Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The room was dimly lit, the soft yellow glow coming from the several lamps provided just enough light to see the surrounding details. A dark brownish wood made up the walls and floors of the room, with several tables, stools, easels and drawers filling the space. Splatters of paint stained the floors, with scraps of papers and canvas also littering the ground.

It was both familiar yet new, to Shinonome Ena, the space she found herself in. For one it was reminiscent of her room in the Sekai, appearing as a painting studio. Though the space was much larger than the one she was used to, and as she explored the place she found paintings that she did not create mixed in with ones she did. Many of which seemed more akin to memories than painting pieces, ranging from happy and cheerful memories to ones that held a bit of sorrow and negativity. But all of them were of pivotal and important moments in her life. 

She continued to move along, deeper into what seemed to be the never ending studio space. Each step she took sent a slight echo throughout the space. If it wasn’t for the fact that she wasn’t chilly or cold, she would’ve been more afraid of delving deeper into the space. If anything, it was a bit warm, inviting even. Like a kotatsu in the middle of a freezing winter night.

Eventually the never ending hall finally seemed to come to an end, reaching a wall with an easel positioned right in front of it. A plain, white, empty canvas sat on the easel. And with that, the urge to paint ran through Ena, if only she had the brushes and paint to do so… Still she reached her hand out to the canvas.

“You’ve made your choice right?” A voice, so clearly familiar to her, came from behind Ena, stopping her hand in its tracks. Instead she turned to see who or where the voice was coming.

A young woman, well at least younger than Ena herself, was sat in a chair, one leg over the other, her arms crossed. Her brunette bangs covered her eyes, not letting Ena see the exact expression on the woman’s face, but judging from the way her lips pursed, the girl seemed almost judgemental of her. 

“I have…” Ena nodded, now facing the girl, who seemed to be the spitting image of a younger version of herself. 

“I’m surprised. You seem much calmer than I would’ve expected considering the major decision you’re about to make.”

“I’ve matured. Isn’t that what you wanted as the more ‘perfect’ version of myself? Be less rash, less abrasive, less immature.”

“Mm… sure. But I think you’re just lying to yourself,” The girl’s lips broke into a smirk, “Afterall, that canvas is still blank. Meaning that whatever decision you think you’re going to make, you haven’t committed to it yet.”

“It’ll be painted soon. I just haven’t gotten to it yet.”

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” The girl got up from her chair, and turned the other direction, her back now facing Ena. With a step forward, she turned back for a moment, giving her an almost devilish grin. “Whatever your final decision you make, I sure hope you can live with it.”

And with that, the girl kept walking down the hall, further and further until she seemed to disappear all together. Ena turned back to face the empty, blank canvas. The pure solid white of it almost felt like a mirror, capable of reflecting her own appearance on it. She almost didn’t want to ruin it, but she had to. 

Her hands were a bit shaky, uncertain of what to do next. What to paint next of that pristine blank canvas. It wasn’t the first time she had felt this hesitance, this uncertainty before. It was familiar, as much as she hated to admit that fact. But even with this familiarity, Ena felt that this time the feeling was much stronger, more overwhelming than any other time she had felt it.

Though, despite this almost crippling, overwhelming hesitance that threatened to drown her psyche she knew she had to move forward. To put paint on canvas even if she wasn’t sure that she had chosen the right colors or brushes for the job. Even if she wasn’t sure that she had picked the right image or scene to paint. She had to paint what she picked. 

But still there was that thought echoing in the back of her mind. The voice of doubt asking just one thing; This… this is the best choice right? 

No… it didn’t matter if this was the best choice or not. It was the only choice if she wanted to move forward.

—

Ena’s eyes fluttered open, still adjusting to the gentle light that leaked past the curtains. Rubbing her eyes with one arm to wipe the grogginess away, she sat up in her bed reaching for her phone that sat on a nightstand. 

The time read eleven in the morning, which was actually a bit earlier than Ena was used to. But she’d been making the effort to wake up at a more socially acceptable time, and she was making progress even if the process was miserable. And below the time, was a message that caused her to roll her eyes a bit.

Idiot (Amia) <3: Good morning (well noon ig when ur reading this) Enanan~ Ur coming over later tonight right??? 

Even now, somehow Mizuki never ceased to find a way to annoy or tease Ena. Though, it’s not that she hated it. The last couple months since they had started dating were at the very least, not boring in the slightest. Mizuki would always pester her about going places, like to shopping malls or cafes around Tokyo. And recently, Mizuki had saved up enough for a car, even outside of the city. 

Every weekend it was as if Ena found themselves in a new store or cafe, which was a pretty stark difference to how she was living beforehand, spending most of her freetime in the studio or at home. Despite being dragged around from place to place, by that idiot, she enjoyed it. 

Mizuki made every moment with her not boring. That’s just how she was, energetic, fun, and cute of course. Infuriatingly cute really. And she was also surprisingly thoughtful, well when she wasn’t constantly teasing and annoying her. But hey, that was a part of the Akiyama Mizuki package.

Anyways, it looks like the message was sent a couple of hours ago while she was still asleep. Well jokes on her, she managed to wake up before noon today!

Ena: HAH I woke up before noon, so eat your words! And yeah, I’ll see you later.

Ok with that out of the way, Ena slipped the phone into the pocket of her shorts and pulled herself out of bed. Sure she would’ve loved to stay in bed for another ten-twenty-forty minutes but it was probably a good idea to do something productive before work. Like tidying up the place.

Looking around, her room was a bit of a mess, with partially packed moving boxes and personal belongings sort of left everywhere. Sure Ena wasn’t the most organized person, at least compared to some of the people she knew, but even this was pretty bad for her standards. But considering how she’s been splitting her time here at Akito’s apartment and Mizuki’s apartment, it was a bit more reasonable as to how unorganized everything was.

She had been set to move in with Mizuki a couple of weeks ago, but Akito and his music group, Vivid Bad Squad, had a tour overseas. And so, she had to pivot her plans to effectively housesit and maintain her little brother’s apartment. She also decided to take some shifts at Weekend Garage to help since Akito and An were going to be gone for a while. That was the primary reason for her making the effort to wake up earlier.

At this point she had a bit of a morning routine when she was over at Akito’s. Wake up, make some breakfast, usually pancakes, make sure the living room, bathroom, and Akito’s room were tidy enough, then attempt to organize the mess of her own room. The latter part would honestly not be so difficult she could just move most, or even half of her stuff to Mizuki’s place, but seeing as she still spent most of the week at Akito’s it just didn’t make sense logistically.

The moment he got back from overseas, Ena was planning on immediately moving. Well, maybe not immediately but pretty damn close to that. She just had to wait around two more months until then.

Ena checked the time one more time to check how much time she had until her shift at Weekend Garage. Just around two hours until she needed to be there. Cooking pancakes would take just about twenty or so minutes, and getting ready around thirty, and the commute about fifteen. So that leaves her about fifty minutes to do some organizing. 

Alright, with that plan set, Ena stepped out of the room to get the day started. 

—

Working at Weekend Garage really gave Ena a new respect for baristas and people who work at cafes. They had to juggle making the drinks quickly without compromising quality. It took a couple of shifts for her to do so efficiently, thankfully Ken was pretty patient with her. Also the little cheat sheet that An had created for all of the drinks on the menu and the usual orders of the regulars was extremely helpful too. 

At this point, she was basically a pro at this whole barista thing. Maybe she could make this a more permanent thing even after An got back from their tour. Ena loved the smell of coffee, the cafe itself was nice and comfy, and the usual customers were all also extremely kind too since most of them were people either familiar or a part of Vivid Street. 

Today’s shift wasn’t all too busy or hectic, it was actually a relatively slow day. Pretty chill and relaxing. From the stories she heard from An and Akito, working during a rush hour, or rush day, seemed like hell. Thankfully, she hasn’t had to work during one of those rushes yet, but she dreaded the day she would. 

With the day winding down, approaching sunset, and the closing hour of the cafe, Ena was making sure everything was clean and tidy. The mugs, cups, and mixers were washed and cleaned. The baked goods were all stored away for the next day. She had already wiped down the counters and tables, so all that was left was to sweep the floor. No problem at all.

She stepped into the backroom for a moment to grab a broom and dustpan, and while she was back there, there was a bell chime. Stepping outside, Ena was greeted with who would probably be the final customer for the day.

“Wow, a rare sight. Shinonome Ena cleaning.”

“Oi, fuck off we’re closed,” Ena said, as she began to sweep the area, not even nothering to look at the other woman who had just entered. 

“Man, is that what you call customer service? For someone like me, I expect top notch quality.” There was a smugness in the woman’s voice that caused Ena to roll her eyes.

“I don’t give a shit if you’re an idol, Airi, we’re closed. No special privileges” 

“Fine, fine, you’re no fun… I wasn’t planning on ordering anything anyways.” Airi walked over to a table and took a seat.

Ena perked her head up, “Ok then why’re you here?”

“Wow, what’s wrong with a girl just wanting to see her best friend?” The idol pouted, “Oh wait. Don’t tell me you replaced me with Mizuki! Damn Ena, that’s cold even for you.” 

“Oh shut up, I didn’t replace anyone.” Ena set the broom down, leaning against the counter before walking over to Airi’s table, taking a seat across from her. “And for your information, Mizuki is in her own separate category.”

“Oh I know,” A devilish smile appeared on her face, one that Ena recognized as dangerous from experience. “I bet you two get up to some crazy shit huh? I knew it, she seemed like the type.”

“Huh?! What no!” Ena immediately retaliated.

“What? No judgement. We both know I can’t say shit, otherwise I’d be a hypocrite.” She raised her hands shaking her head.

“God yeah I know. And I wish I didn’t.” Ena pinched the bridge of her nose with a slight grimace. “There are some things that I think even best friends shouldn’t know about each other, Airi. 

“Hey, I’ve no shame. There’s weirder and crazier shit on the internet, you should know as an artist.”

“Ugh… yeah…” Ena shuddered, “You know, sometimes I think it’s a miracle you’re still an idol.”

“Eh, it’s all about knowing how to play the game of publicity and media. And I so happen to be a master at it,” She shrugged.

“Right…” Ena sighs, “Anyways, Airi. I’ll have you know, Mizuki and I have a nice, wholesome relationship.”

“You know saying that makes you sound even more sus right?” 

“Shut the fuck up! Just so you know, we don’t even sleep in the same bed.”

That caused the idol to raise a brow, “You two have been dating for almost five months and… wait you said she as a one bedroom apartment, how the fuck does that work out when you sleep overnight there?”

“She got a separate futon that she sleeps on, and she lets me use her bed.” Ena states plainly.

“Why?”

“It’s… it’s complicated and kind of personal, but basically we’ve been taking it slow with stuff…” Yeah that was probably the best way to explain it without telling her the full story of Mizuki’s past. Thanks to that trauma she experienced, she had always been hesitant with intimacy. Though, she’s been getting a lot better recently, which was good for her.

“Ok. I won’t press, and respect it.”

“Thanks. But yeah, that’s also kind of the reason why I haven’t fully moved in yet either.”

“But ya’ll are looking for a new place right?”

“Yup… well we’re trying to save up the money first and then get a new place. Hopefully somewhere that isn’t too far.”

“Awww, is that because you’d miss me?”

“No,” Ena deadpanned. “It’s because Mizuki is thinking on continuing to work with Phoenix Wonderlands and the WonderStage as a costume designer.”

“Wait, what about her sister’s company? Are you saying she’s gonna be working two major jobs like that?” 

“She’s a workaholic.”

“So, opposite of you?”

“You bitch.” She said under her breath.

“Well good luck to her on that. You better support her.” The idol pointed a finger gun at her with an overly forced grave look. “Or else…”

“What do you take me for? Of course I will, dumbass.”

“Good, good…” Airi lowered her hand, placing it on the table. Her fingers rhythmically tapping the wood. “Oh actually on the topic of work, how’s it going on your side of things?”

“My side? Well, I mean I’ve been working here at Weekend Garage.”

“You know that’s not what I meant you ass. I mean how’s the art stuff going?” 

Ah… right… 

That question stunned Ena for a moment. She wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that question without causing Airi to freak out and start spiraling in worry like she normally did. Choosing to dodge it could only make things worse if she found out another way. But straight up telling her was also likely to get a volatile reaction out of her too.

It was a dilemma she sort of hoped she wouldn’t have to face, or at least not this soon. But somehow, Airi always had the worst timing for stuff like this. It almost seemed like a superpower that she had to sense when Ena had something major on her mind like this.

After some more thought that felt like hours, which was probably just a couple of seconds in real time, Ena landed on what to do. Honesty here was probably best. Like ripping off a bandage quickly and in one swift go.

“Hello Ena???” Airi was now waving her hand in her face as she snapped out of her internal debate.

“Sorry, just thinking.” 

“Ok and thinking about what? My question? Girl, it’s not that hard of a thing to answer.”

“It kind of is, I think, given the circumstances.”

“Uhuh? And how is that so?” Airi crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. Brows raised, her eyes eager to and expecting for some explanation.

Ena took a breath, closing her eyes for a moment. A millisecond of reflection occurring at the same time. This was the right choice right? Yeah, it was the only choice she could make to move forward with her life. 

“I’m quitting art.”

Chapter Text

When I was little, I remember one day, I decided to explore the attic of our house. That attic was always such an elusive and mysterious place to me. Our parents constantly told us to not go up there, which makes sense since I probably wasn’t any older than six at the time. It’d be pretty dangerous to have a kid as dumb as Akito to go up there. Like he could trip and fall in the dark or hit his head on something. Not me though, I’d never do that.

Maybe I was feeling a bit rebellious that day, but I decided to finally go check it out. I had an entire plan and everything, all I needed was a ladder, a flashlight, and Akito. I had to bribe him by giving him half my pancakes for a week…

It was on a day when mom was busy with chores. I had Akito stand watch for me, to let me know when mom was coming and to try and distract her just in case. With a ladder that we found in the garage, I was able to climb up and enter the attic. 

Growing up, I didn’t really think of the dark as scary, but I guess atmosphere can really affect that. I remember it was so dusty up there, cobwebs everywhere. Even with the flashlight on, it all looked so eerie. There were tons of random and old things up there. Boxes of stuff, old furniture, tools, were just littered everywhere. I had a hard time not accidentally bumping into something or tripping just because of how on edge I was.

Each step caused a slight creak, which didn’t help how tense and anxious I was. And of course, there was the fact that mom could show up at any point. It felt like in those horror movies where the main character has to hold their breath to not get caught by the killer or monster. In my case, instead of death, I’d probably face an earful and get grounded. Which would be pretty close to death for my six year old self. 

To say that I was a bit afraid, was an understatement. But I was already in too deep, and my curiosity managed to keep me going deeper in the attic. Against one the walls, there were more boxes, with what looked to be paint on them. Along with fabrics and cloths that seemed to be hanging on and covering something. 

And of course, curiosity got the best of me. When I pulled off the cloth, there was a massive puff of dust. It got in my eyes and nose, making my eyes water, causing me to sneeze and cough a couple of times. But it was all worth the temporary suffering.

Beneath the cloth covering was this big painting of an incredibly beautiful landscape. It was a painting of a river stream, trees and rocks lining the riverbed, and the sky was this beautiful sunrise with fluffy clouds like cotton candy. The colors were just so lively, so vivid, as if I was actually there. It was breathtaking. I remember just staring at it for so long that I lost track of time.

I took a look at the frame it sat in and I found a name. Shinonome Shinei, dad’s name. I was amazed that dad was the person who made this. I had heard about his line of work from mom when she tried to explain to me and Akito why he always seemed to be going out of the house at random times. But I just didn’t think it’d be this… inspiring.

I think about this day a lot. More than I really would like to, honestly, since it’s so intrinsically tied to dad. But, how could I not think about this day so much? 

It was the day I was first exposed to the world of art.

—

“EXCUSE ME, THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN???” Airi exclaimed, slamming her hands down on the table. Her eyes wide with shock and disbelief, looking at her, you’d think someone just threw a cat off a cliff right in front of her. 

Yup… she’s taking this about as well as Ena expected. Well better considering she hasn’t thrown anything yet, hopefully that wouldn’t change.

“I mean what I said Airi. I’m quitting being an artist.” Ena said as casually as she could, trying to calm the energy in the room. The idol though, didn’t seem to be calming down in the slightest. If anything her temperature only seemed to be rising.

 “But why? What the fuck happened to you?! Last time you said this you were contemplating-” She paused, before reaching over to grab onto Ena’s shoulders. Eyes filled with genuine worry. “No no no no, Ena, girl, I thought you were doing better thanks to Mizuki… What did she do? If she did anything to you I swear I will-”

“Woah Airi calm down, calm down.” Ena put a hand on her arm to reassure her, speaking in a soothing way. It was just about the only thing she could really think of doing to stop Airi from contemplating becoming a felon. “I’m ok. Nothing wrong with me, ok? And Mizuki didn’t do anything, so just calm down.”

“But how can I be calm, Ena?! You just said you’re quitting one of, if not, THE biggest passion in you fucking life! It’d be like me saying I’m quitting collecting cat themed things and saying I despise cats! Do you understand how wrong that is? Imagine! ME, MOMOI AIRI RESIDENT CAT LOVER OF MMJ, HATING CATS, ENA! I CAN’T! YET HERE YOU ARE SAYING YOU’RE QUITTING ART!”

Ok… Airi had a point there. It was probably a pretty jarring thing to think about for her. And for one, she was right, imagining Airi hating cats was an almost brain breaking task considering how much she loved them and for how long she has. 

“Look, I think you’re just overreacting Airi.”

“BITCH I THINK YOU’RE UNDERREACTING!”

“I’ll explain ok? So just chill out for a second.”

The idol closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She took her arms off of the other’s shoulders and sat back down in her seat. After another breath, she opened her eyes again. “Ok… explain.”

“I was thinking a while back about what I wanted to do, not just about art, but just in general I guess. And looking at everything, how my life is right now and what I want it to look like in the future, I kind of realized that maybe art isn’t the best thing to pursue going forward.”

 “Mizuki and I are planning on getting a new place soon, and we need stable income to make that happen. She’s also planning on trying to start a branch of Yuuki’s fashion brand here in Japan too. And I know that it’s going to be difficult and draining for her to do that. So I just thought that maybe I should go towards a more stable career path to support her.”

It took a couple of weeks of reflection for Ena to come to that conclusion. Sure art was something she was passionate about, something that had given her that spark in life, but right now she had found another source for that spark. Mizuki. As much as she wanted to make art, she also wanted to support Mizuki as best as she could.

As long as she’s able to help Mizuki achieve what she wants, Ena would be satisfied with that. Just seeing Mizuki happy would be enough for her.

Plus it wasn’t exactly like she was finding all that much success and satisfaction with where she was in her path of an artist. Barely managing to make ends meet thanks to commissions, and not having much or any recognition for her own personal work. It all just seemed like a good time to shift gears. 

“Ena, that doesn’t mean you have to give up art. If you’re worried about commissions and stable income, didn’t Emu offer you a contract? I’m sure Mizuki’s sister would too. Hell, if you want I’ll talk with our manager to see if we can get you a couple commissions for MMJ.”

“That’s not the issue Airi!” She said a bit too suddenly. And following the slight outburst was a beat of silence. Ena then sighed, “But seriously, I’ve thought long and hard about this, and this is something I want to do. I’ve already decided.” 

“But why go to this extreme?”

“I…” Another beat of hesitance from Ena, “I just don’t think art is the right thing for me anymore. I just think it’s time to move on I guess. Onto another chapter of my life. It’s not like every art major uses their degree anyways, and I’m still young, I can go back to school to do something else.”

“You sound like you’ve gone through a midlife crisis.”

“Fuck off, no I haven’t!”

“Yeah, sure.” Airi teased with a smug smirk, “But if that’s what you say, then I’ll support you all the way Ena. Ride or die till the end bitch.”

“Thanks, Airi.”

“Of course bestie! But uh… what’s your plan? I doubt you plan on working here for the foreseeable future. Ah no offense to Mr. Shiraishi.”

“Well, I’m not sure yet. I’m kinda going by ear y’know?” Ena shrugged.

“Yup there’s the Ena I know and love. No plan, only shitty improv.” Airi chuckled, “But if you ever need some help or support, hit me up. I’ll come running when I can.”

“Right. And the same goes for you too.”

“Oh I know. Don’t worry, I’ve already got a plan for when I need to pull a ‘Ena get the fuck over here’ card.” 

“Should I be worried?” Ena raised a brow.

“Nah. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t then it doesn’t.”

“Does it have to do with Minori and Haruka?”

“Maybe.”

A smile formed on both of women’s faces before breaking out into a laughing fit, easing the previous tension from their conversation. The seriousness faded away as the two moved past the topic. Though for Ena, it continued to linger in the back of her mind.

—

The conversation she had with Airi just a couple of hours ago kept replaying in her mind. Not so much because of what was said, but instead because of the topic in general. Her decision on her career as an artist. 

Why was she thinking so much about it? She had already made her choice, made her decision on the matter. She was just uneasy. Was it regret? No… no she thought a long time about it, and she didn’t have any doubts then, why would she now?

It was probably because she had to figure out how to tell Mizuki about it. Knowing Mizuki she’d likely be surprised, worried, maybe, just like Airi. And of course she didn’t want to worry her at all. Yeah that was it, that’s why she seemed so nervous and uneasy.

Ena just kept thinking to herself, reflecting on what to say, and how to tell her. She was just laying down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling waiting for Mizuki to get home. It was actually a bit surprising when Ena got to the apartment to see that Mizuki’s car wasn’t there. Normally around this time she should’ve been home.

A part of her wanted to text her, ask where she was, but knowing Mizuki she might be in a business meeting that’s running late or something. She’d been having a lot of those business meetings lately, all of which were related to Cute-Kiyama and the potential for starting a Japan based branch. Based on what Mizuki told her, she was basically the surrogate stand-in representative for Yuuki in those meetings.

It sounded exhausting to do that type of work. All business, numbers, and professionality. Ena could never see herself surviving that. She was much more in love of the idea of freedom and casualness when it came to work. Another way that Mizuki tended to be the opposite of Ena. 

Thinking about it, maybe that’s why a career in art was so attractive to her when she was little. Art was innately pretty free and pliable. It was basically the antithesis of an office or corporate job. Was that the reason why she became an artist?

Yeah, it probably was. Especially when considering how fiery she was back then, it made sense.

But that's besides the point, she still had to figure out how to actually tell Mizuki their decision. How should she bring it up? It didn’t really feel like something she could just drop on her out of nowhere. And slowly building up to it felt awkward too. Ughh, why did she have to be such a socially awkward person.

And just as Ena seemed to be sprinting towards a spiral of trying to figure out a plan of attack, the front door’s lock clicked. 

Well, shit. Mizuki’s home. So much for coming up with a plan. Time to fucking wing it!

Before Ena could move from her spot, the door swung open. A cheery voice quickly filled the room, “I’m home, Enanan~”

Ena turned her head a bit to look at the door, still laying on her back. “Welcome home, Amia.”

“Hehe~ I could get used to hearing that everyday,” She said with a smug and very slappable grin as she began to place her purse and hat on the rack near the door, slipping her shoes off. Though she was still holding a couple of unexplained grocery bags in her free hand. 

“Ugh, shut up.” Ena rolled over to her side, now facing the other way. 

“Sorry for not being here earlier.”

“That’s why I have the extra key right, to break in whenever I want? But it’s fine. You had a meeting run late?”

“No, not at all. I just had to go pick up some stuff and it took longer than expected.” Mizuki’s voice now seemed to be coming from right behind Ena. She was probably standing right over her now.

“So, are you saying I waited here for an hour for no good reason?”

“Awww are you saying you missed me? I’m sure you’ll be happy about it soon enough~ Let me just get changed first.” Then Ena felt a pair of lips press against the back of her head, causing a slight blush to creep onto her face. Following that were a couple of footsteps and Mizuki voice now further away, “And that would’ve been on your forehead if you weren’t facing the wrong way~”

Ena waited a moment, so that Mizuki could be out of the room, before she began to kick her feet in annoyance. Ughhh, her face running so hot because of that fucking idiot, making her blush. How can that annoying dipshit be such a great and natural flirt? That’s so unfair.

Taking a couple of minutes to recover from the sudden gay panic she experienced, she then rolled off of the couch and onto her feet. Curiosity led her to the counter where the grocery bag was sitting, wondering what exactly Mizuki decided to get that caused her to be late. Apparently it was something that’d improve her mood and make her happy. Pfttt as if she was that easy to please.

She reached her hand out to one of the bags carefully, just in case whatever was in there was fragile. And she began to reach into it to find some flour, sugar, strawberries and chocolate. Which seemed like pretty normal stuff, nothing that would scream ‘make Ena happy’.

So it was probably in the other bag. Reaching into it, it seemed that it was full of a couple of containers. And pulling them out the containers looked like a to-go container from a restaurant or something like that.

“Ena, didn’t think you were so impatient!” Mizuki's voice suddenly shot across the room in a slight whine, causing her to freeze and turn around. She was now dressed in a plain t-shirt and shorts, her hair still tied up in her signature side ponytail. For some reason she still kept it up even if they were just at home.

“What, do you expect me to not look?”

“Mhm, but I guess you were never really the patient type~” She teased as she moved towards the counter as well, leaning against it right next to Ena. “But go ahead, take a look in those containers.”

And so she did. Opening up one of the containers, inside looked to be some sort of pasta, which smelled pretty good. Another container had some garlic bread. The last one was something that made Ena’s mouth water a bit, a beautiful raspberry marble cheesecake. Everything looked pretty high quality too, so this likely wasn’t that cheap.

“As you can probably guess, it’s our dinner for the night. I placed the order this morning so I could just pick it up on my way home, but man they were busy today.” Mizuki said proudly.

“This looks kinda pricey Mizuki…  Normally we just cook something when I stay the night, so why all this?”

“Well, I’m going to be in France for a couple of weeks for business. So I thought why not splurge a bit as a treat before we part ways? That way you won’t miss me too much. It was a last minute thought honestly, so I thought this would’ve been easier schedule wise than going out on a date.” 

“It’s only going to be for two weeks, I won’t miss you that badly.”

Mizuki feigned hurt, holding a hand to her chest dramatically. “Well Ena, I’m going to miss you a lot. And to think… I did this all for you…”

“Oh shut up you dramatic bitch.” Ena rolled her eyes with a slight smile, moving to the cupboard to grab some plates and utensils. 

Mizuki went to grab a couple of glasses, before pausing. “So Enanan, care for some wine, or maybe sake, to pair?”

“I’m still staying the fuck away from alcohol thank you very much. Been sober since Halloween, and I don’t plan on changing that.” 

“What are you worried you’d say something embarrassing again? It’s only just the two of us, nothing to be embarrassed about”

“Nuhuh, nope, just get me tea or something instead.”

“Okay gotcha!” 

Mizuki opened the fridge and prepared their drinks, while Ena began to plate the food and set the table. It didn’t take long, as the dining area table was set with two plates of pasta, the cheesecake almost acting as a centerpiece. Mizuki had set their glasses there too, as Ena took her seat waiting for the other to take theirs. 

But she didn’t, not yet. Ena just watched her leave the room and enter the hallway and open one of the storage closets. Looked like she was looking for something.

“Oi, Amia what’re you doing? Food’s gonna get cold!”

“Just a moment!” She said, still head deep in the closet. The sound of rustling and moving boxes could faintly be heard. Whatever she was searching for must’ve been pretty buried deep. 

“Aha found ya!” With a triumphant yell, Mizuki managed to force close the closet, which would probably have to be organized later. And she made, holding whatever she found behind her back.

“What is it this time?”

“You’ll see~” She said, making a slight detour to turn off the lights.

“Hey! I won't see shit without light!” Ena whined, now squinting her eyes to try and see what Mizuki was doing or planning

“I know, I know, Enanan. Just a moment.”

 In the darkness, Ena could just barely make out Mizuki setting a couple of things on the table. Then there was a flame that flickered to life from a light, revealing that Mizuki had added a couple of things. For one a candle that she had now just lit. And around it were several cute folded paper flowers. 

“Huh?” The whole scene surprised Ena leaving her a little speechless. 

“Just thought I’d set the mood y’know?” Mizuki smirked as she took her seat. “What do you think? Did I do good?”

Yup… Mizuki was just a natural flirt like that. That natural trait of hers paired quite spectacularly, or horribly depending on who you ask, well with how easy Ena was to fluster. She just hoped that Mizuki couldn’t see how flushed red her face was in the candle light.

“You are so annoying sometimes…” Ena mumbled.

“It must be one of my best traits since you still love me so much, right?” Mizuki hummed.

“Just shut it and eat before the food gets cold.”

“Haha, yes ma’am!”

Yup, it was moments like these that Ena loved. Moments like these that Ena could experience and live out everyday without tiring. Moments that were always so lively and fun. This was the reason why she wanted to keep supporting Mizuki no matter what. So that they could continue to have moments and nights like these.

Nights where Mizuki would do something so thoughtful and nice. Where she would tease Ena for reacting the way she does. Where they could just laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Giving up art so that these moments could continue happening would be worth it. 

Though, she still had to tell Mizuki about it. But right now… no it could wait. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, the vibe. This was a night to enjoy without any influence of that heavy topic.  It’s fine, she’ll just tell her when she gets back. Two weeks weren’t that long of a wait.

Chapter Text

The gentle morning rays peaked through the curtains, into the pink bedroom, right onto the bed. The shine caused the girl in the bed to stir, tossing and turning for a moment so that her eyes could avoid the light. But eventually, with an annoyed growl, Ena gave up and sat up. 

It took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light, as she rubbed the sleepiness away. Thinking to herself, which was more annoying? Waking up to loud as hell alarm, or having your eyes blasted and blinded by the sunlight. Right now, it seemed that the latter was winning that competition.

Ena scanned across the room, which was neat and pink. In a way it was completely opposite to the room she had at Akito’s apartment, but considering this was Mizuki’s room, it made sense. If that woman had Ena’s room instead, she’d probably cry before going through a massive remodeling effort.

There was one key thing that Ena noted was different with the room compared to the previous night. The middle area of the room was completely empty and clear. The futon that Mizuki used to sleep whenever Ena was sleeping over wasn’t set up here anymore. Considering Mizuki was a relatively early riser compared to her, it made sense. 

After a couple of moments she finally got up from the bed, and made her way to the rest of the small apartment. Again, it was more well decorated than her brother’s apartment. And while Mizuki tended to keep her place pretty tidy, she could’ve sworn the place looked even neater. Looks like Mizuki had a really early morning.

As she moved towards the kitchen, looking for a glass of water and something for breakfast she noticed something on the dining table. There was a covered plate with what seemed to be a note besides it. With a yawn Ena picked up the paper.

Heya Enanan~

If you’re reading this then it’s probably like two pm or something-

Ena looked at the time, and it was only eleven in the morning. She rolled her eyes with a slightly smug grin; looks like that idiot was wrong twice in a row.

- which means I’m probably on my flight to France. I didn’t want to wake you up when I was about to leave.  But yeah, I made some breakfast for you when you do wake up. I’ll text ya soon! Don’t miss me too much!

Love Amia <3  :3

P.S

You were drooling all over the pillow and it was too cute~ Don’t deny it I’ve got photo proof.

Ena let out a defeated sigh, face a little red. That bitch took a picture of her drooling?! Ughhh what’s wrong with her!? Great, that was just another thing for Mizuki to tease them with for the next month or so. She really needed to find a way to get back at that idiot.

She took the cover off the plate and was pleasantly surprised at what it was. Mizuki had made an entire stack of fluffy pancakes for her, complete with a chocolate and caramel drizzle, powdered sugar, and an assortment of berries on the side. So this was what all those extra random groceries she bought last night were for.

That idiot didn’t have to do this for her. Tidying up and also cooking breakfast for her, all before leaving for a business trip. God, she really did seem like the perfect girlfriend right now. Just how much good karma and luck did she sacrifice for Mizuki? In a way she didn’t feel worthy of having Mizuki, considering how great she was.

But at least it gave Ena all the more reason to find a way to support Mizuki as best she could, in any way she was capable. Afterall, Mizuki, even back in highschool, acted like a solid rock for her to steady herself on. She had to repay that favor to her, otherwise what type of girlfriend would she be? 

