through the street and hits Kakashi like a punch to the gut. Immediately, he freezes, and the lightning fizzles out. Kakashi staggers backwards, taking large gulps of air. Under the streetlamp, Tsunade can see that the cloth under his left eye is steadily darkening as Kakashi clutches his hitai-ate and groans in pain. 

No one dares move as Kakashi stumbles back across the street, back where he had started. “I’m–” he croaks, once, twice, voice completely shot. “I’m sorry,” he eventually stammers. “I don’t…. I wasn’t in control, I have to–” he starts to turn to the direction of the trees, away from Tsunade, the street, the prying eyes of Jiraiya and Shizune who have never seen him panic, “I have to go and…. I have to go.” He turns to Genma and Gai, “I’m sorry. I’ll be back soon. I have to go,” He swallows roughly and pleads, though no one has denied him, “Let me go…” 

Gai steps tentatively towards Kakashi. “My eternal rival,” he says gently, in a voice that betrays none of the heartbreak he feels, “Please be safe, alright?” 

Kakashi nods jauntily, and immediately shunshins away. 

Now, with the attention of everyone on Tsunade, she plops gracelessly on the ground and looks up at everyone. “What the hell was that?” 

“Chidori,” Genma supplies shortly. “It’s a physical extension of his lightning affinity. He devised it himself and got help from Minato-sensei, and it became second nature to the degree where he can’t control it when he gets upset. He hates it more than anything else in the world.” 

Tsunade scoffs softly. “Well, yeah, any shinobi would hate not being in control of their own jutsu.”

“No, that’s not it. He hates having come up with Chidori at all. He can’t bear the sight of it.” 

“Why? That seems like a viciously effective jutsu, not to mention how innovative and convenient it is,” Tsunade says. “It seems relatively chakra-efficient too.” 

Genma looks like he has swallowed a particularly sour lemon. “He killed one of his genin teammates with it.” Taking in Tsunade’s wide eyes, he amends, “Well, she committed suicide using his chidori. He was aiming for an enemy shinobi. You have to have heard what they say about him,” Genma shoves his hands in his pockets, tone deceptively light, “Kakashi the Friend Killer. Cold-Blooded Kakashi. The Copy-Cat Ninja. The Sharingan Bastard. You have, haven’t you?” 

Tsunade nods, slowly. “I did… I didn’t realize the son of the White Fang was that Kakashi.” 

“How many other Kakashis do you know? It’s not exactly a common name,” Genma snaps. “Look, Tsunade-sama. Kakashi is the most gifted weapon Konoha has been blessed with in the last generation, but he’s still just a kid. He spent the first ten years of his life watching the name of his father get dragged through the mud by the very shinobi he saved until he killed himself, and then spent the next four promptly losing damn near every single remaining member of a family he had. Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei . I mean, goddammit, the only reason we lugged our asses all the way here in the first place is because this baby is the last remaining semblance of family and responsibility he has , and Kakashi would go ballistic if he had to just sit and let Minato-sensei’s kid grow up the same way he did himself. You’re right, you’ve probably done more than he has in his entire life with your thumb, or whatever the fuck you said. Because he’s a traumatized kid . I’m sorry on his behalf if anything he said was offensive to you.” Genma suddenly looks much older than his years as he sighs, spits out his senbon, and kicks at where it lodges itself in the concrete. He rolls his shoulders back, returning to his full height from where he had hunched in on himself, trying to avoid eye contact while exposing the depths of Kakashi’s pain to a woman who has no right to learn it at all, and says “I’m gonna go check on Hatake. Gai, you good to stay here?” 

“Yosh! Thank you, my dear teammate. Please go retrieve my eternal rival and return!” Gai flashes a thumbs-up. 

Genma nods, smiling a bit. “Great,” he says, pulling another senbon from his pouch and letting it rest between his teeth. “Be back in a few,” he does a lazy half-salute and shunshins off into the forest. 

Tsunade leans back on her hands and takes a deep breath. 

“Tsunade-hime, if I may…?” Gai takes a tentative step forward. “I’m sure that this has all been a bit much for you to hear. As much as I love them, the extremely powerful shinobi I am blessed to be traveling with are a bit less experienced in tact.” 

Tsunade takes the olive branch for what it is, and rewards Gai for his politeness with a shadow of a smile. She sits up and gestures to the spot on the ground in front of her. Gai sits down, and says, “If I recall correctly, there were other questions you had asked in the bar that were left unanswered. Truthfully, they all relate to why we came to find you. But Jiraiya-sama was right, in that asking you to be Hokage was actually the easiest thing to admit first. We’re rather desperate, you see.” Gai sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. 

“You’re the only one who treats Jiraiya with any respect out of the three of you, huh? Well, no wonder I like you the best of the lot.” 

Gai sits up straight and looks Tsunade directly in the eyes. “Tsunade-hime, know that my eternal rival and dear teammate would never go out of their way to be disrespectful to a superior without any reason. And if I’m being honest, I don’t particularly respect Jiraiya-sama either, but he has been helpful these past few days, and it’s against my nature to refer to my superiors so casually, regardless of what they’ve done.” 

Now Tsunade’s interest is piqued. “What did Jiraiya do?” 

Gai huffs out a dry laugh. “Well, funny you should ask, because all roads lead to the same thing. Are you comfortable?” She nods. “Alright. To start, the baby we are traveling with and that Shizune-san is currently looking after is Uzumaki Naruto, the child of the Yondaime Hokage and Uzumaki Kushina. I trust you know them?” Another nod, more slowly this time. “Even though you’ve been away, I’m sure some details have reached you. Clearly, based on the events that happened earlier, you know that Minato-sensei has died. What exactly do you know?” 

“... Just that he died protecting Konoha from the Kyuubi.” 

Gai nods. “The Kyuubi’s jinchuuriki was Kushina-senpai. Just over a month ago, someone close to Minato-sensei and his position as the Hokage took advantage of Kushina-senpai’s jinchuuriki seal weakening, and unleashed the Kyuubi onto the village. Both Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai gave their lives to contain the beast, leaving Naruto with no family.”

“How did they manage to contain it? I mean, where would they seal the Kyuubi if both of them were about to die?” Tsunade asks, confused. 

Gai doesn’t say anything, but he raises his brows slightly instead. 

When it hits her, Tsunade feels like she’s going to vomit. “In his own son?” 

Gai nods. “Who else was there? Minato-sensei had no one else, and needed to save the village. I… He had to have had an immense amount of faith in Naruto and the village, to seal the Kyuubi in him.” 

Tsunade sits with that for a second. “Wait, and this has to do with Jiraiya how ?” 

Gai averts his gaze. “Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai named Jiraiya Naruto’s godfather… but Jiraiya refuses to take Naruto and raise him. He says he just can’t.” 

Tsunade’s eyes widen. “ No …. Jiraiya wouldn’t do that, he loved Minato like a son, I know he did!” 

“But the fact remains that he didn’t. My eternal rival… did not take too well to that. And honestly, neither did my dear teammate, nor me. He could’ve found a way if he actually cared enough. At that point, though, I guess we could all live with it.” 

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ somewhere in there.” 

Gai nods. “After the Sandaime pulled the four of us aside and weirdly told us we weren’t allowed to raise Naruto due to ‘conflicts of interest’,” Gai makes air quotation marks, “Jiraiya suggested we place Naruto in the civilian orphanage. They understand how to deal with babies, they won’t have a conflict of interest, they’re less likely to know that Naruto is the missing son of the Yondaime Hokage and the jinchuuriki of the Tailed Beast that just destroyed the village. It made sense. But… exactly a month later, I was going to train with my eternal rival early in the morning, as a way of blowing off steam. The night before, Kakashi was….” Gai gets a faraway look in his eyes. “He doesn’t… Kakashi is a born and bred warrior. Which means he keeps all of his emotions locked away where he can’t feel them, and when he does….” Gai trails off. Tsunade searches Gai’s face, trying to see where his sudden wistfulness has come from, but before she can figure it out, Gai shakes himself out of his reverie. He takes a breath that makes his shoulders rise, saying “I was on my way to the opposite side of the village to get to the training grounds, and I happened to pass over the civilian area of town. I heard crying on one of the streets, so I went to go check what it was so early in the morning, and it was…” Gai struggles to get the words out. “Naruto was wrapped up on the side of the road, just abandoned. I don’t know how long he had been out there before I could get to him. I didn’t know if he had eaten, I didn’t know if he had been malnourished, for how long during that month he had been mistreated or neglected….” 

Gai takes another breath and turns to meet Tsunade’s eyes again. “We need you. We can’t give Naruto to any of Minato-sensei’s jounin friends, because all of them are either clan heads or high-ranking jounin who have full time jobs, especially trying to rebuild the city, not to mention both of them having small children as well. Mikoto Uchiha wanted to take him in because she was Kushina-senpai’s best friend, but she can’t because… she’s an Uchiha. And it’s not like me or my dear teammate or eternal rival can’t take him in, or even raise him together,” He explains, “But Tsunade-hime, look at us. I’m only fifteen years old. Genma is sixteen, and Kakashi is only fourteen, despite the fact that he acts older than all of us. Genma is the only one out of the three of us that isn’t an orphan and has some general idea about what taking care of a baby is like, and all three of us are high-ranking shinobi that are needed for missions in Konoha. We can’t do this. And he can’t die– not just because he’s the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, or even because he’s the Yondaime Hokage’s legacy, but because he’s a baby, Tsunade-hime, and he’s a child of the Will of Fire. You have to help, Tsunade-hime, you’re the only one who could possibly raise him and give him the upbringing he deserves, as a maternal figure and a kunoichi.” 

“And that’s why we need you as Hokage too– no, really,” he says, cutting Tsunade off before she can say anything. “Why didn’t the Sandaime let us talk about the Kyuubi attack at all? Why did he forbid anyone from revealing that the blond orphan was Minato-sensei’s child? Why did he stand by and do nothing when Naruto was neglected? Why didn’t he let any of us raise him? It doesn’t make sense. The fact that the Sandaime is either executing or allowing this horrible system to exist, knowing what he does, is absolutely inexcusable. You’re the other candidate we have, because Jiraiya-sama…. Needs to be traveling, for some reason.” 

Tsunade looks up, takes a deep breath, and wishes she was drunk out of her mind.  “No.” She looks back down at Gai. “I can’t go back to Konoha.” 

Gai stands up, and Tsunade thinks for a second that she’s pissed him off so much he’s going to leave and find Kakashi. Instead, she finds herself looking at Gai in dogeza, who says “Tsunade-hime, please. I know you should do this for Naruto and Konoha, but I need you to do this for me. For Kakashi. I can’t….. Naruto is the closest thing to a family he has left, and if we had to leave Naruto alone to die or….” Gai audibly swallows, “Or worse, he won’t… He’ll end up like his father. We can’t just abandon both of them, Tsunade-hime, please, I’ll do anything, I really will.” 

Shocked out of her mind by this young boy and trained killer that she doesn’t even know prostrating himself before her, Tsunade thinks for a few seconds and starts to feel the beginnings of an idea form in her mind. 

“Alright, get up. Let’s do this the best way I know how,” she says, nudging Gai’s shoulder with the corner of her heel. “What is your strongest combat form?”

Gai sits back up, confused. “...Taijutsu. Why do you need it?” 

Tsunade smiles, an echo of Tobirama’s smirk across her face. “I’m on a winning streak,” she says. “Let’s have a wager, Gai. If you can beat me in a taijutsu match in exactly one week, here, in front of Shizune, Jiraiya, Genma, and Kakashi, I will come back to Konoha with you. And if you can’t, you leave me alone, and I’ll apologize to Kakashi. How’s that?” She extends her hand to him. 

And Gai smiles, relishing the challenge. “Start packing your bags, Tsunade-hime.” 

Gai clasps Tsunade’s hand. 

Chapter Text

“Your left’s open!”

“You need to twist your body more when you use your legs to block me. You’re hyperpronating.”

“Don’t get too caught up in the last hit! Return to your neutral position faster or Kakashi will get your blind spot!” 

“You need to use chakra to enhance your punches, even just a little bit– that’s exactly what Tsunade is known for, and she’s going to knock you out with one punch if you don’t use chakra to block.” 

“You should’ve flipped up there instead of ducked under, you would’ve been able to land a kick on me from above with the momentum instead of having to force your way back up.”

“Yosh! Thank you, my eternal rival, for your constant feedback!” Gai gives himself the liberty of tilting his head just enough that Kakashi isn’t right in front of him anymore, “And you too, my dear teammate! Both of you are invaluable help!” 

Kakashi takes the divided attention as an invitation to lug a punch at Gai’s head, which he immediately dodges, jerking to the left. He grabs Kakashi’s outstretched hand and uses the momentum to hurl Kakashi onto the ground. Kakashi rolls to cushion his fall and pops up immediately to Gai flitting through his legs to kick him in the back. Kakashi goes hurtling forward, running a few steps and then springing backward onto Gai from above. 

“Don’t overextend when you block, Gai!” Genma calls out from the sidelines. 

And Gai sees Kakashi’s right leg coming swiftly down, almost in slow motion. He sees the concentrated, chakra-enhanced force, and knows that whatever he does, Kakashi will be able to block and counter using his sharingan. Gai knows that the traditional maneuver would be to raise his left arm with spare chakra to block the blow and throw Kakashi off his course by the point of strongest momentum, and send Kakashi flying back so that Gai has a second or two to recover as Kakashi runs forward to fight him again. But Gai also knows that Tsunade is a taijutsu master trained by the God of Shinobi and the Lion of the Battlefield, and that she will be expecting Gai to use the academy-taught and Konoha-trained basics. And she will destroy him with them. 

So Gai does something else instead– he waits a split second longer before feinting like he’ll use his forearm to block Kakashi, pointedly ignoring Genma’s hasty warning. At the very last second, though, Gai drops , and channels all his chakra into kicking upwards, right into the back of Kakashi’s knee. Immediately, it buckles under Gai’s chakra-enhanced strength, and Kakashi is thrown upwards with the force of the blow. Instead of waiting for Kakashi to come down, Gai shoots himself up, exchanging blows with Kakashi. Struck suddenly with another idea, Gai reaches forward, midair, and grabs the sides of Kakashi’s face. 

“Gai, what–” Both black and red eyes blow wide with the suddenly gentle contact as Kakashi and Gai make eye contact. Gai screws his eyes shut, grinning maniacally. 

Gai grips Kakashi’s face with more force. “Thank you for pushing me this far, my eternal rival!” 

“For wha–” 

And Gai throws Kakashi by the neck onto the ground. Gai immediately follows him down slamming into his back, pinning his shoulders down from behind. 

Somehow, though, Kakashi manages to twist himself in Gai’s grip so that they face each other. Gai leans over Kakashi, bowl cut covering his eyes, as Kakashi blinks back up at him, bewildered. 

Still panting from the fight they just had, Gai pulls Kakashi’s hitai-ate over his sharingan. “Your eye was starting to bleed,” he explains, quirking his lips up into a small smile. 

 “Ah,” Kakashi manages to choke out. “Thank you.” 

“Any last points of improvement, my eternal rival? I don’t want you to forget anything!”

Kakashi immediately stops himself from pointing out that the entire purpose of the sharingan was so that he would remember everything. Instead, he screws his other eye shut and looks to the side, mentally running through the last hour and a half.

“In that last bit, you should have used more chakra to kick my knee. It was a unique maneuver, but it didn’t have as much impact as it could’ve. And you overpronated your ankle again, it weakened your hit, and I bet it took you an extra second to adjust too, especially with your weights. Am I right?” Unmoving from his spot on Kakashi’s chest, Gai nods earnestly. “Right. There’s a reason we’re so strict on form, you know this. If Tsunade senses any weaknesses in the way you’re executing blows, she’ll exploit it, no matter how many wild moves you throw at her. So be careful, and get it right next time.”

“Yosh! Thank you so much, my eternal rival! I will take your comments to heart and ensure that the time we’ve spent together will not go to waste.” 

“No problem. It’s not like we can afford to lose, anyway,” Kakashi laughs dryly. “But I guess if it’s you in a taijutsu match, we actually have a chance at winning.” 

Gai flashes him a bright, toothy grin, and steps off Kakashi’s chest, offering his hand to help Kakashi up. Over his shoulder, he looks at Genma, who for some reason is looking incredibly uncomfortable. 

“My dear teammate! Let’s have dinner! We must replenish our strength properly after training for this long!” 

“You’re telling me,” Genma laughs. “Kakashi and I have at least had breaks– I don’t know what you’re doing, fighting for the entire afternoon and evening, how are you not dead?” 

Gai waves him off as he and Kakashi walk over to where Genma stands. “My dear teammate! I do so much daily physical conditioning that this is barely out of the ordinary! Do not worry about me. Now let’s have a hearty meal!” 

Jiraiya meets them at the door to the inn where they’re all staying and claps Gai on the back. “How was training today? Did you wear them out yet?” 

Gai flashes one of his trademark smiles, booming, “I could never tire out my dear teammate and my eternal rival! They are far too good for me. If anything, they should have tired me out even more! I feel like we’re taking it too easy!”

Genma pipes up, resting his elbow on Gai’s shoulder as the three stride through the large double doors together. “No way,” he looks at Jiraiya pointedly. “We’ve been training all day, and Gai has only taken a break for lunch and water. If anything, we’re going to overwork you.” He ruffles Gai’s hair with the hand already near him, and uses the other to poke his senbon playfully into Gai’s side. “Rest is just as important as work, Gai, you said it yourself!” 

Jiraiya raises his eyebrows, looking at once like the adult he’s supposed to be. “Gai, Genma is right. I know we’ve got a lot riding on this match, but you can’t let that get in the way of you taking care of yourself. If you overwork yourself, you won’t be able to reach your maximum potential when it matters.” 

Kakashi shoves Gai towards the table where he sits down, silently beckoning Jiraiya, Genma, and Gai to sit down. “All this talk of needing to take a break and eat, but no one’s actually eating,” he gripes. “Sit down, Gai.” 

“Hatake, it’s scary how often I find myself agreeing with you now,” Genma slides into a chair next to him. “Maki-oneesan! Can we get a start? We’re practically dying over here!” Genma twists backwards in his hair to call to the bar behind him. 

A boisterous laugh echoes throughout the room, and a willowy young woman enters the room after it. “Sure thing, Genma,” she responds, “What’re you and your posse having tonight? 

“We’re not his posse,” Kakashi groans, at the same time Genma turns excitedly to Gai, saying, “HA! Did you hear that? You guys are my posse !” 

Gai’s voice carries over Genma and Kakashi’s bickering about who exactly is the leader of their trio to address Maki instead, saying “Good evening, Maki-san! Thank you so much for your hospitality once again. After a full day of training, I’m certainly starving, and I’m sure all three of us would appreciate your heartiest meal!” He throws his arm around Kakashi’s shoulder and shoots a shit-eating grin he definitely learned from Genma at Jiraiya, “Jiraiya-sama is treating us this week!” 

Jiraiya, for his part, just sighs deeply, and slumps in his chair. “Maki, what will I do with these boys? If only they were as polite as you….” 

Maki scoffs, coming to the table with plates filled with hot food. “Jiraiya-sama, you say that like I’m not practically the same age as these three. And, being shinobi and all, I’m pretty sure I’m mentally younger than even baby Kakashi!” 

Kakashi’s visible eye narrows. “I’m not a baby, I’m the youngest Commanding Officer of Konoha’s assassinations and tactical specialist team.” 

Maki raises a carefully shaped eyebrow. “Have you been on a single date in your life?” 

Kakashi’s stubborn silence amid Genma and Jiraiya’s raucous laughter and Gai’s reassurance said all they needed to. 

As Maki passes Kakashi after finishing placing everyone’s food on the table, she bumps his elbow with her hip and offers him a smile. “We good, Sarge?” 

Despite himself, Kakashi can’t find it in him to even pretend to be mad for the joke. His visible eye crinkles. “We’re good, Maki.” 

Maki ruffles Kakashi’s already messy hair and walks back to the bar to get their second round of drinks ready, seemingly oblivious to the underlying tension at the table. 

The thing about Maki, though, despite being only an eighteen-year-old civilian, is that she is uncannily observant as a consequence of her job. She may not be able to fight as Kakashi, Gai, Genma, and Jiraiya can, but she can easily parse the dynamics between the four shinobi, and certainly identify the steadfast charade of enthusiasm Gai is putting on for the benefit of his companions. As she prepares the food, she keeps a trained ear on the conversation, noting how Gai’s contributions are loud but far and in-between, completely unlike how he behaved the last few nights they had dined in the inn. She notices how he seems to clear his plate faster, drink water quicker, and ask for more fish. 

Later, as the four shinobi head up to bed, she notices Gai bidding Kakashi, Genma, and Jiraiya a good night using the exact same phrasing and inflection as last night. And then, a half-hour after that, she sees Gai silently appear at the bottom of the stairs with new wrappings around his feet and hands. 

He walks across the open lounge and bar area to the front door so silently that Maki is certain she would have had no idea he was even in front of her had she not been actively staring at him at that moment. Gai lightly shakes his wrists and rotates his ankles, warming himself up for what looks like another grueling independent training session. 

He jumps lightly on the balls of his feet, wipes his eyes, and almost gets his hand onto the doorknob when Maki decides to interject. 

“Gai! Wait up!”

He jolts, just barely. If someone weren’t paying Gai their rapt, undivided attention, they would’ve missed it. But Maki’s untrained eyes have nowhere else to look, so she does notice, and consequently internally raises a brow. Not noticing her there, with an inability to mask chakra? Something has to be weighing on his mind. 

Gai rallies quickly. He turns around, a brilliant smile plastered on his face, and cheerfully whispers, “Maki-san!! How nice to see you again so soon! Are you closing up shop?” 

“Nevermind what I’m doing, why are you going back out? Don’t you need to rest up before tomorrow? Rest is really important, you know!” 

Gai looks at her a moment longer, eyes blank, and then averts his gaze. “Maki-san… Thank you for your concern. I just don’t think I’ve trained enough, at this point, and I’m really wired up, you know?” He chuckles, uncharacteristically self-conscious. “If I’ve got the energy anyway, I may as well use it to train more. I’m only a chunin, and Tsunade-hime is a legendary sannin. I can’t afford to make any mistakes, or my precious teammates and I will have to return to Konoha without Naruto having someone to raise him. I can’t do that to Minato-sensei’s baby, I can’t do that to Kakashi. I can’t fail this, I can’t fail him…. I won’t let it happen.” 

Maki grasps the hand Gai has clenched tightly around the doorknob. “Gai, listen to me. You’re young, and you're obviously physically fit, and you have a lot of spirit. But you’re running yourself ragged. You think I don’t see those bags under your eyes? You won’t be able to fight if you crash– if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll fail Naruto, you’ll fail Kakashi and Genma too. You can’t want that!” 

“Maki-san…” Gai rubs his eyes with his free hand. “You are right… I know you are. I know.” He raises his head, finally meeting Maki’s eyes head-on. And despite being just as tall as Maki, and having the well-trained physique of a taijutsu specialist, Gai looks tiny and helpless. “But it would be shameful of me to just… sit here and do nothing. My eternal rival, my dear teammate, and even Jiraiya-sama… They all excel in their own ways. They are all ranked higher than me, have reputations to their name despite their youth, and I’m just lucky to be associated with them and to have the legacy of my father. I know I am the one who aspires to be the most youthful, and most positive, and to always have energy, but I must admit that right now, it’s very hard to feel that way. And to be quite honest, Maki-san, I’m almost completely certain the only reason Tsunade-hime made her support of Naruto and return to Konoha conditional on a match between the two of us is that she knows I am the weakest link. I don’t have the sharingan and innate ability of Kakashi, nor do I have the tactical experience and high rank of Genma. The only reason I’m even here is that I’m Kakashi and Genma’s friend. But I cannot win a taijutsu match against the Slug Princess on the basis of proximity, Maki-san. Do you see where I’m coming from? If I lose this match with Tsunade-hime, it will certainly be because I’m me. And I cannot accept that. I need to be at one hundred and ten percent, all the time. Especially now. So please, Maki-san…” Gai allows his chakra to spike on his hand, stinging Maki and forcing her to yank her hand off him. “Let me go.”

Gai pushes the door open and strides through purposefully, stretching his shoulders and arms as his retreating back fades into the dark forest. 

Sighing, Maki closes the door, walks back to the bar, and pillows her head on her arms. 

“Well, fuck.”

Shizune grimaces as she wakes up, shielding her eyes from the blinding light that filters directly onto her twin bed. As she sits up, she hazards a glance at Tsunade in the bed next to her, still out cold from yet another night of drinking and insisting adamantly that she’s only been helping feed, clothe, and bathe Naruto out of necessity (and that Shizune is completely fabricating any instance of Tsunade looking at Naruto with any shred of happiness or affection). 

She gets ready for the day, not bothering to stay quiet for Tsunade, who definitely won’t be up for another couple of hours. Out of habit, she grabs the tiger balm from her vanity as she leaves to go check on the shinobi across the hall. 

She starts at Gai’s door, knowing that he probably only came back from his “super secret” extra training about an hour ago and is probably going through his extensive stretching routine. Shizune knocks quietly, thrice, a rehearsed knock so Gai can quickly and silently open the door to admit Shizune in without alerting Kakashi and Genma. 

But unlike every other day this week where Shizune has snuck into Gai’s room in the early hours of the morning to help him heal his muscles, the door doesn’t open for her. Shizune doesn’t hear the almost indiscernible sound of shuffling on the other side of the door. And when she checks, she doesn’t sense Gai’s chakra signature beyond the door. 

Shizune frantically opens the door and finds an unoccupied room. Apart from the spare weights in the corner and the wrinkles on the bedsheet, the room looked like it had never been used at all. She walks over to the bed, cradling the tiger balm in her hands, and tries to imagine the way it fits over Gai’s form, allowing Shizune to heal his muscles and skin from overuse, picturing the transfer of chakra in her mind, trying to find where Gai’s chakra match is. 

After a moment of quiet concentration, her eyes shoot open, and Shizune looks out of the window towards the training grounds. 

“Ah, shit. ”

In the midst of the forest, in a small clearing made only by leveling and moving several trees, Gai lies face down on the ground, limbs akimbo. The three bare trunks in front of him are beaten in very specific, targeted areas, with varying degrees of impact– probably to practice integrating chakra in his taijutsu, Shizune thinks– and the surrounding trees that shield the area from view have taken hits too. Branches are bent, falling strangely, and the surrounding trunks have clearly been subjected to blunt force. 

Shizune immediately bends down and places a hand on Gai’s forehead, pushing his bangs out of his face and healing him. Almost instantaneously, Gai’s eyelids flutter open, and he slowly turns his head to look directly at Shizune, who kneels at his side, her other hand rapidly healing Gai’s broken skin and muscles as much as she can. 

“Shizune-san…. Why are you here?” 

Not even pausing her movements, twisting Gai’s limbs this way and that to make sure her healing chakra is penetrating fully, Shizune quips, “When I went to give you your tiger balm this morning, I didn’t find you in your room. Imagine if I hadn’t come here, and Tsunade found out you passed out the morning of your taijutsu match.” 

Gai averts his gaze. “Tsunade-hime would taunt me with that, sure, but if you continue to heal me– which I, as always, am so grateful for– then it won’t really make a difference, right? Actually, could you maybe tell her? That would so guilt her into helping us, right? Yosh!” Gai moves to sit up, but Shizune immediately forces him back down. 

“You really are just as bad as Kakashi. Fine, how would you like it if I told Genma that you haven’t been taking care of yourself and that you’ve been training during your normal sleep hours?”

At this, Gai immediately pales. “Shizune-san, you wouldn’t…” 

She smirks. “That’s what I thought. Now sit still so I can get you up and back into your room before anyone finds you.” 

“I don’t really think that me getting up is a good idea, Shizune-san,” 

“What? Why not? I just healed you!”

“Well, Shizune-san, you see… I have been practicing infusing chakra into my offense and defense at the same time, in order to be able to fortify my chances of winning against Tsunade-hime, however–”

“– but you ended up going completely overboard because you wanted to make sure you had the highest chance of success before the final match today. Right. Got it,” Shizune shakes her head. “I swear, you lot are going to be the death of me,” she adds under her breath. She puts one hand around Gai’s shoulders and another around the back of his knees, and effortlessly carries him, bridal-style, towards the end of the clearing under a shaded patch of trees. “I’m going to give you one final look over, and then I’m going to go back to the inn and get you some food and water. Staying hydrated and energized is the biggest part of chakra exhaustion, not just overworking yourself, so you are going to sit here, so help me, and you will REST. Do you understand me?” 

From where he lies near Shizune’s lap, Gai flashes one of his trademark toothy grins and shoots her a remarkably enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Yosh! I will rest here as recommended, Shizune-san! Besides, I really don’t think I have the strength to get up right now without exerting myself, anyway. Thank you very much for healing me!” Gai allows his hand to flop gracelessly down to his side, and he shuts his eyes, allowing himself to rest and his chakra to replenish. 

Smiling wryly, Shizune gets up and forms the hand sign for a shunshin, disappearing before Gai’s eyes finish closing. 

At the inn, Tsunade and Jiraiya sprawl inelegantly across their chairs and the table that separates them. To any passive observer, and honestly, to anyone looking at them from farther than two feet away, two-thirds of Konoha’s legendary Sannin seem to be in a drunken stupor. But if you looked closer, and saw that Tsunade’s flushed cheeks and glassy eyes were still keenly following every flailing movement and slurred babble out of Jiraiya’s mouth, saw that Jiraiya’s hands seemed to hit the table and silverware much too often for someone who still had the dexterity to continuously drink sake without spilling any of it, you’d see that the Slug Princess and the Toad Sage were doing anything but lazing around. 

“Three months. Clan meeting. Sensei Hokage again. ” Jiraiya inelegantly raps against the table, guffawing at something Tsunade said to cover up the rhythmic tapping. 

“Who called meeting? Why not Shikaku? ” 

“Danzo. He said Sensei.” 

Tsunade’s eyebrows shoot up. “Danzo? ” 

Jiraiya nods. Out loud, he says, “I’m telling you, her tits were HUGE!” And makes a rather rude gesture. What his hands say as they clatter across the sticky table, however, is, “Kakashi checked files. Not good for Naruto or Konoha. Need new leadership or screwed. ” He reaches to take another sip of sake and realizes the bottle is empty, and for once, Tsunade relents, pushing her own cup towards him. 

“Well. This really isn’t where I expected things to go after Namikaze. Looks like things are really in the shitter, huh?” She huffs. “You doing okay, Toadie? You’re looking a little sluggish.” 

And right on cue, Jiraiya slumps down onto the table. 

“Jiraiya? Toadie?” Tsunade leans across the table and jostles his shoulders roughly, but he doesn’t stir, only grunting and shifting away from her grasp in his sleep. 

Immediately, she waves Maki down. “Can you make sure he doesn’t slobber all over your table? He’ll probably be out for a while.” She pauses, and then looks at the table assessingly. “You should also probably use gloves when you touch my sake cup, too. You’re a civilian, and I don’t want the sedative accidentally interfering with your bloodstream when you’re ill-equipped to deal with it.” 

Maki arches a brow. “Sedative?” 

“I was getting tired of waiting for him to fall asleep. The sun came up far too long ago for this to be considered socially acceptable anymore, and I have shit to do. You’ll take care of things here?” 

Maki heaves a sigh. “And you don’t want me to tell him you drugged him, right?” 

Tsunade’s face splits into a fox-like grin and pats Maki’s cheek, her pale skin and cherry-red nails against Maki’s deep olive. “That’s my girl.” 

And silently, grimacing against the bright sun outside and shielding her eyes, Tsunade makes her way to the training grounds across the forest. 

At first, the clearing seems bare, the sun shedding light on the morning dew and creating a warm, tranquil area in the surrounding forest. But a bit beyond where the sun’s rays dyed the fresh grass, Tsunade notices a gathering of chakra much too large to belong to any animal, or even civilian. Though still fighting off a wicked hangover, she braces herself, starts to increase the flow of chakra to her limbs, and strides over to the source. 

What if those ROOT shinobi came earlier than the allotted time? If this is only one easily detectable chakra, am I walking into a trap? How many more shinobi are there? I’m still hungover, can I take them all at the same time? Where the fuck is Shizune?

But as soon as Tsunade reaches the source, she stops abruptly. 

“Gai ?” 

The chunin lies spread-eagled on the ground, one arm thrown over his eyes. His bluntly-cropped hair is a mess, strands sticking to his forehead and creating a small halo around his face where he rests his head. He looks utterly motionless; the only things distinguishing him from the grass around him his bright orange legwarmers and matted hair. 

Is he even breathing…? Tsunade leans over him and extends a hand over his torso, performing a cursory check on Gai’s chakra pathways to make sure his body is still working as it should be. Mercifully, upon closer inspection, she sees Gai’s chest rise and fall, his chakra pathways completely open, though the energy flowing through them is severely depleted. Chakra exhaustion in less than five hours doing just taijutsu, this boy… 

Gingerly, Tsunade picks up Gai’s hand from where it was nestled in the grass and cradles it in her palms, turning it this way and that. Gai still does not stir. The bandages around his forearms are well worn and coming loose now, doing almost nothing to hide the bruising and crusted blood around the knuckles. His palms are red and calloused from holding punches true to form for so long, torn skin aching for relief– and when Tsunade’s palms begin to emit a soft green glow, she sees that Gai has suffered internal bleeding from the incessant blunt impact, that his chakra pathways have been blown open or torn in some areas, a testament to his unrelenting drive (and honestly, clear desperation), despite his lack of formal training in chakra-enhanced taijutsu. As Gai’s hand begins to finish healing and Tsunade quietly moves to heal the other still resting on his forehead, the pit that had been forming in Tsunade’s stomach begins to deepen and form a knot. There were bruises everywhere; no blood was actively flowing, thank god, but the damage to Gai’s body was so bad Maki could’ve taken a singular look at him and confined him to bed rest for at least a week. 

What the hell was I thinking? He’s a child … Maybe train like a normal person? Ugh!  

Well, trust the fifteen-year-old chunin who challenged a legendary sannin to a taijutsu match to not know when to back down. 

Tsunade moves efficiently down his torso and towards his legs, where it seems the majority of the injuries lay. Ankle weights? Does he wear these every day? Instinctively, Tsunade quickly runs through all of her limited interactions with Gai from the past week, remembering his ever-present obnoxious orange leg warmers, his surefire kicks, the strength of his steps, his lengthy stride. This time, Tsunade actually looks heavenward, heaving a deep, body-wracking sigh. I bet Dan and Nawaki are really impressed with my behavior this past week. 

She sits there for a few seconds, ensuring Gai is as physically fit as he can possibly be, eventually comes to a decision, flashes a few hand signs, and slams her hand onto the grass in front of her. 

“Tsunade-hime,” Katsuyu greets, “It’s lovely to see you again. How may I be of assistance?” 

Tsunade glances around the clearing once to make doubly sure they’re alone, and says, “I think Shizune will come soon to get Gai. When Gai wakes up, tell him he’s on bedrest for chakra exhaustion and that the taijutsu match is off. Tell Shizune I’ve gone to a meeting, she’ll know what I mean. And if Jiraiya comes crying like he always does, tell him I’m sorry, but I had some business to take care of. Can you do that for me?” 

Katsuyu nods once, sharply, and splits into three smaller slugs. “We’re on it, Tsunade-hime. Please take care of whatever it is you need to do, and don’t worry about things on this end.” 

“Thank you, Katsuyu,” she smiles wanly as she gets up and makes to leave the clearing. 

“Tsunade-hime!” 

She turns around, brow arched. “Yes?” 

The slug now resting on Gai’s knee lifts her head a little higher to draw attention to herself. “Don’t be rash.”

“You know, for a specially-trained tactical corps, you guys really run late sometimes.” 

Tsunade stands in the middle of the field she was in only a week ago on the other side of the village, an area she only remembered tracking the faint traces of her own chakra that remained after her encounter with ROOT prior. 

Restless, Tsunade begins to scan the area around her, tapping into each plant, insect, and rodent’s naturally emitting chakra to see if she could find any gaps where a shinobi would conceal their presence. But after one and a half rounds, she found nothing. 

Maybe they really are late. Danzo really has to expand ROOT training from assassination and trauma suppression to basic manners. Someone was supposed to be here 5 minutes ago. 

But with the last tap of her sandal against the dirt as she grumbled to herself, she felt it: a tiny, almost imperceptible inorganic overlap in chakra, 15 meters from where she stands in the center of the clearing, sheltered quite effectively within the tree’s foliage and birds nest nearby. Consciously choosing to look in their direction, Tsunade examines that fold thoroughly, learning exactly which member of Danzo’s underground force has been preparing to ambush her. 

Still staring steadfastly ahead, she calls, “Boar-san! In the tree 15 meters away from me to my left! Please come out, and do bring your friends with you. I don’t know if your master briefed you adequately on me, but I am not known for my patience and understanding. Especially in instances of treason .” 

Instantaneously, she felt a strong gust of wind as three ROOT shinobi shunshined in front of her. Ah. Treason always does it, doesn’t it? 

“Hello, Boar-san, Crow-san, and Fox-san. I really wish I didn’t have to see your pathetic little faces after our last meeting, but here we are. Do you have anything additional you need to brief me on?” 

Silence. Tsunade massages the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. 

“Nothing? No further information about Danzo and Orochimaru’s experiments? Has he elected to give me any further detail?” 

The ROOT shinobi wearing a Fox mask steps forward. “Danzo-sama ordered that we specify that, while Danzo-sama cannot speak for Orochimaru-sama’s intentions, he is certain his own research is explicitly for the good of Konoha.” 

“If it’s for the good of Konoha, why can’t he just tell me straight out? And why attempt to coerce me into participating in his and Orochimaru’s little science project?”

Again, no response. Tsunade takes a deep breath, and prays for unlimited sake tonight back at the inn. 

“Are you not responding because you don’t know, because you’ve been ordered not to respond to me, or because you know if you respond to me, the seal will activate?” 

No response. 

Tobi-ojichan, I wish I had more of your brother’s genes right now. 

“Okay. I am going to ask simple yes or no questions, and if the answer is yes, you will nod. If it isn’t, you will shake your head. I recognize all of your masks from the last time I had the displeasure of seeing your miserable asses, so I trust you will comply as best you can with me. Have I made myself clear?” 

Three sharp nods. Very good. 

“Is Sensei aware of the research that Danzo and Orochimaru are doing?” A shake. 

“Is Sensei aware that Danzo has been communicating with Orochimaru at all?” Shake. 

“Will any civilians or shinobi be harmed in the process of this research?” Two shakes and one nod. Tsunade zeros in on Boar immediately. “What do you mean, yes?” No response. Tsunade does a rapid-fire of all the possibilities. “Will civilians be safe, but shinobi be harmed?” Shake. “Are Danzo and Orochimaru using civilians as test subjects?” A shake. “Will the people harmed be people not considered undesirable by the village?” A nod. “Will anybody die?” A shake. 

Tsunade thinks of the grotesque, asymmetrical seal painted forever on skin she saw only under a dim street lamp and the pale moonlight. She thinks of the body attached to it, of that body’s tiny, fat fingers and yellow hair. She steadies herself. “Does this research involve the Kyuubi’s container?”

Three nods. 

The Slug Princess grimaces. “Danzo wants me to aid in Tailed Beast research outside of Sensei’s purview? Who the hell does he think I am? What could I possibly get out of this?” 

There is a pause, and Tsunade immediately latches onto it. “What is Danzo offering me that would make me commit treason?”

And finally, Fox decides to speak up. Stepping forward, they draw a scroll from their pouch. “I have no idea what’s in this, but Danzo-sama told you to give you this if you asked that question.”

Tsunade immediately snatches the scroll, tearing the seal open and letting the parchment unfurl from her hands. Her eyes scan the near-illegible code, stopping halfway down the page. She looks up. “Konoha ANBU code hasn’t changed in the last 20 years, has it?” Three shakes. “That can’t possibly be… No…” 

She takes in the words again, and again, and again. They don’t seem to be any more real than they were when she thought she’d made a mistake. Fighting bile in her throat, she drops the scroll to the ground. 

“Orochimaru has the edo tensei?” 

And Tsunade can’t see any of their faces, but she has excellent chakra control, so she detects the plain shock from the sharp spike in all three ROOT shinobi’s chakra levels immediately. 

For the second time today, Tsunade thinks of Dan and Nawaki. Of the teasing lilt of Dan’s laughter. Of Nawaki’s crooked, toothy grin. Of the necklace hanging around her neck right now that they had both worn. She thinks of being able to hug them again, to feel the force of their affection for her again. 

Senju Tsunade is the granddaughter of Uzumaki Mito and Senju Hashirama, but she is not free from the same emotions all other humans have. 

Tsunade rolls up the scroll briskly. 

Boar tilts his head up. “I trust that’s a yes?” 

“Ye–”

“TSUNADE-HIME!” 

Tsunade and the three ROOT shinobi whip around towards the source of the yell, only to find Genma running towards them, senbon in hand. 

Instinctively, Tsunade steps to place herself in between Genma and ROOT. “Shiranui? How did you find me? More importantly, what the fuck are you doing here? ” 

“Tsunade-hime, when Gai woke up and Shizune said you’d gone to a meeting, we all came to find you. You can’t do this, Tsunade-hime, please, I heard the ending of whatever’s going on here and you can’t do it, please, I’m begging you!” 

She scoffs. “What does any of that have to do with me? I saw your friend passed out in a clearing this morning, there was no way he was going to win against me anyway. Can’t you babies leave me alone? I was ready for the match, he wasn’t.” Tsunade turns back around to face ROOT. 

“I don’t care about your and Gai’s stupid bet! We can talk about how irresponsible of you that was later. What I do care about is Konoha!” 

“Don’t you understand? I left Konoha! I could give a damn about how badly Sensei is running things over there right now!” 

Genma switches gears. “Do you not give a damn about Naruto then? These bastards are gonna destroy him!” 

Now, this grabs Tsunade’s attention. She takes a step towards Genma. “I thought you only heard the latter part of our conversation?” 

“I didn’t need to hear anything! I already know what they’re doing!” 

Tsunade rolls her eyes. “You know more than the actual ROOT shinobi in front of me? Please. Shiranui, if you’re going to try to convince me to come back with you, you could at least try to do a better job than lie about it.”

“Tsunade-hime, I’m not one to disrespect my superiors, but do you honestly think we would have traveled all the way here to find you if you weren’t our literal last option? What is going to get that through your thick skull?” 

A gust of wind rips through the clearing as Tsunade’s blonde crown begins to flare around her face. “Boy, you will do well to respect me. I can put a baby like you on permanent rest without even lifting a finger. You will apologize, or you can forget all about that little baby, because by the time I’m done with you, my fist will be–” 

But before she finishes, a flash appears in front of Genma, lifting a cloud of dirt and dust obscuring Tsunade’s vision and forcing her to lower her fist and her chakra levels. 

After it clears, between Genma and Tsunade stands Kakashi, an exhausted but recovered Gai on his back. Arrogantly turning his back to Tsunade and the three ROOT shinobi, Kakashi gently places Gai on the ground next to Genma. 

“Can you make sure he doesn’t do anything rash? Senbon him, if you have to.” Genma nods, and Kakashi turns back around slowly, hands shoved into his pockets. “Right,” he drolls, a perfect imitation of Pakkun, “I heard you were in need of certain evidence?” 

“I wouldn’t call it evidence so much as proof that you two idiots aren’t delusional. I don’t care what your reputations are, you two having access to information actual ROOT shinobi don’t is just about as likely as me actually coming back with you and taking the hat.” 

Kakashi’s visible eye narrows, a condescending smile forming under his mask. “You should probably start packing your bags then, Godaime.” Tsunade opens her mouth to retort, but before she can say anything Kakashi cuts her off again. “If you remember, I’m the Commanding Officer of ANBU. I have the highest possible clearance apart from the Hokage, and anything I don’t have clearance to, documents that, say, are treasonous, I have every right to find those documents and learn the contents. So I did. Let me show you.” 

“Show me?” Tsunade arches a brow. “How the hell are you going to show me the contents of those scrolls which supposedly haven’t left Danzo’s office? In front of ROOT, no less? Are you stupid?” 

Kakashi rolls his visible eye and moves to grab his mask. “Right, let’s get this over and done with. Look at me.” 

“Look at you?” 

Suddenly, Tsunade remembers her drunken conversation with Jiraiya from the night before. But it's too late.Kakashi lifts the fabric, and all Tsunade sees before she is plunged into darkness is the slow turning of three tomoes in the scarlet flash of his exposed eye. 

And once she finds her bearings in the darkness, alone with Kakashi in her sharingan, months and months suspended in one second, he shows her everything in bits and pieces. The aftermath of the Yondaime’s death, Jiraiya shirking his duties as godfather, the clan head meeting with Danzo and the elders,  Naruto being abandoned by the orphanage, the Sandaime’s inaction, and then, finally, that day Kakashi spent in the recesses of the Hokage tower, hunched in a corner cupping his right eye so blood didn’t get on the manuscripts, fighting down the bile rising in his throat and memorizing letter after letter after letter. 

