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Chapter Text

It was the eve of Winter Holidays, the sun hadn't even risen yet, and Jayce was already annoyed.

He was startled out of sleep by the sounds of Viktor's work, since apparently his partner simply had to drill something at their working station at six o'clock in the morning.

"Do you have to do this right now?" Jayce groaned and rubbed his face.

"I couldn't sleep. I have waited enough already, I was tempted to get up three hours ago."

Jayce let out a deep sigh of frustration. He turned in bed to glance at where their desk was, at Viktor's tense back. He knew very well by now that the constant buzzing in Viktor's mind that so often resulted in brilliant ideas sometimes kept him up even at night, but recently it came to a point of being a nuisance.

"And you have to go to work anyway, no?" Viktor added flatly.

That much was true, although Jayce had hoped that since they both returned late last night and immediately went to sleep they would at least eat breakfast together...

Another glance at Viktor's form told Jayce not to approach him with trivialities like that, so he simply got up with a sigh and went to the bathroom.

Jayce took one look at himself in the mirror and immediately winced. The longer and closer he looked, the more imperfections he noticed: grey hairs at his temples and in his beard, deep shadows under his eyes, the way his features grew softer and his muscles less refined than they were a few years ago... True, he might be approaching forties, but spending so much time behind the desk clearly wasn't doing him any favours.

It's a good job, he told his reflection for what felt like a hundredth time. You're the head of the council, you change lives, and you do a lot of good things.

His reflection didn't seem convinced.

There was a time when Jayce actually enjoyed doing his duty as a councillor, but those days seemed to be long gone. He sometimes missed when there was no timetable to his work, when it was just him and Viktor in the lab, brainstorming until their minds were completely wrung out. He missed how they made tangible progress, when his work was more than just words on the paper and orders passed down to someone else who then passed them to someone someone else...

A loud metallic clang and a curse word snapped him out of his musings. Jayce tuned in to the sounds coming from the bedroom, heard Viktor's quiet angry mutters which meant that he must have been quite alright, and continued with his morning routine.

He went through the motions as he showered, rummaged through the closet and got dressed. All the clanking and shuffling of papers in the background became white noise to him and he almost forgot Viktor was there until he suddenly spoke up.

"What are you doing this evening?" Viktor asked while Jayce stood before the mirror, trying (and failing) to make his cravat look presentable.

"Well, as you know, tonight is the annual holiday ball and the entire council must be in attendance, so I'll probably stay late today to finish all the paperwork before the holidays and then I'll go straight to the event."

"Ah." Viktor's tone turned sour although Jayce didn't really register that. "But you will appear at the hexgates' anniversary celebration, yes? It is this evening as well."

"Of course I will." Jayce glanced at Viktor's form, still turned away from him, in the mirror. "I suppose there is no point in asking you to come to the ball...?"

"Never again, not even over my dead body."

"You could've just said 'no'," Jayce muttered and angrily threw the cravat on the dresser, finally giving up on the damn thing. He grabbed his keys and wallet, went out to the hall and began putting on his boots before Viktor's voice stopped him.

"Perhaps you could come back after you finish work...?"

Jayce rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, I told you I'll be at the celebration."

"Well yes but I hoped you could stop at home and then we would-"

"I'll see you there."

With that Jayce grabbed his winter coat and left. He didn't see the hurt nor the anger on Viktor's face, nor did he hear a snapped, "Will you though?"

*

Jayce was sitting at his desk in the council hall and going over next year's budget. Numbers were swimming before his tired eyes and the more he read, the less he understood, but he was determined to read it through at least once tonight.

"Uh, councillor Talis...?" A voice coming from the entrance startled Jayce and his head snapped up from where it was falling down on his chest. Irene, Jayce's assistant, a middle-aged woman that didn't reach his shoulders even in high heels, poked her head in.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to spend the entire holidays in your office?"

Jayce looked out the window – it was dark. He glanced at the clock... and realised that it was ten o'clock, much, much later than he ought to have stayed at work. Did he seriously spend the entire day hunched over paperwork...?

He straightened up in his chair with a wince and a crick in his neck ensured him that yes, yes he did.

Alright, he was ditching the council event then, and honestly he wasn't even sorry. The party that was thrown in celebration of ten years of hexgates being in use was probably coming to an end, and it was too late to come home like Viktor had asked, so... Jayce glanced at the papers in front of him. There were only a few (fine, maybe a dozen) pages left, and even though he was in no state to make any corrections he really wanted to at least finish reading...

Oh to hell with it. Jayce already said he would be working late, Viktor wouldn't wait for him anyway.

"I'll be out in five minutes." He thumbed through his remaining reading and amended, "Or ten, total."

"You won't attend the holiday ball then?"

"No," he sighed tiredly. The mere thought of mingling gave him a headache and Irene must have sensed that because she just shook her head with a smile.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then. Happy holidays, councillor."

"And much joy to you." Jayce smiled and waved Irene goodbye. "Send my best regards to your husband and son."

"I will, thank you. Have a good night."

Once Irene left Jayce let out another deep sigh and rubbed his face to try and wake himself up, leaning over the documents once more. His exhaustion wasn't just caused by the late hour; for a while now Jayce constantly felt exhausted and as if he was running on fumes, even outside of work. How come he used to stay up all night long with Viktor, reading theoretical musings more boring than even budget plans, and yet he never fell asleep?

"God this is too boring!" Jayce threw his hands in the air in frustration, straightening up from where he was hunched over a scroll in their lab. "How can anyone make magic boring?"

"The author is extremely talented in that regard I must admit," Viktor agreed and put a steaming cup before Jayce.

"Oh no thank you, I can't have any more coffee. I should get some sleep."

"Not just yet. And it's not coffee... Well, not just coffee."

"Viktor, I can barely see straight..."

"Ah, fantastic, that means you're almost there."

Jayce knew Viktor for just a few weeks and learned many strange things about him in that time, but this one would be the weirdest yet.

"I'm what?"

Viktor turned Jayce's chair to face him and leaned against the desk, trapping Jayce between his arms. His eyes shone with what Jayce thought was exhaustion, then madness, soon discovered was actually brilliance, and quickly grew to love.