Though that thought could wait after Ena helped herself to some delicious pancakes. She sat down, tooking the fork that was set right next to the plate before taking a bite. The lightly sweet, fluffy goodness instantly took over her taste buds, letting out a satisfied sigh. Yeah, it was a good idea teaching Mizuki the secret recipe the Shinonome family was perfecting over how many years. 

Mizuki even seemed to be adding her own modifications to the recipe too. With the usual vanilla and light citrus that there was a hint of mint that replaced the usual nutmeg that wasn’t in the version she taught her. A pretty good addition actually, note taken.

Then there was a ring on her phone, a notification specifically. Looking at it, it was a Nightcord message from Mafuyu.

Yuki: Enanan, K wanted me to ask if we are still meeting up at the diner later.

Right, that completely slipped her mind. She was supposed to meet up with the both of them to discuss the next potential song for N25. 

A lot of things had been slipping her mind lately actually. Eh, it was probably because of having to wake up at an unnaturally early time. That and all the new info on how to mix drinks was probably taking up a lot of her brain’s memory storage.

Ah… if they were going to go over and discuss the potential of making a new song… how would she tell them that she’s stepping away from art? If she told Mafuyu and Kanade now… Shit wait, that’s a big problem. Not only with their potential reactions but also the way that information would likely get to Mizuki. She wanted to tell and explain her decision to Mizuki herself in person, not to have her learn about it like this…

A part of her wanted to cancel the meeting, just to avoid that scenario. But… would it be more suspicious for her to back out now, so last minute with no real reasoning or excuse? Mafuyu wasn’t the sharpest when it came to this type of thing, reading inbetween the lines… but Kanade, she’s more perceptive, meaning maybe she’d pick up on it. 

Either way she looked at it… yeah she was in a pretty rough spot right now. No matter which decision she would choose, it seemed like the possibility of ending in a bad spot was high. A lose-lose situation honestly… What to do in this situation? Fake it till you make it?

Enanan: Yeah. I’m still good with that. 

Yuki: Alright. We’ll see you there.

Great, Ena was now dreading the meeting now. Surely if she did tell those two, and told them to not tell anyone else they’d listen right? Kanade was such a sweetheart and angel, so she’d understood. Mafuyu… well she’s still a bit of a bitch in how she can act sometimes but ultimately she’d probably understand too. 

Ughh… it was way too fucking early for this overthinking and stress!

Ena let out a big sigh, as she took another big bite of pancakes to try and help lighten her mood a bit. Hopefully nothing goes south. Hopefully, lady luck was on her side today.

—

The sound of fingernails tapping a table rhythmically accompanied the ambient noise of a semi busy diner. The sounds of other customers talking, silverware clanging against plates, and the servers all communicating with each other. Ena’s other hand was holding her phone, eying the time. 

The entire time she waited there in that booth, Ena’s mind was racing. She was still trying to figure out the angles of how to go about the impending conversation and meeting. What to say and how to explain to them the situation. 

That or even just straight up lying to them, at least until she was able to tell Mizuki directly herself. That’d be about two weeks of lying and dodging the topic of her making the illustrations for a new song… that wasn’t that long of a time period. Right? That was possible. Maybe not fun but doable.

Then in the corner of her eye, she spotted two women, one with purple hair the other with silver entering the diner. Shit they’re here already? Normally those two would be late. Why now of all times would they be on fucking time?! Whatever, fine, fine… just relax… don’t freak out and act normally. 

“I’m surprised you guys are on time.” Yup, that’s a pretty normal thing for Ena to say. So far so good.

“Oh well, it's all thanks to Yuki that we’re not late,” Kanade said as she slid into the booth. “I was busy rushing to finish a composition I almost forgot about the time…”

 “Yes, I made sure to remind K multiple times so we would not be late.” Mafuyu replied as took her seat right beside the composer.

“Well, that’s good at least.”

“Have you already placed an order?” Mafuyu asked as she flipped through the menu. 

“I just got a coffee and cheesecake. Just waiting on it.”

“That is not a proper meal.” 

“Well, I’m not that hungry.” Ena huffed, crossing her arms. In her peripherals she could also see a waiter approaching their table. “Waiter in coming, so focus on your order instead of mine.”

Ena watched the two opposite of her continue to quickly flip through the menu. It normally didn’t take those two too long to figure out an order. Kanade typically defaulted to ramen, and Mafuyu usually just copies what Kanade gets more often than not, so Ena was willing to put money on them ordering two ramens. Which was confirmed once the waiter arrived to take their order.

With the waiter now walking off into the kitchen, it was probably time to move onto business. Well, N25 business at least, and what was probably the most dreaded part of her day.

“Are you sure it’ll be ok to talk about N25 without Amia here? I don’t want her to be out of the loop,” Kanade says, eyes moving between the other two present members.

“Well… Mizuki said to go through with N25 stuff today. I’ll relay whatever we talk about to her,” Ena replied. Mizuki insisted that they’d discuss a new song even if she wasn’t there, and if they didn’t Ena was sure she’d ask about it and why. Which would lead to the whole, having to tell Mizuki about her decision and all that. Fuck this situation was starting to become a real headache.

“If that is what she wants then it should be ok K.”

“Alright… The main thing I want to discuss about our next project is… well…” Kanade pauses for a moment, “I believe we should hold off on producing another song for a while.”

 Ena immediately raised an eyebrow. That certainly wasn’t something she was expecting, practically blindsiding her. Though it was a bit of a relief to hear, somewhat solving her immediate dilemma for now. Still she put on a feigned sense of shock as she asked, “Huh? Wait, why?”

“It was my idea initially. I have my final exams coming up for my nursing program, and I would like to spend more time studying and preparing for them.” Right, for Mafuyu, this whole music thing was really more of a side thing. Her main focus still continued to be nursing, so it made sense for her to want to put more effort into that. “I brought it up to K last week.”

“And… well, I’m currently working with Hoshino on a collaboration project… and it’s taking a lot more of my time and energy than I originally thought it would.” Kanade said softly, seemingly a little deflated. 

“I see… It’s ok, I mean, N25 really is a side project for all of us right? Mafuyu’s trying to become a nurse. Kanade you have a bunch of bigger projects you’re working on. And Amia’s got so much shit going on right now too, trying to start and manage a branch of her sister’s fashion company.” She paused for a moment. “With that in mind, I think taking a break would be a good idea. I’m sure Amia will be fine with it.”

Everyone seemed to be busy moving forward in their lives and careers. Meanwhile, she couldn’t exactly say it was the same for her. Still trying to figure out what to do, where to go, now that she’s decided to stop fruitlessly pursuing art. At least this would give her time on how to break the news to them, and give her time to at least figure out a new path for herself.

“I see, if everyone is ok with it, then we’ll pause N25 for now for the next couple of months?” 

“Yes that is fine with me K.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” 

“How about you Enanan? How have things been for you?” Mafuyu asked Ena.

“Oh. Well I mean, I’ve been fine. Busy I guess? My brother’s music group is on tour right now, so I’ve been working at Weekend Garage to help cover their shifts, since I know the owner.”

“Ah that is the popular cafe on Vivid Street right? I suppose that means you have not had much time to work on art?” She tacked another question onto her previous one. 

That caught Ena off guard a bit. Mafuyu wasn’t wrong, but the fact that she asked that specifically felt eerie. Mafuyu always had a peculiar habit of somehow pinpointing and bringing up certain sensitive things, even if she didn’t realize it herself.

 “Yeah… working there has been kind of tiring, especially waking up early in the morning. So I haven’t really been doing much art,” It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but also wasn’t a hundred percent true either. “But other than that I don’t mind it. Environment and vibe is nice, and the customers are too. I’ve been meaning to get to know Vivid Street more, so it works out.”

“That’s good. Things seem to be going well for you Enanan,” Kanade slightly nodded with a warm smile. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever been there, I’ve only heard of it… Have you Yuki?”

“I do not believe so.”

“Huh, that’s a bit of a surprise.” Then again, Kanade rarely left home and Mafuyu wasn’t really the type to explore and travel for fun. But still, it was a bit of a shock. “That place is known for being a hub of art and music, I thought that you guys would’ve visited at some point in the last six years or something.”

“Maybe we should find some time and visit. What do you think, K?”

“It sounds like fun… But I should finish the composition I’m working on first.”

“Well, if you do drop by while I’m working at the cafe, I’ll treat you guys to a drink, on me.”

“Maybe we can do our next N25 meeting there? Once our hiatus is over.” Mafuyu suggested.

“If that’s what you guys want to do, sure. Sounds like a plan.”

 Well, that is if there is a next meeting. Would N25 continue to exist and produce music without their artist? Would they find another artist to fill in for her? It didn’t seem impossible really. 

Compared to the other three, her role seemed to be the easiest to replace. Kanade and Mafuyu were an inseparable duo, the group's sound was solely based on those two. And Mizuki’s style was so unique, with the way she viewed everything, her choice of transitions, edits and visual motifs were another staple of their songs. While her art… she herself, wasn’t anything special. She wasn’t some master prodigy or talent like Mafuyu, Kanade, and Mizuki were in their respective areas. It wouldn’t be hard to find someone to replace her with someone who had a bit more innate talent in their bones.

It’s fine. At least it meant they’d be able to keep moving forward. And Ena was planning on supporting them along the way, even if it was from the sidelines. From the outside looking in. 

Either way, it looked like lady luck was on Ena’s side today, blessing her with a bit of reprieve and time to figure things out. Better than what she was initially expecting going into the conversation by a mile.

—

For the night, Ena decided to stay at Akito’s apartment. It was closer to Vivid Street than Mizuki’s place, and right now, Ena wanted to just collapse onto a bed or couch, or anything really that was nice and comfy. That meet up was more draining than she thought it would be. The entire time she was on edge, trying to not accidentally slip up, and that took more mental energy than she initially anticipated.

At least it was over now. She could just relax for the night and recharge for tomorrow and her shift at Weekend Garage. Thankfully it was a closing shift this time, so she could sleep in a bit more than usual and wake up closer to what felt natural for her. 

Ena found herself laying in her bed, scrolling through social media, to catch up on anything potentially interesting in her feed. Looks like the WonderStage is advertising and preparing for another show. Shizuku had posted a couple more random pictures of her and Shiho. Ever since she started using social media, everything on her account usually featured Shiho or Airi in some shape or form. And apparently from what Airi said, she cried when Shizuku finally understood how to use social media. Something about being so proud of her.

Scrolling deeper into her feed, she found that An also had done a bit of a photo dump too. Pictures of New York City, a lot of candid shots of Kohane, some behind the scenes of Vivid Bad Squad before the show. Actually, looking at the time, their show should’ve just finished maybe an hour ago. She then went to Akito’s account, to see if he had posted any of their performance highlights yet, something that he always did after every show. And yup, just as expected, he had already uploaded some clips and still shots of their performance. 

Then her phone began to ring, receiving a call. Ironically, it was pretty perfect timing too. She tapped the answer button and let her phone rest between her ear and shoulder.

“What’s up with the call?”

<I’m making sure you haven’t fucked up my place.> The voice of one annoying little brother came from the speaker.

“Hello to you too.” Ena rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry, I’ve been cleaning.” 

<Uhuh, yeah… sure> The disbelief in his voice oozed through the phone. <Cuz that’s believable>

“Shut up!” Ena whined for a moment, “Saw the highlights you posted. Tell the others they did a great job.”

<Better yet here-> Akito said, followed by some faint talking that Ena couldn’t make out.

<Oh my god, Ena!!! Hi!!!> A cheery voice came out of the speaker, one that Ena could tell was An.

<Hello, Ena. I hope you’re doing good.> Judging from the tone that was easily identified as Toya.

<Hi, Ena. How’s it going?,> The last voice, with how soft she sounded, was Kohane.

“I’m doing good. I’m sure you guys had a good show today right?”

<Yes, I believe tonight’s show went well> Toya said.

<Mhm! But I was a bit nervous with how big the venue was…> Kohane commented.

<Don’t worry you did amazing as always Kohane~> An said with a giggle. Knowing her, she was probably clinging onto Kohane right now.

Then Toya asked, <Is there anything you want as a souvenir from the States?>

“Oh there’s no need to get me anything.”

<We insist. Think of it as a thanks for taking over our shifts at Weekend Garage.>

<Speaking of which I gotta make sure,> An jumped in, <Dad isn’t overworking you or anything right?>

“Mr Shiraishi? Oh no, if anything I feel like I could be working more shifts and helping out more.”

<You’re already doing plenty with covering for us! Don’t worry!>

<We’ll definitely get you something nice once our tour is over,> Kohane chimed in.

“Alright, if you insist.”

<OH! Ena wanna hear a really funny story just happened to Akito earlier thi->

<Oi that’s enough out of you!> Akito’s voice had just cut An off, followed by some muffled argument and bickering. After a couple of moments, Akito said. <Sorry about. Anyways, I just wanted to see how you were doing over the last couple of weeks since we left.>

“That’s oddly thoughtful of you.”

<I am too tired to deal with your sass.>

“You sound like the older sibling right now y’know?” A slight smirk appeared on Ena’s face.

<I feel like it sometimes. If I did, then maybe I could boss you around instead.>

“Bah, you wish bitch. But seriously, everything is good on my end. Don’t worry about me and focus on your tour.”

<Mm. Ok, well just text me if you need me. I’ll find some time to call again next week.>

“Aww, so you’re worried about me? That’s sweet of you."

<No, I just want to make sure you haven’t destroyed my apartment.>

“Don’t worry it’s in good hands.”

<Mm, if you say so…> In the background there was a faint voice calling out to Akito. <Alright, I’ll let you go now. The other’s want to go out to eat.>

“Ok. Don’t drink to much”

<Unlike you I’m not an alcoholic.> 

And before Ena could respond to that, Akito hung up.

 “Oh that little shit just hung up on me! Rude!” Ena whined with a frown. So much for getting the last laugh there. But at least he and the rest of VBS were having a good time with their performances.

Ena finally got up from the couch with a sigh. Looks like they had their path sorted out for them, just like everyone else around her seemed to. Unlike herself, still trying to figure things out. Still unsure of exactly where to go and how. Ironic since she was the oldest of everyone.

Her eyes shifted to the clock on the wall, watching the hands ticking away with each second, time ticking away. How much longer did she have to figure herself out? How much time did she have left to discover the path she’d want to take? How much time had she wasted pursuing something that she didn’t have talent in? 

Thinking about it, why did she even put so much time in something she had no talent in? Why didn’t she focus on something she was good at instead? She couldn’t really remember. But no matter the answer, it was all a waste wasn’t it? All that time and effort used on art, only for her to quit now… but at least moving forward that waste would no longer occur.

She could now focus on things that wouldn’t just lead to fruitless and futile struggling. Well, at least once she’d figure out what that thing, that path looked like. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long.

Chapter Text

After that day in the attic, and after the scolding that Mom gave me, I kept thinking about that painting. It was always on my mind no matter what. I was obsessed with how nice it looked. I don’t think I’ve ever been drawn to something like that until then.

 Kids all have their special interests. Some might love trains, others penguins, or anime. For Akito back then it was soccer. For me, ever since that day, was art. It was just so cool and amazing. And it was something that I wanted to do too, to make something just as good as that.

Mom was a little hesitant with letting me start art classes. And yeah, I can understand why, she was probably worried about me drawing and doodling on the walls and furniture. But hey, persistence can really get you far if you’re stubborn enough. That and she wanted to get me and Akito to start some sort of afterschool activities. Akito chose soccer, I chose art classes.

Lucky for us, there was someone holding art classes not too far away from school, someone who my parents knew. Apparently he was classmates or something with dad when they were in university. Because of that, it was pretty easy to get me enrolled. The night before my first class, I remember being so excited I could barely sleep.

The first thought that came across my mind walking into that class for the very first time was just how distinct that smell was. The smell of paints and clays. I hated that smell. It made the air and atmosphere all muggy and a bit uncomfortable. If you were to tell younger me that I’d grow used to that smell, love it even, she’d call you insane. 

Nervous wouldn’t even begin to scratch the surface of how I felt that day. I was restless, but excited. Excited to see who else would be there, maybe make some friends, and of course to learn how to draw and paint. So much so that I basically forced mom to take me there way before the class started just so we could be early.

The place was full of tons of tools and supplies for creating pieces of work, stuff that I didn’t know anything about at the time. There were easels for painting and drawing horses littered around the room. In the center there was a stand used for still lifes and models. And off to the side were a couple of unplugged clay turntables and bags of clay for sculpting. 

Walking around, I was in awe and curious of what everything was. I wanted to touch everything, you know like what every kid’s instincts were like. By some miracle, mom was able to reign me in before I accidentally knocked over and potentially broke something.

And as mom was holding onto my arm, to keep me from running all over the place, a man approached us. I remember he had a slight smile on his face, but his eyes had this edge of seriousness. We was always so hard to read, as a kid and even as I grew up.

“It’s been a while, Sayako. I hope you and Shienei have been doing well.” The man said, before his eyes fell onto me. “I take it this child is Ena? The other one, Akito right, you didn’t bring him?”

“We’ve been good.” Mom answered, “And no, he said he wasn’t interested in art.”

“That’s a shame. It would’ve been nice to have both of Shinei’s children in my class.” The man then kneeled down in front of me. “I’ve heard a lot about you from your father Ena.”

“Really?” That was the first thing I remember saying to him.

“Yes. Whenever your father and I talk, he always manages to bring you and your brother up. But that’s besides the point. I should introduce myself. Seeing as I’ll be your teacher, you can refer to me as Yukihira Sensei.”

—

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The sound of a loud alarm echoed through Ena’s bedroom. One that caused her to stir in her bed, throwing the blanket over her head to keep the noise away. This was pretty much the normal morning routine for her when she had an early shift. And lucky for her, Ken was considerate enough to not give her too many early shifts. Unfortunately though, today was one of those rare early shifts.

After several snoozes, and many attempts of just ignoring the noise, she finally gave up. Shooting up from beneath the blankets with a groan, she reached for her phone to silence the source of her annoyance.

 She rubbed her eyes for a moment to help get rid of her drowsiness, then noticed the notifications on her phone. There were a couple of texts from a couple of hours ago. All of which were from Mizuki, so of course Ena decided to open them.

Idiot (Amia) <3: Heya Enanan~ Sis and I had a girl’s day, and I thought you would love some of the pics I took!

The message was followed by several pictures of street shots showcasing the buildings, people and architecture of the area in incredible lighting. Pictures of flowers and trees that Ena assumed was from a park that the siblings had visited. Food pictures of some delicious looking sandwiches and pastries, along with shots of the interior of a very cozy looking cafe. Mizuki was pretty good with a camera, which just added to the long list of things she had talent in. Honestly, Ena was a bit jealous of her there.

And of course a plethora of selfies of Mizuki and her sister in different locations. A lot of them had the siblings wearing wide smiles, or doing goofy faces. Looks like they were having a lot. There were also candid shots in there too, one of which took Ena’s attention in particular.

It was a shot of Mizuki on a small bridge, looking away from the camera. Her hair seemingly blowing in the breeze in such a beautiful way. The lights from the lamp post illuminating the soft smile on her face, her eyes reflecting that same light. It was the perfect shot, making Mizuki look even more mesmerizing and cute than she normally did. Which was a pretty tall task to do.

Idiot (Amia) <3: Hope you’re doing good, and not missing me too much! Cuz I’m definitely missing you~

Idiot (Amia) <3: Oh also, sis says hi

Blegh, why did she have to be so cheesy all the time. But despite the thought there was still a slight smile on her face. Ena then quickly began to type up a reply. 

Ena: I’m doing great without a certain idiot around.

Ena: Glad you’re having a good time. And tell Yuuki I said hi too.

A bit of envy swelled up in Ena, even if she didn’t want to admit it. It wasn’t just envy towards Mizuki, or even the fact that she was able to go around to all those amazing places. More so, it was envy towards everyone else and their standing in life. 

Mizuki, Airi, Akito, their success in their careers allowed them to travel and gain new experiences. Mizuki practically had a second home in France with Yuuki. Akito and the rest of VBS were touring all over America. Airi and MMJ have been all over the globe thanks to their insane internet fame. And if Kanade wanted to, she probably could travel a bit with her own music as well. 

Meanwhile, Ena, she hasn’t even had the opportunity to step outside of Japan, no matter how much she wanted to. Sure Tokyo was nice, and her time in Kyoto during university was also great, but it just didn’t seem as amazing as visiting France, America, or any other countries that her other friends had been to.  But that was their reward for being successful, being talented in their endeavors.

If only she could say that for herself. If only her art was good enough to facilitate that desire. If only she was actually successful as an artist…

Ena shook her head, trying to brush off and push the thought away. It didn’t matter anymore, that part of her life was behind her now. She just had to look forward and keep going, searching for a new path to walk. 

Which meant she needed to get ready for her shift, which was in about… Ah shit, forty minutes… Maybe ignoring her alarm and snoozing it that many times was a really bad idea.

—

Looking at the clock, she only needed to last for thirty more minutes.  Thirty more minutes until her shift was over and she’d be able to go home and pass out. For some reason, today was just busy, busier than normal. Thankfully Ken was able to help her out during the rushes. If he wasn’t Ena was sure she would’ve died.

Right now, it was quiet and slow, a reprieve from the chaos of rush hour. Ena stood at the counter leaning against the counter while she scrolled through her phone. Her social media feed was pretty boring and uneventful, nothing really interesting catching her eye. No new pictures of videos from Airi or Mizuki, VBS didn’t have a show today so no new clips from them either. Most of her feed right now was cat pictures, which she couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of. Sure she didn’t post selfies as much anymore, but seeing just how many likes those goddamn cats get compared to how many she would get still made her a little annoyed.

Ena took a sip of a latte she had made for another kick of caffeine and energy, just a perk of working at Weekend Garage, a free drink whenever she worked. Her mind started to plan out what she was going to do after work. Heading over to Mizuki’s place for tonight was probably the plan, since she had the more comfy bed. And there was more to do over there too. Maybe she’d start to watch some of the anime that Mizuki recommended to her.

With her eyes still on her phone, there was chime coming from the door. Meaning another customer. She put her phone down as she looked up to greet whoever walked in, “Hello welcome in, what can I-”

Her eyes widened a bit as her gaze fell onto an older man. A man that Ena hadn’t seen in years, and someone she wasn’t expecting to be here on Vivid Street. The man then spoke, “Oh, Ena I didn’t expect to see you here. It’s been a while.”

“Y-yeah… it has been, Yukihira…” She paused, still in a bit of disbelief of who stood in front of her. Yukihira, her former art teacher. Someone she hadn’t seen in years since she moved for university. And someone who was well acquainted with her father. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here on Vivid Street. It’s not really your style.” Ena continued. Yukihira was, for the most part, the stereotypical traditional artist. Someone who preferred the classical style of art, the tried and tested art forms of history like painting and sculpture. Which wasn’t really Vivid Street’s vibe.  “So what’re you doing here?”

“For one, I was looking to get a drink. An americano please.” He said sliding over some cash. “And keep the change”

“Thanks” Ena said as she worked the register, printing out his recipe. She then turned to the espresso machine and began to make his coffee. “But that can’t be the only reason why you’re here.”

“A student of mine recently told me about Vivid Street, and about a museum that had opened here a couple of months ago. I’ve heard of this place before but I’ve never visited it. That student told me about some interesting displays, which piqued my interest, so I decided to finally take an opportunity to visit”

“Mm, ok…” Ena said as she finished up making his americano. It didn’t take too long, it was a simple drink, and after her weeks of experience she was basically a pro at this. Then she slid the cup over. “Here you go.”

Yukihira grabbed the cup and took a quick sip, “Mm, good quality coffee.”

“The owner has a pretty big emphasis on quality.”

“I assume that you’ve walked around that museum, yes?”

“Yeah. Akito helped set it up, and his music group has a display there too.”

“Yes, I did notice that. I see your brother decided to choose music as his preferred artistic endeavor” He took another sip with a slight nod. 

“He and his group are pretty damn good too. They’re in America right now, doing a tour.”

“I see, that’s good for him.” He pauses for a moment, “By the way, I also noticed that some of your work was also on display.”

Ena froze for a moment, a part of her sort of forgot about that. “Oh… yeah…”

“I can see your style hasn’t changed much even after all these years.”

That comment caused her to narrow her eyes. A part of her wanted to bite back at his comment, which felt something like a backhanded compliment to her. Knowing him, it might’ve been, Yukihira was never afraid to be blunt about his view of art. But she managed to hold her tongue.

“Actually, since I’m here, take a look at this.” Yukihira pulled out a small poster from his bag, setting it on the counter for her to look at. From a quick glance it looked like some sort of poster for an event, an art show specifically. “The local artist’s guild is holding an art contest, I suggest you submit something.”

“No.” Ena replied in a heartbeat. So fast that it seemed to surprise the normally collected and calm art teacher.

“Why not?” He asked with a raised brow. “There’s no harm in submitting a piece.”

“I’m done with art.” She slid the poster paper back towards him. “I’ve decided to move on from it.”

“Why is that?”

“I… I don’t know? Right now I just feel like its time to move on.” Ena shrugged. That was pretty much the truth. Seeing how her life has been going, where she was as an artist, how lost she felt. It all felt like the time to move onto something new and different instead of going in circles unsure of where to go. 

“Is that how you feel?”

“Uh yeah of course. Why else would I make that decision?” A beat, “Look don’t think too much about it. I just think I need a change of pace, move on from art and do something… more with my life I guess.”

Yukihira’s eyes trailed the paper, staying on it for a couple of seconds. For that moment, he seemed to be lost in thought, but soon his expression broke into a slight smile. One that confused Ena, adding to her frustration at the teacher. 

“You know… you two are very similar?” He finally said, breaking the brief silence.

“What?” 

“You and Shinei, I mean.”

“Excuse me?!” She spat out, frustration reaching its boiling point. 

“You know, your father at one po-”

“I don’t want to hear shit about him!” Ena had cut him off before he could finish. Her voice’s volume now at a yell. “And I sure as hell don’t want to be compared to that piece of shit either!

Yukihira looked a bit taken aback from her sudden eruption, before briefly closing his eyes and sighing. “I… my apologies…”

“Save it. You have anything else you want to say? Or are we done here?”

“I’ve nothing left to say…” He stood up from his seat, coffee in hand. “Thank you for the coffee.”

Yukihira turned around to leave the store. Ena watched him as he walked towards the door, a fist clenched in anger as she did her best to not cause a scene. And just as he was about to step outside of the cafe, he faced her once again. “Ena… I wish you luck in whatever endeavors you choose to pursue”

With the chime of the door, Yukihira was gone. Leaving Ena alone in the cafe, steeping in her anger and frustration. 

Fucking great. Yeah that’s what she needed. A visit, a random chance encounter with her old art teacher. And to make things better, he not only seemingly implied she hadn’t grown as an artist, he also said she was similar to her father? The fucking gall he had!

Seriously, her being like her father?! As fucking if! That’s just a total insult to her, there’s no way she was like him. She wasn’t nearly as rude, condescending and just outright mean as he was. Sure she could be rude and a bit of a bitch at times, but at least she’s still supportive of the people she cares about. Unlike some dick of a father. He always seemed like the calm type, hard to read. She was, admittedly, pretty hot headed, wearing her heart on her sleeve.

That’s not just where their differences end. She also wasn’t nearly as talented or good at art as he was either. He was able to make a living off of art, while she… she couldn’t. She couldn’t even find a way to keep a somewhat stable income off of her art. 

He could survive in this cruel world of art and competition. She couldn’t. He could keep himself afloat among all the other artists in the sea of the world, while she was helpless, drowning in that very sea. He was successful while she was a failure. He was worthy of calling himself an artist, while she wasn’t.

Yeah… they were nothing alike.

Chapter Text

A dim light was all that illuminated Ena’s surroundings. The faint yellow glow of the bulb was barely bright enough to make the room visible. But despite the lack of concrete detail, she was able to tell where she was. The oh so familiar studio that was based on the one she had in Sekai, one that she typically saw in her dreams.

It was a rare thing for her to know that she was in a dream from the get go. That usually didn’t happen too often, what with how detailed and borderline realistic they felt to her. Though, this didn’t seem like a lucid dreaming experience. Which sucked, it would’ve been great if she could control her dreams freely, much better than what she usually was stuck with.

While the dream studio was familiar to her, something was off. A key detail that didn’t feel right. It felt smaller, tighter, colder than she remembered it being. Perhaps it was because of the dim lighting, or the lack of the usual art equipment, something she just realized, but the place felt empty. As if the warmth and energy of the space was drained from it.

The walls which had paintings of memories hung on them were now bare and empty. The floor was no longer covered in splotches of paint and papers. And the lack of good lighting didn’t help with the overall eerie feeling that the space gave. 

Still, Ena decided to walk around, deeper into the studio space approaching the only door in the room. Was there only one door before, or did that change too? She couldn’t really remember that detail. 

With a hand on the knob, she expected the door to open. This was her dream, it makes sense for her to be able to freely do what she wanted, but that wasn’t the case. It wouldn’t open.

No matter how much she tried, the knob didn’t budge or move. Gripping the handle with all of her might, her hand just slipped and moved around the knob, as if there was no friction at all. Even struggling, shaking the handle and the door did nothing.

Why couldn’t she open the door? Why couldn’t she even get a grip on the handle? 

“How long are you going to struggle with that?” Ena’s own voice came from behind her. Well not exactly her own voice, but one that sounded almost exactly like her. Great… It was one of those type of dreams. 

“Shut up.” Ena said, keeping her attention on the door, not bothering to turn to the source of the voice. 

“Ooo, feisty today aren’t we?” The voice teased.

“Shouldn’t you know the answer to that? To both of your questions actually.”

“Mm, I guess you’re right. But you should just give up with the door-”

“Don’t tell-”

“-You know, like how you’ve given up on everything in your life.”

That caused Ena to immediately release the handle, quickly turning around to the voice. Her eyes now on the all too familiar younger version of herself. Who would’ve thought that seeing yourself could annoy you this much. And who would’ve thought that you could find yourself so damn annoying.

“Excuse me?” Ena narrowed her gaze at the girl.

“What? It’s true isn’t it?” The girl shrugged with an expression that made Ena’s blood start to boil a bit. That smug grin and condescending gaze. Despite sharing the same face as her highschool self, the girl had a very punchable face right now.

“No it’s not! When have I ever given up?” Ena took a stop forward, closer towards her younger self.

The girl didn’t flinch or falter. She just looked her in the eyes, unwavering. “Pretty recently actually. Remember, your art career? Didn’t you give up on that, abandon it?” 

“I… That’s…” Ena clenched her fist, unable to respond to her other self. There was no rebuttal available to her. It was the total truth, she wasn’t wrong at all.

“Well at least you seem to get that.”

“That’s different…”

“How is it different? And even if it was, that wouldn’t be the first time you quit art right? Your whole life has been full of you quitting no?” The girl paused for a moment before her eyes gained a devious and dangerous glint. “You even gave up on Mizuki at one point.”

Ena exploded, having reached way past her boiling point. “I didn’t! No I didn’t, how did I give up on her if she’s still with me today!?”

“You resigned yourself when she left didn’t you? When the going got hard. But you got lucky, crossing paths with her again.”

“Yeah and after that I made sure to not give up on her, to keep chasing, to keep her close!”

“You can’t rely on luck forever… It’s naive and childish to think so.” She shook her head, “What are you going to do when things get rough? When your luck runs out? Give up?”

“No, never! She’s too important to me!”

“Mm, art was important to you. Gave you meaning in life, right?  And you gave it up, twice. So who's to say you won’t give up on her?” A beat, “Honestly, don’t you think she deserves someone better? Someone who isn’t just a quitter?”

“You! I’m not some fucking quitter! I’m stubborn to a fault-”

“You and everyone else around believe you’re stubborn and hard to move but let’s be real, that’s not really the case is it? You’ve got a pattern already, you just have to look back and read it. You’ve given up on art, your little selfie account, singing and that music group. Honestly I don’t think someone with your record, your lack of drive, is enough to support someone as ambitious as Mizuki.”

Ena’s knuckles went white, nails even digging into her palms with how hard she clenched her fist. The urge to throw hands at an all time high. But what good would that do for her? To punch the dream reflection of herself, it wouldn’t do anything at all. Even if it did seem cathartic to do so, it wouldn’t accomplish anything.

“You know what, I don’t have to listen to your shit anymore. Fuck off.” Ena said, spinning around on her heels. Her attention returned to the door as she went for the handle again.

“Alright, go ahead. You can choose to ignore me, but deep down a part of you knows what I’m saying is true. If you do love her as much as you say you do… I think you’ll realize it too.”