She reads the files along with Kakashi from last month, feels herself choking where he chokes, disgusted and growing more and more furious by the moment. The clinical, sadistic language burns itself into her brain. Harness the Kyuubi. Control the Kyuubi. Unleash the Kyuubi. 

And in the hallucination, Kakashi looks up from the last manuscript, meeting her gaze directly. “Do you get it now?” 

The ground crumbles underneath her. Tsunade stumbles onto the ground, heaving, as she finds her bearings. Kakashi haphazardly swipes under his bleeding eye and covers it as he moves to squat in front of her. 

“You can’t help them. Whether you come back to Konoha with us isn’t our decision, even though I’m sure Naruto and Gai will be pretty upset about it. But if you give a damn about him and the future of our village, you’ll say no. You’re the granddaughter of the Shodaime. Think about what he would do.” 

Tsunade doesn’t respond. Instead, she gets gracelessly up and turns to face the ROOT shinobi. 

Boar, Fox, and Crow make no move to begin talking, so Tsunade does instead. She widens her stance, her heels grounding into the dirt, and lowers herself so her knees are bent. “I’m sure you remember what happened last time. I can end this quickly, or you can meet your maker.” 

The three shinobi offer no response. They fly silently towards Tsunade, kunai drawn. 

Well, Tsunade smirks, these idiots clearly never learn. 

The fight, if you could even call it that, was quick and effortless. Even though Boar had slashed his wrist and forced Tsunade to see blood, and when they neatly countered Tsunade’s earth dome jutsu, they clearly had no experience handling Kakashi’s amateur sharingan. Within minutes, the three ROOT shinobi were paralyzed and placed in body-storage scrolls.

But before Tsunade could catch her breath, Gai hobbles towards her. 

“Tsunade-hime,” he starts, “I am feeling leagues better than I did this morning. Thank you for healing me even though I am your opponent?” 

She offers Gai a bemused smile. “ Am? Boy, I was your opponent. You’re in no state to fight. The fight is over. But you’re welcome.” 

Genma opens his mouth to offer a retort, but Gai cuts him off. “Tsunade-hime, please. We had an agreement. We need this chance. You’re our only hope. Naruto’s only hope. Konoha’s only hope.”

Tsunade angrily stomps her foot. “I am tired of hearing all of his nonsense about Konoha and Naruto! I truly am sorry about the Yondaime’s death and everything happening because of it, but I left the village precisely so I’d never had to deal with this kind of bullshit again! Leave me out of this. I am not the only woman in Konoha, and Namikaze was popular from what I remember, so I’m absolutely sure you guys can figure out someone to take care of the baby. And as for Hokage, I’m sure you can make do with Sensei.” 

And Gai, fired up despite barely being able to stand on his legs, spits, “Your grandfather and his brother would be disappointed with the traitor to your village you’ve become.” 

The clearing’s temperature drops ten degrees immediately. Genma and Kakashi stare at Gai, eyes wide. And for his part, Gai looks gobsmacked that those words exited his mouth in the first place, but makes no move to correct himself. Meanwhile, the scent of maple syrup gets steadily stronger and stronger as the ground beneath Tsunade’s feet begins to crack. In less than a second, she’s only a foot away from Gai, fist raised–

In that millisecond of time, Gai considers his options. He can try to dodge and send Tsunade’s punch into the ground, but that might make her angrier. He can try and block her, but her fist is too close for him to use chakra to block the hit so the bones in his arm would shatter, and there’s a chance Tsunade might not heal him. So Gai takes the safest bet. 

He distributes his weight evenly between his legs, clenches his fists, and braces himself for the impact. 

–as Tsunade’s chakra-enhanced punch collides with Gai’s jaw, the bones crack audibly and Gai has to bite his tongue to keep from screaming in pain. It is only from the exceeding amount of training he’s done that he is able to remain standing after the first wave of pain subsides and he opens his eyes to a flabbergasted Tsunade. 

“ Block!!! Why didn’t you block! ” 

Through his dislocated jaw, profusely bleeding nose, and searing pain, Gai manages to choke out, “Can’t break arms. Need to carry Naruto back to Konoha.” 

If it’s possible, Tsunade’s eyes widen even more. “You… did this on purpose?” 

Gai nods shortly.

Kakashi moves forward into Gai’s space. “C’mon,” he says softly, “Let’s get you back to the inn. Maybe Maki can bandage you up. I know some basic healing.” Gai nods again minutely, and Kakashi maneuvers Gai so he rests on his back again. Genma glances at Tsunade one last time, picks up Gai’s bags, and follows the other two shinobi. 

But something isn’t sitting right with Tsunade. Maybe it was the ROOT shinobi not knowing Danzo and Orochimaru’s research themselves, maybe it was that she would have agreed to help them without even knowing the details, maybe it was that she couldn’t bear to imagine Naruto’s chubby face in any pain, despite only knowing him for a week. Maybe it was Genma interfering despite not knowing her at all, or Kakashi running his eye to the ground to show her the truth and protect her. Or maybe it was Gai again, taking the full impact of her punch directly to the face under the assumption that he would not get healed, just to protect the son of a teacher he never studied under, a Hokage only in power for less than a year. 

So she considers Gai’s words carefully. Would the Shodaime and Nidaime be proud of her for walking away? Would they want her to help? And what about Ojii-chan and Tobi-ojichan? What would they think? As leaders and as relatives? Would she be a disappointment to them?

Once she thinks about it, the answer is obvious. 

“Wait!”

Well, Sarutobi Hiruzen thinks, I certainly didn’t expect them to actually do it. 

Before his desk stands the original Tsunade search party, Naruto, Shizune, Tonton, and the Slug Princess herself, in varying states of physical disarray. Tsunade and Shizune, as usual, look as if they’re ready to step out for the night. Jiraiya looks like he is nursing a hangover despite the fact that Konoha was heading into the late afternoon, and Kakashi, Genma, and Gai all look exactly as they should: like they’ve been traveling for the past week straight. 

Behind his desk stand Koharu, Homura and Danzo, flanking his desk and staring down the party below him. There is no love lost between the two groups. To be quite frank, Hiruzen feels too damn old for this. Why couldn’t Shikaku have taken the hat again?

He takes a long puff from his pipe, and decides to mentally designate Jiraiya as the leader of the group. “Well,” he says, “Mission status?” 

Jiraiya takes the cue. “Sensei, we’ve got Tsunade back to help raise Naruto. I feel like that’s all there is for the mission update.” 

Almost imperceptibly, Tsunade, Kakashi, Gai, and Genma tense up. Almost imperceptibly. Hiruzen may be old, but he is still the Hokage. “For the mission update? What else could there be?” 

Jiraiya hesitates, glancing up from the Sandaime to the Elders. But it needn’t have mattered, because Kakashi, in all his apathetic, blunt glory, fills in for him. 

“We are nominating that Tsunade takes the hat from you and become the Godaime Hokage.” 

The three elders make predictable noises of indignation. Hiruzen, in turn, sits back and takes another long puff. This should be interesting.

“Jiraiya, how dare you insult your own sensei like this? Your own Hokage? This is an act of treason!” Koharu sputters. 

“You’re already more loyal to Mount Myoboku than this village. We have given you privileges not afforded to some full citizens of his village, and this is how you repay us? We should brand you a missing-nin! Sarutobi-sama, take his hitai-ate.” Homura reaches past the Hokage’s chair and slams his hand on the table. 

No one flinches. This was an expected conflict. What isn’t expected, however, is the Sandaime leaning forward, disposing himself of his hat, and saying, “Justify this.” 

Genma ever so eloquently, says, “What?” 

The Sandaime places his pipe down and doesn’t respond for a few long moments. When he does, it is to the shock of those standing before him, and to the chagrin of those standing behind. 

“I am going to set aside that you consciously did not tell me the full truth of your mission when you requested clearance to go find Tsunade, because regardless, I am aware that Naruto needs a guardian, and she is already here. I will also say that, no matter what happens after this, I am old. The hat shouldn’t belong to me, not since Minato took over.” He takes a deep breath and steeples his fingers on top of his desk, peering at the group from right above them. “I am not unopposed to this. But I can’t just give the hat over without proper justification, even if it is Tsunade. How do you know the village will approve of this choice?” 

“This would be unwise, Sandaime-sama,” Danzo interjects quietly. “The council has already nominated you. We can’t call another clan meeting so soon after the last one, and there is no way this group of traitors can just assume that enough clan heads will agree to this nonsense.” 

“Actually, I’m pretty sure they would,” Kakashi says. “The only reason people were okay with the Sandaime was that there was literally no other option that wouldn’t put the stability of the village in direct jeopardy– no, I’m right, you guys are just stupid. Listen. Nara Shikaku was the first choice, but he’s the Jounin Commander. All the other clan heads are the head of important divisions that are in need of consistency, so can’t transfer leadership. Nobody wants Toad Fucker here to be Hokage– don’t look at me like that, old man, that’s the name you deserve– because, as we’ve said, his loyalty remains primarily to Mount Myoboku, not here. Orochimaru is MIA, and I really don’t think anyone would trust him to lead the village, what with his,” Kakashi flicks his eyes up to Danzo, “unknown current exploits. The last remaining option is Tsunade-hime, who is ridiculously qualified. Her ability is uncontested and she has the Will of Fire running through her. She’s practical and passionate, she has experience as a front-line shinobi and has completely revolutionized the med-nin’s role in mission squads. Most importantly, she hasn’t been involved with Konoha for a long time, and will be a fresh set of eyes, immune to any political backseat drivers .” With this, Kakashi makes direct eye contact with all three elders in turn. “Although, having said that, I understand now why you’d be hesitant to let the Sandaime give Tsunade-hime the hat.” His visible eye crinkles condescendingly, a blatant challenge. 

Danzo’s face remains carefully neutral, though his hands grip impossibly tighter on his cane. Tsunade, in turn, looks highly uncomfortable having all of her achievements aired out by Kakashi, of all people.

“Well, what do you know,” the Sandaime smiles. “The Copy Cat Ninja can speak positively about someone, after all.” 

Unfazed, Kakashi shrugs. “Not really. It’s just the truth. She’s the best we’ve got, and you know it. Frankly, passing up this opportunity would be the worst decision you’ve made since retaking the hat, and that’s saying a lot.” 

“How dare you speak so impertinently to your Hokage that way! We can ban you from the village!” 

“No, you old hag, you can’t. I’m the CO of ANBU, I’m only 14, and I’m the only non-Uchiha with the sharingan, so I’m incredibly valuable to you as a weapon. If you were to make me a nuke-nin, I could just as well join another village. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to have my loyalty. And if I leave, I’m taking Naruto and Gai with me, so you’d be without the village jinchuuriki and the only shinobi with the potential to open the Eight Chakra Gates. Don’t be stupid. We clearly have the upper hand here.” 

Tsunade whistles lowly. “Wow, kid, I thought you were too young and hot-headed for diplomacy.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s always managed to surprise us in the more crucial moments. Huge pain in the ass, personally,” Genma smirks. 

“Don’t I know it, lord,” Jiraiya shakes his head. “So, what about it, Sensei? You gonna let these geezers pressure you, or are you gonna do exactly what everyone knows you want to and take a well-deserved break?” 

The Sandaime sighs, taking another long drag from his pipe. I never thought I would end up resigning because of some stubborn teenagers and my former students, but here we are. 

Danzo grimaces. “Hokage-sama, may we have a moment?” 

“No. You may not.”

Danzo looks up from where he’s leaning in to speak in the Sandaime’s ear. “Why ever not? Don’t be presumptuous, Senju.” 

Tsunade raises herself to her full height. “As it stands right now, Sensei agrees with me becoming Hokage. There is no way I wouldn’t have both the clan head and civilian approval, the Hatake kid just explained that. That means I practically have the hat already. I’ve been gone for a few years, but I know that you guys are advisors. Only advisors. You have no individual political power. You can try and persuade the Hokage however you please, but if he chooses to go against that recommendation, you have no further power. I also,” she pauses, “am quite aware that there are certain reasons why you’d prefer having the Hokage be easily persuaded. I am sure you also know that once I become the Godaime Hokage, you will lose a significant amount of power. That leads me to believe that you would use this private conversation to manipulate Sensei into not giving up the position, even though you know it’s the right thing to do. So no. You will not speak to him alone.” 

Danzo looks like he’s been forced to swallow something particularly sour. 

“Can you please not talk about me like I’m not right here?” The Sandaime sighs. “I’m still Hokage, you know.” 

Tsunade drums her cherry nails against the arm it’s crossed over. “Then act like it, Sensei.” 

I really am getting too old for this. Tobirama-sensei, give me strength. 

Carefully, Sarutobi Hiruzen folds his hands in front of him, looking at the hat that lies on the desk in front of them. “I don’t know how this has befallen me, of all people.” He sighs for what must be the hundredth time during this conversation. “We’ll have to arrange a ceremony… Does the village currently have the funds?” 

On the other side of the desk, everyone brightens. “I’m sure we can figure something out,” Tsunade smirks. “Now, does anybody have sake?”

“Excuse us, Hokage-sama!” 

Tsunade turns around from the sink, surprised. “Who are you calling Hokage-sama? I haven’t been formally inaugurated yet, and that title makes me feel old. Also, how the hell did you know where I live?”

Kakashi rolls his visible eye as he removes his sandals and takes a sleeping Naruto from Gai. “Alright, Slug Princess. Also, this is the Senju compound. It’s not like you had time in the last three hours to buy a completely new apartment, and you can’t exactly be couch-hopping right now. Where else could you possibly be?” 

Tsunade laughs, an unrestrained, bright sound when she’s not winning a gamble. “Alright, brat, I’ll take that. Do you have the baby?” 

“Yosh! Minato-sensei’s precious child is right here, Tsunade-hime! Thank you again for place him in your care!” Gai bows a full ninety degrees at the waist. 

“Stop this nonsense formality, both of you! Honestly, I’m surprised the kid hasn’t snuffed it already, given the two of you are the ones in charge of him.” 

“Hey! Gai is an incredibly doting caretaker! He dedicated a lot of time and energy into making sure Naruto was taken care of properly! He even yelled at the Sandaime for him! Don’t spout bullshit!” 

“And my eternal rival has dedicated his life to protecting Minato-sensei’s legacy! To suggest that he didn’t raise Minato-sensei’s precious child properly is an insult to Kakashi and Minato-sensei’s memory! Please apologize!” 

Tsunade softens. “You two really are protective of each other, huh? You did the best you could have given the circumstances you were placed in. You should be proud of how well Naruto is doing, just let me take it from here, okay?” 

Gai immediately returns to his regular self, flashing his signature grin. “Yosh! Thank you for your kind words, Tsunade-hime! We truly are indebted to you!”

“It’s the least I could do for my cousin, what can I say? And let me take him, I’m going to do a quick medical checkup.” 

Kakashi hands her the baby immediately, and then pauses as her words wash over him. “Cousin? What?” 

“Well, in a distant way, yes. My grandmother, that is, Hashirama’s wife, was Uzumaki Mito. Coincidentally, she was also Konoha’s first jinchuuriki, who transferred the tailed beast to Kushina, when she died.” 

“Uzumaki!” 

“Yes, exactly,” She nods, placing Naruto on the table and taking him out of his blanket. “Anyway, that means I’ve got a smidge of Uzushio blood in me, which makes us related. So this is–” she pauses, staring down at Naruto’s belly. “What is this?” 

Concerned, Gai and Kakashi run over to see what she’s staring at, shocked when there’s nothing out of the ordinary. 

“What, the seal?” 

“ Yes, Hatake, this seal. What the hell?” 

“...Tsunade-sama, you’ve already seen it, remember? The first night we met?” 

“I did, but I didn’t get a proper look at it. What the hell is the Eight Trigrams Seal doing on a five-month-old baby? Who sealed him?”

Kakashi answers. “Sensei did….. Sensei sealed him right before he and Kushina-senpai died.” His voice cracks. 

Tsunade looks down at the peaceful boy, still sleeping, and wonders just how much shit this village had been dragged through while she was gone. “He used the Eight Trigrams to seal the Kyuubi in his own son…” she murmurs. “He must’ve had an inordinate amount of faith in him, huh?”

Kakashi doesn’t offer a response for several seconds, and when Tsunade finally takes her eyes off of Naruto to look at him, Kakashi is steadfastly staring at the ground, shoulders rigid, visible eye suspiciously wide. 

God, they really are just kids, aren’t they? Tsunade reaches out and places her hands on Kakashi’s shoulders, silently urging him to look up and meet her gaze. “I will do my best to raise Naruto in a way that honors the Yondaime and Kushina’s memories. They might not be alive, but they’ll be with Naruto, no matter what. You will have fulfilled your mission. Okay?” 

Kakashi’s jaw clenches under his mask, and his mysteriously glassy eye is trained somewhere over Tsunade’s right shoulder. Still, he nods shortly. “Okay.” 

Gai wisely chooses that moment to redirect the conversation. “Tsunade-hime, we’ll still be able to see Naruto, right? As he grows up, I mean?” 

“Aren’t you brats tired of your little doting parent routine yet? My lord!” 

Gai takes the confirmation for what it is and grins toothy and wide. “Yosh! My eternal rival, let us go eat dinner. We’ve done all we can here.” 

“Right. We’ll be by again tomorrow to check up on everyone, okay? Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help… Buying furniture…Or something.” Kakashi shoves his hands in his pockets as he and Gai slip on their sandals. 

Just before the two shinobi cross through the door, they turn around. “Tsunade-hime!” She looks up from where she is hovering over the baby. 

“Hm?” 

“Thank you for everything!” 

Tsunade smiles. “Go and get some sleep.” 

They leave, and Tsunade allows herself to take a deep breath, finally absorbing the kitchen and living room she hadn’t set foot in in years. Everything was exactly the same, the paint was in pristine condition, and apart from the thin layer of dust she had cleaned upon arrival, the entire house was spotless. The only thing that changed was a small cot right next to the couch that Tsunade had gotten Shizune to purchase as soon as they had left the Hokage’s– hers now, she supposes– office. 

She rewraps Naruto, who miraculously still hasn’t stirred, and takes him over to the cot. “What a week, huh?” She says softly, carding her fingers through his hair. “Please take care of me from now on.” 

She gently tucks Naruto in, rocking the cot from side to side to lull him into a deeper sleep. And then, and she would deny this to anyone if they asked, she drops a feather-light kiss to his forehead. And as she sits next to the cot, watching over the baby’s sleeping form, she thinks about the ROOT shinobi’s offer to resurrect Dan and Nawaki. She thinks about their unrealized dreams, the sacrifices that they made for Konoha, and she realizes that the jinchuuriki in her care is the culmination of all of those dreams and sacrifices, bound to destiny before he even becomes aware of what it was. And she thinks that, perhaps even more than Dan and Nawaki, Naruto is in need of a physical reminder of Tsunade’s devotion to him, and the dreams he may have. 

Silently, so as to not wake him up, Tsunade removes Hashirama’s necklace from her neck and hangs it above the cot. 

Chapter Text

They sit, quietly, across from each other. The room is pristinely kept, the bare walls and the freshly-wiped tatami flooring making the room feel less like an enclosure and so much more like– morbidly, obscenely– purgatory . 

The youngest of the three, sitting across from the others, refuses to look up from the floor in front of him. His eyes, unblinking, start to glaze over, the force of his blank stare burning through the bamboo. He half expected the flooring to tear. 

The two sitting across from him in identical seizas wear matching looks of apprehension and confusion. The man’s strong jaw is set and clenched, brows furrowed, unsure if he’s more worried about what will come from the boy’s mouth or that for the first time his hands are shaking where they’re fisted on his thighs. The woman next to him has the same clenched jaw, but set in softer features, her naturally larger eyes reflected on the boy’s face in front of her. 

It’s impossible to tell how much time has passed since the boy asked for an audience with them. Secluded from the rest of the village in a house set aside from even its compound, so late at night only ANBU and the red-light district were awake, the privacy seals giving the silence and darkness an oppressive weight that clearly force the boy’s shoulders down even further, make him screw his brows even further together…. 

Outside, dew falls off the tomato plants and onto the ground. And if any of the three shinobi could find it within themselves to tear even an ounce of attention away from one another, they could’ve counted each droplet as they slid, helplessly, onto the dirt. 

The boy dryly swallows once, twice. I will count to three. Once I reach it, I’ll have to open my mouth . 

One. 

Two… 

He swallows again. 

Three. Abruptly, he jerks his head up, opens his mouth, and wills his voice not to crack from disuse or emotion. As he looks at the people in front of him, now wearing twin expressions of surprise and fear, he suddenly wishes he were literally anybody else in the village. 

“There was no other way,” he starts, hands shakily clenching and unclenching from where they’ve gone clammy on his lap. “I… there wasn’t any other way out, please understand!” He tears his gaze away from them, breaking against the revulsion he’s positive exists, trying to find the words in his battle-hardened yet inexperienced, fourteen-year-old brain that could explain to the very people he was supposed to have killed that he didn’t have a choice . 

“I thought they were direct orders from the Godaime. I didn’t know it wasn’t from her until Tsunade-sama found out herself–” 

The boy trails off, allowing his head to fall, engulfing the room in silence again. 

And across from him, the two adults widen their eyes as teardrops begin to fall onto the boy’s lap. 

Itachi had never cried before.

He rubs his eyes stubbornly, hiccuping, sputtering, trying to get the adults to understand. “They were going to hurt Sasuke,” he sobs, “Otou-sama, Okaa-sama, please understand, they were going to hurt Sasuke, I didn’t know what to do–” 

Fugaku, surprisingly, breaks first, lunging across the divide to wrap his hands around his eldest son’s shoulders. Mikoto is still shocked, staring at her son like she’s seeing him for the first time.

“Otou-sama, I’m sorry, I’m sorry , I didn’t know what to do, they withdrew me from ANBU, I didn’t know what to do, they were going to hurt Sasuke, I didn’t want to, please believe me!” Itachi’s hands come up to desperately hug Fugaku back, clawing at his robe like his father would suddenly disintegrate if he loosened his grip for even a fraction of a second. 

Mikoto sees Itachi’s hands, still so small against the planes of her husband’s back, and is startled into movement. She gets up so fast she trips over overself, running over to Itachi’s side, brushing away her own tears to reassure him. 

She dislodges Itachi’s splotchy face from where it was buried in Fugaku’s shoulder so she can hold his face in her hands, letting her husband keep a hold on his shoulder. Even without words, the physical reassurance seemed to anchor him, Itachi’s heaving sobs subsiding to a steady but silent stream of tears. 

This time, it’s Mikoto who speaks first. “Itachi, it’ll be alright, you didn’t do it, you didn’t know, it’s not your fault, okay?” 

Itachi stubbornly shakes his head. “I would’ve, Okaa-sama, I would’ve, If Tsunade-sama didn’t find out, I would’ve done it, I’m so sorry, Okaa-sama, please…  please punish me, I deserve it, Okaa-sama, I don’t deserve to live …”  Itachi dry heaves into Fugaku’s chest, his sobs wracking his whole body, “ I deserve to die for what I would’ve done !” 

Mikoto cuts him off. “But you didn’t , Itachi, and that’s what matters. You didn’t , and we’d love you regardless. We love you regardless, do you understand ? You deserve everything . You deserve the entire world except the hand you were dealt. Itachi .” She pleads with him, not sure if she’s pleading more for her son’s sake, or for her own. Itachi isn’t even listening, still sobbing. 

“Uchiha Itachi.” jerking Itachi’s head forward by the neck until their foreheads are touching. “Look at me.” Fugaku waits for Itachi’s eyes to meet his own, willing himself not to startle when the eyes looking back aren’t the deep black Itachi normally sports, but the bright scarlet of his son’s sharingan.  “Whatever almost happened doesn’t matter, because it didn’t happen. Even if it did, you are our son. You are the heir to the Uchiha Clan of Konohagakure. You are strong, not because of your sharingan, or because of what you can do as a tool of this village, but because you are driven by love for your family and love for your village. You are strong because you are allowing yourself to feel what shinobi thirty years older than you refuse to. Itachi. Son. We are so, so proud of you, do you understand?” 

At this, something inside Itachi must have finally broken, because he loses himself, crumpling into his father’s embrace. He stays, curled up against Fugaku’s chest, eyes screwed shut. Fugaku looks wordlessly at his wife, who helps gently push Itachi from where her hands rest on his back to usher him more securely into Fugaku’s arms. And the Uchiha clan head, captain of the Konoha police force, immovable force of the village’s second founding tribe, softens as he blows hair out of his face so he can see his beloved son better. He does a quick, complicated maneuver with his arms, adjusting Itachi so that he lays across his lap, head resting on his chest. Instinctively, Itachi nestles deeper into his father’s chest, looking for comfort as his tears begin to subside into hiccups and stuttering breaths. 

Mikoto leans over to kiss her husband’s temple, adjusting herself so she sits perpendicular to him, one hand on Fugaku’s shoulder, other pushing Itachi’s matted, wet hair out of his face so she can press a lingering kiss to her forehead. She stays there, caressing Itachi’s head gently, lulling him to sleep, as she leans her head on her husband’s shoulder and murmuring reassurances to her son. 

Fugaku leans over, rests his head on Mikoto’s, and takes a long, steadying breath. “He’s just a boy,” he muttered, voice rumbling deep in his throat, “He’s still just a boy.” 

Mikoto screws her eyes shut. “It’s the burden he bears for the ability he possesses.” Her eyes don’t leave the top of Itachi’s head, which now moves only as his breaths regulate into those deep, slow inhalations that mean he’s cried himself to exhaustion. “I can’t even blame them,” she admits quietly, “...We forgot, too.” 

Fugaku jerks his head, stung, but he’s unable to deny it. Instead, he lets Mikoto’s statement hang in the air for a little bit longer, thinking of the small boy curled up on his chest, the ANBU Junior Officer, the earliest graduate of Konoha’s village academy, the youngest of the Uchiha clan to awaken all three tomoes of his sharingan, and allows himself one short moment of self-pity. “We forgot, too.” 

The three Uchihas stay there for a while, curled protectively around each other in the middle of the room. Minutes pass by, maybe hours, but the sun doesn’t rise, and neither does Itachi, lying limp apart from his right hand, fisted into the front of his father’s robe. 

Finally, Mikoto voices what she and Fugaku have been thinking since before Itachi even sat himself before the two of them. 

“I’m so glad we’re alive. I’m so glad we’re alive....” 

Fugaku hums his agreement quietly. “I can’t even think of what would’ve happened otherwise. We have the gods and Tsunade to thank, don’t we?” 

“Fugaku, I can’t help but think… if everything had happened as it was planned, wouldn’t Sasuke be the one hurting the most?” 

Fugaku adjusts his cheek where it rests against Mikoto’s head, humming again. “How do you figure that?” 

“If Itachi had…… done it ,” she starts, not wanting to explicitly state what exactly Itachi had been planning to do, “then everyone would’ve been gone. And then what would’ve happened to Itachi? What would’ve Sasuke done, alone in the compound? Would anyone tell him? Would he resent his brother?” 

Fugaku inhales and exhales, making sure to count his breaths so his chakra doesn’t spike and accidentally wake Itachi. “It’s no use worrying over things that won’t happen. We just have to be thankful for what we have now.” Fugaku pauses, purposefully. “What we have to find out,”  he lifts his head off of Mikoto’s and waits for her to turn to him, “is who exactly is responsible for this injustice, and why they have subjected our son to their sin.” 

When Mikoto holds Fugaku’s gaze, she is not just Fugaku’s companion. Mikoto’s gaze holds the weight of the wife of the head of the Uchiha clan, the weight of the mother of Itachi, and the weight of a jounin kunoichi of Konoha. 

She nods, once, and that is all Fugaku needs. 

Noiselessly, he gathers Itachi up in his arms and stands up, allowing Mikoto to follow suit. She opens the sliding doors for her husband, the two of them padding to the other side of the house, where they place Itachi onto his bed and tuck him in exactly how they used to, taking turns kissing his forehead, each whispering goodnights in his ears. And for good measure, to ease both her soul and his, Mikoto writes a quick prayer on Itachi’s forehead with her finger and gently blows on it to seal it, just as the Clan Elders used to do for her. 

Tomorrow, maybe, Itachi would wake up and feel exhausted, but slightly lighter than he did before. And tomorrow, maybe, Itachi could play with Sasuke in the morning, and then run to the forest with Shisui, and finally confess what was weighing him down in the safety of the redwoods. And tomorrow, maybe, Fugaku and Mikoto would wake up, and form a plan. 

But tonight, three of the four Uchihas fall into a deep sleep. 

One room over from Itachi’s, a seven-year-old sits up in his pitch black room. Sasuke didn’t hear a single part of Itachi’s breakdown, nor was he privy to the revelation that made its way to his parents from Senju Tsunade herself, but he heard the sliding doors open and shut outside of training hours, and he heard the soft sounds of reassurance in the room over, and he heard his parents leave Itachi’s room together. 

He stares, unblinking, just like his older brother, at his hands that clench the blanket in front of him. Tears begin to leak, unbidden, from his eyes, but Sasuke doesn’t even notice. Sasuke doesn’t register anything happening, except that something was wrong with Itachi. 

And to himself, he repeats one word, whispering, hoping against all odds his brother is okay, that he will miraculously wake up to Sasuke’s prayer and comfort him, that he will smile wryly and poke his forehead and apologize, like he always does. 

But he doesn’t. So Sasuke keeps saying it to himself. 

“Nii-san.”

Kakashi doesn’t know if it would even matter if he opened his mouth right now. In the sound-proofed, pitch-black cell, Kakashi could easily kill both boys sitting before him, and everyone would be none the wiser. But then he’d possibly lose information, and, well, Kakashi is a seasoned killing machine, but even he draws the line at killing small children. 

Not that anything apart from these kids’ faces and size would’ve given that away. The younger boy, whose pallid face seemed to be the only source of light in the cell, sits steadfastly with the same quiet sort of conviction as a jounin. His eyes are guileless, but his heart rate is almost concerningly level; even after being trapped in this claustrophobic cell with one other person for a full week, he shows no sign of panic or concern. His hands, clad in black standard gear, don’t fidget or twist in his lap as another child may have, but rest gently on his thighs. If Kakashi wasn’t surreptitiously checking his chakra circulation, he may have actually thought the kid was meditating. 

The slightly older boy next to him, though, is a little more normal. He sits identically to his counterpart, completely still, not even moving to move the tawny hair that fell over his wide, almond eyes. The one thing that gives him away, though, are the periodic glances he makes towards the younger boy. Kakashi spends a bit more time sizing this one up; probably because from the set of his jaw and the slight hunch of his shoulders, like he hasn’t really come into himself yet, it seems like he’d be just around Kakashi’s age. 

But if he was Kakashi’s age, and if their Konoha hitai-ates were real, then why hadn’t he ever seen these boys before in his life? 

He knows, though. Kakashi may be twenty-one and socially inept, but any Commanding Officer of ANBU with any field or political experience would know, at least vaguely, what’s going on. 

Time seems to slip. Kakashi sighs internally. He forgot to keep track of how long he’s been in this cell, and if he’s late to dinner, Gai will have his head. 

He squats down so he’s eye-level with the two boys. 

“Right, show me your tongues.” 

Neither of the boys flinch, but their eyes widen infinitesimally. Bingo. 

“Well? I don’t have all day, and you know we can just decide to take your food away, right?” 

Nothing. 

“Ugh. Alright. I didn’t really want to bring this out so early on, but I’m getting hungry.” Kakashi releases his excess chakra in his right hand, allowing his chidori to form. The white-blue light of his natural chakra affinity lights up the room, illuminating the two boys’ faces and drawing harsher shadows along the hollows of their cheeks. “You can open up your mouths or this is going through your shoulders.” 

The younger boy perks up at this. “Only shoulders?” 

What the fuck? Kakashi shelves that thought for later. “I can’t kill you immediately. If this goes through your heart, you won’t feel anything after that initial flash of pain. If I do this right, the electric heat won’t even cauterize your wound, and you’ll be left to bleed out while I keep interrogating you. Every time you refuse to answer, I will give you a small but deep wound in another nonvital place. Because of the natural affinity of this jutsu, you’ll either bleed out to death, have a heart attack from a blood clot, or die of an infected wound. Remember that we’ve got indestructible seal tags on you, so you won’t be able to use chakra, even internally, to heal yourself or boil any harmful bacteria. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just use this.” Kakashi pushes his hitai-ate up on his forehead and lets some blood flow into his orbitals, making his sharingan whorl to life. 

At this, both boys startle slightly. Finally , thinks Kakashi, we’re getting somewhere. All at once, Kakashi pushes his hitai-ate back into place and brings his hand to the younger boy’s shoulder. 

He turns to the older boy. “I know you don’t give a shit if I put this through you. You will give a shit, though, if I put this through him. And I know neither of you want to deal with my eyes. So open up.” 

Miraculously, the older boy slowly unhinges his jaw, his eyes not betraying any emotion as he sticks out his tongue for Kakashi to examine in the low light. Even in the near-complete darkness, he can make out the color and texture differences on his tongue, the burning away of taste buds and the inky blackness of that geometric seal. ROOT’s. 

Fuck, Kakashi doesn’t let his face betray his thoughts. These kids have to be, like, seven or eight and my age. How long were they even in there for? How young were they when that bastard got to them? 

Outwardly, Kakashi just nods once, sharply, and channels his ANBU Commanding Officer persona. “I know what that seal is. Are you surprised by this fact?” He makes direct eye contact with the younger and then older boy. Neither of them betray any emotion, but Kakashi does a double-take. “You can put your tongue back in your mouth, you know. I saw what I needed to see.” Jesus. Do they really need to be ordered around for every single little thing?

“I understand that it’s pointless for me to ask you a majority of questions directly, and I assume you’ve been trained to handle interrogations of various kinds without giving away any information. And as much as it looked like I was about to, I truly do not want to injure either of you. Both of you are Konoha shinobi, and you are both young. I don’t consider you traitors. Yet . So what I will do, for both of your sakes and mine, is simple. I am going to ask you a series of extremely simple and direct questions. I understand neither of you can verbally answer in a way that reveals too much about your organization or your leader without triggering the seal. If you feel you are able to speak in order to respond to the question, do so. If you feel you can’t, shake your head and I will rephrase or ask it in a different way. At the very least, I am going to need nods or shakes. Am I clear?” 

Kakashi peers down through his one visible eye to the two boys, who still have yet to move. He moves from where he crouched down in front of the older boy to sit, legs crossed, in front of both of them, but straightens his back and casually moves his hand back over his headband. 

“Am I clear?”

Both boys nod. 

“Very good. Let’s begin with some basic questions. Are you okay with that?” 

The younger boy nods. The older, however, actually opens his mouth. 

“Why are you being so nice to us?” 

This startles Kakashi. “The hell do you mean, nice ?”

The boy is unperturbed. “You keep asking if we’re comfortable. Aren’t we prisoners here? Why should you care about our comfort?” 

“I mentioned earlier, didn’t I? You’re both shinobi of Konoha. You’re not enemies to me. Plus,” Kakashi grimaces, knowing how much like Genma and Gai he sounds, “You’re both young. You shouldn’t be tried or interrogated like adults.” 

“We’re the same age.” 

Kakashi’s visible eye doesn’t widen, but it’s a close thing. “How do you know that?” 

At this, he sees the first visible emotion from the older boy as he raises his eyebrows. “You’re Hatake Kakashi. Everybody with a pair of eyes and ears knows who you are.” 

Kakashi feels his cheeks warm. “Uh. Right.” He shakes his head a bit to clear his mind a bit. You’re interviewing fucking kids , Hatake. Get your shit together. “Now that we’ve established your comfort levels,” he looks pointedly at the tawny-haired boy, “can we begin? I’m getting fucking bored.” 

The paler boy starts at Kakashi’s language. “Is swearing an effective interrogation strategy?” 

Kakashi barks out a laugh, startled. “Nobody cares what language I use. I get the job done. Now,” he pauses, and the tone immediately shifts. His gaze sharpens. “What village do each of you have allegiance to?” 

Instinctively, both boys shift to sit up straighter. “Konoha,” the older one says. 

Kakashi turns his gaze to the younger boy. “I’m going to need verbal responses from both of you where you can.” 

“I am a shinobi of Konoha.” 

“Next question. What are your names?” There is a pause, and some kind of shifting Kakashi can’t directly see in the low light, like gentle fidgeting. “What…” he begins, incredulous, “Do you not have names?” 

“We have names. I was just trying to remember mine. My apologies. My name is Tenzo.” 

“You didn’t remember your own name ?” 

The boy– Tenzo , Kakashi mentally corrects– shrugs across from him. “I’m not referred to by name much, so I’ve had to reason to hear or recall it.” 

At this, Kakashi turns to the younger boy. “Do you not remember your own name either?” 

“No, I remembered it.” 

“Then why didn’t you say anything first?” I really don’t have the mental capacity to be the least emotionally inept person in the room right now… 

“I didn’t want to.” 

Kakashi has to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes, or worse, letting chakra accidentally accumulate in his fists. Think of Gai, think of Genma, think of Naruto… take deep breaths…. Take some deep breaths…. Visibly, Kakashi inhales deeply, and exhales. He’s just a kid. He’s a kid. “You see how, in this situation, I care very little about what you want to do?” 

Tenzo, to his credit, also looks a bit taken aback, and looks to the other boy. “What?” 

The smaller boy turns to meet Tenzo’s gaze. “It reminds me too much of Shin,” he admits, and Tenzo’s face softens a bit in understanding. 

Kakashi, on the other hand, is far more concerned about getting answers than the boy’s emotions. “We’ll get to whoever Shin is in a minute. First, what is your name ?” He allows his chakra to circulate a bit faster, generating static electricity around the three of them. Both boys begin to fidget when they find their clothes suddenly itchy. 

Kakashi’s visible eye bores into the black pools of the younger boy’s. “Sai,” he says, pale skin looking ashen in the dim light. “My name is Sai.” 

“All right, Sai.” Gai. Genma. Gai. Genma. Gai. The kid is like, nine. Or six? Shit, I really gotta get better at figuring out how old kids are. This is why I’m never the one in charge of talking to kids. What the hell do you even say now? “Thank you for telling me your name.” Was that too polite? This is still an interrogation. We’re still literally at the bottom of T&I Right now. Shit, am I being stupid? Should I have even been this nice? Wait, quick, I need to ask another question. “How old are you?” 

Sai’s thin eyebrows come together. “I think I’m seven. Is that important?” 

Kakashi does a double-take. “You think ?” Under his hitai-ate, Kakashi’s sharingan starts to throb dully. “What do you mean, think ?” 

“I don’t know when my birthday is, so I’m either seven or eight. I’m pretty sure.” 

Kakashi thanks every god and deity he can think of for the mask covering his face, because he pulls an expression he’s pretty sure would not be received well by the two children in front of him. He takes a deep breath and counts to three slowly. Gai. Genma. Gai. Genma. Gai. Tsunade. Genma. Gai. Tsunade. Naruto. Minato-sensei. Think of Minato-sensei. 

“Okay. Now, who is Shin?” 

At this, Tenzo angles his body a bit closer to Sai’s. Interesting . Sai, for his part, does not flinch, but it’s a close thing. The lightning chakra Kakashi had dissipated earlier hadn’t simply dissolved, and so he could feel the electrostatic conduction on Sai’s skin getting more pointed, slightly panicked, more upset . 

So he is still a kid in some ways. 

A few seconds tick by, and Kakashi almost rephrases the question in case they couldn’t verbally respond, when Sai opens his mouth. 

“Shin was my brother.” 

Immediately, Kakashi feels an onslaught of emotion. Pity, sadness, nausea– but mostly confusion. 

“Wait. When did you begin working for ROOT?” 

“I don’t know. As long as I can remember.”

“So how do you remember your brother? How were you allowed contact with him? Was he older? Younger?” 

For his part, Sai doesn’t startle at the compounding questions. “Shin was older than me by a few years. He wasn’t my brother by blood. We lived together in ROOT, and he taught me everything I know.” 

“What happened to him?” 

“He died.” 

“I gathered that. How did he die?” 

Kakashi counts the seconds. They seem to slip past, caught in the blank expanse of Sai’s unblinking gaze, in the set of Tenzo’s shoulders. The induction in the room seems to settle. There is no additional information purposefully being withheld. 

Alright. Let’s try that again.

“I’m gonna list a couple of hypothetical scenarios. Of course, none of these had to have happened to Shin, which means that, if you were to suggest that any manner of death could have hypothetically related to his demise, I wouldn’t take it any way. Is that okay with you?” 

Sai hesitantly nods. He’s quick, Kakashi realizes again. 

“He got sick.” 

No response. 

“He was captured.” 

Still nothing. Kakashi keeps rattling off suggestions. 

“He died in an accident. He was tortured. ANBU killed him because he was in ROOT. Danzo killed him. He died on a mission. He was killed by his teammates. He--” 

Sai shifts almost imperceptibly. Sai’s black eyes, almost drawing in the light from his pallid skin, don’t waver. Apart from the minor shuffling, Sai seems, for all intents and purposes, to have not acknowledged Kakashi’s last comment at all. It’s just a minor–remarkably minor, especially for a child– shift in weight, from one kneeling leg to the other, but for someone who was sitting ramrod-straight this whole time, Kakashi immediately latches onto the movement. 

Behind his hitai-ate, Kakashi’s sharingan eye widens. 

“He was killed by his teammates?” 

Sai makes no further movement. Getting warmer . 

“He was killed by the team captain? He was killed by another teammate, but not all of them?” 

Sai shifts from sitting in a seiza to a cross-legged position. 

And it finally shifts into place. Kakashi suddenly fights the urge to step back, or worse, pull his mask down and vomit all over the prison floor. 

“You killed him.” 

Tenzo looks shocked, though more likely at Kakashi’s correct deduction than Sai’s murder of his brother. 

Kakashi affords himself exactly two seconds to compose himself before he continues. He still is an ANBU member, after all. The faster this goddamn interrogation is over, the faster I can get fresh air. Let’s stick to easy questions. 

“Was it an accident, or did you have to?” 

Sai averts his gaze, and something inside Kakashi crumbles. 

“Listen, kid.” Kakashi full-on sits and crosses his legs in front of Sai and Tenzo. “I know you don’t really want to think about this. And I know you can’t say anything because of the seal. To be honest, I really don’t want to fucking talk about this either. You’re not even half my age .” He glances over at Tenzo, “I don’t even know exactly how old you are, freak-eyes, but we’ll get to that in a second, and I sure as hell know you aren’t older than me, too. But the easier it is for you to confirm or deny what I’m saying, the sooner the three of us can be out of here and we can figure out if there’s a way to help you. If you don’t,” Kakashi lets the beginnings of chidori dance across his palm, “you know what has to happen, and none of us want that. Okay?” 

“I don’t think anybody has ever sworn at us before.” 

Under his mask, Kakashi’s lips quirk up into a smile.  “Well, not everybody puts cursed seals on kids. But hey, you learn something new every day, huh? You gonna answer my questions as much as you can?” 

Two nods. “Great. Did you want to kill Shin, or did you have to?” 

“I had to.”

Well, that much was expected, I suppose. Don’t think anybody would want to kill their brother. 

“Did he betray you?” 

“No.” 

“Did you have to kill him for yourself, or for ROOT?” 

Another second passes, and Kakashi starts wondering if he’s actually going to have to put his hand through a seven-year-old kid’s chest. 

Sai finally opens his mouth, and Kakashi lets his eyes take in the ROOT seal branded on his tongue as Sai sticks it out. His tiny mouth stays open for just enough that both Tenzo and Kakashi have been adequately familiarized with the way the seal melds itself to Sai’s particular anatomy, and then shuts his mouth and looks blankly at his interrogator. 

“Interrogator.” That is, the twenty-one-year-old soldier assigned to parse out two fellow child-soldiers’ baggage. Shit , Kakashi thinks. What the fuck do I do now? Give him a fucking hug ? I wish Gai were here. I’m so bad at this shit. 

“That tells me everything I need to know. You can take a break.” He turns his attention to Tenzo, whose hand has quietly made its way over to Sai’s shoulder. Tenzo gives him a quick, reassuring squeeze, then retracts his hand so quickly it’s like it wasn’t even there. “Let’s start with you, then. Ready?”

Tenzo steels himself and nods, wide eyes meeting Kakashi’s grey one head-on. And it’s gone almost as fast as it came, in a fraction of a second, but for an instant, Kakashi sees himself in Tenzo’s gaze. Shit. Maybe he is older than me after all. 

“How long have you been a part of ROOT?” 

“As long as I’ve been alive.” 

“I wasn’t aware Danzo cared for babies.”

“He doesn’t.” 

“So you’re lying.”

“No.”

Kakashi takes a deep breath and pinches his brow. This would be so much easier if I just had a byakugan. This fucking sucks. “Then explain to me how you’ve been a part of ROOT since you were born. Remember,” Kakashi allows bright hints of static to form at the hand in front of his face, “I’ll get the truth out of you one way or another, even if it sucks for all three of us.” 

Tenzo, for his part, is unphased. “I haven’t been a part of ROOT since birth. I only said I’ve been a part of ROOT since I’ve been alive.” 