"Almost at the point of bordering between dreams and reality, the crossroads between reason and insanity, when you forget what is possible and explore ideas far beyond a daytime-mind's reach."

For a long moment all Jayce could do was stare at him.

"When is the last time you slept...?"

"Stay awake Jayce. Just a little bit longer. I promise you it's worth it."

Just like that Jayce's head fell on his chest and he began dreaming the strangest dream he had ever dreamed, one that he would not remember but one that would stay with him forever.

*

At first there was only fog.

It was a grey, thick yet wispy thing, engulfing him all around. Before Jayce could blink the smoke started clearing out as if pushed away by a gust of wind, leaving mirages in its wake. Grey gave way to colours and shapelessness gave way to form as a scene began setting before Jayce's eyes: thin veil at his feet became hardwood floor, endless space got confined in four walls, and with more and more clarity Jayce recognised the living room of his childhood home. Three figures that were bathed in a warm light of the fireplace in front of which they kneeled completed the picture.

Jayce recognised the memory immediately and a wave of longing hit him, bringing tears to his eyes: it was Winter Holiday when he was eight, and it would have been special enough on its own since the past few years Jayce had to 'celebrate' with boring politicians and lobbyists... Yet this one was all the more important, for it was the last holiday the Talis family spent together, when Jayce's father was still alive.

They were all hunched before the fireplace with candles. An eight year old Jayce held his tightly and stared at the fire as if it was a sacred thing, while his parents huddled around him and made sure he didn't burn himself.

"Be careful my love," his mother warned in a calm voice. "Put just the tip in so that the wick catches fire. Try not to melt the candle."

Little Jayce began nervously chewing on his lip.

"What if I do though? What if melt it?"

"It will be melted," his father replied lightly and kissed his head. "The most important thing is that you don't hurt yourself."

"But if I mess up the candle then the good won't come and-"

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure it would find its way to us just fine," Jayce's mom reassured and guided his palm to carefully light up the wick. "See? All done."

Jayce watched as his parents lit up their own candles, although he realised that he couldn't exactly remember what the tradition was about. They did it every year in the Talis household, yet after all these years it was more of a habit than something meaningful...

"Now we carefully go put it on the windowsill," Jayce's dad instructed and the three made their way to the window where a few small plates laid. "Do you remember what it's for, Jayce?"

For a terrifying second Jayce thought that it was him his father was asking and he scrambled for an answer... but no, his dad was looking down at his small son expectantly with shining eyes and a soft smile.

"So that the good and luck and props verity will come!" child Jayce shot out.

"Prosperity dear."

"And they will see the light and know where to go and the next year will be awesome!"

Ah. Right. Lighting candles from a common flame, leaving a beckoning light in the window for all the good things to come to the household the next year...

I could really use a candle right now, Jayce thought with a mental sigh as he recalled all the problems that still awaited him in his office. He pushed those thoughts away, longing to experience the happy memory as best as he could.

Something squeezed Jayce's heart as he watched the Talis family gather around the fire again. His father began telling stories, ones that child-Jayce knew by heart by then but listened to with bated breath nonetheless. Eventually his mom announced that it was time for dinner, and even though it was only a dream Jayce could swear he could smell her traditional holiday pie. Everything was cosy and peaceful, and everyone was unaware of how different would the next Winter Holiday look like.

"I miss holidays like these," Jayce sighed with a pang of nostalgia.

"You can still have them."

Jayce jumped in surprise and pivoted around. That voice, that deep warm voice, surely it couldn't be...

Merely a few feet away stood Jayce's father, a carbon-copy of the one that laughed with his son in the background and stole a kiss from his wife every now and then. He looked just as Jayce remembered him, didn't age at all, and when he opened his arms it was the easiest thing in the world to fall right into his embrace. Jayce was a grown man now and as tall as his dad, but the moment his father's arms closed around him he felt like a kid again.

"Dad..." he sobbed.

"It’s alright son. I’m here."

Jayce felt a kiss at his temple and cried even harder, letting out years of sadness and longing spill out. Watching a memory was one thing, but seeing his dad alive... Except he wasn't, was he? He was just Jayce's imagination making a nostalgic stroll down the memory lane... And yet even this realisation didn't make the feelings of warmth and love that emanated from Jayce's dad feel any less real.

"I've missed you so much..."

"Unnecessarily." His father held him at an arm's length and gently wiped tears off of his cheeks. "I'm always with you."

Jayce hastily rubbed at his eyes. "This is the most realistic dream I’ve ever had-"

"You're not- Well, you're not just dreaming. Right now, you're remembering. Later you will see things not just from the past, but from the present and future as well."

"I... What? I don't understand."

His father sighed and searched Jayce's face with a sad expression. It felt surreal, to be able to look his father in the eye without looking way up, to view his face as if it was a reflection in a mirror and not a face of a giant that child-Jayce remembered his dad as.

"Let's go for a walk, what do you say?"

His dad turned around towards the entry door but Jayce hovered uncertainly in the middle of the living room. He gazed longingly at the family scene, where his parents were just covering a dozing child-Jayce with a blanket and quietly sang to him.

"This isn't going anywhere," the ghost of his dad reassured. "It's your memory. You can come back whenever you want."

Which made sense, Jayce supposed. It was still hard to come to terms with the fact that this was all happening in his head considering how real everything felt. It was even harder to pull away from the alluring glow of the fireplace and step into the darkness outside. Their bodies went straight through the door, and for a passing second Jayce wondered if everything around him was made of smoke or was it just him really.

Jayce tried to kick a lump of snow in his way but his foot went right through it. For a second his breath hitched when he realised that he didn't feel any cold even though everything around was frozen, and when he looked behind and saw no footprints left on the snow and a terrifying thought occurred to him: didn't dying people see their entire lives flash before their eyes...?

"Am I dead?" he asked in a burst of paranoid panic. His dad shook his head with a laugh.

"Of course not. You're way too young to die, you have your whole life ahead of you."

Neither voiced the fact that so did Jayce's dad himself; after all he was about the age Jayce was now when he died.

Jayce blinked in the dark for a while and took in the familiar view. His childhood home was outside of the small town just a mile away. The longer Jayce looked, the more lights he saw being left in windows of faraway houses, illuminating the village covered in snow and making it look almost magical. With a deep breath of frosty winter air that he didn't really feel in his lungs Jayce joined his father and they slowly made their way down a path leading to the town.