Ena chose not to respond or say anything. She just kept her focus on the door, as she attempted to open it once more. Only to find that her hand couldn’t even get a grip on the handle.

“By the way, that door won’t open for you. That space is meant for artists. And, well, you’re not really an artist anymore are you?” A beat, “I guess that does raise the question. Who are you now? Being an artist was sort of your only thing right? Without that, what does that leave you as? Is it someone who's worthy enough to stand next to your beloved Mizuki? I’ll leave you to ponder the answer~” 

With that the voice from behind Ena seemed to fade away. The presence that she felt before was no longer there. Her other self’s words still on her mind, replaying in the quiet ambiance of the studio. It all left her with this frustration, annoyance, anger even. Along with a sinking feeling inside of Ena, an admission of guilt to what had been said. Those words in fact held some weight, even if she didn’t want to acknowledge the fact.

And that one final question that she was left with struck her in her core.

Who was she now?

—--

Ena’s eyes slowly opened, the sight of a slightly blurry and pink ceiling of Mizuki’s bedroom greeting her. No alarm sounded her awake today, it was her day off, something that she was grateful for. With a slight roll, she reached for her phone on the nightstand. The time read 1pm, which, surprisingly, was the latest she’s woken up since she started taking shifts at Weekend Garage.

She let the phone slip out of her hand onto the stand and rolled onto her back again, rubbing her eyes as she stared upwards. Seeing as it was already 1 in the afternoon, she really should get up and do something even if it was her day off. Though despite her late awakening, there was this heavy feeling of weariness throughout her whole body. As if her body was sapped of its energy, making the comforter on top of her feel heavier than it should’ve been.

For several minutes, she decided to stay wrapped in the comforter cocoon, reflecting on what she could remember of the dream she had that night. Ena’s dreams were always so vivid, feeling so detailed that it felt real no matter how fantastical or wild they were. From the sweet dreams to the nightmares and everything in between. And thanks to how vivid they were, she was always able to remember at least a portion of her dreams when she woke up.

Lately, for the last week or so, they seemed to lean towards the nightmare side of things. Not outright frightening or scary, but the type of dreams that left you emotionally drained and exhausted. Talking to that reflection of herself, the words that she said, those conversations, it was all so tiring. 

What’s even more fucked up about it was that it was all coming from her own brain. It was all sourced from somewhere in her psyche. That negativity… those feelings… did she truly believe it deep down?

No… no, no definitely not… Why would she believe all that shit? It’s just some stupid negative thoughts. Just remnants of her own issues and problems trying to take her down again a spiral of negativity. It wasn’t the truth at all.

But… really, looking at where she was now… who was she? What the hell was she now? Just another lost twenty something year old unsure of what to do with their life? As depressing as it sounded, that felt like the correct answer. 

Compared to everyone else she knew, she really did feel like a nobody. Just another person drifting and lost. She wasn’t some super star idol, popular performer, up and coming fashion designer, or musical savant. Nothing like that. Just unremarkable and plain, forgettable. 

Maybe that other self was right about her. Did she really deserve to be beside Mizuki? To be beside someone so wonderful, so full of drive and ambition. Could she be able to provide the support Mizuki needed to pursue her ambition? Or would she just be holding Mizuki down?

She lacked the talent to make a name for herself. And lacked the drive and tenacity to make up for that absence of talent. A thought, or maybe more a realization now, that kept popping up in Ena’s head.

Ahh, even after all these years, he was right about her… 

A ping sounded from her phone, snapping her back into reality. Checking her phone, the ping was a calendar notification for an event occurring tomorrow. That being Mizuki’s return from France.

Right, two weeks had already passed. Two weeks that went by without her really noticing the fact. Thinking about it, what had she done in that time? Besides working at Weekend Garage, nothing much really. Her days off were spent at home. Everyone was busy with their own lives, and she honestly was too tired and stuck in her head.

At least Mizuki was coming back… seeing her again would surely put her in a better mood.

Wait, shit she should probably clean up the apartment. Mizuki was a pretty tidy person, and honestly Ena didn’t really do much in maintaining that thanks to her rather dour mood lately. Sure the apartment wasn’t that messy, just some accumulation of dust and a bit of a messy pantry and fridge, but leaving it like that didn’t really settle right with Ena. It was the least she could do for her.

Ena finally forced herself up and out of that cocoon, throwing the comforter off of herself. Looks like she found what her day was going to be, cleaning. Hopefully that would also help her get out of her funk. Airi always said cleaning was a nice, relaxing and soothing thing to do. A good and productive way to get your mind off of things too.

Yeah, Ena needed something like that. Something to get her out of her head. Something to keep her from falling back into the chaotic storm of her mind. Something to keep her distracted from the one glaring thing she needed to do eventually.

But that could be done later… yeah she could tackle that another time. Cleaning up first took priority right now, making sure that Mizuki could relax after two weeks away.

Chapter Text

Those art classes with Yukihira Sensei were always the highlight of my day, even after a long day at school. If anything, that’s really all I thought about while at school. Head in the clouds thinking about picking up a pencil or a brush to keep practicing. Maybe that’s why my middle school grades weren’t exactly the best in the world…

But could you blame me? It was just so much fun just letting my hand take over, moving my pen or brush across the canvas. One moment I was staring at a blank and empty paper, then the next it’d have some sort of scene replacing that blankness. I loved the feeling of the material under my hand, the graphite, the paint, the charcoal. It was just satisfying, the whole process of creation, even if it was messy. You could just make and create whatever you wanted.

At least that’s what it was like at first. It went from something fun and silly you do whenever you want to something that you needed to improve on, to work on tirelessly. Not that I was against it, I didn’t really care about that change, afterall that’s what sets aside the hobbyist and those who wanted to make life out of it.

I knew which side of that line I fell on. So I had to improve. I had to put in all those hours of work into improving, because like me, there were numerous others out there striving for the same thing. It was a competition of who could improve the fastest. Who had the most skill. Who had the most talent.

Sure it was difficult. There were many times I got frustrated. Annoyed. Mad. But I still kept pushing through.

I thought I was making good progress. I thought that I was improving steadily, improving enough to remain competitive against my competition. I felt like I was in a good spot relative to everyone else. I thought that maybe I had a chance to make it as an artist.

But then I had my reality check. 

One day after my art class, after going through a bit of a block, struggling with the assignment Yukihira Sensei gave us, I had finally felt like I figured it out. I had an idea of how to finish the assignment. So of course the moment I got home, I went straight to work.  Funnily enough, even after spending hours on the piece, I don’t remember what it even was.

That afternoon, I basically locked myself away in my room to finish that piece. Mom even got a bit worried about how I refused to leave the room to grab a snack or something to drink, opting to just leave stuff at my door. But it was fine, I didn’t want anything to distract me or ruin the fleeting flow that I had just suddenly found.

Hours passed, ticking away, time that only felt like minutes to me. I guess that’s what happens when you get so absorbed into what you’re doing. It was thanks to that I was able to finish that assignment without going insane. And by pure coincidence and impeccable timing, after a couple minutes of cooling down from that art rush there was a knock at my door.

“Coming!”

Before I could get out of my chair to open the door, it had already opened. 

“Dad, why even knock you’re just going to open the door yourself?”

“Your mother said you were busy, so I knocked to see if you still were. You answered, so I assumed you weren’t.” 

“Still, rude.” I puffed my cheek as he stepped past the door frame.

His eyes looked around for a moment, before looking past me. His gaze on the table behind me. “Is that what you’ve been working on?”

“Oh yeah it is… Do you want to take a look?” I rolled my chair to the side, so he could get a better look at it. This was the first time in a while since I showed Dad any of my work in class, so I had hoped I could surprise him with my skills and improvement. I thought he’d definitely be proud of how hard I’ve been working.

But, instead of getting that spark of joy on his face or sense of pride in him, all I got was a cold, indifferent expression. His eyes locked on the piercing, dancing around the page. I could feel him dissecting it, tearing it apart, breaking it down to each and every mark I made. 

It felt like such an agonizingly slow process, time crawling at a snail’s pace as I waited for him to say something. Anything. The silence was maddening, even if it was for less than a minute. The pressure he exuded… I could never forget it. 

“So… what do you think?” I hesitated to ask.

He didn’t answer immediately, taking another moment before finally speaking.“Lacking…”

“H-huh?”

“It’s lacking some precision in the marks made. Some areas look a bit muddy. And the composition too is weak.”

“But… I thought that I…”

“You need to improve more. It’ll be difficult for you to get anywhere in art compared to those with talent.”

No words could leave my mouth, as if they were stuck in my throat. Partly due to shock, partly to not acknowledge what was said. I could only stare into my lap, unable to look him in the eye.

“Your mother is making dinner, it’ll be ready soon.” And with that he left the room, with nothing else said. His words still ringing and circling around in my head. 

Lack of talent huh… Yeah, looking back he was right. Especially now, the older I’ve gotten, that fact is even more apparent now. 

I was arrogant, thinking I was all that. Thinking I was so skilled. That I was special. My view of myself was so biased and skewed.

 Hell, I don’t think that changed either… I’m still all of that, deep down. That’s why I was struggling, suffering with reality for so long. Denying, fighting against the fact that I didn’t have the skill, hurting myself whilst doing so. 

What right did I have thinking I could make it?

—

An amusement park wasn’t exactly the environment that would help a headache nor exhaustion. A fact that Ena has now discovered first hand, as she found herself sitting on a phoenix themed bench. The loud and energetic buzz of Phoenix Wonderlands surrounded her, not really helping the ache assaulting her head.

Maybe turning down Mizuki’s invitation to the park was the better play in hindsight. But then again it was Mizuki. There was no way Ena could turn her down, especially with how Mizuki was away for weeks on a business trip and still busy even after getting back to Japan. In total, it was probably three weeks since they had a proper date or just time to spend together, so saying no to her? Yeah that didn’t feel possible to Ena.

But then again, this wasn’t really a date date. Mizuki was still on business, meeting with Emu for a potential collaboration between Yuuki’s clothing line and Phoenix Wonderlands. Mizuki just thought that once she had finished her meeting then she and Ena could spend the rest of the day at the park to relax and have fun. Which seemed great to Ena… well up until now. 

Whatever, she just had to survive and endure until Mizuki was done. Then she’d be able to have fun and relax with her. Something she desperately needed with how tired and exhausted she had been over the last couple of weeks. Surely spending time with Mizuki would help her finally recharge and get back even a sliver of energy. Because if not, then she wasn't sure what would ease her weariness.

What didn’t help was the noise for sure, adding to the already chaotic mess of her mind. Still stuck on her nightmares, which lately trended towards past memories, reliving moments of her past. Usually moments that she’d prefer she didn’t relive. It just only reminded her of her situation, her failure, and her subsequent decision. A decision she still hasn’t told anyone but Airi about.

It honestly felt like a bit of a betrayal, not telling Mizuki. Ironic even, considering everything that has happened between the two of them in the past. But no, this was different. She wasn’t telling Mizuki because she didn’t want to distract her from her job, her aspirations and efforts. She couldn’t be selfish on top of everything else she was and pull Mizuki away from the success she was striving for. 

But that didn’t stop it from eating away at her subconscious. 

Ena leaned her head back, eyes shut and let out a long sigh. A sigh of both exhaustion and frustration. Frustration at herself, built up over the long weeks and the piling thoughts in her mind. 

“Well, if it isn’t Shinonome Ena.” A voice called out to her, sly and mischievous in its tone. It was vaguely familiar.

She opened her eyes, lifting her head up to see a man, his purple hair tied in a way to keep most of it out of his face, which wore a slight grin. The familiarity made sense now, seeing at this was her former boss, friend of Mizuki’s and director of the park’s most popular performance troupe, Kamishiro Rui. 

“Oh, Kamishiro hi.”

“What’s with the formality, Ena? Wouldn’t you consider us good enough friends to be on a first name basis by now? Considering your relationship with Mizuki, a dear friend of mine?” He lightly teased.

“I’ll think about…” Ena said, with a sigh. She didn’t want to be rude, but honestly she wasn’t in the mood to deal with jokes and teasing right now.

“Ah…” There was a beat, “My apologies Ena, I’ve just been told by Mizuki that you were fun to tease… but I can see you’ve a lot on your mind.”

“That obvious?” 

“I pride myself on my observation skills and perception.” He said, tone changing to a slightly warmer one. “But I must admit, you seem quite exhausted.”

“Not wrong… dealing with a massive bitch of a headache right now.”

“I don't intend to be rude, but may I ask why you’re here then?”

“Was here with Mizuki, but she’s in a meeting with Emu. I’m just waiting for that to finish so we can hang out afterwards.”

“I see… Emu did mention something like that…” A beat of silence followed by a quick snap, “If that is the case, I happen to know a more quiet place that you can wait at, perhaps that’ll help remedy your headache.”

Ena thought for a moment, mulling the offer over. “That’d be great actually.”

“In that case Ena, follow me. Luckily, it isn’t too far away.” Rui flashed her another soft smile, before turning to lead the way.

—

“Are you sure this is ok, Kamishiro?”

“Yes it’s quite alright. Right now we are in between productions, so nobody is using this place. You have my permission as the troupe’s director, and I’m certain Emu wouldn’t mind either considering you two are friends as well.” Rui’s voice carried through the backstage area of the WonderStage.

Even if Rui said it was ok to casually enter and use the WonderStage and its connected buildings and utilities, Ena still felt more than a bit hesitant. Even with Rui reassuring her everything was fine, she couldn't help but feel a bit on edge.

For one this was basically trespassing. And two, using a place as grand as the WonderStage as a personal place to relax felt wrong too. 

“If it makes you feel better, Nene does this quite often when she’s here at the park. Retreating this backstage area to catch her breath and ‘recharge’ as she puts it.”

“Well, she works here. So it’s different.”

“As your former employer, I insist,” The director took a seat at a nearby table with a set of four recliners, gesturing to the other empty chair. “Think of it as one of the lasting benefits of working for the WonderStage. Take a seat.”

“Fine…” Ena sighed as she took a seat in the surprisingly comfortable recliner. Her body unconsciously slumping into the chair, making it evident to herself that, yeah she needed this bit of comfort. “Not a bad chair.”

“Yes, it was Emu’s pick. After shows, the four of us tend to spend some time playing board games, usually chess, after our shows to wind down.” Rui commented, “Care for a game?”

“Is that a joke?” Ena raised a brow.

“Apologies, I jest” He lightly chuckles, “I couldn’t resist.”

From the couple of conversations she had with him, she had an idea that he and Mizuki were a bit similar in terms of personality. And yeah, turns out that was a pretty spot on assessment, with how the two tend to tease and throw jokes around. 

For a while the two just sat there in silence, minutes passing by without much being said between them. Ena with her eyes closed, head thrown back, slumped and leaning into the recliner chair. Rui seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes occasionally drifting to Ena. 

“Ena, forgive me if this is rude or a bit nosy… but something is bothering you no?” Rui’s question finally broke the silence. “If you would like, I can at least listen to your worries.”

Ena opened her eyes to see Rui looking at her. His expression was softer than what he usually wore, something akin to that of a worried older sibling. And she hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. “I… I think I’m fine… it’s something I can handle myself.”

“I won’t deny nor contest that you could be fine on your own Ena, though I don’t recommend it. Speaking from personal experience, it’s much harder to do so…” The director says softly, “At least speak your mind to someone to lessen the burden on yourself.”

“It’s… not that simple Kamishiro…”

“That is true. Things are never as simple or easy as said. But still, you have people who you trust no? I’m certain you at least have one in Mizuki.”

“That’s…” She hesitates before stopping the rest of her words. 

Rui’s eyes narrow for a moment, before sighing. “I see… the issue involves Mizuki themself.

Ena’s eyes shoot up to Rui, slightly wider than usual, surprised that he was able to be right on the spot with that observation. Mizuki was right, he was scarily perceptive. “I… no… not really… kind of… I just don’t know how to tell her.”

“Why not? She trusts you and you trust her, no?

“Of course I do! It’s just… I don’t…” A beat, “Mizuki is amazing… She really is. Doing all of these things, managing a branch of her sister’s business, while also working on her own designs and making time for me. She’s got all these grand ambitions.”

“But I also know that means she’s so insanely busy,” Ena continued, “I just don’t want to weigh her down y’know? Add onto her worries. I mean, she already has so much to deal with to meet those ambitions. I don’t want to get in the way of her achieving her goals.”

“I’m sure Mizuki would want you to speak to them about your worries, Ena. They’d want to help, it’s in their nature. They’ll always want to help the people they care about, Ena.”

“No. She’d just be wasting her energy” Ena immediately rebutted, “Like I said, I’m fine. This is something I can deal with by myself.”

“Perhaps, have you considered that maybe, not telling Mizuki would do more harm to them than telling them?” He poised a question. “In my opinion, I believe dishonesty will bring about more strife than honesty.” 

That got Ena to stay quiet for a bit, unable to really say anything in response, reflecting on his words. He was honestly right. Dishonesty usually brought more pain and conflict. Hell she and Mizuki knew that very well from first hand experience how secrecy could bring about harm.

But despite that, she still couldn’t see herself telling Mizuki. Still unsure on how to do it. Or even if she should do it. Pile another thing on top of the evergrowing mountain of things Mizuki had to worry and think about. Another thing to juggle.

“I know that, Kamishiro. Trust me, I know what secrets and dishonesty can do… ” Ena says with a slight strain in her voice. 

At that moment, there was a chime that rang through the backstage area, drawing Rui’s attention to his phone. After taking a moment to check it, he stood up with a sigh.

“Apologies. It seems Emu needs me elsewhere, which means her meeting is done,” He says looking to Ena, still wearing that expression of slight worry and concern, “I hope you do not take any offense in what I’ve said today. I only mean to help. I cannot force you to do anything. But I will say, tell Mizuki. It’s better than keeping it to yourself. Consider this advice from a man with intimate experience of burdening everything on himself.”

Ena follows Rui with her eyes, watching him as he makes his way towards the exit until he disappears back into the park. He wasn’t wrong, she knew that for a fact. But despite that, she still couldn’t find it in herself to do what was the objective correct thing.

Honesty.

Then there was a ring coming from her phone this time, a text message. 

Idiot (Amia) <3: Heyyya Enanan~ Meeting’s all done here, let’s go meet up now!!!

—-

Underneath the shade of one of those bench umbrellas, Ena’s eyes were fixed on a familiar looking ferris wheel. Watching it slowly move the cars and its passengers inside around the ride’s circumference.  By now, some clouds had moved in to help hide away the sun, lessening the day’s brightness by just a tiny bit. Which helped remedy her lingering headache.

Even if it was a little later in the day, it was still peak operating times for the park. Groups of what she assumed were friends, families or the occasional couple passing by while she sat there, waiting for Mizuki to get back. The two had already been walking for a little bit, but in her current state, Ena needed a bit of break. Weariness and the damned headache getting the best of her now. And so, Mizuki, being the wonderful girlfriend she was, set out to get her some water at one of the nearby vending stands. Though… it was taking longer than she expected.

There was a bit of guilt harboring inside her, with how she just deviated their increasingly rare bonding time. Knowing Mizuki, she probably had a lot of ideas or plans for what to do for the rest of the day, like she normally did. But nope, all of that had to be postponed because Ena just wasn’t feeling all too great. 

And of course, another thing that didn’t exactly help how she was feeling right now was her conversation with Rui. That was still on her mind. Knowing that dishonesty was wrong, but being unable to come clean with everything. 

All of it just made for a pretty crummy day honestly, despite the increase in quality that Mizuki typically brought with her.

“Enanan~ I’m back!” Mizuki chimed, calling out to her. In her hand was a small plastic bag that she placed on the bench table. After a moment she pulled out a water bottle and what seemed to be a small packet of medicine. “Alright, I’ve got you some water and something to help with your headache.”

“Medicine?” Ena asked, taking the packet in her hand. “They sold this at one of those vending stands?”

“Uh, of course not Enanan. I got this at one of the gift stores that also had some first aid stuff.” Mizuki responded, opening the bottle's cap for Ena.

“Is that why you were so long? You went all the way to a gift store? You didn’t have to do that.” Yup, perfect partner material she was. 

“It’s not that long of a walk, so don’t worry about it.” Mizuki shrugged, before holding the bottle out towards her. “Now drink before I make you.”

“Yeah, yeah fine… thanks…” Ena says meekly, opening the medicine. A moment later, taking it along with a couple gulps of water. 

“You better finish all of it,” Mizuki eyed the still half full bottle.

“Eh? Why?”

“You could be dehydrated, would explain the headache. Wouldn't want you passing out on me and ruining this date.” There was a bit of a tease in her voice.

“Well, it might be too late for that…” Ena muttered under her breath, a pang of guilt running through her. 

“Hey don’t say that, I was just joking. As long as I’m with you no date can be ruined.”

“I’m sure you had plans on what you wanted to do with me. Like going on some rides and walking around the park.”

“I mean, yeah of course but-”

“But with how I am right now, I doubt I’d be fun to do that stuff with. I’m sure I’m just killing the vibe right?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time, I’m used to it. That’s just how you are sometimes Enanan~” Mizuki teased again.

Ena’s fists clenched a bit, body tensing up after that remark. And the playful and sly grin on Mizuki’s face quickly faded, noticing the other’s tightened body language.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, right, Ena…” She quickly added, tone noticeably softer than before. “Just teasing you and all that.”

Even though she knew that it was just a joke, the usual harmless for fun teasing Mizuki loved to throw at her, she couldn’t help but react like that. React in such an unusual way for her. Normally she’d just play along with it, play off of it. After all their relationship was effectively built off of that energy and dynamic, but right now… Ena just couldn’t find that energy in her. God just how much worse can she make this vibe get?

“Yeah… sorry, I know… just must be the headache. Guess it’s really throwing me off haha,” Ena weakly laughed, attempting to brush it off.

Though she did her best to make it seem like nothing, she could feel Mizuki’s eyes on her, studying her. Mizuki had always been a perceptive person, able to pick up on her friend’s general state and energy. And of course, she had been the one Mizuki probably could read the best.

A slight unease ran through Ena, the seconds passed with Mizuki’s gaze on her. Surely she was able to pick up on her currently conflicted state of mind, and that thought didn’t help it either. She didn’t want her to know… to worry Mizuki about herself. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling ok? We can just go home if you aren’t feeling that great.” 

The genuine care in her eyes caused Ena’s heart to ache a bit, knowing what her own response would be, “I’m fine Amia, I swear.”

“Ena… be honest.” This time, Mizuki’s tone was much more firm. Still caring and warm, but with an edge that she only got when dealing with serious matters. “Do you want to just go home and rest instead?”

“No, no, it’s ok. You’re always so busy, and we’re already here, might as well make the most of it, instead of wasting time at home right?” Ena said, doing her best to keep her energy up and normal. Though, her tone sounded flatter than usual. Evidence of her lack of energy. “So don’t worry about me and let’s have some fun.”

“It’s not wasting time. You know, if I’m with you, I’ll always enjoy my time. So really, I don’t mind leaving if you’re not feeling up to it. I’d rather do something that’d make you feel a bit better than not, even if it's rest.”

“Mizuki, trust me. I’ll be fine. I’m fine. I wouldn’t lie to you about that, ok?”

Those words, the dishonesty laced within them, were like a poison coating her tongue as they left her mouth. Leaving behind a bitter, disgusting, taste behind. She could only hope that it didn’t show much in her expression as Mizuki seemed to study them once again for another moment.

“Ok, if you say so Ena.” Mizuki finally said, doing a slight stretch as she stood from the bench, “Alright, well guess we can walk around. You feeling up to it?”

“Yeah,” Ena briefed a slight mental sigh of relief as she soon stood up too, “Go ahead and lead the way.”

And with a nod and thumbs up, Mizuki grabbed onto Ena’s hand, holding it tightly as she took a step ahead. The latter quickly began to follow, a step behind the former. Partially to let her lead the way, partially to keep her from analyzing her expression again.

 Either way it seemed like Mizuki bought what she said, good. Though, admittedly, she felt a bit bad about the situation, with the deceit that she’s decided to commit to. But no, it’s fine. 

Mizuki didn’t need to worry about her. She shouldn’t, with everything on her plate. To distract Mizuki, having her use her energy on Ena, it felt almost selfish. Burning that energy on someone like her, someone unremarkable. 

That in itself felt like a crime, one that ate away at her mind. 

Chapter Text

Mizuki found themself standing in a pretty spacious and nicely decorated hallway, admiring the area. As it turns out, apartment complexes could be really nice if designed correctly. Just from looking at the distance between doors, each apartment suite seemed pretty big, much bigger than what their own apartment was. Which, honestly wasn’t saying much, considering they just had a single bedroom and bath apartment, with a single room that acted as a kitchen and living room. Maybe, once they had the money, upgrading to a place like this would be the move.

But that was enough of that, they should probably just get on with what they were there to do. They walked down the hall, reading off the name plates next to the doors until coming across one that read “Momoi”, stopping in front of it. And after a moment, they pressed the ringer beside the nameplate.

“Um. Hello, Airi. This is Mizuki.” They spoke into the speaker.

A couple of minutes passed without a response, and some part of them worried that maybe this was the wrong Momoi, which would be a whole new level of embarrassment. That or maybe Airi was out, but seeing as this was around the time they had agreed to meet, and the fact that this was Airi, they doubted that was the case.

Then there was an audible click coming from the door, followed by the door swinging open. Behind the door was a woman with a wide grin, pink hair framing her face. 

“Heya Mizuki! Come in, come in!” Airi chimed, stepping aside for Mizuki to step in.

“Thanks. Sorry that this was sort of last minute,” Mizuki apologized as the idol closed the door, locking it behind them. The last minute nature of their meeting was a bit of an understatement, seeing as they only texted her that morning, barely even four hours ago.

“No worries no worries. I have a feeling it’s important, but before that take a seat.” She led Mizuki into the living room, gesturing to take a seat before she moved towards the kitchen. “Want any snacks or drinks? We’ve got plenty.”

“No, I’m ok but thanks.”

“Ok suit yourself, but if you change your mind let me know.” And a moment later, Airi returned to the living room holding two mugs and a kettle. “Got us tea anyways.”

“Oh, thanks." They said, watching as Airi poured into the cups.

“Mhm, gotta show some hospitality y’know? Otherwise Shizu would get mad if she found out I didn’t,” Airi said with a slight laugh.

“Really? I didn’t think she was a stickler for that type of thing.”

“Well, I mean. She doesn’t get mad, mad. More like… bummed out, I guess. She just likes being nice and thoughtful to people I guess. Real people pleaser that one is.”

“Sounds kinda like the opp-”

“The opposite of your girl? Yeah, tell me about it. She’s a real work of art ain’t she? Always resorting to violence and attitude.” Airi cut them off, tone oozing with a teasing sarcasm, finishing their joke for them. “I’m surprised you can deal with her tsundere-ness so well.

“It’s kind of fun messing with her actually, and it never really gets boring.” A beat, “Actually where is Shizuku right now?

“Oh, she’s probably stalking her little sister.” She gave them a casual shrug, as if what she said was normal. “Shiho’s got a gig at a live house filling in bass for some band. I was supposed to go with her, but then you texted me.”

“Ah… sorry about that… I didn’t mean to mess with your plans…” They meekly apologized. Guilt running over them now knowing the inconvenience they caused.

“Hey, hey don’t apologize. It’s fine.”

“Still, I feel bad making you miss your plans with Shizuku…”

“Girl, ok first of all. I see Shizuku all the fucking time, so I’m not missing out much there. Secondly, you’re dating my best friend who is basically my sister, which means by proxy, you are also basically my sister. Meaning, of course I’ll come running if you need me.” Airi said, with a firm but warm and caring tone. “So, what’s up? It’s something big and, or urgent right?”

“Sort of?” Mizuki paused for a breath before continuing, “I don’t know if it's just me being paranoid, or if there is actually something up, but it relates to Ena.”

“Oh…” 

“Yeah, which is why I went to you. She's way more honest with you than anyone else I can think of, including Akito, and right now… even me too.”

“Huh, what do you mean? If anything I think she trusts you more than me about some things, so I doubt that’s true.”

“Well I… I think something is up with Ena. I’m not sure what it is, but something is definitely bothering her. So I was wondering if you’ve noticed anything off about her lately?”

“Off? Like what do you mean?” Airi asked, with what felt like a slightly forced chuckle. 

“She’s been… More tired lately. Like low energy. She doesn’t seem to bounce off of my jokes, or even get excited over things she’d normally be excited, happy, or even annoyed at. She seems… muted, I guess is a way to explain it. It’s all just making me think that something happened with Ena while I was gone.”

Airi stayed silent, not making a sound. Only slightly shifting in her seat, with her eyes set on them. A completely unusual response for someone like Airi, staying completely quiet and subdued instead, as if forcing a non-reaction.

Yeah that was definitely enough to at least push Mizuki towards confirming their suspicion. “Judging from your reaction… I’m right, huh?”

The idol seemed to hesitate. Lips parted slightly for a moment before pursing together. Even her hands clenched together. “She’s right… you’re really sharp with these types of things…”

“Yeah… It’s something I picked up when I was a kid…” 

Airi dropped her head a little bit as she began to apologize. “Mizuki, I didn’t mean to be mean or to purposely hide stuff from you-”

“I know. It’s ok, Ena told you to not tell me anything about it right?” Mizuki responded, with as warm and understanding of a tone she could muster. “I get it… I understand how she must be thinking right now.”

“You’re right. She told me not to tell you… that she’d find the time to tell you herself. But I guess she hasn’t yet?”

Mizuki shook their head.

“That fucking dumbass.” Airi threw her head back. Fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, before muttering. “It's almost been two months…”

“Two months?”

“She told me about her… situation the week you left for that business trip to France. And she told me she’d tell you about it once you got back. But-”

“I’ve been back for almost two weeks now.” Mizuki finished her sentence.

“Yeah… that bitch, I swear. She’s just-”

“Avoiding telling me. Running…” The words left a familiar bitter taste in their mouth. An eerie sense of deja-vu ran over them. It was a similar situation to the one they had found themself in, but this time they were in on the other side. And that fact caused their heart to ache a bit, knowing the sort of torment Ena must be going through right now.

“Didn’t think she’d be like this. Dammit, I’m sorry, if I knew I would’ve gotten her to fucking commit or tell you-”

“No. No, it's fine. And don’t tell me anything. I’ll just talk to her about it. This conversation is already enough. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t misreading her.”

“I had a feeling that she wouldn’t tell you, I should’ve trusted my gut instead… but no I decided to just ignore and get to this point…” Airi stayed silent for a couple of moments. A slight grimace on her face, brows furrowed in frustration. She was clearly conflicted about the situation. “Some best friend move that was…”

“You just decided to listen to what she wanted. And I think that shows how good of a friend you are… If it were me I’d appreciate it a lot.”

The idol shook her head. “Whatever… what’s done is done. You’re gonna talk to her right?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan now.”

“That bitch is stubborn. She’s always tried to do things on her own, forcing herself to not ask for help or support. Like she’s trying to prove something. Even if it hurts her in doing so, she’d never admit it. So please, be there for her now… for me ok?” She said, finally meeting Mizuki’s eyes again. A soft smile on her face. Eyes filled with genuine worry.

“Of course. You can count on me, Airi.” They said, returning a determined smile and resolute will in their eyes.

—

Another day, another shift at Weekend Garage, which meant another tiring day. It wasn’t necessarily a bad shift, or a busy one at that. No annoying customers or insane orders today. She was just tired. Even when waking up she had little to no energy. 

The setting sun’s rays beating down on Ena as she walked past the parking area of the complex building where Mizuki’s apartment was. And from a glance she noticed Mizuki’s car, meaning she was home. She mentioned having a meeting for the day, so she wasn’t expecting her to be home yet. Which meant the meeting probably went shorter than usual, which could either be a good or bad thing. Hopefully good.

She made her way up the stairs, the lethargy becoming more evident with each step she took. Just a little bit longer and she’d be able to just collapse and hopefully relax. 

Though… would she even be able to? Lately, even Mizuki’s company wasn’t as refreshing or recharging as it used to be. She still felt a bit on edge, but that was of her own fault. She knew that. But still, it felt difficult, almost impossible to remedy it despite knowing what would solve the issue. Coming clean and being honest.

But no. Not yet… It’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. There’s no need to bother Mizuki with this… she can figure it out on her own. 