Immediately, Kakashi wants to get the fuck out of the holding cell. And maybe shave his head and quit being a shinobi. He takes deep breaths. Maybe I could help out at a store or something. I could keep Pakkun and the gang as pets and Gai could take them out for walks while I read– wait, why the fuck is Gai in this fantasy? Wait, fuck , I’m supposed to be interrogating fuck I hope my expression hasn’t changed– “So you were made? Here, in Konoha?”

A nod. Kakashi waits for Tenzo to elaborate. He doesn’t. Kakashi is filled, suddenly, with horrible impatience for the two blank slates in front of him. It feels like he’s talking to fucking Sarutobi . Or another old man. Wait. 

“How old are you exactly? You never answered my question.” 

“I believe I am around fourteen years old, give or take. I don’t know my birthday.” 

Great. Now I look like a goddamn idiot trying to interrogate robots that are both definitely younger than me. If Tsunade saw this, she’d never let me live it down. 

“Alright. Why were you made?”

“I don’t know.” 

Fair. Not like I would ask somebody birthed that question either. Kakashi wants this interrogation over and fucking done with, and does some quick math to figure out just how many more questions he’s absolutely required to ask before he can legally consider the interrogation fulfilled (and promptly knock out). “I guess that was a bit too philosophical. Were you created with any specific purpose? Who made you?” He opens his mouth to find another question to ask, and then promptly shuts it upon realizing he had no idea what else he could possibly say. 

“Again, I’m not sure, but I have been told my kekkei genkai is particularly notable, and I’ve been considered an asset to my teams because of it. As I’ve been told… and this may not be factual, Orochimaru made me.” 

“What exactly is your kekkei genkai?” Kakakshi asks before he can think too hard about the fact that Orochimaru made this kid with freaky eyes in a lab . 

“I think it would be more effective if I showed you,” Tenzo says, “I’m not exactly sure you would believe me if I told you.” 

“Do you think I’m an idiot? Why do you think we have chakra seals here?” 

“The opposite, actually. I know who you are, Kakashi Hatake. And I know what you know about the history of Konohagakure. And I simply don’t think you would believe me if I told you without evidence.” 

“I’ve seen practically everything. Try me.”

Tenzo takes a deep breath. “I have the Mokuton.”

“Well, okay.” Kakashi internally thanks all his years of rigorous ANBU training for preventing his face from doing something that definitely would’ve been obvious through the mask. “That explains why you were made.” 

Tenzo’s large, almond eyes suddenly became all the more unnerving. I need to sleep. And also, I need to never be in this room again. 

Kakashi has no idea how to end an interrogation with two children. Not for the first time, he wishes he was at least a little better socialized. Fuck this. Fuck this job. Gai should’ve done this. Or Genma. I need to go home. “Right, well… I guess that’s all I have to ask. Unless you’ve suddenly got some kekkei genkai I need to know about too, Sai.” 

Sai shakes his head. 

“Thank god.” Kakashi turns to the exit, hidden in the wall. “Uh…” he glances back at them. “I think you guys are safe. Let me know if you…. Need anything, or whatever.” Wait, they’re still prisoners. “Or don’t. I guess. Bye.”

It takes Kakashi far longer than normal to return to the main floors of the T&I unit. His sharingan keeps pulsing out of nowhere, he keeps accidentally shocking himself against the walls and railings, and he keeps having the urge to take off his mask. Composure. Composure. Composure. 

What if this is now Naruto ends up? Is this what happens when you let people off the leash? What if Danzo tries to get him from us because of the Kyuubi? Is this what happens if we take our eyes off him? Does Tsunade know? She has to know, there’s no way she can’t know, she’s Hokage , there’s no way she can’t. This is the whole reason we got her back, this is the whole reason she’s here…. Right? Right? It’ll be okay, right? Where’s Gai? And Genma? Weren’t they supposed to meet me here? Where are they? Where– 

“Hey. Hey. Hatake. Hey .” No answer. Morino Ibiki heaves another sigh. There were quite a few privileges offered to him for being the head of Konoha’s Tortue and Investigation unit, but talking down emotionally fraught shinobi was not one of them. Especially this one. Hatake Kakashi was not known for being particularly receptive to emotional vulnerability (or, truthfully, emotions at all). So he does the next most efficient thing. He places his hands together. Kai!

Kakashi’s visible eye snaps open. “Fuck! What the fuck!” He sputters as he loses his footing from the abrubt chakra interruption. He falls over himself, collapsing into the wall behind him. “You bastard,” Kakashi groans up at Ibiki from where he caught himself, letting his usable eye readjust to his surroundings. “What was that for?” 

Ibiki shrugs. “You weren’t responding.” 

If his eye rolls that far back regularly , Ibiki muses idly , he should probably let the medics evaluate him for eye strain. “Some people try things like tapping my shoulder. Or speaking louder,” Kakashi bites. Ibiki’s clothes seem like they start clinging to his body more. 

But he remains unfazed. “I’m too busy to prioritize your emotions over efficiency, Hatake. I have more hostages to oversee. Hostages who,” he gives Kakashi a remarkably significant look for how little his muscles moves, “are much bigger threats to us than the kids you just babysat for an hour. Which brings me–” 

“You just had me babysit them ? Are you stupid? Do you know who–” 

Ibiki levels another look at Kakashi, and he shuts up immediately. As remarkable a shinobi he is, and as much as he’s grown, Kakashi is still only twenty-one, and an agitated Morino Ibiki was not somebody Kakashi is interested in thinking about beyond the scope of bedtime stories to kids at the academy. “Which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about to begin with. Sai and Tenzo are to live with you so they can return to regular village life, Hokage’s orders.” 

Kakashi takes a deep breath. Actually, he takes many. God, I wish I’d put the chidori through myself instead of Rin that day. Sorry, Gai, I know I’m not supposed to say that. Then he catches himself. “Wait. You know their names.” The room gets more charged. “ So why the fuck did you send me in that room to begin with? ” 

Ibiki’s smirk is the last thing Kakashi sees as he leaps out of the T&I building and into the Hokage’s office. 

He knows Gai is already in Tsunade’s office before he gets there, mostly because he can hear them both screaming at each other (or, more accurately, Tsunade screaming at Gai, and Gai speaking at his normal decibel level––  earth-shatteringly loud). 

“RIVAL! You’re finally here! Did you meet the kids yet?” 

Kakashi feels violent. “You’re already calling them the kids? What the hell did she do to you?” 

“ Hello, Hokage-sama––” Tsunade begins. 

“Don’t you dare start with me, Senju,” Kakashi turns to her. “There are a billion and one clans in this damned village that won’t even notice two extra mouths to feed. Gai and I are both active shinobi. We are twenty years old. Have your brain-cells traveled down to your breasts, or have you completely forgotten the entire reason you’re taking care of Naruto in the first place?” 

“KAKASHI!” Gai yells. Tsunade punches the wall behind her and fissions immediately travel through the structure of the entire room.  

“You watch your goddamn mouth, boy,” Tsunade’s fists begin to glow with the sheer amount of chakra flowing in. “I don’t care if you were the one that brought me here, but you are to respect me.” 

And the weight of Kakashi’s disrespect suddenly hits. “.... My apologies, Hokage-sama. It’s been… a long day.” 

Tsunade takes a look at the boys in front of her and softens. “Right then. Off you get.” 

Kakashi’s visible eyebrow quirks up. “That’s it? No beating?” 

An eye roll. “Get out of my office before I reconsider, Hatake. And you,” she turns to Gai, “make sure he doesn’t die, okay? I’d have to do all the paperwork.” 

They leave the office, and Kakashi immediately collapses. Again. 

“My rival! Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?” 

“I just…” Kakashi looks up from where he’s crumpled on the floor, and surreptitiously checks that there’s nobody around. “I don’t think I can do this. I really….” He pushes up his hitai-ate to look him dead-on, “I really do not think I can do this, Gai.” 

“Good thing you don’t have to then, right?” 

He scoffs. “Disobey Senju? Yeah, right.”

“You know, for all your intelligence, you can really be so stupid sometimes.” Gai squats down to Kakashi’s level and gamely clasps his hand. “You don’t have to do it alone. Why do you think I was in that room with you in the first place? We’ll be fine.” 

“... Do you really think so?” 

Gai tries not to think about how soft Kakashi’s voice was in that moment and clears his throat, squeezing his best friend’s hand tighter. “Hokage-sama isn’t stupid. If she thought anybody else were better for the job, she would’ve had them do this. Besides, it’ll be just like having a genin team, yeah?” 

Kakashi takes a minute to respond. 

“Yeah. yeah…. Gai, we’ll be okay.”

And maybe it was just in the heat of the moment, but neither of them let go. 

Chapter Text

“The market's having a bit of an upheaval, huh?” Genma murmurs around his senbon. 

“Did you hear?”

“Yes! Can you believe–”

Kakashi grunts. “Seems like news really does travel fast, even with the civilians.”

“It makes sense, my rival! When such a thing happens, gossip is sure to spread!” Gai pumps the fist that isn’t carrying a hand basket filled with fresh groceries. Kakashi, strangely, is suddenly struck with the images of violent and overbearing wives in comedies, and snorts to himself. Genma quirks an eyebrow, and Kakashi waves him off. But still engrossed in the image of the bustling shoppers he paints, Gai doesn’t notice. Instead, he flails in the general direction of the path. “Listen! Listen to the way knowledge in Konohagakure spreads!”

“And so young too, can you imagine–”

“Who ordered? The Hokage? How could he–”

“No, no! No way it was her! Tsunade-sama would never!” 

Genma scoops up the basket from Gai and crosses over to look at the tomatoes. “These are fresh, right? I heard the squirt likes ‘em.” He looks at Kakashi as he rolls one over in his hand. “It’s kind of nice hearing that the people have faith in the person we picked to lead, isn’t it?” Genma takes out his senbon and looks at the vendor. “I’ll take four. Thanks, oji-san. Gai, can you handle the cash? I see some onions I want to get my hands on.” 

“Of course, my dear friend! Thank you for handling dinner for our children tonight! Oji-san– thank you!” 

“They’re not our children, Gai, please calm down,” Kakashi groans. “I know the average shinobi lifespan is shorter than average, but we’re not that old yet.”

“I dunno, Kakashi…. they kind of are your children. How long have they been living with you?”

“Yeah, and fuck you too, Genma. I–”

“I’ve heard the boy has to take off from missions for a month, how embarrassing!”

“I’ve heard he has to resign entirely! But for his own health, not the sake of the clan, I think. Seems kind of useless to take out your most loyal soldier, huh?” 

The three shinobi pause, just slightly, just enough to signal to each other to listen, just as they started to gather around the shallots. 

“All this to say–”

“Gods, yes—” 

“That poor boy… ” 

Kakashi’s visible eye settles on a point far in the distance and keeps itself there. Genma’s jaw clenches. Gai grips the hand basket he took back from Genma a little tighter. For being in our early twenties , Genma thinks, the three of us are far more jaded than we should be . 

“I’ve heard he looks so tired too, he seems far more withdrawn than normal from what I’ve heard.”

“Me too! I stopped by the flower shop the other day and the child looked like a ghost! I hope nothing terrible happened.” 

“We should move, Kakashi, Genma,” Gai starts. “We’ve been quiet, we haven’t moved, I don’t want people to think we’re eavesdropping.” 

“Gai,” Genma smirks, “We are eavesdropping.”

Gai shoves him back playfully; Genma careens backwards into a crate of spinach. “CAN YOU NOT!”

“Terribly sorry, my friend! I forget my strength sometimes!” Gai hurries over to help Genma up and put the crate back in place. “My sincerest apologies, oba-san. Please, accept this money to make up for the inconvenience we've caused. I swear I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening in the future! I will turn in my hitai-ate if that’s what you desire! I am so sorry for impeding your livelihood!”

The vendor chuckles and takes the wad of cash. “Is he always like this? Such an earnest boy.”

“Since we were kids,” Genma nods. “Terribly sorry for the inconvenience though, ma’am. We’ll get out of your hair now.”

“You boys have a good day!”

The two of them turn to a disgruntled Kakashi. “Can you please not make a grocery trip into a scene for once ?”

“Hey, you’re the one with the freak-out disease. Don’t blame me,” Genma smirks. 

Kakashi’s cheeks flood under his mask. “Whatever. Let’s…. Anyway. Whatever. I’m changing the subject now. Let’s figure out this meat situation, come on.” As the three shinobi move to the next set of stalls, he lowers his voice. “Information really does travel quickly.” 

Gai looks at a beef special with interest. “It is fairly remarkable how little was wrong. We really should give civilians more credit.” 

Kakashi hums in agreement. “To be fair, the village really has been set alight after this. It’s rare that the Uchiha are in an uproar about anything publicly.” 

“That being said, ‘public uproar’ for the Uchiha is really just Fugaku being slightly more terse than usual.” 

“Correct! While the honorable Uchiha clan frequently matches me in passion, it’s rare that they display their hearts on their sleeves.”

“Shiranui, we have enough rice, right? How hungry do you think the squirts are gonna be?”

Genma scrutinizes the ingredients of the hand basket. “We’ve got, what, four brats to feed tonight?” He counts them off on his fingers. “We got ghost face, almond eyes–”

“Will you stop pretending to be me for a second, Genma?”

“Fine. Sai, Tenzo, Itachi, and Sasuke, right?”

Kakashi smirks behind his mask. “You’re forgetting one, aren’t you?”

“There’s a fifth?”

A second passes. Gai starts to chuckle. 

“Give him a second, Gai, he’s a bit slow. Come on, Shiranui, or you’ll have to demote yourself.”

Another second passes. Then another. And then suddenly, it dawns on Genma, his expression of wide-eyed understanding not completely unlike the child he had unwittingly forgotten. The child whom he had, coincidentally, spent the greater part of a year some time ago attempting to raise. So much for his so-called maternal instincts. 

“OH!”

“Yeah, idiot.”

“Tsunade’s letting him out of her sight for the night?”

“He’s not her captive , Genma, we made sure of that–”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean.”

“I think Tsunade-sama wants all of them to grow up together. To fix themselves, you know?” Gai gives Kakashi and Genma a searching look, suddenly earnest. “They should… They should learn to lean on each other early, I think.”

Genma’s eyes flit over to Kakashi, who meets his gaze for a split second. He feels far older than he should feel at twenty-three. He can’t imagine how old Kakashi must feel. How strongly he must have to agree with and respect the fifth Hokage’s wishes, how deeply he must care for the kids he lives with– for no other reason than to ensure that Sai doesn’t grow up with guilt running deep in his veins, so that Tenzo doesn’t become too reckless because he thinks he exists just to test the limits of his abilities and be expendable, so that Minato’s only child can grow up feeling everything a normal child of this village should feel. So that these innocent children of Konohagakure don’t grow up believing that their monstrosity overtakes their humanity. How deeply Kakashi must harbor those feelings, how often he must get lost in thought on his night guard rotations between Naruto and Sai and Tenzo. How viscerally he must feel them, to volunteer his hand to help make dinner, to start conversations with these kids and not end them, to finally engage in the domesticity he staunchly avoided for almost a decade. 

Kakashi must have picked up on Genma’s musings, because he pushes past him, making a point to nudge their shoulders together. 

“I’m fine,” he says softly, “Let’s go make curry.”

Mikoto sits in a seiza for the second time in too-short a time, she thinks. Sasuke fidgets on her left, and Itachi stares blankly ahead on his. Fugaku sits on her right, jaw clenched, set exactly the same way it has been for the past week. Fugaku loves his firstborn, of course he does, but he also loves his clan.

“We are going to request that Sasuke come along with the puppet to these meetings. Given his indiscretion against the clan, it would be clearly unwise that he have the same level of access to the Uchiha as before, without anybody to check him. We will hope that the younger will, as the new heir, feel a stronger connection to the Uchiha, learn from the mistakes of his elder, and save the clan from further humiliation within the village.”

Sasuke shifts uncomfortably and glances up at his brother. Itachi makes no movement. 

“Obaa-sama,” Sasuke begins to whisper, before Mikoto’s hand covers his arm. 

“Just listen, Sasuke,” she says kindly, though not straying her gaze from her mother-in-law’s face. “Ask us questions later.”

The head of the Uchiha tribal council remains uncharacteristically stoic in the face of her youngest grandson. Right now, the role she fills is the role she must, and not the role she desires. But it is unfair, she muses, to subject the child to so much, so soon. It’s not his fault what has transpired . Itachi was the medium through which betrayal could have occurred, but he is a child. It was the village’s fault, for abusing the boy’s love for Sasuke. It was our fault, for not supporting the boy sooner, for not realizing the burdens he shoulders were too much for a teen. And now… and now, appearances must hold, more than anything else. We cannot weaken, but we cannot be too loud in our support, either. Strategic movement is of the essence. What else is the Sharingan for? Her wrinkled, though distinctly clear and calculating eyes move quickly around the room as she makes a quick decision. “Why don’t you take a break and see what Shisui is doing right now, little crow? I can tell your legs are stiff. Young birds shouldn’t sit poised for so long, I hear.” 

Sasuke shoots up, eager to get out of the muggy meeting room. “Thank you, obaa-sama! I won’t disturb you, I promise!” And so quickly, before his family could scold him for his inappropriate behavior, he wraps his arms around Itachi from the back. And with Sasuke’s exuberance returning a sliver of levity to the room, the meeting continues, though not as gentle as before.

“The boy will no longer be afforded the privileges nor responsibilities that come with being the Uchiha heir. He will no longer receive specialized training. He will no longer be privy to the inner workings of the clan. He will no longer have unfiltered access to our archives.”

“But he will remain an Uchiha?”

“Yes,” Sasuke hears as he pushes the bamboo door shut behind him. Immediately, Sasuke feels strangely light. So onii-san will just have more free time to play and train with us, then! And maybe he’ll be less stressed, too! 

But Sasuke misses his grandmother’s next statement. “But,” she says, “he will be isolated from his peers. We cannot take chances with the current heir and his playmates, in case the puppet is ever overtaken with urges of destroying this clan, and our kekkei genkai, again. He will not interact with the new heir, nor his cousins, on his own. He will be monitored until we feel it is safe to let him into our midst again.” 

Perhaps it was good Sasuke was out of the loop on his beloved older brother’s mandated isolation . Mikoto looks at Sasuke’s silhouette as it bleeds through the tatami. He’s just a boy, after all. 

But children have a way of always being more perceptive than the adults around them think. 

Sasuke starts to get suspicious only a few days later, while he’s getting ready to meet Shisui and Izumi at the training compound. The training compound, which, obviously, Itachi and Shisui use to teach Sasuke taijutsu (and flirt, gross ) while Izumi tries and fails to woo his older brother ( grosser ). The training compound, which, it seems, Itachi was not coming to today. In all his excitement, Sasuke only notices the distinct lack of his brother’s presence as he’s slipping his right sandal on. Ugh. He better not be stuck in a book somewhere. Again. 

“ONII-SAN!” He yells as he hops around, trying to get his sandal on. “IT’S TIME TO– Oh!” 

Itachi was right behind him, standing at the entrance of the genkan. 

“Well? What are you waiting for? We have to go! You don’t wanna keep Shiiiiiisui-oniisan waiting, do you?” 

Itachi blushes, but it’s a slight thing. Sasuke only sees it because Itachi is his brother, and Sasuke knows everything there is to know about him. 

“Otouto ,” Itachi starts. Sasuke can already tell this won’t be good. Itachi looks too gentle. He hates when his brother gets like this. “I can’t come today.” 

Sasuke huffs. “Why not?”

Itachi looks over into the kitchen, like the answer was in one of the cupboards, and he was trying to remember which one. “I….” His eyes, somehow a flatter shade of black than they were, finally meet Sasuke’s own. “Have some things to help Okaa-sama with. Here. At home. Now.” 

Itachi may be a genius-level shinobi, but he’s still a fourteen-year-old who can’t lie to his brother. But Itachi doesn’t lie very often, so Sasuke lets him off the hook. Just this once. He could do without waiting for the cootie-inducing nightmare that is onii - san and Shisui-oniisan flirting today, anyway. 

“Fine!” Sasuke waves him off, finally managing to tie the straps of his sandal. “I’ll be back later.” He waits for the routine forehead-tap, eyes closed, then skips out of the house. 

Surprisingly, when Sasuke reaches the clearing and sees Shisui resting against a training post and Izumi draped inelegantly off a felled log, neither looks surprised at all to see him without his older brother. Or maybe they’re just such good shinobi they hide it perfectly, Sasuke thinks. Maybe that’s a part of the sharingan they don’t talk about. Maybe everybody just knows everything about everybody. That would explain how Okaa-sama always knows when I’m stealing food from the kitchen. (Sasuke doesn’t yet know about the wonders of seals, and how Mikoto Uchiha made sure she was alerted every time either one of her boys tried to sate their sweet tooths before they had dinner. Privately, Mikoto would rather her boys be a little scared of her just a little longer.) 

“Onii-san couldn’t come today,” he states unnecessarily once he reaches them. He could’ve shouted, certainly, but as much as he liked teasing his older brother, he wasn’t sure this was something he wanted to draw unnecessary attention towards. 

“Hnnnnnn.” Izumi looks over at Shisui. “Training will look a little different today.” 

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Like you ever do anything except make googly-eyes at Onii-san, Izumi-oneesan. What are you planning on doing now, anyway?” 

Izumi flushes a deep red while Shisui huffs an indulgent laugh. “I care about my training too, brat! At least one of us has awakened our sharingan!”

Shisui looks like he’s about to interject, but Sasuke does first. “I’m getting on just fine without them, baka! I’m in the top of my academy class! And I’m still YOUNG! It doesn’t make sense that I’d have it yet! Maybe you’d know that if you weren’t always up my onii-san’s butt!” 

“Ooh, so akachan-Sasuke finally admits he’s young , huh?” Izumi sticks her tongue out. “BABY, BABY!”

“Kids, please .” Shisui pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re both very smart and capable shinobi. Especially at both your ages. Sasuke, Izumi is here to train. Izumi, don’t provoke Sasuke.” 

For all their bickering, both kids knew that when Shisui-oniisan put his foot down, it was time to focus. They couldn’t embarrass themselves in front of him, after all. 

“Right,” Shisui claps his hands together with an air of finality, “Let’s begin. Sasuke, you’ll be working on your weaponry today, because you won’t need a partner. Izumi, we’ll be doing taijutsu. An hour without sharingan, then a half-hour with. Understand?” 

He needn’t have worried. Both kids were in position and getting ready before Shisui had even finished speaking. 

“Kunai at the ready, Sasuke.” Shisui lifted his hand into the seal of confrontation. “Let’s begin, Izumi.” 

Another week passes, and Itachi keeps offering weak excuses to get out of “sparring” (hanging out) with Shisui and Izumi, until one day, Sasuke wheedles him down. 

“Onii-san, I’m not stupid. Okaa-sama already made dinner yesterday. We’re having leftovers tonight.” 

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Itachi staunchly avoided his younger brother's arched brow and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I meant. Otou-sama asked me to help him. With, uh. Some filing tonight.” 

Sasuke crosses his arms. “Otou-sama has been off work this week. Which is why he’s been home. Try again.” 

Itachi reddens. Sasuke can’t even claim the victory because, frankly, he’s more concerned about why his brother keeps lying to him. “Right. Um, sorry. It’s–”

Sasuke doesn’t let him finish. “Onii-san. Please. Clearly you don’t want to see Shisui-oniisan and Izumi-oneesan anymore. Why? Did something happen?” His eyes begin to lighten with the prospect of drama. “Did Izumi-oneesan confess, and you feel awkward around her? Because the first time you didn’t show up she looked so weird about it, Onii-san, I should’ve told you, it was so funny– wait! What if it was Shisui-oniisan? Did one of you finally confess? Was it weird? Do you feel weird? Wait, are you sneaking around because you don’t want to do grown up things in front of me? Onii-san, that’s DISGUSTING! EW! Or is it so you don’t make Izumi-oneesan upset? If it is, I don’t care. Do it! It would be funny! And she’d stop being annoying! Actually please, Onii-san, PLEASE do icky grown up things in front of her! Just tell me beforehand so I can leave and throw up somewhere because seeing you and Shisui-oniisan would be so gross, but please, please, PLEASE–” 

“SASUKE!” Itachi looks like a fish out of water. Flushed a rich red down past his neck and opening and closing his mouth repeatedly, he starts scrambling for purchase. “It’s not! It’s not that– Sasuke, it’s not– oh gods,” his eyes widen, “What do you think is happening between me and Shisui-oniisan? Oh gods, oh gods, don’t answer that… this is so….  No…. No! No!,” He says, mostly to himself. Then, “No, Sasuke… That isn’t it. No. Oh my…. No. No. ” Itachi puts his head in his hands. It’s truly a unique kind of humiliation for your younger brother half your age to not only call out the crush that you perceived to be entirely undetectable, but also imply the two of you were doing… things … When that couldn’t be further from the truth. Unfortunately. No! Itachi shakes his head, still cradled in his palms. Back on track! Back on track! This is so embarrassing ! Back on track! He groans when he distantly hears Sasuke snickering. They don’t train you for this at the Academy. 

“Well!” Sasuke stomps his foot and forces Itachi to lift his head and look at him. He crosses his arms indignantly. “Are you going to tell me the truth, onii-san, or are you going to keep saying no no no no no for no reason?” Itachi whimpers a bit. “ONII-SAN!”

Itachi takes a deep breath and knocks his fingers into his younger brother’s forehead affectionately. If he does it so Sasuke takes a step back from him and unknowingly gives him an extra second of respite, Sasuke doesn’t have to know. Itachi looks around furtively down the hall and crouches a bit, just to make absolutely sure he can be as quiet as he possibly can be. To his credit, Sasuke seems to understand there’s a gravity to Itachi’s behavior at the moment, and doesn’t tease him as he usually would for his overabundance of caution. 

“Otouto, listen.” Itachi takes another breath and steels himself. It’s not as if Sasuke wasn’t allowed to know, but saying it aloud sealed his fate. Made what his grandmother told him in that bamboo room not too long ago real. Made him remember how close he had been to ruin. What made him sacrifice his status in the family for this . For Sasuke. 

Right, Sasuke. Who looks as concerned as a seven-year-old possibly could at this moment. “I’m not… technically allowed to see anybody apart from the family right now. I’m only allowed out on patrol when Otou-sama needs me, and on missions, because Hokage-sama assigns me. But I have to stay home otherwise.” 

Sasuke cocks his head to the side. “That’s stupid.” 

“Language, Otouto.” 

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true, Onii-san.”

Itachi huffs a laugh. “I suppose.”

“Why not? You haven’t done anything, right?” 

That was the crux of it. Of Itachi’s confusion, hidden too well by deference, as well. 

“Yes… I suppose I really didn’t do anything.” 

“Did the Hokage order you?”

“Hokage-sama , Sasuke.” Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Manners.” 

“Sorry, sorry. But did she?”

“... No. Obaa-sama did.” 

“Why?”

“Because… Because. ” Itachi shrugs.

Sasuke looks at Itachi like he’s stupid. Maybe I am, he thinks. “But…. you didn’t do anything, right?” He says slowly. 

“Yes, that is… true.” 

“And were you supposed to have done something?” 

Itachi thinks how he can answer that as simply as possible. It was an unknowingly loaded question. “... No.” 

Sasuke huffs. “Onii-san, so you’re getting punished because you literally didn’t do anything wrong? And you’re letting them? ” 

Even Itachi had to admit it sounded a little stupid when Sasuke put it like that. Leave it to him to be mentally bested by his kid brother. 

Sasuke deflates a little when he sees the defeated look on his older brother’s face, then quickly perks up again. 

“Onii-san, you don’t have a mission tonight do you?” 

Itachi had no idea where Sasuke was going with this, but he already wasn’t sure if he liked it. “No.”

“And does Otou-sama have a shift tonight?” Sasuke already knew the answer, but he likes the drama a bit. Sue him. He’s seven.

“...No.” 

“So Otou-sama and Okaa-sama will sleep in early tonight, right?”

Itachi feels his heart rate increase, just barely. “Yes,” he says, and the word leaves him in a rush. 

Sasuke smiles. It’s different from his normal, full-cheeked one. It’s new, a bit reserved, a bit cheeky, a bit sneaky. A bit more Uchiha. Itachi’s not sure if he likes it, or isn’t just a little bit afraid of it. Sasuke stands up a bit straighter. “I’m going to tell Shisui-oniisan and Izumi-oneesan that I want to train extra hard today, but need to come back home for dinner. I’m going to ask them if they can please come train with me again tonight, but maybe not immediately after dinner because, well, you know how Okaa-sama gets about family time.” He moves to sit at the edge of the genkan and puts his sandals on, then looks back at Itachi with a loaded gaze. “Does that sound good?” 

His brother huffs around a clandestine smile. It’s silly, but he feels lighter than he can remember being in the past few weeks. “Yes, Otouto, that sounds fine.” He walks forward to give Sasuke’s forehead another affectionate nudge before offering a hand to get up. “Have fun at training. I’ll be here.” 

As Itachi turns and heads back into the main house, he lets himself be a little proud of the rebellious streak that seems to run in his younger brother. And a little excited, too. 

Unbeknownst to him, Mikoto and Fugaku look at each other as they sip tea in the living room. They smile. 

A half-moon hangs low in the sky as Sasuke is carried on Itachi’s back. It was silly, Itachi knew, but he wanted to make sure he was in as little plain sight as possible as they headed towards the training ground. It was less out of concern for himself than for his parents, who would surely get the brunt of the elders’ disapproval for Itachi’s act of defiance. Sasuke couldn’t find it in himself to complain. He loved getting toted around. 

And in a flash, they were there. To maintain an abundance of caution, Itachi stays at the edge of the clearing, still holding onto Sasuke. He takes a kunai and whips it at the tree farthest from the right. It would be a completely innocuous gesture to anybody else, just somebody turning up for practice, but Itachi knows Shisui, and knows that Shisui will know the kunai is in the exact spot where the two of them first began training. Where the two of them began…. This . Friendship (or not-quite-friendship). 

One second ticks by. Then two. And finally, Itachi sees the light reflecting off of Shisui’s curly hair, and steps forward. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Shisui smiles coyly at the brothers. “Thought I’d never get around to seeing you again, Itachi.” 

Itachi doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the easy way his given name falls off of Shisui’s lips. Formality is a deeply-held value for the Uchihas. More than that, Itachi has used it as a crutch his entire life as a way of hiding the truth of his own awkwardness. But when Shisui says his name, Itachi feels like he has a friend. An equal . And he’d have to be forced to refer to Shisui in the same way, especially as Shisui was a full three years his senior, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the sound of his name devoid of any honorifics. 

“Sasuke helped. This was all his idea, wasn’t it, Otouto?”

Taking his cue, Sasuke gleefully leaps from his brother’s back and runs up to Shisui. “Shisui-oniisan, tell Onii-san you agree with me! Come on!” 

Shisui looks over at Itachi and gives him a private sort of smile. “He’s right, you know.”

Itachi feels his cheeks warm for the umpteenth time that night. “It seems so.” He looked around the clearing again, partially out of an abundance of caution, and partially because– “Where is Izumi?”

“Here!” Her voice floated down from a bit away. She sounded a bit out of breath as she dropped out of the trees in front of the small group. “Sorry, my mother wanted my help around the house, and I didn’t want to leave her alone before she went to sleep.” 

Sasuke inclines his head from where he stands next to Itachi in acknowledgement. Her excuse stands, for today at least. Ugh. At least I got a few minutes without her being all gross again .

There’s a moment of floundering now that all of them are together— they didn’t really have a goal here, apart from getting Itachi out of the house. And now that he is, and with barely any resistance to boot, Everybody seems a bit confused. 

Thankfully, Shisui takes the lead. He always does. “I seem to recall Itachi having missed quite a few training sessions over this past week. Isn’t that right?”’

“Totally! Can you even shunshin anymore, Itachi-san?” Izumi pipes up. 

Itachi knows she’s just teasing, but he finds himself getting defensive anyway. “It’s only been around a week, Izumi-san, please!” 

“Stop, stop. You didn’t let me finish.” Shisui crouches conspiratorially and looks up at Itachi’s face. “The kid genius needs to catch up on training, so we can do one really long training session, if that’s what he wants.” He knows nobody does, and he banks on the way Sasuke groans dramatically. “But it seems like that might be a bit boring. So why don’t we make things a little more fun for all of us?” He looks around at Itachi’s eyes, wide, and the excitement on Sasuke and Izumi’s faces— and pulls out two small bell charms. 

Thanks for the idea, Obito-chan. 

He tosses one charm to Itachi, who easily catches it, and looks to the kids. “Right. Both Itachi and I have one bell. To win, you need to get both of our bells, and you can use whatever methods you want. Work together or separately, I don’t care.” And because Shisui is not only nice, but also exceedingly cognizant of the ability difference between himself, Itachi, and two kids half their age, he adds, “And Itachi and I will be limited entirely to taijutsu. You have until the sun rises. Sounds good?”

Izumi and Sasuke look at each other, eyes bright. I don’t understand how people are shocked at our fire affinities , Shisui muses. Look at them. 

The group of four moves to the center of the clearing. Sasuke and Izumi do a quick “huddle” while Shisui and Itachi make a big show of affixing their bells to their front belt loops— “for easy access,” Shisui jokes. Itachi warms again and makes a gagging noise. 

As the children separate, so too do the teens. 

“Ready?” Itachi asks, raising his hand into the seal of confrontation. 

“Ready,” Sasuke replies, fixing his stance. 

There was a flurry of leaves, and they were off. 

After only a few weeks with the new strays in tow, Kakashi finds himself growing used to accommodating for the extra mouths to feed. Sure, Sai and Tenzo eat far more than Naruto did back when the baby was in his and Gai’s care, but Sai and Tenzo also have the miraculous ability to go to the bathroom by themselves. Kakashi thinks it’s a fair trade, generally speaking. The four of them and Gai have established a pretty standard routine, and for all his griping about how he hated company and how much he hated the idea of moving back into the Hatake compound,, Kakashi couldn’t find it in himself to mind that there were finally overlapping voices and propped up feet in his home.

Every morning, Gai wakes Kakashi up at dawn so they can pick up Genma to do their morning training (read: gossip about the kids where nobody can hear them). They catch up while they do fifty laps around the village: ten normally, ten on their hands, ten backwards, ten where Gai carries Kakashi, and ten where Gai carries Genma. Neither Genma nor Kakashi bring up the fact that this means the two of them are only doing forty laps. 

Then they head back to the compound, shower, and wake up Sai and Tenzo. Sai is often already up and doodling in his pocket notebook. Kakashi, Genma, and Gai have talked extensively about what they think he draws (and potentially have bets, as well), but nobody wants to invade his privacy. All shinobi have secrets, after all. Gai shepherds some of the group  into helping make breakfast, normally just eggs, rice, and a side, while the remainder set the table and put the kettle on. Both Sai and Tenzo have outgrown the Academy, but Kakashi and Gai insist they eat lunch with kids their own age, so they spend the meal catching the adults up on what should be the students’ lives, but ends up mainly being what Iruka-sensei ate for lunch the day prior. 

Everybody cleans up, then heads to the back of the compound for training. If somebody is summoned for a mission, the other two pick up the slack. Tenzo is slowly getting over his over-reliance on his kekkei genkai, and Sai is beginning to understand the concept of fighting in teams. Kakashi hates how soft he’s gotten, but he’s proud of his boys. 

As the sun sets, everybody makes dinner together. Sometimes, when Genma is over, he’ll bring dessert with him. And on those days, usually, Naruto, and Sasuke often come over, too. Granny— sorry, sorry, Hokage-sama — will usually make a big deal out of leaving her charge with three so-called idiots for the night, but everybody knows it’s just for show. She’ll kiss Naruto on the forehead and lightly slap the back of everybody else’s head before she leaves, and if it’s been a really good day, she’ll sometimes smile as she does it. Itachi will be overly polite to make up for Sasuke running in to hug Naruto and immediately make a mess out of the kitchen. Then. Itachi will offer to help with dinner, be vehemently refused, and head home. 

The trio (that is, Kakashi, Gai, and Genma) all decide to let Sai and Tenzo acclimate a little more to the village before introducing Naruto to them, so they’ll Sai and Yamato lounge around the compound, drawing or reading, while the kids run around the kitchen and living room. Naruto doesn’t know any better, and Sai and Yamato, accustomed to being left alone, feel completely ambivalent about it, as long as they get dinner. Sometimes Naruto sleeps over, and sometimes Naruto insists Sasuke sleepover too— and on those days, Sai and Tenzo get to know Konoha a little more, zipping through the trees and picking up dinner and random shops to share. Once the kids are all put down, Kakashi, Gai, and Genma do their night sparring, wash up, sleep, and do it all again the next day. It’s…. Kind of perfect. 

Today is one of the days where the kids are due over, and Genma finds himself wondering if he should’ve insisted on buying more at the market earlier. Gai and Kakashi really do suck the energy out of the room, sometimes, he thinks. But it’s not their fault, and…. He surveys the spread of ingredients in front of him, I think I have just enough. Plus, I can always ask Sai and Tenzo to pick up Ichiraku instead. 

He hears the door open, and a delighted voice yelling “KAKA-NII! GAI-NII!” into the compound, and knows the Hokage has brought Naruto home. Trusting that at this point, she’ll forgive him for prioritizing getting the food prepared as fast as possible over going out of his way to greet her, he calls out a hasty hello while he chops up some chives. 

He hears the telltale thudding of Naruto’s jumpy gait down the hall and into the kitchen. “GENMA-NII!” He yells. Genma knows he doesn’t mean to yell, his voice is just loud, but gods , he packs a punch. “I’m here!” 

Genma gives the chives some respite as he turns to wrap his hands around his kinda-sorta-adopted-god-child. “Hey squirt,” he gives Naruto a noogie, “How are ya? Tsunade been keeping ya healthy?” 

Still squeezing Genma, Naruto pouts. “I only get Ichiraku once a week! Teuchi-san and Ayame-san always give me extra to take home, so it’s okay, but still! I want more ramen!” 

Over Naruto’s head, Genma makes eye contact with his Hokage and nods in greeting. “Hey now, you know that’s not healthy. And you still get a treat pretty often! You’re gonna grow into a big strong guy now, aren’t ya?” 

Naruto finally releases Genma, but only to plant his fists on his hips and puff his chest up. God, Gai needs to spend less time with this kid, huh. “UH HUH! Baa-chan is making sure I’m doing as good as I can so I can be just like my parents, believe it!” 

Kakashi and Gai make their way to the kitchen just in time to stop Genma from laughing at Tsunade’s face when Naruto calls her “Baa-chan.” All that effort to keep her looking young, and she still gets called grandma by her adopted kid. Ah, life still has surprises. 

“Naruto, indoor voice!” Tsunade shakes her head in what, Genma thinks, is her impression of a stern parent. Privately, she looks a bit like a horse trying to get a fly out of its face. She must not do that often. Consumed with the sudden urge to snort— or worse, giggle — Genma turns back to the chives and hopes his face doesn’t give anything away. 

“Sorry, Obaa-chan.” 

“It’s alright. Now go wash your hands and help Genma-nii make dinner, or you won’t be eating.” She turns to the three twenty-somethings. “When is the Uchiha brat getting here? I wanna make sure I get the hell out of here before he does.” She grimaces. “The two of them together…”

Kakashi sighs. “We know. But that’s how kids are supposed to be, I guess. Better loud and messy than lonely and quiet, I say. I mean, look at Sai.” 

Tsunade hums. “Look at you, too, Hound. Looks like having some life around you really did do you some good.” 

“That being said, Hokage-sama, we don’t really know when Sasuke will be here!” Gai interjects, returning them to the point of their discussion before Kakashi zones out, or worse, gets emotional. “Although they are a bit boisterous, I am quite glad they’ve found each other at the Academy! Let the powerful blood of competition and manly rivalry pump through their veins and fuel their nindo!” 

“...Right. You really won’t ever change, will you?”

Gai hits her with his patented double-thumbs-up. “Probably not, Hokage-sama!”

Genma snorts into his vegetables. “Hey, kid, wash your hands and help me make some rice. You know where the cooker is, don’tcha?” 

“Yessir! I’ll make the best rice ever, believe it!”

“I think I made a huge mistake telling him about his mother.”

“Nah, good to have the reminder, I think. He’s a lot more Kushina-san already, anyway. He’s only Minato-senpai’s in hair and eyes, so why not lean into it?” Genma mouths around his senbon. 

“Baba must have been the hottest guy in the village! People probably stared at him all the time just like he did me!” 

Gai immediately jumps in. “He was indeed, my little shinobi! And they came up to him all the time and did this too!” He ruffles Naruto’s hair so aggressively he almost falls off the stool he’s working the rice cooker on. 

Genma was about to feel bad for him, and then he remembers Naruto is effectively the child of not one, but two Hokages. There are probably a million other reasons why people stare at him. Like his obnoxious hair. Or the fact that he’s loud as shit. Well, better than the alternative, so not all bad. 

Then, like a miracle to save them from the obligation of further conversation, They hear another knock at the door.

“SASUKE!” Naruto bounds towards the door, knocking over the stool he was cooking rice on in the process. 

“This fucking kid, I swear,” Tsunade rolls her eyes. “Well, that’s my cue, I guess.”

“Hokage-sama, are you sure you won’t stay for dinner? We certainly have the space—”

“No you don’t.” 

“No we don’t.” 

“Hokage-sama, Kakashi! We are a family! Let us act like one!”

“I actually do have work I need to get done. I was kind of counting on the twerp being out of the house for the night to get some work done…. Andpossiblythenextdaytoo?” 

Whatever probably foul thing that was about to come out of Kakashi’s mouth is yet again conveniently cut off by Naruto and Sasuke stumbling on, trying and failing to simultaneously put each other in a headlock and come back to the kitchen. Itachi trails behind them, seemingly unbothered. 

“Good evening, Hokage-sama, Kakashi-senpai,  Gai-senpai, Genma-senpai,” he bows to everybody in turn. “I leave Sasuke in your care tonight. Is there any way I can help with dinner before I go back home?” 

“Dude, stop bowing to me. I’m like… not that much older than you. And no, I don’t need any help. You’re more than welcome to stay and eat though, if you want.” 

Itachi’s response is like clockwork. “Thank you so much, Genma-senpai, but I couldn’t. I really should be getting home. I’ll see myself out.”

“Nonsense!” Gai easily sidesteps Naruto and Sasuke, who are currently in the process of accidentally destroying a chair by using it as a block for their kicks. “There will be no seeing yourself out in our house! Come! If Hokage-sama is leaving, Kakashi and I will walk you both to the door. Let’s go!” 

Kakashi and Tsunade grumble something in the affirmative that probably means “I don’t want to listen to the guy in the green jumpsuit, but he’s right,” and make for the front door, leaving Genma to cook and make sure the pair of seven-year-olds don’t accidentally destroy the house and each other in the process. 

At the door, Tsunade gives one final, “He’s hurt, and you die,” look, customary for her, and shunshins away, leaving Gai and Kakashi standing awkwardly with Itachi. 

Surprisingly, it’s Itachi who speaks first. “Thank you both again, and Genma-senpai, for leaving my brother in your care. He really enjoys spending time with Naruto, and I hope they stay good friends. It’s nice to see him so happy.”

“Geez, you sound like his mother, kid,” Kakashi says. “Lighten up a bit.”

“He’s right, Itachi! Sasuke is welcome here anytime, just as you are! You forget you are also a child of Konoha!” 

Itachi looks incredulous. “Right.” He fidgets a bit, which immediately makes Kakashi nervous, because Itachi doesn’t fidget. Itachi is a kid soldier. Until just now, frankly, Kakashi had no idea Itachi had any concept of fidgeting at all. “Kakashi-senpai… I have a question. About, um…” He looks supremely uncomfortable, and remembers what Sasuke had told him a few weeks ago about how bad he was at lying, and decides to cut his losses. “CanIstarttrainingwithyou?”

“What was that, kid?” Kakashi knew exactly what he’d said, but hell. Seeing Itachi squirm was a bit entertaining. Sue him. 

“Um…. May I…. start training with you?” 

Kakashi’s visible brow arches. “Why would ya wanna do that? Aren’t you  more than set with ANBU?” Gai shoots him a look that says,  Dude. Kakashi shoots one back that says let me have this. 

“I… have been relieved of my duties, and I find that training by myself can only get me so far. I figured… since you were also ANBU, I wouldn’t be bound to secrecy with you, and we could train farther away so I wouldn’t… you know… disturb.” 

“Disturb what?” Kakashi blurts before Gai could level him with another look. Itachi breaks eye contact for a second to do a quick survey of their surroundings. “We’re in my compound. I have privacy seals. You know that, or you wouldn’t have asked. Come on.”

Itachi sighs something heavy, and Kakashi would be remiss if he didn’t notice that it was reminiscent of his own attitude just a few years ago. “I’m not technically allowed to train according to the clan elders, but I don’t agree with their decision. I did nothing wrong! In fact, I did the right thing … I don’t know why I’m getting punished except to make an example out of me. I don’t… I don’t get it.”