"Has your mom decorated the house yet?" his dad asked out of the blue.

"Uh... Probably. I don’t know."

His dad shook his head.

"She hasn't. She is getting too old for certain things, try as she might to stubbornly hide it even from herself. Thankfully Elena and Maria came today to help her out."

Shame crept up on Jayce and reddened his cheeks. Of course he thought of helping his mom with organising the holidays, since this year it was her turn to do so, but any plans he might have had were nipped in the bud about a week ago when Irene dropped a half-a-foot thick pile of papers on his desk. 'Holiday gift from yours truly', she joked dryly.

"Maybe you and Viktor could pay her a visit?" his dad suggested and Jayce's mood dropped even further.

"Viktor and I are... We've had some problems recently."

"How do you plan on getting out of the woods then?"

Jayce honestly had no idea. A fleeting thought crossed his mind whether or not there was even anything left to save at all...

Of course there is, he scolded himself. We've come too far to break up now.

The silence stretched uncomfortably between them like a rubber band and Jayce gave up trying to scramble for an answer.

"It will sort itself out," he muttered evasively, not really believing the words himself.

His father sighed and funny how just that one gesture was enough to make Jayce feel thoroughly scolded, just like when he was a kid.

"I thought I showed you every day that you and your mom are the most important people in my life. One of the lessons I hoped you would never forget is that family is always man’s priority."

"I know. You showed us every day. I know."

"And do you apply that knowledge in practice?"

"I..." Words died on Jayce’s tongue as he remembered how long had it been since he last spent the holidays with his mom... or even visited her. "Are you telling me that I'm a bad son? And partner?"

"No, no. You're a good person, I know you are. But have you noticed that you've been miserable recently?"

"How do you know what's going on in my life?" Jayce knew he sounded much like a petulant eight year old that they left behind but he couldn't help the hurt in his voice as he added, "You weren't there."

"And I mourn that fact every single day." Jayce's dad's eyes clouded with sadness as he whispered, "Not a day goes by that I don't pay you and your mom a visit, even if you don't realise it."

"Really...?" Jayce whispered and his dad squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

"Of course. Every day." His father grew serious as he stopped in the middle of the road and looked back at their home, now just a spot in the darkness with one window exuding warm light. "Which is why I am here. I want to help you get on the right track."

"You said that later I'll see things that will happen in the future... What did you mean by that?"

For a while his dad stayed quiet, walking slowly with his hands in his pockets and his gaze a million miles away.

"This isn't merely a dream, Jayce. Tonight you'll see one of the possibilities for your future, things most likely to happen if you stay on your current course. I am going to be honest. You have lost your way son, and the direction your life is headed now doesn't lead to good things."

Jayce was overjoyed to talk to his dad one more time, but he was becoming more and more confused with every word they exchanged. He didn't remember his dad being so... cryptic, and previously whenever he made his way into Jayce's dreams it was to give him a fleeting sense of closure, not to prophesize some ominous threats. And if (Jayce allowed an if but it was a massive if), if it wasn't just a dream...

How badly was Jayce doomed that his father returned from beyond the grave to intervene?

"What am I supposed to do then?" Jayce asked with no small amount of worry. His dad gripped him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye with a stone expression, like he always did when he wanted Jayce to listen carefully.

"Listen to what others say tonight. Look around you, look at the people around you. Most importantly, look at yourself, within yourself, and decide whether or not this is truly what you want to your life to be like."

Jayce opened his mouth, ready to pour out all the questions that rattled around his head, but before he could muster a word his dad brought him into a tight hug once more and that effectively choked him up. Jayce immediately reciprocated the embrace, closing his eyes, soaking the feeling of having his dad with him again even though he had lost him forever.

"I love you Jayce," his dad said quietly. "Please don't ever forget that."

"I won't. I promise."

A gust of wind later Jayce was embracing air, and when he opened his eyes he was alone in grey void again. 

Chapter Text

Grey smoke surrounded Jayce and he instinctively began coughing but after a moment he remembered that he didn't need to: there was no scratching in his throat, no burning in his lungs, the fog was simply... there.

"Alright, it's alright." He rubbed his face and took a deep breath that didn't feel like anything. "This is all just in my head."

"Well it certainly isn't in mine," a voice echoed from somewhere before Jayce. He took a few tentative steps forward and the fog cleared a bit to reveal a thin, pale girl that Jayce had never seen in his life but was pretty sure he would have remembered: she was about eighteen, wore tattered clothes, her long braids were a striking blue colour and Jayce did not like the way her eyes gleamed at him. Jayce wiped away last remnants of his tears and straightened to his full height with a frown.

"Who are you?"

"Your guide for the next hour," she said with a theatrical bow.

"My... guide," Jayce parroted skeptically. "Guide to what?"

"Uh, enlightenment, I guess? Finding your true self or something?" Girl shrugged and twirled one of her braids. "So the way this goes is, I'm going to show you what's currently going on with some people you know, see what they're doing, maybe take a peek of them in the shower-"

"Wait, you're going to show me what's happening exactly right now? As the time passes?"

"Yup. You've had a blast from the past, time for a punch from the present."

"How can I dream about present events that I’m not a part of?"

The girl shrugged.

"Beats me. I'm just walking you around the neighborhood."

Jayce blinked at her, his mind running a hundred miles an hour. His dad did mention not just the future, but the present as well... Something dropped in Jayce's stomach, an uncomfortable sense of certainty that this dream indeed might truly be more real than he thought.

"Just to be sure... I'm still asleep in my office, right?"

"Your ass is right where you left it," the girl confirmed.

"But how come-"

"Ugh! Blah, blah, blah. Maybe you're dreaming, maybe you're sleepwalking, maybe someone spiked your dinner and you're high out of your mind right now. Who cares!" The girl, whom Jayce decided to name Ghost, grabbed his shoulder roughly and then the world began to spin. "Let's go."

Travelling with that strange girl was nothing like travelling with his dad; previously the mist surrounded him like a warm hug, now it violently slammed at him like a small hurricane making his insides turn upside down. When finally his feet hit hard surface Jayce swayed while the world swirled around him. For a moment all he could do was kneel, half-bent, and try not to heave.