And with that, Ena found herself facing the apartment door. After fishing for her keys, she took a deep breath. Then opened the door.

“Hey Amia, I’m here.” She called out, stepping inside and closing the door behind her.

A couple of seconds passed before a familiar voice responded. “Welcome home Enanan~” 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here already. Thought your business meetings went on longer.” Ena said, as she began to take her cardigan off, placing it on the coat rack.

“Oh, that wasn’t a business meeting.” Mizuki said, stepping into Ena’s sight, wearing an apron with her hair tied up in a ponytail “I actually went to see Airi. Wanted to talk to her about something.”

Talk to Airi? That caused her to pause for a moment, “Oh. What was it about?”

There was a brief moment of silence that fell between the two. A slight unease filled Ena’s body, as she stared at Mizuki. Who seemed to look back at her with an expression that looked too innocent for it to be true. 

“Ahhh, I’ll tell you about it later. Come on, I’m just about finished cooking, so let’s eat first ok?” Mizuki said, turning to return to the kitchen. But there was something that kept triggering Ena’s alarm. 

“No, no it’s fine. I’m not that hungry.” Which was true, “So just tell me now.” 

“Enanan, so impatient!” Mizuki said with a playful whine, “I promise to tell you after we eat.”

“Why not now?” With each moment that passed, the unease in Ena’s stomach grew. A swirling, unsettling feeling. As if her gut was warning her something was up… If Mizuki had talked to Airi then did she-

“Enanan-”

“Mizuki.” Ena’s tone turned sharp and jagged with a new level of intensity. The tenseness in the air multiplied by the second.

Mizuki turned around, “Ena… can’t we just relax for a bit first?”

 “What did you and Airi talk about?”

“Fine…” Mizuki sighed, briefly shutting her eyes. Then upon opening them, they had a seriousness that didn’t help Ena’s unease. “Ena, something is bothering you lately right? What is it?”

Just like that, all of Ena’s suspicions were confirmed. The thing she had hoped wouldn’t have happened did. It was probably inevitable, Mizuki was way too sharp to not notice. But that didn’t mean it’d make it any less harder to actually tell her.

“I’m fine.” A lie.

“No you’re not Ena. You’re not fine.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Ever since I came back from France you’ve been… different. Less rowdy, less energetic, less… Ena. So there is obviously something up.”

“I’m just not used to working at the cafe. That’s all, it’s tiring y’know?”

“Ena, I’m not stupid. I’ve seen what you look like with less than three hours of sleep a day for weeks. And that’s not what this is.”

“Maybe you’re just wrong,” A dread began to linger in Ena, feeling, worrying about the direction the conversation seemed to be going.

“I know you too well to know that’s not true.” A beat, “Look, I’m just worried about you ok? So please just talk to me.”

“Just… don’t worry about it, ok?”

“No. I’m not taking that as an answer, Ena.”

“Too bad. Cause that’s the only one I’m going to give you.”

“Don’t be stubborn! Just talk to me.”

“Mizuki, listen to me. Don’t worry. Focus on yourself and the things you need to do. Not me” 

“Why would I not want to worry about you? You’re my girlfriend.”

“Because, you should focus on yourself, focus on your goals!” Ena’s voice rose.

“What?” 

“I’m saying focus on the important things Mizuki! Your work, your business, all of that stuff!” Ena’s tone continued to sharpen, “Not me and whatever I’m doing.”

Mizuki was quiet for a moment, her expression softening slightly. “Ena, you’re not making any sense… What is this really about?”

“I… why won’t you just listen to me?”

“Because I’m worried for you! I just want to help!”

“Help?...” Ena’s head drops, cutting the eye contact the two were managing to maintain despite the tense situation. Her fist clenched together, “If you want to help then stop.”

“Stop? What, caring?” Mizuki asked, clearly a bit confused. “You want me to stop caring? You know I can’t just do that!”

“Maybe you should try!”

“Ena, I really can’t ju-”

“Just stop this. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. So stop.” There was a waver in her voice. An unsteadiness brought upon by a surge of emotion that Ena couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“What… what’re you trying to say?”

“Stop being so fucking nosy!” Ena’s head shot up, eyes stained with tears. “I gave you space, didn't I? With you and your whole situation, even if it hurt me every second for years! Wondering what the hell happened to you! I decided to swallow down my own pain, choke on it, just because I didn’t want to hurt you!”

Mizuki kept quiet, seemingly stunned in the face of Ena’s sudden outburst. All she did was take a small step back, a look of shock on her face. All while Ena kept going, unable to stop the words that left her lips. The emotions that she had bottled up spilling out without any control or restraint.

“If I could suffer for years for the sake of your privacy, for your desire, can’t you do that for me?! Just listen to me, and fuck off with this! Leave me alone and give me space!” Ena’s mind was racing too much for her to even think about what she was saying anymore. Speaking only from sheer emotion and impulse, every bit of composure she had was gone. “Have you considered that maybe I just don’t want to talk?! That maybe this is something that only concerns me?! Everything doesn’t have to involve you! Or are you too fucking selfish to listen to me?!”

A heavy silence fell between the two women. The only sound was the ticking of a clock and Ena’s heavy breaths. The air between them was tense. Ena’s fist tightly clenched, knuckles turning white. Mizuki seemed unsteady, stunned, reeling back from the other’s lashing out. 

Time seemed to move at a snail’s pace, almost stopping completely. The ticking clock was the only thing grounding the concept of passing time. How long the two of them stared at each other, Ena couldn’t tell. Her mind was still moving too fast, lost in the heat and intensity of her emotions. Her frustration, her anger.. The sound of her pounding heartbeat, accompanied by a ringing, deafened her hearing. Even her vision was blurred in the heat of the moment.

“Ena…” That managed to cut through the deafening ringing and pounding in her head. Despite how quiet, and weak Mizuki’s voice was at that moment, it managed to reach her and settle her mind.

As her vision began to stabilize, Mizuki became clearer in her sight. And the look on her face, it felt like it stabbed Ena straight through her heart. The look of pain and hurt mixed with shock and disbelief was plastered on her face.

Ena’s eyes widened, realizing what she had just said. Her fists loosened, now trembling. A sickening sense of vertigo overcame her, and the pit in her stomach seemed to consume her. 

“I-I… Y-you don’t deserve this…” Ena muttered shakily.

And before anything else could be said or done, she quickly turned around, opening the door and rushing out of the apartment. 

Chapter Text

It was quiet, essentially silent. Darkness encompassed the apartment with none of the lights on, and the curtains drawn closed. As if there wasn’t a single sign of life or movement within the apartment. Save for the sound of shaky breath. It’s rhythm slow and deep, while still seeming unsteady, as if that person was desperately trying to catch their breath without much success. 

Leave me alone and give me space!... Or are you too fucking selfish to listen to me?!”

Those words kept replaying in her mind. Her own words.

Ena sharply inhaled at the thought, sitting on her bed, arms clenching her legs which curled up to her chest. It was almost a miracle how she managed to make it back to Akito’s apartment in her current state. Her chest aching, a sharp stabbing as if a blade had pierced her heart. And the world seemingly spinning around her.

All of which seemed to get worse with each passing minute… or second? The passage of time didn’t make sense to her at all. Her perception of the current moment mixing and blending with that memory. With how fresh and recent it was, and just how good her mind was at creating images, it was practically like she was reliving it. 

Her heartbeat, the sensation of the skin of her fingers pressing against each other and her palms. The muted, ringing in her ears. The movements of her eyes, the way her sight blurred. And the way her lips moved. All of it was just replaying her in mind so vividly. 

Did she mean it? Did she mean everything she said? Her actions? Was every emotion that surged through in that moment genuine? The pure frustration, anger, rage, hatred… was it all real? 

It had to be… It was just too overwhelming and powerful for it to not be genuine. But… was it all towards Mizuki? 

Ena’s fingers clenched, nails digging into her skin causing a slightly pained inhale. Like her body physically reacting to the idea that she had held any animosity towards Mizuki, and rejecting it. Instead choosing to inflict physical pain instead of entertaining the idea and causing psychological pain. 

No… no, it wasn’t towards Mizuki. That anger, hatred, disdain, it was at herself.

 The woman who, no matter how hard she tried, just couldn’t amount to anything. The woman who failed at every endeavor she attempted. The woman who lacked talent. Who lacked the drive and perseverance to continue despite it. The woman who couldn’t control her temper. The woman who pushed away and insulted the one she loved the most.

Shinonome Ena.

A sheer disgrace of an artist, sister, daughter, partner, even person. A person who had no value about themself. Who deserved nothing. Who didn’t deserve the surprisingly reliable brother she had. Who didn’t deserve the supportive best friend she had. And certainly someone who didn’t deserve the loving girlfriend that she had. 

The sharp aching and pulsing through her chest continued to build. While the stinging pain where her nails met skin also grew. Digging deeper and harder than she had ever thought she could, but not deep enough to draw blood. 

While the pain grew, she welcomed it. It was the only thing that had cut through her muddied senses. Pain was bright, sharp, lively compared to every other sensation she was feeling. It helped ground herself. Make her feel present and real, that she wasn’t just drifting away in a space of nothing. To center herself in the dizzying and swirling world that was her mind. That she was still alive and feeling. And ultimately, that none of this was a dream like she so desperately wished for it to be. That this was her reality now. 

This pain…  she welcomed it. It was penance. It was the price to pay. It was what she deserved. All of it, for the greatest, most irredeemable crime she committed. Theft. Stealing time away from such wonderful people. To steal away their worry, their time, their love. All of it wasted on someone like her. 

And her worst victim. Akiyama Mizuki. Someone so wonderful and caring, thoughtful and kind. All of her effort and energy wasted on someone as dreadful and worthless as herself. She didn’t deserve Mizuki… she never did… but yet somehow she managed to steal five months as her girlfriend. And looking back, years as one of her best friends.

Maybe… Mizuki leaving when she did back then. Abandoning her like that without any warning or word was for the best. Moving on and away from someone like herself.

Maybe… she should’ve never came back into her life. So that Mizuki wouldn’t ever have to waste her energy and effort on her. So that Mizuki wouldn’t have to deal with all of her issues, her anger, her words. 

She… she didn’t deserve that eruption earlier. She didn’t deserve a single bit of it… 

Ena knew that… and yet, despite that, being the worthless person she was, couldn’t even hold it back. She let her anger get the best of her, like she always did, and hurt her. She hurt her… she hurt Mizuki.

Her mind flashed back to that moment again. This time focusing on what her eyes had barely managed to process in the moment. A while at the time, she could barely get her eyes to focus, the image in her mind was so crystal clear. 

The way Mizuki looked… Her mouth slightly parted, as if she was trying to speak but choked on the words that couldn’t escape her throat. Eyes wide with a look that she hadn’t seen in them before, something akin to horror. A torrent of so many emotions that she couldn’t exactly parse out everything. But she could at least pinpoint the feeling of shock and pain. 

That mental image only brought Ena more grief. Gritting her teeth as the ache in her chest and the stinging where her nails met the skin on her arms grew.

A part of her wanted to desperately apologize for everything. Beg for forgiveness. Mizuki… she was so kind that surely she would forgive her… But did she even deserve that? With what she said. With how worthless she was. She knew the answer deep inside her.

No. No she didn’t

But still, the ugly selfish part of herself wanted it. She still wanted Mizuki, despite everything. Despite not deserving her, she wanted her. Even if she’d only drag Mizuki down. A conflict inside her, a war between the two sides, that added to her mental anguish.

If only she could kill that part of herself. That selfishness. The part of herself that, despite knowing it’d only hurt her more, still wanted more than what she deserved. Who wanted Mizuki, who wanted success, who wanted recognition, despite being little more than a nobody. 

In the end, she should resign herself to a fate of obscurity, or failure, of loneliness. So that nobody would have to deal with them again. Deal with her selfishness, anger, vulgarness.

If only she was a more refined, talented, and decent person. Someone like that idealized version of herself in her dreams, then maybe she wouldn’t be in a situation like this. Curled up by herself in her room, suffering because of her own actions and selfishness.

But that’s not who she was. That’s not the cards that life gave them. So all she could do now was play the cards she was given and deal with the results. Even if it was so unimaginably painful.

The darkness and silence continued to consume Ena, as she sat there, curled up on her bed. Her breathing acting as the only source of sound to stir the silence, still shaky and deep. But to Ena, the world was spinning around her. Her senses ignited with pain and heartache. Ears ringing. Cheeks wet, stained with tears that she didn’t even realize were leaking out of her eyes. 

When had she started crying? And for how long?

Then there was a click from her bedroom door, followed by the door creaking open. A minor amount of light spilling into her once pitch dark bedroom. 

Ena’s eyes darting up at the new source of stimulation, widening as she did. Though, she could barely process what was in front of her. Her senses were still overstimulated and adjusting, mind still spinning and racing. Still she managed to piece together a couple of words.

“W-why… are you… here…” The words barely managed to tumble out of her mouth. Only barely audible thanks to the silence of the room.

“You should already know the answer to that, Ena.”

Chapter Text

The moment felt frozen in time. Her mind was just racing at hundreds of miles an hour suddenly stopping. Even the air in her lungs seemed to freeze, as her breaths paused for a moment. A part of her wanted to run, to stand up and slam the door closed. Reject the reality that she was there. But her body was stunned, unable to move or react beyond tensing up.

The person’s figure and features were practically indistinguishable, thanks to the darkness of the room in front of them, and the light against their back. Even with her overwhelmed and failing senses that could barely register the voice, Ena knew who it was. And it made the pit in her stomach even worse.

Why… why… Why couldn’t she just leave her alone like she said? After everything she did, she said to her… Mizuki… she didn’t deserve any of it… deserve dealing with her… So why was she here?

“Leave…” Ena muttered.

“Ena… I can’t do that.” Mizuki moved past the door frame, stepping into the room. A bit more light spilled in as she moved inside. Her hand reaching out towards her.

“No…” Ena moved herself farther away from the door and where Mizuki stood. Pressing herself against the headrest of her bed, hugging her knees even closer to her chest. “Don’t come closer…”

Mizuki stopped, hand dropping, the expression on her face barely readable in the dim light. And for a moment she just stood there, looking at Ena. And Ena could only guess what was going through her mind. 

Surely she must’ve felt some sort of disdain towards her. With what she said, and how she acted. Even now, she must’ve looked like a pathetic mess. Someone who had failed so much, who had nothing of note to themself, no value. She for sure felt like it, being disgusted at herself. 

“You can say it… I’m a fucking mess huh?” Ena said with a shaky breath, barely perking her head up just enough for the other to see her eyes. Nails digging even harder into her knees. “Useless… horrible… disgusting…”

“Don’t… Don’t say that about yourself…”

“It’s true though… Look at me…” Ena dropped her head, burying it into her knees again. 

A couple of seconds of silence passed. Ena hoping, praying that Mizuki would just leave and let her sit in her own self hatred and loathing alone. And for a moment, she thought that she did, until she felt a hand on her shoulder. And something pressed against her head.

“I don’t see someone who is useless or horrible, Ena. I see someone who needs support, help.” Mizuki’s voice was a soft whisper, and soothing in a way. “I want to help you Ena… so please, let me. Talk to me”

“Why?” Was the only word that Ena could manage to croak out.

“Because, I’d follow you to the ends of earth, no matter what. I’ll always be here, next to you when you need me. Because I love you.”

Ena lifted her head from in between her knees, to see Mizuki sitting in front of her. Her expression was soft and warm, full of earnest feelings. With her lips slightly quivering Ena said, “How can you love someone as useless as me. A failure like me?”

“Why do you keep saying that?

“Because I-”

“What makes you say that? What is this all really about?”

“I’m quitting art.”

 There is a pause in the conversation. A tenseness falling over the room. The familiar silence filling the air, accompanied by the pair’s breathing and the ticking of a clock. The slight shock on Mizuki’s face juxtaposed Ena’s defeated and exhausted expression. The two just staring at each other.

“What?” Mizuki broke the silence. “Why? Art… that has always been your thing, your passion.”

“Sure… I love art… but I’m not like you, or Airi, or Kanade, or even Mafuyu. I’m not talented like you guys. There’s no way I could succeed like you guys can.”

“What’re you talking about? Ena, you’re an incredible artist. What you made for Yuuki’s designs, and even the WonderStage were amazing. Those were huge successes.”

“I was lucky…”

“Luck? No, that was skill.”

“Mizuki… those were the only two commissions I’ve gotten in the last three years.”

“Huh?” Mizuki’s expression still had a bit of shock and surprise in it.

“When we met again last year… I was basically broke… I had no commissions, no jobs, no source of stable income. I was a month removed from being homeless.” Ena paused for a second, the grip on her knees tightening, as she quickly relived that not so long ago period of her life. “I was lost… I didn’t know what to fucking do. How to make ends meet. Where to even go…”

“I…didn’t… I’m sorry I wasn’t here… that I couldn’t help…” Mizuki’s head dropped, her bangs obscuring her expression.

“Don’t apologize… I wouldn’t have deserved it anyways.” Ena muttered under breath.

“You have people around you that would’ve gladly helped you, you know that right Ena? Airi, Kanade, Mafuyu, An…” 

“I didn’t want to go to Airi, even though she would’ve gladly taken me in. I just didn’t want to burden her… she’s already had to deal with years of my shit. Same thing with Kanade, Mafuyu, An… even Akito. They had their lives all put together, while I didn’t. So why should they deal with my fucked up life and problems?” Ena let out a forced and dry chuckle.

“Is that why you didn’t say anything? About this… about what you were going through?”  A beat, “Why you won’t talk to me… because you think that you have to do this on your own?”

Ena didn’t say anything. Mizuki seemed to have got it. Seemed to understand why she couldn’t ask for help, to burden other people. Why she decided it was best, why it was the only option to deal with everything on her own. She had nothing else to say with that being the case. 

“Ena… I know how hard it is to take on things on your own. To isolate yourself. You think at first you’ll be fine, but as time goes on, that isolation begins to consume you slowly. One day you think you’re ok, and next thing you know, you’re stuck in unbearable pain. Drowning in it. Unable to find a way out.” Mizuki let out a shaky sigh, “I… I don’t want you to experience that too…”

“Maybe it’s only right after what I said…”

“What?”

“You don’t deserve me… You didn’t deserve any of what I said… You’re too kind to deserve any of it.”

“It’s ok, Ena. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But what if I did? What if some part of me deep down meant it?!” Ena finally unburied her head from in between her knees. Voice shaky and wavering, with an expression that made it seem that she was on the verge of tears. 

“It wouldn’t change the fact that I’d forgive you.” Mizuki responded, “Because you forgave me for something much worse… Abandoning you like I did. If anything, I feel like I don’t deserve you.”

Mizuki continued, “I’ve always thought you were so kind… so thoughtful and selfless despite how hard headed and rude you can come off as. Even back in high school… You always fused over me, Kanade, and Mafuyu even if you never admitted it. And that opinion of you has only been solidified. With you accepting me after everything I did to you… all the pain and hurt I’ve caused you. And now, you decide to struggle alone because you don't want to affect or bother others.”

“That’s the Shinonome Ena I know and fell in love with. The fiery and passionate but ultimately thoughtful and selfless to a fault Ena.” Mizuki gave her a soft smile, with her eyes turning slightly misty.

That left Ena speechless, unsure of what to say in response.  She could only stare at Mizuki’s soft, bittersweet and melancholic smile. A part of her in utter disbelief in what she said. Was Mizuki sure she was talking about her, because that wasn’t the Ena that Ena believed she was at all.

She was rude, and vulgar. Someone who had no ounce of talent. Someone without drive or direction. Someone who had failed time after time again, ultimately giving up in the end. A person of no value. That was the Shinonome Ena she believed she was.

“You’re wrong about me. I’m none of those things. I’m just a failure, a nobody, useless and worthless.” Ena spat out in frustration. “I’m just someone who takes advantage of the kindness around me, stealing what I can from everyone around. Taking advantage of Emu and Yuuki’s kindness for a commission. Akito for a place to stay. And… you... stealing your love and affection that could’ve been for someone better than me.”

“You’re not stealing or taking advantage of anything Ena. That was because we all genuinely care about you.”

“Then you’re wrong to place that care in me!” Ena retaliated, “You should put in someone better. You deserve better. You’re so incredible, talented, kind… and you deserve someone like that too.”

“You keep saying you don’t deserve me, and I don’t deserve you. But a couple of months ago, I was told that it isn’t about what we deserve or think we deserve. What’s important is what we want.” Mizuki reached for Ena’s hands, talking them into hers. “And you should know, I’m selfish to a fault, so I’ll be taking and doing what I want. Even if you’ll try and stop me.”

“I’ll keep saying it again and again until you get it. No matter how rude or mean or vulgar or useless you think you are, I will love you all the same.” Mizuki continued, “No one is perfect. Everyone has their bad parts, I know I do for sure. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a part of us. I love you, every part, the good and the bad, because that’s what makes you Shinonome Ena, the woman that I love with all of my heart.”

“Mizuki…” Ena’s eyes meet Mizuki’s once again as a mixture of emotions began to bubble up inside her. A warm aching feeling in her chest, different from the cold piercing pain and void she felt in her chest earlier. Unsure of what it was exactly, but Ena could feel tears begin to build up.

“I promise, I’ll be by your side no matter what because it’s what I want. I’ll be here waiting and willing to give you help whenever you need it.” Mizuki said with an earnest conviction, one that Ena knew she meant every word. “So lean on me Ena.”

“You’re so unfair, Mizuki…” Ena sniffled as a couple of tears began to fall from her cheeks.

“I’ve been told that a lot. But do you finally get it? I won’t stop supporting you no matter what, because that’s what I want.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry… for this… for everything…”

“It’s ok Ena,” Mizuki moved in closer to give her a tight hug. One that caused Ena’s body and tenseness to melt in her grasp. Her touch was so soothing and relaxing, almost euphoric in a way. Something that Ena could be in forever. After a couple of minutes, Mizuki pulled away, wiping away the wetness from Ena’s cheeks. “So, do you want to talk about it now or later?”

“I…” Ena took a moment to stop her sniffing and to recompose her mind, gathering her thoughts and emotions together. And she found that she was honestly fucking exhausted. A bit of both physical and emotional exhaustion, which considering what she went through in the last couple of hours made sense. “I think I just want to rest for now…”

“Of course, sure, no problem. I’ll let you rest” Mizuki gave her a smile before she moved to get up from the bed. Though as she tried to move, Ena grabbed onto her sleeve, stopping her in her tracks. “Ena?”

“Stay…” Ena said quietly.

“Are you sure?”

“I… I don’t want to be alone right now…” She said she tugged at the other’s sleeve again.

“We’re being a little needy now huh?”

“Yeah…” Ena nodded.

Mizuki let out a slight chuckle and sighed, “Well, what sort of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t listen to such a needy request. Ok scoot over.”

And Ena did just that, adjusting herself on the bed and allowing Mizuki to climb back. Letting herself fall back into Mizuki’s arms. The feeling of her warmth and breath against her was relaxing. She could even feel the rhythmic beating of Mizuki’s heart, something that was oddly soothing. 

The weight in her stomach seeming a bit lighter now.. The force constricting her chest, that tightness that seemed to threaten to strangle and suffocate her had also begun to disappear gradually. Her mind, too, was steadying a bit now too. 

"I love you Mizuki"

"I love you too Ena."

And for the first time in months, Ena felt a little at peace.

Chapter Text

It took a moment of tossing and turning, but Ena finally opened her eyes only to be blasted in the face by a ray of sunlight. Annoying, but not the worst morning, maybe afternoon, she’s woken up to recently. Putting a hand up to shield her eyes, she began to sit up in the bed, feeling much more well rested than she was used to in the past month. 

The memories of the previous night flashing through her mind, the whole rollercoaster of emotions she had gone through, like snapshots. From the strife she had caused between her and Mizuki. The pain and disgust she felt at herself. The gratitude, warmth, and affection she felt towards Mizuki when she chased after her, and everything that happened afterwards. Last night almost didn’t feel real to her.

She looked around the room, looking for any bit of evidence that it wasn’t just some sort of cruel dream that her mind had conjured up to torture herself. And thankfully, she did find some things. A familiar periwinkle ribbon that usually tied up strands of pink hair sat on her nightstand. On the floor were a couple of clothes scattered around, some of which Ena recognized as her own and while others belonged to a certain idiot.

Good to know that her mind wasn’t that evil.

Ena grabbed her phone that sat beside that familiar ribbon. Checking the time, it read 12:24 in the afternoon. Which wasn’t unusual for her at all, and probably also explained why she was alone in bed when she woke up. Mizuki was more of an early riser than her for sure. Well either way, noon was probably a good time to get out of bed. 

After getting dressed, she opened her bedroom door, pausing for a moment as a sweet smell that she’d recognize anywhere hit her nose. And she stepped out into the kitchen to confirm her suspicions. Goddamit… She seriously was too good for her. 

Ena was greeted by the sight of Mizuki at the stove, spatula in hand. Her hair let down, which reminded Ena she had longer hair than herself. And after a second, she turned to face her with a wide smile.

“Well, afternoon Enanan~ Look who decided to finally wake up,” She teased, as she flipped a pancake. “Lucky you, if you weren’t going to be up in time then I would’ve eaten all of these myself~”

“Oh… well-  um…thanks…” Ena said somewhat stumbling over her words, with the events of the previous day on her mind. Still mulling over everything, she took a seat at the counter. “So… how long have you been up for?”

“Mmm, maybe an hour?” Mizuki shrugged as she turned to the stove, “I didn’t want to wake you, so I decided to chill out here. Also did some dusting too, before cooking.”

“Oh ok… thanks I needed the sleep.”

“Mhm, of course. We didn’t sleep until pretty late anyways, so I figured.”

“Yeah, right…” Ena responded softly, in a way where her voice petered out at the end.

Mizuki flipped one final pancake onto a small stack before shutting off the stove. And then turned to face her.

 “Ok what’s up Ena? You’re acting a little weird. Is it the clothes?” Ena took a double take at Mizuki, which caused Ena to finally realize that those were her own. “Sorry, I didn’t bring a change of clothes with me… actually I’m kinda lucky you like to wear oversized stuff sometimes, otherwise I’m not sure if I’d have a top to wear right now haha.”

“Huh, what? No, no… it’s not that…” Ena’s eyes shift to the side, her face going slightly red, “I’m talking about last night.”

“Ah…” Mizuki seemed to pause for a moment.

“I just want to make sure… that you’re fine with everything, and that I didn’t… push you to do anything.” Ena said, still not looking at Mizuki. “Y’know, because of boundaries and your-

“Ena, were you ok with it?” Mizuki interrupted her rambling.

“I… yeah, of course.” She could feel her face turning a bit warmer.

“Then I’m fine with it. I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to, ok? If anything, I was a little worried you weren’t.” Mizuki gave her a soft smile as she placed the plate of pancakes onto the counter in front of the both of them. “Anyways, now that consent has been confirmed once again, pancakes.”

“Why do you always have to make a joke of everything?” Ena rolled her eyes.

“How dare you think I’d take something that important as a joke? I’ll have you know, I’m quite the serious business woman who rarely jokes around, Ena.” Mizuki said with an over the top sharpness.

“Mhm, sure, whatever you say Amia.” Ena swallowed a mouthful of pancake.

“On another topic,” Mizuki says, setting two cups of water for them, “Do you want to talk about the other stuff? Or too soon?”

“Oh it’s fine. I just… have to think on how to even start…” She says before taking a sip of water and clearing her throat. Her eyes closed for a moment, followed by a deep breath and a sight. “Like I said… I’m quitting art. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now actually. And given the current circumstances, I think that now’s probably a good time.

Mizuki nods her head, intently listening to her, as Ena continues. 

“I’ve never been successful as an artist really. Yuuki and Emu were the only two commissions I’ve gotten in years, both of which I’ve gotten through relationships, not from my own skill. I think… I just don’t have the skill and talent to do this full time. Not especially with my current financial situation…”

“Ena, you know that Airi, Rui, Emu, and Yuuki would gladly commission you if you're worriedn about work.” Mizuki said softly.

“Yeah, I know. But that’s not the whole issue. I’m not even sure if commissions are what I want to do as an artist. Like they were fun to do, don’t me wrong but…” Ena let out a sigh, “But I don’t feel satisfied with commissions.”

Ena leaned back a bit, enough to be able to look up at the ceiling. “I’ve been wondering what and why I make art. Why I’m an artist. Who I am as an artist. Some people are artists to make designs, to work for a company, being told what to make, and they’re happy with that. But me… that’s not the case. I’m selfish. I make art that I want to make… which is why I don’t think commissions are for me.”

“I don’t think that makes you selfish, Ena. Most artists make what they want to make.” Mizuki replies, “I mean, I make designs I want to make for myself. Yuuki does too. Kanade composes songs she wants to create. Rui writes the plays he wants to direct. Nene and Tsukasa only take roles they want to take. All creatives do that.”

“The difference is, you all are talented enough for people to want what you want to make, to want and enjoy your vision.” Ena righted herself, and looked into the other’s eyes. “Me… that hasn’t been the case so far. I’ve never been successful when making what I want to make. And honestly… it’s draining to know that, to see that. It sucks, it hurts, to have something that you put a piece of yourself into just be overlooked and ignored. It’s like I’m being slapped in the face every time it happens, being indirectly told I’m not talented enough. I’m… I’m just tired of it, Mizuki”

“Ena…”

“So I’ve decided that I should just move on, instead of constantly struggling and failing. I should move to a more stable job, a more stable path, so I can also support you too and your own endeavors.”

“Ena… I appreciate the thought, but… are you sure?”

Ena nodded, “Yeah. I was just… I didn’t know how to tell you honestly. I didn’t want to stress you out or make you worried. So I just sort of, kept it to myself. Until… well you saw… yeah… sorry…”

Mizuki shook her head, “No, don't apologize, Ena. I’m just happy you told me about this.”

Ena slumped back in her chair, “So yeah. That’s that. I just gotta figure out what’s next for me now.”

“Right…” Mizuki took a bite of a pancake, her eyes seemingly spacing out, lost in thought for a couple of seconds. Her face turning a little tense, with her brow furrowing a bit.

“What is it?” Ena asked.

“I’m just… wondering if you’re ok with this. Like, are you sure you won’t have any regrets?” Mizuki said, meeting her eyes.

“I think…” The response she gave honestly wasn’t a confident one. And it showed in her tone of voice. Seeing as how conflicted she had been over the last several weeks, it was a difficult thing to answer. But no, she’s been sitting on this for months, and her decision was made.

“And that’s a no.” Mizuki says with a knowing smirk.

“What makes you say that?” Ena raised a brow.

“I know you too well Ena,” There was a smugness in her expression that continued to grow. “You even said it yourself, you’re not satisfied with commissions, which is all you’ve done recently right? So I doubt you’d want that to be your final work as an artist right?”

Ena opened her mouth to speak only to stop for a moment. Shit… Mizuki was right. Knowing herself, she’d feel a bit of regret or at least dissatisfaction with her last public piece being something that wasn't completely original and of her own idea. 

“I’m right huh?” Mizuki teased.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Hehe, knew it~” She took another bite. “So why don’t you make a final piece? One that you have complete and total control of. Y’know make anything you want, and don’t think about what others may think of it. A final piece, solely for you.”

“Not a bad idea, Amia.” Ena sat there, thinking about the idea. Slightly nodding to herself as she mulled over it. It certainly was an intriguing idea, making what was effectively a final farewell piece. “I’ll think about it… thanks for the idea.”

“Mhm of course! Glad I can be of help!” She exclaimed.

Ena’s focus turned away from the past, to the pancakes in front of her. Which were all incredible as usual, Mizuki has practically mastered the Shinonome family recipe at this point. Perfect balance of sweetness, citrus and cinnamon. “You’re really getting good at these.”

“Thanks~” Mizuki chimed, “I’m just lucky this place had the ingredients. I was a little worried that since you’ve been going between here and my place, there wouldn’t be too many groceries and ingredients here. And I didn’t really want to go grocery shopping in your clothes.”

“I make sure there’s enough for pancakes at least.” Ena says followed by a bite. Then a thought popped up in her mind, “Wait… now that I think about it. How did you get inside last night? I’m sure I locked the door.”

“Oh. Akito gave me a spare key before he left for America.” She replied casually.

“Wait, I'm sorry, Akito gave you a key?” To say Ena was shocked was a bit of an understatement. Especially considering how Akito seemed to still not trust Mizuki, which, considering everything that happened in the past with her leaving so suddenly and the aftermath, she didn’t blame him. “Not from Toya?”