“You want my help disobeying your clan elders?”

“...Yes.” Itachi meets Kakashi’s gaze again. 

Kakashi shrugs. “Alright.” 

Itachi’s eyes look like they might bug out of his head. This is pretty funny. Maybe him having to spend all that time at home with Sasuke is making him more expressive. “Really?”

“Yeah, why not? I’ve got two other kids to train already, so it won’t be one on one, and it’ll probably be good for all three of you to have regular human interaction, anyway.”

“You mean… Naruto and Sasuke?”

Gai grins. “Nope! You’ll see when you meet them. Tomorrow at dawn, training ground five!”

“Thank you so much, Kakashi-senpai, Gai-senpai! To be honest, I didn’t expect you to say yes at all.”

“We can tell. Now if you’re not going to eat our food, scram. Genma’s still cooking and I don’t want to see how much of the house the kids have destroyed.”

“I’m glad you asked us for help, Itachi,” Gai offers. 

Itachi, true to form, flushes a deep red and nods before disappearing. 

There’s a pause. “I’m glad you said yes.”

Kakashi looks as confused as he can with only one eye showing. “Why?”

Gai hums. “I’m just glad you’re deciding to let more people in. People that aren’t me and Genma and Naruto.” 

“Naruto doesn’t count, he’s seven .”

“And, as you’ve said, remarkably astute for a child!”

“Well, that’s irrelevant.”

Gai laughs at that. “Come on, Kakashi. Let’s make sure our kids haven’t destroyed the compound.” He beams at Kakashi and flashes a thumbs up. “I’m proud of you!” He practically skips back into the house. 

Kakashi is suddenly glad there’s a mask covering his face, because it’s red. “Coming.” 

Chapter Text

“Lord Hokage!”

“Yes?” Tsunade stands up from behind the stacks of paperwork  on her desk, blonde head just peeking above the top.  “What is it, some new outrage by Naruto, I presume?”

“That young devil is graffiting the mountainside images of all the heroes of our village— your honored forebears!” 

“IN PAINT!” The two shinobi are still panting at the entrance to the Hokage’s office, so overcome with anger that they forgot they could’ve just shunshined in instead of running all the way up the stairs. 

On the other side of town, a crowd had gathered beneath the Hokage monument, where Naruto had managed to fashion a rope into a harness. 

“NARUTO, GET DOWN FROM THERE!” 

“ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID PRANKS!” 

“YOU’RE DEAD WHEN THEY CATCH YOU, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?!” 

And with them stood a Gai (“MY BELOVED NARUTO! PLEASE GET DOWN AND GO BACK TO CLASS!”), a Genma (“KID, YOU CAN GIVE YOUR DAD A DYE JOB AFTER SCHOOL, COME ON,”) and a Kakashi (who was saying nothing, but was relishing at not being the one yelled at, for a change). 

Naruto turns around with a rather impressive show of dexterity for a twelve year old, revealing the Fourth Hokage’s red hair and mustache. “LOOOOOOOSERS! WANNABES! YOU DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DO SOMETHING THIS FUNNY!”  

Tsunade walks out onto the balcony that faces the monuments amidst cries of the Tower’s staff. Immediately, the volume begins to die down. Even without the traditional robe and hat, every shinobi in Konoha understands the power the Fifth Hokage’s presence carries. 

And striding to meet her at the balcony railing is Iruka. “Hokage-sama… I can’t apologize enough.”

Tsunade waves him off. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But it’s distracting the other students, too! I can’t keep letting him drag them out like this!”

“Iruka.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama?”

“What’s the time?”

“... Twelve-thirty, Hokage-sama.”

“Right. So that would be lunchtime at the Academy, am I correct?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama…. Why?”

“Were you planning on making the students do more work during lunch? Because I was under the impression this was their break. Their only break till evening, actually.” 

“Well, yes, Hokage-sama.” 

“So why are you worried about him distracting the other students?”

“Well, I—” Iruka trails off. “It just seemed improper, Hokage-sama,” he finishes sheepishly. “But, aren’t you being a little soft on him? People shouldn’t see the Hokage’s son getting special treatment.”

Tsunade smirks. “Oh, rest assured, he will not be receiving any kind of special treatment from me this evening. But I don’t think you should publicly reprimand him. It’s lunchtime, and the kids probably needed some fresh air. I mean look,” she gestured flippantly at the students, “I don’t think I’ve seen the Hyuga girl laugh like that since her dad got his hair caught on a chair during a clan meeting.” Iruka smiles, but only slightly. “Kid, I know teaching at the Academy means a lot to you, and you don’t want Naruto extending the break so his classmates have discipline. I get it. He’s loud, and brash, and is way too good at getting himself up in high places without using concentrated chakra.”

Iruka chuckles. “Seriously, I’m not sure how he does it.” 

“It’ll be the boys who helped raise him, that’s for sure. You put practically two ex-ANBU, a tokubetsu jounin, and the possessor of the Eight Gates…. The kid was gonna be a demon whether or not he had the Kyuubi sealed in him. But he’ll be done before lunchtime is over, don’t worry.”

“How do you know that?”

Tsunade arches a well-manicured brow. “Because I raised him, idiot.” 

And true to her word, Naruto finishes off the Fourth’s right mustache curl with a flourish, and deftly flips himself over to the top of the monument from the rope. 

“Hi Kaa-chan!” He calls from the top of his father’s head. “Look, now he’s a real Uzumaki!”

That startles a chuckle out of everybody, even Iruka. 

“I told you, my kid is loud and he likes attention, but he’s not stupid.” She turns to Naruto. “Hey kid! Nice going. But go back to class, because if I hear you’re making your classmates late, I’m giving you bok choy for dinner. Understood?”

Naruto refits his goggles over his eyes. “Yes ma’am!” He hops over to the balcony, wraps his arms around Tsunade in a cursory hug, and grins shamelessly up at his teacher. “It was break, Sensei! I wasn’t just gonna sit around.” 

“Idiot,” Iruka chuffs. "Come on, let’s go. Hop on my back and we’ll shunshin downstairs."

Naruto is greeted by a bunch of overly-exasperated shinobi elders, some of whom are legitimately angry, and their amused younger counterparts. His classmates, though, are now getting a kick off of Namikaze Minato’s mustache dripping into more of a patchy goatee due to the excess paint. Naruto hops off his sensei’s back and weaves through the crowd, trying his best to avoid the older shinobi and civilians who glare at him or spit on him or trip him. He glances up, and Tsunade’s blonde locks have already gone back inside the tower. No luck for me this time, Naruto thinks. He aims for speed over surprise, and figures running as fast as possible through the crowd, as low to the ground as he could possibly get, would elicit the least troubling responses. He’s almost at the edge of the crowd when he sees a drop of spit drip down over his glasses. Gross. 

Thankfully, he makes it to his friends with no other visible signs of hatred from the villagers, wiping his goggle lens in what he hopes looks like a casual sweep of the forehead with his sleeve. 

“You like it guys? Funny and informative!”

Sasuke wraps the top of his head sharply. “OW! Baka, what was that for?!” 

“For being a dumbass, Usuratonkachi. You’re gonna make us late for taijutsu practice.” 

Naruto rolls his eyes, putting his goggles back on his forehead. “Riiiight, like the pride of the Uchiha clan has no other ways to practice taijutsu. And Itachi-nii and Shisui-nii and Izume-neechan have all fucked off, have they?”

That earns him a whack to the back of his head. “Language, baka!” Sakura hisses through her teeth. “Also, you know your dad wasn’t actually an Uzumaki. His name was Namikaze!” 

Naruto fixed her with a glare. “Are you asking me if I know who my dad was?” Sakura withers. “Yeah. Exactly. Plus, it doesn’t matter. I’m an Uzumaki, my mother was an Uzumaki, and my dad is one of us! He’s an Uzumaki, believe it!” 

“Yeah yeah, alright dummy. Doesn’t change the fact that your mustache was sloppy!” 

“Shut up, Ino!”

Ears perking at the Ino-bashing, Shikamaru and Choji catch up to the little group forming. Shikamaru flicks Ino’s ear from where she stands on the other side of Sakura just for the snarky reaction, and Choji does what he always does— offer the gang some chips. 

Sakura huffs. “Regardless! You’re the Hokage’s son! You should set a good example for the rest of the village!” 

“Yeah right. Nobody gives a damn about the image I’m projecting as long as I’ve got this monster in my chest. I mean, you saw the shopkeeper try to spit on me on the way down, right?” 

Sasuke’s face darkens. “Yeah. I’m telling you, Naruto, My dad’s been asking me if you want us to get the police on it for ages… You say the word, and they’re all gone.” 

Naruto rolls his eyes. “Right, and tattling on the bully always works.” Then, realizing a bit too late he’d been too honest, he adds, “Plus, I’d never want help from you, baka!” He sticks his tongue out at Sasuke, who tries to grab it between his fingers. Naruto yelps. 

“I hate you too, dobe. Also, my mom wanted me to tell you to come over for dinner tonight.” 

Naruto immediately perks up (as he is wont to do). “Oh yay! I love Mikoto-obachan’s cooking! But also boo and I hate you and I hate being around you and YOU SUCK and we better be having ramen!”

Sasuke puts Naruto in a headlock, which is impressive considering they’re all still walking to the Academy. “Shut up, dobe! I’m going to uninvite you!”

“Nonononono I’m sorry I’m sorry! I need to ask Shisui-nii how to do this headlock thing because it’s really working, so I have to come!”

“Hn. We’re having curry. Bring some vegetables.”

“Gods, now that we’re done with whatever that was, can we get back to the other bit of insanity we just mentioned?” Sakura butts in. “We all know you’re friends, you can stop this idiotic charade. I expected this from you, Naruto, but Sasuke-kun, come on!”

Choji hums around a handful of chips. “Don’t try to understand their relationship. It’s a manner between men,” he intones. 

“What he’s trying to say is that their stupidity knows no rational bounds. Leave ‘em be. But yeah, let’s get back to the main issue here.”

“You know none of our parents like it, Naruto, come on, you wouldn’t be alone in this,” Choji offers. 

“Guys, it doesn’t matter,” Naruto tries his best to sound casual as he unwraps himself from Sasuke’s headlock. “I heard I’m treated way better than the jinchuurikis in other villages. Plus, it’s not like Mizuki’s stupid attitude is gonna change, anyway,” Naruto adds, muttering. “I mean, for a teacher he could really be less obvious about it. It’s not my fault the Kyuubi is in here, he knows that!”

“Mm… He does like to rough you up, doesn’t he?” 

“Ino, that’s putting it nicely. He’s terrible to you! How has nobody else complained yet?” Sakura puts her hands on her hips and puts on her most authoritative voice. “We could totally stage a rebellion!”

Shikamaru is too lazy to roll his eyes at her, but the thoroughly unimpressed look he gives her gets his point across perfectly. “Right, and as students, we could do what? Not show up to class? Iruka-sensei would just yell at us. You know how he gets about attendance. Plus he’d probably think it was another one of Naruto’s pranks. No offense, Naruto.” 

“None taken. This is exactly why we can’t do anything. Plus, look at who my mom is. It would be damn hard to prove anything. Also, it makes me feel like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Naruto!”

“Thanks, Choji.”

“Want a chip?” 

“Yeah, thanks.”

“He is a bit of an idiot…”

“Sakura!”

“Sakura- chan, come on! Don’t kick a fox while he’s down!”

“Sorry, sorry! You didn’t let me finish! I was gonna say just because you’re an idiot doesn’t mean you get to be treated like a second-class citizen! You’re still a shinobi! I mean, honestly, you should probably be getting the type of treatment Sasuke-kun gets!”

“From you, you mean?” Ino cuts in before she can stop herself.

“Way to be subtle, guys.”

Sasuke huffs out a laugh at that one, and Sakura blushes all the way down to her neck. 

“I mean— I mean, you know what I mean! Naruto, you’re the Hokage’s kid! Shouldn’t that scare them a little?”

Shikamaru puts his arms around the back of his head. “Not as much as the Kyuubi does.”

Naruto looks away awkwardly, and the rest of the group quiets on that thought as they approach the Academy. On the surface, it’s true Naruto leads one of the most privileged lives in the village. Living in the renovated Senju complex with the Hokage (who also happens to be the most powerful healer in the Hidden Villages), fraternizing with some of the most feared shinobi in the Land of Fire, and hanging around with the heirs to the most powerful shinobi clans with the most sought after kekkei genkai in Konoha daily makes for good entertainment and good training (even if it takes Naruto an extra second to catch on to the more intellectual pursuits). But it just makes the random acts of hatred when he’s alone harder to bear. They’re a reminder of what he really is. Or what people think he really is, anyway. You know, under all the ceremonies he sits through for his mother and the drills he does for his adopted brothers and the dinners he gets to have with clan heads. And all his friends have seen it. It’s embarrassing. He’s just a normal kid. Okay, fine, maybe not the most normal normal kid, but come on. He likes ramen and dango and cheap sparklers and spending time making jutsu that make it look like you’re a naked girl. He’s just a normal kid. 

And the shopkeeper from earlier doesn’t understand that. Or doesn’t want to. Or refuses to see that, for all the age and wisdom and ferocity and rage of the fox sealed inside him, Naruto isn’t that. Naruto is just a twelve-year-old boy. A twelve-year-old boy about to take a fat beating from Mizuki-sensei. 

Naruto runs his hands through his hair. “Dammit,” he mutters. 

Predictably, class with Mizuki-sensei is horrific. Naruto understands Konoha history, he does, his family has told him everything, so why does he start out the class getting publicly handed a zero? 

The old test paper has checks marked on every answer, answers Naruto knows are correct, answers he wrote with complete confidence. His writing is a little messy, sure, but history isn’t like chakra theory. History is real , it’s not just in those stupidly thick books Naruto can barely force himself through, but it’s in the conversations he’s had with Kaka-nii and Genma-nii, the forest in the back of the compound, the photo albums he’d found in the back of the Hokage tower and forced Tsunade to walk him through. It’s history. It’s why Naruto is who he is. Why he has the stupid Kyuubi sealed inside him, and, ironically, why Mizuki-sensei insists, no matter how hard he tries, on failing Naruto every time. And sure enough, when he looks up, he finds Mizuki looking at him from the corner of his eye and smirking. Ass. 

“Oi, Shika. Give me your paper.” He leans forward and taps the back of his friend’s shoulder. “C’mon.”

Shikamaru begrudgingly lifts himself off his folded arms on the desk, waking from a nap Naruto can’t help but notice Mizuki-sesei seemingly had no problem with. “... Again?” Naruto grumbles something in the affirmative. “That sucks dude. Here.” 

Sure enough, Shikamaru’s answers are nearly identical to Naruto’s. Shika’s writing is a little messier, probably because he couldn’t be bothered to write neatly and force his brain to slow down for his hand, but the mark at the top of the page speaks for itself, right there in red ink: one hundred. 

Naruto does a cursory check to the front and back of his own paper, then crumples it up. “Shika. Here.” 

Shikamaru takes the paper back and tears it up. 

“Shikamaru-kun! What are you doing!” 

“Doesn’t matter. Everybody knows these things don’t count to anything. It’s just the final exams, which you’ll pass anyway because the Hokage oversees them.” 

Naruto huffs. “Ugh, I guess so. Still pisses me off though. I can be pretty smart sometimes, believe it!”

“Some times. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”

“Sakura-chan! Didn’t we just talk about this? The whole ‘don’t kick a fox while he’s down’ thing? Do you remember that conversation? It was pretty recently, ya know!”

“If the shoe fits, dobe. Quit while you’re ahead.” Sasuke looks at the torn pieces of paper littering the desk by Naruto. “Or behind, I guess.”

Shikamaru snickers. 

“Oh, come ON!”

“Low hanging fruit. I expected better of you, Sasuke.”

“I don’t want to hear anything about my laziness from you, Nara.”’

“Fair enough.” Shikamaru makes sure Naruto is occupied telling Sakura off again for being undeservedly mean to him when he turns fully to Sasuke. “He’s doing the thing again, isn’t he.”

Sasuke glances away from Shikamaru’s desk to behind them, where Naruto was, for all intents and purposes, completely fine, and yelling at Sakura about her “relentless bullying” about his bad luck today. “Hn. He is. Too loud. Too much in the hands.”

“Ugh. I don’t want him turning up tomorrow with red eyes. It’ll be such a drag.”

“I’ll have to hear about it twice over. Maybe thrice.” 

Shika arches a brow. Thrice? 

“Onii-san, Kakashi-san.” 

“Right. I forgot you all train together.” 

“I wish I could.”

“We should deal with him. You’re getting dinner with him tonight, right?”

“Hn.”

“Make it ramen.”

“Shikamaru, I’m not telling my mother what to cook for dinner. Are you crazy?”

“She doesn’t even have to make it. Just ask what's-their-names to get take-out for him.”

“... Hn. Alright. Ugh.” Sasuke looks a bit like he’s swallowed a lemon. 

“Oi, Sasuke! What crawled up your hole and died?”

If possible, Sasuke’s face withers even more at the sound of Naruto’s voice. “You.” 

“WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU, IDIOT!”

“QUIET. QUIET RIGHT NOW.” Mizuki’s voice cuts through the students’ banter. “Uzumaki, if you don’t sit down and be quiet for the rest of the class, You’re staying late and writing lines.” He turns towards the rest of the class, but fixes his gaze on Naruto. “And for everybody who got less than 50 on the exam, your homework is to rewrite all your answers. Correctly.”

“But—”

Mizuki’s smile widens. “Every. Question. Am I clear?”

A miserable chorus of “Yes, Sensei—” echoes back. 

Once Mizuki turns his back to the board again, Sasuke opens his mouth and grumbles “Teuchi-san and Ayame-san,” Out of the side of his mouth. 

Shikamaru lifts his head from the pillow he’s made from his arms for what he thinks is the thousandth time in the last fifteen minutes. “Don’t look so constipated, you’ll get the fox to freak out again. Who?”

“Teuchi-san and Ayame-san,” Sasuke chokes out. “They run Ichiraku. Those are their names.”

Shikamaru smirks. He already knew that. Shit, Sasuke thinks. It’s not like Shikamaru would ever use that information against him, and everybody already knows, but every time Sasuke reveals he actually does give a damn what happens in his so-called rival’s life, he feels like a month gets chopped off the end of his. 

Shikamaru decides to string out his pain for just a little longer. “Oh,” he murmurs. “I guess I don’t spend a lot of time there. Do you? I thought your mom cooked most days of the week.” 

Sasuke fixes him with a glare he thinks Fukagu would be proud of and pointedly turns to look back at the black board. Shikamaru snickers. 

They sit through the rest of the class; Naruto counting down the seconds till he gets dismissed and gets to talk to Iruka-sensei about Mizuki’s latest act of literal adult bullying that remains a pain in his ass. 

And Iruka is great, he really is, Naruto thinks, because Iruka is the only thing standing in between him and quitting school. It’s not like Naruto couldn’t be taught as a pure clan kid, it’s not like Tsunade and Shizune couldn’t sit down and drill all the extra material into his head independently, but gods, it really withers away at a guy, ya know? There are only so many times I can let myself completely rewrite my test answers without me blowing up to Kaa-chan. And that will be crazy. I don’t want to use my own mother as a get-out-of-academic-jail-free card. That’s not fair. And it’s not cool, believe it! 

Naruto shakes himself out of his thoughts and finds himself standing in the doorway to the teachers office. Iruka-sensei is exactly where he always is, grading papers at his desk diligently, so engrossed in his work he doesn’t notice Naruto’s chakra in the room. 

“Oi! Sensei!”

Iruka jerks up and looks around. When his eyes find Naruto, something in his gaze softens. “Hi, Naruto. Exam day, huh?”

Naruto walks over to Iruka’s desk and plops down backwards on one of the spare chairs nearby, chin leaning onto the chair’s back. He kicks his feet around for a second, trying to find the words. Well, trying to find words that won’t make him cry. Like a loser. Which I’m not! Believe it!  

“Naruto?”

“..Mm. Yeah. Got it back.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.” Iruka leans a bit closer to get a better look at his student’s face. “Nothing changed?”

Naruto can’t find it in himself to meet Iruka’s gaze, so he looks stubbornly at the wall. “No,” he croaks out. “Zero again. And my answers were the same as Shika’s. And now I have to rewrite all my answers for homework. Every single one, he says, mimicking Mizuki’s voice. “Ass,” he mutters. 

“Naruto, you know you can’t use words like that to talk about your sensei. It’s not good.” Iruka leans forward a bit more and whispers, “But I agree with you on that one.”

That finally gets Naruto to crack a smile. “I just don’t know what more I can do,” he finally says, meeting Iruka’s gaze. “I’m good in class, I don’t complain, I don’t make a big deal… He’s a teacher, why is he treating me like civilians who don’t know better?”

“... Honestly, Naruto, I’m as lost as you. You’re right, he is an educator, and his job relies on treating his students equally. But he’s also not… the best person. You know what I think. Why don’t you talk to the Hokage about this? You know it’s part of her job, anyway.”

Naruto rolls his eyes. “And you know what I think, Iruka-sensei! I can’t be the outcast who tattles to his mommy about everything––” He catches Iruka’s expression, “–– I know she’s not my actual mother but you know what I mean! I’m not gonna chicken out, believe it!”

“Then you know what you have to do, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll stick it out through graduation. This sucks though! And I reserve the right to keep complaining about it!”

“Absolutely, you do. If you went quiet, I’d think you’d have been possessed, pun intended.”

“One, you know it’s not possession. Two, gross. Don’t they teach you better jokes at the sensei academy?”

“Afraid not, Fox-sama. You’ll have to deal with these ones. Or you can go back to dealing with Mizuki-sensei’s sense of humor, if you prefer?”

Naruto pouts. “Gross. Super gross. Gross on every level. Insanely gross.” He shakes his head like he’s trying to rid himself of the idea entirely, and changes the subject. “They better put me on the best genin team ever, believe it!”

Iruka smiles, not at all ingenuine. “I do.”

Naruto wishes he could say the rest of the year was easy. That Mizuki-sensei was an ass, but Naruto didn’t let it get to him. That he performed the henge with no issues, just like the rest of his classmates, and graduated without a fuss. But that would be lying. And, well, if he lied, he’d have no way of explaining to himself, Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-nii, or, for that matter, his mother, what he’s doing here in the clearing behind the Academy, about to pull a fast one on his teacher. 

Tsunade had come to supervise the Academy’s graduation late, as she was busy with a trade negotiation in Amegakure, so she wasn’t there to ground Naruto. Mizuki had immediately noticed, that prick, and made Naruto go first. And he kept talking over Naruto and laughing while he tried to do the henge. And Kakashi-nii was on patrol, and Iruka-sensei was teaching another class. And there was nobody in class who could do anything except watch, angrily, as Mizuki taunted him and prevented him from performing a singular simple jutsu he’d done many times before. And so Naruto had failed Academy graduation. And he would have to spend another year in this place, maybe even with Mizuki as his teacher again, without any of his friends. And Naruto would die before he lets that happen, believe it!

Thankfully, Tsunade had gone back to the Hokage tower that evening, grumbling about work and that Kakashi would be around to put him to bed if he wanted, so Naruto had free reign in the Senju compound to find exactly what he was looking for. Mizuki-sensei had been lecturing the class about it a few weeks ago while doing a lesson on the Warring States Period; apparently, the Scroll of Seals contains information about a slew of various jutsu and is hidden with the Hokage. And while Mizuki turned back to the board to jot something down, Naruto was lucky enough to hear him.

“Wish I could see what was inside. Wouldn’t be stuck teaching these brats if I could, anyway.”

The plan is simple. Almost too simple. Mizuki (that prick, Naruto will never get tired of tacking that on to the end of his name), had just handed him revenge on a silver platter. All Naruto had to do was find the scroll in his own home, plant it under Mizuki’s desk, and get him exiled. And while he was at it, he could even learn some of the jutsu! All without seeming like a monster or a tattle-tail. Gods, Naruto was such a genius. 

Finding and getting the scroll ends up being the easy part. The good thing about his mother being too busy to care about Naruto’s mischief most of the time is that she also implicitly trusts him to have good judgment, so the scroll isn’t actually hidden anywhere. It’s just in the library, in the back. So Naruto lugs it onto his back and runs to the forest behind the Academy, where he can actually sit and read the thing in peace without getting walked in on by Tsunade. Ugh, maybe I should’ve had Shika come and help me decipher this shit. Or Sasuke-teme. He could’ve at least brought Itachi-nii. Ugh, no, that would be stupid, I don’t want people knowing about this. Plus, he gripes to himself as he finally unfurls the scroll, settling in on the grass, I’m the Hokage’s kid, and I’m gonna be the next one! I can totally figure this out myself, believe it!

The more Naruto thinks about his exam earlier today, the more frustrated he gets. He knows he’s not entirely stupid, and he knows he has talents. So why can’t he just produce a singular henge like all his classmates? It doesn’t matter if Mizuki is being terrible to him! What’ll happen on a mission, on a battlefield? 

Naruto runs his hands through his hair and readjusts his goggles on his forehead. No use thinking about that now. He’s gotta get this done, and fast. 

He ends up getting so caught up in the scroll and practicing the jutsu that he forgets to keep paying attention to his surroundings. And, like an idiot, he misses his approach. 

“Naruto.”

Naruto’s head shoots up at the voice, and his blood runs cold. Mizuki-sensei. Fuck, and the scroll is open right in front of him. He’s got no deniability. He’s so utterly fucked. 

“The scroll, Naruto. Give it to me.”

Naruto frantically starts rolling up the scroll and putting it on his back again. “Why? So you have another reason to hate me?” He starts walking backwards, only getting more alarmed when Mizuki starts closing the distance between the two of them. “This is from my house anyway! It’s mine!”

Mizuki doesn’t respond. Instead, he throws a set of kunai at him. Kunai which, for some reason, Iruka-sensei manages to intercept. Why the hell is he here? 

“I’m impressed you figured out where to go,” Mizuki says to Iruka. He turns back to Naruto, who scampered back in fear. “The scroll. Give it here.”

“Dude! I mean, come on! I just told you this is mine!”

Heaving still, with kunai lodged in his thigh and chuunin vest, Iruka turns and yells “Don’t let him have it, Naruto! Protect that scroll with your life!” He heaves again. “It’s more dangerous than you can imagine— it holds the record of a completely forbidden ninja art! Mizuki used you because he just wants it for himself!” 

Naruto’s blood goes cold. 

“Naruto, even if you’ve read it, it’ll still be meaningless. I can show you what it means!”

Iruka gasps again, but Naruto can’t tell if it’s because he’s scandalized or because he’s starting to lose blood. “Sh- Shut up, you fool!” 

From Mizuki’s vantage point, Naruto doesn’t look like anything special. He looks like a deer in headlights. Mizuki doesn’t give a damn, it seems. 

“You… Know what really happened in the incident where the Kyuubi was sealed up again twelve years ago, don’t you?” Naruto looks at Iruka. Mizuki continues, knowing he has everybody’s attention. “You know you’re the nine-tailed spirit that destroyed the village. Even with the Hokage as your mother, didn’t you think it was strange? To be so despised, everywhere you went?” 

“Shut up! I have friends! I’m not hated by everybody! ” 

“You’ve been made a fool of by everybody in town! Nobody will ever accept you!” Mizuki smiles as he starts rotating the large shuriken on his back. “And if he were honest, even Iruka would admit he hates you, too! ” 

The ground cracks. 

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Where Naruto stands, orange chakra begins to seep out of his skin, forming a cloak of the Kyuubi. 

“JUST SHUT UP!”

Naruto’s eyes aren’t his anymore. They’re red. And he’s so clouded with rage that he doesn’t see the shuriken hurtling towards him. 

“Naruto, RUN!”

Through his pin-pointed vision, Naruto stops shaking enough to see a form lying on the ground right in front of him. It’s Iruka. 

Something inside Naruto snaps again. Impulsively, he brings his hands together to perform the sign for the jutsu he taught himself before Mizuki arrived. 

“What, trying to make another henge again? You’re better off dead!”

The red chakra around Naruto flares, and he bares his teeth. Through the blood beginning to seep down his forehead, Iruka looks behind him and sees canines much sharper than he remembers. 

Mizuki can only laugh. “So noble! Saving your parents’ murderer… And for what? What happens if we let him live?” 

“Then maybe the scroll is safe from a complete scumbag.”

If Naruto were sane right now, he’d probably be shocked at Iruka-sensei’s language. But he’s not. He’s too busy unintentionally tearing into the ground beneath him with his nails, protecting the scroll. 

“You were right to fear Naruto. To despise him. It’s only natural.” Naruto’s ears start ringing. 

“Maybe I do hate the fox,” Iruka admits. “But not Naruto. Not the boy.” It hits Naruto like a kunai. Takes him out of his Kyuubi-induced haze. “For him, I have nothing but respect. He’s an excellent student. He works with all his might… But sometimes, even so, he’s awkward, and clumsy, and people have mocked and shunned him… But all it’s done is give him empathy. He knows what it is to be in pain. He’s my boy.” 

Naruto hears a really ugly sound and feels something wet on his face. Oh. I’m crying. Oh. I’m bawling. That’s me. Then he sees Mizuki again. God, not this bastard. Can he just give us a fucking break?

And, like lightning, he stands in front of Iruka instead of behind him. Somehow, he misdirected the shuriken into a tree, and in the process, knocked Mizuki a few feet with the kickback. Okay, time to show Iruka-sensei my thanks, believe it!

“Keep away from Iruka-sensei, or I’LL KILL YOU!” 

“You stupid kid! Go back! Get out of here and save yourself!”

“You loudmouth brat! I CAN KILL YOU WITH ONE BLOW!”

“Bring it on, asshole! Anything you throw back at me I’ll give back a thousand times!” 

“You’re welcome to try, you little—”

BOOM.

The ground shakes with the sheer number of Naruto clones that appear out of thin air. There are Narutos on the ground, on the tree branches, Narutos on other Narutos, and Narutos clamoring to get the first hit in. 

Mizuki, for the first time, starts to look shocked. He can’t keep his eyes locked in one place, attention constantly being grabbed by yet another one of his student’s clones. 

“...What? How did he….”

A chorus of laughter fills the forest. “What’s the matter, rough guy? Come and get me! You’re going to kill me with one punch, right? Come on!” The Naruto clones start tittering among themselves, nudging each other and smirking, swinging from the tree branches smugly, until one says, “Well then, I’ll just have to attack you!” 

Naruto wishes he could say he remembers what happens next. Iruka wishes he could’ve seen it, too, but his view of Mizuki was pretty obscured by the sheer amount of clones that covered Mizuki and toppled him over. What Iruka did know, however, was that the thousand doppelgängers Naruto produced were solid— flesh and blood, and not just the shadowy henge required to pass the Academy. It’s the highest caliber of ninjutsu. But he won’t tell Naruto that anytime soon. He’s already got a big enough head as it is. 

After a few minutes, only one Naruto still stands above a completely knocked out Mizuki. 

“Heh… I guess I got a little carried away, huh…” 

In Iruka’s mind, there was only one thing left to do. 

“Naruto, c’mere. I’ve got a present for you. Close your eyes.”

When Naruto opens them, he feels something cool on his forehead, and nothing on Iruka’s. If he starts crying again, he’s blaming it on being tired and the Kyuubi chakra seeping through him, believe it!  “Sensei… is this?”

Iruka nods. “Congratulations, Graduate! To celebrate this, I’ll take you out. We can go for ramen!”

And that’s probably where the chakra exhaustion gets to him, because Naruto passes out right there. 

Kakashi doesn’t think (as a general rule, Gai, shut up) that he’s a very anxious person. Kakashi, in fact, really likes to think that with Gai, Genma, Tsunade, Sai, Yamato, and damn near the entirety of the Uchiha clan, he’s a lot less scared when it comes to Naruto-related incidents. And given Naruto’s propensity to land himself in all sorts of trouble, Kakashi would even call himself chill. He’s relatively chill. He can control his heartbeat when things happen, like Naruto sprains an ankle or gets cut or makes him tea in the morning. Yeah. He’s so fine. 

But right now, Kakashi can admit pretty damn easily, he is not fine. When Iruka sent a substitute asking for Kakashi to come collect Naruto from the forest behind the Academy because he’s passed out, he’s already starting to put on his sandals. And then he hears Iruka mention the Kyuubi . It’s like a direct on and off switch, the way even a mention of the fox can send him panicking now. 

Do I wake up Gai? Do I wake up Genma? Fuck, do I wake up Tsunade? Would that help? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Is this because of the exams earlier today? What did we miss? What did we miss? Fuck! FUCK!

Kakashi doesn’t even remember if he’s put on his mask. And for the first time in a damn long time, he’s not sure he even really cares. He shunshins over, trying not to let panic overtake his senses entirely. He doesn’t even have to look around when he gets there, the traces of Naruto’s chakra signature, and something older, more burnt, trailing in his wake are almost putrid. But Kakashi can’t complain, because it leads him straight to his little brother, now safely bundled in Iruka’s arms. 

He doesn’t know what comes over him. “Well, fuck.”

Thankfully, Iruka just huffs out a small laugh. “Fuck, indeed.” He traces absentmindedly over the Konoha symbol etched on Naruto’s hitai-ate. “He really is much too strong for a kid. Stronger than he needs to be.” Iruka meets Kakashi’s visible eye. “But you already know that, don’t you?” 

Kakashi thinks of how scared he was when he first met the kid. How angry he became when Gai had revealed Naruto had been abandoned by the orphanage. How that anger burned to rage, his eyes beginning to throb, as he recalled poring over Danzo’s hidden files. And how now, despite all the love Naruto’s new family could give him, there are still so many gods damned people in this village like Mizuki, who see a demon when there really is only a fragile boy. Kakashi thinks of himself at Naruto’s age, already battle-hardened, traumatized, and jaded, yet still so unprepared for what would come to pass. How he almost lost himself. How that could’ve so easily been Naruto, if things had gone only slightly differently. 

“Kakashi?”

Shit. He’d been zoning out again. 

“Hm? Sorry. Just a little….. You know.” He gestures vaguely at the scene before him. 

“Yeah,” Iruka sighs. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Were you here? The whole time? Did you see….”

Iruka catches on. “For most of it. He’s a gutsy kid. Definitely Kushina-senpai’s.” He laughs dryly. “You know Naruto did that?” He jerks his chin towards where Mizuki still lies unconscious. 

Kakashi blinks. “Well. I guess he’s been working on his sparring more than we thought. But that’s a little embarrassing for Mizuki.”

“Serves him right. As much as Mizuki tried to drill it in his head that he was stupid, Naruto really is his parents’ child. You know how he beat him? Multiple shadow clone jutsu.”

At this, Kakashi actually feels his jaw drop in his mask a little. He doesn’t think he’s been this shocked since…. Well, pretty recently. He hangs out with kids a lot. They surprise him. Wait. “What did you say about Naruto being stupid?”

“Ah… Naruto’s gonna kill me for this. He really didn’t want you to know.”

“Know what.”

“He’s been having some trouble at the Academy. With Mizuki. If you asked him, he’d probably just brush it off. But it’s definitely bullying from what he’s told me, Kakashi. Like the civilians, except Mizuki does it in front of his classmates.” Iruka holds his free hand up. “No, let me finish. Yes, you wish he would have told you. But he told me, and it’s not because he doesn’t love or trust you, or whatever you think right now. He just wants to be a regular kid. Doesn’t want to go tattle to his ANBU big brother and Hokage mommy because that’ll just make it worse. And he’s aware of the privileges he already has.”

Well. Now Kakashi feels a little stupid for getting mad. 

“Well, now you feel a little stupid for getting mad at me, don’t you?”

“Are you a Yamanaka or something? Shut the fuck up.”

Iruka laughs, and the sound makes Naruto stir in his lap a little. 

“Ah, right. We should deal with this now. Come on, then,” Iruka adjusts himself and beckons Kakashi towards him. 

Coming closer, Kakashi can more closely assess the damage to his adoptive brother. He seems mostly fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises from his earlier fight. There’s also some irritated skin on his wrists and neck, almost like a rash. 

“I think it’s from the chakra seeping out and then getting reabsorbed into his body,” Iruka says quietly. “I’m not sure, but his chakra felt really hot, almost like it burns. And his skin is retaining some of that heat. Naruto's only twelve, he definitely doesn’t have the wherewithal to handle tailed beast chakra like this.”

Instead of answering, Kakashi maneuvers Naruto so he’s draped securely along Kakashi’s back. Now that they’re so close, Kakashi can feel the excess heat radiating off of Naruto’s body. He’s always run hot, but this is definitely out of the ordinary. 

Ah. Wait. “Where’s your hitai-ate?”

This time, Iruka’s answering grin is wide and bright. 

“Come on, let’s go wake up the Hokage. I’m sure she’ll get a kick out of this.” 

Chapter Text

Naruto finds himself in what seems to be an endless void. But he knows it’s not, because he can hear the faint sounds of dripping, and the ground ripples slightly whenever he takes a step, like he’s disturbing the thin sheet of water that covers the ground. A cave? He shakes his head a bit, the idea not sounding right in his brain. Nah. No, I know what this place is. I know it here. There’s something distinctly safe about it, even though by all accounts Naruto should be scared out of his skin. 

Something pulls Naruto forward, urging him to walk slowly forward, until he sees a spot of bright, bright orange grow bigger and come into focus, separated from Naruto only by iron bars and a large seal. 

Now, Naruto can admit, under duress, begrudgingly, as long as Sasuke-teme isn’t here, that he’s……… a little shorter than some of his classmates (who are also just tall! Believe it!), but he’s never actually felt small. Until now. Because Naruto is standing right in front of a gigantic fox, and the top of his head reaches, like, the top of the fox’s paw. And it clicks. 

“Oh,” he starts, and the sound echoes, shocking him. “I’m in myself— wait. No. Start over. UGH! No no no let me not ruin this. Oh my god they’re going to make so much fun of me if I ruin this. Wait.” He finally spares the Kyuubi a glance as he puts up his hands, trying to halt the Kyuubi from moving like there aren’t bars between the two of them for that very purpose. “WAIT. Don’t move. We’re doing this again, and I’m going to be smart and cool, and neither of us will remember that I said I was in myself. NO I JUST REMEMBERED IT AGAIN OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. FUCK.” 

If Naruto had looked up during his panic, he would’ve seen the Kyuubi’s face. How utterly gob smacked he was. It’s probably a good thing Naruto doesn’t look up, then. He’s already panicking enough. 

Naruto marches himself over a few feet away from the cage and straightens up. “Okay, we’re starting again! And…. action!” 

He walks back to the bars, further away this time, and lifts his head to meet the Kyuubi’s eyes. “Hi! I’m Naruto. It’s good to finally meet you.” He starts to wave, then seems to remember his manners, and switches to a short bow. “I bet I’ve been a nuisance all these years, huh?” 

The Kyuubi doesn’t respond for a second. Then, two.

“Hey! I’m trying to talk to you here, yaknow!” 

That does it, for some reason. 

“So you’re the brat, huh?” The ground beneath them doesn’t rumble, but Naruto can pick up the deep tones of the tailed beast’s voice through the vibrations in the floor. Woah. 

Naruto huffs a bit. “Well, duh! Who else would I be? And I’m not a brat believe it!”

“It was a rhetorical question, brat.” 

“What did I JUST SAY about calling me that!”

Kurama makes a low, rumbly sound in the back of his mouth. If Naruto was less (secretly, of course!) scared shitless, he’d probably be crowing over the fact that he got one of the most powerful beings on the planet to laugh at him, in like, a minute or something. But he doesn’t, because he values his hide, thank you very much. Also, what if the fox got mad at him and then messed with his digestive system? He doesn’t want to deal with extra Kyuubi chakra and constipation…. Ugh. WAIT. Off topic again!

“I’ll say, Uzumaki, I’m impressed you’re still here. And that you introduced yourself at all. Your mother didn’t really talk to me much, unless there was an emergency.”

Naruto feels vaguely like he’s been kicked in the gut. Mom. My actual, biological mom. He knows the fox can read right through him, but for his own dignity, he tries to school his face into something less distinctly pained, and says “So you did know my mom! How…. was she?” 

The Kyuubi, rather impressively, rolls his eyes. “From what I can already tell, the two of you were pretty similar. Don’t act like you don’t know that already.” 

Naruto grins, wide and open. “Yeah, but it’s nice to hear more people say it, anyway. I didn’t know her, yaknow.” Ah! I forgot! “Wait, sorry I forgot to ask you earlier! What’s your name?” 

Suddenly, the fox goes very, very still. If Naruto couldn’t vaguely see the water continuing to gently ripple around his feet, he would think time had frozen entirely.

The Kyuubi seems to be fighting within himself about how he should respond. Honestly it reminds Naruto a little bit of Genma whenever Naruto does something stupid. But this is obviously more serious. Obviously. It’s his name. If he has one. Which he has to have. Probably.

“My name.” 

“Well, yeah! Everything has a name, believe it! Don’t you?”

The Kyuubi lowers himself onto the paw closest to Naruto. His entire body is the height of the fox’s eyeball. Creepy. “Of course I have a name. It’s just been a long time since anybody has asked.” He blinks, slowly. “It’s Kurama.” 

“Oh. My mom didn’t ask you for your name?”

The eye near Naruto shifts to regard him more directly. “Like I said, Kushina only interacted with me in emergencies. Not much time for pleasantries then, right brat?” 

“I guess you’re right. But I was raised with manners, believe it! And as far as I can tell, there’s no real emergency here. Wait.” Naruto squints at Kurama in what is probably supposed to be a poor imitation of Genma. “We’re not having an emergency, right?”

Kurama makes that rumbly sound again. “No. You’ve just been knocked out. You got too excited with that stupid teacher. You’re resting now, and because you let a bit of me out, we get to have a chat.”

Naruto deflates in relief. “Oh, thank the gods. Mom would be pissed at me otherwise.”

“Your mother.”

“Yeah.”

“Your mother is dead. We just had this conversation, brat, or are you ill?”

Naruto runs his hands through his (really sweaty, ew) hair. “Haven’t you seen everything? Do I really have to explain this to you?” Kurama levels Naruto with a rather unimpressed look. “Ugh. Yes, my biological mother is dead. But Tsunade is my Kaa-chan! She raised me! Along with Kaka-nii and Gai-nii and Genma-nii and kinda Itachi-nii, too, if you really think about it, and Iruka-sensei!” 

“Then doesn’t it bother you, how the rest of the village treats you?”

Naruto sighs. “Well, whaddya mean?” 

“I mean, brat—” 

“I’m not a brat!”

“Let me finish, brat. If you’re the fourth Hokage’s biological son, and the fifth Hokage’s adopted son, as well as the vessel for me, which, frankly, should be an honor,” Naruto rolls his eyes, “then why did that sensei seem so intent on ruining your schooling? And the shopkeepers’ intent on keeping their produce away from you? And the civilian mothers’ intent on keeping their kids away from you?”

“Well, of course it bothers me, Kurama-baka,” Naruto grumbles. “Who likes being spat on, anyway? But I don’t get your point.”

“You should be respected by this village.” 

“Believe it!”

“You should be valued in the village.”

“Absolutely!”

“And most of them feel the opposite towards you.”

“Not most, just some stupid idiots! Everybody I care about likes me! You should know that; you’ve been here the whole time! Not much else to do here, is there?”

Kurama blinks. “How do you know I’ve been watching you this whole time?”

Naruto puffs up a bit. “Well, I am the Hokage’s son, believe it! And I am a very good shinobi! I did some research! Which,” Naruto puts his hands on his hips, “You should already know, believe it! Why do you keep asking questions you already know the answers to?”

“I can see what you do, Uzumaki, but I don’t know why you do things. So why would you bother going through all that trouble? I know you don’t enjoy reading.”

“Well, because you’re you, and I’m me, and you’re a part of me! It would be dumb to not know anything about myself, right? Plus….” Naruto tries to figure out how to put words around his vulnerability, “Plus my mom had you, too, and so did the Shodaime’s wife, and I never knew my mom, and I never knew Mito apart from what everybody has told me, so…. So I figured I’d learn a bit about it. And what they went through, and what I could do to make things better, and… and connect to them, somehow. I dunno. I guess it’s kinda stupid, if I could just ask Kaka-nii or Kaa-chan, or something. But I wanted to find out on my own.” 

“Isn’t that exhausting?”

Kurama’s question shakes Naruto out of his haze. “What?”

“Constantly having to learn about yourself. And then having to defend it all the time. You’re just a pup. Isn’t that annoying to you?”

Naruto takes a moment to think. “Hm. I guess it is. But that's all I know, yaknow? Plus, it’s not all bad. If I were completely alone and had no idea what was wrong with me, that would definitely suck a lot more, believe it! But I’ve got people to learn from and people who want to defend me, too! That’s why Iruka-sensei is my favorite! He hates Mizuki-sensei, too!”

“So it’s no use, then.”

“What is?” Naruto immediately gets defensive. “WHAT IS? If it’s me, I’ll kick ya out of my body, believe it! It’s my seal!”

Kurama lightly bumps the tip of his snout against the side of Naruto’s head through the cage. “Will you just shut up? No, I’m not talking about you. I was talking about letting me loose.” 