"You know you can't puke here, right?" Ghost's amused voice came from somewhere behind Jayce. "Or maybe if you did you'd puke in real life where you're sleeping and drown in your own vomit... I knew a guy who died like that. Nasty stuff."

Previously I saw dad, couldn't I have conjured an image of grandma Carelle now or something?, Jayce thought with a mental sigh. Although if this dream proved to be more than a dream then what would that make these guides, if not figments of his imagination...?

Jayce straightened and looked around. Once more recognising his surroundings was instant and instinctive: they were at his mom's house, in Jayce's old room. It was mostly bare, containing merely basic necessities like a bed, desk and wardrobe. As Jayce had long since moved out, now the room usually served as a guest room. Jayce glanced out of the window to see that it was dark outside, the snow was beginning to fall in thick clumps and the street was decorated a holiday manner, with colourful garlands and soft gleaming lights. It looked suspiciously... contemporary.

Jayce turned around to find Ghost sitting on the desk and he did a double take when he saw that; his body easily passed through furniture, walls, and even people as he discovered when child-Jayce ran straight through him in the vision of the past. Were they really here, then? Was he physically transported to-

"Alright we're on a schedule here, come on." Ghost hopped off the desk and ran straight through the door. Jayce huffed in disbelief. Apparently that girl simply lived by no rules, other than those that applied only to her.

Jayce noticed a sliver of light coming from under the door and could hear a low murmur of voices coming from outside. Just to be on the safe side he reached for the doorknob first... only for his hand to pass right through.

An arm suddenly sprung out of the wooden surface, making Jayce yelp in surprise, and grabbed his shirt to pull him through the door.

A dream or not, Ghost was strong.

Jayce blinked to get used to the light that engulfed him. He was pulled through a corridor wall and then straight into the living room where three people currently resided: his mom, who kneeled by the furnace, her sister Elena who was lounging on the couch with an ever-present glass of wine in her hand, and Elena's wife Maria with her back turned to the room as she stood hunched by the window.

"I'm just saying, he could have at least come by to say hello," Elena finished what seemed to be a long tirade judging by the pulsating vein in Jayce's mom's temple.

"Jayce is a busy man," she replied which made Jayce wince. "He might come tomorrow though."

"Might? Oh gods above, that would be like, what, fifth time he missed the holidays?"

"Third. Maybe he and his partner are celebrating in their own way, have you thought about that dear?" Maria's words were veiled in an overly sweet tone that carried a tangible warning underneath. Then she hurried to ask while two sisters glared at each other, "Will Viktor show up?"

Jayce saw how his mom's face positively lit up at the mention of his partner.

"Oh yes. He promised to come no matter what."

"Did they finally tie the knot?: Maria moved away from the windowsill and Jayce finally realised what she was doing: she was setting up the space for the candles.

"No. And there are no grandchildren in sight, either."

Jayce dropped his gaze with a scoff even though something painful stung his heart. Perhaps it was for the better that he and Viktor didn't have children; it would have been an awful situation to have to explain to them why dads aren't talking to each other.

"They'll adopt when the time is right," Maria reassured.

"Which might not be in a while still," Jayce's mom sighed and passed candles to other women. "They're working on expanding their business to the undercity. Viktor told me so when he came by the forge last week and helped me with some orders."

"Sounds like he's doing more for you than your own-" Elena muttered into her glass before Maria elbowed her in the ribs. "Never mind. At least he's a good batch."

Jayce watched in silence as women lit up the candles from the fire of a furnace and set them on the windowsill. (Curiously, Ghost seemed to be observing the ceremony with interest as well.) There were plenty of other plates by the windows prepared for the next day, when the rest of the Talis family was supposed to come. Jayce glanced shamefully at boxes of holiday decorations in the corner, waiting to be unpacked and set up.

"Had I known you didn't have anyone to help you we would have organised the holidays at our place," Elena sighed and rubbed her sister's arm.

"Don't be silly. Your turn was last year."

"Oh who cares, we wouldn't mind. And the next year we could've always just added someone to the rotation."

In a rare expression of affection Elena kissed her sister's temple while Maria embraced her from the other side. Jayce watched as the three women stood for a long moment just huddled around the lit candles, staring at them and basking in the warmth. His mother's eyes became glossy with tears and iron claws closed around Jayce's throat at the sight.

"Mom, please don't cry," Jayce pleaded quietly like a child he no longer was, hating to see his mom cry and knowing that he was the cause of it. He reached out his hand but quickly retracted it; if it had gone through his mom's form he would have broken down in tears himself.

"Jeez, you people have issues."

Jayce closed his fists in anger and turned around, but before he could tell Ghost off she touched his nose with a "boop" and the floor was thrown from under Jayce's feet once more as he spun in grey mist.

A cacophony of noises, music, chatter, cutlery clanking and champagne bottles popping assaulted his ears. This time around it was a bit easier for Jayce to gather his bearings, although he didn't like the scene he found himself in: it was some sort of a party, a very expensive and very prestigious party judging by the looks of it. Just when he thought he didn't escape the council ball after all he noticed little details about the place: high ceilings, glass doors, those peculiar pillars... It finally clicked for Jayce that he was in the Kiramman house, the one in the countryside, in the middle of the event held in celebration of hextech. The one that he promised Viktor he'd appear at...

Well, technically he did, didn't he?

Jayce looked around but to his both chagrin and relief Ghost was nowhere to be seen.

Wasn't she supposed to guide me?, he thought and rolled his eyes. With a sigh he began making his way through the crowd, trying to spot someone important to him, something that would have been significant for him to know... But he was just more and more lost with each passing second. He quickly decided to put his mysterious path to enlightenment aside and check on Viktor, but in this crowd it was simply impossible to find him.

Jayce spotted a few other familiar faces; Caitlyn in her ceremonial captain uniform, clearly serving as both an enforcer and a representative of House Kiramman (it was her home after all and they were Jayce and Viktor's main patrons) and of course Heimerdinger, who announced retirement just when Jayce was voted councillor and since then completely dedicated himself to science. Jayce got so caught up with making circles around the ballroom that when he eventually emerged out of a ghostly figure of some robust old lady he almost crashed into bathroom doors. Which, he realised, was a good place to wait for Viktor, since he would have to go there at some point, right?

