Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Favorite character awards ceremony was over and everyone was teleported back to the circus, Gangle and Zooble went to the hall so Gangle could show the other her new drawings, Kinger went to get pillows for a fort, Ragatha walked to a random direction understanding that the others probably wanted space and thanks to Kinger, felt a bit better about things. And then there was just the two left, Jax and Pomni. Seeing no other choice, Pomni was the first to start the conversation.

"Why did you snap earlier?" She said, not fully looking at Jax and by only getting an annoyed grunt in response she kept going.

"What did I do that made you mad? what could have posab-" "Just stop" Jax interrupted, "I'm not going to explain what was already obvious.' he said grinding his already combined teeth together.

"Why cant you talk about him withou-" "I said shut the f*boing* up! i don't want to talk about it-i never wanted to i-...never should have brought it up" his tone getting softer as he went on. he turned to get a glance at Pomni before turning back and walking away.

Pitiful

"Jax wait." Pomni said in a small but urgent voice. To her surprise, he stopped, And she took that as the lead to go on.

"I know you don't like talking about...him, but just because one person left doesn't mean that you can't get close to anyone else. People still want to be friends with you i-...still want to be friends with you. is that too much to ask?"

Jax paused, physically tensing up. questioning the sincerity of her voice. "Yes, it is. its way too much to ask of someone like me, you know who I am and i-" "I know who you are god d*bang*it. I know that you think you're this villain, this horrible person that doesn't deserve what's being given to them. Yes I do know that but you don't have to shield everyone away because of Ribbit!"

Ribbit

Ribbit

That name haunted him day and night. Even after everyone had moved on he was still sitting up at night crying in his abstracted friends room. not attending anyone's funeral because he would hallucinate Ribbits photo in the frame, it would crush him inside, even if it was just his mind playing tricks on him, even for a split second. He wouldn't be able to walk any further than his room without seeing the happiness in the photo displayed with a big X over the frogs face. its been years after his death, but he still finds tears in his eyes when looking at the door too long.

Pitiful.

"Keep" he started off slowly "His name...out of your F*crash*ING MOUTH" He said while turning around quickly to swiftly grab Pomni by her neck and lifting her up to swing her towards the ground, letting her go in time for the throw to be as strong as 100 bears, causing the ceramic floors to crack under her landing spot. 

"Ja-" Pomni started to say until the bunny's foot uppercuted her, sending her at least 30 feet away from her prior spot on the floor. Jax was quick to catch up though. Grabbing her by the shoulders and holding her up to meet his eyes, his pupils squiggly and changing every half second. "What makes you think that you have any right to talk about him. Because you don't! Nobody here is that nosy and i-i-i ugh why do you have to be like this I hate everything about you, I hate how you talk I hate how you act, I hate that your just..." he lets her down slowly and turns away from either not wanting to face her or the tears welding up in his eyes as he goes on " I hate that you just like him" he sits on the floor to prevent his legs from going out and breaks into a silent and small cry. 

Pitiful 

Pomni rests a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Jax I-" he flinches at the sudden contact, not knowing what to do he hisses though his teeth. "Don't touch me!' She pulls back quickly and decides that sitting next to him would be a better option. so she does so.

"do you really get joy from seeing other people suffer? or can you just not cease the fact that the one that you gave joy to is making you suffer in return?"

"I-Im sorry what?!" he stutters from the shock of the question being asked.

Pitiful

"I mean, you said it yourself during your manic episode before the award show. but I don't believe someone is just made like that, you know? You don't have any friends here and he was your...only one...so that means you had to be a bit nicer to keep him around. or is there something your not telling me?" Pomni stated, not expecting much of an answer if any. but it came as a shock when Jax got up and left, walked away like nothing happened.

But deep down he just wasn't ready to face his emotions, he left to prevent himself from crying. Nothing more. he would talk about it to her in the morning, until then he would sit in his room, alone, desperately wanting someone to be there with him.

Pitiful

Chapter Text

Sitting in his room with so much and so little on his mind, everything that happened yesterday was replaying in his head. the hug, the argument, the award show, the talk after, and how she reminded him so much of Ribbit.

Ribbit.