“Oh!” Naruto is immediately placated. “Wait, well, YEAH I’m not gonna let you loose! I’m a great vessel, believe it!”

“Well, you’re certainly happier than jinchuurikis tend to me, that’s for sure. But I think that’s thanks to your….” Kurama grimaces a bit. “Family. Or. Whatever your insipid human self thinks of them as.”

“I’m going to ignore that word you said that I don’t know how to pronounce and pretend it means something nice. And then I’m going to ask Genma-nii what it means, or Shizune-neechan, and then I’m gonna come back and let you have it if it’s not nice. But first, yeah, I know.”

Kurama levels a look at the child in front of him. “Know? Know what? What could you possibly know?”

Naruto shrugs, a tiny smile on his face. “I’m pretty lucky, for a jinchuuriki. I think I’m the luckiest one there is, believe it!”

“So you’re gonna keep me here.”

“Well, yeah! Now that we’ve met, we can hang out all the time! I bet everybody’s gonna be so jealous of us. It’s gonna be so fun! And then what if we can make cool combo moves— OH! Do you think you could help me pick up groceries with your tails and stuff? Could I get a little mini chakra version of you to hang out with, like a summons? How can I introduce you to my friends? What’s your favorite jutsu? Can you—”

“OH MY GODS, PLEASE SHUT UP.”

The bottom of Naruto’s jumpsuit gets wet because of the splatter. “Ah. Sorry!”

“I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. We’ll figure it out. But frankly, boy, your current chakra control is abysmal. You’ll have to work on that before doing anything with me. And…. please, do not go out of your way to bother me too much.”

“What does… uhbsymul mean?”

“Not the word I said. And ask somebody else.”

“Fine. And wait, wouldn’t you want me to bother you?” Naruto looks around again. “There’s kinda shit else for you to do here.”

“Language, boy.”

“Oh come on, you can’t lecture me about language! You’re in my own head, believe it! I’m in charge here!”

“You are… such a nuisance.”

“Believe it! But seriously, aren’t you bored here?”

“Uzumaki, I’ve been bored for around fifty years now. I can handle a little more.”

“Fifty years is still a long time! One time, Sasuke-teme fell asleep for five hours before dinner, and I thought I was going to blow my brains out!”

“You’re a child. I am…. Decidedly not.”

“That doesn’t mean time goes faster for you though, believe it!” Kurama manages to somehow look surprised. “I told you, Kurama-baka, I do my research! SO, how do you want me to spruce the place up? A cactus? I have one at home, and it’s fun to talk to it sometimes! But you don’t seem too much like a talker. Do you like ramen? I could see if I could think up a ramen stall here or something! Wait, but how would I even do that…. Do you even eat? Wait no, I totally already read that you didn’t. DAMMIT, I’M RAMBLING AGAIN.”

“Well, at least you’re self-aware.”

“Shut up, Kurama, or you’re not getting anything! You can stay in this dingy, mangy cage till we both die! So what will it be?”

Kurama thinks for a second. “I… would like a tree.”

Naruto balks. “A tree. A tree is what you want. For what?”

“I’m a fox. I may have more tails than normal, but I want to curl up in a place that isn’t so immediately disgusting. And maybe make the environment drier. That is, if you can. I don’t think anybody’s ever really tried to change the inside of the seal before.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll be the first, believe it!”

“You and your mother, I swear.”

“My mother and me what?”

“That inane vocal tic. She used to do it, too.”

Naruto brightens at that. “I know! I said it once when I was little— shut up, littler— and Kaka-nii said that! So I started doing it more often, and now it’s a habit!”

“Well, the fact that you’re not telepathically annoying is slightly reassuring to me.”

“Are you always going to be this sarcastic?”

“Can you name me a singular other source of entertainment here?”

“Well. Okay.”

Kurama chuffs. “Well, okay,” he says, pitching his voice higher. 

“OI! Aren’t you supposed to be a timeless chakra being? Why are you acting like Ino-chan?” 

“The Yamanaka are an incredibly intelligent clan. You could do with learning a little bit more from them.”

“.... Are you calling me stupid?”

“Ah, look, he’s caught on.”

“I will make this entire seal a puddle.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

It starts to get a little brighter inside the room. Naruto has to squint a little to see Kurama, who seems mildly surprised, but not alarmed. 

“I think you’re waking up. You weren’t out that long, probably because the Hokage healed you.”

Naruto cracks a grin. “Yeah, she’s great for that stuff.” He pauses. “Will I see you soon?”

“Maybe you are dumber than you look. Kid, I’m inside you. You can talk to me whenever you want.” Kurama does a thing with his snout that Naruto thinks could possibly be a smile. “Now wake up. And figure out how to make this place a little nicer, if you can.”

Suddenly, Naruto is opening his eyes on a hospital bed, heaving like a drowning man washed ashore. All at once, he’s bombarded with the ugly fluorescent lights in the hospital, the familiar warmth of Tsunade’s healing chakra, Kakashi’s sharingan boring into his skull, and Iruka by the window, looking a little tired but no worse for wear. 

Then, he registers the noise. “NARUTO!” Tsunade yells as soon as he takes his first big inhale. “Naruto, are you okay? You irresponsible brat, getting into a fight with your sensei, what were you thinking!”

Kakashi’s visible eye shutters back to normal and slides over to the Hokage. “Your bedside manner is as impeccable as ever, Tsunade-sama.”

The Hokage uses her free hand, the one not taking Naruto’s pulse, to slap Kakashi upside the head. “Shut it, boy. As long as they get healed, it doesn’t matter. Now,” she looks over at her son, now sitting up on the bed, “I’ve heard I’ve got a new graduate of the Academy at home, huh?”

Naruto immediately brightens. “Iruka-sensei! You told them! So it’s really real? I’m a genin now?”

“You saved me, kid. There’s no way I wasn’t going to vouch for you. Plus, I didn’t give you my hitai-ate for nothing, you know?”

At that, Naruto immediately brings his hands to his forehead and unties the headband. He’d forgotten all about it during his conversation with Kurama. He stares down at the slightly worn Konoha symbol on the steel, not sure what to say. 

Iruka must mistake Naruto’s uncharacteristic quietness for distaste, because he starts, “Um, it was all I had at the time, and I just wanted to let you know you’d graduated in my eyes, but I can totally get you a new one— hey, are you okay? Why are you crying? Naruto!” 

Oh, fuck. Naruto hadn’t even realized he’d been crying like a baby over the damn hitai-ate. “Hold on, lemme just…” Naruto sniffs loudly and rubs at his eyes. “The Academy was really hard… and I was really scared last night that I was going to have to spend another year with Mizuki-sensei… without any of my friends this time. And… And Iruka-sensei was always so nice to me and helped me out and didn’t make me feel like an idiot or a loser or a monster, and now I have his hitai-ate, and I’m a genin.” Naruto looked up at everybody. “I’m a shinobi now! A real one, believe it!”

Kakashi’s visible eye crinkles. “Yeah squirt, you really are.” He reaches out and ruffles Naruto’s hair. “And I heard you gave Mizuki the ass-beating of his life, huh?”

Naruto’s eyes widen and flick over to his mother. Iruka sensei grins and nods from behind Kakashi. Oh good, she already knows. And… Naruto flicks his eyes back over to Kakashi, who’s still looking entirely too amused for a hospital bed. And I’m not in trouble! YES! “YES! I totally did, believe it! He took out a bunch of kunai and got Iruka-sensei with them, and then said a bunch of really nasty things, and then I did the kage bunshin, and BAM! He couldn’t take me! How cool is that, Kaa-chan!”

“You know my general stance for unnecessary fights, Naruto…” Tsunade trails off, watching for the telltale sign of Naruto beginning to doubt himself, sinking in on himself, before smirking, “But I think this one was absolutely warranted. I’m proud of you.”

Naruto doesn’t say anything, but the widening of his eyes and incredulous smile tells Tsunade everything she needs to know. She hums. “You seem to be healing pretty nicely. Always was one of your few strong points—”

“—Hey!”

“—But I’ll check on you tonight when we have dinner. I’ll let you invite whoever you want… maybe we can throw a little party. It’s not every day my son graduates the Academy, after all.”

“KAA-CHAN! REALLY?”

Kakashi butts in. “Naruto, if you keep screaming, you know her answer’s gonna change.” Naruto immediately cringes. It’s happened before. Many times.

“Sorry. But really? You’re sure? I can call Sasuke-teme?” Naruto quickly realizes he only said one name, and then hastily adds on, “And Shika and Itachi-nii and Sai and Tenzo. And maybe Sakura-chan, if I feel like it…. Hmmmm… But obviously not just Sasuke-teme! Because that would be so stupid and boring and annoying, believe it!”

Nobody in the room bothers responding.

Eventually, Iruka says, “Naruto, you were out for quite some time…. You seem physically perfect, but… are you really all good? I don’t want to nag! I’m just checking.”

At this, Naruto surprisingly perks up. “Ah, thanks for reminding me, Iruka-sensei!” He sees the surprised blink of Kakashi, and adds, “I’m okay, perfect, really! But Kaa-chan, I finally met Kurama! He’s so old and annoying, but pretty cool actually! Kinda reminds me of Fugaku-ojichan. Sooooo grumbly. But I know he loves me anyway!”

A few seconds pass by. The temperature in the room seems to drop.

“…What? I’m okay! I’m totally okay! What’s wrong? Why aren’t you saying any—”

“Naruto, by ‘Kurama,’” Tsunade makes air quotes with her hands, “do you mean the Kyuubi?”

“Well, yeah. He has a name. I asked him when I met him.” Naruto looks at Tsunade, completely bemused. “Kaka-nii, do you at least know what I’m talking about? Kurama said he’d spoken to my mom in emergencies a few times before, so it’s not like it’s unusual.”

Now it’s Kakashi’s turn to reel. Hearing that there was an entire aspect of Kushina’s relationship with the Kyuubi that he had no idea about made him want to hurl, but in a feat of Genma-level restraint, he grits his teeth and doesn’t immediately have a panic attack. Instead, he says, “No, she never told me while I was guarding her. But I suppose the relationship between a Tailed Beast and a jinchuuriki is pretty private, so I’m not entirely surprised.”

Naruto buys this easily, probably because it’s true. Thank the gods.

Tsunade, on the other hand, looks furious. Or is it worried? Honestly, Naruto can’t really tell when it gets to the extremes. Maa, I’m about to get yelled at. Shika’s right, moms really are a drag, believe it!

“This is really important,” Tsunade says, in that bitten-back tone that means she’s doing her damndest not to fly off the handle for the sake of everybody involved. Uh oh. “And a matter of your physical and mental health as it relates to the seal your father performed on you when you were born. You have to tell me every time you interact with the Kyuubi, okay?”

“But he’s in me, not you,” Naruto huffs. “And his name is Kurama.”

“Fine. You have to tell me every time you meet Kurama. Okay?”

“Well, why? I’m not going to unleash him onto the village. Do you really think I’m that dumb?”

The vein in Tsunade’s forehead begins to throb. “It’s not a matter of smart or dumb, Naruto. It’s a matter of the Kyuubi’s—Kurama’s—chakra fusing with yours. His mind fusing with yours. Your meetings are a manifestation of the seal being faulty, and of a lack of control. We have to monitor it for your own good.”

“But he’s a part of me! I don’t want to just ignore it, especially now that we’ve gotten to know each other! He’s going to think I’m the worst! I told him I’d make the space a little better for him and everything, too!”

“You what?” Kakashi couldn’t hold that back this time. Thankfully, it seems to cut some of the rising tension, as Naruto had a new focus.

“Yeah! When we met, Kurama was locked in this super dingy cage. Really musty, and there was kind of a layer of water on the ground. It felt really evil! And he looked so lonely. And Kurama is cool! Prickly, like Sasuke-teme, but he’s kind of funny, too… Like Shika! He doesn’t think he’s funny but it’s funny. And then when he gets strict he’s like Fugaku-ojichan, believe it!” Naruto laughs to himself. “Anyway, I told him since we’d be together till I die, probably, and he’s stuck inside me, I’d try and make the space less cramped for him. And he seemed to like that! Honestly, I get why he’s so mad all the time. If I had to spend fifty years in that cage, I’d be pissed too!”

Something flashes across Kakashi’s face, and he turns away quickly. As informed as Naruto is about his status as a jinchuuriki and the history of Konoha, Danzo’s betrayal and plans to imprison Naruto as a weapon of the village was the only thing everybody had pointedly avoided telling him. And the sharingan never forgets. Kakashi raises a hand to his covered eye like he wants to push the memories that rushed forth back where they came from.

Tsunade must have picked up on it, too, because she shoots a glance at Kakashi. “You would’ve been mad in a cage that long too, huh.”

“Well yeah! Who wouldn’t?”

The Fifth Hokage rubs her temples for a few seconds, and then takes a deep breath. “Do you still have it?”

“Have what?”

Tsunade just raises an eyebrow.

“Oh! Yeah, I do! Here,” Naruto pulls out the sleek blue crystal from under his jumpsuit. “I keep it under my shirt so even if I get hot during training it doesn’t fall off or break. It’s pretty stylish!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tsunade huffs. “You know that’s not why I gave it to you, brat.”

“… Sorry if I’m not allowed to ask, but what is it for?”

Tsunade turns around to face Iruka, like she had forgotten he was even there. “You haven’t spoken in ages, Umino, I thought you’d melted into the wall. The crystal is from the Shodaime, my grandfather. It can help restrain and control the Kyuubi chakra, so it takes a lot more for it to leak through Naruto’s system and damage it.” She gives her son another quick once over, “Which was why I was so surprised it happened last night.”

She takes another breath, like she's debating whether she wants to continue this conversation. “And this relationship with Kurama, you think it’s important to you?”

Naruto nods back, uncharacteristically serious. “He’s a part of me. I owe it to myself,” He looks to Kakashi, “And to my mom. I want to get to know him more. And maybe I’ll have a better handle on myself then, too.”

“You always say the wisest things at the strangest times, don’t you?”

At this, Naruto grins, wide and open. “That’s why I’m your favorite student and I got your hitai-ate, believe it!”

Tsunade sighs. “If it’s this important to you, I won’t stop you-––” she immediately puts her hand up, seeing Naruto open his mouth, “but I have some conditions. First, whenever you want to meet with Kurama, you have to do it with me or Kakashi in the room so we can stop things from the outside if they get bad.” Naruto nods. “And if you ever have an incident like this again, where you accidentally tap into the Kyuubi’s chakra, especially if you pass out, I need to know everything afterwards. That means everything, Naruto, I don’t care how embarrassing it is for you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Kaa-chan.”

“And one more thing. I want you to keep a journal of all your interactions with Kurama. Make it really detailed.”

“Whaaaaaat? You’re giving me homework? I just graduated!”

“Don’t get fresh with me, boy. It’s not homework. It’ll help keep track of your interactions and progress in terms of purposeful and accidental Kyuubi interactions, and will give both you and me—as your mother and your doctor—insight into how to best help you. I really don’t feel good about letting you gallivant with the most powerful Tailed Beast whenever you want. But you say it’s important to you and I am willing to honor that, as long as you listen to me. Am I clear?”

Naruto nods. “Mhm.”

With that settled, Tsunade finally relaxes a bit. She didn’t realize how close her shoulders were to her ears until she let them fall, now that everything has been dealt with.

“Okay brat, get the hell out of my sight so I can finish my rounds. And let me know how many people are coming to dinner tonight.”

Naruto doesn’t even let Tsunade finish before he’s halfway out the door. “THANK YOU KAA-CHAN! BYE! I WILL!” Echoes through the hallways of the hospital.

Kakashi sits on the sill and opens his spare copy of Icha Icha. “Maa, I miss having that kind of energy.” Tsunade walks over and immediately snatches the book from him. “Oi, what was that for? I’m trying to relax!”

She scoffs. “Hatake, you’ve never relaxed once in your life. If this is your idea of winding down, you should just get Gai to give you a thorough massage and call it a day.” Iruka lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a laugh, but Kakashi is too busy trying not to overheat and melt into the window to really call him out on that right now. “I will see all of you for dinner tonight. Don’t be too late, or I’m making you buy me booze.”

Naruto purposefully runs to the Academy a little later than usual. He likes to make an entrance, believe it! As he approaches, he sees all his classmates milling about with their parents, proudly showing off their new hitai-ate (Ino), getting paraded around on others’ shoulders (Kiba, Sasuke), or trying to calm their parents down (Sakura, Shikamaru, obviously). All the jounin sensei are talking to one another, scoping out the new kids and grimacing every time one of them yells too loudly.

Where’s Kaka-nii? Naruto looks around, not seeing the familiar head of grey hair. Ah. I know exactly where he is. And there he was, predictably perched on the second-floor window sill, high up above the commotion and perfectly placed to observe everything without any interference (which definitely just means getting ribbed by all the other Academy moms about how good of an “older brother” he is). Naruto chuckles to himself as he tries to wave at Kakashi without giving away his hiding spot. After all these years, he still hates attention.

Well, good thing Naruto loves it enough for the both of them.

“I AM HERE!”

Naruto stands proudly in the doorway, hands on his hips, chest puffed out. He’s pushed his soft blond hair up even higher to make sure his hitai-ate stands starkly visible on his forehead, and it looks like the effort has paid off. Immediately, he’s swarmed with his classmates–– Kiba jumps off his mother’s shoulders and Akamaru off of Kiba’s head as they bound over, while Ino and Sakura climb over each other to get a better look.

“NARUTO! That ain’t your regular set of goggles on your head!” Kiba yells.

This morning while he was admiring himself in the mirror (shut up) Naruto decided he was gonna play it cool today. The grand entrance didn’t count. That was an entrance. He needs to keep it mysterious, okay? So he just tries for his most Sasuke-like (shut up) smirk, and says, “Nah, it’s not.”

Ino and Sakura clearly aren’t buying the cool guy act. “Uzumaki, you better not have stolen that hitai-ate!” Sakura leans right in Naruto’s face. “You know that’ll just be worse for you later on!”

“Forehead, look! You said something smart for once! That is def not new. Look at the threads around edges coming loose! None of ours are like that. Naruto-kun, who did you steal this from? C’mon, this is crazy even for you!”

Of all the things his classmates could possibly say, Naruto wasn’t expecting that. His excitement begins to seep away, shuttering in his eyes as he tries to find the right words to mask how badly Ino had inadvertently hurt him.

Shikamaru notices, because of course he does, he’s like the smartest guy in the whole village, or something. Naras are known for that. “Well, let’s ask Naruto where he got it before we start accusing him of stealing, Yamanaka, c’mon,” Shikamaru drawls. Inwardly, Naruto gloats a bit seeing Ino and Sakura’s sheepish expressions.

“Iruka-sensei gave it to me! There was this super cool fight and I won but I got super tired and passed out and basically Mizuki-sensei sucks and Iruka-sensei knows that and doesn’t think I’m a bad kid so he gave it to me because I didn’t get a hitai-ate at the same time as everybody else!”

Exactly as he’d hoped (heh), the responses are immediate and varying.

“FIGHT?” (This is Sakura and Kiba).

“See? No theft involved.” (Shika.)

“That’s crazy! But wouldn’t you rather have a new one?” (Ino, and)

“Passed out? Usuratonkachi.” (Sasuke.)

On instinct, in a knee-jerk reaction to take the bait, Naruto jumps up on the desk in front of Sasuke. “Yeah, I passed out! Name one time where you fought so hard you fainted, Sasuke-teme! That’s right, you can’t! And it’s because I’m braver and cooler than you and I’ll be Hoka––”

From Kakashi’s vantage point up above, the next few seconds seemed to pass in slow motion. It was instantaneous, a seemingly random moment of chaos, but to the son of the White Fang, and the previous ANBU Commander, could discern every small decision that led up to the uproar.

It went like this: Naruto crouched over Sasuke’s desk, thumb petulantly pointing at the Konoha symbol on his hitai-ate. Shikamaru sensed Naruto was out of the woods and that the posturing between his two friends would likely take a while and put his head down on the desk. Ino detected that she was also off the hook for being a little rude, and seeing an opportunity to annoy Shikamaru before team assignments, turned around aggressively, whipping her hair. Sakura was caught in aforementioned hair flip, and started to yell at Ino, only to sneeze. As Sakura raised her elbow to sneeze into, she knocked into Naruto’s back, which, again, was hunched over as Naruto stood over Sasuke, which led to–– 

“AAAAAARGH! EW, SASUKE-TEME! GET YOUR GRUBBY MOUTH OFF ME!”

Sasuke and Naruto spring apart, and Sasuke immediately gets up. “IDIOT! YOU’RE THE ONE THAT FELL ON ME FIRST! YOU’RE GROSS! IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!”

Naruto feels so red there might be steam coming out of his ears. They’re ringing so loudly he can barely hear everybody laughing around him. 

Kid, do you want me to handle this?

Kurama, this is not the time. Like, at all.

Man.

He manages to come up with something else to say. “SASUKE-TEME, YOU CAN’T EVEN COME UP WITH OTHER WORDS BESIDES IDIOT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART. I’M TELLING ITACHI-NIISAN YOU’RE A DUMB IDIOT AND I’M NOT—”

Before Kakashi can step in (his book was too interesting, after all), Sasuke and Naruto are seized by one very exasperated Iruka-sensei.

“Kids, I’m going to ask you to please refrain from fraternizing or fighting before teams even get announced. You can save all that for later. We all saw it was an unfortunate accident, so let’s all move on, okay?”

The boys grumble and go back to their respective seats, Ino and Sakura tittering to themselves all the while.

“They’ll get over it, Naruto, don’t worry,” Choji offers.

Shikamaru, miraculously, hasn’t bothered to even lift his head up from his desk this whole time. “Five bucks says Kiba does something even more idiotic before we even leave this room anyway.”

“Thanks guys! Not a big deal at all, just gotta scrub the hell out of my mouth later, huh!” Naruto grins widely and tries to curb the impulse to hide his face in his jacket, or something.

My first kiss. Does it count if it’s with a guy anyway? My first kiss! Kaa-chan can never know about this.

And unbeknownst to Naruto, sitting right behind him, Sasuke glowers into his steepled hands, waiting for the jonin sensei to claim their teams. To anybody else, he looks absolutely unphased.

Miso. He tastes like miso.

Thankfully, genin teams get sorted quickly, and Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke sit in facing Kakashi on the front steps of the Academy.

“Just so you know, Naruto, you’re not getting any kind of special treatment from me just because I’m your jonin leader. I might actually go harder on you,” Kakashi starts, raising his visible eyebrow.

“Maa, Kaka-nii, you think I’m the worst, dontcha! But you know me, I’ll be good, believe it!”

Kakashi just huffs.

Maybe it was Sakura’s jealousy over seeing Naruto kiss her crush, or just the overall frenzy of the day, but Sakura chooses that moment to open her mouth. “Naruto, you should take a page out of Kakashi-sensei’s book and calm down! I honestly can’t believe somebody like you could be associated with somebody like him, seriously!”

The temperature immediately drops. Naruto stills, smile frozen on his face, and Sasuke looks at her out of the corner of his eye.

Kakashi, for his part, doesn’t bat an eye. “Sakura-chan, I don’t know you as well as I do Naruto or Sasuke. But based on first impressions, I have to say….” Kakashi looks Sakura dead in the eye. “I hate you.”

“Kaka-nii! That’s not nice!” Naruto stands up. “Apologize to Sakura-chan right now! She’s your student, believe it!”

Kakashi is unphased. “She insulted you.”

“So does Sasuke-teme! It just means I have an extra pass to get her back next time, duh!” Naruto glares at Kakashi, refusing to back down.

“Sasuke, what do you think?”

“Hn. I get why that’s your first impression.”

Sakura flushes red all the way down her neck. Getting scolded by Kakashi-sensei is one thing–– everybody knows he can get a little testy–– but Sasuke-kun! Saying he gets why Kakashi-sensei hates her… Oh gods, I’m never going to recover from this. This is so humiliating! Talk about first impressions. And now Ino-pig has a leg up on Sasuke-kun! NOOOOOOOO!!!

Completely unaware of Saskura’s inner monologue, Naruto continues to yell at Kakashi to apologize to Sakura. “Kaka-nii, you know you can’t make this your first impression; this is so bad!”

Kakashi huffs. “Maa, who cares? I told you nobody was getting special treatment. And tough love is necessary sometimes. It seems like Sakura-chan here is a little unaware of herself.”

Naruto pulls out the big guns. He crosses his arms and looks Kakashi dead in the eyes, raising his brows. Oh god, he looks exactly like Kushina. “I’ll tell Gai-nii you were mean and testy today.”

Who the hell is Gai, and why does Sasuke actually look shocked? And why does Kakashi look scared?

“Maa, Naruto, you don’t have to do that…”

“I don’t have to. But I will. Apologize to Sakura-chan!”

Oh, right. This is about me. I should probably say something.

“Naruto-kun… you don’t have to do that,” Sakura starts weakly.

“It’s not even really about you, Sakura-chan, sorry,” Naruto breaks his weirdly maternal act for a second, “I’ve heard much worse from the civilians here. I’m a little loud sometimes, believe it!” He huffs a laugh, and even Sasuke’s sharp eyes soften a little at that. “It’s more about Kaka-nii right now." Naruto redirects his attention back towards Kakashi. "You can’t get defensive every time somebody says something like that to me! Kaa-chan told us both to pick our battles, remember?”

Sakura really doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Naruto-teme, I think Kakashi-niisan got the point. Can you please sit down so we can get this over with? I want to spar!”

Sakura does know what to say to this, though. Unfortunately, it seems like all she wants to do today is put her foot in her mouth. So much for being a kunoichi.

“Wait, Sasuke-kun, how come Kakashi-sensei is Kakashi-niisan to you? How come all of you are so buddy-buddy? This totally isn't fair to me, like, at ALL!”

“Sakura-chan… I’m sorry it all turned out this way! I don’t want you to feel excluded or anything!” Naruto looks frantically around to Sasuke and Kakashi, trying to figure out if there was a way to salvage the situation. “I mean… the only reason Sasuke-teme knows Kaka-nii is because Mikoto Auntie was my mom’s best friend, so I think they just feel bad for me, haha!”

Immediately, the mood in the room dampens somehow further. Sakura pales, looking around her. “I really need to stop shoving my sandals into my big old mouth, huh...” She starts picking at the seam in her dress, trying to avoid eye contact with Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi, who look varying shades of pitying, aggravated, and bored.

“Naruto-kun, I guess because we only ever really saw each other in school I never knew what you were dealing with. I mean I knew, with the villagers and all, but because I figured you were under Tsunade-sama’s care you had a normal perfect life… I’ll try to ask more questions about you next time.” She dares to glance up.

Naruto is a bright, almost fluorescent shade of bright red. “Sakura-chan….. you want to ask me questions?” He looks at Kakashi giddily. “She wants to ask me more questions, Kaka-nii, did you hear that? Maybe you can ask me some of those questions over Ichiraku sometime, nee, Sakura-chaaaa—”

Sakura suddenly made the decision that she had used up her quota of Naruto-tolerance for the day, family privilege be damned, and punches him square in the face.

“WILL YOU SHUT UP, IDIOT!”

Instantly horrified, she turns around to get her next verbal thrashing from Sasuke and Kakashi… only to see them laughing.

“Maa, Sakura-chan, I didn’t know you had that in you! I knew there was a reason Iruka-sensei had the three of you teamed up.”

And Sasuke, for his part, smiles. “Make sure you keep him humble, Haruno. You catch my drift?”

“SASUKE-TEME, STOP ENCOURAGING VIOLENCE.”

Sakura ignores Naruto’s comment. “Yeah, I think we’ll get along fine.”

At this, Kakashi stands up, and the three genin feel a small wave of killing intent waft off his body. His visible eye curls up in a crescent–– a shape that could be construed as a smile, but something far, far more sinister. “I’m glad we have your internal dynamics settled. I told you I wasn’t going to let any of you off the hook just because I’m your precious little Kaka-nii. If you fail here, you’re done.” The three’s eyes begin to widen as Kakashi dangles two small bells from his hand. “Let’s see if you can pass my entrance examination. Are you ready, my cute little genin?”

It becomes clear, as Kakashi’s smile begins to widen under his mask, and the waves of violent intent thrum louder through the genin’s chakra, that the answer was a resounding No.

Too bad none of them had a choice.

In training ground 6, Kakashi stands in a small clearing, bells in one hand, Icha-Icha in the other. Around him, Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto circle warily, like wolves who have only seen other wolves fight and are under the impression that this is the best and only way of beginning a three-on-one confrontation.

If Kakashi hadn’t taught Sasuke and Naruto exactly that while informally sparring, he would’ve laughed. Tacky.

To his surprise, it’s Sakura that makes the first move. Wide green eyes trying to take in as much of her teacher as possible, she makes to go for his left leg and snatch the book from his hands. So, she’s aiming for what she thinks is my blind spot. Interesting, kunoichi. He sidesteps her easily, redistributing his weight, and continues reading. His eye never leaves the page.

Sakura makes a noise her mother would probably yell at her for in indignation, and tries again, throwing a kunai and using her body’s momentum while she turns forward to hook further to the left. Kakashi expects this, but what he doesn’t expect is Sasuke throwing a shuriken at the kunai with enough force to redirect it–– right into where Kakashi had sidestepped. Kakashi easily course-corrects, but still. Almost impressive.

“Maa, Sasuke-chan,” Kakashi smiles, “so you were paying attention to Izumi and Shisui! I’ll have to tell your lovely brother later.”

Sasuke grins, black eyes alight with the challenge before him. “Don’t tell onii-san, it’ll make next weekend more fun for all of us, won’t it?”

As he speaks, he runs headfirst into Kakashi, who begins to back up so he can flip Sasuke over with his momentum. As he moves his right foot back, he realizes he forgot to account for something very important.

Naruto, who had made a home for himself in a tree while Kakashi was distracted by his teammates, fell onto Kakashi’s back, wringing his arms around his neck. But rather than try to immediately overpower his sensei, Naruto starts swiping at Icha-Icha.

Not that Kakashi is particularly bothered, but trying to keep a definitely child-inappropriate book out of Naruto’s hands while dodging two other twelve-year-olds is more of a hindrance than he planned it to be. He can’t immerse himself in the world of the book as well as he wants to, which is more aggravating than anything else happening right now, to be frank.

“You know, Kaka-nii, it’s kinda rude to be reading while you’re supposed to be sparring with us, yaknow! The least you could do is pay attention!”

Sakura chimes in from where she’s sparring with Kakashi’s left arm and leg, focusing on taijutsu so she doesn’t interfere with the barrage of shuriken and kunai Sasuke is barreling their way. “Yeah, Kakashi-sensei! At least let us read what it says!”

Naruto tries to swipe the book again, and Kakashi thinks well, two birds with one stone, I guess. I can process the words easier and gross them out a little. Clearing his throat, he begins to read without inflection, “Hikaru let his hands trail up Haru’s milky white thigh, feeling the skin heat under his touch. ‘Hikaru, please… not there,’ Haru whimpers, which only seems to spur him on further as his hands–”

“OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP. PLEASE STOP PLEASE STOP I’M BEGGING YOU,” Naruto screams. He’s detached himself from Kakashi’s back for the sole purpose of smothering his ears under his hands.

This is the ugliest I’ve ever seen Sasuke-kun’s face, Sakura thinks, looking at him. His entire body is screwed up in sheer disgust, like he’s fighting his base instincts to simply explode on the spot.

“Kakashi-niisan.” Sasuke spits. “This has to be child abuse. This HAS TO BE CHILD ABUSE.” He squirms angrily for a second, and then, seeing Naruto and Sakura a viable distance away, unleashes the first jutsu of the day.

“KATON.”

The burst of flame barrels through the training ground, and Kakashi has to deftly flip over it as it approaches him, doing a quick water jutsu to extinguish it before it burns down the surrounding forest. Kakashi’s mask displaces a bit with the force of his sudden smile. Now we’re getting somewhere.

“That’s it, Sasuke! If you want to take those bells from me, you’re gonna have to attack to kill!”

And for a split second, Kakashi feels what Minato-sensei must have felt all those years ago, trying this same exercise on him, Obito, and Rin–– seeing their drive, seeing their haphazard attempts to silently communicate, to work together, seeing them try what they know and then become so desperate they try something they’ve never done before… seeing them grow from little Academy graduates to suitable genin right in front of his eyes. He sees it in them, the way Sakura gaze is  constantly volleying between Sasuke and Naruto’s attacks, not out of awe but so she can calculate the perfect opening for her next strike, the way Naruto creates a small platoon of kage-bunshin, not just to overwhelm Kakashi with their sheer number but to also run to his teammates’ sides and collude with them, the way Sasuke has started to loosen up, to become more impulsive, finally letting go of the Uchiha and Academy rigidity, finally finding some flow in his movements.

Maa, sensei… I’m kind of getting emotional. Maybe this won’t be so terrible after all. I kind of want to put away my book, can you believe that?

“Naruto!” He calls out, trying to fight through the sudden wave of sentimentality he feels. “Just because you’re moving a lot doesn’t mean you’re moving well! You’re not the Yellow Flash, so stop acting like it!”

Naruto is completely unphased. “Are you forgetting I’m literally twelve?” One of his kage-bunshin yells from somewhere in the forest. “Anyway, the Yellow Flash is half my DNA, I figure if I run enough the speed will come out eventually!’

Kakashi grunts under his breath from where he has to readjust his footing. Sakura’s just hit him with some kind of earth jutsu. It’s clearly not what she wanted from her expression, but it did the job, Kakashi thinks. And it’s actually not bad at all. Maybe I introduce affinities to them sooner rather than later…

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Naruto! You sound like Gai!”

A tree branch narrowly misses his head. Ah, he’s up there. “Makes sense! I’ve been running with him in the mornings these past few weeks!”

While Kakashi stores that tiny bit of information for later, he deals with Sakura. Or, well, his henge does. He hears her aggravated yell as the figure he was sparring with turns into a log and chuckles to himself where he’s hidden in a bush.

Then suddenly, eerily, everything goes quiet. Kakashi lifts his head from Icha-Icha (where, by the way, Haru was in the throes of pleasure, so it was really quite inconvenient timing). Nothing. The kids disappeared. Well, he can detect their chakras, so whatever. His head returns to his book.

“Haru, you feel so good…”

“Oh, Hikaru, stop, I’ll wake the neighbors—”

Wait. Kakashi shakes his head. What? Why did he hear that? I must be going crazy. He tries to find where he left off. Ah, yes, there.

“Ah, yes there!”

Okay, now this is getting weird. Kakashi lifts his head up, and he can’t believe what he sees.

The daintiest ankles, sinfully long legs, a dress that hits halfway down her milky white thigh–– WAIT.

This has to be a genjutsu. “Kai!” Kakashi grits out. Well, if it were, it would be damn good, that’s for sure.

But the figure in front of Kakashi doesn’t change. She tilts her head coquettishly. “Don’t recognize me, Kakashi-sama?” She asks coyly. “But you were just reading about me in your book, weren’t you?”

If Kakashi were less gobsmacked, he probably would’ve registered the two chakra masses creeping up behind him.

“Did I fall asleep?” Kakashi looks back and forth from the woman to the book. “Haru?”

“Haru” giggles, and sidles up to the man in front of her. “Oh, Kakashi,” she says, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” She flashes a wide, toothy smile as she runs her index finger down his masked jawline. He gulps. That smile is a bit too wide for her face, Kakashi finds himself thinking. Almost like…

But “Haru” is too fast. “NOW!” she yells, leaping back from him, transforming back into–– 

Kakashi feels like steam is about to come out of his ears. Or maybe like he’s about to melt into the floor. Or maybe like he should defect and become a missing-nin so he doesn’t have to sit through dinner tonight. Or maybe like he’s going to be imprisoned forever for the first-degree premeditated murder of his adopted younger brother. At least one of those things, for sure.

“NARUTO!”

Kakashi lunges forward, and then hears a jingle that stops him in his tracks.

Sasuke and Sakura each have a bell proudly dangling from their fingertips, Naruto beaming that same smile behind them.

“Well, there’s really only one thing I can say now,” Kakashi lets himself sit on the ground. “Naruto, I hope that display was worth it for you, because you’re still going without lunch with no bell.”

“WHAT?!”

“Maa, rules are rules, Naruto. I did say you weren’t going to get any special treatment from me. Didn’t I?”

Kakashi makes quick work of tying Naruto to the stump and stalks off, trying to figure out if there’s any way in hell he’d be able to live getting horniness get the better of him in the middle of his first training session. So much for exploiting the enemy’s weaknesses, huh Sensei?

While their teacher has their existential crisis, Dai-nana-han has a proper laugh about how they were able to defeat their sensei today.

“And did you see his face when he saw you? The way he looked back at the book? It was PRICELESS!” Sakura yowls over her bento. She imitates his shocked back-and-forth to Naruto and Sasuke’s raucous laughter.

“Did you hear how he—” Naruto wheezes, “How he said ‘KAI!’ all panicky because he thought he was under a—” he inhales deeply, “a GENJUTSU! He’s the ANBU COMMANDER!”

Sasuke’s eyes are welling up with tears, he’s laughing so hard. “When you told us that idea, I literally only went along because nothing else seemed to work! I cannot believe—” He tries to steady his breaths as he slaps the floor with glee, “I cannot believe he fell for it!” A thought hits him and he looks over at his teammates, trying to fight more laughter from coming out before he says anything. “CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT YOUR MOTHER WILL SAY?”

And the three dissolve into peals of laughter all over again.

“You know,” Naruto starts in between giggles, “I never thought my secret sexy-jutsu would come in handy like this!” His wrists make aborted movements from where they’re tied at his side, probably in an attempt to wipe the tears falling freely down his face. “I never thought…. I never thought! I really thought—” Naruto is rudely interrupted by a loud grumble.

Sakura stops. “Naruto. Was that your stomach?” She giggles.

Naruto has the decency to look sheepish. “Maa, Sakura-chan, I don’t get to have lunch like you and Sasuke-teme…” He trails off. “But! I’ll make up for it at dinner tonight, believe it!”

Sakura looks satisfied with that answer, but Sasuke doesn’t.

A second later, Sasuke is looking down the business end of a pair of chopsticks, and a grumpily proffered bento.

“Sasuke-kun! Kakashi-sensei told us explicitly we’re not allowed to share!” Sakura whisper-yells. “You know we get kicked off the team if he catches us eating!”

Naruto wages a quick internal battle with himself about the merits of being a shinobi versus the really good egg rolls he knows Mikoto makes. Being a shinobi wins out. “Ah, she’s right, Sasuke-kun… you really shouldn’t put yourself in a bad position for me. Like I said, I’ll have dinner!”

Sasuke grunts. “Hn. I don’t think Tsunade-sama will take kindly to how you won, though.” Naruto blanches at the thought. “Plus,” Sasuke cracks a conspiratorial little smile, “If Bakashi-sensei couldn’t sense two genin just because he was a little flustered, maybe he won’t catch you taking a bite of his food.”

Sakura heaves a great big sigh. “Alright, you big baby,” she gets on her knees and leans forward, “open up and be quick about it.”

Naruto flushes all the way down to his ankles. “Sakura-chan is feeding me. Sasuke, Sakura-chan is feeding me, are you seeing this!”

“Naruto, stop being weird or I’m not doing it.”

“Yes Sakura-sama.”

The three manage to get through almost their whole meal, alternating feeding Naruto every other bite–– (“I’m getting daimyo treatment!” Naruto crows. Sakura slaps him upside the head.)—when Kakashi shunshins down to the clearing.

Sasuke’s got his chopsticks halfway to Naruto’s mouth. A bit of rice falls through it. Nobody notices, because all three of them blanche.

Kakashi is still smarting from the humiliation of letting his little brother best him on his first day, so he tries to make this quick. At least Sakura doesn’t know me, he thinks dejectedly. I’m screwed with the boys.

“In the shinobi world, those who don’t obey their superiors and break the rules are trash.”

Naruto’s eyes widen like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. Sasuke is still frozen, as if he thinks Kakashi won’t be able to register what he’s doing as long as he remains entirely still. Sakura’s eyes look like they’re about to spill over with tears.

He lets those words sink in for a few beats. Did he run through this little bit with Gai and Genma last time they went out? Yeah, he did. Sue him. He likes to make an impression.

Kakashi lets his gaze fall on each of his genin individually, taking them and their reactions in. Naruto’s eyes have begun to glaze over, which Kakashi takes as his cue to relieve them from their suffering. Could’ve held out longer, too, after the treatment I got today, he grumbles internally, but I think Kushina would beat the shit out of me in my dreams tonight if I did.

He clears his throat, redirecting their attention to him—not that it ever left, anyway.

“But those that abandon their teammates, their friends, are worse than trash.”

He lets the words register in his students. Sees their horror transform into a sliver of hope amidst confusion, and lets himself smile.

Good for them.

“You’ve passed my test,” Kakashi says. He feels his own smile widen, mirroring the three kids in front of him. Minato, Obito, I wish you could see me now. You’d be shocked.

“Welcome to Team Seven.”

Chapter Text

To their credit, it was about a full month of rescuing cats from various unseemly places before dai-nana-han reaches their breaking point. The first week was filled with glee after having passed Kakashi’s additional genin exam—to Kakashi’s chagrin, and everybody else’s glee. Kakashi couldn’t look Genma or Gai in the eye for at least three days.

The confrontation went something like this, by the way:

Deafening silence. Until:

“Do not worry, my rival! It’s only natural for you to be shocked at the sheer talent of our dear Naruto and his new teammates!”

A snort. “Right. That’s what he was shocked about.”

Gai’s grin remains plastered to his face. “Well, of course, the leg of a beautiful woman—”

“THAT’S OUR BROTHER!”

“Quiet down, Kakashi, do you want them to hear you?” Kakashi looks appropriately chastened, so Gai continues, “Yes, our precious Naruto has some tricks up his sleeve we aren’t aware of. I’m personally very proud of his skills as a shinobi. Was it not us that drilled into him to do his research and find out his opponent’s weakness?”

Genma smirks around his senbon and leans back in the chair (“—Genma, my precious comrade, be careful! I’m not explaining that to Tsunade-sama again!––”). “Pretty sure it only worked because you weren’t available, Maito Gai-sama.”

“What on earth could you possibly––” Gai starts, while Kakashi hisses,

“SHUT UP!”

Gai’s furry brows disappear under his fringe as he looks between Genma and Kakashi.

“Shiranui. Genma. Don’t. Say. Another. Word,” Kakashi grits out.

Genma looks far too pleased with himself.      

“Oh!” Gai flushes a very pretty shade of pink, a thought which Kakashi is going to take with him to the grave, because he is a jonin, godsdammit, and he will not fall prey to the charms of a shinobi who wears a bright green jumpsuit, for fucks sake. Unaware of Kakashi’s internal grappling, Gai says again, “Oh! Oh, that’s very.”

Kakashi counts to ten slowly, and then back from ten even slower. And then once again where he tries to name an animal that begins with the same sound as each number. “Very what.” Genma snickers. “Oh, fuck off Genma.”

“Then stop acting like a teenager,” Genma shoots back far too quickly for Kakashi’s taste, “I can’t believe I do all the work around here.”

“I’m being humiliated again. Again, Gai, in my own home. Can you believe that?” Kakashi catches himself. “Wait. Very what?”

“Holy shit, this is excruciating. Gai, how do you deal with this?”

Gai flashes Genma a thumbs up. “It’s easy to, when it’s such a worthy rival!”

Genma looks back at Kakashi. “Are you seeing this. Do you get this?” He leans over and raps Kakashi upside the head. “Do you even use this thing?”

“I—” Kakashi flounders.

Thankfully, Tenzo chooses that moment to come downstairs and make tea. “What’s all the noise about?”

“Kakashi being emotionally inept.”

“Again?”

Gai laughs. “Him and Sai!”

Kakashi looks at Gai, betrayed. “You agree with him?”

“Kakashi-senpai….” Tenzo looks at Genma. “Is this what I think it’s about?” Genma nods solemnly, so Tenzo turns back to Kakashi. “You shouldn’t even be asking Gai-senpai that question. That’s just more proof against you.”

Genma howls with laughter, and even Gai chuckles.

Genma points his senbon at Kakashi threateningly as he gets up to pour their cups. “You think about this conversation. Use your other eye, if you have to. I don’t think I can take another week of this.”

Kakashi looks to Gai imploringly, but Gai is too focused on his hands to respond. What. Kakashi wants to drown himself in his teacup.

Thankfully, going over Kakashi’s embarrassment with Tsunade is much shorter. And less… confusing.

At their next meeting, she looks up from the frankly terrifying amount of strewn paperwork across her desk. “Hello, Hornykashi.”

Kakashi reminds himself that murdering the Hokage is probably treason, even if it’s for, like, a really good reason. “Kay. Is that what you called me here for?”

Tsunade turns back to her paperwork. “Pretty much. Keep those books under a seal or something. And your head out of your ass, too, for good measure.”

Seppuku sounds really appealing to Kakashi right now, even if he isn’t a samurai. “Yes ma’am.”