Seeing as Ghost was still nowhere to be found and he didn't have any better ideas left Jayce decided to stay by the bathrooms. After waiting for what strangely felt like a second and an hour, Jayce finally spotted a familiar figure approaching in a hurry.

"Viktor," he sighed in relief. Jayce's breath was stolen at the sight of him. Viktor's dark green suit was spotless and it clung to his form in all the right places, he didn't have a hair out of place ans looked positively regal. He was simply stunning, seemingly within Jayce's reach and yet so far away, he was...

He was throwing the door to a stall open, bending in half and violently retching in the toilet.

Jayce hurried to his side and dropped next to him, instinctively trying to get Viktor's hair out of his face even though his hands passed right through.

"Vik? What's wrong?" He sensed presence behind him and turned towards Ghost, who was trying to write something on her face in the mirror with charcoal she got gods know where. "What happened? Is he ill?"

"Duh, he has been for the past two hours on and off. Sheesh, it's just a speech, and he's shitting his pants it as if he was about to dance naked in front of them all."

Oh. The speech. Of course.

There were quite a few hextech-related celebrations that both Viktor and Jayce were obligated to attend, and Jayce was always the one to prepare a speech since he knew that Viktor's social anxiety would've absolutely killed him if he had to do a even something like a simple toast... Which was exactly what he was about to do, since Jayce left him to his own devices.

"That... Is an ungodly amount of people," Viktor muttered as he scanned the crowd from an alcove. He was tapping his cane nervously so Jayce brushed his hand against his knuckles in a soothing manner.

"Don't worry, I'll ward off anyone who dares to approach you."

"Will you now?" Viktor's eyes shone and he sent Jayce a small smile. "Will you protect me from my 'public figure duties' such as addressing the crowd on the stage as well?"

Jayce brought Viktor's palm to his lips, looking him deep in the eye.

"I promise."

How many more promises to Viktor had Jayce broken...?

"I'm here," Jayce whispered even though he knew it didn't mean anything. "I'm here."

Viktor got up and flushed the toilet. His gait was heavy, he was trembling slightly, and his skin looked clammy and pale in the white lights as he approached a sink to rinse his mouth. Jayce hated seeing him like this. One of the traits that made him admire and then fall for Viktor was his unapologetic confidence sometimes bordering on mad arrogance, so to see him in such a pitiful state... it simply didn't feel right.

Viktor straightened up and took a long moment to compose himself and study his reflection. His tired expression quickly morphed into annoyance.

"'I'll see you there'," he muttered, unintentionally throwing Jayce's words right back at him. "What did you expect?"

With a shake of his head Viktor grabbed his cane and exited the bathroom, walking straight through Jayce's shellshocked figure.

"Talking to himself? Out of all the guys you had to pick a crazy one," Ghost commented but before Jayce could snap at her she tilted so far back she fell through the mirrors. With a heavy sigh Jayce decided to take the normal route and followed Viktor outside.

Time must have worked differently in the dream because he left a second after his partner, and yet now Viktor was already on the far stage, ready to make a speech. Jayce hurried through the crowd (literally) and was beside him in a blink of an eye, hoping that maybe Viktor would be able to sense his presence somehow, to know that he wasn't left all alone.

Viktor was paler than usual and his eyes were slightly red, but from far away, to people who didn't know him, he probably didn't resemble someone who spent half of the evening puking his guts out from stress. His hand that held a champagne glass was shaking, but Jayce was proud to see that Viktor didn't have an entire stack of papers with him; only a single piece of paper laid on the podium, filled with messy writing.

"Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who has joined me in this celebration tonight. Many of you have supported Jayce and I from the very beginning, and we would like to give special thanks for the Kiramman House. From both of us to all of you who made creating hexgates possible, thank you." After a round of polite applause Viktor continued, "It's hard to believe that the hexgates have been up and running for a decade already... Even more so considering how long it took to figure out how to translate Gothwick's theorem into the language of runes."

Nobody laughed except for Jayce. Viktor pursed his lips and looked at his notes and then, to Jayce's confusion, turned the paper with the speech blank slate up.

"Ahem, either way... Since today it is an anniversary of hextech's creation and tomorrow marks the beginning of Winter Holidays and end of the year, I wanted this evening to be both a celebration and an opportunity for contemplation. Let's celebrate what we have accomplished, but I highly encourage that we delve into the past not just for inspirations for our future, but for lessons to learn. Let's look at our mistakes, at the chances that we took... And those that passed us by."

Jayce watched and listened with bated breath like he always did when passion seemed to posses his partner. In the lab it usually resulted in some sort of grand breakthrough, but here on the stage Viktor's true confident self was shining through the anxiety, and Jayce's chest swelled with pride.

Viktor raised his glass and finished his speech with a definite, "To moving on- Forward! To moving forward."

He downed his champagne in one go and didn't even wait for the slow, slightly confused applause before exiting the stage.

"Good job my boy!" Heimerdinger praised the moment Viktor stepped off of the dais. "Although I was hoping, since it is a special anniversary, that Jayce would make an appearance as well-"

"Trust me, so did I," Viktor muttered darkly under his breath before excusing himself.

Jayce frowned. Something about Heimerdiger's words rang a bell in his head, something about a special anniversary, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Viktor made a beeline straight to the bathrooms and this time Jayce followed him only with his eyes because a strong grip on his arm stopped him mid-step.

"Nothing you ain't seen before, let's fast-forward a bit."

The moment Ghost spoke these words the crowd around them started moving at a double their normal pace, as if suddenly the world got shifted onto a second gear.

"The speech was shit by the way," she added and Jayce glared at her. "What? He had all the time in the world, it's not my fault he started writing it this morning."

"What do you mean this morning? He was busy with-"

Jayce paused and thought back to the morning. When he woke up Viktor was already working, but he didn't recall him writing anything...

And how closely exactly did you watch him?, his conscience nagged him. Do you even remember what he was wearing? What was he working on? Did you ask why he couldn't sleep...?

"Yeah. If I remember correctly you said you'll come to this lame party, but he called bullshit and wrote that joke of a speech."