“Nope~ Got it straight from Akito himself.” 

“What, did you threaten him or blackmail him? 

“Nope, nothing like that. No foul play involved. He’s the one that went up to me about,” Mizuki shrugs. “What can I say, maybe I’ve gained his trust?”

“I fucking doubt it.”

“You think I can call him lil’bro again like old times?”

“I think he’d kill you afterwards.”

—

Later that evening. Ena found herself in the hallway of a pretty fancy apartment complex. Her feet tapped away at the floor right in front of the door, waiting for a response of any kind. Surely, she’d be home right? As far as Ena knew, they didn’t have any shows, appearances or shoots that would muddy up the schedule with evening practices. And she wasn’t one for evening night life either.

Once again, she pressed the ringer that sat next to a name plate that read “Momoi”, praying that she’d get some sort of response this time. And after a couple more minutes of waiting there was finally a click from the door, which then slightly opened.

“Oh hello Ena, how are you doing?” A slightly light and airy voice came from the door, the complete opposite of what Ena was expecting to hear. Instead of the fiery pink haired idol she was expecting, she was greeted by a taller silver haired woman instead, Hinomori Shizuku. Also known as Airi’s girlfriend.

“Oh, Shizuku, It’s been a while. I’m doing well. How about you?” She replied, shaking off the bit of surprise she had.

“I’m doing fine too. What can I help you with?” The idol asked.

“I was wondering if Airi was home, I need to talk to her.”

“I see… Well she’s been in a pretty bad mood lately an-,” She then paused, turning her head for a moment. “Sorry, give me a moment.” 

And just like that the door was shut. Leaving Ena to stand there even more confused. A couple of minutes passed by before the door was opened again, with Shizuku appearing behind the opening of the door.

“Sorry Ena, Airi said, ‘I don’t want to talk to that bitchass lying cunt, she can go fuck herself’” Shizuku recited that last part with a surprisingly good Airi impression. But Ena also found it weird to hear Shizuku curse in such a casual, and Airi-like, manner but that was besides the point. “So I don’t think it's a good idea to talk to her right now.”

“Yeah… ” She wasn’t too surprised to hear Airi was upset. Especially given the situation, but still that was all the more reason she needed to talk to her. “She’s probably upset because of me, sorry. But I think if I talk to her, her mood will get a bit better. Probably.”

“You think?” Shizuku questions and puts a finger to her chin for a moment, seemingly thinking. “Ok. I’ll believe you can make her a little less upset, you’re her best friend afterall. Come inside.”

Shizuku fully opened the door and stepped aside for Ena.

“Thanks,” Ena stepped inside as the idol shut the door behind them.

“I’ll go prepare some tea, so make yourself at home. Airi is in the living room,” Shizuku said, as she passed by Ena on the way to the kitchen. 

With a nod, Ena made her down the familiar hallway to where it split into two different open rooms. On the left, the kitchen where Shizuku went. And on the right, the living room area where she saw an Airi who was watching TV, curled up hugging a pillow.

“Heya, Airi.” Ena gave a slight wave as she stepped into the room.

Airi’s eyes darted over to her, a scowl quickly forming on her face. “Oh come the fuck on, are you shitting me right now. I thought you fucking loved me Shizu!”

Moments later Shizuku appeared, holding a tray with a kettle and two cups, “I do, Airi.”

“Then why’d you let this bitch in?”

“Because, I think it’s better for you to talk.” She says with a soft smile, setting the tray on the coffee table. “I’ll leave you two alone for now.”

“Thanks Shizuku,” Ena says, taking a seat.

“Great nothing stopping me from beating this motherfucker upside the head.” Airi growled.

“I know you won’t do that,” The silver haired idol said with a slight chuckle before exiting the room.

There was a bit of an awkward tension between the two. Neither women were talking, and the sound of whatever soap opera Airi was watching filled the air. Airi just glaring at Ena, clearly frustrated and upset at her.

“So… Airi-”

"What’s stopping me from shoving my entire foot up your ass right now?” The idol immediately spat out, cutting Ena off.

“So you are pretty upset about-”

“You know, Mizuki showed up yesterday. I ran cover for you as best as I could, only to find out you just couldn’t fucking commit. You’re fucking lucky she’s sharp.”

“Yeah, I know…” Ena sighed.

“Two fucking months Ena. You said it two months ago that you’d tell her. And I believed you.”

“I know I know, I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t know how to tell her and-”

“Oh that’s not why I’m pissed, Ena. I’m fucking livid that you didn’t tell me. Tell me that you were still struggling. I found out because Mizuki noticed and was worried. "Airi spoke over her again." You just kept it all to yourself. Again. You always fucking do that, Ena.”

“That’s what you’re mad about?” She was actually a little surprised that was the reason. She went in expecting to be upset about the whole situation with Mizuki specifically, not this.

“Of fucking course I am!” Airi threw the pillow off to the side, still keeping it on the couch. “You never, I mean never, talk to me Ena.”

“I do, of course I do, I mean I told you about Mizu-”

“No, that's not what I mean. Let me fucking finish,” Airi sat up, her expression not softening in the slightest. “You never talk to me about this shit, until its almost too fucking late. Until you’re already on the brink of losing it. Even back then in middle school and high school.”

“The only reason why I found out about your problems with your dad, was because I got worried when you went MIA for weeks out of nowhere. Same thing with you were debating quitting art back then! Mizuki leaving? You struggling in uni? Even moving back here to Tokyo and your money issues. And now this! Guess what, same fucking thing, I reached out to you. It was always me Ena, me reaching out to you! You never talk to me about this shit…” Airi continued, her fist clenched. “That’s why, last year, when you went to me first about Mizuki again… I thought maybe you learned to finally lean on me with anything.”

Airi paused for a moment, her breaths a little heavy. “I… I really thought that you finally understood that you don’t need to do everything yourself… that I’m always here to listen and help when you need it… but I guess I was wrong. You didn’t learn shit. I love you to death, but fuck… that’s the one thing I hate about you.”

Ena couldn’t find anything to say, stunned at what Airi was saying. Seeing this side of Airi… it was something she wasn’t used to seeing at all.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate reaching out to you. It’s not annoying or a chore or anything…” Airi continued, “It’s just… it makes me worry. Worry that maybe one day when I reach out, I won’t get a response. That I’m too late, and you had already collapsed underneath everything that was weighing on your shoulders. That your stubbornness to bottle everything up, and deal with it yourself, will lead to your end. And… and if that ever happens, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

“Airi…” That was the only thing Ena could manage to choke out.

“You helped me so much back then…” Airi’s voice lost the edge and rage it had moments ago. Instead it was now a bit shaky, as if she was fighting back tears. Her head dropped, obscuring her expression, stopping Ena from confirming if there were any tears. “Sticking up for me when those kids were making fun of me for showing up on variety shows. Supporting my decision to back away from the idol industry. And supported it when I turned hypocrite and helped Minori start MMJ. You were always there to support me… and I just wanted to do the same for you too… but you just won’t let me.”

Ena’s eyes drifted away from the idol, turning downwards. Seeing the normally chipper and fiery Airi like this, she found herself at a loss of words, unsure of what to say. Sure in their many years of friendship, she’s seen Airi at her lows and her worst, but this hurt her more to see than any other time in the past. Probably because she was the main cause of this.

“I… I’m sorry… I didn’t know that’s what you were thinking…” Ena said softly with an ache in her chest, “I didn’t know that’s how you felt… I didn’t know I was hurting you like that…”

“Well, now you know.” Airi said, lifting her head up. Tears welling up in her eyes, gently dripping down her cheeks. 

“I’ve always been so appreciative of you Airi… And honestly, yeah, you’ve probably saved my life a couple of times. Stopped me from doing something that I’d regret. And dealing with my shit and attitude and issues.” Ena kept her eyes from meeting Airi’s, “I just didn’t want to overwhelm you or push too much onto you. You’re busy as is, with a lot of stuff to deal with… I didn’t want to add to it.”

“Motherfucker, have I not made it clear to your dumbass?! I don’t give shit how busy I am or you think I am, I am more than fucking willing to drop whatever it is to be there for you!” Airi yelled back, “So you better it through your thick ass fuck skull.”

“Yeah…” Ena finally met the idol’s eyes. “It might not mean a lot but… I’ll try to change. To lean on everyone around me. To stop making you worry so much…”

“Last time you said that, you fucking lied.” Airi bit back.

“I know… but if it changes anything. I talked to Mizuki about everything I was struggling with.”

“I guess… that’s a small step…”

“So, Airi… do you forgive me?”

“Fuck you, you bitchass cunt.” Airi wiped away her tears. “You know I can’t stay mad at you forever.”

“I guess that’s a relief.”

“One condition, don’t do this shit again. Or at least, try not to. Talk to Mizuki, anyone, it doesn’t have to be me. If not, I'm cancelling my ride or die agreement with you and you’ll lose your exclusive bestie plus status.”

“I’ll do my best…” A slight smile appeared on Ena's face, seeing that Airi was now in a slightly better mood to make a slight like that. “Though honestly, there are some things in the bestie plus status I think I could go without, like getting information about your more… intimate life.”

“Sorry, it comes with the package.” Airi grinned back. “So, you talked to Mizuki?”

“Yeah… but at first I said some pretty mean things to her… My frustration just boiled over.” Ena sighed, shaking her head at the memory, “But she forgave me, and I told her everything. She understood it, and said she’d support me no matter what I decide to do.”

“I fucking told you so.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know whatever. What matters is we made up in the end, and things between us are good again..”

“Good. When Mizuki showed up here yesterday, I was really worried that you might fumble the bag on this one.” Airi said, reaching to grab the pillow on the couch. “Mizuki’s a real catch, cute, amazing personality and humor, insane work ethic, it would've been a real shame to lose her. Real wife material she is.”

“Why the fuck are you talking about my girlfriend like that?” Ena asked with a raised brow. “You have your own girlfriend, so gush about her instead of mine.”

“Hey, I’m just saying it as I see it. Mizuki is great.” Airi shrugged, “You know, we’ve been like best friends for a really long time an-”

“Airi I swear to fuck if you finish that sentence and you’re taking it where I think you’re going to I’m punching you in the face.” Ena deadpanned.

“Kidding, kidding. No need to get so defensive. We both know I’m practically glued by the hip with Shizu.” Airi raised her hands as if to surrender. “I’m a loyal and honest girl.”

“Yeah, sure.” Ena’s words were laced in heavy doubt.

“But anyways, you said you made up with Mizuki yeah? I bet that was a good time huh~” Airi teased with a devilish grin.

“H-huh, well… I mean…” Ena’s face went a bit red.

“Don’t worry I was joking, god why do you always take everything so seriously…” Airi’s voice drifted off before her eyes widened a bit, “WAIT no no, back up with that reaction. Ohh that means you two define-”

“Shut up, I'm not gonna talk about this with you!!”

Chapter Text

It’d been a long time since Ena had smelled that all too familiar odor. The fumes of oil paints and mediums filled her nose. A scent that she had grown so used to over her many years of life painting. A scent that would probably cause most to cough or turn their head away, but to Ena it was almost like breathing natural air. Which admittedly probably said a lot about herself and likely wasn’t healthy at all, but that’s what life as a painter was like. 

Taking in the breaths of paint fumes was oddly calming, the familiarity comforting in a way. It helped her focus on the blank white canvas in front of her, and the current task at hand; figuring out what hell she was going to paint now. 

Sure Ena agreed with Mizuki’s proposal, making a final painting of some sort as a last send off to her status as an artist, since it sounded like a good idea. And in her mind, she felt that it wouldn’t be that difficult, but she was quickly reminded how fucking hard it was to concieve of something to paint from scratch. Before she knew it she had already spent about two hours in the Sekai, sitting in her personal room/art studio, staring at the empty white space on her easel. 

Right… this was what she fucking hated about art. This step. Well, there was a lot that she found frustrating with the whole process but this was definitely up there.

How the hell did she do this in university? Back then she was able to crank out a painting every month or two depending on the size and complexity of the concept she was working with. Were they the best quality? Probably not, but at least she had ideas she was able to put to canvas. Unlike right now, where her mind was just fucking blank. 

Mizuki had recommended her to paint something she wanted, something entirely for herself. Which yeah, in theory sounded pretty simple. Y’know, paint something you like. Which for Ena was cheesecake, pancakes, fashion, vanilla lattes, rhythm games, flowers… Mizuki… ok scratch that last one. But none of those really sparked an idea that screamed final painting. Even Mizuki.

As much as she was admittedly smitten over her, doing another painting of her didn’t exactly feel like a painting for herself. Even if she’d enjoy doing it. She felt that the idea didn’t have the correct meaning behind it. 

Ena ran a hand through her hair, scratching her head at the conundrum she found herself in. It was a little frustrating and the feeling annoying, being unable to think of anything good. She was genuinely lost for an idea. This was why she was stepping away from art… this feeling of being lost, the feeling of just not knowing where to go or what to do.  

Well at least she wasn’t punching walls or tables in annoyance like she used to do in the not so distance past. That should be a plus at least, managing to control her anger, in this current instance. Instead she only just let out a loud and audible sight. Again an improvement over her cursing loudly in frustration. 

“Ena?” A soft voice that was almost inaudible came from behind Ena, causing her to shift her attention from her canvas to the door behind her. And to her surprise, she saw what seemed to be a young man with yellow hair standing there wearing clothes that reminded her of Victorian era clothing. The rather soft spoken virtual singer, Kagamine Len.

“Oh Len… I wasn’t expecting to run into you,” Len was pretty shy and non confrontive, and ever since the singers had felt that the Nightcord members would be fine without them, he was probably the one who appeared the least in Sekai besides KAITO and MEIKO, who were pretty much tied in that regard. Though Rin, Miku, and Luka would always convey messages from Len to the girls and vice versa whenever they met. Ena then shifted in her seat to fully face the singer. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was just passing by…” His eyes shift a little to the side for a moment, before looking past Ena. “What are you working on? A painting?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve sort of been using this place as an art studio since I don’t have one in the real world.”

“Rin told me about the last painting you made… she said it looked really nice.”

Last painting? Oh he must’ve been talking about the painting she made last December. The one that was currently hanging in Vivid Street’s local museum. “Ah, so she’s being honest now. Well, tell her I said thanks when you can.”

“Ok, I will…” The singer said with a nod, “What is this painting going to be?”

Ena sighed, “That’s a good question... I’m not really sure yet. That’s what I’m sort of stuck on actually.”

“Oh I see…” 

“I’ve kind of got a general idea, but it’s pretty vague and obscure.” Ena shrugged, “I’m trying to make something for myself.”

“That doesn’t seem too hard…” Len responded, “Just paint something you like… There’s a lot of things you like, right Ena?

“You’re not wrong, and you’d think that it was that simple… but everything I think about just doesn’t feel right,” Ena tapped her chin, crossing her legs as she thought about the question on her mind. “Nothing I’ve thought of so far feels fit for a final piece.”

The singer tilted his head, “Final piece?”

“Yeah…” Ena instantly had a feeling that breaking the news to him was going to be pretty hard for her, since he had always been so fascinated by her art since he appeared in Sekai. “I’m planning for this to be the final painting I make as an artist.”

Instantly, Len’s head drops a bit, his gaze turning to the floor. Body language clearly showing that he was more than a little sad at the news. And Ena would be lying if she said the sight didn’t tug at her heart strings a bit, “Does that mean… you won’t draw again?”

“That’s… I mean… sort of… yeah.” Ena paused for a moment, not really sure how to answer that. 

Len’s shoulders slumped a bit more. “I see… So I won’t be able to see Ena’s drawings… or draw with Ena anymore…”

“That’s not what that means… Look Len if you ever want to draw something together let me know and I’ll do it” Ena explained, hoping that would lift Len’s mood a bit, “It just means art won’t be my main priority of focus anymore.”

“Are you sure Ena?” He lifted his head, gaze on Ena.

“Yes,” She nodded, giving him a soft smile. “You can still leave messages on my phone right? So feel free to leave one for me and when I’m free I come here so we can draw together.”

“Ok Ena…” He said with a slight smile replacing the frown that was just on his face. Then his attention seemed to turn back past the door to her room. “Someone else just arrived…”

For a moment Ena began to wonder who it could’ve been. One of the other singers? If it was, it was probably Miku or Rin, since those two were the ones who appeared here the most. Luka wasn’t as likely, but it also wouldn’t be a surprise to her, since she seemed to only drop by when Kanade was here. And the same thing with MEIKO, but with Mizuki. KAITO would’ve been the biggest surprise, and honestly a little worrying. He only really appeared when Mafuyu was going through a rough patch, and seeing that Mafuyu had been doing pretty well over the past several years, he was an exceptionally rare sight.

Then maybe one of the other members? It could be Mafuyu coming here to study for her exams, but with the time right now, she should be in class. Maybe it was Kanade coming here to work on some compositions for her project with Hoshino? She did use the Sekai the most out of the four of them. 

And just as Ena had justified her prediction, it was all instantly thrown out the window with a pink figure appearing in the doorframe.

“Enanan! There you are! No wonder you weren’t answering your phone.” Mizuki said as her eyes fell onto Len, “Oh Len, it’s been a while, how’s it going?”

“Hello Mizuki… I’m doing ok. It’s nice to see you,” Len said softly with a wave.

“I’m good~” She said with a chime, “I didn’t think you’d be here! If I had known I would’ve brought that tie with me… man… guess there’s next time.”

“Anyways, Amia. What’re you doing here?” Ena said with a brow raised.

“Well, I was doing some fabric shopping at the mall earlier this morning and I saw something pretty interesting that I think could help motivate you to finish that painting. I texted it to you like two hours ago, but I didn’t get a response”

“Why do you think I need motivation?”

“Silly Enanan, I know you. And cuz I know you, you’re probably struggling to paint something right?” Mizuki asked with a slight smirk as she approached Ena.

“Yes, Ena said she’s not sure what to paint,” Len responded.

“Len!” Ena exclaimed.

“Hehe~ Knew it~ I’ve known you long enough that a deadline really helps you lock in on work so here,” Mizuki pulled out a flyer from her purse handing it over to Ena. “Take a look.”

Ena took the flyer with a slight sigh, her eyes running over the piece of paper. And she instantly recognized, well if her memory could be trusted here. It was a flyer promoting an art competition a local artist guild was holding in conjunction with the city. The very same art competition that Yukihira had mentioned to her a couple of months ago when he unexpectedly dropped by Weekend Garage.

“If I remember correctly, you work better when you have a set deadline, right?” She wasn’t exactly wrong about that. Deadlines just help her focus on actually doing and finishing things. “So I was going to say, why not try meeting this competition’s deadline?”

“I already know about this specific competition…” Ena looked up from the paper.

“Oh you do? Well then that means you already know the details and everything, so it should be pretty smooth sailing, yeah?”

“I don’t know Mizuki…”

“Why not?” Mizuki raised a brow.

“It’s just… I’m not sure it’s a good idea to do an art competition considering, y’know, I’m planning on stopping after this.”

“I guess you’re right… but you don’t have to submit the piece. Just use the deadline as a tentative deadline for yourself. So you can at least have a bit of pressure to help get the ball rolling, y’know?”

“Yeah…” Ena sighed, looking up at the room's ceiling. A part of her didn’t really want to follow Mizuki’s advice here, but another part of her felt that she was right in a way. There was a slight appeal to the idea of doing an art competition again, one final time. But the possibility of failing… she was admittedly afraid of that feeling. “I’ll think about it…”

“Alright,, but you don’t have to. No need to force yourself.”

“Mhm, I know. Don’t worry.” Ena gave her a smile, trying to bring some ease to Mizuki. “Was this the only reason why you went looking for me?”

“Well, it wasn’t the only reason. I also wanted to ask you if I left one of my ribbons at your place yesterday? You know, the type that I use to tie up my hair. Should be, like a purplish-blue type of thing.” 

“The color is called periwinkle,” Ena corrected her.

“Wow look at you using fancy color names,” Mizuki teased, “I guess that’s a yes?”

“Yeah, I have it. I’ll give it to you tomorrow, ok?”

“So I take it you’re not sleeping over tonight?”

“Yeah not tonight, maybe tomorrow?”

“Alright gotcha~” Mizuki reached into her purse pulling her phone out, “Text me you’re done here ok?”

“God you’re clingy,” Ena rolled her eyes with a slight smirk, “Bye Amia.”

“Seeya Enanan, love you~ And I’ll see you around Len.”

Len gave her a quick and small wave goodbye before a quick flash of light briefly engulfed Mizuki’s body. Then she was gone, having left the Sekai and returned to the real world.

“So Ena… what are you going to do?” Len asked, turning back to Ena.

“I think…” She paused for a beat, thinking. Should she even try the art competition? A part of her felt that she didn’t even have a right to do it since she was planning to renounce art. Then she remembered that one other thing Yukihira had told her that day, the thing that set her off instantly. “I’ve got to go somewhere and talk to someone.”

Ena got up from her chair, grabbing her phone which was sitting on a table. It wasn’t too late in the day, so he should still be there. Well, that is if the studio was still in the same place.

“You’re going now Ena?” 

“Yeah,” Ena nodded, “Remember if you ever want to draw together again, just let me know ok?”

Len gave her a small nod as he waved goodbye to her. With her fingers positioned over the pause button of her music player, she took a deep breath. And moments after she pressed the button she was engulfed by a bright flash of light.

—

Underneath the setting sun, Ena found herself walking through an old and familiar shopping plaza. One that she hadn’t been to in years. Looking around there were a bunch of old stores that she remembered being there since she was little, and a handful of newer stores that she didn’t recognize at all. It just reminded her how long it had been and the passage of time.

A part of her didn’t really know why she was doing this, coming back to this place. After she moved out of Tokyo she swore to herself that wouldn’t come back here. Not that the place was an entirely negative experience for her, she had her fair share of good times and great lessons. But the association to him … it was more than enough for her to dread the place. 

As Ena kept walking, she could feel a bit of tension build in her chest. Anxiety, stress, a sense of something akin to hatred tempted her to change her mind and walk away from this stupid idea. Though she managed to swallow the feeling, ignoring it. 

Then next thing she knew, she was standing in front of a door that led to an all too familiar art school. From the outside, it looked like nothing had changed about the place. And considering that this was Yukihira, she wouldn’t be surprised if everything was relatively the same as she remembered years ago. And it seemed that right now, he didn’t have a class going on. Perfect timing.

With her hand on the handle, she could feel the hesitation in her chest well up again. Her grip tightening, contrasting the feel of weakness on her arm. Taking a deep breath, she did her best to shake off the feeling, willing herself to open the door and step inside. 

And yeah, like she expected, the inside didn’t seem too different from what she remembered. Having pretty much the same set up as before, with where all the easels and drawing horses sat. The relative lack of interesting decoration, ironic considering the place was an art studio turned school. 

Ena took a moment to walk around the room a bit, letting the memories come back to her, flooding her mind. Remembering what it was like to sit in that very room, at an easel painting a still life. Or sitting on those back stiffening drawing horses to practice her charcoal and graphite skills. 

The memories to her surprise weren’t exactly all too negative. Sure she remembered the times where she got harsh critiques, or when she could barely even make a piece for an assignment. But there were also memories of her enjoying her time drawing and painting. Enjoying her time with her classmates, looking at their works together. Learning and improving together.

“Ena? I was not expecting you to be here today,” A familiar voice called out to her coming from a room labeled for staff only. 

“Yukihira.” Ena said as she turned to meet his eyes.

“Now may I ask what brings you back to my art studio?”

“I’ve… I’ve been thinking about that flyer you showed me a while back. You remember?”

“Ah yes I do. The local artist guild’s art competition to promote Tokyo’s artists.” He says as he pulls a chair for himself and Ena, before taking and gesturing for her to sit. “Have you considered it?”

“Maybe…” She says, crossing her arms, ignoring the seat and his gesture. “I’m still not sure.”

“What is it that is stopping you from entering?” He asks, waiting a bit for an answer that wouldn’t come, “I take it, it has to do with what you said back then. About you wishing to quit art?”

“Yeah… I guess.”

“If that’s the case then why are you here? You said you’ve already decided to quit, which means an art school is no place for you.” He said bluntly.

Ena opened her mouth to say something before tightly pursing her lips together, unsure of what to answer or how to respond to that. He was honestly right, even if it was a bit rude and mean.

“That is unless you are having second thoughts.” He continued.

“I’ve been wondering… what did you mean?” Ena paused. It was almost as if the words were stuck on her tongue, her body refusing to say those words. “What do you mean when… you said I was like my dad…”

“Ah that,” Yukihira put a hand to his chin, “You’re not too familiar with Shinei’s career, I take it?”

Ena slightly flinched hearing her father’s name, managing to subdue the bout of anger his name brought. “All I know is that he’s successful. So, how am I like him?”

“That is true, he is quite successful now. Though, there is much more to his career than that. And I feel that you might resonate with his career when you learn more about it. I believe that it’d be good for you learn his history with art.”

Ena’s eyes narrowed, “Ok so tell me.”

“I believe that is a conversation best to be had with Shinei himself Ena.”

She evidently cringed at the idea of talking to her dad. A visceral automatic response her body had. “Honestly, Yukihira, I’d rather not.”

“Ena, I know you and your father haven’t really seen eye to eye-”

“That’s an understatement,” She cut in.

“But I believe you should talk to him,” A beat, “You know… he cares about you.”

“He has a funny way of showing it.”

“I understand that Shinei isn’t the best at communicating, but I assure you, he cares about you. Both you and your brother.”

“And how are you so sure?,” Ena scoffed.

“That is a question you must ask your father if you wish for an answer.”

“Fine. I’ll think about it.” Ena let out a heavy sigh, as she turned around.

“Is that all Ena?”

“Yeah… yeah that’s it.”

“I see, I do hope you talk to your father. I believe it’ll be a good conversation for both you and him to have.”

“If you think so. But no guarantees,” Ena said without turning around as she walked towards the door, “Bye Yukihira.”

If what Yukihira said was true, then there was more to her father’s career. There was more to the story of the great artist Shinonome Shinei. Well of course there was, behind every success there was a story, but why would his be important for her to learn about? Just because he was her dad? That sounded like bullshit… But she was admittedly a little interested, maybe just morbid curiosity honestly.

Talking to her father though? Fuck that sounded like a god awful and shitty idea.

Chapter Text

Even after a good night’s sleep Ena’s mind was still on the conversation she had yesterday. Still lingering on what Yukihira had said, wondering what he meant and why he just didn’t tell her. Yukihira, from what she remembered, was usually so blunt and forward, unafraid of being straightforward, so it felt weird that he was avoiding telling her. It just made her even more suspicious.

A part of her was wondering if this was some sort of plot that he and her shitstain of a father came up with to get her to finally talk to him after years of no contact. But realistically, that didn’t make any sense. Yukihira wasn’t the type to do something so round about like that. And she also didn’t think her father would go that far to talk to her, even if he wanted to, which she highly doubted was the case. 

In the last, what, five years, he hadn’t made a single effort in contacting her. It was always her mother that did. Every time she’d talk to her, either over the phone or over text, her mother was the one who’d bring up the idea of talking to her father again. Or to at least check in with him. Which just sounded like one of the worst ideas she’d ever heard in her life. 

But still, what Yukihira said, it still weighed on her mind. Her curiosity wanted to know what he really meant, and it seemed that the only way she’d ever find out was talking to her father directly about it. Especially how he implied that he was like her at some point… which made no fucking sense in her mind. Seeing how he was so, as much as she loathed to say it, talented and successful, it seemed like a lie. But Yukihira wasn’t the type to lie like that either.

Either way Ena looked at it, it seemed that if she wanted to learn more, she’d have to bite the bullet.

Even just the mere thought of talking to him, hearing his voice, caused her shudder while a grimace formed on her face. A visceral reaction of disdain ran through her, as her entire being wanted to reject the idea as if it were a deadly poison. Yeah, wanting to puke was just a wonderful feeling to have when it was only three in the afternoon. 

Ena got up from the couch and began to pace around the living room, trying to shake her mind away from that horrid idea. She started to walk small circles around Akito’s painfully plain coffee table, her fingers picking away at her nails as the subject continued to linger.

Surely it wouldn’t be that bad right? Maybe he would’ve mellowed out after all these years. Be less of an asshole bitch…  

Ena barely managed to hold back a laugh.

Damn, did that say more about herself or her father? The fact that she didn’t believe her father could’ve gotten even the slightest bit better. Or the fact that she almost laughed for entertaining the idea as if it were a joke. Which was worse?

Then her phone began to ring, causing Ena to pause her circling. Grabbing her phone she was actually a little surprised to see who it was. She wasn’t expecting him to call her so soon.

“I texted you like forty minutes ago, new fucking record… not that the old one was that impressive.” Ena said, setting the call on speaker and putting her phone on the table.

<Oi fuck off.> The voice of an annoyed little brother came from the other side of the phone.

“I was honestly expecting you to call back later. Thought ya’ll would be busy with tour stuff.”

<We didn’t have a show tonight, just sightseeing today and chilling at the hotel. Got a show tomorrow though.> 

“Well good luck tomorrow. Break a leg or whatever they say” Ena says, retaking her seat on the couch.

<Thanks.> A pause, <So what do you want? Please tell me you didn’t fuck anything up.>

“Jeez has some fucking faith in your older sister. No I didn’t fuck anything up. I…” Ena paused for a second, “You’re alone right? Toya’s not there?”

<No, he went out with Kohane to buy food, they’ll be out for a while.>

“Ok…” She took a deep breath before continuing, “When was the last time you talked dad?”

There was a period of silence, one that couldn’t have been more than a couple of seconds, but felt like minutes, hours even. She wasn’t surprised by the silence and lack of response. It was admittedly a random and weird question, especially coming from her. 

“Akito? You still there?”

<Yeah… just… I didn’t expect you to ever bring him up again after… y’know…>

“Yeah I know, weird, whatever.”

< I don’t know… maybe like some time last year? I don’t talk to him much in general. Mainly just with mom.>

“Mmm…” Ena pursed her lips together as she thought on what to say next. “Did he seem different from before? Like he changed?”

<Ena why are yo->

“Just answer the goddamn question, ok?” She said slightly annoyed, taking a breath, “Sorry… I’ll explain later, just bear with it for now.”

<Well, I’m not sure. Like I said, I don’t talk to him much. He seemed pretty much the same to me as before.>

Of course he wouldn’t really know much about their dad. He was like her, not exactly on the best terms with him. Though Akito wasn’t exactly shut down and ridiculed by him like herself, he’d also been through his fair share of trouble with him too. Actually, in hindsight, it felt a little stupid to ask him about this anyways.

<Can I ask now why the weird fucking question?>

“Yeah, fine.” Ena sighed, “I’m thinking about talking to dad, and I’m just trying to get any bit of information on what to expect from him.

<Wait what?!> He exclaimed on the other side of the phone, <Why the fuck would you talk to him? You still hate him, right?>

“It’s… there’s something I need to talk to him about. It’s important.”

<Important?> Another pause, <I’m pretty sure you can just introduce Akiyama to mom and->

“Huh?! No that’s not what I’m talking about” She quickly interrupted him.

<Oh, then what’s so important that you’d break your oath to never talk to him again?>

“It’s about art Akito. And no offense, I’m not sure you’d get it.”

There was a loud scoff, <Wow ok, no need to sound so pretentious.>

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” She whined, “Look, it’s just… Being an artist and a musician are different, even though they’re both creative things, ok? And it’s something specific to dad’s art and career.”

<Right…> She could practically hear his eyes roll for a moment, <But why this thought all of a sudden?>

“It’s a bit of a story… but without going into detail, I just heard some things about dad’s works from an old art teacher who is friends with him. And I just want to see if they were true or not.”

<Really?> He sounded more than skeptical. <That’s it>

“I know, curiosity killed the cat.” Ena sighed, “I just… I need to know, Akito. I need to know for myself.”

<Do you really think this will help you?>

A moment passed as she thought to herself… Why was she doing this? Why was she even thinking about facing him after everything, after the years of just avoiding him. What changed? Just because she heard some random, potentially false, bit of information. It didn’t make much sense to herself honestly.

Why did she feel like she have to do this? To potentially learn more about someone she fucking despised with every fiber of her being. 

Maybe it was because, it meant that there was a chance that there was more to her father. More than someone who just belittled and shattered the dream of their daughter… Putting it that way makes it sound like she still cared about him in some shape or form.