“Glad we had this chat.” She stamps something with her seal. “Now get out of my office. Dinner’s at 8 tonight, I have a meeting with the elders.”

Kakashi nods, and gets the hell out of dodge.

After that first week, there were the two weeks of happy medium, where Kakashi was only semi-frequently reminded that he was momentarily horny to the point of idiocy because of his twelve-year-old brother. Conversely, Kakashi was semi-frequently able to exact revenge on them by… perhaps purposefully… provoking certain cats to climb even higher in certain trees. Nobody could prove that though. And the team completed every mission without any extra trouble, so really, it was no trouble and no big deal at all. More character-building than anything else, really, if we’re being honest. He’s doing them a service and grooming them for higher-ranking missions.

 I deserve to die, Kakashi thinks. I used to be personal guard to the Hokage. I used to guard Konoha’s jinchuuriki. He looks down at his genin, where Naruto and Sakura are trying to hog-tie a cat so it doesn’t scratch them, and Sasuke’s avoiding eye contact because he has a soft spot for cats— just not this one, it seems, judging by the gash on his cheek–– and now I’m trying to one-up prepubescents. I hate it here. Kakashi’s feeling a little testy, so he sends a little spark of chidori through the tree trunk into the ground, startling the cat further and letting it writhe out of Naruto’s grip.

Ah, how the mighty have fallen.

And that takes up most of dai-nana-han’s time until today. Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto sit (in that order, because Sakura had tried to punch Naruto earlier for suggesting Tora-chan, the rescued cat of the daimyo’s wife, was much prettier than Sakura-chan and could she try to be nicer?) at the Ichiraku ramen stand, far more exhausted than any of them should have been at a simple cat retrieval mission.

Naruto slurps his noodles noisily “Wha I do’ ge,” he says, speaking around the hot broth on his mouth, “I ow Aa-ee an oo is.”

Sasuke and Sakura look at him blankly. “Dobe. Repeat yourself. Without miso in your mouth.”

A big gulp and drink of water. “What I don’t get is how Kaka-nii can do this,” Naruto repeats. “I mean, he spent years being ANBU Commander, believe it! And now he’s happy just sitting around watching us catch cats?”

Sakura snorts. “The same cat. Over and over again. You’d think the daimyo’s wife would get the message that the poor animal hates her.”

Naruto nods, brandishing his chopsticks in agreement. “I mean, if I had to go home to that lady every night, I’d constantly try to run away too!”

“You have to think of it from Kakashi-niisan’s perspective. It’s aggravating as all hell for us, but he gets free entertainment and time carved out of his day to read his,” Sasuke shudders a bit and lowers his volume, “Icha-icha.”

“I’m just so tired of doing the same thing every day! I know being a shinobi isn’t always cool missions and battles and stuff, but is it crazy to hope for even ONE cool experience!”

“Honestly, it makes me hate going home in the evenings. Every time my mother asks me what I did today I have to say ‘catching stray cats’! And then I have to hear her grumbling about how she could get civilians to do that for less pay, so why am I bothering to be a kunoichi in the first place?” Sakura bangs her head on the table beneath her, the force of it slopping the remaining ramen broth in her bowl around.

“Onii-san does say that the first few years are tough,” Sasuke pokes at his food, “But he doesn’t really have a valid opinion. They pulled him from the Academy early to join a genin team, and he was already a jonin by our age…”

“Sasuke-teme, are you pouting?”

Sasuke turns red immediately. “NO! IDIOT! IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!”

“You know, Sasuke-kun, I never expected you to be the one to get flustered and start calling everybody idiots. I think even Naruto-kun is more creative with his insults than you.”

Naruto crows with laughter. “Sasuke-teme, did you hear that?” He leans over and starts shaking Sasuke’s shoulders. Sasuke’s pout has morphed into something far more petulant, and he refuses to make eye contact with anybody. “SASUKEEEEEE!!!” He turns and sees Teuchi bring in their next orders. “Ah! Teuchi-jiji! Over here, over here!”

With a mouth full of ramen again, Naruto begins to calm down from the high of a rare compliment from Sakura, and gets back down to business.

“Sho—” He starts around a mouthful of mushroom.

“Swallow.” Sakura cuts in.

He does. “So,” Naruto restarts. “We can all agree we’re sick and tired of our missions as they are, right?” He looks to his teammates, who nod begrudgingly.

Naruto offers them a bright, mischievous smile. And for once, it doesn’t fill the other two with dread.

“I think it’s time we start taking advantage of who my mother is, don’t you think?”

Dai-nana-han stands in front of the Hokage’s desk, where only the top of Tsunade’s head is visible above the mountains of paperwork.

“Shizune!” She barks.

“Hi, everybody,” Shizune moves some stacks around and reveals Tsunade’s face. “It’s been a long day. Even Tonton is getting tired.” The pearl-clad pig oinks. “See?”

Tsunade waves Shizune off, and pulls, even to Kakashi’s trained gaze, a completely random sheet of paper from one of the indiscernible piles littering her workspace. “Right. Now, the next assignment for Kakashi’s dai-nana-han will be…” She drums her perfectly manicured red nails on the table, reading from the list of options. “Hm… to baby-sit for the elders, oh god no, Naruto you’re terrible with kids, to run errands to the neighboring village… To help dig sweet potatoes—”

Naruto looks at Sasuke and Sakura. They nod, and he launches his plan.

“NO WAY! NO THANK YOU! BOOOORING! Give us something different to do! Something important. Something…. AMAZING!”

Tsunade looks completely unimpressed. “You’re only a beginner, you utter fool. The point of these missions is to get experience and work your way up to bigger things.”

“We’ve done tons of small stuff!” Naruto whines. “Can’t we get some action?”

“Maa, Naruto, that’s enough. Knock it off, would you?”

Sakura takes her cue. “Tsunade-sama… Obviously it is your decision, but I know I would love to…” Sakura thinks of the way her mother would word her request, “expand… our shinobi horizons more comprehensively.”

Tsunade’s brows arch under her fringe. “Oh?”

Sasuke cuts in. “It’s true, Tsunade-sama… Onii-san is always telling me about the missions he was able to do at my age, and I don’t know how many more times I can tell my parents I spent the day gardening before they start thinking I’m incompetent.”

“Kid, you know us putting you on smaller missions for longer is precisely to avoid what happened with your brother, right? You do know that.”

“I do.” Sasuke holds the Hokage’s gaze. “But things have changed. You’ve made sure of that.” Tsunade dips her chin to show acknowledgement, and Sasuke continues, “And I’m not my brother.”

Kakashi’s eye slides over to his student. Sasuke has mellowed out over the years, it’s true, but sometimes he forgets that Uchiha fire that lights him from the inside still exists. He can see it now, though, bright and clear.

Naruto can see Tsunade breaking, so he pulls out his trump card. “Kaa-chan, I want to be able to show the village I can do a mission. Please. I want to show the civilians I’m more than the troublemaking screwup they think I am. Please, mom.”

As soon as Naruto finishes talking, Kakashi knows it’s a done deal. Mom. Naruto almost never calls Tsunade that, and everybody knows she’s soft to it.

Naruto stares at his adopted mother somehow both defiantly and pleadingly. I wonder if the nine-tails gives him more capacity for emotion, Kakashi thinks, despite himself.

Tsunade takes a deep breath. “I am going to be in so much trouble for this later.” She leans back in her chair. “Shizune!” she gestures, and then takes the offered pipe when Shizune hands it to her. She does a small fire jutsu, and takes a long drag. “All right. Since you put it that way…” Tsunade leans forward on the desk (displacing more papers. Shizune makes a face.) and leans over her folded hands. “I will permit you to attempt a C-grade task—usually reserved for chuunin. A guardianship.”

At this, the team immediately perks up. Surprisingly, it’s Sakura with the outburst. “Who is it? Some lord? The daimyo? A princess?”

“Compose yourself. I’ll perform the introductions.” She looks over at Shizune. “Please, invite him in.”

At this, the entirety of dai-nana-han, including Kakashi—a rarity for sure–– stood up straighter. And even rarer, all four of them shared one single, bemused thought.

That was so damn easy.

They all watch as a clearly inebriated man stumbled through the entryway, brandishing a sake bottle. “What’s going on here?” He takes another swig. “They look like a bunch of wet-nosed brats—” he burps, and Sakura makes a face. “Especially the midget,” he continues, uncaring of his attitude, “He’s got the face of an imbecile. It’s a joke, right? You kids aren’t really ninja, are you?”

Naruto speaks up first, because, well, of course he does. “Haha! Who’d you mean, which midget? Which imbeci—” Kakashi huffs a laugh under his mask, and Naruto suddenly becomes painfully aware of the fact that, as he looks to either side, he’s eye-level with Sakura and Sasuke’s noses. “I’LL KILL HIM!”

“Wrong. No killing the old man you’ve been assigned to protect.”

“Shishou, are you going to do anything about this?”

“Do I look like somebody who gives a damn? Pass me my pen.”

“I am Tazuna,” the stranger–– or, not stranger–– starts again. “A bridge builder of ultimate renown.” Sasuke levels Naruto with an unimpressed look, and the two snicker. “Until I am safely back in my own country, where I’ll be completing my next bridge, you’ll all be expected to protect me…” He pauses for dramatic effect, letting his gaze sweep around the room. Sakura does her best to stop herself from gagging from the stench of alcohol wafting off of him. “Even if it costs you your lives!”

“ALL RIGHT! ROAD TRIP!”

“The Fifth Hokage is your mother?” Tazuna asks as they walk through the forest surrounding Konoha. “Then why are you so… like that?”

Not for the first time, Kakashi internally weighs the pros and cons of murdering his charge and then blaming it on the… wind, or something.

“You’re far too drunk at 7am to comment on Naruto, Tazuna-san,” Sasuke shoots from behind the two of them.

Naruto blushes. “Don’t fight my battles for me, teme!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d stop being a damn doormat, dobe.”

“Just because I don’t respond doesn’t mean I’m being a doormat! Why should I give a damn what a drunkard thinks, anyway! He’s not even from here, why waste more energy?”

We could totally show him though, brat.

No, Kurama. How many times do I have to tell you. Beating up people who think I’m bad really doesn’t do anything except prove them right! Naruto grumbles internally.

“Boy, why do you look constipated?”

“Shut up! I’m having a conversation here!” Naruto breaks for a second. Now look what you’ve done, Kurama. You’ve made people think I need to take a shit.

Kurama chuffs. Ha. Good.

Hey!

Don’t blame me. No damn entertainment down here. You haven’t even got me my tree yet.

I told you I would as soon as I learned how to! I’m a shinobi, not a magician!

Man.

Tazuna turns to Kakashi. “Is the boy sick?”

Kakashi wonders what would happen if he killed everybody here and then himself. He decides against it. He doesn’t want to have to explain that to Mikoto and Fugaku. Instead, he thinks of what Gai would do. So he plasters the biggest smile he can muster, uncaring of the mask that covers it and stretches uncomfortably, and says “No! The boy is a jinchuuriki.”

Tazuna considers this. “So he is sick.”

“Tazuna-san, I know we’re protecting you, but you’re really making it hard for me not to punch you square in the jaw right now. I doubt you’d even feel it though. You’re so drunk you can’t even walk straight—get back here!” Naruto has to use most (jeez, how heavy is this guy anyway?) of his upper body strength to guide Tazuna back to the middle of the road.

“See? This is what I’m saying,” Tazuna drawls. “So unnecessarily violent.”

“Tazuna-sama,” Sakura interjects, trying to make her voice as saccharine as possible. Tazuna, that dirty old man, buys into it instantly.

“See? At least one of you knows how to respect your elders. And she’s so pretty too, isn’t she? What is it, dearie?”

Sakura sidles up to Tazuna and flashes him a large, toothy smile. He simpers even more. Sakura bats her eyelashes. Then: “WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND WALK?”

Tazuna is gobsmacked, and he’s not the only one. Kakashi thinks his one good eye might fall out of its socket. Careful there, Bakashi, he can hear Obito saying. I already gave you the one!

Sasuke recovers first. “Well, you heard her, old man,” He walks up past the group, and gives Sakura’s head a little scruff and a smirk as he passes by her. “Get marching.”

Naruto bumps shoulders with her, too, and offers her a thankful little grin. “Thanks, Sakura-chan. I like when you get loud, yaknow?”

Sakura takes a second to look at him, examining the bright yellow hair on her—ugh, can’t believe I’m thinking this now—friend. “Yeah?”

Naruto nods. “Yeah. Screw what your mom thinks. You’re a kunoichi, believe it!”

At that, Sakura feels her lips curl in an answering grin of her own, and she hip checks Naruto. “Alright, midget. Eyes front.”

“Yes, Sakura-sama.”

Laughing to herself, Sakura begins to comb out her hair where Sasuke had mussed it up earlier, when she spots something.

“TAZUNA-SAN, GET BEHIND ME.”

The four other men startle.

“Sakura. What’s going on?” Sasuke starts, immediately scanning the trees.

She gets in fighting stance and looks at Kakashi. She jerks her chin in the direction of the small puddle she was gazing in to fix her hair.

“It hasn’t rained in weeks. Why is there a puddle here?”

Kakashi whistles under his breath. “Good work, Sakura-chan.” He takes a step closer to the puddle, where the water begins to gently ripple without the aid of wind. “She’s right. Everybody behind me!” He barks. “Now!”

Strictly speaking, the interaction is quick. Zabuza is in and out of that puddle like it’s his favorite thing in the world, and nobody but Naruto is injured in any real way.

There was that truly stupid declaration with the kunai in his hand, Sasuke thinks as the group continues walking towards the Land of Waves, but you can’t deny he’s got a flair for the dramatic. No wonder he and Shisui-niisan get on so well. Leave the two of them alone, we’ll have a full production before sundown. Sasuke snorts.

Naruto, still testy from being called out for freezing earlier, jumps. “Oi, teme! Whatchu laughing at?”

Sasuke rolls his eyes. “Stop talking like you’re an old drunkard. We already have one of those and it’s already too much.”

“Oi!” Tazuna yells from behind them. Sasuke levels Naruto with a look that says, see? And Naruto huffs, conceding the point.

“Kakashi. I gotta tell you something,” Tazuna starts again.

“Ah, good,” Kakashi smiles. “I was waiting when you were gonna come clean about lying to us.”

The genin jump. “WHAT?”

Kakashi looks at his kids wryly. “What, you thought getting ambushed on a simple escort mission was normal? C’mon, kids, I had to have taught you better than that.” While they contemplate that little nugget of wisdom, Kakashi turns back to Tazuna. “Well? Oh, and kids, let’s sit down. This is probably gonna take a second. Let your legs rest for a second.”

It’s almost as if somebody cut their strings. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke all immediately make a home for themselves on the dirt, completely uncaring of their clothes, or how, frankly, fucking ridiculous they all look. Whatever, Kakashi thinks. They’re tired.

Kakashi can barely hear Tazuna over the sounds of all three of his genin loudly gulping all the water they can reach. “There’s a real scary man that wants to see me dead.”

Kakashi has heard this maybe a thousand times before, give or take. So he plays his part. “A ‘real scary’ man?” God, I hope that was convincing.

“You’ve probably heard of him…” Tazuna trails off, letting the tension build.

“We don’t have time for you to be dramatic,” Kakashi snaps. Damn, maybe I’m thirsty too. “Who is it?”

“Gato.”

Okay, now Kakashi is a little shocked.

“Gato? You mean… of Gato shipping and transportation?”

Tazuna nods solemnly. “It was just a year ago that he set his sights on the Land of Waves. It was under the guise of a business venture, but then he began to incite violence throughout the land. And in practically no time, he’d taken over our entire marine transportation and shipping industries. The only thing standing in the way of his complete monopoly is the construction of the bridge.”

Sakura pipes up. “And because you’re the guy building the bridge, you’re the only thing standing in his way, huh?”

Tazuna nods.

“No wonder you sobered up so quickly,” Naruto mumbles to Sasuke and Sakura.

“Murder does that, I heard,” Sakura replies sardonically.

“So that means,” Sasuke redirects the conversation, “That the ninja who attacked us were working for Gato.”

“Okay. Now explain to us why you lied.”

At this, Tazuna has the decency to at least look a little ashamed. “Well… The Wave isn’t really prosperous… I only had money for a C-Rank. But if you turn away from me now… then I’m as good as dead.”

Kakashi thinks he knows what’s coming next. He hopes he’s wrong.

Tazuna laughs loudly. “But oh well! That’s not your concern! You won’t be there to see my daughter and ten-year-old son—about your age, kiddies, am I right?—cry all day like their hearts are breaking! It’ll just be them!” Tazuna looks around again for good measure, “Because I’ll be dead! DEAD!”

Fuck, I hate it when I’m right. Worst mission for hire of all time.

Kakashi makes the executive decision to be done with this man’s bullshit for the day. He looks at his three kids and decides, yeah, they won’t be mad. Great. He claps his hands together. “Aaaaaalright! Let’s make camp. I want us to be more prepared for whatever we’ve got in store, so let’s get to wave and get to sleep.” He gives Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura a genuine smile, hidden from Tazuna. “We’ll start training tomorrow.”

They perk up.

“Did I hear that right?” Naruto bounds to his feet. “Did everybody else hear that?”

Sakura joins him. “Ooh, Naruto-kun, I think I did too! This better not be a genjutsu!”

Sasuke looks up at them from where he still sits on the ground. Sakura and Naruto stare. Sasuke stares back. Sakura raises an eyebrow. Sasuke heaves a great big sigh his mother would probably laugh at, and relents.

“Kai,” says, begrudgingly.

Merrily unaffected by Sasuke’s indifference, Sakura and Naruto jump around. “Nothing happened! No genjutsu! Training!”

“Training! Training! Sasuke-kun, we’re training!”

Sasuke finally gets up and starts walking. Naruto and Sakura look at him bemusedly, until Sasuke turns back and gives them a competitive little smirk.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Tomorrow, you’re going down.”

But the next day, Sasuke wishes he had never said that from where his back hits the grass next to Naruto.

Sakura looks down at them gleefully from the tree branch she successfully walked up to. “Sasuke-kun, who’s going down again?”

Sasuke looks at Kakashi petulantly, who is too busy reading his stupid book to pay attention to him. He snarls up at Sakura. “That was a fluke, Haruno. Let’s go again.”

“Hey!” Naruto sits up. “What about me?”

“Well then stand up, dumbass, and get practicing. We thought you were still napping.” Sasuke helps Naruto stand, and, in a particularly Naruto-ish move, purposefully overdoes it on the yank up, and sends Naruto hurling back to the ground, face-first.

“SASUKE-TEME, I SWEAR.”

“Heh. Sorry. Had to.”

Naruto grumbles dramatically as he stands and dusts himself off. “Yeah, yeah. Sakura, you coming back down?”

“Coming!” Sakura calls, and then smoothly jumps from the tree branch and lands perfectly fine on her feet. Naruto and Sasuke share a disgruntled look. “What?” Sakura asks. “Scared?”

Thirty seconds later finds the three of them in the exact same spots they were a few minutes ago.

“I don’t get it, Kaka-nii,” Naruto whines. “Why is it so hard for me and teme but so easy for Sakura-chan? Is it a girl thing?”

That gets Kakashi’s head out of that book. Good, Sasuke thinks, or we’ll get Naruto to henge again. Kakashi-niisan needs to focus!

“Naruto, are you dumb?”

Sakura nearly falls off the tree branch laughing while Naruto sputters. “HEY!”

“Sorry. But seriously, it’s obviously not a girl thing. It’s a control thing.” Kakashi closes his book. “I guess it’s time for me to actually teach you a thing or two about a thing or two, huh? Come here, my cute little genin, Kakashi-sensei is gonna give you a quick lesson.”

“Never refer to yourself in the third person again.”

The four members of dai-nana-han sit in a small circle under the shade of a conveniently placed tree. Kakashi looks around for a quick second, then finds what he was looking for—a small but sturdy twig. He draws the outline of a person in the dirt.

“This is a person,” He says.

“Well done, Kaka-nii, we didn’t know you were an artist too.” Kakashi takes the twig and raps it on the top of Naruto’s head. “Ow!”

Kakashi starts again. “This is a person.” He draws little circles on a few points within the person. “And these,” he says as he goes down the list: the top of the head, the neck, “Are the body’s main chakra passageways,” the sternum, the base of the spine, “And the secondary, but powerful passages of chakra.” The wrists, the knees, the feet. He looks up to see if his students are following.

Nobody has zoned out yet. Good.

“Chakra circulates like your blood, which you learned in the Academy. And shinobi are those people who can both sense and influence the movement of chakra. The difference between shinobi, and, say, health professionals, is that while they can definitely sense the flow, and sometimes stoppage, of chakra in the body, they can’t do anything besides help ease the flow by manipulating the external body. Shinobi, on the other hand, can internally redirect, increase, and decrease the flow of chakra.”

Kakashi fills in the bottom half of the person he drew. “In terms of ability, then, most people are about at this level, which seems like a lot, but it’s actually not. This is what accounts for when people feel sore, tense, or just off. And to the untrained civilian, it’s what accounts for that feeling of being watched, or déjà vu, or any of those weird, prickly feelings. It’s the body trying to tell there’s chakra other than you present—chakra you may or may not have encountered before. But if you’re not trained to detect it, you’ll just feel that weirdness people talk about. Make sense?”

Sakura and Sasuke nod. Naruto doesn’t.

“Wait, but then, how do civilians know when to enroll their kids in the Academy? I thought it was just a matter of people wanting to train?”

Kakashi smiles under his mask. Sometimes his stupid little brother isn’t so stupid after all. He looks over to Sakura and raises his visible brow. “Well, Sakura-chan?”

She looks startled to be addressed so suddenly. “What?”

“Why did your parents decide to enroll you in the Academy?”

At this, Sakura squirms a little sheepishly. “Well, I was kind of stubborn about it. I was a pretty loud and obnoxious baby, I’m told, and I always thought really strong kunoichi—like Tsunade-sama! Were so cool. I wanted to be just like them.”

“That’s not exactly what happened though, is it?”

“No…” Sakura looks a little wistful here. “I remember after going home after playing with Ino for the first time, and hearing about the Yamanakas. I basically begged my mother to let me into the Academy, and I ended up throwing a tantrum so loud the entire building complex heard it.”

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged surprised looks. Remind me not to get on Sakura-chan’s bad side, Naruto raised his brows. Sasuke huffed a little in response. A little hard for you, dobe.

“And you were how old, Sakura-chan?”

Sakura flushes a little. “Four, I think.”

“Don’t worry. I had no idea about that specific incident, so don’t think I was trying to embarrass you.” Kakashi tries to reassure her. “But I figured something like that must have happened. The reason your mother relented was likely not just because you were loud. Anybody want to guess why that incident let Sakura into the Academy?”

Faced with three equally blank expressions, Kakashi tries again.

“Sakura, do you remember what you were feeling in those moments? Where you yelled really loud?”

Sakura lets herself think about it for a second. “I remember feeling really desperate,” she hums. “I wanted to be a kunoichi so bad, and it felt like my parents just weren’t hearing me and what I wanted. So I wanted to make them listen.”

Kakashi smiles, happy to have been proven correct. “Anybody want to try guessing again?”

Sasuke looks critically at Sakura, then at the outline in the dirt. “Throat chakra?”

“Yes, exactly. Sakura was only able to amplify her voice so much because she increased the flow of chakra to her throat, where her voice box is located. For a four-year-old to accomplish such a feat, especially as a civilian, is remarkable. I’m sure somebody brought that up to your parents, Sakura-chan, and made the case that directing such an ability would be far wiser than letting it grow unchecked.”

Sakura looks shocked. “You mean… that was a good thing?”

“You demonstrated genius-levels of chakra awareness and control, Sakura-chan. You unconsciously knew exactly what needed to be done to raise your voice, even if you didn’t have the vocabulary to do it, and achieved your goal spectacularly. Your precision is innately much higher than a genin-level, which only helped you. Frankly, I’m not surprised at all you were the top scorer in the Academy.”

Naruto and Sasuke gape, and Sakura turns about the same shade of pink as her hair. “But. I thought Sasuke-kun came first in the exams?”

Sasuke shakes his head. “We tied, Sakura.” He looks at Kakashi, who nods subtly. “And because you didn’t have a clan education and the benefit of training outside of school like me and Naruto, you effectively placed first. You did better than everybody else with less experience.”

Sakura looks down at her hands like she didn’t even know she weas capable of doing something that well. “I thought it was just because I was a good paper-nin…”

“Stop selling yourself short, Sakura-chan! You’re smart and cool and a good kunoichi, believe it!”

Kakashi smiles, despite himself. “For once, that idiotic catchphrase is right. Believe it! You were able to focus the flow of your chakra to your throat, just like you were intuitively able to focus the flow of your chakra to your feet, and ensure it was the correct amount.”

“Correct amount?”

“Yes. And that’s why the two of you aren’t getting it.” Kakashi draws a little a line underneath the person. “This is the ground you’re walking on. And when you walk normally, you don’t fall down, right?”

“Do you think we’re stupid?”

“Yeah, a little, my precious little Sasuke-kun. That’s why I’m explaining this.”

Naruto laughs. “Stop pouting, teme!”

“I’m not. Ugh. Anyway. No, we don’t fall down.”

“Right. But sometimes you do.”

“Kaka-nii, now even I think you sound a little stupid.”

“Shut up, Naruto. When do you fall down when you’re moving around normally?”

They take a moment to think about it. “Well, when we lose our balance, or we’re knocked over, or something,” Sakura says.

“Right. And what causes that?”

“Kakashi-niisan, can you just explain. This is not working.”

“You guys have no faith in me,” Kakashi mutters. “Fine then. Let’s make this quick. When you walk on the ground, you’re exerting a force onto it—your normal body weight. And the ground is actually exerting a force back on to you, which is why it doesn’t change every time you take a step. But when you have additional force put on you–– from a blow that lands well, or you trip over something, it disturbs the equal distribution of force, and makes you fall.

“And that’s not even counting for chakra. When you try to walk up a tree, or on water, your chakra acts as an additional method of exerting force that doesn’t have to comply with regular, human rules of gravity. This is why shinobi are regarded as special, even though everybody has chakra.”

Kakashi draws a vertical line next to the figure. “This is the tree.”

“Wow, you’re an artist.”

“Naruto, we’ll all pack up tomorrow while you’re asleep and leave you here to die, I’m serious.”

“Whatever.”

“Anyway. This is the tree.” He draws a large downward arrow next to it. “This is the force of gravity that your body exerts, and this,” Kakashi draws a smaller, horizontal arrow, “Is your body’s mass, which you exert onto the tree. To make sure you stay on the tree, what do you have to do?”

Sasuke answers immediately: “Make sure you have enough chakra to equalize gravity.”

Kakashi’s visible eye crinkles up into a smile. “Exactly. Very good, Sasuke.” Sasuke huffs, a pleased little smile threatening to break his façade of nonchalance.

“Sakura has intuitively understood this, and has not only understood that she needs a specific amount of chakra to just stand on the tree, but that maintaining it is the key to walking up with ease. The issue with you boys is that you manage to get one foot up, and you become confident, right?”

Naruto and Sasuke nod.

“Right. So then you instinctively direct more chakra into your feet, because you think it’ll give you more power,” Kakashi looks at Naruto for this, “and get you up there faster, right?” The boys nod again. “Wrong. You have to maintain a steady flow of chakra to your feet. All of you are in different places, and all of you need different things. So we’re going to split up for training now, and I’ll do my rounds to help each of you. Okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay!”

“Hit me!” Sasuke takes Naruto up on it. “YEOWCH! TEME, I’LL BEAT YOU, JUST YOU WATCH!” Then suddenly, Naruto pauses. “Wait, Kaka-nii. If Sasuke-teme and I are having the same issues, why aren’t he and I still training together?”

“Clingy much?” Sakura jokes.

“Sakura-chan. You know I love youuuuuuu!”

“Ugh, I do. Now shut up.”

“Hehehe.”

Kakashi grimaces. “You guys are so gross. But Naruto, you pose a good question. You and Sasuke do have the same struggles, but for completely different reasons.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sasuke, you just need to work on control. But Naruto, you’re a jinchuuriki, and that presents problems— because you have massive stores of chakra, far more than a normal person. And you have to figure out how to release and control your chakra while maintaining restraint over the Kyuubi’s—” he stops himself at the look on Naruto’s face, “Sorry, Kurama’s, chakra. Especially because you tend to get very emotional, and his chakra seeps through when you experienced heightened emotions.”

Naruto holds his stomach gently, like he can feel the pool of chakra Kakashi’s talking about rumbling beneath his skin. “So… what does that mean for me?”

“I’ll get to that in a second. Let me give the others their assignments first.” Naruto nods, so Kakashi continues, “Sakura, I want you to strip.”

The three genin’s jaws drop, and Naruto lunges towards his brother. “KAKA-NII I SWEAR TO GOD I’M THROWING THOSE BOOKS AWAY—”

Kakashi starts frantically backpedaling while Naruto tries to strangle him with his small, grubby hands, “WAIT, FUCK, NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL, SAKURA I’M SO SORRY I JUST WANT YOU TO PRACTICE WATER WALKING!”

Naruto pulls back. “You are like. The worst at communication, yaknow.” Sakura still hasn’t said anything. “Sakura-chan, you okay?”

She nods. “I figured that’s what Kakashi-sensei meant, anyway. We’re by a stream, and water isn’t static. It’ll help my control.”

Sasuke wrinkles his nose. “What does stripping have to do with that?”

“I don’t want to get my outer layers wet, dummy. I’ll just wear the linings, they’ll dry faster when I fall.”

“Okay, now that we’ve got that sorted, so sorry again Sakura-chan, jeez, Sasuke, you’ll continue with tree-walking. Nothing builds intuition like experience. And Naruto, I don’t think I can help you with your training right now.”

“Wait, why not? Didn’t you just say you would?”

Kakashi nods. “I did, just not that this moment. The first thing you need to do is train with Kurama and figure out how to manage a chakra exchange between the two of you. I don’t know what jinchuurikis generally do in these situations—I know Kushina didn’t have a relationship with the Kyuubi—but because you want to make one, I figure it might be more efficient than simple trial and error. Think you can do that?”

Naruto nods vigorously. “I even got my journal in case something like this happened, believe it!”

“Well then,” Kakashi looks around to his students. “What are you waiting for? Scatter!”

Sakura, barefoot and clad in just her shorts and undershirt, stands on the bank of the stream, contemplating. So, should I use my body, or my chakra, or both? Or… Should I just trust my instincts here? She shakes out her body. Well, I hope the water isn’t cold. Fuck it.

She takes a step, and immediately falls in—but only to her left knee. Huh. Okay. So I got it, it just took a second… interesting. Sakura thinks back to that diagram Kakashi had drawn, with the arrows of various sizes. So my gravity arrow is bigger than my chakra right now… So I need to increase the force of my chakra. How do I….

She gingerly moves her right leg from where it was suspended behind her to step in front of the water, and imagines she’s stepping on jelly. Something light, something mushy. More delicate. Sakura rolls around her ankle before meeting the top of the water, trying to get some physicality into her movement, and then gingerly places her foot on the water.

It wobbles, but she doesn’t fall—Holy shit. It’s working! IT’S WORKING!

Quickly, trying not to lose her momentum, she takes her left foot back out of the water and moves it to stand straight up. Sakura closes her eyes, and feels the water underneath her. Not just the frigidity and the wetness, but the movement of the waves and the energy the ripples create. Instantly, Sakura realizes she can tune into every microscopic movement of the water, and even—oh wow—faintly detect the fish and frogs swimming beneath her. She starts walking, one foot in front of the other, then going faster, breaking into a jog and then a full sprint, water splashing around her feet as she goes. She does a lap, back and forth beneath the trees, before she feels confident enough to call out,

“KAKASHI-SENSEI! C’MERE!”

Instantly, he shunshins over, expecting to see her flailing in the water. Kakashi feels his jaw drop under his mask looking at his student, already jumping up and down on the surface of the water, not even wet.

Kakashi clears his throat. “Did you… Just figure out how to do that?”

Sakura preens. “Well, I put one foot in and I sunk to my knee before my intuition kicked in. And then I thought about your diagram and figured out how to equate the force! And then it was just a matter of making sure I was a little aware of how the water moved and everything beneath it, which wasn’t hard because I could kinda naturally sense it already, so then I could just run around! I haven’t started using my hands though. Wouldn’t it be cool to do cartwheels and stuff on here? Wait! Maybe—”

Sakura does a fucking cartwheel. Kakashi takes a deep breath, and looks to the boys. Thankfully, they’re both too in their own worlds to notice. The competition would’ve distracted them from the rest of the day.  

“My precious little Sakura-chan,” Kakashi wheezes, “I think you might be a genius.”

The sheer light of the smile she gives Kakashi in return, all teeth and scrunched eyes, makes him think it might actually be worth it when she becomes a monster to control and spar against.

“You tired yet? Want a break?”

“Sensei, I literally just started, remember.”

Kakashi’s visible eye forms a crescent as it wrinkles in a smile. “Too right you are, Sakura-chaaaan.” He sits down in the shade of the nearest tree, and pulls out a scroll. “But whenever you’re ready, I have a bit of special reading for you to do.”

Meanwhile, Sasuke is fighting a war of attrition.

And is, by the way, losing. Badly.

Every time he gets more than five steps up the tree, he begins to fall backwards, and the resulting kunai scratches on its trunk are all within mere inches from each other.

You’ve gotta be kidding me. How was this so easy for Sakura?

Sasuke wonders when Itachi and Shisui were gonna teach him this. Or if they were just going to leave him out to dry without any help, stuck on this stupid mission with this stupid charge trying to climb this STUPID, DUMB, IDIOT TREE. FUCK. He hears the voice of his mother chime in the back of his head, “Language, Sasuke!” He doesn’t give a fuck right now. He needs to climb this tree.

He refuses to look at Sakura or Naruto, because he knows he’s going to see something that pisses him off even more. Yes, Sasuke tied for first in the Academy with her, but he had so much more help than she did. And she was smarter. And Naruto, that dumbass, at least had a good reason for being useless here—he had the spirit of an eternal demon living inside him. Sasuke, on the other hand, was just incompetent. FUCK!

Sasuke stares down the large oak in front of him. He just has to climb it. He just has to get up there. How many times has he done the exact same thing without chakra, chasing cats and birds and all sorts of other annoyingly small animals Kakashi made them run around and catch for the last month. And he did that successfully—and more importantly, easily. So why the hell can’t he just do it now?

He needs a win. Sasuke needs a win so damn badly. He needs to climb that tree like his life depends on it.

Fine. I’ll try it the old-fashioned way.

He stomps over to the tree and resignedly wraps his arms around it, feeling the rough texture of the bark against his arms. Ugh, I’ll get scraped all over again. He starts to shimmy himself up, but realizes, as he gets further and further from the ground, that it seemingly gets easier on his arms, instead of harder. Huh.

Sasuke leans back carefully, putting less and less pressure on the tree with his hands, and tries not to let his thighs overwork, and feels… Secure.

Not strained at all. He can feel the energy—no, chakra, he corrects himself—flowing into his inner thighs, forming almost a seal around the trunk of the tree without putting undue pressure on his muscles. So he tries to redirect it, and put his feet against the bark instead of his legs.

It’s wobbly, it’s unsure, Sasuke is about to fall on his ass again, but when he does, he’s got that stubborn, determined glint in his eye.

Okay. Progress.

Naruto is, honestly? Having the time of his life. He’s sitting against a tree, looking for all intents and purposes like he is fully asleep, and just chatting with his FRIEND (!!!!) Kurama! Life is so cool!

It would be even cooler if Kurama would just tell him how to fix this whole chakra overload issue he has going on, but. Whatever. Learning on his own can be fun, too. Or whatever Iruka-sensei tried drilling in his head.

Kurama.

Silence.

Kurama, I know you’re in there.

No response. Naruto starts getting annoyed.

OI! I know you can’t sleep, believe it! Hey!

Still nothing. Fine, Naruto thinks, be that way. He closes his eyes, screws up his face, and tries to contact the immortal being in his abdomen. He kind of thinks he needs to take a shit. Not the time!

Naruto grips his stomach, right over where the cursed seal is, and tries to imagine the diagram Kakashi showed him, and concentrated really hard on the image of energy gathering in his stomach. Fuck, now he really needs to take a shit.

Suddenly, (thank the gods, because otherwise he would’ve just given up and found a secluded tree somewhere), he finds himself in that same dingy, dim cage as last time. This time, though, the floor is dry, and it doesn’t seem as dark. Huh.I’ll have to write that in my journal later, believe it…

Naruto shakes his head to rid himself of that train of thought. He’s here on business.

And yep, sure enough, Kurama, that damn fox, is staring straight at him through the bars of his cage. Naruto takes some deep breaths so he doesn’t lose his goddamn mind.

“Kurama-sama,” Naruto simpers, looking directly into the one eye he can, “Were you busy? Am I taking you away from,” He trails off, trying to think of the language his mother uses when she’s trying to be nice but really wants to drink, “perhaps, some other commitment?”

Kurama’s eye blinks slowly back at him.

Man, Naruto is only 12. He doesn’t have the kind of patience his mother does. So basically, what happens is, he immediately starts yelling. Loudly. So loudly, in fact, that the bars of Kurama’s cage start to vibrate.

“KURAMA. YOU DAMN FOX. I NEED YOUR HELP, AND YOU’RE IGNORING ME! I THOUGHT OUR DEAL WAS THAT I WOULD HANG OUT WITH YOU, AND YOU’D HANG OUT WITH ME, AND WE’D HELP EACH OTHER? WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING HERE PRETENDING I DON’T EXIST? YOU’RE REALLY MAKING ME MAD, BELIEVE IT! I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING EXCEPT HANG OUT WITH YOU AND DEFEND YOU AND HAVE FUN WITH YOU AND YOU’RE TREAING ME LIKE…” Naruto starts to lose steam here. “LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!”

Kurama seems to process that, his pupils contracting as he takes Naruto in and focuses on him. The low, growling tenor of his voice reverberates around the space.

“What do you mean, boy.”

For his part, Naruto looks shocked that this is what finally got Kurama to respond.

“Huh?”

“I won’t repeat myself again. What do you mean.” Naruto suddenly feels cornered, like the keen, assessing gaze of Kurama is too much for his twitchy twelve-year-old brain to handle.

“Uh… I mean. You just. I don’t like being ignored whenever it suits you. I deal with that all the time, normally, from the civilians… And that’s even with all the cool stuff I get from Kaka-nii and Kaa-chan being who they are, so…” Naruto needs to look literally anywhere except for right in Kurama’s pupil, which is now expanding again. For some reason, Naruto thinks he’s entirely bypassed the need to take a shit and is now feeling feverish. When I get back up there, he thinks, I am going straight to the bathroom, and then right the fuck to sleep. I’d rather be doing whatever the hell Sasuke-teme is doing right now, believe it!  “I just thought… Because we’re kinda the same… You’d be different, yaknow.”

Kurama’s tail gives a lazy flick, and his eyes dart here and there. Silence stretches between the two of them, and Naruto contemplates just leaving… However that would work.

“Sometimes, I forget you’re still just a pup,” Kurama eventually grumbles. “When you grow old, you forget about feelings like validation.”

Naruto raises his brows. “Is that your way of saying sorry?” Kurama doesn’t respond. Naruto decides to take it and rebound. “Okay! Well, I’m here to ask ya how to manage my chakra. Kaka-nii says I’ve got too much of it so I can’t tree walk or anything.”

Kurama acknowledges the statement with a thoughtful hum. “Did he say why? I don’t remember the previous users having this issue.”

“Really? Because Kaka-nii just said I have too much chakra.”

“It might just be because you are of Uzumaki blood,” Kurama rumbles, adjusting himself so his paws sit neatly under his maw. Now Naruto has to look up at the eye. “The Uzumakis, as I’m sure you know, have long been valued for their massive chakra storage.”

“Hm. That is true…” Naruto starts fidgeting, trying to find answers. Impulsively, he grabs the paw closest to him and starts pulling it through the cage.

“Boy, what are you doing?”

“I needta think, boy. And when I need to think, I gotta lie down. Do I look like I’m gonna lie on this dingy-ass floor? I’ll answer for you. NO, believe it! And your paws are huge! And furry! So I’m gonna use them. I’m,” he pauses his lugging to look at Kurama down the length of his nose, just like he sees Tsunade doing when she’s arguing with clan heads, “utilizing jinchuuriki privilege.”

Kurama huffs. “When did you become a lawyer?”

Naruto busies himself with lying across the expanse of Kurama’s furry paw. Only once he’s settled does he say, “People only think I’m stupid, really. I’m just loud.” He starts running his hands along the fur he’s seated on. “Yaknow, I’ve noticed in the Academy, I’m really bad at easy jutsu, like a henge. But I can do shadow clones really easy, even though those are apparently much harder. Got any idea why?”

A slow blink, not that Naruto sees, really.

“That is interesting. Perhaps it has something to do with the seal.”

At this, Naruto turns. “Huh?”

“I’ve been feeling more exhausted with you as my vessel than normal, and it’s not just because your conversations are absolutely inane.”

“HEY.”

“Boy. I am helping you. I would advise you to be quiet. You are also on my paw. Very close to my claws, I might add.”

“Right. Sorry. Continue, Kurama-sama.”

Foxes can apparently roll their eyes, by the way. “I was trying to say you might be processing more chakra than your body can handle right now. So it explodes, like a backed up pipe, instead of streaming properly. Maybe the plumbing is the issue.”

Naruto sits up and looks Kurama in the eye again.

“Kurama-chan, I think you’ve just made our lives much easier.”

It wouldn’t be dai-nana-han without another disaster. This time, however, was far more severe than the last. Zabuza and Haku faced them again, without the advantage of Tazuna as a civilian, and were forced to fight. Kakashi had nearly died, Naruto started turning into the fox, and Sasuke had nearly died, too. He had awakened his Sharingan, protecting Naruto from Haku’s senbon. And Sakura… Sakura couldn’t do anything but watch, frozen in fear.

But in the end, the gods must have looked down upon them, because dai-nana-han came out alive.

There was a weird tension in the air as they trudged back to Konoha, everybody in their own heads. Naruto and Sasuke couldn’t make eye contact. Sakura guesses it’s because they’re both embarrassed that they actually give a damn about each other and other people saw it. Boys. Idiots, really. Like everybody wasn’t acutely aware of that already.

Kakashi eventually opens his mouth about halfway through their journey. He looks tired, Sakura thinks. Haggard, almost. She didn’t really think he could, as a jonin and former ANBU Commander, but then again, he is a human too. He’s Naruto’s brother, and Naruto is tired all the time.

“Kids, I…” He swallows dryly under his mask. His throat bobs with the effort it takes—they ran out of water around four hours ago. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Seeing death at your ages, it’s not normal. I wanted you to grow up normally.”

Sasuke grunts, somewhere ahead of him. He’s been uncharacteristically fidgety this whole time, and he’s got an ice pack wrapped to his head to help lessen the pain that comes with a deluge of extra chakra to his orbital pathways. “You and Itachi-niisan saw the same things at the same age. It’s fine. Part of the job.”

Naruto glances over on the other side of the dirt road, before his eyes dart away as quickly as they got there. Sakura starts to feel lightheaded from the tension.

“The whole point of this was making sure you didn’t have to, though. To make sure you didn’t deal with the same stuff Itachi and I did. That was… That’s why we’re here.”

“What does that mean, Kakashi-sensei?”

He heaves. “Tsunade wasn’t… supposed to be Hokage, after. It was supposed to go back to Sarutobi, who was too old.”

Her brows raise. “I didn’t know that.”

Naruto slows down to walk alongside Sakura. He healed startlingly quickly, and the only tell of battle on him is the blood on his clothes. That, and his too-bright eyes, which can’t seem to meet Sakura’s gaze head on, focusing on assessing her state instead.

“It’s why Kaa-chan is Kaa-chan.” He keeps his eyes trained on the horizon in front of them. “Kaka-nii… And Gai-nii and Genma-nii, they brought her back here. To be Hokage after Sarutobi-jiichan.”

“Why?”

This time, Kakashi answers. “Nothing was changing. I was assigned to protect Sensei and Kushina-nee, back then. Before Naruto was born. And I couldn’t do anything that day, either. Except for kill, and watch people die.” He adjusts his mask. “I didn’t really care. I had already been ANBU Commander by that time, and I was just fourteen. But Sensei… said I missed out on being a kid. I didn’t really know what that was.”

Naruto hums. “Sasuke-teme almost didn’t, either.” If he hears, he doesn’t say anything. Sakura makes a noise, telling Naruto to continue. “We were all… Apparently after that day, tensions in the village went crazy. And people started blaming the Uchiha, because the sharingan can control the jinchuuriki. That’s part of the reason why Kaka-nii is our jonin-sensei, and why Teme is on this team too, isn’t it?” He looks to his brother for confirmation, who nods. Sakura hadn’t even thought of that. “And because of that, Sasuke’s family ended up being…” Something in Naruto’s demeanor suddenly shifts. “Things woulda been really different for us, is all, Sakura. If Kaa-chan didn’t become Hokage. And after she fixed me, and dealt with that, she tried to make sure we’d be safe. That the things that almost happened never almost happened, or happened, again.”