Something stung Jayce's heart at her words. So Viktor truly didn't think he'd come? He didn't trust Jayce's word anymore, so much so that he resigned himself to going alone in a matter of a minute, preparing a speech the moment Jayce stepped out?

The world around them slowed down, crowd got a bit less crowdy, and Jayce immediately spotted Viktor across the room. He was leaning against a pillar, tucking himself into the shadows as much as he could, with an expression that screamed "do not approach".

But Jayce did, because he knew that behind that scowl there was no hostility, just awkwardness and extreme dislike for small talk.

"Well you look like you have about as much fun as if you were at a funeral," an amused voice startled Viktor. Owner of said voice came closer and Jayce was relieved to see that it was Caitlyn.

"Hm, it just might become one. Give sir Rythel about two more drinks and I'm certain you'll need to step in and perform your enforcer duties."

Jayce chuckled and so did Caitlyn. Ghost crouched on a nearby table and made it her sniper point as she began shooting from finger guns at all passerbys.

"Someone should probably stop him," Caitlyn commented as they watched sir Rythel throw a goblet of wine at his interlocutor.

"Probably."

Neither of them moved.

"Thank you for hosting this event," Viktor said quietly.

"Of course. It's the least I could do."

"I thought you would be more interested in attending the annual ball held by the council."

"Oh no, I don't go to these things since I became of age and could officially not listen to my mom." She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. "These things are incredibly boring. Jayce will probably ditch them soon too. Do you know when will he arrive?"

Jayce saw how tightly Viktor's jaw clenched as he spat out, "I do not know."

Caitlyn must have read between the lines and her brow scrunched in concern.

"Is... everything alright between you two?"

"Of course."

"Are you fighting?"

Viktor snorted into his champagne glass.

"No, fighting would require actually seeing and talking to each other." He shook his head in resignation. "Never mind me. It's none of your concern."

"Of course it is!" Caitlyn scoffed. "If Jayce is acting like an idiot and needs telling off then I volunteer."

"Ah, no thank you. I... will deal with him myself." Viktor sent her a smile that was really just a sad quirk of his lips. "How come you immediately assume that he's the problem and not me?"

"Call it a detective's hunch. Or, well... Maybe it's just my experience-based prejudice."

"What do you mean?"

Caitlyn crossed her arms on her chest and leaned against the pillar with a heavy sigh.

"I haven't seen Jayce in a while, but I noticed how active he is on the political stage lately. Don't get me wrong, he's doing a lot of good things, changing lives of citizens of Piltover and the undercity alike. My mom won't stop singing praises about him, but... I know from experience that the better that career goes the worse everything else gets."

Caitlyn's tone was sad and Jayce immediately wanted to hug her. He remembered what it was like for Caitlyn when Cassandra was campaigning to become a councillor, not too long after the Kirammans became his sponsors; how oftentimes when they were still kids she begged him to stay the night so that she wasn't alone in a mansion with only a stiff babysitter as sole company when her parents were off on a diplomatic travel; how brave she was in pretending that everything was alright, hiding her pain behind a smile, even though her parents fought over politics not even five minutes prior.

Jayce knew how hard it was for her when her parents prioritised politics over family in that time, since more often than not he was the one to console her, so now he couldn't believe that she compared those moments to what he and Viktor had. It was completely different...

And yet try as Jayce might have to disprove Caitlyn's claim, he couldn't.

Caitlyn shook her head as if to shake the memories out of her head as she said, "I won't try to make excuses for him but Jayce is a people pleaser-"

"Ha!" Ghost exclaimed from somewhere behind. "And yet he can't even please his wifey!"

"-and when he prioritises work over everything else he probably thinks he's not only helping people, but doing right by you as your partner as well."

"How is ignoring me or even actively brushing me off 'doing right by me'?"

"Providing for the family. Changing the laws. Helping people of Zaun." She glanced pointedly at Viktor but he stubbornly stared straight ahead. "Look all I'm saying is, I understand how you feel. I know for a fact that having a councillor in the family is both a curse and a blessing."

"I never asked him to become a councillor," Viktor spat out.

"But did you discourage him?"

"I..." Viktor deflated and his anger gave way to sadness. "I did not. Had I known what I know now..."

"That's the problem, isn't it?" Caitlyn sighed softly. "You think you know what you're getting thrown into in theory but you're never prepared for it in real life, are you?"

"No. Not in the slightest."

Jayce frowned. He was quite shocked himself when he was voted a councillor, and then the head, but he realised what honour and responsibility it was, what possibilites it brought for very much needed changes in the city, and how much he and his partner could accomplish with power like that. He wouldn't have accepted the position if Viktor didn't want him to but when they weighed pros and cons Viktor was nothing but supportive....

But that was before you took the job. Things have changed since then, his conscience remarked snidely yet again. When is the last time you've spoken about it?

With no small amount of shame Jayce realised that he couldn't recall for sure. Same as he couldn't recall when was the last time he and Viktor talked about anything other than household duties or weather, when was the last time they went on a date, much less when they were intimate...

It was a lazy Sunday morning, neither of them had to work that day, and they unanimously decided to not move an inch away from the bed. Jayce laid kisses down Viktor's throat as his hands made their way under the duvet and the delicious sounds Viktor was making only spurred him on. Considering how long it had been since their last time Jayce was more than ready after merely a few minutes of making out and just when he reached Viktor's pants-

Someone banged on the front door and they both froze. It wasn't a knock; it was honest to god pounding.

"Councillor Talis?" A high-pitched female voice called from the outside. "The council has an urgent meeting, your presence has been requested immediately."

Jayce let out a frustrated growl and Viktor hissed, "Are you serious right now?"

"Yes, I will be right there!"

"I am to deliver you personally sir."

She must have been an enforcer then; it wouldn't have been the first time Jayce had been escorted by them.

"Give me five minutes!" Jayce yelled. Woman outside acquiesced and Viktor pushed Jayce off of himself none too gently.

"Unbelievable. Now they are invading us in our own home? What's next, are they going to collar you to always keep track of your whereabouts?"

"Well she said that it's an emergency so it's not exactly my fault," Jayce snapped as he got up and began dressing with his mood gone in a flash. Viktor sat up with a huff and crossed his arms on his chest.