Jax always loved Ribbit, not romantically though still very present platonicly. Jax wanted something like that. No, he needed something like that. And the only one giving him what he craves he pushes away once things get too far.

Once he can start seeing her as a friend.

Pitiful

His head is rushing thinking about the uncanny similarities between Pomni and Ribbit when he hears a careful knock at his door. Too quiet to be from Caine, too slow to be in an emergency, almost too soft to hear. But still there.

He hears the sound but chooses to ignore it, not having the strength to get up and not wanting to show himself in this state. Another few knocks came, albeit a bit louder this time. He can't just shut everyone out because of someone he wants to care about, right? 

'you're the funny one, you need to grow up and be the funny one!'. He slowly gets himself off the bed, wipes a couple weak tears he doesn't wanna admit he grew. and opens the door with a smile-(although it's fake but I digress.)- that fades the moment his eyes spot the jester as he closes the door.

"Wait before you close the door let me-" "What do you want!" The door snaps back open to see the desperate girl through the eyes of a pissed off man. Why is pissed? Because of the girl.

Obviously.

"I just want to say sorry, for what I said yesterday. I know it wasn't right of me to say that but I-"

"forget it, I'm done. I don't care to argue with you or anyone else right now, you can ramble on and on but in the end your wasting your breath. I'm not something worth fighting for. So please, just stop trying."

"Jax...you're not a lost cause I know I can't magically fix you but I still wanna at least try, and trying takes time. Change takes time. If you could one day see yourself as a better person and feel that validation will you at least try, try and let me help you? Try and take you away from this pain, because I know it's there. and trust me, I feel it too sometimes."

"O-oh trust me you dont wanna save me, god that would take years-I mean, Kinger would abstract before I show an ounce of kindness." He said trying to laugh off the underlying truths behind both of their statements.

Pitiful

"oh so kinger abstracted awhile ago huh? because I recall you saying genuine apologies to me several times after spudsys."

"Pftt-whattttt, no I didn't c'mon you know I'm not one to say sorrys."

"oh you wanna test that?"

"give it your best pompom"

"ok so first theres at the ba-wait did you just call me pompom again?"

"F*bash*" he yelled, obviously upset with himself then quickly slammed the door. forgetting to lock it.

Pitiful

"Oh d*crash*t Jax your cant just do that" she exclaims and knocks on the door, not hearing a click she knows it unlocked so goes in. and there's a sight to see for sure. theres Jax in his pastel room with a fake grass carpet baby blue walls with clouds and little hills on the bottom with flowers. big soft plushies and pillows scattered everywhere, then the star of the show is a big ovular bed with pink and yellow curtains surrounding it and a very happy and peachy vibe with a bunny digitally cutting himself with a kitchen knife he stole from spudsys.

"Jax..."

he looked up in a panic to see a little jester with an expression with a mix of fear and sorrow for the bunny Infront of her. 

"P-Pomni I'm-F*CLUNK* I-I" tears were welding up in his eyes, his hands not working the way his brain wants, scrambling to hide the knife and cutting his fingers up in the process. "I-I-ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I SWEAR!"

But she had already seen all of it, the way he carefully glided the blade across his skin not sure if the pain was pleasant and exerting enough to be a coping mechanism or just the early steps insanity. She had already seen how his face twisted uncomfortably at the first touch of it to his body and how he followed through like it was an order. She saw the deep gashes still indented into his thighs, the edges disturbingly dry with the lack of blood that they are able to produce.

Standing there blank eyed processing what just happened. Pomni quickly runs over, kneels over Jaxes lap and hugs him. A tight, desperate hug.

"Get off me!" Jax snarls and shoves the girl off her, knocking her to the floor. conveniently padded by the rug! "I don't need you y-you shouldn't be here!"

"Jax I don't care what it is you're going through I care that you're going through it alone, and I want to be there for you!"

Through sniffles the only thing Jax can mutter is "why."

"Because I care about you why cant you understand that"

"I don't deserve your kindness, I've been nothing but mean to you, you shouldn't be this forgiving if I wanted constant apologies and unconditional love I would go to ragatha"

"Well at least my love is real! Okay?"