Sakura is very confused.

Kakashi seems to notice, and take pity on her. “Naruto is maybe a little too close to the story, but the short of it is that Sarutobi simply had antiquated thoughts about how Konoha should be run. Thoughts that were certainly influenced by his sensei, the Niidaime, because back then Konoha was at constant war with the other Hidden Villages. But we were entering a period of peace, where we had adults that could help instead of putting kids out on the battlefield. To keep you healthy and happy.”

Sasuke finally turns around. “Yeah, Kakashi-niisan went kinda crazy, I heard,” he says sardonically.

“I did.”

Sakura didn’t expect such easy admittance of that kind of vulnerability, and she forgets to say anything. Naruto thankfully, covers for it.

“Yeah, we got it. Kaa-chan is good for everybody. But nobody woulda thunk that this mission woulda ended up like this, Kaka-nii. We thought it was just an escort mission anyway. It happens, it’s okay.”

Kakashi furrows his brows, and doesn’t say anything immediately. When he does, it’s a simple, “Okay.”

The tension amongst the team falls again, and Sakura can’t help but look at her teammates and Sensei, all in various states of disarray. Blood from themselves and others, torn clothes, mussed hair, limps, healing bruises… They were all worse for wear.

Except for Sakura. Sakura’s hair is tangled, and she has some cuts, but only because of missed senbon. She looks down at her hands. Barely even any callouses. She looks over at Naruto’s, swaying beside her, and sees just how knobby and calloused they’ve already become. Letting the wind air himself out, his orange jacket is unzipped, and she can see the light blue crystal Tsunade gave him glint across his chest. Her gaze travels to Sasuke, who keeps rubbing at his eyes angrily.

And she’s got nothing. She’s got a brain and chakra control, apparently, but what good are those when it comes down to the split second decision to stand in front of your comrades and take the hit? What good are those when it comes to protecting the ones she loves? To beat the ones she hates? To be good, on her own?

Her hands tighten as they grip her dress, knuckles slowly turning white under the pressure. She heard it straight from Kakashi-sensei. She’s from a civilian family. She doesn’t have the kind of innate, institutional support and instinct that her teammates do. But she still needs to be useful, to balance the scale. Sakura feels the weight of the scroll Kakashi gave her in her back pocket.

It’s a start. What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? Suddenly, the world around her sharpens into focus, as if knowing it was about to come under her assessment.

I noticed the puddle first. I’m smart. I have a good memory. I’m analytical. I have good chakra control.

She looks down at her unmarred hands again, then around to her team, all lost in their own worlds.

I’m frightened. I have no real experience with combat. I’m physically weak. I can’t apply what I know.

The path starts to blur again, and putting one foot in front of the other takes a backseat.

It’s a math problem. It’s all a math problem, like chakra. There are three components to a team. Me, Naruto, Sasuke-kun. There are three components of shinobi combat. Ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu.

They all have decent taijutsu skills, Sakura’s even beaten the boys a few times in class. And when she’s mad, they back off without even fighting because her voice scares them enough. She doesn’t know enough ninjutsu to say she has any skill, nor genjutsu.

Naruto seems like a taijutsu-based fighter, she muses. He has stores of chakra to help him, and he has a unique way of fighting. He was trained by the Hokage, the ANBU Commander, a Tokubetsu jonin, and the best taijutsu fighter in Konoha. All that and he can manage to slither away from anything, dodge any blow no matter how clumsy he seems—all because of the way civilians treat him when he goes to the shops. The gymnastics it takes to accomplish some of those pranks isn’t lost on her either. But he can’t tree-walk yet, or really do much of anything, because he’s a jinchuuriki with too much chakra. That, and he’s got a terrible memory for this stuff. The hand signs and chakra control is too many moving parts for him to handle. That certainly leaves out genjutsu.

Sasuke—she glances over (he’s still sulking. She suspects he actually feels fine, but he’s keeping up the act because he knows they’re nearing Konoha and he knows his parents will be at the gate—and he’ll want to show off the Sharingan but won’t ever admit it straight out. Boys.) and realizes that the sharingan makes him equally good at ninjutsu and genjutsu. The sharingan’s purpose is genjutsu, but from what she saw herself in the fight with Zabuza, it can allow Sasuke to copy any jutsu as soon as he sees it. Getting to Kakashi-sensei’s level will only be a matter of discipline for him. Sakura doesn’t know what the Uchihas do to train the sharingan, but she expects it’ll handle most of that. He’s quite lithe though, almost too skinny, though she’d never admit that aloud to her crush, and certainly doesn’t have the same win-by-any-means mindset Naruto does. He’s trained with a lot of the same people, but has a clan mindset behind him. He’s rigid. He’ll be more than able to fight hand-to-hand, but she knows him. Sasuke would love to brag about beating an enemy without even raising a finger.

Kakashi notwithstanding, then, she realizes, that leaves me with ninjutsu. I have a lot of theoretical and historical knowledge, good chakra control, and discipline. All I need is practice. She takes in the bright red gate of Konoha rapidly getting closer, and nods decisively. Okay. I have people who can help me. I have a library. I have classmates. I have Kakashi-sensei and this scroll I haven’t even touched yet.

As they finally cross the threshold of the village, while Naruto and Sasuke are sufficiently distracted by their respective families congratulating, scolding, and fussing over them, Kakashi takes a moment to address his third child—whose parents didn’t bother meeting her.

When he looks over, he expects to see dejection, or perhaps jealousy. She was, after all, staring at her teammates with a fixed sort of focus. Instead, he sees that same look she gave him at the stream, and at the genin exam all those weeks ago.

Hmm. This should be interesting.

He elbows her lightly, jolting her out of her thoughts. “Sakura-chan, what are you thinking about? I’m not sure I like the look in your eye.”

She meets the gaze of her teacher head-on.

“Kakashi-sensei,” she replies, “Can I join you for lunch? There are some things I’d like your thoughts on.”

Chapter Text

Kakashi Hatake thinks he needs to move into another house. Or maybe, find a way to expand the inside of his own house… maybe he can figure out a seal? To keep extra rooms in… Or something. Maybe Sensei hid some scrolls somewhere— “SHIT, Naruto, watch out, there are other people in this house!”—but I really should be focusing on… this… first.

Naruto’s in the kitchen, clattering over plates and bowls as Gai and Genma try to reign in the boy’s truly chaotic style of cooking. A rice cooker is hissing, a pot is on to boil, place mats are being set out, mugs are clattering, did a plate just fall—oh, Gai’s got it covered. Nice.

There’s absolutely no tension in the air. No reason to believe, at all, that anything might be amiss with tonight’s dinner. Everything is completely normal. Everything is so normal. Kakashi is not nervous, or antsy, or absolutely anything of that nature. Everything is fine. Today is normal! Tonight. Tonight is normal. Naruto is not about to meet Sai and Tenzo, and he is not going to go apeshit out about his older brother literally hiding people in his house for months like some sort of recluse freak. And Naruto won’t have to worry about getting along with Sai and Tenzo, because Naruto isn’t meeting them tonight! Sai and Tenzo are not about to come down the stairs at any moment. Kakashi is fine. Everything is fine. Genma is here. Gai is here. Nothing is wrong, and everything is fine. He’s so calm! Kakashi is soooooo calm right now. He was literally the ANBU Commander at fourteen. This is nothing. This is literally nothing compared to any of that. He’s not freaking out. He’s not freaking out at all.

Okay.

Maybe he is. Not as calm. As he believes himself to be.

Fuck. Fuuuuuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Gai.” He peeks into the kitchen.

Gai turns around from the cutting board, narrowly missing Genma with a rather huge knife. “Dude!”

“Kakashi, my rival! How can I help you?”

“Well first, you can take off the apron.”

“It’ll ruin my jumpsuit!”

“You are a shinobi. Known internationally for your taijutsu. Specifically, your athleticism and ability. And you are worried about spilling food on your apron?”

“Yes! And,” Gai brandishes the knife, “It’s cute!”

Kakashi refuses to dignify that with an answer, because if he does, everybody else in the room is going to laugh at him. He’s learned a lot about being more self-aware, lately.

Progress.

“Come over here,” He jerks his chin out to the hallway and starts walking, not looking to see if Gai will follow him (because Gai always does).

“Guys, can you not take too long to flirt? I cannot handle all the side dishes by myself!”

“Genma, you will shut the hell up and entertain my brother or I’m hiding all your bandanas.”

“Kaka-nii, just hurry or I’m gonna start using the knife!”

“Genma, do not let him use the knife!”

“He’s an active shinobi who has gone on an A-level mission, and you have an issue with knives?”

 “YES!”

“Genma, I agree with my rival, he will destroy the vegetables! Do not let Naruto wield the knife!” He turns to Kakashi. “Well? What’s going on?”

Kakashi’s palms feel sweaty as hell right now. Wow. He rubs them all over his thighs and hopes he doesn’t look as neurotic as he was, like, twelve years ago. “Um.” His visible eye darts over to the stairs for about half a second, then—

“Oh, you’re worried if Sai and Tenzo are going to be okay meeting Naruto, and Naruto won’t blow your head off for hiding them from him, and also you’re scared they won’t get along. And there’s the whole ROOT part, which Naruto definitely knows about, which might make it stranger.”

Kakashi thinks Gai might be a Yamanaka, or something. But he’s got a sharp eye even without his sharingan, and he didn’t see any kind of hand sign. Hm.

“Was I right?”

Kakashi lets his face stay carefully blank.

“I was right, right? Kakashi. I was right, right? Did I win this round? Can I put this on the official scoreboard?”

Well, that’s new. “We have a scoreboard?”

“Of course! Why would I call you my eternal rival if we didn’t have one?”

Kakashi fumbles. “I thought it was like… Just a thing we said.”

“Well, you were wrong on that! And you’re wrong about this, too. My rival, for someone so smart, you tend to be wrong about a lot of things, hm?”

“Gai, I will kick you out of this house and then let Naruto use the knife to everyone’s detriment. And I won’t even tell Sakura and Sasuke so they can make fun of him for it later.”

“Kakashi, we both know you will do none of those things.” Kakashi rolls his eye. “Sure, it will be rough at first, Naruto will feel hurt, and there will be some tension between Sai and Naruto because of their… personalities. But it’ll be fine!”

“You realize how none of what you just said was helpful?”

“Let me finish before you start complaining, Kakashi. It will be fine. Because, at the end of the day, Sai, Tenzo, and Naruto all have one big thing in common, and it will bring them together more than anything else can keep them apart.”

“Okay. Are you going to get to the point eventually, or is Genma going to die in the kitchen?”

Gai raises a single brow.

“Sorry.”

“Hm. What I was going to say was that all three of you were saved by you. Not an experience many other people have. And they all love you. And because they all love you, it will all go well.”

Kakashi doesn’t have an answer to that. Gai smirks.

“I’ll. Um. Go back to the kitchen, then. Can you…?”

Gai flashes Kakashi a thumbs-up, and starts heading up the stairs. “You got it, Kakashi. It will all be fine. Go warm Naruto up.”

Kakashi takes a deep breath, and gets ready for shit to hit the fan.

Naruto is in the kitchen, putting rice into smaller bowls and trying (successfully, Kakashi notes, mildly impressed) to not spill anything while also avoiding senbon Genma is lazily throwing at him.

“I think those can get stuck in your throat, you know.”

Genma just shrugs, aiming another senbon lazily at Naruto’s left knee. He dodges, almost knocking over the porcelain, but stabilizes it at the last second. “Good one, squirt.” Genma turns to Kakashi. “It’s good training. And they’ll only get stuck in anybody’s throat if they land in food, which,” a cursory glance around the table, “nothing has.”

Well, Kakashi has bigger fish to fry. And it’s not the curry. Gai covered that.

“Naruto, can you put out two more place mats?”

Naruto shoots up. “Are Sakura-chan and Sasuke coming over? You didn’t tell me! That’s great! I thought Sasuke-teme had dinner with his family tonight!” He rushes over to pull out extra chopsticks and bowls. “Can we spar after?”

Kakashi closes his eyes and thinks really hard about how Naruto will probably get this in, like, a few years… and that Sensei would probably also be proud of him. And that whatever reaction Naruto has right now will remind him of Obito, so, like… good things.

“They’re not coming over.”

“Then who is it? Gai-nii and Genma-nii are already here… Is it gonna be Izumi-nii and Kotetsu-nii? Or Shizune-nee? Or Iruka-sensei? Or Teuchi-san and Ayame? That would be so fun! Ramen ramen ramen!”

“It’s not any of them. One is your age, and the other is Itachi’s age.”

“Oh, cool! ANBU people?”

Well, at least now Kakashi doesn’t have to go out of his way to explain anything. “Well… Yeah, actually. Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“…Kind of.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“No.”

“Well, okay! They’re probably cool. When are they gonna get here?”

Kakashi turns to the stairs, where he knows Gai and the boys have been hiding behind the wall. “You can come out now, guys.”

Before Naruto can even say hi, Sai speaks. “Hm. You are far shorter than I expected, given the volume of your voice.”

“OI! You don’t even know me, and you’re a guest in this house! Just siddown and have your stupid dinner, we’re doing you a favor here, weirdo! And wait,” He turns to Tenzo, “Who’s big eyes over here?”

“Naruto! Be nice.”

“Sorry, Gai-nii.”

“My name is Tenzo. Nice to meet you, Naruto. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Naruto looks at Tenzo. “You give me weird vibes.”

“I get that a lot.”

“And who’s that? You’re more emo than Sasuke-teme, and that’s his whole thing, believe it!”

“My name is Sai. Do you think anybody who wears black is ‘emo’? Are you not aware that black is the smartest color for a shinobi to wear? Or do you happen to not have the mental ability to understand that?”

“SAI, I’m going to come over there and KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING—”

“NARUTO!” Genma tries to intercept Naruto, but he manages to tackle Sai anyway.

“You are surprisingly heavy for how short you are,” Sai notes, completely unaffected. “And I don’t think it would be very nice to murder a resident of the house you’re visiting.”

Naruto freezes, glances at Tenzo, who predictably does not blink, then slowly turns to Kakashi.

“Kaka-nii.” Kakashi pales. “They. Live here?”

Kakashi winces. “Yes.”

“And they have lived here for… how long?”

Oh god. Naruto is quiet. Naruto isn’t yelling. Uh oh. Uh oh. He finds Gai’s gaze and tries to mentally convince him to get him OUT OF THIS FUCKING SITUATION. But all Gai, fuck him! Offers him is a placid smile and a raised brow.

FUUUUUUUUCK.

“A… few months.”

It seems like Naruto looks right through Kakashi. He looks almost like his father.

Flee on sight, they said about Minato. And wow, Kakashi always thought Naruto favored Kushina, but Sensei is clearly there. Right in the eyes.

“A few months. How come they know so much about me but I’ve never heard about them?”

Kakashi can’t reply.

“Genma-nii? Gai-nii?” Naruto stands up and readjusts himself, pulling his cargo shorts back down, pulls his long sleeves back over his forearms. “Why did none of you tell me any of this?”

“We couldn’t, squirt. Wasn’t the right time,” Genma says around a senbon. “Wasn’t the right time for any of you.”

“I’ve been here nearly every day for the past five months. If they were in ANBU, I’d get why I’d never see them. But you never said. Anything. Not even a hint,” Naruto screws up his face, like he’s deciding whether or not he wants to cry. “Why would you want me in your family if you wouldn’t tell me this stuff?”

Kakashi feels sort of like he’s getting stabbed. He can’t really say anything.

“Well. I’m going to go back home. I’ve got enough mission money to grab some ramen, so don’t worry about it.”

He glares at Sai one last time, who has now propped himself up by the elbows on the floor. “All this hiding and they’re not even cool! You’re all weirdos and freaks and I’m gonna go see what everybody else is doing.”

The door slams behind him.

“Well,” Tenzo says. “I think that went as well as we could’ve hoped. Dinner?”

Two hours later finds Sai and Tenzo tucked into bed, and Kakashi wallowing at the dinner table.

“My rival, I think it could’ve gone worse,” Gai offers.

Kakashi arches a brow.

“Okay, not too much worse, but he’ll come around.”

“How do you even know that?”

“Because that kid loves you, doofus. He’s obviously angry, but he’s a perceptive guy. He’ll take the night to stew, probably rant to Tsunade, then be fine by tomorrow’s mission. Chill out.” Genma spits out a senbon.

“Can you not do that here?”

“Well, can you acknowledge what I said first, at least?”

Kakashi grunts. “Fine.”

“Fine, you’ll acknowledge what I said, or fine, I’m right?”

“I’ll choke you in your sleep, Shiranui.”

“No you won’t. I help too much with your kids.”

“My kids? Naruto is your kid too, ya know.”

“And the other two. Sakura and Sasuke. And we both know Naruto is more yours than mine, duh.”

“Okay.”

“You should have that ‘okay’ attitude with Gai. I’m tired of your bullshit.”

“He’s upstairs!” Kakashi hisses. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Literally everybody knows about this, including Gai. He’s just waiting for you because you’re so emotionally constipated your visible eye is turning from grey into brown. Because—”

“Because brown is the color of shit?”

“Because brown is the color of shit.” Genma nods solemnly. “But seriously, Kakashi, what’s stopping you? You’re clearly better around him, he obviously likes you back… It’s not like anybody gives a shit. It’s been more than a decade. He’s not gonna be waiting around forever.”

Kakashi hums. “You’re awful perceptive for a shinobi who can’t shake his oral fixation.”

“We’ve all got our vices. And don’t dodge the question.”

“I don’t know, Genma. What we’ve got now is… Good. And you know I get crazy. I don’t want him to deal with that.”

“He already does do that. He already deals with you in every single way he would if you were together, except you aren’t getting any of the sexual benefits—”

“—OKAY. OKAY. What will it take to get you to shut the fuck up about this forever?”

“Take him to dinner, maybe hold his hand. Soon.” He turns to face Kakashi fully from where he’s next to him at the table. “Dude, I’m serious. Do something nice for yourself, and for him, too.”

“If I agree, can I change the subject to something actually pertinent?” Genma claps Kakashi on the back. “OW.”

“Don’t ‘ow’ me, ANBU Commander at fourteen. If you don’t do it within the week, I’ll know. But what’s up?”

Kakashi sighs, turning the idea over in his head. “Sakura.”

Genma hums. “What about her?”

“She’s incredibly bright. She’s from a civilian family, but she doesn’t quite know how to define herself yet. It’s certainly harder for her than others, considering Naruto and Sasuke are her two teammates, and they are…”

“Yeah. A giant fox and an Uchiha.”

“Exactly. But she’s got genius-level chakra control. She mastered tree walking in a day, and water walking in another.”

Genma raises his brows. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, but she tends to freeze in real-life situations, like with Zabuza. She just needs more confidence and application. She was first in her class at the Academy.”

“Damn,” Genma whistles. “She seems like a whole well of untapped potential.”

“She is. Naruto has me, Sasuke has Itachi, Shisui, and the rest… I was hoping if you and Gai could help Sakura out a bit.”

“Oh? Hatake asking me for help?”

“Now you’re just saying shit.”

“Yeah, but it’s always fun to do. You react the same way every time. You get that funny ass look on your face. I can see the whites around your whole eye, it’s so dumb.”

“Can you help her? Seriously. Her parents are… not supportive of her being a kunoichi. At all. The only reason they let her into the Academy is because she inadvertently directed so much chakra into her throat to yell at them that they were advised her power would get too unruly when unchecked. She wants to learn, I know it. She just doesn’t have the same support as everyone else. And to her credit, as soon as we got back to the village, she cornered me and begged me to ask for your help.”

Genma takes a second to mull it over. “Okay. Sure.”

Kakashi raises his brow. “Really? That easy? You know how much work you’re taking on.”

“Yeah, but you said she needs help, you care about her, and she’s clearly humble and motivated enough to ask for help. I don’t mind a little mentorship, it should be fun, especially if she’s as talented as you say. And she puts the squirt right in his place, sometimes. So why not?”

“I gave her a scroll on chakra theory while we were in Land of Waves,” Kakashi cracks a smile, “so I’d start there, and see where things go.”

Genma has no idea where to find Sakura Haruno.

She wasn’t anywhere in the civilian district, and when he went to the Haruno residence, her parents pretended to have no idea who she was. So. There was that.

He couldn’t find Naruto or Sasuke, either, so there was a huge chance they were all out of the village. But he may as well do his homework, so he stops at the Yamanaka flower shop, where he finds Ino barely peeking over the register, and is directed to—Genma’s a little impressed, he has to admit—the library.

He finds her deep in the stacks, scrolls and books scattered around her. Sakura’s got her hitai-ate pushing back her hair, and her eyes keep flitting between books, jotting down notes on a notepad. She’s muttering to herself, bags under her eyes, resting her head on one of her knees which she’s got propped up on the chair.

She looks fucking insane. Kakashi was right about the motivation though.

“Hey.”

No response. He gets a little closer.

“Hey, Sakura.”

She scribbles something else in her book, stares at it, and then jolts, reaching out across the table to find another book and flip it back a few pages.

“Ah! So I’m—” And when she tries to look back at the notebook for reference, she finally notices Genma. “Oh! Shiranui-sensei. How are you?”

“Ew, just call me Genma. Or Genma-senpai. Wait, it’s so weird calling myself that. Just Genma. Or whatever.”

“Oooookay?” Sakura looks around at the otherwise abandoned floor in the library. “Why are you here?”

“You see anyone else in here? I’m here to talk to you, smartass.”

“Wow, you’re super nice, huh?”

Genma sits down. “Alright, listen, I’m here to help ya. Sorry I’m not going to kiss your ass while I do it. Kakashi tells me you want some extra help, huh?”

Sakura immediately brightens, sitting up straight. “Yes! Wow, I’m so glad he followed up so quickly! Listen, I’m not like Naruto or Sasuke, in that they’ve got these crazy aces up their sleeves. I’m not a jinchuuriki, I don’t have a kekkei genkai, and I don’t even come from a shinobi family. But I know I have potential—I saw it myself, and Kakashi-sensei told me, too. I’ve been doing a lot of research on chakra theory, because Kakashi-sensei got me hooked in Wave, and I’ve been thinking a lot about not just my abilities, but how they’d fit in the team, so I wonder if you can give me advice and help me out.”

“Oh? What do you mean, your own abilities and your teams?”

“Well, Naruto has huge chakra reserves on account of him being both a jinchuuriki and an Uzumaki. He also has really good stealth and fighting ability, kind of like a brawler, which makes him excellent at taijutsu. He’s not super polished like most clan kids, because he spent a lot of time pulling pranks and hiding from civilians. He doesn’t have the chakra control for genjutsu, and I don’t know how much he would gain from ninjutsu. He could probably do really well with a few jutsus one he finds out his chakra nature, but I don’t know it, so for now, we’re putting him there. Maybe he could get a weapon that suits him and he could channel his unfiltered chakra there, and then—” she takes a breath. “Well, that’s Naruto.”

Genma doesn’t know if his jaw has fully dropped or not. But it feels like it.

“Okay, and Sasuke is obviously an Uchiha, so he has amazing genjutsu ability. He doesn’t really need to practice ninjutsu, because he can just copy whatever he sees. But Sasuke is almost too polished, because he’s helped by his whole family—and then he’s just awakened his sharingan, and he’s got a surprising emotional streak. He’s too stiff for ninjutsu, especially against Naruto. He’s got strength, but he doesn’t have the creativity to win in fights. So he can manipulate fights from afar, handle strategy, and step in with ninjutsu when necessary.

“Okay, that makes sense. Sasuke is good with a weapon too, you know. He gets a bunch of training from his family.”

“Yeah, of course I know that. I spend, like, all my time with Sasuke and Naruto. I’m talking about overall team strengths. It doesn’t matter if all of us can do kenjutsu. It would be ideal, actually. I’m talking about a balance between ninjutsu, genjutsu, taijutsu.”

“So you’ve covered taijutsu, which is Naruto. And genjutsu, which is Sasuke. So you’re ninjutsu?”

Sakura nods aggressively. “Yes! Exactly.” She pushes her notebook to Genma. “See? I’ve been taking a bunch of notes about chakra theory, the history of chakra theories, and their various applications. And it turns out I can do bothoffensive ninjutsu, and maybe even healing, which would be such an important asset to our team! And I’m smart, so I could even study it formally later on, under Tsunade-sama and then the hospital, even though that’ll be a ton of extra work. See? It’s—” she reaches over and flips a few pages of the notepad over. Genma is just staring blankly at it. “But I don’t know what my affinities are, and how to maximize what I can do with them. And you’re a Tokubetsu jonin, so I thought you could help me figure it out and train me! Is that okay?”

The notepad slides out of Genma’s hands.

“Genma-senpai? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

Slowly, Genma picks up the notepad and spends the next few minutes reading over Sakura’s messy notes. A thorough history of the kekkei genkai of all the clans in Konoha, all the chakra affinities, what healing ninjutsu could look like, even diagrams of Naruto, Sasuke, and her own current abilities graphed against various potential outcomes depending on what they decide to focus on. Holy shit, this girl is insane.

“Sakura,” Genma finally meets the girl’s eyes. She’s fidgeting nervously, tugging on a lock of pink hair, looking between Genma’s face and the notepad. “You’re far scarier than you realize.”

He takes a few seconds to think over his options, drumming his fingers on the table between them.

“You’re serious about this?”

“Dead.”

“Okay. Meet me in Training Ground Eight tomorrow morning, and we’ll give you a full diagnostic.”

Sakura is about to throw up.

Genma’s been working her to the bone since 4 this morning, having her run laps around the training ground, sparring, testing her form against dummies and having her do the same roundhouse kick again, again, again—alternating between saying “you think you’re doing that right?” and asking some incredibly esoteric question about chakra theory, affinities, and kekkei genkai. It turns out, having to maintain conversation while doing highly involved physical exercise does not make the exercise easier. Who knew? Sakura didn’t!

And now Sakura wants to kill Genma and then herself, not necessarily in that order. She’s not even making sense, gods, the exercise is melting her brain.

After what feels like centuries, but is in reality only a few hours, she finally gets some respite.

“You’re terribly conditioned. You know that, right? It’s important to me that you know that.”

Sakura chokes on her next inhale from where she’s spread-eagled on the dirt. “I’ve got by fine so far in missions and the Academy…”

“You cannot possibly think that scraping by on genin missions and Academy sparring classes is anywhere near good enough. How often do you even spar with Naruto and Sasuke?”

“They spend most of their time going at it with each other, so I don’t get much of a chance, to be fair.”

Genma makes a face. “Well, I’ll give you that. They’re almost as bad as Kakashi and Gai.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Never mind. Well, now we know to prioritize your physical conditioning. Just because you don’t intend on being a taijutsu master doesn’t mean you can slack on stuff.”

“Got it.” She sits up, heaving. “Will my abs hurt this bad every day?”

“Probably worse, honestly. But I’ll come up with a good training regimen for you. You’ll be shredded in no time.”

“I don’t want to be shredded! I’m a girl!”

Genma levels her with a look. “You are not a girl. You are a kunoichi, and you came to me for help. You’re going to have to prioritize function over form at some point. And,” Genma sighs contentedly. “Guns can look good on a chick.”

“YUCK.”

“Ah. Sorry. Forgot I’m your teacher right now.”

“Well, remember it again RIGHT NOW.” Sakura starts picking up pebbles around her and chucking them at Genma. Hard.

“Sorry!” He dances around one. “SORRY! SHIT!” He hops around on a leg, cradling his calf. “Are you even putting any chakra in those, or are you just insane?”

That actually gets the barrage of pebbles to stop. “Hm. I can’t tell. Hold on.” She concentrates on the one she’s holding, and gets that same sensation she got on the tree and the stream. It’s faint, flitting, but it’s there. “Ah! Yes, a little bit. I didn’t even realize. I just wanted to get you to shut up about your preferences in women.”

“I’m going to look past that because I am actually quite impressed with your ability you channel chakra into small objects.”

“Thank you!”

“Okay. Well. You clearly know what you’re doing on a theoretical level.”

“I know that.”

“I will leave, smart-ass.”

“Sorry. I’m just used to hanging out with dumbasses.”

“Well, at least that part makes sense.”

“So what don’t I know how to do? Apart from run a marathon.”

“Ah. That. Well, you don’t know how to apply literally any of what you’ve learned. You can barely even control the chakra you put into those pebbles—the distribution was all over the place.”

“Okay, so how do we do—” She starts dry heaving. “Hold on, I’m still—” Inhale. INHALE. “Recovering from the run.” Another wheeze.  “Water?”

He tosses a bottle at Sakura lazily. “Wow, for somebody scared of gaining muscle, you sure are guzzling that bottle—DON’T THROW ANOTHER PEBBLE I’M SORRY. Jeez, you’re almost as bad as Kakashi was as a kid.”

“Whatever. How do I control the chakra I put into objects?”

“Nothing except practice.” Genma reaches out to help Sakura up. “You rested yet? Because you’re about to get a lot more tired.”

After a few hours of yet more nausea-inducing training, Sakura is able to throw kunai into trees with far more power than before, and is now currently working on making sure each one she throws breaches the exact same depth of the tree. With both hands. And sometimes with her eyes closed.

Genma claps his hands together after Sakura nearly hits him with one.

“Ooookay! Looks like you could use a break.”

She runs a hand through her muddied hair. “Ya think?”

“Well, now that we know you can put your kunai in objects with at least a little bit of finesse, we can find out what your chakra affinities are. And that way, you can heighten the power behind it and figure out if there are any taijutsu or kenjutsu katas that augment your chakra specifically.” Genma lazily spits the senbon out of his mouth, and it sails ruthlessly through the air and then through the three Sakura had been using to train. “I have a wind affinity, so directing sharp objects through the air is easier and more effective. Back up a bit for me, will you?”

“Why?” A burst of flame erupts from Genma’s mouth, singing her hair. “FUCK, Genma-senpai!”

“I told you to back up,” He shrugs. “I also have a fire affinity, which is augmented by wind—they’re adjacent affinities. It helps.”

“You can have multiple affinities?”

Genma nods, squatting on the ground and taking a spare senbon from his pouch. “Everybody has their primary affinity, which you’ll find out you have in a second—” He starts drawing symbols in a circle on the ground. “Fire, then wind, lightning, earth, and water.” Fire is strong against wind, wind against lightning, lightning against earth, earth against water.” He draws arrows connecting the symbols. “But while wind is weak against fire, if you use fire against me, I’ll be able to defeat you pretty easily. Why do you think that is?”

“Because you’re a Tokubetsu jonin, and I’m twelve,” Sakura snorts.

“Putting it simply, yeah. I’m at a higher level of mastery than you. Affinity doesn’t trump raw ability, technique, experience, or finesse. It’s just a factor that helps. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Did Kakashi teach you about chakra in general when you started tree walking? Control, and all that?”

Sakura hums. “I mean, he taught us about chakra in relation to force, physically speaking. Like, science-wise, what happens with chakra and why it defies general directional force.”

“Good. Okay. So this will make more sense to you.”

Genma draws two arrows facing each other of the same size. “You know how when you put two magnets with the same pole facing each other, and they’re both strong, nothing really happens?” He waits for Sakura’s nod, then continues: “The same thing happens with jutsus. The poles of the magnet are chakra affinities. So if we were of equal levels and used jutsus with the same affinity against each other, they would cancel out and produce no result. Nobody would get harmed, but you would have still expended the chakra anyway.”

“Okay. So same level, same affinity, they nullify?”

“Exactly.” He draws one big arrow now, facing a much smaller arrow. “But, if one jutsu is stronger than the other, it won’t just beat the weaker jutsu but get stronger itself.” He draws an arrow the size of both others combined, in the direction of the former. “So if you used a wind jutsu on me, you would be affected by not just the force and chakra of my original jutsu, but with the additional bolster of your own power. Double damage.”

“Eurgh. So unless you know you’re super powerful, you kind of have to gamble with jutsus, huh?”

“Yeah, but there can be a strategy element to it. Most clans have shared chakra affinities, which makes picking what to use against them slightly easier. Most Uchiha have fire affinities, so you’d be wise to use water against them, or even earth. Definitely not your own fire jutsu.”

“Okay, but what if they’ve got multiple, the way you do?”

Genma mouths around his senbon for a second, considering the question. “Well, you raise an interesting point.”

“I do?”

“Lemme finish. Yeah, I have two chakra affinities right now, but only one of them was natural,” he makes air quotes around the word. “Most jonin learn to master another chakra affinity in addition to their natural one, for both defensive and power-augmenting purposes. I learned fire precisely because it’s strong against wind, and wind can bolster fire. But it’s rare for a shinobi to naturally have two chakra affinities, and it’s extraordinarily difficult, and as a result pretty damn rare, for anybody to use those secondary or even tertiary chakra natures with the same degree of efficiency and power as their natural affinity.”

“Oh!” Sakura jumps up and points to the diagram. “So if you know somebody’s most probable natural affinity, you can probably predict the other natures they’re good at too! Like if the Uchiha tend to have a natural fire affinity, they will probably learn to master water for the same reason you learned wind, right?” She traces her finger along the arrows. “Soooo… I should use earth, lightning, or even water depending on how skilled they are, right?”

Genma lets out a low whistle. “Damn, you caught on a lot faster than I thought you would, kid. Maybe that pink head of yours is hiding some brains after all.”

Sakura smiles, all teeth. “Well! Can I find out my chakra affinity now?”

“Well, not yet. I still got a little more theory to shove into your brain first.”

“Dude, seriously?”

“Don’t dude me. You wanna start training again, or take a break doing something you’re actually good at?”

“You are absolutely right, sir, so sorry, please do continue, I love diagrams in the dirt and I love learning about nature and also chakra and I want to draw more arrows. Please continue drawing arrows in the dirt with the senbon that you are definitely going to put in your mouth later after you forget to wash it. I am so excited.” Genma smacks the back of your head. “WHAT.”

“I’m about to draw so many new symbols. And so many new arrows. And fuck you, I will wash this senbon. Anyway.”

He starts drawing arrows that branch out and connect from every other symbol, alternating. “Do you know what a kekkei genkai is?”

“Well, yeah. It’s like the sharingan or byakugan, right? A bloodline limit.”

Genma doesn’t look up from his drawing. “Sure. Sometimes it is that. But in the most basic sense, it’s a way of using two or three basic nature transformations simultaneously, which creates a completely new elemental affinity with its own unique properties. A kekkei genkai is when two elements combine. A kekkei touta is when you use three. Generally, people able to combine the elemental nature transformations—chakra affinities, that is—on their own have affinities for all the ones they use.”

“So like… if I combine have a kekkei genkai for fire and water, that means I naturally have an affinity for the both of them, and not just one?”

“Yes.” Genma points with his senbon to emphasize the point. “Exactly that. Damn, you really are quick. Okay. Look at the diagram so far. Figure out any kekkei genkai you think you might recognize.”

Sakura stares at the diagram for a second. “Uh. None.”

“Well. Whatever,” Genma grimaces. “I’ll just show ya. Can’t know everything, I guess.” At the intersection of the arrows from water and wind, he writes ice. “Water and wind make ice. There’s a clan in Ame, the Yuki, that pretty infamously uses it. And then there’s this one, the most famous kekkei genkai in Konoha, apart from the sharingan and the byakugan. Do you know what it is?”

“Didn’t I already tell you like twice that I don’t?”

Genma clenches his jaw like he is trying his very hardest not to punch his interim student in the face. Sakura notices this and simpers.

“The first Hokage,” Genma begins slowly, “Had a unique ability. The Senju clan used this ability to build the compound, and it hasn’t been replicated yet. Your teammates mother may have mentioned this at one time or another.”

Sakura looks at him blankly.

“Hashirama Senju. First Hokage. What was his ability?”

Still blank. Then: “OH. Wood release, duh. That’s a kekkei genkai?”

“Well, what else did you think it was?”

“I dunno. Just something cool that the Shodaime could do. Founder stuff, you know?”

Genma levels her with a look. “Naruto is really rubbing his stupid off on you.”

“You need to go back to telling me how smart I am before I start dirt releasing all over your face.”

“Fuck, calm down, pinky. Let me at least finish this first before you desecrate my face.”

“You’re already not that hot.”

“Dude.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay. So we know ice and wood release. There’s also lava release from fire and earth, storm release from water and lightning, boil release from water and fire, dust release which is fire earth and wind, scorch from fire and wind, explosion from earth and lightning, and magnet from wind and earth. Basically,” Genma picks up his senbon with a flourish (Sakura makes a face), “You can combine any elemental affinities you want to create a technique. There are probably way more possible, we just haven’t seen them yet.”

“Damn, and that makes fighting a whole lot harder, huh? Because you can’t just pick one of the basic elementals to win against a kekkei genkai. Like ice release uses both wind and water… So you can’t just use fire.”

“Exactly. That’s another reason why kekkei genkai are so strong. Strategically at that point, it’s a battle of force and skill, rather than the elements. The more you have, the more it falls on you to defeat them in terms of skill. But then, if you can even use a kekkei genkai, or—gods help us—a kekkei touta—you gotta have an insane amount of power and skill already. So your chances of defeating them even if you’re very skilled in a single elemental affinity is practically zero.”

“Fucking hell. That is… a lot of physics. And chemistry. And technical stuff.”

“You thought being a kunoichi was all woo-woo magic stuff, huh?”

Sakura looks aside. “Well, to civilians, that’s kinda what it seems like. I know shinobi are just people who can actually direct and use their chakra, and that’s really the only thing, but it’s still surprising just how much of it is science-based. And how much theory there is behind everything.”

“Well,” Genma cocks his head to the side. “There is some woo-woo to it all. But Sakura.”

“Hm?”

“You gotta know you’re learning about all this way earlier than most of your peers. Most shinobi are taught jutsu, kata, history, and basic diplomacy skills so they don’t die on the job. But you’re clever, and you absorb information quickly. Most shinobi deprioritize theory because the over-inundation of information prevents them from doing their jobs effectively. You don’t have that problem. And because you’re civilian-born, you’re strong-willed enough to take in whatever needs to be taken in to go as far as your peers. Naruto and probably even Sasuke think this is all woo-woo. Most clan kids think that way. They’re the dumb ones, not you.”

Sakura thinks about that for a second, and her cheeks go warm. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. But lemme show you the real woo-woo element in all this.”

“There’s actually a crazy part of all this?”

“Yeah,” Genma smirks. “yin and yang release.” He draws a yin-yang on the ground under the other diagram. “So, you know how I just explained to you everybody only has one natural chakra affinity, or two if they’re super lucky?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, well, that was actually a lie.” Sakura glares. “That was true in terms of elemental chakra, but everybody also has a yin or a yang release in addition to their elemental affinities, and whether they’re yin or yang informs not only the jutsu they can perform, but the way they approach chakra in general.”

“Okay, this does sound woo-woo. Go on.”

“Glad to satisfy you. So yin release is based on imagination and spiritual energy, whereas yang release is based on vitality and physical energy. Anything that isn’t strictly elemental—like genjutsu, medical ninjutsu, or even Naruto’s shadow clone nonsense are all based on this.”

“Does Naruto have a yang release?”

“Whew. Did you just figure that because he’s a jinchuuriki?”

“Jinchuuriki have yang release? No. I just thought it was because he has too much energy and he can be really annoying.”

Genma bursts out laughing.

“Okay okay okay, we get it, I’m funny, you love me, I’m so smart and cool and I get everything about chakra can I PLEASE know my chakra affinity now? Please? PLEASE?”

“Calm the fuck down, pinky, jeez. Yeah, we can do that now.” He pulls out a piece of paper from his pouch. “Hold this.”

Sakura grabs it. “The hell is this?”

“It’s not gonna strangle you, clam down. It’s chakra induction paper. When you put chakra in it, the reaction of the paper will tell you your chakra affinity. If it’s fire, the paper will light up and burn. If it’s wind, it’ll split in two. If you have lightning, the paper will wrinkle. If it’s earth, the paper will turn to dirt and crumble away, and if you have a water affinity the paper will get wet.”

“Oh, that’s so cool! What?”

“Part of the reason I had you training with kunai for so long is so we wouldn’t have to sit around for ages trying to get you to direct your chakra onto a piece of paper. That would be the worst.”

“Yeah, I think I’d just get really impatient and start yelling and punching things.” Genma looks at her weird.

“You really are so much like Naruto. It’s so weird. Like twins.”

“SHUT UP. Okay, let me put some chakra in this.” Sakura closes her eyes, and screws up her face, and imagines all the chakra in her body going from her chest, to her arms, to her hands, to the paper. Just like with the kunai. Come on.

The paper starts getting wet, and Sakura opens her eyes in shock.

The half of the paper she’s gripping onto with her thumb is wet, and the other half has crumbled to the ground.

Forming a pile of dirt.

Genma’s half-lidded eyes widen, looking slowly from the pile of dirt, to the damp paper in Sakura’s hand, back to the ground again.

“Genma,” Sakura says quietly. “What the fuck?”

Genma takes several deep, long breaths.

“You—” He stops. Hands her another paper. “Do it again.”

Sakura nods. Takes the paper. Directs her chakra. Chest, arms, hands, paper.

“Ew! What?” She opens her eyes, and the paper in her hand has turned to mud. “Oh, fuck. Genma?” He doesn’t respond, but yanks her hand closer to him, running his finger through the wet dirt.

“Shit,” He says under his breath, “That really is mud. Shit. Shit.”

Now Sakura’s starting to freak out a little. “Genma! Genma. That’s. This is.” She searches for the words. “Good, right? This is good. You said it’s good if people can do this.”

Genma doesn’t respond. Again. Instead, he stands up.

“Sakura, wipe your hands off.”

“What?”

“Wipe your hands on your clothes, stand up.” She doesn’t move. “Up, up, come on! Get up!”

Sakura scrambles up frantically. “What? What are you doing? What’s going on?”

Genma gets in defensive stands. “I want you to punch me.”

“Huh?” On instinct, Sakura gets in a fighting stance, too. “Didn’t we already do taijutsu training? You said I sucked.”

“Yeah, in terms of raw power. And we’re gonna fix that. But I wanna try something.” Sakura arches a brow, signalling him to continue. “Punch me, and put some of your chakra in your fist when you do.”

“Huh?”

“Come on. Same way you visualized the kunai, same way you did the paper. Punch me, and when you reach the moment of impact, transfer the chakra from your fist into me. I want to see something.”

Sakura nods, a kind of smirk forming on her face as she grasps what Genma is trying to do. “Okay. How much chakra do you want me to use?”

“Whatever feels natural to you. I’m ready whenever you are.”

She readjusts her legs, zeroes in on the side Genma clearly left open for her—under his left arm. Her dominant side. He was expecting her to be weak. Okay. Let’s work with that. Chest, arm, fist, ribs. She cocks her fist back. Chest, arm, fist, ribs.

She starts to throw the punch, rotating her torso, changing the weight of her legs just like Genma drilled into her a few hours earlier.

Chest, arm, fist, ribs.

Genma’s eyes widen.

Chest, arm, fist ribs.

Sakura’s fist makes contact.

Chest, arm, fist, RIBS.

Sakura yells and lets go, and Genma—

Genma flies backwards, face painted in blank shock as he careens backwards until he collides with the tree they were using for target practice earlier. He lets out a winded little oof, and slumps on the ground.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Sakura looks down at her right hand incredulously. I did that? After losing to Naruto and Sasuke in sparring every day for the past few months?

“I think you broke my ribs,” Genma laughs. “Ouch. Fuck, yeah, you definitely broke my ribs.”

Immediately, Sakura is jolted out of her thoughts. “Genma-sensei, shit, I’m sorry! Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, chill, look—” Genma raises his other hand and puts it to his ribs, which now start to glow a pale green.

“You can use medical ninjutsu?”

“Most skilled shinobi can. It’s especially helpful out on the field. You’ll probably learn at some point,” He says as he staggers up. “But you’re missing the point. The point is did you see what you just did? How fucking cool was that, pinky?” He raises his hands up for a high-five.

Sakura laughs and returns it with a satisfying clap. “I’m surprised too! I didn’t know I was that strong!”

“I had a feeling you could be when you picked up the kunai and the paper chakra transfers that fast. Plus, your dual-affinity for earth and water,” Genma whistles, “You could be a monster.”

“No way, Genma-sensei. I mean, I’m pretty impressed with myself now, too, but be realistic for a second.”

Genma looks at her while letting a senbon play around his fingers deftly. “You are a civilian-born kunoichi who has an innate ability to channel her chakra into where your body needs it the most. And once you do consciously, you can unleash inhuman levels of power. You also have a dual chakra affinity. You remember your own history lessons. The last time anybody had that ability was the Shodaime. It’s good to be humble, pinky, but you be realistic for a second. Look at me when I say this.”

Sakura meets his gaze.