"Perhaps if you learned to be more assertive..."

"Oh not this again-"

"We used to come late to meetings for reasons more menial than this and it never bothered you, and now you're running to them at their every beck and call-"

"That was years ago! I can't exactly be late as the head of the council, I'm a part of it now!"

"And yet you behave as if they owed you!"

"In case you forgot it's us who owe them, and we owe them quite a lot," Jayce growled, threw on his coat and pointed a finger at Viktor. "They voted me to become the head and we both agreed I should accept. We knew that we would have to make sacrifices so don't act like you didn't know what you were getting into!"

With that Jayce grabbed his keys and stormed out. The moment he slammed the door something hard hit them and in lieu of goodbye Jayce heard a yelled, "I never asked for this!"

Jayce ground his teeth in frustration. Now it was truly dawning on him how badly he needed to have a serious talk with Viktor... and the sooner, the better.

With a spark of determination ignited in him for the first time in gods-know-how-long Jayce turned around and hurried towards the exit, swiftly passing through every smoke-figure that happened to be in his way. He heard Ghost calling him but he was more than done with her and just sped up. Finding his way out of the mansion was automatic and only after Jayce finally escaped the walls that felt as if they were closing in on him did he realise that he could've gone through walls themselves instead of roaming the halls.

Emerging on the stone staircase and breathing-but-not-really-breathing the cold winter air did nothing to calm Jayce's racing heart, but what stopped him dead in his tracks was the sight that stretched beyond mansion's gates... or rather lack thereof: the gardens were intact, the gates a bit blurry but still present, but beyond that there was nothing but grey fog. Jayce could instinctively tell that it wasn't a normal mist but the dream one, and that had he stepped outside the gates there would be no path, no forest, no ground nor sky, nothing.

"And where do you think you're going buttercup?" Ghost's annoying voice sounded from right behind him and Jayce turned around with an exasperated huff. There she was, leaning against a stone railing with her ever-present snarky face and arms crossed on her chest.

"I'm going home, back to the real world. You have to send me back."

"No can do."

"If you won't guide me then at least stop following me!"

"It doesn't work like that. I don't follow you. You follow me... and a schedule."

"What schedule?"

"Of things you need to see."

"I saw enough. I need to go home."

Ghost tsked.

"Not just yet."

Jayce didn’t feel that strong of a need to strangle someone in a long, long time.

"I get it alright?! I understand what all this is about! I messed up, I've made bad decisions, and now people I love hurt because of me!" He shouted but his voice cracked as he added, "I've hurt them. All of them. And disappointed my- I have to make it right... even if I don't know how."

All fight left Jayce and he dropped on the entrance stairs, massaging his brow. For a moment he was truly convinced that he could wake up from this weird dream out of sheer willpower, run to his mom's house and shut his aunt's mouth about being an ungrateful child, then go to the hexgates party and find Viktor, apologise for being late and for so much more, kiss him, beg for forgiveness if he had to...

Another sense of certainty overcame Jayce and it dawned on him that he couldn’t do any of that, not anymore; what he had seen had already happened and what had happened, he couldn't fix. This present was already in the past.

Ghost sat down next to Jayce and he glanced at her in surprise. Her face was uncharacteristically serious.

"Maybe I'm the wrong person to be guiding you through this, then. I don't know shit about not hurting the people I love. Or making things right. Hell, now I don't even have anyone to make amends with anyway."

The chuckle that left her lips was a dry, humorless thing, and Jayce's annoyance at her antics dulled.

"There must be someone that you love," he argued quietly. "Someone who loves you back."

"Yeah, maybe, but I think it's kind of the same as with you. What does it matter that they're somewhere out there, or maybe even within reach, if you don't really talk to them you know?"

She said it in a casual tone, but for Jayce it felt like a slap to the face.

"Hey what was that candle thing?" Ghost asked out of the blue.

"What candle thing? At my mom's house?" When she nodded Jayce explained, "It's a regional tradition from where I come from. Each member of the family lights up a candle from a shared flame and puts it on the windowsill. The light is supposed to guide all the good things to the household, ensuring prosperity and luck for the next year."

"Well... Sound like a load of crap," Ghost summarised and Jayce scoffed.

"You have better family holiday traditions then?"

"I don't know. I don't remember my folks much."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Jayce replied softly.

"Well it's not like you're the enforcer who killed them or anything. But..." She let out a deep sigh. "I really don't get your Piltie ceremonies and shit, but let me tell you that I'd kill to have my family back for just one day, even if all we did was light up some candles."

Ghost stayed quiet for a long moment and her eyes seemed to be a hundred miles away, as if she was seeing things unseen to Jayce. Just when he opened his mouth to console her she sprung up and waved at him.

"Breaktime's over, get your ass up."

"Can we just go where we need to? I mean, can you just show me what you need to without me having to wander around like a dog?" Jayce asked as he got up. If he was supposed to be on the lookout for signs on where did he go wrong he needed to have a guide who would, well, guide him. "And could you please stop the unnecessary comments?"

"I promise nothing." Ghost slapped his shoulder and the world began to spin. "Show me your crib."

The scenery changed again and the first thing that Jayce saw was Viktor, closing the door to their flat behind him with a tired sigh. He was still wearing the outfit from the party so it must have been later that same night. As the fog cleared and the reality settled down Jayce began noticing the little details about the place: how clean the room was, pristine even, a bottle of champagne that stood on a small table by the entrance... and that their dining table looked as if it was taken straight out of a five star restaurant. On a meticulously ironed white tablecloth there were neatly arranged plates and cutlery, candles ready to be lit, and a rose was laid on one of the plates. Jayce's stomach dropped to the floor upon the realisation. 

Viktor had prepared a date. An anniversary, their anniversary, dinner date.

How could I have forgotten about our anniversary?, Jayce repeated in his head over and over again, asking himself and frustratingly getting no answer. We began dating right before the holidays, five years after the hexgates were built, to the day... How could I have ever forgotten about this...?

Jayce looked at Viktor who had his eyes on the floor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. Jayce took a step to take a closer look; it was a tiny velvet black thing, big enough to house a hexstone... But as Viktor's fingers clenched around it so tight his knuckles went white the hinges creaked and the box opened, and the contents were definitely not a hexstone. Even if Jayce couldn't throw up in a dream, he certainly felt like it.