“I don’t know, Akito. I’m not sure if it’ll help or not.” She said with a heavy sigh, “But… I can’t help but just feel like this is something I have to do.”

<Fine. Whatever you do is your choice, you’re a fucking adult. I can’t stop you.> A beat, <Just, remember, you’ve got people around you if you need it.>

“Yeah, don’t worry, I know.”

 Especially now, after how much both Airi and Mizuki did their best to drill into her fucking skill, she knows. And if she did relapse into her old habits, Mizuki and Airi would be there to pull her out again. Hopefully that wouldn’t need to happen though. 

<Anything else?>

And with that topic of the conversation slowly dying down and fading away, there was another topic she wanted to ask about. One that she was surprised at herself for not even thinking or asking about before.

“Yeah actually… How homophobic is dad?”

In that moment, she could’ve sworn she heard a spit take from the other side of the call followed by a couple of coughs. 

<The fuck type of question is that?>

“Well you’re the one who brought up introducing Mizuki to him and mom, and y’know, she’s not exactly the definition of straight.” Ena said, “I’d assume you’d know considering how gay you are.

<Like you’re one to talk>

“I’m-”

<You’re dating Akiyama, that makes you gay enough.> He spoke over Ena, <And I have no idea.>

“Wait… so you haven’t told mom or dad you’re dating Toya?”

<No, didn’t really see the need to.>

“Even mom? I thought you talked to her kinda often.”

<I do, but she never really asked me about stuff like that so why bring it up?>

Yeah, that made sense for Akito. He didn’t talk about personal stuff without being prompted to. Actually, the way Ena found out about Akito and Toya was through her asking him directly, where she found out that they’d been a thing for a couple of months already. 

“Well, I think you should at least tell mom. I’m sure she’d be supportive.”

<Are you going to tell them about Akiyama?>

It took Ena a minute to say, “Maybe… eventually…”

<Well, tell me how that goes if you ever do.>

“Sure, I’ll get back to you on that,” Ena said with a good amount of sarcasm. A part of her sort of dreading the idea. Not because of how her mother reacted, she’d be supportive without a doubt, but more so telling her would eventually lead to her father finding out. Which was more of a coin toss to her. “Speaking of mom, how is she? She know about your shows?"

<Yeah, I texted her an update last week. She said she was doing well. And no she didn’t bring up dad.>

“Mm, I see.”

<I think you should also make some time to talk to her too. She’s asked about you in the past, wouldn’t hurt to fill in her.>

“You’re probably right about that…”

<If you’re going to talk to dad, might as well right?>

There was a slight bit of hesitance still lingering inside her but she ultimately responded, “Yeah. That’s pretty much the plan.”

<Is that everything you want to talk about?>

“Pretty much.” Ena shrugged, “I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.”

<Mm ok. Text me if you need me… You remember the address right?>

“Of course, I lived there for almost nineteen years of my life”

<Just making sure… Well, good luck.>

“Thanks.”

Then moments later, the phone call was over, Akito hanging up on his end. Leaving Ena in the silence of the empty apartment. Alone with her thoughts. 

She slumped back into the couched, letting her phone fall onto one of the cushions. Her eyes drifting up upwards as she let her head fall back. With only one thought on her mind.

How in the fuck am I going to do this now?

—

It had been, what, almost six years since she had last seen that front door. A familar yet now foreign sight for her to see. Despite all the time that had passed, nothing seemed to have change about her old childhood home, at least from the outside. 

The same curtains lining the windows from the inside. The same small garden that her mother would keep, even sporting the same type of hydrangeas that she grew back then all those years ago.

It was a weird feeling, standing there, eyes fixed on the door in front of her. She had told herself she wouldn’t had come back here unless her mother had died, or she was dying, and even in the latter circumstance, that was a maybe. Fortunately, neither was the case. 

She had been wracking her brain for the last two hours, trying to figure out what to do and what to say. Specifically if was her mother answering the door. If it was her father, she would just get straight to the point so she could end the conversation and the fuck out of there as soon as possible. Minimize the amount of conversation and interaction time she had with him. Her mother thought… that felt more difficult. 

After all what do you say to your mom whom you haven’t seen in years, leaving so abrubtly after having a massive argument with your dad. It just felt insanely awkward to just, talk to her normally. What do you even say?

‘Hi mom it’s been a while, anyways, is dad here?’ 

No that’s fucking stupid. God why was this so hard?

Ahhh… this was probably how Mizuki felt last year running into herself after moving back to Japan. 

A heavy sigh left Ena’s lips as she closed her eyes. Then the sound of the door clicking open caused her to suddenly open her eyes in surprise. The first thing she was greeted with after opening her eyes was the face of her mother, softly smiling at her.

Ena lips parted to say something, but no words could fall out of them. Hesitation taking over her at the moment. Which only amplified as her mother moved in, wrapping her arms around her.

“It’s been a while, Ena,” Ena’s mother said softly.

“Y-yeah… sorry…” Was the only thing Ena could muster to say, arms stiff almost stuck to her side. Unsure of what to do at the moment, but it didn’t seem her mother minded at all as she pulled away.

“It’s ok sweetie, it’s just nice to see you again.” Her mother said warmly, getting another look at her. “Look at you, even more grown up since I last saw you… Here come inside.” 

She stepped off to the side, letting enough space for Ena hesitantly step inside.

“Thanks, mom…” Ena said meekly as she gave the interior a look around. Everything seemed to be relatively the same. Same style of decor and furniture, cozy and modern. 

“I talked to your brother, he said you’ve been living with him lately. And that you are both doing well, which is good to hear. I’m glad.”

“Oh yeah. I’m doing ok.” Ena said as she stepped further into her old home. Moments and memories quickly resurfaced as she continued. Waves of nostalgia crashing into her as she did.

Memories of running around with Akito as a kid. Drawing all over the walls with crayons. The sleepovers and hangouts she had with Airi growing up. Testing out perfecting her cheesecake and pancakes. All of it hitting her all at once.

“So, Ena, what brings you home? I’m sure you have a reason right?”

That question snapped her out of her nostalgia trip. Right, she had a reason for being here. An important one, so reminiscing could wait.

“Oh that’s… yeah… sorry I’m not really here to visit for the sake of visiting…” Ena turned to face her mother with a bit of a guilty look on her face.

“It’s ok, don’t feel bad. What is it?”

“It’s… well… I wanted to talk to…” Her voice seemed to pause a second, another flair up of hesitation, “I wanted to talk to dad, is he here?”

“Oh…” That seemed to surprise her. But it made sense, she knew quite well how strained the relationship between Ena and Shinei was. “Your father is out right now, but he should be on his way home.”

“Ah… ok.”

“If you want to wait here I’ll leave you alone for now… I know you probably want time on your own if you’re going to talk to your father.”

A part of Ena felt a little guilty, coming here, seeing her mother after literal years and not even bothering to talk to her. “No, it’s ok we can talk and-”

“Sweetie, I know you. You need the time alone before talking to him. We left your room untouched if you want to stay there. I’ll let your father know when he gets here that you want to talk.” She said warmly. 

Ena wanted to protest, but she was right. It was probably for the best for her to be by herself, to resolve and collect herself before seeing her father. Her mother really knew her, knew both her and Akito so well. “Ok… thanks mom. We’ll catch up another time… I’ve got a lot to tell you about”

“Of course sweetie, I look forward to it. Now go along.” She said with a smile.

And with a nod, Ena moved down the hall towards her old childhood bedroom. Opening the door, it was almost like a portal to the past. Another wave of nostalgia and memories hit her almost immediately. 

The room was clean for being unlived in for years, meaning that her mother at least dusted and tidied the room up every once in a while. But despite that, everything was as she remembered it being. The night stand still had her old sketch books she left behind. Her plushies and pillows lined up the side of her bed. And her desk had that familiar computer and monitor set up that she used to use nightly.

The place where she had worked on so many art pieces. Where she had suffered, failed, and cried so many times. 

But it was the same place where some pink stupid idiot stole her artwork for some dumb MV without permission. Where she was recruited to into nightcord with Mizuki by Kanade. Where she had found a group where she felt she belonged at a time where she felt lost and alone. That desk was one of the four places where, at one in the morning, a certain music group operated.

Those were the times. Even if it was so long ago, Ena could vividly remember those nights. Where Mafuyu would be so deadpan to the point where Ena wanted to slap some sort of emotion into her. Where Kanade would so earnestly work to make music that could reach people. And where Mizuki could either be pleasantly fun to talk to or so goddamn annoying that Ena had to question how she fell in love with that dumbass.

She approached her old desk, hand tracing over the edge. A soft smile appeared on her face as she let herself get lost in the memories and feelings that continued to well up inside her.

A part of her missed those days, admittedly, almost daily. While it wasn’t exactly all sunshine and rainbows, especially now knowing what she knew about what the girls had been going through back then, she couldn’t help but miss it. It just felt a little more simpler. 

Maybe she just missed N25 in general. Missed making music with everyone. Missed the whole process of making those MVs with Mizuki. Missed the many late night and early morning hours of random banter and conversation that they all had while working together. 

It was a bit bittersweet knowing that N25 was likely over. With Mafuyu soon to finish up her nursing classes, Kanade moving onto other music projects, Mizuki moving forward with her fashion and design endeavors, and herself moving on and away from art, it felt like N25 was officially over. That chapter of her life was now closing.

“Ena.” 

It came from her bedroom door frame behind her. That voice instantly snapped her out of her reflection of the past, cutting through the nostalgia and emotions that had been at the front of her mind. 

She instantly knew who it was, of course she did. It was the voice that had endlessly cut away at her confidence, that had reminded her of her lack of skill. That she didn’t have what it took to be a successful artist. That she’d fail in the end.

With a clenched fist, Ena turned to face them, doing her best to keep some level of composure. 

“Dad.” She said trying to minimize the venom in her voice, which was still an almost impossible task. 

“Your mother said you wanted to talk.” Shinei said.

“Yeah.”

Chapter Text

The sound of raindrops pelting against the ground was the only thing I could hear, disguising heavy breaths. The cool air and the darkness of the night completely encompassed everything around me. The only source of light was the faint lamp that illuminated the doorstep where I stood.

The night was cold. Everything I had with me was practically soaked. Hair dripping with water, the clothes on my back clinging against my skin, bags soaked, all of it from the rain’s endless assault. 

The echoing sound of drops against the pavement was hypnotic in a way. Helping me zone out and forget where I was. What I was doing. Even what condition I was in. 

I just wasn’t thinking, and I didn’t want to. I just wanted to fade away. Let everything just disappear, all the emotions and baggage that I took with me through the rain and night. To feel… clear and transparent. Free. 

Maybe that’s why I did what I did. Why I left the way I did.

It was so unceremonious. So random and spontaneous, desperate even. 

And as I let myself just stand there in the pouring rain, almost praying that I’d become one with it and fade away, there was a click from the door. My eyes drifted up, to watch as it began to slowly open, the slight from inside spilling out into the darkness of the night.

“Ena?!” Standing in the doorway was Airi. This was great, that it was her who answered the door. It just made everything so much easier for me.

“H-hey Airi,” My voice slightly faltered despite my best efforts. 

“Wait, girl, you’re fucking soaked! Get in here now!” Airi stepped, her arm on my shoulder pulling me into the house. Moments later, after the clicking of a lock, she quickly scrambled down the hall. “I’m getting you a towel then explain to me why you look fucking homeless!”

I stood there in the hallway, not opting to move, letting my eyes do the exploring for me. It was a pretty nice house, well decorated, and comfy. Well at least from what I could see from the hallway. It seemed that Airi and MORE MORE JUMP were doing well if they could afford this sort of place.

That must be nice…

Then Airi showed up again, a towel and what looks to be a change of clothes in her arms. She set the clothes and towel on a small table in the hallway, gesturing towards it. “Dry yourself off and change out of those wet ass clothes. I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Airi-”

“Girl. Bathroom. Down the hall. To the right. Now.” Airi said pointing. “You’re dripping onto our floors and probably dirty. Haruka is gonna be mad if you dirty her penguin shit.”

“But-”

“No buts. Take a shower. Use my shampoo and stuff. They’re the ones with cat stickers. And you can leave your bags here for now.”

I didn’t know what to say or do really. My mind was still unsteady. A part of me felt a bit guilty, another bad and undeserving of any of this. Why… I haven’t told her anything and she’s just willing to help me blindly.

Was that why I came here? Why I blindly ran through the rain in the cover of night. Because I knew that Airi would help. Wasn’t I just taking advantage of her? Did that make me a bad person?

As much as I wanted to refuse, let the guilt win, that look in her eyes…  It just barely managed to win out. After all there was no way she’d take no as an answer. 

So I did as she wanted me to. Leaving my bag with her, I went down the hall, doing my best not to dirty the floors or anything with the rainwater dripping from my clothes.

—

No longer having the feeling of cold wet fabric clinging onto my skin. Having dry hair that smelled vaguely of strawberries. Not being assaulted by the rain. And having a hot cup of tea in my hands. 

It wasn’t what I was searching for earlier. Not what I had desired. But… it was really nice, actually. The warmth of this home. The warmth and care from Airi. It was a nice change of pace.

“Ena, now, tell me what’s going on.” Airi said across from me in the living room. A small coffee table in the space between us. “You’ve never liked the rain, even when we were kids. So I doubt going out like that was just for fun.”

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind.” I forced the joke out, hoping that it wouldn’t make things tense. 

“Girl. Be for real. Why the hell were you soaking wet in the middle of the night?”

That was the question that I was honestly dreading. I didn’t want to answer it. I didn’t know how to answer it. It was hard to answer. Difficult to verbalize everything without it sounding so incoherent. Without letting my emotion take over. Without letting my anger blow up.

So I just avoided it. Lying.

“I just… I wanted to see what the MMJ house looked like.” 

“Bullshit, Ena.”

I slightly flinched, which if I didn’t already did, was probably enough to confirm to Airi that something was up. She just knew me too well for me to hide anything from her. It was… admittedly a bit infuriating at times.

“Where’re the others?” I asked, avoiding the initial question. But it was partially out of genuine curiosity. And I also didn’t want to make a scene while the others were still here. Or maybe more accurately, I didn’t really want anyone else to know about what happened.

“Minori is at her family’s home. Shizuku is out of town. Haruka is out at the gym. Nobody else is here.” Airi paused, looking me in the eye. Her gaze seemingly pierced into my soul, reading me  and what I was thinking easily. “So… you can be honest.”

My fist clenched, almost instinctively. A tightness in my chest flared up, the feeling of anxiety building. “Do you think… I can stay here for a while? At least until my uni classes start in a week?”

“Oh… yeah sure. I’m sure the other girls won’t mind.” Airi seemed a bit caught off guard by what I said. The way her eyebrows raised for a moment gave it away, “Why?”

“I got into an argument with my dad…” I sharply inhaled, holding my breath for a second. The world seemed to spin a bit while a heavy bit formed in my stomach. And as I opened my mouth, I was afraid I would almost puke. “And… and I…”

“Ena?” Airi leaned forward, an expression of worry covering her face.

“I ran away from home.”

—

The air in the room felt tense, almost as if you could cut it with a knife. After that brief initial exchange, there was only silence, as father and daughter stared at each other. Shinei with his usual and normally slightly tired expression. While Ena was barely able to keep herself from glaring and staring daggers into her father.

Then he finally broke the brief streak of silence, “What do you wish to talk about Ena?”

“Going straight into it huh? Not even a ‘Hi, Ena, how are you?’ or a ‘I hope your life has been doing decently.’” She scoffed, despite knowing the hypocriticism in her words.“

“Considering our last conversation in person, I doubt you’d like that.” Shinei responded.

“Akito was right, you haven’t changed a bit.” Ena said with crossed arms. 

“I haven’t talked to your brother in a while… but I hear he has been doing well lately. Your mother told me he’s currently performing overseas.” 

His mention of Akito ticked her off a bit, wearing down her already thin patience. It almost felt like a slap in the face that he was able to bring up Akito’s success, without even giving her a slight glimpse of praise. 

“Yeah. Great for him. Being successful, huh. Are you proud of him?” 

Shinei thought for a moment, creating a moment of silence. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Ena clicked her tongue, gripping the sleeves of her cardigan. Though her anger continued to rise, somehow she managed to hold back an eruption. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Talent and success seemed to be what mattered to you the most."

“That’s not what-”

“Oh really? Cuz from my memory, that doesn’t seem to be the case,” She spat out, words coated in venom. 

The tension in the room rose as the two continued to gaze upon each other. Shinei’s seemingly cool and detached energy completely contrasts Ena’s mounting rage and frustration. It seemed that the father and daughter here were truly oil and water.

“Ena. I doubt this is the only reason why you’re here.”

“Tch, what do you know about me?” Ena replied, “You didn’t raise me or even Akito. Mom did, she raised the both of us. So how could you get to know me? ”

Silence took over the room again. The ticking sound of a clock and Ena’s heated breaths created the only rhythmic sound that could be heard in the room once the voices died down. Then Shinei let out a sigh.

“Is that what you think?”

“No shit.”

“I see…”

“Is… is that all you have to fucking say?!” Ena exploded, her volume rising as her frustration boiled over, unable to control it any longer. “No trying to convince or change my mind?! That’s it?!”

“I see no reason to if that’s what you think.” He responded in his usual almost stoic tone.

“So you just don’t care what your own daughter thinks of you?!”

“You’re an adult, you can have your opinions.”

Ena forced a dry laugh, “Really? Or is it because my opinion doesn’t matter to you? Or actually, maybe, is it actually that I don’t matter to you?”

“Ena-” He started only to be interrupted.

“That’s it huh?! You just don’t care about me and what I think! That’s why you’ve always criticized me! Why you always just beat my confidence down!” She continued, laughing to herself, getting caught up in her anger and swirling emotions. 

“That’s not my intention.” Shinsei managed to speak over her, “I was only-”

“Stating facts? Yeah I fucking know. You made it so clear to me! And guess what? You were right! I've had no success as an artist ever since I left!” Ena continued. “So dad… are you happy to know you were right?”

Shinei closed his eyes, for the first time his body language wasn’t relaxed or stoic. He seemed tense, though Ena didn’t notice, blinded by emotion and anger. Too consumed and preoccupied by her frustration at him to pick up his shift in energy.

“This conversation is going nowhere like this Ena, take a deep breath.” He said as he did himself. “Then tell me what you actually want to talk about.”

“What makes you think that this isn’t it?”

“You’re sounding irrational right now.”

“I wonder why?” Ena rolled her eyes, glaring daggers at him.

“Perhaps we can have this conversation another time when you’ve calmed down,” Shinei said as he began to turn around, “I’ve got some work in the studio I-”

“Is that all you fucking care about?!” Ena’s outburst froze him with his hand on the doorknob.

“Compared to the current state of this conversation, I believe it’s a better use of time-”

“So your art is more important than this conversation?! More important than the daughter who you haven’t seen in years?!” Those words were sharper and colder than any Ena has said in years. Each word filled with visceral emotion and years of pent up frustration and rage that was finally now just being released. “That’s all you fucking care about huh? You and your art.”

He wordlessly let go of the knob before slowly turning to face Ena once again. “You may not think it but you and your brother mean a lot to me.”

“Funny way of showing it,” Ena scoffed.

“I mean it.” Shinei’s eyes softened a bit, as he let out a sigh. Then he took a step forward towards Ena, “You’re more important to me than you realize.”

“Could’ve fooled me really. You really didn’t seem to care much about your first born daughter’s dreams and aspirations. Or even her feelings.”

“Art is a very cruel profession-”

“Oh here we go about art again!” She immediately dismissed his words, “I swear. All you ever think about is art this, art that!”

“It is important to me-”

“Great! Awesome! So how about this dad? Tell me, if I'm oh so important to you, like your art, compare what art means to you and what I mean to you.”

Their eyes met once again, the fiery heat behind Ena’s eyes conflicting against Shinei’s stoic and tired gaze. The tension between them is at an all time high dangerously explosive. Any wrong move would almost certainly result in an outburst.

Ena waited what felt like hours for any sort of response from her father. Time just felt so slow to her, her anger dilating time as she experienced it. Each second and breath only pushed her closer to losing it completely here, just saying fuck it and storming out of there.

But finally, Shinei opened his mouth to speak, saying something that Ena wasn’t expecting. Something she wasn’t even sure how to process.

“My art is much like a flower.” Shinei paused for a beat, before looking Ena straight in the eye.“And you… to me, you are the rain.”

Chapter Text

“Wh-what?” Ena managed to sputter, the words stumbling past her lips. Her rage for a moment seemed to die down for a moment due to her genuine confusion and surprise at her father’s response. And while it did lessen for a moment, it quickly ignited once again. “You’re saying I’m like fucking rain?! What does that even mean?!”

“Ena, allow me to explain,” Shinei said calmly.

“Fucking better, or else I’m leaving.” Ena spat out, “And make it quick.”

“Unfortunately, there’s no short way for me to explain everything to you.”

“What, because you’re going to use some more bullshit metaphors or similes or whatever the fuck its called.”

He shook his head, “I’m going to tell you something that I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“Oh what? That you love me or something?” Ena’s words oozed with sarcasm, “Might be a little late there.”

Shinei seemed to move past her comment, “No. It’s about my career-”

Ena scoffed immediately, as loudly and disrespectfully  as she possibly could. She didn’t want to hear shit about his career, not after what he did to her. Always shooting her down, grounding her dreams.

But he continued despite this, “And how I nearly quit it.”

That caused Ena’s grip on her sleeves to lighten up, her brow unfurrowing at what he said. Whether it was conscious or not, a bit of her anger was instantly diffused for a moment. Not entirely extinguished, but it did simmer down. 

But with Ena being herself, stubborn and hard headed, she still brushed off what he said. Dismissing it as some sort of twisted fact or lie. That her father wasn’t being entirely truthful. After all, from what she knew of him, there was no reason for him to consider quitting. All, if not, most of his works, to her knowledge, were all celebrated to some extent. 

“As if you’d ever quit.” Ena rolled her eyes, a slight bitterness in her voice “You’ve no reason to. All my life I’ve only ever heard of your success and how great you are.”

“It makes me happy, at the very least, to know that is how you see my career…” Shinei said with an almost melancholic and pensive energy. “It means I truly managed to succeed and provide you, your brother, and your mother as much of a comfortable life as I hoped I could.”

Ena was well acquainted with her father’s success and the fruits that came from it. The house that she grew up in, the nearby scenery and beautiful river that flowed nearby, the admittedly large monthly allowance she managed to burn through thanks to make-up, clothes, and art supplies. All of it was due to him, as much as she hated that fact in hindsight.

 “Save the melodramatics. You just proved what I said, that you’re too successful to quit.”

“What you and your brother know of my career is only half of it,” He continued, “I’ve been an artist longer than you’ve been alive, Ena. Almost double your life.”

“Wow, fucking incredible,” Ena spat out with unimaginable sarcasm. “Showing off now?”

“That’s not what I intended, I just mean to say that there’s another half to my career. Before the success.” A beat, “The struggles and pain that came before hand…”

Ena somehow managed to hold her tongue for now. Though her eyes clearly conveyed her thoughts, still not believing what he said. That flame of anger and resentment still burning inside her.

“I was captivated by art ever since I was a child… For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be an artist. It was the path I chose many years ago. And while my parents acknowledge my abilities, they still disapproved of my decision to pursue it as a career, saying it was too risky and unstable.”

Ena found some sense of irony in the idea that his parents weren't supportive of him. Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree there huh? But… from what Ena remembered of her grandparents, they were pretty supportive of both herself and Akito… 

Whatever, she chalked that up to the phenomena of grandparents spoiling their grandchildren significantly more than their own children. 

“Still I continued down my chosen path, painting.” He paused for a moment, with a sigh. “Then… that path I once viewed as a path full of flowers and satisfaction, it suddenly turned to one of thorns and adversity.”

“Despite my efforts in university, I struggled. I couldn’t get any recognition for my works, no successes in competitions or open calls, no calls from galleries. So I continued to work, to strive to improve, to create, even if it hurt. I used my pain, my frustration, my sadness, as fuel for my work. And it showed in my work.” Shinei looked down at his open palm, “Your mother… she supported me ever since we first met in university. She saw me suffer, watched me struggle to keep myself from drowning as I threw myself into my work. And despite seeing me at my lowest, she continued to support me as best as she could, even deciding to marry me.”

Ena knew her mother was practically an angel, so patient and supportive of the whole family despite everything. No matter how much Ena would let her anger get the best of her, and even now after disappearing for months at a time, her mother always seemed to be full of love and support. So she wasn’t surprised to hear that, but what did surprise her was what Shinei was saying about himself. About his career.

It didn’t make sense to her. Still unable to fully process or accept the idea that her father struggled in art. A part of her thinking it as impossible, another part of her not wanting to believe it, since that’d mean he was a fucking hypocrite. Not that she didn’t already think so.

“There were many times where I felt as if I should quit. Where my hand could barely lift my brush… but your mother kept convincing me not to. She continued to support me, and held firm the belief that one day my work will be recognized. But… I kept failing to find even a small bit of success. In the end, I had started to feel that I had no worth as a human being.”

That was a feeling that Ena was exceptionally familiar with. Something that she had believed about herself for a long time, something that she still sort of felt about herself even now. Empathy won over her anger, thanks to that fact. Rage slowly being replaced by a slight sense of sympathy. 

“Having spent all of my effort and energy into a career that seemed to be going nowhere, it truly felt like I had nothing to my name. I told myself, I had to choose. My art or her.”

“What?! But we both know, mom loves you,” Ena finally spoke, taken over by impulse. Her words seemed to have come out unconsciously, “That’s the only way she could stand you after all these years.” 

“Of course I know…” He agreed, “But if I continued as an artist, I’d continue wandering aimlessly, being worthless without any guarantee of becoming someone of value.  Your mother deserved better…"

The whole story… everything that Shinei had told her about his life, his path of being an artist… all of the struggles he went through… it was similar to her own. So similar that it was partially a reflection, a mirror with some minor difference, but a mirror nonetheless. 

It was sort of eerie how things seemed to line up like that. The universe really did have a sick sense of humor to have things turn out this way for both father and daughter.

“I admittedly struggled with the decision. I spent many hours agonizing over it. But what ultimately led me to my decision to quit… what convinced me that I had to become someone of value. It was the day I found out your mother was pregnant.”

“H-huh? You… because mom was…” Ena went silent, understanding what that meant. The implication that she, herself had caused him to come to a decision to quit art. But no, he didn’t, so something changed, but what?

“Yes the decision was clear…” Shinei said, “if I were to have a child and a family, I needed to be someone of value to support them. So I told your mother. She was against it actually, but she understood my decision and told me I should make one, final piece. A painting not for any audience or gallery. Not even for her, or our future child. But for myself.”

That was pretty close to how Mizuki reacted when she told her about her own decision. Even telling her to make a final piece for herself. 

“I worked on that final piece for several months. I found myself stuck, unsure of what to paint. Whether I should have my final piece be one of nostalgia, one of happiness, one of anger, or one of pain. I was still lost. And while I was lost, next thing I knew…” His eyes met Ena’s, “I had a newborn daughter.”

“Me…” She quietly said underneath her breath.

Shinei nodded, a soft smile appearing on his face. “I remember the night I was able to bring you home so vividly. Your mother was with your grandparents still getting ready to go home. The hospital had a small outdoor garden, and I decided to take you to see them.”

“It had rained earlier that night, so the ground was still wet and the air chilly. Your grandparents were against taking you outside because of that, but your mother told me to take you. So you’d have a nice memory.”

This was a story that Ena’s mother had told her years ago. It was also the story and origin of one of her mother’s favorite pieces that her father had made. 

“That night, I remember seeing this small peony on the way to the garden. It wasn’t being tended to or cared for like it would’ve been in the garden. Yet, somehow, it was able to survive and be so beautiful despite how delicate and small it was… And it reminded me of the baby I was holding in my hands. That was when I was finally able to settle on what my final piece would be. A flower that represents the life that I want to protect.”

Ena was stunned, unsure of how to respond. Shinei wasn’t really the type to be this open about things, and it was the first time he had really shown any sort of affection towards Ena. It sort of short circuited her brain.

“It didn’t take me long to finish that piece. I poured everything I had into it, every emotion I had towards art. Hatred and joy. Anger and happiness. Hope and despair. And once it was done… I found that I couldn’t step away. I couldn’t quit… Art was so ingrained in me that the thought of quitting really did mean I was nothing. And there was no way someone like that could protect a daughter.” A beat. “I decided that I had to commit. I had to otherwise there was no way I could raise and protect my daughter.”

Shinei continued, “If my career were a flower, it was a dying and withering one, desperate for any sort of water. And you Ena… you were the rain that revived it. If it wasn’t for you, I doubt I wouldn’t have had the strength to suffer through the adversity and last. That flower without the rain would not have survived until it bloomed.”

The way he put it, explaining his thoughts and reasoning, it was so artist and poetic. He really was a sort of master of artistic things. And it honestly did infuriate Ena to an extent. How could I be so skilled at art, but also be such a shitty father? 

Either way, she was speechless. She understood what he meant, but didn’t want to believe it. Or more so she couldn’t believe it. The father who had smashed her dreams into dust, dissuading her, and going as far to destroy her confidence in art said that she was the reason why his career continued to exist and prosper. 

That felt like grade A irony there. How he could destroy the aspirations of the very same being who helped his own. 

“So… you didn’t quit… because of me?” Ena said slowly.

“Yes.”

Her arms unfolded, dropping to her side. Fist clenched, as Ena found herself reeling at the conflicting emotions surging inside of her. Resentment dancing around with a newfound sense of sympathy, and appreciation, something she never would’ve thought she’d feel towards him. 

She found herself unable to look up at him, eyes glued to the floor. Face obscured him so he couldn’t see the thoughts on her face. Thank god, since she couldn’t control her own emotions right now. Though she could feel his gaze on her, as if he was studying her. 

“Ok…” Ena managed to say despite her almost frozen state. “So that’s how it is…”

Ena shifted her gaze just enough to see him nod in response. And the silence that followed lingered for several minutes. Neither Ena or Shinei said or did anything during that time. The room seemingly froze in time. A gently ticking of a clock was the only thing that confirmed that reality and time continued as normal.

“That’s everything I wanted to talk about.”Ena was the first one to break the seemingly suspended moment. Though there was a hesitance in her voice that wasn’t there several minutes ago. 

“I see… I’m assuming you’ve talked to your mother already?” He replied, still seeming the same demeanor as he had prior to his story.

“Yeah, I did. And I have stuff I need to do, so… I should go.”

Shinei stepped to the side, no longer blocking the way to the door. “If you believe you should, I won’t stop you.”

Ena moved towards the door, pausing for a moment when she reached the door frame. “Tell mom I said bye.”

“I will.”

She didn’t linger a second longer after that, as she swiftly went into the hallway. Her mind was still racing, unable, maybe even unwilling, to process everything her father had told her. It didn’t make sense to her. Logically, from what she knew about him, and his technical skill and love of art, he would’ve never quit or struggled. But… he also wasn’t the type to lie about things like this either. 

The more she thought about it, the more it hurt her head. The contradictions making everything make less sense to her. But she desperately wanted to understand, feeling in her gut that if she did then maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to finish what she had set out to do. That maybe, she’d find some closure before she steps away for good.

And in order to do that she needed a place of peace and quiet to help sort through the headache of contradicting logic and information swarming her head.

—

No matter how many times Ena went to the Empty Sekai, she still found it hard to wrap her head around how much it had changed over the years. Starting as a practical waste land of nothingness to evolving into a lakeside cabin and forest. Not that she disliked the new scenery, she loved it in fact, it was just weird to think about how it used to be. How different the Sekai was now.

Her eyes were locked onto the horizon line of the lake. Watching the gentle waves of the water crash against the shore, just far enough so the water wouldn’t reach where she was sitting. It was a good spot to just sit, think, and clear your mind at, something she definitely needed right now.

The conversation that she had with her father just a couple of hours ago was still on her mind. And even after the time that had passed, Ena still couldn’t quite accept everything that happened during that conversation. Still in a disbelief of what she learned.

What her father had told her, the sort of thoughts and emotions he said he experienced and had… it was all so familiar to her. Well, more accurately, it was all so close to what she herself had thought and experienced. The struggle, the doubt, even the worthlessness and unworthiness she felt for her partner, it all seemed like her father had felt it himself.