“The only reason—the only reason anybody would have put you on a team with a jinchuuriki and an Uchiha is if you could match them, fill their gaps, and surpass them. You’re not the only mortal in the group. You mentioned earlier that you think you could be the ninjutsu focus in your group—I don’t disagree at all. But I’ll also say you could be a phenomenal taijutsu user. You train with me, you train with Gai, you keep sparring with your team, you’ll learn to meld everybody’s fighting styles together. You’ll condition yourself. You’ll get toned. And as your body improves, so will your chakra reserves. Can you imagine how much powerful you’ll grow, exponentially, if you continue to improve? If you’re able to channel chakra into improved raw power?”

She lets herself imagine it. Pushing her opponents back much farther than she pushed Genma with ease. Using earth and wind jutsus to bolster her taijutsu. Matching Sasuke and Naruto.

Being able to move in a crisis.

Being useful.

Sakura must have some sort of look on her face, because Genma smiles knowingly and ruffles her hair.

“All three of you on Team 7 are monsters. Not just the one with the fox in his stomach and no impulse control. And not just the one with the freaky soldier-eyes. Power isn’t inaccessible to you just because you were born different. Your path will be different, but your outcome will be different, too. Get me?”

She lets that thought roll around her head for a second. “I got you,” she decides. “Okay.” She laughs a little, steeling herself. “Okay, Genma-sensei. What now?”

Genma chuckles a bit to himself too, and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Well, now we have a lot more fuckin’ work to do than I thought we would. But that’s good!”

“Good?”

“Yeah kid, good. Work is good. Means you can get somewhere. First place you’re gonna go? Back home.”

Now Sakura’s really confused.

“Huh? Aren’t we still training?”

“We were gonna, but now I gotta think about things. And ask for a few favors. Fuck,” He adds under his breath. “Nothing you need to worry about right now though. Just go home, rest, and come back here tomorrow bright and early. 6 am.”

“Well, I’ll never complain about sleeping. I’ll head home now, then—see ya tomorrow, Genma-sensei!”

Genma nods, watching her retreating back. Then, as soon as she’s out of sight, he shunshins over to Kakashi’s place.

He lands right in the kitchen, where Kakashi and Gai are sharing a cup of tea.

“FUCK, SHIRANUI,” Kakashi yells, trying to catch the mug he had nearly dropped in shock, “WARN A GUY. WE WERE BUSY.”

In a half-second, Genma weighs his options: spend an hour ribbing Kakashi and Gai about whatever the hell manifestation of their repressed homosexuality it is they’ve got going on today; or deliver fairly important news about Kakashi’s student, and maybe see Kakashi do that thing he does when he’s really shocked, and you can see the whites of his eyes around the entirety of his iris. Always a treat.

Genma goes with the second option.

“Kakashi. Can I borrow Tenzo tomorrow?”

Chapter Text

“Ramen!”

“Curry!”

“Ramen!”

“No. Curry.”

“No, Ramen!”

“I said, we’re having curry!”

“And I’m the guest, so I say we’re having ramen!”

“DOBE. YOU’RE WRONG.”

“TEME. YOU’RE WRONG.”

“Boys, boys, you’re both wrong. I’m cooking, and we’re having okonomiyaki. No complaining from either of you, or I’ll give you natto instead. Understood?”

Sasuke and Naruto turn around to meet Mikoto’s eyes. For such a kind, warm woman, she could really be intimidating when she put her mind to it. Naruto doesn’t think he’s ever seen a set of cooking chopsticks look so scary before.

“Yes, okaa-sama, sorry okaa-sama,” Sasuke grumbles. Mikoto turns to Naruto, brow raised.

“Yes, Mikoto-bachan, sorry Mikoto-bachan.”

Satisfied, Mikoto brightens. “All good, kids! Now set the table for everybody, please, Otou-sama will be home too, Sasuke, so please include his settings. Then you can spar outside.”

“Yes, sounds awesome Mikoto-bachan! Sasuke-teme, I bet I can set the table faster than you!” Naruto runs to the opposite side of the kitchen, roughly yanking open the utensil drawer.

“No you can’t, stupid idiot Naruto, it’s my house!”

“Can too!”

“Can not!”

“Can too!”

“Can NOT!”

“CAN TOO!”

“BOYS.” Mikoto’s slightly raised voice carries across the room. “Please. You’ll give me a headache.”

Just like Kushina, that boy, she thinks fondly. Just as loud, just as stubborn.

Thankfully, the table gets set without any further incident, and Fugaku gets in just in time to serve himself a heaping plateful of dinner.

“Boys,” he starts, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms, “How is training going since you’ve returned from Wave Country? You haven’t been on many missions, I’ve noticed. Kakashi isn’t letting you off easy just because you’re his brother, I hope.” He looks at Naruto archly.

Naruto just laughs it off. “Jichan, you know Kaka-nii would probably use the brother excuse to train us even harder. I mean, look at Gai-nii!” He starts shoveling rice in his mouth. Fugaku shrugs, ceding the point. Gai and Kakashi are noted hard-asses, after all.

“Kakashi-niisan did say we’d start training harder again soon though, Otou-sama. I think he’s just trying to figure out new regimens for all of us, because we ended up learning a bunch of stuff in Wave. Chakra control, combat, and all that.”

“True! Sakura-chan got tree walking and even water walking in like, a day, believe it!”

“A day?” Now Mikoto’s interested. “She’s a civilian, isn’t she?”

“Mhm,” Naruto says around a mouthful of cabbage. “Actually, her parents didn’t even want her training as a kunoichi to begin with! She only got to the Academy because she apparently screamed so loud the whole complex started shaking. Kaka-nii said something her having really good instincts for chakra redirection. Sakura-chan is so cool, believe it!”

Fugaku whistles lowly. “Seems like your teammate might just get ahead of you at this rate, Sasuke. Don’t go resting on your laurels, now.”

“Wha’ ‘oes ‘at ‘ea?”

“Swallow first, then talk, Naruto,” Mikoto says, unphased.

“Sorry. What does that mean?”

“It means, that just because Sasuke has awakened the sharingan, and just because you have the Kyuubi, doesn’t mean you’re set for life, here. Sakura-chan,” he simpers on the name just to see Sasuke and Naruto’s grossed-out faces, “is out-lapping you. Both of you need to buckle down. Don’t you think, dear?”

Now, Mikoto is a kind lady, and a loving mother. She knows the consequences of putting too much pressure on children (just look at her eldest), and really just wants Sasuke and Naruto to be happy. But. She was also best friends with Kushina Uzumaki. She knows the value of red-hot competition when necessary.

“You’re right, honey. Boys, you know it’s bad to be complacent. I hope you’re spending time keeping in shape and training, because I’m sure Sakura is doing the same right now. Wasn’t she the top of your class at the Academy?” She adds, just for good measure.

Sasuke shoots out of his chair. “OKAA-SAMA. I’M DONE. DOBE, LET’S GO TRAIN. THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD!”

And because Naruto only ever needs an excuse to stop being stationary, he immediately follows suit. “THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD, MIKOTO-BACHAN. WE’LL BE OUTSIDE IF YOU NEED!”

The pair race out the door, pushing each other this way and that, trying to compete for who gets to the courtyard first. Sasuke nearly pushes Naruto through the screen door in his desperation, but luckily, Naruto is good at evading surprise attacks and just rolls under him.

“He’s a good brawler, isn’t he?” Fugaku remarks quietly.

“Hm. So unlike his parents. Pretty endearing.”

“Sad how he had to adapt, but certainly advantageous. Sasuke would be wise to train against him.”

“They really are a good match. Let’s just hope the Haruno girl doesn’t make fools of them both.”

Fugaku just smiles to himself, bringing a cup of water to his lips. “She will.”

They only get a moment to themselves, though, because Itachi trudges in, dirty, sweaty, and altogether entirely exhausted. Both absorbed in their dinners, neither parent registers his presence until he flops unceremoniously onto a chair and grabs a spare pair of chopsticks.

“Hello Otou-sama, Okaa-sama,” he says after swallowing a bite of rice. “How were your days?”

Both of them flinch violently at the noise.

“Itachi,” Fugaku eventually says. “You’re here.”

“Yes.”

Itachi and Fugaku Uchiha are incredibly talented men. Accomplished men—even frightening men, to many.

Socially adept men, they are not.

I have to do all the work in this house, Mikoto sighs. “I didn’t know you had a mission today, Itachi,” she tries politely.

Itachi squirms, his cheeks warming as he fiddles with his chopsticks. “I didn’t.” Without any response, he barrels on— “I was training at Kakashi-senpai’s house with the two boys he’s taken in.”

Well, this is new information. “Boys?”

“They were in ROOT. Getting rehabilitated.”

“Oh! Well…” Fugaku flounders, “I see.”

Mikoto gives her husband a look over her bowl of rice that says would it hurt you to be even a little bit less awkward, and Fugaku responds with a sort of bewildered look of his own that Mikoto can pretty easily interpret to mean yes, please help me, I would rather be literally anywhere other than here right now.

Mikoto really does have to do all the work in this house.

“How old are they? Around your age, I hope?”

Itachi swallows around some okonomiyaki. “One of them is. Another is around Sasuke’s age.”

“Sasuke’s age?” Fugaku says, shocked. “I knew Danzo was taking young kids, but that’s inexcusable.”

“How is he? How are both of them?” Mikoto adds. “Do they seem well-adjusted?”

At this, Itachi can smile a little. “They’re both a little… well. Eccentric, to be sure. Tenzo is my age, and he has very big eyes. They can be a little unnerving to look at if he’s trying to assess you. He also has the Mokuton. He won’t tell me how.” Both Mikoto and Fugaku’s brows raise at that, but Itachi doesn’t see, actually absorbed in his own thoughts for once: “And Sai is even stranger. For a child Sasuke and Naruto-kun’s age, he is far more reserved. Maybe controlled might be a better word for it. He also doesn’t understand certain social norms, I think because he’s been in ROOT for his entire life. He often is rude without meaning to, but can draw impressively well. They’re good company, for sure.”

Finally, Itachi meets his parents’ gazes again. “I’m glad I asked Kakashi-senpai to train with them. I’m learning a lot.” A small, almost guilty smile. “I wouldn’t have known what else to do with my time.”

And because Fugaku has all the social grace of an elephant on roller skates, he says “I’m glad you’re expanding your social circle. You used to spend all your time in the Compound. Always attached at the hip to other Uchiha.”

“Fugaku,” Mikoto hisses. Itachi flinches—a slight thing, but for an ex-ANBU, absolutely worth noting. It’s been a few years since that fateful Uchiha clan meeting, but Mikoto knows her eldest son will never forget the look his own grandmother gave him as she called him a puppet, said he was a traitor. Even though the only reason she was even aliveto call him a puppet and a traitor was because Itachi, her eldest, the pride of her life, was anything but.

“Uh,” Fugaku says elegantly.

Itachi looks down at his food for a few moments. His face is carefully blank—but not hurt blank, per se, but certainly lacking outward emotion.

He’s thinking, Mikoto surmises. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Fugaku move to open his mouth again, but before he can manage to lodge his other foot in his mouth, too, she slaps him lightly on the back of the head, effectively shutting him up. He looks at her, pouty and disgruntled, and she responds by jerking her head to her son. Wait, she mouths aggressively to him.

“Otou-sama, Okaa-sama…” Itachi places his chopsticks gingerly down, and Mikoto sees a flash of the boy from seven years ago, same face valiantly screwed-up, looking down at his lap, trying to figure out how to get the words out. “I have to confess something.”

Mikoto stomps on Fugaku’s foot under the table before he can say something impressively inane, like, “again?”.

“Is everything okay, Itachi?”

“Oh! Yes. Yes. I’m not in danger. But… I feel guilty about something.”

DO NOT MAKE THAT FACE, FUGAKU, Mikoto thinks. DO NOT—he’s making the face.

“Guilty about what, son?”

“I—I know I’m not supposed to anymore, because Obaa-sama told me not to, but.” Itachi pauses, and his eyes flit up to look at his parents. A blink-and-you-miss-it moment. But it’s there, the tell.

Mikoto immediately knows she has to be very careful about how she responds, because Itachi might accidentally activate his sharingan.

“I’ve been training with Shisui and Izumi. And Sasuke. In addition to with Sai and Tenzo.”

Well, we already knew that, at least, but I can’t say that—

“Oh, just that? We already knew that, son. Can you serve me some more rice?”

Mikoto is going to have to sit Fugaku down one day and teach him how to be tactful when it’s not an immediate life-or-death situation.

“You… knew?”

Mikoto leans forward, using the motion to mask her discreetly pinching Fugaku’s thigh, a signal that she hopes to every god out there he takes to mean oh, I should sit this one out.

“We’ve known for a while, Itachi. You’re in no trouble.”

“I’m not?” Itachi’s face slackens in shock. He looks remarkably like Sasuke, Mikoto thinks, in these moments. Like the teenager he is.

“Why would you be?”

“Because! Because I broke the rules!”

“Sometimes rules are meant to be broken, Itachi,” Fugaku interjects. “And you know that yourself. If you just followed every rule, every order, without thinking, we wouldn’t all be here today. And you wouldn’t be able to call yourself a shinobi from the clan Uchiha, wouldn’t you?”

Ah, I knew there was a reason I put up with him.

“That’s… true,” Itachi says carefully. “But these rules, they’re put in place by obaa-sama. They’re by us. How can you just be totally okay with me disobeying them?”

Fugaku swallows around another mouthful of rice. “Well, think of it this way. If you’re on a mission, and your captain tells you to put the mission first at the cost of your life, you would, right?”

Itachi nods.

“Okay, great. But now what if you were on a mission, and your captain tells you to just sit out, for no reason, and you know the mission would be compromised as a result?”

Itachi’s got that hint of a shine in his black eyes that Mikoto and Fugaku both know means he’s starting to get it. “I… would argue my case, and put the mission first. I’d put the mission first.”

“Right. The mission first.”

“And for our family, our mission is making sure you grow up well. Into a fine man—not a weapon, or a shinobi, or even an Uchiha. And for us to make sure you grow into the person you’re meant to be, we’re willing to past a few things.”

“Oh.”

“We’re proud of you, Itachi,” Mikoto adds. “Of how you’ve grown up—especially because now we know you’re not afraid to look out for yourself.”

Itachi finally cracks a wry little smile at that. “It was Sasuke who convinced me to start training again, actually.”

“Well, we always knew that boy was a good influence on you. That’s what growing up with Naruto in that mish-mash household will do to you. And I’m glad you’re getting back into a routine, Itachi.”

It’s true. Itachi’s eyes have looked less sallow lately, he’s been spending more time out of the house. Of course, he’s careful to avoid the main streets, because gossip gets out faster than the plague in the Uchiha compound, but he isn’t holing himself up anymore, he’s taking missions, smiling more genuinely. It’s good.

Even if it’s not fully good yet, it’s most certainly getting better. And if Mikoto and Fugaku have to have a private conversation with the Clan Head, then that’s something they can handle themselves.

Itachi deserves this. A normal upbringing—as normal as they can make it, after their failure the first fourteen years.

Sakura runs her hands through her hair roughly. She’s been trying to decipher the same scroll for the last hour and a half, and she’s gotten approximately nowhere. It’s something on yin release, because she didn’t really understand it as much as the other kinds of chakra, and this scroll is decidedly not helping.

And there aren’t even any other, newer, less dense versions of yin release in the library. Apparently Genma told her about yin and yang release in the first place because she got the other affinity stuff too easily. And yin and yang release are not… commonly known chakra releases, because everybody has them.

God, Sakura thought she was done studying after she graduated the Academy. Guess not.

She tries to get back to the text in front of her when a snore jostles her out of her thoughts.

A snore she could recognize anywhere.

Ah. It’s Shikamaru.

She looks around. The library is pretty much empty, with no random adults to yell at her. And she’s bored, dammit. So bored.

Okay, she might as well. She’s only got this one life.

She slides, cat-like, into the chair across from him, and gingerly places her scrolls and bottle of water down, making sure he doesn’t stir. Then:

“SHIKAMARU NARA!”

He jumps up from the table.

“FUCK, WOMAN. YOUR VOICE. I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP.”

“Well,” Sakura smiles, “Don’t sleep in the library, then!” She levels Shikamaru with a look, who sits carefully back down, looking balefully at her. “Why are you even here in the first place if all you’re gonna do is sleep?”

He doesn’t answer immediately, instead electing to go back to pillowing his head with his arms on the table. “Why are you here?”

“Don’t answer a question with a question, it’s bad form.”

“Why not?”

“I asked first.”

“I asked second.”

“Why won’t you even look at me when you talk to me?”

A grunt. “Too lazy. This is comfier.”

Sakura rolls her eyes. It was a good one, she’s kind of sad Shikamaru didn’t bother to see it. “Is laziness your actual kekkei genkai?”

Shikamaru doesn’t look at her, not yet, but she can see the tiny stiffening in his shoulders and forearms.

“How do you know what that is.” It’s phrased like a question. It isn’t one.

“Everybody knows what kekkei genkai are. What else would people call the sharingan and byakugan?”

“No. Everybody knows about Clan abilities. Nobody our age calls them kekkei genkai.”

Sakura raises a brow. “That’s how I learned them.”

Shikamaru readjusts his head so he can meet Sakura’s gaze head-on. His features are relaxed, but there’s a shrewdness in his gaze. A sharpness, not unlike a crow, Sakura thinks.

“We didn’t learn that at the Academy.”

“No,” Sakura allows, “We didn’t.”

Shikamaru hums. “Kakashi have time to teach you about kekkei genkai in between nearly getting killed twice in Wave?”

“Does everybody know about that?” Sakura snorts.

“You think Naruto’s letting any chance to tell that story slide?”

“Fair point. Wait. Now you have to tell me what you’re doing here.”

She gets a raised brow in response. “You never actually told me why you were here.”

Sakura groans. “I’m researching chakra theory, okay? Now your turn.”

“We’ll get back to that in a minute, but whatever. I come here when I’m bored. Study strategy. Read up on history.”

Now this, Sakura’s surprised by. “You came up here to do work? On a weekend?”

“Not work if you like it.”

“Well. Yeah, I guess. Why strategy and history?”

Shikamaru hums again, but this one is a little longer, a little more thoughtful. Well, at least he thinks I can bothered with right now. “I like being prepared. And having information.”

“Do you get charged per word or something?”

He actually laughs at that one. “Didn’t take you for a class clown, Sakura.”

“Well.” She looks down at the scroll in front of her and smirks to herself a bit. “I was a bit too busy trying to crawl up Sasuke-kun’s ass at the time, so I get it.”

That gets a reaction. The image of a thrown-off Shikamaru with his eyes bugging out of his head is not one that’ll leave Sakura soon. God, that feels good.

“You’ve changed.”

She shrugs. “Yeah. I needed to.”

“Hm.”

“Stop assessing me. I’m just being normal now.”

“Dude, whatever. Why are you studying chakra theory?”

“Do I need to explain everything to you?”

“Yeah, miss first-in-the-Academy.”

Sakura raises an incredulous brow. “Uh huh.”

“Yeah, uh-huh. Spill it.”

She groans. “I thought you were too lazy to force me to have a conversation?”

“Well, you’ve interested me now.” Fuck. Good answer. She says so out loud. “I know, that’s why I said it.”

“Dick.”

“Yeah. Spill.”

Sakura rolls her eyes again. “Fine. Oh my fuck, fine. I’m studying chakra theory because I’m trying to figure out my place on the team.” She grumbles.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean. Sasuke’s got the sharingan, so he’s kind of set in terms of ninjutsu. I expect he’ll want to train with genjutsu. He’s a fine fighter—a little too polished, though. Maybe he’ll use a weapon, who knows. And Naruto doesn’t really have a lot of finesse, but he’s got a ginormous chakra reserve on account of the—”

“—the fox in his stomach, right.”

“Yeah, that.” Sakura nods to herself, feeling more confident with Shikamaru’s undivided attention on her. “So he can use big jutsus, but probably doesn’t have a lot of versatility in that department. On the other hand, because he grew up constantly pulling pranks and having to avoid civilians, he’s damn good at taijutsu. A great balance of power and unpredictability. He’s got what he’s learned from the Academy and Kakashi-sensei and Tsunade-sama, but he’s got a good instinct for things, too. So that’ll be where he shines.”

“Hm,” Shikamaru takes a second to take it in. “Well, yeah, I guess.”

“Yeah? Just yeah?”

She just gets a smirk in return. “Yeah. Now where do you fit in?”

“Well. We got genjutsu and taijutsu covered right? I know I can be good at taijutsu, especially because I’m pretty good at chakra direction, so I’ll be able to increase the power in my attacks. But I think I’ll be the best at ninjutsu, between the three of us. And the basis of ninjutsu is chakra, so…”

“So you’re reading up on chakra.”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. Well. Good for you.”

“You are so exhausting to talk to, do you know that? You do absolutely none of the work. Pisses me off. Which is good, actually, because I have to go.”

“My mom says the same thing actually. Where ya goin’?

“Training with Genma-sensei in a sec. Why, library already bored you out of your mind?”

“Well. Yes.”

Sakura starts gathering her stuff, puts her hair in a quick ponytail and starts making her way to the door. “You can come if you want, but I’m not waiting for your lazy ass to come with, ya’know.”

Shikamaru whines something under his breath and follows her out the door.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

They get to Training Ground 5, and it is…

Empty.

Mother of all fuckers, Sakura thinks.

Shikamaru looks flatly at her. “So are you early, or does Genma-sensei just not really believe in time as a social construct?”

“Can you not be a pain in the ass for like, one second? Please?”

“No.”

“Yeah, don’t know why I even bothered to ask,” Sakura sighs. “Alright, let’s… Let’s start ourselves, I guess. Ugh.”

In an entirely predictable turn of events, Shikamaru elects not to respond, and instead lays down on a large boulder and starts cloud-gazing.

“That one looks kinda like a dog,” he says.

“Yeah, well I’m looking at something that looks pretty much like an ass to me.”

Shikamaru’s head lifts ever-so-slightly to look at her over his own torso. “You’re quick.”

“Didn’t we go over this already?”

“I’m paying you a compliment, woman, who cares if it’s the same one I gave you ten minutes ago? Picky, picky.”

“I tend to value the compliments of people who can stand to be vertical for at least 10 waking hours per day. Do you fall into that category?” Sakura begins to rifle through her knapsack.

“What’cha looking for in there?” Shikamaru sits up.

“Someone who fits that criteria I’m looking for.” She finds what she was looking for, and pulls out a worn and creased scroll with a flourish. “It was this. Don’t worry, I don’t care enough about our banter to bring physical props into it.”

“Why do you sound like you’re…” about to die if you don’t say something snarky, Shimakaru would like to say. He doesn’t, because his mother raised him to be a nice, well-mannered man. Sometimes.

And also, he doesn’t say it because Sakura is already paying him no attention at all. She’s sat down, scroll unfurled in front of her, peering at the text with a mildly disgruntled look on her face. She hunches almost comically towards the ground over her crossed legs and starts muttering, hands making aborted gestures that Shikamaru can tell are the beginnings of hand signs.

“Shikamaru, how do you do the inu hand sign again? Is it one-handed or two-handed?”

“Uhh…” Shikamaru actually has to think for a second. “I think it’s like this,” he says, bringing his left hand flat on top of his right fist. “You doing some sorta water release?”

Sakura looks up at him, shocked. “How did you figure that out?”

He shrugs. “Inu is used in a lot of water release stuff. It’s kinda tied to the element. So is that your affinity?”

“Yeah,” Sakura says simply. Especially after the conversation the team had in Wave, she’s not so sure she wants to start telling everybody about her dual-affinity. “Kakashi-sensei gave me this scroll back in Wave, and I haven’t had a chance to start deciphering it yet, so I thought I’d do it now.

“Well you’re just a go-getter, aren’t you?”

“Alright, you’re done, shut up while I work, please.” This time, Sakura gets up, bringing the scroll with her, and goes towards the forested area.

“Whatever.” Shikamaru lays back down and shuts his eyes, trying to see how many sounds he can pick up without any visual cues. Not only is it deeply relaxing, it’s productive enough that nobody can say he’s being lazy. Not that he cares, really, but. It’s less of a hassle.

He’s about to (finally!) fade into sleep when he starts to hear the beginnings of a new noise, the small tricklings of water somewhere. But they’re nowhere near a stream, this training ground is entirely dry, which means—

Shikamaru gets up just in time to see the side profile Sakura’s face, bright in shock and awe, as a stream of water erupts from her right fist. She moves her arm this way and that, testing the give of her own chakra, letting out a small, delighted laugh when she concentrates and the stream of water sputters into a larger, more powerful jet of water.

And he gets a front row seat to Sakura’s eyes narrowing mischievously, right before—

“Huh— Hey!”

Nobody can say Shikamaru can’t at least act fast when necessary.

Right as Sakura was about to turn the jet of water onto him, Shikamaru made a quick decision—and caught Sakura in his shadow possession jutsu.

Seeing her face blanche and try to move her own shadow froze her in place was certainly something. If Shikamaru cared enough to be sadistic, he could really milk this for all its worth in battle. Good thing he’s more of a behind-the-scenes guy.

“What the hell did you do to me, Shika!?”

Sakura’s starting to panic now, so Shikamaru releases her with a quick kai and smirks as she immediately jumps and tries to shake the residual feeling of the shadow restraints off her.

“Well,” he shrugs, “you showed me yours, so I decided to show you one of mine.” At her incredulous look, Shikamaru relents: “It’s a Nara clan thing. Shadow possession jutsu.”

And like it was never there in the first place, the panic and frustration immediately clears from Sakura’s face, eagerness immediately replacing it.

“Oh wait that’s so cool! Is it complicated? How did you learn it? Do you know how it works?”

“No, my old man taught me, yes.”

“Can you teach me how it works?” Shikamaru gives her a flat look. “No, dummy, I meant the mechanics of it. Without divulging clan secrets, of course. Honestly,” she adds, “It’s like all the clans have some genetic predisposition towards your kekkei genkai. Like it’s not all just ninjutsu.”

“Welllll….”

“Well what?”

“Just come sit down. I’m not explaining this to you while you’re standing.”

“But you’re sitting, so what difference does it make?”

“One, I don’t like having to crane my neck. Two, I don’t like being looked down on. Physically, I mean.”

“Well.” Sakura can’t really argue with that. “Okay.” She sits cross-legged across from Shikamaru.

“In a lot of ways, yeah, kekkei genkai is just ninjutsu. But you know about chakra affinities and stuff, right?” Sakura nods. “Yeah, so within clans, people often have the same chakra affinity, which makes their kekkei genkai easier. Like, the Uchiha clan tends to be fiery.”

“I know that already.”

“Alright, alright, shut up, woman. Yes, so like, some kekkei genkai are naturally related to their affinity. But stuff like the sharingan and byakugan aren’t, because they do have different genetics. The story goes that they were given their powers by some god or something a long time ago, but that’s neither here nor there. If you directed every ounce of chakra in your body towards your eyes, you wouldn’t suddenly develop tomoe. Does that make sense?”

“I guess?”

“It’s kinda why the Hyuga and the Uchiha have their own separate compounds within the city—their own districts. Having their kekkei genkai be inextricable from their physical forms can end up being a huge liability. For body harvesting, and stuff.”

“People do that?”

“Sakura.” Shikamaru looks at her. “Yeah. Not all the time, but yeah. I mean, think about what you saw in Wave. Why do you think bounty hunters look for bounty? Why do you think some people are worth more than others?”

Sakura colors. “I mean. I guess now that I think about it, that makes sense, but…” She shudders to herself. “Okay, never mind. Just keep going. So shadow possession isn’t physically based? I mean, you don’t have…” She gestures. “Anything weird going on, so.”

“Yeah, exactly. But the shadow possession jutsu has nothing to do with nature affinity—we’re yin release.”

Little do they know, Genma and Kakashi have been there the whole time—just up in the trees, hidden from view.

They watch, flabbergasted, as Sakura and Shikamaru huddle closer and closer, as Shikamaru starts explaining yin release, using his finger to draw out his points on the rock, veering into technicality and clan secrets—as Sakura starts to make aborted movements that they know to be marked versions of the shadow possession seal—as the two of them talk and parry and debate and ask questions far more advanced than their peers.

Genma whistles lowly. “What the hell have you been teaching her?”

Kakashi, for his part, just shakes his head in disbelief. “Not all that, that’s for sure. She mentioned she’s been in the library a lot lately, but…”

“She was able to decipher that scroll astonishingly quick, too.”

“Caught on faster than Kurenai did, back in the day.” Kakashi peers down at her. “She’s a freak.”

“A monster, just like the other two. Maybe your kids are better matched than we all thought.”

Kakashi smiles under his mask. “Good. They’ll need someone as smart as her. I love my brother, but he’s kind of a dumbass.”

“You said it, not me.”

“Well, let’s put them out of their misery.”

The two shunshin down to the draining ground, relishing in the frightened jumps they get out of their genin.

“Kakashi-sensei! Genma-sensei! You guys are so late!”

“We were helping some old ladies do some shopping.”

“No you weren’t.”

“No, we weren’t,” Genma allows. “We were just spying on our cute little genin! Shikamaru, what are you doing here?”

Shikamaru bristles. “How do you know who I am?” Genma just looks at him. “Sorry, stupid question.”

“Well, at least you’re not that stupid. You didn’t answer my question.”

“Sakura woke me up in the library, I wanted to harass her a little bit.”

Kakashi blinks owlishly at the boy. “Well. I suppose that’s as fair an excuse as any. Genma, do you have any issue with him being here?”

At the same time, Genma says, “Why would I?” and Shikamaru drawls “Why would he? Knowledge is for the masses, after all.”

“Will you shut up.”

Shikamaru looks at Sakura. “Why are you telling me to shut up? You’ve done nothing but run your mouth since this morning. If you weren’t running your mouth, I’d still be asleep in the library.”

“You could still be asleep in the library if you didn’t insist on following me here!”

“Well you said—”

“No I didn’t, YOU said—”

“BOTH OF YOU. Shut up—my gods you are as bad as Naruto and Sasuke, I swear.”

“No we’re not!” Sakura and Shikamaru chorus. They both immediately flush.

“Sakura, if I ever see you rolling your eyes at them again, It’s fifty laps for hypocrisy, ya hear?”

“Yes, Kakashi-sensei.”

“Great! Now, my sweet little genin, what did you learn from the scroll I gave you?”

Sakura’s chastened expression immediately clears at the opportunity to show off her new knowledge.

“I learned a lot! I was able to make the stream and change its size and power too, which is pretty cool, and I wanna figure out if there’s a way to change the shape of it, like, use it as a rope or something. And I’d like to know if I can incorporate it into my taijutsu! Like a bonus with my punches, or something. There are a ton of practical applications, like if we’re stranded on a mission and need water, but I wonder if you can change the makeup of the water from salt to fresh, or if it’s fresh from the start, or if using that on missions isn’t a good idea because chakra exhaustion will get you faster? I mean, if you can ration out your chakra into the water, couldn’t it also be a way of providing strength to your team members? If they drink it, I mean. Because even though it’s just water, it’s still in the form of a jutsu, right? And all jutsus take chakra. But I wonder how much your body’s chakra gets diluted within the actual physicality of the jutsu—Kakashi-sensei, do you have any books or scrolls on that? I’d like to research.”

When Sakura makes eye contact with him, he looks…

Well. As taken aback as one can look with only one eye visible.

“When’d you start reading the scroll?”

Sakura shrugs. “I dunno, a little bit ago. When did we get here, Shika?”

“A half-hour to an hour, give or take.”

“What were you doing on the library?”

“Trying to figure out yin release. Nobody has anything on it, which is so annoying, because apparently it’s in everything! But shadow possession is yin, so Shika was helping me out with that. Wish I was a Nara. Would be so easy to shut people up with that.”

“It doesn’t shut people up though, just traps them in place.”

“What are you talking about? You have those shadow tendrils. You can manipulate them over somebody’s mouth, can’t you?”

“I—” Shikamaru pauses. “Yeah. I guess you could. I gotta talk to my dad about that.”

“I’m sure Shikaku already knows that, Shikamaru,” Kakashi interjects. “Good instinct, though.”

“Sakura-chan, you’re kind of a freak, did you know that?”

“Huh?”

“You were able to decipher that scroll mighty quickly. Not only decipher it, but successfully execute it. Not only successfully execute it, but extrapolate its uses to other practical means. Most people just think of a jutsu as just that—a jutsu. Something that performs one singular action. When they need a stream, they use that jutsu. When they need a powerful or more foreboding jet of water, they use the water dragon jutsu. But you’re able to think beyond the constraints of what’s written on the page. That’ll serve you quite well regardless of what you do as a kunoichi in the future.”

“Oh!” Sakura glows. “Oh. Well. Thank you!”

“Don’t thank me, squirt, thank yourself. Your brain is gonna be the only thing keeping your team alive, I’m sure of it.” Kakashi looks appraisingly at Genma and then Shikamaru. “This is actually probably a good group for you. If you can take apart jutsu that quickly, you’ll be just as valuable as a battle strategist. Like a general or a diplomat. Ah—not instead of someone on the frontlines, but someone who manages the plan. An asset, inside and out.”

If somebody had told Sakura in that moment that she learned an air jutsu, she would’ve believed them—she’s practically floating off the ground with the praise.

Ah. I finally have it—

And then she collapses.

“Wh—Sakura! Are you okay? What’s going on?” Genma and Kakashi scramble forward. “Was it something you ate? Are you okay?”

She’s folded over, forearms on her knees, and her shoulders are wracked with sobs.

Shikamaru doesn’t really care for things like delicacy or emotional tact, so he just nudges Sakura with his foot. “What.” She wavers a little bit with the force, but doesn’t respond, so he ignores the aghast looks Genma and Kakashi give him to give her a proper kick this time. “What.”

Sakura sniffles. “Sorry—I. Sorry.” She wipes at her face furiously. “It’s just. I don’t have a giant fox. Or a set of magic eyes. Or a clan to help me. And I’m also kind of mean to people when they annoy me. And my parents hate that I’m a kunoichi. So when I was assigned to be on a team with Sasuke and Naruto initially, I was really pissed and scared because I thought Naruto would be kind of a nuisance and that I wouldn’t be able to contribute as a paper-nin, and back then I was so focused on getting Sasuke-kun’s attention that I never really paid attention to my own faults. And then when we were in Wave all of my insecurities came hurtling back, because all I was was talk. I got over the Sasuke-kun thing, and kind of my Naruto thing, and I learned that I could do stuff that they couldn’t—like the tree-walking and the water-walking and stuff, which was. Amazing, it was so amazing. But then I couldn’t actually do anything—I had to stand by and cry and freak out and panic when Sasuke nearly died because of poisoned senbon and Kakashi-sensei nearly died because of Zabuza and all I could do was watch! And so I’ve been freaking out because I had nothing to show for myself—nothing to justify to my parents that I’m a good kunoichi, that I’m putting myself in danger for something good, that I’m marring my skin for something good, that I won’t be married while I’m young and pretty for something good, that I’m not going to be the daughter they wanted me to be for something good. And now I can…” Sakura heaves a breath, swallowing around the phlegm in her throat and wiping the tears that started to fall again now that she’s talking, “I can be of use. Of equal use in my team. I’m just. Really happy there’s a way forward for a girl like me—for a kunoichi like me. That I won’t be put on the backburner.”

“You’re plenty valuable, Sakura,” Genma says gently. “We all know that. I wouldn’t have helped you if I didn’t think you had a ton of potential. And some existing raw ability, too.”

“Really?”

Kakashi runs a hand through his hair. Like me, kind of. I can hear it in her. The anxiety. Desperation, maybe.

“Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight?”

“Huh?”

He squats to bring himself eye-level with his student. “Don’t underestimate the Hokage. She knows how these things work. And don’t forget, she raised your teammate. You think she would put her son and his closest friend with somebody who couldn’t stand by their side as an equal?”

Sakura’s eyes begin to clear over. “Well, when you put it like that, sensei…”

“Uh-huh.” The sensei in question stands up, eye squinting into a comforting crescent as he smiles and ruffles her hair affectionately. “Don’t forget, your teammates aren’t just formidable shinobi. Well, frankly, neither of them are formidable shinobi yet—they just have strange circumstances. They’re just kids, Sakura-chan. Kids like you.”

He extends a hand to her, and she takes it.

“You should join too, Shikamaru.”

Shikamaru blinks at the direct address. “Why?”

“Don’t question your sensei, Nara.”

“Genma-sensei, all respect, but do you think that’s gonna work on me?”

Genma huffs. “I had to try.”

“Because, Shikamaru, I think you can stand to be around more energetic people. Impulsive people. You need to be able to work with people that aren’t in the Ino-Shika-Cho formation.”

“Ughhhhh,” Shikamaru says, standing up too. “I suppose there is some merit to what you’re saying.”

“Is your attitude genetic?”

“I don’t know, Genma-sensei, why don’t you ask my parents?”

“Point taken.”

Kakashi looks bemused. “Why are you engaging with a twelve-year-old?”

“Are you of all people asking me this right now?”

“None of that, Genma, or you’re not getting Gai’s dinner. He’s making salmon tonight.”

Genma immediately mimes zipping his lips shut.

While the kids and Genma start walking towards Kakashi and Gai’s, Kakashi busies himself by summoning Pakkun, who appears with a small poof.

“Hey boss,” he barks. “How can I help?”

“Hey, Pakkun. I need you to deliver a few messages for me.” The dog nods. “First, I need you to go to Asuma and ask him about when Shikamaru might be free for joint training with Sakura—actually, tell Shikaku, too. Tell them it shouldn’t interfere with Team 10’s schedule, but it would be beneficial for the both of them. And then go to Hiyashi Hyuga and ask him if he can meet with me in the next few days.”

“Should I tell him what for?”

“Not unless he asks directly. If he does, tell him it’s about Naruto and the Kyuubi.”

“Alright, sounds good, boss. Anything else.”

“Not right now.” Kakashi fishes out a piece of jerky from his pack and tosses it. “For your time.”

“Thanks, boss. On it now. I’ll have a report for you soon,” says Pakkun, already beginning to trot away.

Once Kakashi catches up with the rest of the group, Genma raises an inquisitive brow.

“Just having him run some errands for me. Oiling the cogs.” He nods at Sakura and Shikamaru. “They’re gonna be scary together.”

Genma hums in agreement. “What was that about Hyuga?”

“Well, I— ah ah ah Sakura, don’t do that!— what? Oh. I was thinking about what Sakura was telling me earlier about her chakra control. Naruto has his own obstacles to overcome, and I was thinking Hiyashi might be able to help him with channeling his chakra—and the Kyuubi’s—in a more constructive, less exhausting way.”

“That’s.” Genma stops in his tracks. “Actually a very good idea, Kakashi. And it builds trust with the Hyuga clan… keeps them in line politically because you’re entrusting the Hokage’s charge to their Clan Head. A win-win.”

Kakashi smiles under his mask. “It’s been known to happen. Now go wash your hands.”

Dinner comes and goes. Naruto and Sasuke scream and fight, Shikamaru and Sakura observe and make cutting side-comments, Genma ribs Kakashi because he apparently looked “besotted” when Gai served him salmon—which was very good. Sasuke ropes Shikamaru (surprisingly!) into an arm-wrestling contest that ends up sending a bowl of rice careening off the table that Kakashi has to catch. Naruto zones out halfway the meal because he and Kurama get into an argument about… something. Kakashi’s lost track. The table is set, dirtied, cleaned. Dishes are washed and dried. Tea is served. The kids scramble back outside to “train,” which everybody knows means betting dessert over who wins whatever round of whatever brawl they’re on. Kid stuff.

Kakashi is perfectly happy to let the lower half of his face breathe now that his students are outside, to nurse his tea in the quiet living room with Gai and Genma.

“How was your day, Gai?”

He smiles. “Sai and Tenzo are doing well, which makes me happy. But—”

Genma frowns. “But what?”

“I’m having trouble with one of my genin. Rock Lee. He reminds me a lot of myself—earnest. Emotional.”

“What’s the issue with him?” Kakashi takes a sip of his tea.

Gai sighs, staring into his cup. “He has no chakra. Or at least, no way to access it.”

“No chakra.” Now, that’s a shock. “How is he a genin?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Gai admits. “I think he got admitted to the Academy as a mistake and just made it through with sheer willpower. Since he’s been my genin, I’ve taken him under my wing, had him focus on taijutsu one hundred percent of the time, and he’s a truly formidable fighter now. He could likely join us on our daily workouts, rival!”

“Woah, wait.” Kakashi puts his cup down. “Your genin is conditioned enough to do our workout?”

Gai nods happily. “Lee is truly special. He has the heart of a shinobi—a will, a love for Konoha and his team, a sense of justice, a moral compass. I couldn’t be prouder to be his sensei.”

“Then what’s the issue?” Genma asks. “From everything you said, it seems like you turned Lee from… I dunno. Lemons to lemonade. Zero to hero.”

Kakashi looks perturbed. “Please don’t try to be clever. It doesn’t suit you.”

“And your bare face doesn’t suit you, but I don’t say anything about that, do I?”

“Genma, Kakashi, please.”

“Sorry, Gai,” They chorus. Another routine occurrence.

“The problem is, Lee is starting to get insecure. My team is beginning to take on more challenging missions, and. Well. He’s having a bit of trouble maintaining the rapport he had before with his teammates?”

“Who are they?”

“Well,” Gai’s thick brows furrow. “One of them is Neji Hyuga. From the branch clan.”

Kakashi sits back in his chair. “Ah.”

Genma looks put out, too. “That’ll do it, won’t it.”

“Yes, I. I’m not quite sure how to reassure my precious student that he won’t hit a ceiling. I understand Neji’s woes. It’s so unfair what his clan has done to him—but I can’t interfere in that. But he can’t project his own issues onto my other student. But if I tell him that, it’s not going to change anything.”

“Like the teacher telling the bullies that the kid tattled on them,” Genma nods sagely.

“Exactly.” Gai looks forlorn. Kakashi just wants to hold him. No he doesn’t. What? He needs to focus on the conversation. “I just need to figure out a way for them to respect each other again, to see each other’s strengths instead of their weaknesses. So that Lee can stop feeling inferior, and Neji can stop thinking strength only lies in chakra output.”

“Chakra output is no guarantee of power,” Kakashi agrees. “I mean, look at you. You barely use it, and you’re one of the strongest shinobi I know.”

Gai suddenly flushes. “Um, I—”

“Do I need to leave?”

Kakashi is confused. “What did I say?” He looks frantically between Gai and Genma. “Did I say something wrong? I thought it was a compliment! Was it not? Was I condescending?”

“No! No, not at all! I was just surprised, Kakashi. I’m honored, my rival.” Gai puts a soothing hand on Kakashi’s arm, and now he’s flushing.

“Oh, okay,” Kakashi says. Swallows. “Cool! That’s cool, then.”

“Gai, it’s been years of this bullshit, can you please put us out of our misery?”

“Years of what bullshit?” Kakashi says at the same time Gai says “Gai, please.”

“Years of what bullshit?” Kakashi says again, looking straight at Gai. “Why do you and Genma keep bringing this up? What bullshit? What am I doing? Are you mad at me?”

Genma looks thoroughly exhausted. “Are you daft?”

“Genma, go easy on him, you know he has no idea how to handle any of this sort of stuff.”

“So? The man’s an adult! And you can’t keep waiting around, you know! It’s bad for you!”

“But it’s not like I’m being taken for granted here, he’s just daft!”

“HEY! I AM RIGHT HERE!”

“Not now, Kakashi, we’re talking.”

“ABOUT ME!” Genma stands up, his chair scraping violently against the wood floor. “Hey! Aren’t you the one always yelling at me about being careful?”

He’s already half into the hall, stomping into the living room where Kakashi and Gai can hear him muttering to himself angrily. Genma stomps back in and unceremoniously drops a book into Kakashi’s lap.

“I know you hate his ass. So do I. But I ain’t having this conversation with you, and neither is Gai. Reread this, using your brain, and fix your shit. Now.”

Kakashi looks down at the book, and without a mask on, Gai and Genma can see firsthand the flush that rises steadily up his face. The slight drop of his jaw.

It’s Kakashi’s copy of Icha-Icha Paradise. He stares at the cover, the two girls giggling and whispering at each other as a guy wraps himself around one of them with a shit-eating grin. Squints at it. Looks through it.

Kakashi looks up at Gai, and then, very slowly, back down at the book. Then back at Gai again, who now looks mortified. Genma just looks very tired.

“I—”

“Nuh-uh,” Genma cuts him off. “You’re not doing this with me in the room. You are twenty-six years old. Do this yourself. Yourselves. Please.”

Kakashi thinks he would probably be able to fry an egg using the heat radiating off of Gai’s face. He opens his mouth, closes it. The last time he was reading this was—

The genin exam. Oh god. WAIT.

Kakashi clamors up. “Hold on.” He cuts Genma off. “Not about…” Kakashi looks at Gai apologetically. “This. But you’ll like this! Hold on.” He shakes his head, dog-like, to reset himself. “I know how to fix your team’s problems. And it’ll give us all something to do.”

Genma sits back down incredulously, and Gai re-focuses.

Kakashi lets himself smile. It’s so rare he has good ideas. Is a good sensei. And he’s had two little breakthroughs today. Minato-sensei and Kushina-senpai would be proud of him, he thinks. Maybe.

“I think we should register our teams for the chuunin exams.”