Inside the box was a ring. A plain silver band, with intricate runes etched elegantly all over the inside like a circle that spoke of love and protection. It was a simple but unmistakable design: it was a proposal ring.

Tears welled in Jayce's eyes and his chest became a hollow void.

"Viktor, I'm-"

Before Jayce could finish his partner threw the box across the room with an angry cry, then threw everything off the table. He stormed off towards the pots on the stove that Jayce noticed only now and poured the contents down the drain. Viktor slammed the pots down in the sink and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Jayce approached him tentatively and just when he raised his hand to touch his shoulder Viktor turned away towards the exit of the kitchen, leaning against the entryway with a whimper and hugging himself. When he got down on his knees to start cleaning up the mess he made Jayce sat right next to him. 

"Ugh. This is boring," Ghost announced and simply vanished into thin air.

Jayce paid her no mind. He was too busy looking at Viktor, watching him, truly seeing him for the first time in what felt like eternity. Were the lines on Viktor's face always that deep? Was he always so pale? When did his hair grow to his neck...? More importantly, how did Jayce not notice these details despite seeing Viktor every day?

The explanation was simple. Because Jayce was a terrible, terrible partner.

So far Jayce regretted every single second of this night that wasn't spent by Viktor's side (really spent by his side), but perhaps it was for the better; in that moment Jayce felt undeserving of his partner, of his love, and he definitely felt undeserving of that ring.

He kneeled right next to Viktor, who at some point stopped muttering angrily to himself and began sobbing instead, and his heart tore to shreds with every tear that fell down Viktor's face. Jayce longed for nothing more than to reach out and wipe those tears away, to gather Viktor in his arms and apologise over and over again, to assure him that it would all be alright and that he would try to do better...

But Jayce's arms still just passed right through Viktor like smoke. With a grunt Viktor got up with the help of his cane, put the ring on the dining table and threw everything else, including the broken box, in the trash. Jayce didn't even realise that his partner was done cleaning until he made his way to the bedroom. Jayce followed him like a shadow, hoping that if Viktor went to sleep soon then maybe then he would be able to meet him in his dreams, talk to him somehow...

Except Viktor stopped in the middle of the bedroom and for a long second he just stood there, looking around, as if he saw the room for the very first time... or, Jayce realised with growing terror, as if he wanted to memorise it. Viktor walked along the shelves, touching the books tenderly. He looked over to the corkboard above their shared desk, at the various work-related notes and post-its amongst which there were a few cherished memories they wanted to preserve: a picture from the Distinguished Innovators Competition that they had won years ago, drawings of Viktor Jayce had made, notes with snarky comments that they sneaked to each other during boring meetings and much, much more.

Then Viktor moved to a small adjoining corridor and stopped between two doors, one on each side. He chose the left one and turned the knob, letting the door fall open. The room was dark and dusty, not even painted, full of boxes that they never bothered to unpack or junk that they couldn't bear to part with. But when Viktor's eyes, filled with pain, flickered around it, Jayce knew that they saw what could have been.

"This place is perfect!" Jayce exclaimed and his voice echoed against empty walls as he roamed around the flat that would later become their home. He found Viktor perched on a windowsill, looking out the window wistfully.

"What do you make of this one?" Viktor asked.

"Hmm..." Jayce looked around the room, a twin of the one right across, both slightly smaller than the main bedroom but making up for it with their views of the city. "There's two of them so... A study for each of us? Or a study and a work room?"

"Ah but we have the lab already, I think it's best we don't spread out our work in three different places."

"Fair point. We can barely find anything as it is." A peculiar smile on Viktor's lips prompted Jayce to ask, "Another bedroom then? For guests...?"

"Perhaps for the guests." Viktor got up from the windowsill and approached Jayce, who took note of the fact that the floors weren't too slippery for his cane. "Perhaps for children. Whichever we will have first I suppose."

Jayce's heart did a somersault in his chest. He couldn't contain a happy laughter and grabbed Viktor by the hips to kiss him senseless.

"Really? Do you think that it's a good time to adopt...?"

"Well not straight away of course. We need to move in and get settled, and I suppose that the first few weeks as a councillor will be hectic and busy for you. You will be important now after all."

Jayce shook his head solemnly.

"The work may be important but it will still be just work." Viktor raised his hand to caress his cheek and Jayce kissed his palm. "Family will always come first."

"Mm, while I appreciate the sentiment do keep in mind that said family will need money for food and basic necessities."

"Since when am I the sole breadwinner? Are you retiring?"

"Oh yes, the moment you get sworn in. Who needs work when you have a partner in the highest tax bracket?"

"Mhm. You would have gone crazy if you had nothing to do."

"I'm certain that with children I would be kept more than busy here."

Jayce chuckled and nuzzled Viktor's hand, wishing for this moment to last forever; for them to always be this happy and this certain of each other, for the feeling of peace and belonging to never leave their home.

"Alright then, my first order of business as a councillor will be to buy this flat. And then," He paused to lean in and whisper into Viktor's lips, "We're adopting as many kids as we can."

"Eh, we physically only have room for two."

"It's a start."

"Viktor what are you doing?" Jayce's voice sounded panicked to his own ears but he couldn't help it; he didn't like the determined look on Viktor's face as he stormed into their bedroom, nor how he dug out his travel bag from under their bed, nor how he started throwing his clothes out of the closet-

Ghost's grip on Jayce's shoulder felt like a death sentence.

"No no no, not yet, I have to-"

"Time to go man."

"Viktor! Viktor please, talk to me! Please don't leave me, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll make this right..."

Jayce didn't get to see the rest of the scene but in his imagination it was clear as a day and damning as a plague: Viktor walking out of their apartment with all his belongings packed, leaving a note or maybe just an unmade bed and remnants of a ruined anniversary dinner, having been fed up with Jayce putting everything else before their relationship for years...

Toil of a bell was as deafening as Jayce's cries. Tears or fog blinded his vision even though he clawed through the thick air to reach Viktor. Ghost's hold on him was stronger though and after a second or an eternity Jayce found himself in a grey void, kneeling and sobbing on the ground, still gasping out pleas and apologies even though there was no one to listen to them anymore.