It was honestly an eerie idea for Ena, to think that she was so similar to him. That they both held the same experiences. But it also raised another question for her. 

Why the fuck did he do what he did to her? Why was he always so dismissive of her? Why did he always call her talentless and bound to fail? If he knew the pain of not being recognized, the pain from the struggle and doubt, why didn’t he support her?

It just didn’t make any sense to her. And the more she thought about it, the more it pissed her off. Was her father just that much of an asshole? Or was there something else that she missed? If there was, then she’d have to talk to him again. But after today she’d need a good bit of time before she felt like she’d be fine to do that.

Though, at the very least, she felt a bit more motivation in making a final painting. Maybe she’d be able to channel her frustration into a painting like she’d done so many times in the past. Hopefully.

“Took you long enough,” A voice came from just behind Ena, sounding slightly irritated. A voice that Ena hadn’t heard in quite a long time, so much so that it honestly shocked her to hear it.

“What are you doing here?” Ena said as she turned her head. “It’s been years.”

Leaning against the trunk of a nearby tree was one of the virtual singers of the Empty Sekai, the rarest one to appear here actually, KAITO. The one who always seemed annoyed at everyone. The one who was blunt and honest to the point where it seemed he didn’t care for their feelings, whether they got hurt or not.

“Mmm, it has been. And that’s way too long” 

“What’re you doing here? You never visit, and from what I’ve heard from Miku and Rin, they barely see you too.” Ena says, genuinely curious as to his random appearance. KAITO was also the most distant of all of the singers. Sure back then he’d state his opinion all the time to the group, but he’d then swiftly leave afterwards.

“I felt like something finally changed.” He stated. “So I came to confirm if it did.”

“What do you mean?” Ena asked, a little puzzled.

“A step has finally been taken to fixing your problem.” He stopped leaning against the tree, uncrossing his arms. “I thought you’d never take it.”

“What? Are you talking about my dad? Wait, how did you even know?”

“I didn’t. I just assumed based on your feelings.”

“My feelings?” Actually it sort of made sense. The Sekai was made and can be influenced by their feelings, and the singers are connected to the Sekai. So it wouldn’t be impossible to think that the singers could tell when the members' feelings change. “I guess that makes sense…. But I still feel like I’m lost.”

“You’re not lost. You just don’t want to face the truth. The past.”

“What? What’re you talking about now?” Ena furrowed her brow in confusion. “If its about my dad, his motivations and actions still don’t make sense to me!”

“The information is already in front of you. Figure it out, otherwise you’ll be stuck and unable to move past this.” KAITO turned around, preparing to leave the area. “If you can successfully face this, then there’s only one more left. Hopefully it doesn’t take her much longer.”

“Wait KAITO-” Ena called out to him, but he just ignored her walking past the trees and in the forest, disappearing from her line of sight. “Goddamnit, why is he like this…”

He was probably the most annoying singer of the bunch to deal with, mainly because of how straightforward yet cryptic he could be. Sure he said things bluntly, but sometimes so bluntly that even with context it could be confusing. That or Ena was sometimes a little too dumb to understand what he meant right away.

Either way this was one of those moments. He said she knew everything she needed to move on, but she didn’t feel that way at all. She still was lost and confused in regards to her father, and apparently that’s because she wasn’t ‘facing the truth’ or whatever that meant. And who was he talking about at the end?

If anything, KAITO just made her even more confused. But, usually, whatever he said was true to an extent. So… should she take his words into account?

Ena sighed, shaking her head as she stood up, briefly patting her skirt to rid of any potential dust on it. If she decided to think about everything before doing something, she’d for sure be stuck on it for ages. It probably wouldn’t be worth it at all.

At this point there was no use to thinking too deeply about what KAITO or her father said to her. She did get what she wanted from Shinei, an explanation as to how they were similar. And now that she did, she needed to move forward. Move towards the final step.

Which meant she needed a place to work. While the Sekai was a good option, she didn’t want to risk the off chance that either Kanade or Mafuyu would be here while she was. That would result in a headache that she honestly didn’t want to deal with.

Then an idea popped into her mind. A place that told her that she’d have a space there if she ever needed it.

While Ena didn’t exactly like the idea of using connections to get a free studio space, the offer did come straight from one of the owners. So surely, it would ok right? She'd have to ask Emu about it later.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure I can take this space?”

“Of course! Right now, the WonderStage is in between productions, so no one is using the studios.”

“But, Emu, it’s a lot bigger than the last one I used…” Compared to the studio space that Ena was given last year, massive. Not that the previous one was tiny, it was still pretty big, enough space to fit two tables, several chairs, and enough floor room to allow her to pace around without any trouble. 

The studio that Ena found herself standing in was easily more than double the size. And even furnished with several tables and chairs for her to use, lamps for lighting, and even a couple of adjustable easels that she could choose from. In one of the corners was also a sink where she could dry and clean her brushes too. The studio was basically ready for her to use almost immediately.

“You said you wanted to work on a painting, so I thought that having a bigger space would be nice!” Emu chimed with a wide smile.

“I… yeah it is but, like I didn’t need this much space…” Ena rubbed the back of her head, “I didn’t expect all of this since I asked on such short notice… You must’ve been scrambling to set this up with how busy you must be with the park.”

“Don’t worry about it Ena, Rui was the one who organized everything actually.”

“Oh… well, I should thank him next time I see him.”

“Mhm,” Emu nodded, “I am curious Ena, what are you painting? Can I see it when you’re done?”

“Well, I’m not too sure what I’m going to paint. I’ve got a rough idea, but nothing concrete.” Ena sighed, “But sure, when I finish it you can take a look. Though, not sure how long that’s going to take.”

“Ah ok! Well, Ena, if you ever need anything, like supplies or stuff like that let me know! I’ll gladly help you out.”

Ena put her hands up, gently shaking them and her head. “No, no, letting me use this studio for free is more than enough.”

“Ok, but remember I’m always here if you need it!” Emu said with a bright smile.

As grateful as Ena was towards Emu and her generosity, a part of her couldn’t help but feel a little bad. For one, giving her studio space on an extremely short notice and for free. Then also offering to help her with supplies if she ever needed during her time there at the park, almost as if she was being sponsored by them. It was all an exceptionally nice gesture and offer, but there was no way Ena could take her up on it.

The door to the new, and temporary, work studio swung open, drawing both Ena’s and Emu’s attention.

“Greetings, I’m hoping the accommodations are suitable for you Shinonome,” Rui said as she shut the door behind him, stepping towards the two women. 

“Oh, yeah it is. Emu told me you were the one who set it all up.” Ena then took a deep bow, “Thank you very much.”

“Of course, anything for a friend.” Rui said, giving her a smile. “Plus, I doubt Mizuki would be happy with me if I didn’t provide aid to their partner.”

Ena righted herself, “Good to know I’m not the only one she messes with.”

“Mizuki, when they want to be, can be… frightening to deal with.” He said with a light chuckle.

“Really?” Emu tilted her head slightly, “She always seems so bright and friendly, not scary at all!”

“That is true, but beneath that they’re quite calculating,” A slight smirk appeared on the director’s face before turning and teasing Emu, “A trait I believe you share with them.”

Emu slightly pouted, “Are you saying I’m also sometimes scary?”

“Not at all, I think it makes you all the more interesting.” He replied.

Ena stood there silently for the moment, her eyes darting between the two others, who seemed to start their own little back and forth. A small bit of suspicion building in her mind, but something she decided ultimately would be best to ignore for now. 

And the conversation continued for a while with Ena doing her best not to eavesdrop out of respect. She began to unpack and organize her supplies in the meantime, setting up and organizing her paints and brushes, which honestly was futile effort since it would likely be less than a day before it’d become disorganized. Once she had set out her palette, paint mediums and brush cleaners she decided to finally break her silence.

“I uh… don’t want to be rude, but I’m planning on starting my painting soon so the room will start to smell like paint.” Ena said as a warning. Most people didn’t really like the smell and fumes of oil paint, so it was the least she could do before accidentally subjecting and assaulting Rui and Emu’s noses.

“Ah sorry Ena! ” Emu quickly apologized.

“Yes, apologies if we were interfering with your work.” Rui added

“Oh it's ok, its just, y’know the smell of paint can be really strong and give people headaches, so I just wanted to let you guys know is all.” Ena said as she began to set up her easel and canvas.

“Ah ok ok! Good luck Ena! If you need anything feel free to let me know!” Emu chimed before moving to the door, “And have a wonderhoy day!!!”

The young park manager quickly darted out of the studio, leaving Rui and Ena inside. 

 “It seems that whatever was on your mind during our previous conversation has been resolved.” Rui said, returning his attention to Ena.

Ena’s eyes glance up, away from her palette, for a moment, “ Guess you can say that.”

“And I believe I was correct about Mizuki, no?” There was a slight smugness in Rui’s tone.

“Are you going to rub it into my face?” Ena sighed as she began to squeeze out several colors of paint in preparation.

“No, no. I would never,” Rui shook his head. “I’m just glad I still understand them, is all. And I am glad you seem to be doing better. You seem less tense.”

“Really? Well, honestly, I still feel plenty tense right now,” Which wasn’t entirely wrong. Her mind still worried and a little lost on what to paint specifically. Still no subject or concept fully appealed to her just yet. “I’ve got to figure out what the hell I’m doing with this.”

“Your painting?” The director put a finger to his chin, "Unfortunately my expertise comes in stageplays and writing, not art. But I’m sure you’ll be able to decide sooner rather than later. I can attest to your skill at the very least.”

“Thanks for the encouragement.”

“Of course, and if you ever need more, I trust you know who to go to?”

“Mizuki?”

“Correct, Shinonome. And with that I shall take my leave,” Rui gave a quick and slight bow before stepping away from Ena’s work station.

And just as he was just a couple of steps away from the exit door, Ena spoke up one more time. “I forgot to say this sooner, but thanks Rui. Thanks for everything. Including what you did for me and Mizuki last year too.”

Rui stopped in his tracks for a moment, his head turning back just a bit. A slight smile on his face. “Of course, Ena.”

Moments later, Rui stepped outside, shutting the door behind leaving Ena to her own devices within the studio. With a sketching pencil in hand, and her eyes glued onto the plain white canvas, it began. The beginning steps of painting. The first steps towards the finale.

—

Frustration really just seemed like an emotion that Ena would always know. Somehow, someway, no matter how much she tried to escape it, it always managed to find her in some shape or form. Even after getting an answer, getting a studio space to work, and some motivation, her brush just didn’t seem to move the way she wanted it to. And as a result, frustration quickly began to build and bubble inside her.

A part of it coming from the inability to come up with something to paint, even after all the time and effort she put into it. Another part stemming from her father. Specifically his words and his story. How much of a contradiction that man seemed to be, it just sat on her mind despite her best efforts to throw it away. 

She was hoping that a day would be enough time to let her mind move on, but that wasn’t the case. It still weighed on her. There was something that didn’t click. But she didn’t want to figure it out. Not now at least, not with this painting still looming over her. 

After all, thinking about him only soured her mood and ruined her motivation. The exact opposite of what she wants right now if she was going to finish this painting in time for the competition.

Actually, why was she even doing that in the first place? Why strive for a competition? Was she hoping to win it? What’s the purpose of that if she was just going to quit?

Was she really only doing this competition thing because Mizuki suggested it to her? No… maybe she wanted to see if she had the ability to win anything. That’s probably it… not that it’d change anything.

Still, it did raise the question of where she wanted to go with her life after this chapter was over. What direction should she move towards?

An office sounded like genuine hell and torture so something like that was easily out of the question. Just the thought of it made her shudder. Even business didn’t sound that appealing either, which only made her respect Mizuki more that she’s moving towards managing her own business. 

Maybe teaching? As ironic as that seemed, considering her own schooling track record wasn’t exactly the best. She was told by people in the past that she was a solid teacher when she wanted to be, well at least by what Honami and Mizuki told her back then. 

Well, that was something she didn’t feel all too rushed to figure out, considering that Ken was letting her work at Weekend Garage for as long as she needed. And well, she had more pressing matters to deal with, like a blank canvas.

Then a ring sounded from her phone, snapping Ena out of her state of contemplation and reflection. Dropping her brush she picked up the call. 

“Hey, what’s up.”

<Huh, what’s with the cold way you decided to greet me???> An all too familiar voice came from the other side of the phone. 

“I was painting, Amia” Ena sighed, “Well trying to at least.”

<Ahhhh still stumped I see>

Ena just hummed an acknowledgement. “What’s with the call?”

<Wow, Enanan. So cold. I can’t just call my girlfriend whenever I want?> Ena could practically hear her pouting. <I can’t believe you>

“Just get on with it Amia”

<Ok, fine. Are you busy this weekend? I’m thinking Saturday, specifically.>

She took a moment to think on her schedule, “Should be free, unless Ken needs me for a shift last minute.”

<Hehe, alright, mark it as a date then~> 

“Where exactly?” Ena asked with a raised brow.

<You trust me right?>

“Debatable”

<I knew you do! Look, trust me, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it for sure>

“Yeah?”

<Yup~> She humed with an evident confidence.

“What makes you say that so confidently?”

<Cuz, I know you really well, duh>

“Alright, if you think so.” She relented with a sigh

<I know so!> A beat, <Well, that’s all I wanted to call you about. Good luck with your painting, Enanan. Love ya>

“Thanks.” 

A moment passed before Mizuki whined, <Awww, no ‘love you to?’>

“Ugh shut up,” Ena rolled her eyes with a slight blush on her cheeks, “I’ll talk to you later.”

<Ok bye by->

Ena suddenly dropped the call, as she slid her phone into her purse that sat just off to the side of the table. Out of sight, out of mind. She didn’t need any more distraction right now, even if it was from Mizuki. She needed to focus, to at least think of some concept or sketch, anything really, for this painting. 

Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to peacefully enjoy whatever Mizuki was planning for them later in the week. About three days until Saturday. Three days to make some progress. That should be doable… right?

Chapter Text

A familiar yellow light illuminated the room’s surroundings. A scene that Ena had seen time and time again formed around her, the studio that usually constituted her dreams painted into what felt like reality. 

Though, unlike what her usual dreams tended to be, she found she wasn’t alone to begin with. A chair formed in front of her, soon followed by a clear mirror image of her younger self who sat in there, legs and arms crossed. Her other self’s gaze fixed on her.

Ena could tell, there was some sort of judgement in that stare, or at least something akin to it. A sense of disappointment even, not that she could entirely tell. Despite this being her dream, and it being a younger version of herself, Ena had no clue. Maybe it was due to a sense of her not really truly understanding herself.

“Weird. You usually show up after a bit, not right away,” Ena said to her other self with a bit of curiosity. “What’s with the change?”

“Nothing. Simply decided it’d be best to confront you immediately is all,” The girl replied with a bit of poise.

“About what?” Ena raised a brow. “Does it have something to do with that look you’re giving me?”

“Correct.” The girl’s voice had a clear and noticeable attitude coating her words. Well, it wasn’t all too surprising since she was practically Ena. Maybe her subconscious even, speaking to her.

Ena began to pace around in a tight circle, still staying in view of the girl. The girl’s eyes followed as she moved, “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m just doing my best with the decisions I made. Isn’t that what you wanted? I’m sticking to my decisions.”

“So that’s how you see it?” A beat, “To me, you seem to believe you’re still not committing yourself to moving forward. You’re still stuck.”

“Ok first of all, you’re me. This is my dream. How the fuck do we have different opinions?”

“Different aspects of the human psyche.” The girl stated plainly.

“What? I... I’m not gonna think about what that means right now,” Ena shook off her moment of confusion, “And secondly, I’ve been trying to move on. I did shit I thought I never would! I’d say that’s moving forward.”

“That’s what you think. But you still aren’t fully gasping anything, thus you are not truly moving.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“But that’s besides the point.” The girl waved her hand as if to dismiss Ena’s words, “In your current trajectory, I believe you’ll not fully commit to your decision.” 

“What? Stepping away from art?”

“Precisely. You’re working on an art piece now, no?”

“It’s my final one. I’m done after this.”

“Mm, if you say so.” The girl got up from her chair, which seemed to fade away as she did. “I will say, I am not disappointed in your failure to commit. I’m more so disappointed in your inability to truly see everything.”

“Excuse me what?” Ena raised a brow in confusion.

“That’s all. Someone is trying to wake you up now.” The girls turned her back to Ena. Then began to take steps away from her. “Until next time. I hope by then you’ve fully opened your eyes.”

“Oh come on, enough of this cryptic shit. I’m tired of it! Just be straight with me!” Ena complained as took a step, moving after her other self who only seemed to be growing farther in distance as the seconds passed. 

No matter how much Ena wanted her body to move faster, it didn’t seem to be enough. The girl seemed to just continue to move farther away until eventually she was unreachable in the distance. 

—

“ENANAN COME ON WE’RE HERE!!!!”

With her vision still in darkness, eyes shut closed, Ena could feel herself being held by the shoulders while also being shaken. Grogginess still had its grip on her, only groaning in response. A sort of protest against opening her eyes and waking up. 

After a couple more moments, the shaking stopped followed by a sigh. “Ok… we’ll do this the hard way~”

Then a sudden feeling something both wet and cold hit her forehead, the sensation sending a shock through Ena’s body. It was enough to jolt some of her grogginess away as swiped her arm across her head.

“WHAT THE FUCK!”  Ena exclaimed as her eyes fluttered open. Her fingers touched her forehead, which still had a residue of wetness and cold.

 And in her immediate sight was Mizuki, standing just outside of the open car door. Wearing a wide and obviously mischievous grin on her face, hands behind her back.

“Finally, you’re awake! Man, Enanan, you really put me to work waking you up.”

“What the fuck was that? Ice?” She said, using her sleeve to wipe away at her forehead.

“Who knows?” Mizuki shrugged, taking a step away from the car to let Ena get out. “But we’re here! So get your sleepy butt up and out of that seat!”

Ena let out a groan, sluggishly moved herself out of the car, "Where are we even at?

“Well, get out of the car faster and you’ll see for yourself!” Mizuki giggled as she moved to the trunk of the car.

“Fine,” Ena sighed, shielding her eyes from the sun as she stepped outside. Closing the door behind her.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the sunlight, but once it did, the scenery helped her get a couple of assumptions as to where they were. Judging by all the trees surrounding them and paths leading away from the parking lot they were at a park. One that she didn’t immediately recognize.

Turning back to the car, Mizuki had her head in the trunk checking a backpack, making sure everything was all set and ready to go. Judging by the size of the backpack, and the fact that the check was taking a while, she must’ve brought a bunch of stuff here.

“Amia, why this park of all places?” Ena leaned against the car, waiting for her to finish. “And why’d you pack all that stuff?”

“Well, Enanan, I like to be prepared,” Mizuki said, zipping up the backpack’s final pocket. “And you’ll see why this park specifically in a bit. There’s a path I wanna take you on.”

“There is something called being overprepared I’d say.” Ena wasn’t the type to really make strict plans or an itinerary for anything, more willing to just go with whatever the moment called for. And in her time knowing Mizuki, she was the opposite. She was the resident hang out planner for N25 back in the day, and even now.

“Agree to disagree my dear Enanan~”  Mizuki said as slung the backpack on with a triumphant smile. “Alrighty, let’s go!”

“You say that as if you aren’t the reason why we haven’t left the car yet,” Ena teased as she matched Mizuki’s pace.

“Shhhh, no fighting. We’re here to relax.”

“Relax? You should know my definition of relax is to sleep, not hike.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I also think a change in scenery would be nice too.” She shrugged, “Give it a chance.”

Ena relented with a sigh, “Alright. I’ll shut it and ‘give it a chance’”

“Great~” Mizuki chimed as she continued moving forward leading Ena along a tree lined path.

The day and weather itself was pretty nice for a walk. The sun was out but its rays weren’t beating down on them, just a nice and gentle warmth. A gentle, slightly cool breeze blew through the area, rustling the tree leaves and bushes. With a couple of clouds occupying the blue sky above. 

While Ena wasn’t exactly the most active, outdoorsy type, even she had to admit that the day was pretty much perfect for a walk like this. Her eyes followed the line of trees into the distance as they continued down the path. 

For the next couple of minutes, the two walked in silence. Both of them quietly admire everything around them, both content with just the mere presence of the other. It had been a while since Ena had a moment like this, well a moment as tranquil as this that wasn’t attached to some sort of mental breakdown.

Then, something caught Ena’s attention, one specific detail. The leaves that littered the path up to this point had all been the usual green you would expect in spring, but there were now an occasional pink petal or two popping up. And the more they walked, they seemed to appear a bit more often.

“What, Mizuki… is this?” The words softly left Ena’s lips, almost inaudibly quietly.

Unconsciously, her steps began to outpace Mizuki’s without even waiting for a response. She was being driven by curiosity and desire to confirm her suspicions as she followed the path that now seemed to curve behind a small building. 

Rounding the corner, she stopped immediately in her tracks, stunned by her discovery. Just a little farther down was a small circle of cherry trees that were all in bloom. Their pink flowers and petals floating in the wind and decorating the grass and path around them. In the direct center of the trees was a small pond which was being fed by a river stream.

“Woah…” Ena said without any thought.

“Hehe~ I know right!” Mizuki chimed, having now just caught up to Ena. “What do you think?

“It’s… incredible.”

“Well, there’s a picnic table over there, why don’t we go over and chill there?” Mizuki said as she stepped ahead, grabbing onto Ena’s hand and half guiding, half pulling her there.

Ena was too focused on the view. The natural lighting and breeze create the perfect scene that seemed something straight out of a master’s painting. Her mind almost in a trance, mapping out hypothetical ways how one could paint the scene in front of her. Mentally between composition, lighting, color, and even brushstrokes for ways to capture the scene as perfectly as possible.

Getting to the picnic bench and table, Ena took a seat, still focused on the scene in front of her, while Mizuki stood beside her. A grin with the slightest sense of smugness emanating from it on her face. “So, I did a good job huh?” 

Ena slightly nodded, “How’d you find this place?”

“Airi, she gave a pretty long list of places that she thought you might like that she’s been to.” Mizuki replied, “But I was the one who settled on this specific place, so I think I deserve some credit~”

“Cherry blossoms…” Ena said under her breath, recalling an old memory that surprisingly wasn’t too blurry to her. An old promise that was left unfulfilled.

Let’s go see some more cherry blossoms in the future too.

“You did this on purpose huh?” Ena finally broke away from the view, looking over to Mizuki.

“I know it’s not with everyone… I’ll try to plan another trip like this with Kanade and Mafuyu in the future for sure.” The designer’s gaze looked out to the trees, their branches softly swaying in the breeze. “I just wanted to be selfish this time and have the first time I’ve seen cherry blossoms in years be with you and only you.”

Ena could feel her face go a little warm, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks. Taking her eyes off of Mizuki, she joined her in admiring the view. “So, there wasn’t anything like this in France?”

“There were parks and stuff where you could see flowers bloom. Yuuki and I would always make sure we had an entire day free to admire those blooming flowers every year,” A sigh. “And while the view was still amazing, it wasn’t anything like this. Not sure why though.”

“Nostalgia?” Ena hazarded a guess, “After all, the first time we all ever went out together somewhere it ended with a cherry blossom viewing.”

“Oh, maybe we can recreate that trip!”

“Yeah no, I’m good. I’d rather not experience ghosts again.” Ena rejected the idea immediately.

“What, but that was Kanade. It wasn’t even a real ghost!”

“Still, that scared the shit out of me!”

“Awww boo… Fine, fine, I’ll work out something else then,” Mizuki sighed as she sat on the table part of the bench. “But this is really nice huh?”

“Yeah… it really is.” A beat, “Thanks for this, Mizuki.”

“Of course, least I could do.” Mizuki said, her voice slowly drifting away in energy, “Especially after not noticing things before…”

A bit of guilt built up inside of Ena, knowing the direction of what she was going to say. “Mizuki, don’t bla-”

“You know me. That’s not possible,” Mizuki spoke over her, “It’s just, I still feel a little guilty. I didn’t notice you struggling and all of that.”

“I didn’t make it easy. And I wasn’t any better towards you either.”

“No, you noticed. I just pushed you away.” Mizuki rebutted.

“Well, I could’ve tried harder.” Ena shot back.

Then there was a moment of silence that fell over the two. The rustling from the branches in the breeze filling the quiet air. Both of their gazes still on the blossoms and trees rather than each other.

“In hindsight… we were both pretty fucked up, huh, Ena?” Mizuki broke the silent air with a slight chuckle.

“Yeah, but couldn’t you have worded it differently!”

“I’m not wrong though!”

Ena sighed, “I hate that you’re not wrong.”

“At the very least, I think we’ve both gotten a little better since we first met.”

“Oh definitely, no shit.”

“Hey, Ena. Can we make a promise?” Mizuki said softly.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I’ve been thinking. There are some things I still haven’t told you yet. And I’m sure there are things you haven’t told me either…” A beat, “It doesn’t have to be everything all at once, but let’s tell each other everything, the good and bad. ”

“That’s…” Ena shifted her eyes to Mizuki.

“It’s hard, I know. Trust me, I’m afraid of the idea too.” Mizuki said softly as she turned to meet Ena’s. Her eyes filled with genuine sincerity. “I just thought that maybe, if we do that, then we can heal together.”

“Right… but…” Ena’s words froze, stuck in her throat. Her body suddenly felt tense for a moment, stress and anxiety striking her in that moment.

“You’re afraid that I wouldn’t like you anymore, is that what you’re thinking?” She said, practically reading her mind.

“Yeah…”

“Ena, you really are stupid sometimes.” Mizuki said with a slight chuckle, “If you can accept me for everything I’ve done and am, then why don’t you believe I would do the same for you.”

“I… I don’t know.” Ena sighed, resting her head in her hands. “I just… I have a hard time believing that I’m worth it, I guess.”

“Yeesh… yeah we really do need therapy huh.”

“Shut up, you're the one who told me to be honest and open!” Ena’s head shot up with a pout.

“Hey, I’m not much better either, ok!” Mizuki apologized, her arms up surrendering. “But… yeah I get it.”

Ena turned back to the cherry trees, leaning back. Her head positioned to view up at the sky with the blossoms still in view. “It’s weird. I thought that because my dad… he always said I wouldn’t succeed, that I wasn’t talented and skilled. No matter how much I tried my best to improve, he always said it wasn’t enough…”

Ena paused, letting out a heavy sigh. Her mind briefing goes over her most recent conversation with her father, “But… when I last talked to him. He said something that I just didn’t understand at all.”

Mizuki leaned forward a bit, intent on listening to her. “Yeah?”

“He said that he could relate to everything that I’m going through… the pain and frustration… even contemplating abandoning art! He said I was like him!” A beat, “It’s kind of fucked up right? Saying he could relate to everything he’s but me through, telling me I’m not good enough. You would think he’d be supportive of me instead of being so fucking mean and bitchy, but no.”

“And to make it all the more confusing, he said I was the reason why he never quit art!” Ena continued, her volume rising, matching her frustration. “Like… what the fuck?! I don’t get it. And the more I try to understand it, the more confusing it gets. Why do I have to have a dad that’s like this? Why can’t I have parents like yours?”

“I really have to introduce you to them…” A beat, “But anyways… yeah I guess that’s rough.”

“Rough doesn’t feel like it even begins to describe it, Amia.”

“Well… Let me play devil advocate here, Ena, so don’t punch me.” Ena just gave her a slight side eye. “But, seeing how he said you two were similar, how about thinking about the situation from his perspective? Like, if you were in his situation, why would you do what he did?”

“But I would never treat any hypothetical child of ou- mine like he did to me!”

“Right, right of course you wouldn’t. You’d be a great mom,” Mizuki said, trying to appease Ena’s brief outburst. “I’m just saying, think about it from your perspective.”

Ena’s gaze turned down towards the ground, staring at the pink petals covering the dirt beneath her. What would she do? What would she do if her child expressed the same desire as her if supporting them wasn’t an option?

She wouldn’t want a world like that, a world where a child of hers entering the world of art would not have support. The world of art was harsh and cruel, a fact that Ena knew intimately thanks to first hand experience. It was a world of cutthroat competition that could destroy a person if they weren’t prepared. A dog eat dog type of world, where only the best can survive.

If she couldn’t provide the support needed to survive or endure in that sort of world, if she was forced to watch without help or support, then she wouldn’t want her child to even step close to it. She’d do her best to steer them away from the career of an artist. So that child wouldn’t have to endure the pain and frustration that she herself experienced.

And that thought lingered for a moment, sitting at the top of her mind. The silence as Mizuki waited for Ena’s response was only broken up by the occasional rustling of branches in the breeze. Ena’s eyes widening after a couple more seconds of reflection.

No… No… Was that why? There’s no way…

With a clenched fist, Ena shook her head, actively trying to ignore and dismiss the thought. . The reason why he was always like that to her. Why he went from being happy to receive her small doodles as a child to looking at later art with disapproval. It made sense but she didn’t want to believe it. She refused to believe it.

“Ena?” There was evident concern in Mizuki’s voice as she leaned closer. “Are you ok?”

“I… he… he cared… he actually cared…” Ena muttered, sounding exasperated at her own words. “That piece of shit cared in the most fucked up way possible…” 

“What are you talking about?”

“I get it… why he did what he did,” Ena looked up with a slightly melancholic look on her face. “He didn’t want me to end up like him.”

“What?”

“My dad, he said that felt like a worthless human being after failing to make a name for himself as an artist. That’s something I definitely relate to…” Ena closed her eyes, leaning back again. “And having known that feeling, I wouldn’t want my child to ever experience that. So if we do think alike… then that’s probably what he felt.” 

“He’s a pretty shitty communicator if that is the case.” Ena added before a gust of wind blew through the area, sending petals through the air, and branches rustling again. She then opened her eyes, looking back at Mizuki. The latter gave her a puzzled, somewhat surprised look. “What’s with the look?”

Mizuki blinked a couple of times before responding, “Sorry, I’m just… a little surprised you thought of all of that. That’s some serious self reflection, Ena. I’m proud.”

“Huh??? You make it sound like I never do that!” She whined.

“That’s not what I meant! I just mean, you did that pretty fast. Faster than I think I would have myself honestly.”

“Mmm,” Her attention returned to the trees, “But something I don’t get though. Why was I the inspiration that caused him to not quit? He made a painting related to me and said afterwards, he decided that he couldn’t quit. I don’t understand that thought process.”

“Wait, he made a painting that was inspired by you?” Mizuki questioned, her head tilting slightly.

“Oh right, I never told you about this story. My mom was the one who told me originally,” Ena took a breath, quickly recounting how it went and summarizing it. “So tldr; the night I was born, my dad decided to take me for a walk. When he was walking around, he found a small peony covered in raindrops, it had just rained that night by the way. My mom said that he had originally planned on making a final painting before I was born but was struggling with it. But that night it was like he found a spark, and the moment we got home, he started painting like a madman and never looked back. That piece, apparently, was the piece that launched his art career in success.”

Mizuki nodded as Ena finished her story. “That’s kind of a sweet story.”

“Yeah sure I guess… but I still don’t get it. What about that painting and the process overturned her pain, grief and desire to quit?”

“Maybe its because you haven’t finished the painting yet?” Mizuki shrugged.

“I don’t even know what I’m painting in the first place, Mizuki.”

“Hmmm,” The designer tapped a finger on chin, “Well, then I guess you need your own ‘peony in the night’ moment? Something so amazing that’ll inspire you!”

“You make it sound so fucking easy, Amia. Haven’t had that in a long while.”

Then Ena felt something small hit the top of her head, causing her to pause. Her hands moving up to the site of impact, feeling around. Her fingers turned slightly moist. Then another impact, followed by another. 

Mizuki too seemed to notice it as well, lifting her hand slightly, her eyes raised to the sky. And it seemed like they both had realized what was happening at the same time. Rain. But it was still sunny and bright out, the clouds hadn’t covered the sky at all. A sun shower.

After another moment, she shot up from her seat, turning to her backpack behind her. With a slightly frantic energy she began to search through it, before letting out a loud sigh. “Ahhhh, I didn’t bring an umbrella!”

“What happened to being prepared, Amia?” Ena teased as she put her cardigan over her head as a makeshift shield against the rain.

“Enaaa, don’t use that against me now!! It didn’t look like it was going to rain today!!” Mizuki whined, as she slipped the bag on. “C’mon lets go get some cover!”

Ena didn’t need to be told twice as she shot to her feet, trailing just behind Mizuki as she frantically looked for anywhere with decent cover. While the situation was a bit hectic, Ena still couldn’t help but look around and admire the scene. The sunlight and rain falling, along with the backdrop of cherry trees and blossoms. It was definitely a nice sight. Oddly calming too, despite the slight panic of the situation.

For a moment she considered stopping to take a picture, just to remember the moment. Her pace slowed down while Mizuki continued to move in a hurry. 

“Enanan! What’re you doing?!?!” Mizuki looked back at her.

Mizuki was standing just underneath a pair of trees. Sunlight hitting her in a way that made her seem almost ethereal with a couple of petals falling around it, it was like something out of a picture book story. Even with the rain, soaking into her outfit and hair, she still seemed too breathtaking for Ena to not acknowledge. And knowing that this was just a fleeting moment in time, made her want to immortalize it even.

Ena quickly pulled her phone out and took a picture, not even bothering to do her usual procedure of double and triple checking everything looked good. For some reason, she felt that no matter how she took the picture, it’d be perfect.

“Enanan! Are you taking pictures??? That can wait, you’re going to get soaked otherwise, c’mon!”

“Right right, I’m coming jeez, call down!” Ena yelled back, sliding her phone back into her purse as she ran to catch up to Mizuki.

“And here I thought you hated the rain.” Mizuki said.

“Ehh, I think I’m warming up to it.” She shrugged.

“I don’t know, I feel like the rain and getting soaked makes you colder if anything.”

“Oh haha,” Ena said dryly, “What are you a comedian now?”

“Oof, tough crowd.” A beat, “Man, this sucks though. I really hoped we could’ve spent the whole day here. Sorry Ena, date ruined…”

“Don’t apologize, I think I’ve figured something out actually.”

“Really?”

“Mhm yeah.” The thought of the scene that photo captured still lingering on her mind. It was a familiar and old feeling, something close to an obsession. Something that could get her brush to move again. “I think I can finish it now.”

Chapter Text

Time really is just a wild and weird concept. The way time moved, the pace and speed at which it did. It didn’t really make any sense to Ena at all. Just a couple of months ago Ena swore that time moved at a snail’s pace, every day crawling at such an unimaginably unbearable speed. But now, her opinion of it completely changed.

Two weeks felt like a blur, like an object that moved too fast to fully process. Two weeks since Mizuki and her took that trip to the park. Two weeks since she figured out what she wanted to do with this damn painting. Two weeks since she gained a slightly better understanding of her father, even if that understanding admittedly wasn’t exactly desired. Those two weeks felt like nothing.

Ena’s life became a steady routine, of waking up, going to Weekend Garage if she had a shift, working, then making her way to Phoenix Wonderlands to paint. If she didn’t have work, she was in the studio most of the day, only leaving when Mizuki dragged her out into the sunlight for a wellness check that included food, drink, and rest for her overworked wrist. But even in those moments she kept thinking about her painting.

She even decided to set up a sleeping bag in the studio on nights where she wanted to keep painting into the late night and early morning hours without going home, just to make sure she didn’t lose that rare spark. It was almost like she was back in university with that sort of set up.

All of this being ironic in itself considering Ena’s habit and dislike of routines, but when, on the exceptionally rare occasion, she gets into the rhythm of painting she rarely wanted to break that flow. Wanting to spend most of her time either thinking of painting or actually painting. So much so that she would even spend the night in the studio if she was really in the zone. Plus she knew if she stopped now, she had a feeling it’d be hard to pick back up again.

And with just little over a week until the competition’s submission deadline, this flow that Ena found was greatly appreciated. Sure it sort of consumed ninety percent of her waking life, occupying a large part of her mind, but at least it meant she could probably finish on time.

A part of her still didn’t really understand why she was so dead set on even meeting this deadline. Why did she care so much about the quality of this work? Or why she was so willing to spend so much time on it?

 Maybe it was because there was an end in sight, that she just wanted to end it on a high note. Or well, as high of a note as she could, not that she was expecting to win anything. Just as long as she knew she put her best work forward, she would be happy. At least that’s what her mind was telling her as answer to all of her wondering.

Taking a moment to step back, away from the canvas, for a better look, Ena had made some good progress on the piece. Especially compared to where she was just a couple of weeks ago. The general layout was all set, most of her base colors laid out, all she needed to do was work on the details and lighting now. Which she should be able to do before the deadline if she kept her current pace.

“So, this is what you’re working on.” A voice spoke, causing Ena’s attention to turn to her phone. What could be best described as a hologram of a very familiar virtual singer was being projected from the screen.

“Rin? What’re you doing here?” Ena asked, slightly surprised at her appearance. It was rare for Rin to show up outside of the sekai itself nowadays.

“Len told me you were working on a final painting…” Rin replied flatly, “So this is it?”

“Ah… yeah.” Ena turned back to the canvas, “It’s not done, but what do you think so far?”

A moment of silence fell across the room as the small holographic Rin leaned in a bit closer, as if to get a better look of the canvas. Ena tapped her fingers against her hip, waiting for any sort of response from the virtual singer. A slight impatience creeping across her mind.

Despite the consistent visits from Mizuki, she had yet to see what Ena was working on. Mizuki insisted that she’d only see it when Ena felt she was happy and done with it, which knowing Ena wouldn’t be for a long while. Rin was basically the first person to see the work in progress painting, which caused Ena to feel a little antsy about what she might say. 

“It does feel like a ‘you’ painting,” The singer finally said.

“What?” Ena questioned with a tilted head. 

“It’s messy, chaotic, and rough.”

Ena slightly flinched at her analysis so far, “I guess that’s what I get for not painting or drawing for almost five months… Guess I’m pretty rusty…”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. It’s just… very Ena-like.” Rin said, shifting her gaze back to Ena.

“Is… is that a compliment?”

“You can take it that way,” Rin continued, “This painting so far, even if it still isn’t done, it has a lot of energy and emotion in it. I like it.”

“Really?” Ena turned back to her painting, giving it a quick run over with an analytical eye. Not exactly convinced herself that the piece was working so far. Her mind pointing out areas of roughness and places where she felt she needed to work on or clean up.

“It’s in style that’s very much like you… I think.”

“Are you going to explain what you mean?”

“It’s like I said, it’s very much like you. Something that only Shinonome Ena can make.” A pause, “Maybe you’ll understand once you finish the piece.”

“You think so?”

“I think you’ll figure it out, Ena… and you may change your mind on somethings.” Then Rin’s eyes seemed to look past the canvas for a moment, “Bye Ena. Good luck…

And in that instant, the phone screen went blank, the holographic Rin disappearing at the same time. That sort of caught Ena off guard with how abruptly Rin disappeared. Usually whenever it happened like this, there was a risk of her being seen by someone else. But before she could think much more about it, there was the chime of the door being opened.

“Amia, what do you want this time? I’m making sure I’m drinking water ok?” Ena sighed, her back still to the door. Her reply was almost out of instinct considering how often Mizuki kept dropping by at the studio lately.

Then another thought ran across her mind. Mizuki was out of town for the day, on a business trip for Yuuki’s company. So unless the meeting was canceled there was no way she’d be here.

“First of all, are you saying you haven’t been staying hydrated?” A voice coming from the studio’s entrance said before Ena could finish thinking, “Secondly, no wrong ‘A’ name. And finally who the hell is ‘Amia’?”

Ena turned around to be greeted by a different pink haired person than she was expecting. Airi was standing just a couple steps away from the studio door, wearing what Ena could recognize as her go to disguise accessories. A dark green bucket hat, and a pair of sunglasses which obscured most of her raised brow.  

“Oh it's just you.” Ena said nonchalantly, not paying much mind to the idol as she returned her attention to her easel and canvas. “And to answer your question, that’s Mizuki.”

“Wait, wait, so your pet name for Mizuki is ‘Amia’?” Airi took a couple steps closer. “What the fuck?”

“There a problem?” Ena glanced over to Airi, flashing a slight side-eye.

“Uh, yeah. I thought it’d be like a shorter cuter version of her name like ‘Mizu’ or something? Not ‘Amia’? Where the fuck do you even get that from? It’s like nowhere close to her actual name!” 

“If you really want to know, it’s from her online username.” 

“So you call your girlfriend by her gamer tag?”

“You make it sound stupider than it actually is!!” Ena whined.

“I mean… it is kinda stupid,” The idol shrugged, “What’s next you gonna tell me her pet name for you is your online username or something too? That’s even stupider.”

Ena paused her hand, stopping her brush. A moment of silence followed afterwards.

“Pftt. Holy shit, no way!” Airi struggled to hold back a laugh, “Ena. Your username is literally longer than your actual fucking name! That goes against the whole idea of nicknames!”

“SHUT UP YOU DON’T GET IT!”

“Haha. Oh, no shit, I do not! But it’s not gonna stop me from laughing!” 

“You are fucking insufferable.”

“And you love me.”

“Not as much as I do Mizuki.”

“Oof, sharp tongue Ena. Sharp tongue,” Airi said, coming down from her bout of laughter. 

“Whatever,” Ena rolled her eyes with a shrug, “So why’re you here? Actually how did you know I was here? I was trying to keep this whole thing under wraps.”

“About that, I can’t believe you’d keep this a secret from your bestie. You said you were done with this art stuff.” The idol moved a bit closer, now leaning against a relatively open spot and clean spot on the table. “If Mizuki hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have ever known! You’re lucky your girl is amazingly thoughtful."

“Of course she did…” Ena sighed. It wasn’t really much of a surprise to her, Mizuki usually did what she thought would be good for her. And, honestly, it was probably the correct decision anyways, avoiding a situation where Airi was in the dark again. “Well, it doesn't matter. I’m done after this.”

“All the more reason why I want to see it! I would fucking kill myself if I couldn’t see your grand finale of a painting!” She said with exaggerated emotion and motion.

“Don't be so dramatic, I was planning on showing it to you when I finished.”

“Good. Otherwise I would’ve killed you.” Airi turned to her, “Oh also also, Mizuki told me to get you some sunlight. So we’re going out.”

Yup there it was. Despite not being there, Mizuki was still watching out for her. But she was still in the flow and didn’t want to stop, not yet at least. “I’ll do that later, I wanna get some more work done.”

“Nah sorry, vetoed!” Airi reached for Ena’s off hand, grabbing her forearm. “On your girlfriend’s orders and permission, I have been tasked with getting outside and resting. I’ve also been authorized to do so by force if I have to.”

“Ok fine fine, give me a minute to clean up.”

“Nah nope, we’re going now!” Airi said, pulling Ena up and out of her seat, the idol’s strength catching Ena off guard. 

“HEY!!” Ena dropped the brush in her hand as she felt herself being forced onto her feet. It took almost all of her strength to resist being dragged across the floor.

“I can bridal carry Shizuku no problem, and I will fucking drag you out of here if I have to! Don’t test me!”

“Ok ok fine! Let me just get my purse! AIRI!”

—

The usual, and at this point, very familiar upbeat Phoenix Wonderlands instrumental chimed through the park’s speakers. The sound melding with the hustle and bustle that came from a typical day at an amusement park. Cheerful laughs and the sound of exhilarated screams coming from various rides filled the air.

With the fairly cool breeze and the sparse and occasional cloud, the heat of the sun wasn’t all that oppressive. It made for a really nice day, honestly. A perfect day to go out and enjoy the park.

But despite all that, Ena found herself sitting in the shade of a table umbrella. With a fork in her hand, occasionally poking at the plate of funnel cake in front of her. She basically had the complete opposite energy of the environment around her.

“Ena, why’re you so mopey?” Airi, still in her nightmare of a disguise outfit, approached the table, holding a milkshake in each hand. “C’mon it's not often we can hang out like this.”

Ena just shrugged as poked the funnel cake one more time, the strawberry that sat at the top of the mountain of whip cream toppling over.

Maybe it was because she was forced into taking a break, forced to slow her mind down, to clear it from anything related to painting, but she couldn’t help but think about the future again. She was never really the type to think about the future much, but right now, if it wasn’t painting, that was the only thing that seemed to take a hold of her mind. Thinking about what to do after that deadline comes. The thought made her feel a little unsure, melancholic, slightly empty and it just drained her energy in the moment.

“Are you still mad that I carried you out of the employee area?” The idol pouted.

“No… But that was still embarrassing as fuck.”

“Well, think of it as practice for when Mizuki does it to you.” A beat of silence, “You’re thinking about it now huh?”

“No…” Ena lied. The mental image honestly enticed her, but she did her best to not show it.

“Liar,” Airi took the seat across the table, and slid the shake over to Ena. She then rested her arms on the table. “Alright, spill girl. What the fuck is up with you now?”

“I guess… I’m just thinking.”

“Wow, rare,” Airi snorted, before clearing her throat. “Sorry, sorry. Serious time. But, about what exactly?”

There was a pause as Ena thought about it, attempting to collect her thoughts. Which was a bit difficult actually. Her mind was on her painting primarily, but that wasn’t really the thing that was causing her to be lost in thought. So what was it? What was making her feel so… restless now?

Actually, the more she thought about it, this feeling only really appeared as she continued to work towards finishing that painting. When she was getting closer to the end. Almost like a slight doubt had appeared in her head despite the months of telling herself that she was fine with it.

“Airi… Have you ever thought about retiring from being an idol again?” 

“Huh?” That seemed to have caused Airi to freeze at that moment. 

“I mean… you’ve got your life basically set you know?” Ena continued, “You’re basically good when it comes to money by now to live comfortably, you’ve got a nice apartment and I know you’ve been looking at getting a house. Not to mention that plan to propose to Shizuku. You’ve got all of this waiting for you, a life you can fully enjoy in privacy once you step away from that spotlight.”

“Ena, you make it sound like we’re old as fuck already,” Airi responded with a chuckle.

“I’m just saying, if I was you. I’d consider it, I think. I’d be satisfied with that life, a quiet life with my partner with enough money to be at least comfortable. No spotlight. No cameras. No pressure or expectations.”

Airi pursed her lips together before sighing.

“That’s true I guess. And I won’t lie, it would be nice. Without the attention and spotlight, I’d be able to do whatever I want. Go wherever I want without having to worry about my image.” Airi said, “Being an idol… yeah I guess it does mean I can’t exactly live as freely as I’d want.”

Ena hummed in agreement. She had a slight understanding of what having that type of attention does to a person’s life, having been best friends with Airi for as long as she’d been an idol. Sure it came with fame and money, but it also had its own sets of weights. It just restricted the way a person could live really, all that extra scrutinization. The thought of it sounded exhausting, so she couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to actually live that, what’d it be like to be Airi.

“It’s gotta be exhausting right?” Ena asked.

“Yeah,” the idol agreed, “but, I don’t think I’d give up my life as an idol just yet or that easily.”

“Why?”

“Because, no matter how hard it gets, I still want to be an idol. No matter how much my body aches from all of the practice, no matter how much my brain hurts and how exhausted I am after performances, no matter how much my life is scrutinized, I’ll power through it. All because it's what I want to do.” Airi said with a sense of resolve in her voice. 

“Because you want to be an idol…”

“Mhm. Maybe if I was only in it for money or status, I’m sure I would’ve folded by now. Ultimately, I want to help people. I want to inspire them to strive towards their dreams. To be a light for others who might need it.”

“That’s admirable,” Ena said with a sigh. Her hand dropped her fork onto the plate as she rested her head on the table. “No wonder you’re where you’re at in your life. You’ve figured everything out.”

“Uhh no the fuck I have not.” Airi pouted with crossed arms.

“Well, you seem like it. You’ve got your goal and dream in sight. What you want to do with your life. Couldn’t be me.”

“Girl…” Airi sighed before taking her sunglasses off and setting her head on the table to be level with Ena’s. “Ena, what do you want?”

Ena narrowed her eyes a bit, a little confused by the question, “What? Like, right now?”

“No, no, dumbass. Like in general. What do you want to do? Passion, dream, anything like that.”

“I don’t know.” Ena’s eyes drifted towards Airi. “Nothing comes to mind…”

“Well, some piss poor idol I am. Not being able to inspire my best friend into realizing their dream,” Airi pouted, with a defeated sigh. Then she sat back up, taking off her shades. “Ena, let me ask another question then. Why are you even painting right now? What’s the purpose of you doing this? You’re putting yourself through this crazy rough routine, skipping meals, and even sleeping in the fucking studio to paint. What’s the fucking point?! And don’t you fucking saying ‘I don’t know’! There’s a reason, and you need to figure it out!”

Ena didn’t say anything, knowing that if she said anything that wasn’t an actual real answer with substance to her question, Airi would unleash rage and frustration upon her. Instead she just thought and reflected, asking herself that very question. Why was she doing this in the first place?

At first thought, the answer was because it was Mizuki’s suggestion. But she doubted that Airi would accept that as the actual reasoning. She’d just say that there’s something deeper, and that the Shinonome Ena would never do something she didn’t want to do, even if it was her girlfriend’s suggestion. Which, yeah, Airi was right about that.

So what else could be the reasoning? Why would she put her body through so much strain and stress? In the past it was passion and drive, along with spite, that pushed her to endure despite the struggle. But she thought that she didn’t have any of that left in her anymore. 

Was she wrong? Did she still have some passion left for art somewhere inside her? Despite her numerous conversations with herself and reflection on her life, did she still have that love for art that kept her pushing against that rough and relentless current?

“Because, it’s the end, Airi. I want to make my last piece the best it can be.” Ena responded, though she wasn’t entirely convinced in her own answer.

“Why do you even care about it being the ‘best it can be’? If you’re done with art just drop it, leave it alone. No need for a send off.”

“If you had one final show as an idol, you’d want it to be the best performance and show it can be right?” 

Airi narrowed her eyes at Ena. Her expression looked entirely unconvinced as it seemed she was scanning Ena’s very soul. “Ena, you’re too fucking dense sometimes.”

“Dense?”

“Yeah, denser than lead.” Airi checked her phone, before slipping her shades back on. “Shizu texted me, apparently she wants me to stalk Shiho for a bit at a live house gig she has tonight.”

“Oh ok… well thanks for the funnel cake and shake.” Ena sat up, picking up her fork as well. “Are you mad with me Airi?”

“No, no, not mad. Not even frustrated,” Airi shook her head, putting a face mask on that she had stored in her jacket pocket. “I’m just… I hope you figure things out for yourself Ena. Remember, ride or die.”

Airi balled up her fist and moved it closer to Ena, within reaching distance.

“Yeah. Thanks again Airi.” Ena tapped the idol's fist with her own.

“Seeya around Ena. I know you’re thinking a lot about of things, just don’t get too into your head about it. Just go with what feels right to you. Follow your heart.” 

Before Ena could respond, Airi gave her a quick wave and spun around before quickly walking away. Leaving Ena alone with her milkshake, funnel cake, and her own thoughts.

Chapter Text

The lighting, perfect. Angle, just right. Overall composition, great. 

Ena had her phone held up, an eye closed, pointing the camera at the plate in front of her. A berry tart sat on the plate, while a coffee cup was set up just next to it. Her arm shifted occasionally as she tried to adjust the shot to make sure everything looked good for the picture. 

Not that she was really planning on doing anything with it, other than to have the picture, with her waning off of social media lately. She’d probably just show it off to Mizuki and brag about how good the pastry was. Well, the presentation of it at least. Hopefully the taste matched its look.

And just as the shot seemed to line up perfectly a new, unwelcome plate showed up in the background, throwing off the whole composition.

“Agh, c’mon move your plate, you’re ruining this pic!” Ena whined.

“Well, stop hogging the whole table,” Akito responded with a sigh, taking a seat on the other side of the table. “I thought you stopped doing this.”

“Taking pictures? Uh, no I haven’t. I just don’t post them.”

“Then why do it?”

“A hobby… For the memory?” Ena shook her head, “I don’t know, just move your lameass sandwich!”

“It’s called a BLT, and they’re pretty damn good.” 

“I literally do not give a shit what sort of sandwich it is. What I do care about is it ruining my pastry pic!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll just eat it,” Akito sighed as he picked up his sandwich and began to eat.

Ena took that moment of not having that sandwich in the background and began to do a quick rapid fire of shots, getting several pictures that she was planning on showing Mizuki when she got home. Afterwards she took her fork and took a bite. It was a good balance of sweet and tart, the pastry part was slightly flaky in a good way. A bit pricey for what it was, which wasn’t surprising considering this was from a cafe connected to an art museum, but still overall pretty good.

“Not bad for a museum cafe,” Ena said before taking a sip of her latte.

“Still prefer Weekend Garage.”

“Mmm… yeah same” She agreed.

The siblings continued to take a couple more bites in silence, letting the ambient noise of the cafe around them fill the dead air. The sound of cups moving, water running, and coffee machines whirling, accompanied by the incoherent voices of the other customers talking at their own tables.

“So, why’re we here?” Akito asks as he finishes the last bit of his sandwich. “It’s… weird for you to invite me somewhere literally the day I get back from the US, or in general really.”

“There’s something here I’ve been meaning to check out.” Ena responded. 

“At this specific one?”

Ena nodded, taking the final bite of her tart before pushing the plate forward.

“And I’m assuming there’s a reason why you didn’t do this with Mizuki or Momoi?”

“Yeah, I think you’re the best person to be here with me,” It was arguably true, but weird for Ena to say outloud.

“I’m not really a museum type of person.”

“Point still stands.”

“You’re not gonna tell me, are you?” He sighed with a slight look of resignation.

“I think we should just enjoy the museum,” Ena grabbed her purse and stood up from her seat, “You’ll be able to tell why we’re here when we get to it. Trust me”

Akito’s eyes trailed up to meet Ena’s, shooting a deadpan stare at her. “I don’t know why I agreed to this…”

—

Growing up, thanks to their father being a rather successful artist, both Ena and Akito had been to their fair share of museums. For Ena, she used to always look forward and enjoy those trips, finding all the pieces of art on display fascinating. Akito, he was less enthusiastic about it, but respected the art nonetheless. And it seemed that was something that hadn’t changed despite the years.

Walking through the gallery, her eyes were drawn to all sorts of different pieces and instalments, taking time to approach each one that did catch her attention and look, even only for a couple of minutes. Just because she was planning to step away from that world, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t still admire and appreciate art. It just meant that she’d be looking at it as a spectator and not an active player in the world. The thought was a bit nostalgic, reminding her of how she viewed it as a child. All wonder and fascination, without the knowledge of the potential struggle behind that wonder. 

Though as nostalgic as it felt, it was a bit bittersweet now. A part of her couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever be able to truly view art the same after everything, after traversing that path, after knowing what was required to keep going as an artist. Was her view on art forever tainted now? 

Looking at all of the work, everything in the gallery, that thought was in the back of her mind. It was always present, nagging her. In addition to admiration of the art in front of her, she couldn’t help but wonder what sort of effort, struggle, and pain was required to make such a thing. Including art she would just see in everyday life. The thought didn’t ruin art for her in any way, but it did leave that slightly bitter taste behind. 

“Oi, Ena, seriously what’s the whole deal with this trip?” Akito called out several steps ahead of Ena. His arms crossed, evident that he wasn’t exactly having the same experience as his sister. 

“Be patient,” Ena replied, as she moved forward. “Just take in the art around you and enjoy it.”

“Unlike you, I’m not a museum or art person,” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t get why you and Toya like these exhibits so much.”

“It’s just about respecting and admiring the art.”

“Really? All you’ve been doing is stopping at each thing for a couple of minutes, staring while looking melancholic, before moving to another thing.”

“You just don’t appreciate art enough.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He sighed, “I appreciate art, I just prefer it to be in the form of concerts and shows.” 

The siblings continued to walk through a small hallway that connected one exhibit hall to another, Ena’s eyes continued glancing around to find any other pieces of interest while Akito kept his sight straight. The walls were lined with smaller paintings and several signs promoting different exhibits and installations at the museum, both present and future ones. Though Ena’s attention was mostly focused on the art rather than on the information.

This time though, Ena wouldn’t pause to admire the pieces. She just kept walking forward, not pausing her stride. If she remembered the map she saw on the website right, and they were where she thought they were, then the whole reason why she wanted to take this trip should just be at the end of the hall. That was why she kept moving forward rather than taking her time, they were almost there. Then she felt a tug at her purse.

“Hey! Careful, don’t accidentally damage my purse!” Ena whined as she turned back to the only possible culprit. 

“Do you even know where you’re going?” He responded, letting go of the bag.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure you want to go in there?”

“No shit, this is why we’re here.” Ena replied as she turned back around.

She spent no extra time waiting or stalling, stepping inside the exhibit room. Not even bothering whether Akito was following behind. Nor did she pay any mind to the name of the exhibit she had just entered. There was no reason to, since she knew exactly where they were. An exhibit gallery for the renowned artist, Shinonome Shinei

Ena didn’t exactly know what to expect stepping inside. It had been literal years since she last looked at anything her father had made, and in that time she did her best to delete any sort of memory she had of those pieces. Despite her personal issues with her father, she still acknowledged the fact that he was still considered to be among the best of current Japanese artists, something that was reinforced now that she found herself surrounded by his work.

Looking around there were some pieces she remembered from her childhood. Like several paintings of mountain views and trees she recognized from camp grounds her parents took everyone to when she was younger. And there were newer pieces that she had never seen before. But they all had that sense of professionality, combined with technical skill and emotional weight that her father was known for. 

A feeling began to well up in Ena’s chest, a sense of envy. Seeing all of his art being put up on display like this, in a dedicated exhibit, it was something that she could only dream of. But that’s not why she was here, not today anyways. There was something more important.

Ena turned around to the entrance, looking at Akito who returned a look of skepticism and confusion. He stood just outside of the doorway exhibit. “Are you coming inside or not?”

“Ena, what the fuck is going on? You’re telling me you brought me here to go to dad’s art gallery?”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Ena stated plainly.

“Why?”

There was a moment of silence between the siblings. Ena’s eyes drifted down in thought before replying. “I thought it's about time to face the past in a way… and who else to have here with me than someone who's been with me since the very beginning?”

Ena turned back towards the exhibit and began to go deeper into the room, a pair of footsteps followed, letting her know Akito was still with her. She didn’t give any of the pieces around her much mind, outside of a brief glance as she passed by them. There was one specific painting she was looking for.

It only took a couple of minutes of walking around before she found what she was searching for. Her eyes fixated on the piece as she stood a couple of meters away from it, Akito following in suit soon after her. 

The image of a lightly illuminated peony against what seemed to be dark a gloomy night was a striking one, even when you weren’t looking at the details and intricacies of the piece. The choices in colors brought out just the right amount of vibrancy and contrast. The strokes and marks felt so delicate in some places, but heavy in others. A perfect combination of technical skill and emotion.

So this is the painting that thrust her father into the spotlight and out of his despair. The piece that convinced him to not break his brushes. The piece that she herself had inspired, somehow even if she still didn’t get it.

“So… what is this?” Akito asked. “What’s this whole trip about?”

“Remember how I said I was going to talk to dad?”

“So that’s what’s what this is about.”

“Yeah, well I did… and he told me a lot of things I wasn’t expecting.” Ena paused for a moment with a deep breath, “Mainly that he had considered quitting art before we were born. And that this painting right here is what got him to reconsider.”

“He thought about quitting…” He said softly, a bit in disbelief. “That’s surprising considering where he’s at right now.”

“I know right? It confused me too… it got me thinking about a lot of things,” A beat, “And after some thought I realized… We’re pretty similar.”\

“Did you just hear yourself just now?”

“I know… I hate the idea too,” Ena sighed, “But it just… it makes sense. Apparently he went through the same thing I’m going through. The struggle, the feeling of being lost, the thought of quitting. And because of that, I think I understand why he did what he did to me..”

“You do?”

“Yeah… Like I said, we both have the same experience in struggle, failure, and the cruelty in the world of professional art. And because of that… I’m assuming he wanted to push me, someone who didn’t have the innate talent for art away from art. Afterall, if someone like him who was talented could struggle and experience so much pain, then it must be so much worse for someone with no talent.”

Ena continued, “So in his weird fucked up way, he cared about me. He didn’t want me to suffer the same path as he did, or maybe even worse. So he tried to tell me about my lack of talent as the reason why I should just stop… issue is I’m too fucking stubborn, and… well he sucks ass at communicating. I think mom can kinda agree to that sometimes”

“I see… that’s kinda fucked up…”

“I don’t deny that… but I get it in some twisted way.”

He then turned his head to hers, “But… you’re thinking of quitting art?”

“Not thinking… I’ve already decided that I would. I’m working on my last piece now. Actually, it’s almost done.”

“You seemed to find what you were looking for with that piece you made around Christmas. What changed?”

“I just reflected a lot. I thought about the future, what I will be, and where I am now. I took a look at my life… And I realized that, maybe trying so hard and failing as an artist would be a waste of my future.”

“What do you mean a waste? If it's something you want to do, if it's your dream then I don’t think it’s a waste.”

“That’s the thing… I don’t even know what my dream is anymore, Akito.” Ena’s words were almost like a long held secret that she begrudgingly spat out. “The only thing I can think of that I want is to support Mizuki. And there’s no way I can do that as a failed and struggling artist.”

“Is that really how you want things to go? If you keep at it, maybe you’ll get a big break like dad did.”

“Yeah maybe… but…” There was another pause, “I don’t know how long that’ll take. I don’t think I’ll have that spark or moment that pushes me to even want to endure any longer… after all there’s no guarantee I’ll get that same chance as he did.”

Ena took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. “I’d rather support Mizuki’s dream than continue to stay a failed and struggling artist. Helping her realize her goals… that’s more than enough for me to be content and happy.”

“I won’t tell you what to do or what not to do… I’ll trust your own judgement.”

Ena’s eyes fluttered open, once again taking in the painted peony in front of her. The piece had so much energy and brightness despite how dark and desolate its surroundings were. Hope within despair. Perseverance in the face of struggle. That’s what the piece conveyed to her.

It was the perfect piece to mark the turn of a career riddled with struggle and strife into one of success and prestige. Poetic almost. Maybe, in another life, had she had more talent, more resolve, maybe she could’ve discovered her own peony that could trust her into the light of success. 

Sure Ena believed her latest piece was likely going to be among her best of her whole life, but she didn’t believe it had the ability to change the course of her career. It wasn’t the tide changer that ‘Peony in the Night’ was. It was just an attempt to capture, to imitate its potential, and an imitation pales in comparison to the genuine. 

Still she didn’t discount the piece either. Sure it likely wasn’t going to be something like her father’s masterworks, but it would definitely be a lovely piece to end off her career as an artist. A satisfying end to her body of work.

“Do you think dad also had this exact same thought or conversation with someone?” Ena spoke up after several minutes of dead air.

“That’s a weird question. Why?”

“It’s like I said… I wonder how similar I am to dad.”

“Why’re you still on this?”

“I just… I hope I'll be a better parent than he was.”

There was a moment of silence before Akito spoke in a slightly grave tone, “Ena… What do you mean by that? Did you and Mizuki- are you-”

It took a moment for Ena to get what Akito was implying, and once she did she quickly scrambled to set the record straight. “Huh?! No, no, no!”

“Are you sure you didn’t-”

“Look, I’m not even sure Mizuki can-” Ena stopped herself, “Wait I am not explaining this to you right now. Just know, no, no kids are being considered right now ok?”

“Then why are you talking about kids and parenting?!”

“I don’t know?! I was just thinking out loud! Calm down!” Ena herself took a deep breath, her face a little red. “Are we calm?”

Akito took a breath too, before nodding. “Yeah.”

“One more thing actually,” Ena reached into her purse, and puled out a folded paper. “Here.”

Akito took the paper and unfolded it, taking a moment to read its contents. “Is this-

“Yeah Tokyo based art competition,” Ena answered his unfinished question, “Its the competition I’ll be submitting my final piece to. If you want, you can come to it, if you want of course. Not forcing you to.”

Akito looked up from the paper. “Are you hoping to win this?”

Ena thought about it briefly, “Honestly… I didn’t think about that. Mizuki said I should just submit it there. So… I guess no not really. But, well, it’d be nice to win.”

“Got it.” He put the flyer in his pocket, “I’ll be there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it's like your final performance right? If it were my final performance, I’d want you to be there.”

A slight smile broke out onto Ena’s face, “That’s surprisingly sweet Akito.”

“I mean yeah, it only feels right since we’re family and all that,” He rubbed the back of his head returning a smile of his own “Even though you’re still annoying to deal with sometimes.”

“Oh fuck off, you’re the annoying one not me.” Ena gave him a light and playful punch on his arm before the two siblings broke into a slight laugh.